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Hallenbeck rips into SOLDIER... review
Alrighty all, Harry here with the latest ranting and raving of a Joe Hallenbeck. Joe was sooooooooooooo incensed over this flick that he called me to personally chew my ear off about this one. I could hear his bat and the sound of an imploding Terry Semel head in the background. The fleas were leaving his pad, Joe was stomping mad. As a result, I must warn you. This is likely one of those soap in the mouth, in dire need for Max Von Sydow to show up in his cool man in black outfit with the special holy water dispensing weapon. Without further ado I give you a wretched hive of scum and villany... Joe Hallenbeck...
Pimp Daddy Joe Hallenbeck here(I'm trying out a new title) with another
magical review of yet another wretched piece of shit movie produced by
the WB. SOLDIER is the movie in the hot seat. This movie is so bad it
doesn't even deserve to be called bad...it's MACHER-BAD!!!(for those of
you who aren't familiar with the Hallenbeckian Venacular a movie that is
Macher-bad means it's on par with Joel Schumacher's B n' R).
I felt like Marty McFly in Doc Brown's time machine as I was watching
this flick unfold on screen. It was if I was transported back to 1985
and was watching Arnie kickin' ass in yet another action gorefest that
made him a star! Unfortunately, this time around, the movie I was
watching was an absolute waste of celloid. Arnie's films were
bad(terrible at times), but they had this "coolness" factor to them. No
one can deliver corny one-liners like Conan can. In Soldier's case, I
felt as if I was watching some retarded 10 year-old boy's fantasy movie
come to life on screen.
If you were to make a wolverine spread your ass-cheeks apart and have
Rip Taylor shove a living porcupine up your ass that would be a less
painful experience than watching a movie like SOLDIER(trust me on
this...I have "experience" in this field).
PLOT: It's SOLO...no, It's MAD MAX...no, it's THE POSTMAN. You get what
I'm talking about. Outcast, loner-like hero kickin ass for the little
guy. This is the kind of movie Dolph Lundgren or Andrew Stevens would be
starring in for a direct to video motion picture EVENT EXTRAVAGANZA!
WRITING: David Webb Peoples is a God to me. He has penned 4 of my all
time favs(Blade Runner, Hero, Unforgiven, and 12 Monkeys). He's a writer
I truly admire and respect. THAT'S why I refuse to believe he had
anything to do with this film. His 6 year old son or nephew must have
written this tripe and asked Daddy/Unc to make it into a movie. David
attached his name to it and BINGO!...it's made into an $85 million
version of SOLO(to quote a colleague of mine). If there is an ALAN
SMITHEE rule when it comes to writer's credit, then PLEASE, MR.
PEOPLES...IN THE NAME BILLY WILDER...TAKE YOUR NAME OFF THIS FUCKIN'
PIECE OF SHIT!!!! Don't let your son or daughter grow up and see Daddy's
name attached to such a horrendous, RAZZIE QUALIFYING FILM!!!
DIRECTING: Paul Anderson is a good director(visually speaking) in search
of a great script. His movies, MORTAL KOMBAT and EVENT HORIZON, are gawd
awful, but they at least look great. When I heard he was attached to
direct a Peoples' sci-fi script I nearly shit in my pants. I felt like
Clinton on an intern panty raid! I said, "Finally this guy gets to
direct a good movie...both visually and storywise." WRONGO, AMIGO!!!
This movie isn't even cool to look at. It's ugly and truly unoriginal.
The only good things about his direction is the fact he had the audacity
to kill kids in a movie and he made some deaths gory. Two words of
advice, Mr. Anderson: "Keep Searching."
The Acting: Sir Lawrence is rolling over in his grave.
Kurt Russell - is one uber-fuckin-cool actor in my book! He's Jack
Burton! He's Snake Plissken! He's Tango(or was that Cash?)! He's that
Colonel dude in Stargate with the dead son! He's that cool dude in The
Thing and that Sheriff of Tombstone! He's that everyman hero in
Breakdown and Executive Decision! This guy is one cool actor. I love
Kurt. He's always been one of my favs, but Kurt...my main man...WHAT THE
FUCK WERE YOU THINKING TAKING THIS DREADFUL ROLE?! There is absolutely
nuttin' there, amigo! I laughed my ass off when you shed that tear in
the tube after being booted out of camp. Your character was supposed to
discover his humanity. All he discovered was different ways of killing
dudes that Rambo didn't think of. When picking your next role, take the
advice of that noble knight in Last Crusade, "Choose,...but choose
wisely."
Jason Scott Lee - a muscle bound manequin.
Gary Busey - I've never told anyone else this, but maybe you should
reconsider your new found appreciation of God and go back to drugs. You
know you want to. It's the only joy you'll get out of life because
acting sure won't give you that high.
The rest - should be shot!!! Wait a sec...most were.
The F/X - I know some were rough, but what was done looked like they
were done on some 12 year old's Mac. The Matte/Green Screen shit was
just that...SHIT!!! I've never seen such shoddy work...AND I'VE SEEN ALL
OF CORMAN'S FILMS!!!
The music - fit the movie to a "T", but won't help it none when the
final score is done. The temp track was perfect(Postman, Waterworld,
Alien: Erection, Judge Dredd...to name a few). It was great to hear some
good tunes to shitty movies, but it ain't the final score to this mess,
so who gives a fuck?
The climax - Rambo meets Solo meets The Postman. Trust me, it ain't as
good as it may sound(a joke here, people). At the end, I oh-so-wanted
the little boy to call Kurt, "Daddy." That would've been the kicker this
movie needed to qualify it for a MST3K Award!
NOTE TO PRODUCERS: When people laugh during serious/quasi-serious scenes
that means you have a clunker on your hands. Does "The Postman" mean
anything to you?
I think it's absolutely appalling that, after 75 years of making a
majority of the greatest films ever produced, a studio like Warner Bros.
is putting out such SHIT like SOLDIER! Actually, come to think of it,
this movie fits in with the rest of WB's rouster of films that have been
and/or coming out this year. These titles include: City of Angels(at
least Meg Ryan dies in this...I'll give the movie that much credit),
Quest for Camelot(stick to TV animation), Tarzan, Major League 3, US
Marshalls, Sphere, A Perfect Murder, Wrongfully Accused, The Avengers(oh
my god...what the fuck was that?!), Almost Heroes, Without Limits,
Practical Magic(a movie, like the trailer, that is wretched, wildly
uneven, makes no sense, and is just plain shit!), and You Have Mail(a
movie I hope Meg Ryan dies in). The only saving grace(s) they have this
year were/are: LW4(First 20 minutes was shit, but after that it was
passable), The Negotiator(too long, but Sam and Kevin are worth it), and
maybe Jack Frost(I really dig Keaton). Face it, Warner Bros., for a 75th
Anniversary you've got shit out there...and even more shit coming out!
That psycho in the editing bay ain't gonna let his movie see the light
of day 'til 2001(pun intended), so don't expect a X-Mas '98 release for
this puppy to save your ass. I say shut down the Studio for a few
months, get rid of a shit load of inept execs, and start fresh before
the Millennium ends. You guys are the best(just look at your library)!
In the past 3 years, you've only had one good movie. That's pretty
pathetic. At first, I thought Chris Pula was your problem...now, I'm
starting to think the problem lies higher up the food chain(and you know
who I'm talking about). Stop making shit like Soldier and start making
shit like you used to in the good ole days(here's a hint: look at the
films you have in that Festival of yours to see what kind of "quality"
I'm talking about)!
T.T.F.N.,
Joe Hallenbeck
hallenbeck69@hotmail.com
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I have been totally disgusted with warner brothers since seeing Batman and Robin. It was proof positive that Warners no longer gave the average movie goer any credit for having a brain. A bunch of high price stars, a ton of flash and absolutely no substance!
this has been a continuing trend of theirs forthe past two years. It's time for new blood at Warner's. Lorenzo, Bob, Terry, it is time to go!!!! Somebody needs to be there that understands that most movie goers have a brain and want films on the level of "Unforgiven" -
I had a very interesting day in relation to the movie "Soldier." First of all, I got my new issue of Entertainment Weekly, the Fall Movie Preview Issue, where they described "Soldier" as a sci-fi Western, combining elements of "Blade Runner" and "Unforgiven," which got me thinking about another great western-in-space movie, the under-appreciated "Outland" with Sean Connery. Then, I go to see "The Avengers" tonight (which suffers, if nothing else, from the makers trying to combine two genres of films...the stylish, quirky satire(reminiscent of the series) and the typical Hollywood summer blockbuster) and in front of it is a preview for "Soldier." After reading the description in EW, I looked at the preview and thought, "What a piece of shit." So I'm really disappointed with "Soldier" already, even though it doesn't come out for another couple of months. Sigh...God I hope "Blade" is good.
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Ta ta for now.
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Contact. Or at least for me it is. I love that flick. ------Harry
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Yes, I second Contact and L.A. Confadential(can't spell) and Leathel Weapon 4 kinda as some good recent Warner films, but I actually liked 12 Monkeys. I like a good Terry Gilliam movie. "...and now for somthing completely different,..."
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He gave ARMAGEDDON a better review than SAVING PRIVATE RYAN. I suppose you could call him a "Macher-Critic." --OW
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Warner Bros. is really sucking major bad. They need help. They actually need to get rid of the executives. Hell, even Ted Turner (look at the joke known as CNN and you'll understand).
We need more LA CONFIDENTIALS and BATMAN RETURNS.
the rex
p.s.-I'm sure someone will disagree with the BATMAN 2 bit, but I liked that one best. Dark and demented! -
Joe, your right about Warner's, there hasn't been that many (less than 4) good flicks from that studio. But your ability to pick good flicks.. What did you think of BASEKETBALL????????????
Common Joe, really, that movie was, well, a piece of @##@!!!!!!!! Okey, nuff said, but I still think your cool. Great site Harry!!!!!!!!! -
Quite frankly, Joe isn't the smartest bear in the woods, but he does know his populist action films. If he says Soldier is a piece of shit, I've got to worry about this project. Like Joe, I've been awaiting this picture with a great deal of enthusiasm, hoping against hope that it would buck the odds of the late 90's Warner's curse. I'll withold judgement until I see the finished project, but hearing a pan like this is really disconcerting (then again, I'm one of the few people in the world who truly enjoys Hudson Hawk, so who knows.....)
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Alrighty let me start by saying i looooove Batman Returns... fine lots of Devito's jokes fell FLAT but that's part of any Burton movie. Anyhoooo k well a few months ago I would have worried after reading this review, but ya see Hallenbeck first lost my trust when I saw Armageddon... but then I thought well, I'm one of the few who hated that movie I literally was checkin' my watch ever 5 seconds. Then came BASEketball... ummmmm... that really sucked. Then H20 ok fucker you blew it there that movie kicked ass I'd go so far as to say that was the best horror flick of the 90s!!! Well I love Kurt Russell no not in that homoerotic way but in that DAMN HE KICKS ASS kinda way... even when he's made a shitty movie... has he? well I've liked all his movies I think even Captain Ron! Then lookin at the director, ok now I don't care how stupid you are don't tell me you didn't enjoy Mortal Kombat. Fuck the fact it's a fuckin' video game that movie was wayyyyy cool. Event Horizon was too! It ripped off nearly every sci-fi/horror in the past 25 years, but hey it kicked some serious ass. then there's David Webb Peoples... ummm Blade Runner is the greatest thing ever to grace the silver screen... 12 Monkeys is one of the best of the 90s... rivaled by few others INCLUDING Unforgiven. And btw, I think AICN as much as I love this site to death is partially guilty for overblowing this WB shit... I can name a few great movies put out by WB and a bunch of realy shitfests put out by other studios. I just saw Avengers and sorry guys, I kinda enjoyed it...Devil's Advocate ring a bell? Soldier will probably be just another classic put out by none other than WB so don't read any reviews... i promised myself i wouldn't but i read this one AHHHH!!! and see the movie with a clear head...
FiNnEgAn... I'm out -
T-rex and crew, I salute you and agree with you. I think Batman Returns was the definitive Batman movie. And nobody I knows agrees with me. It was dark, bizarre, disturbing, and everything you would expect from Tim Burton. This is the one Batman film where neither Guber/Peters or the brass or Warner Bros. had final control and it shows. There was some ballsy stuff in that film. Michelle Pfeiffer's perromance for one thing. It is the best performance of any one actor in the series. Yes, better than Jack Nicholson's in Batman. Come on, he walked through that film. And as for Michael Keaton, he was so much better in the sequel. He injected the role with that right mix of pathos and humor, which was not on display in the first film. Even Danny DeVito was good. People were so put off with the character, that they didn't realize how sad and tortured the character was. Not just a series of one-liners like The Joker or The Riddler. The only problem I had with the film was that climax with the penguins. It got a little too self-indulgent.
As for Paul Anderson, I am tempted to call him a hack. But some of that imagery in Event Horizon was beyond hack work. If only that film had a plot, it could have been really terrifying. But hearing the concept alone of Soldier and the cast, I can already predict that Soldier will be crap. I mean I like Kurt Russel, but he is so much better when he is playing with some one with intelligence, like in Backdraft or Executive Decision. He is not meant to be a monosylabbic action hero. Remember him in Stargate? Did they develop that character at all? There are just some actors who shouldn't play those kind of roles. Nicholas Cage tried to in Con Air and it just didn't work. The only interesting sci-fi film I see on the immediate horizon(not including Episode One) is Supernova. Walter Hill is directing that one.
'Tony Manero -
Love the page, Harry, but I had a problem with today's Hallenbeck review. It gave away the ending to City of Angels! I haven't seen it yet, but would like to. I guess I should have by now, but still that's no excuse. Usually, you post spoiler warnings for these kind of things. I mean, Citizen Kane was made in '41 but I still wouldn't tell anyone who hadn't seen it that Rosebud was a sled!
Think about it... -
In one of the previous posts, there was a passing reference to Bruce Willis' Hudson Hawk. I think perhaps the star alignments are just right for an frank discussion of a movie that, for all its flaws, takes a few risks and comes up with some great moments (Butterfinger ordering @ a French restaurant, the ambulance chase scene).
With regards to Batman Returns, let us not forget the classic cameo by Pee-Wee as the Penguin's father.
And quit picking on Avengers. -
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm was a great film, IMO.
Paul Dini is the shiznit. -
Praise be! The HH defenders are coming out of the woodwork. I, too, know a great many fans of this endearing 1991 bomb, and I think now is a fine time to redeem its tarnished name. When it was first released, the mainstream critics (who generally think in packs anyway) were already primed to hate the thing; basing their reviews around the overblown budget, and Willis' inflated ego. HH was not your typical Joel Silver action film, but what do you expect when you combine the subversive talents of Michael Lehman and Daniel Waters with the man who gave us Action Jackson? I'll allow that this film is not for everyone (it is extremely silly,) but if you've always dismissed it on reputation alone, I'd advise you to check it out. Any movie that shows the Pope watching Mr. Ed can't be all that bad, can it?
Let's save this film's reputation! -
IMHO since 1994 the only Warner Bros. films which were any good (which I saw) were:
The Hudsucker Proxy 1994
L.A Confidential 1997
Maverick 1994
Michael Collins 1996
Outbreak 1995
Twister 1996
The Butcher Boy 1998
Surviving Picasso 1996
And I think The General was Warner as well but since it probably never got a release outside of the U.K not many people have seen it. (and it's not on the IMDB)
since 7 of my 9 choices are bound to be disputed that gives Warner 2 good films out of about 120 in the past 4 years, anyone know how much wasted cash that makes? -
Okay, I gotta stand up for Joe here. He writes the only really entertaining reviews on the site, and I'm sorry, everybody, but he's 90% dead-on.
Hatebeak it to you, but "Armageddon" _is_ better than "Saving Private Ryan." Let's compare: both have shit for scripts, both have generally bad performances (save for Giovanni Ribsi, Jeremy Davies, & Adam Goldberg (goldman?) in SPR, and Bruce, Billy Bob, Peter Stomare, and that "Bottle Rocket" guy in ARMGEDDON) -- and nobody DARE bring up Tom Hanks doing his now boring "thing", Ed Burns stilted dialgue readings, or Matt Damon's p.o.s. monologue about his brothers are examples of good acting -- and both films are highly uneven.
"Armageddon", however, has fun with its own flaws and weaknesses, reveling in them with a kind of self-reflexive glee. Say what you will about Michael Bay, but at least he knows all he's making are crappy event movies. And there's a joy in that I haven't felt since the Schwarzeneggar films of the '80's.
"Saving Private Ryan", on the other hand, holds itself up as a piece of genius, a truly relevant piece of work. Well, yeah, the first 20 minutes are horrifying in their use of violence, but stylistically it's nothing that Stone wasn't doing 10 years ago or Tarantino 4 years ago. Basically it's strength lies only in its pretentiousness: Spielberg phoned in that movie, but because of Hanks, his "hip young cast" of indie actors, and an effective riding of the P.R. wave that WW2 is experiencing right now, people hail it as brilliant. Well WAKE UP PEOPLE! You wanna see brilliance? See CEOT3K, "Jaws", "Raiders", even "Schindler's List." The latter was the last great film Steven Speilberg made, and history will probably see it as such fifteen years from now. Just cause it should be great doesn't mean it is.
Hallenbeck's got balls and a great eye for what makes a great movie. Lay off him -- you'll just look stupid when you agree with him a year from now.
Except for BASEKETBALL. Joe, what the hell were you thinking abotu that one?
--Ridley
btw, BATMAN RETURNS kicks ass. And I don't care about the comic characters, all I know is that as a FILM, BR worked phenomenally. -
If this movie does in fact suck, is it the screenwriters fault? Or the directors? D.W. People's best screenplays were directed by VERY capable directors. Paul Anderson has an interesting visual style, but one could see how Event Horizon or even Mortal Kombat could have been great movies with some work on the writing. Is it possible that Paul Anderson purposely dumbs down the scripts to his movies?
For various reasons, even though I liked the story to Batman better, Batman Returns is my favorite. The visual style was great. And Christopher Walken should be in every movie! He's great. But Batman Returns is so dark... It's great... -
Was the dumb fuck dropped as a child? Did his dad take him into the closet and molest him? I've read 3 of the bastards reviews(Saving Private Ryan, Armageddon, and Soldier). He was right on with Armageddon, as far off as anyone could ever be with Saving Private Ryan, and now he's trashing a movie that looks like it has potential. Trashing is most likely a compliment when you read the review cause he pulled no punches in any of the things he said. All I have to say is that his friends should take him out back and fire a few thousand rounds into him.
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Well, it doesn't surprise me that Solider is crap. Anything with Kurt Russel playing anything but Snake is usually bad..watch
Overboard starring Russel and
Goldie Hawn...ugggh, total barf!
As for Joe Hallenbeck, I agree
the problem with WB is at the top. Whoever is running the damn studio should be fired and kicked out
on their butt! Get somebody who's interested in making good innovative intriguing films
and not just some money-grubby
jackoff. Also, what was with
Hallenbeck saying WB should stop
with shit movies like Solider and instead make shit movies like the old movies shown at the WB 75th Anniversary Festival ?
Now, wait a second! Is Hallenbeck saying movies like Casablanca, Full Metal Jacket, The Shining 1980, Wild Bunch, Rebel Without
A Cause, GoodFellas, JFK, Unforgiven and Adventures of
Robin Hood are pieces of shit!
Now wait, a second here jackass!
I don't know what you call a great movie but all of those movies I have listed up above and more that played at the festival are some
of the best greatest movies I have ever seen and not shit!
(Note, for alll those who read my list of my favorite movies in the Cool News forum, relax. It was all
a joke. Just my jab at film lists like the AFI...I was being sarcastic. I lied when I said
I hated those films and liked
some of those other films. I'll post my real list when
Harry Knowles post his favorite movies list and I'm not being
sarcastic here. I really would like to see what Harry thinks
are the best movies ever. Having heard his comments on the AFI list, I eagerly await his best movies list...it would be cool if he posts it on ACIN Cool News
on the eve of the New Year.
It would be perfect for the last
news and post on ACIN to be what
our own Harry thinks are this
millenium's best movies before
we move into the new millenium of hopeful good movies...maybe by then Warner will have learned their lesson, at least I hop so).
As for WB, here's a list of some
good films that they've made in
the 1990-1998:
Batman Returns (1992)
Mars Attacks! (1996)
Batman:Mask of The Phantasm (1993) Unforgiven (1992)
Joe Vs. The Volcano (1990)
Batman Forever (1995)
J.F.K. (1991)
The Fugitive (1993)
GoodFellas (1990)
Lethal Weapon 4 (1998)
Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990)
Twister (1996)
Conspiracy Theory (1997)
Midnight In The Garden (1997)
As for Kubrick, well I doubt
we'll ever see Eyes Wide Shut.
I am not being sarcastic here or lying when I say to you all we will probably knowing Kubrick being the finicky perfectionist he is that we will not by 2001 or ever see his new movie, Eyes Wide Shut.
The last new Kubrick film we will probably ever going to see is 1987's Full Metal Jacket.
The only WB movie I'm interested
in seeing is Wild Wild West which
actually looks good.
We will probably see Star Wars:
Episode 1 by May 21 1999 and
I promise you all by all of
the movie Gods that I will see
and no matter how much it costs
to see that George Lucas sci-fi film on opening day,
no matter what!
Goodbye and may the Force be with you and let's hope WB shapes up, or if WB doesn't shape up, then it's time WB gets shipped out and should call it quits before they destroy more of their great legacy of movie-making and making new bad movies!
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Personally I enjoyed Event Horizon, it was just gory enough to make me happy.
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Bob, I agree with you on all of your selections, most of all the Hudsucker Proxy. This movie was genius, possibly the best that the Coen's have put out (much better than the over-rated Fargo). Everything screamed 1920s, which is one of the most fun era's, and the whole "You know, for kids!" thing was genius. Robbins was great, as was Newman in his small role.
Ridley - are you trying to be original? Are you looking for attention? Is that why you're insulting SPR? Comparing it to Armageddon? Gotta love a good Willis flick... (sarcastic comment excludes Die Hard and Hudson Hawk).
'Das it,
wolverix -
How can so many people think contact was a good movie? Inunderstand that americans are a bit slow and lack cultural subtlety, but contact sucked big time. This film made a travesty of a pretty good sci-fi book (for example, arroway went from being smart to being a stupid sentimental girlie type). Thw who;e movie was a bunch of cheap sci-fi cliches. So sorry guys, you can't count this as a hit for warners.
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Nice to see you posting Harry.
1. L.A. CONFIDENTIAL
2. LETHAL WEAPON 4
3. THE NEGOTIATOR
4. BATMAN FOREVER
I haven't seen CONTACT yet but I did tape it on HBO a little while ago. I think that will make my list also.
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1941 was the worst movie *shudder*(if it's even possible) Spielberg ever made! Christopher Lee and Belushi kept me watching during the (I think) 3 hour+ running time. Hudson Hawk was a good enough entertaining movie, not close to a piece of shit and more then a swallow's flight away from a masterpiece. and lastley, DON'T PICK ON THE PYTHON!!! Those brits had some funny shit, and will be great in '99, or when ever the reunion will take place.
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I've been reading all the posts and and I just wanted to mention "The Negotiator" - a recent WB film that was pretty darn good - in my opinion. Also, for the future, "The Green Mile" will be distributed by WB hmmmm?
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For a studio celebrating 75 yrs. of moviemaking they sure do suck. Batman & Robin was about the biggest piece of crap I've seen in yrs. as well as Sphere and Event Horizon. Now the problem isn't with the filmmakers per se. but rather the fat, obnoxious, skirt chasing, cigar chomping studio execs. who are past their prime. You see, it used to be called "SHOWBUSINESS" but now it's reffered as "BUSINESS-SHOW". It's all about the bottom dollar, not the talent or creative sysnergy a film can produce. In my opinion it's time for the old school to step aside and let our generation step up to the plate. I've worked on many films as an AD some have been successful and others haven't, that's the name of the game. But what irks me the most is that 70% of the people in the biz have been around to long and have become bitter and disenchanted towards the filmmking process as a whole. It's become a batlle of ego's and has in turn made the filmmking process something of an assembly line of sorts. We need to step up as a "cohesive synergy" and let the studios know (i.e. Warners) that it's time for a changing of the guards because who knows what we the public want to see? We do do because we grew up on TV and Film and I believe we know best.
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I didn't think Catwoman or Penguin were too bad-great next to Poison Ivy or Freeze but the Joker kicked ass. WB is definatly going down the tubes.
P.S. ARMAGEDDON was the best blockbuster of the summer ESPECIALLY after that POS should-have-been-made-for-tv-movie DEEP IMPACT
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First off, I'm pleased as all hell to see praise for the second Batman film, not only my favorite of the series but one of my favorite films-- not one of the ten best movies ever made, but one of my ten or fifteen *favorite* movies, and not a bad film to boot. The sets are surreal, dark, beautiful... Burton's understanding of Batman's psychosis is better.. and the characters are all quite interesting. Keaton is perfect; underplaying isn't as easy as it looks, and for me Keaton played Batman as he should be, and did an especially terrific job with teh Bruce Wayne segments which, unlike some of the first Batman movie, did not suck. There was also Catwoman instead of Vicki Vale; Pfieffer is amazing and far more interesting than bland, barely-acting Kim Basinger. Yes, it's flawed (some of the dialogue is a bit odd) but it's a lot of fun as well as a visual, stylish treat for the eyes, as well as being a decnetly psychological portrayl for a comic book film. Those who say the characters from the comics "were destroyed".. well, take notice that Catwoman and Penguin are rather straightforward and boring in the comics. The comics shine with Joker, TwoFace, Zsasz, and others... i've read very few interesitng Catwoman or Penguin stories, and found the animated series episodes with them fairly rote. Tho I love the series overall and think Mask of the Phantasm is a better Batman movie than any of them except Returns.
About Warners: Yes, they're sort've sucking it up, but all big studios have big fat moments of suckiness. Some just last longer than others. WB put out Contact, one of the best sci-fi movies of the decade... and I'm sorry, I see very little wrong with the Avengers that isn't wrong with a lot of other movies: skimpy, unsatisfying plot; waste of an actor (in this case Sean Connery); some cheesy effects (those bugs)... but I enjoyed it, and found it amusing, and fun, and that's waht it was supposed to be. Batman & Robin sucked, and lots of WB movies lately do, but it's not some "evil evil burn WB" epidemic. Get over it. It's just a studio. Someone correclty pointed out that Miramax gets better talent and makes better films. It's that simple. There's always a flux. Universal has sucked it up in the past.. but they've also put out 12 Monkeys, Out of Sight... everyone has their ups and downs when it comes to the big studios. A few years ago Parmaount seemed, to me at least, to be good for little more than broad comedies (Wayne's World, Clueless, Tommy Boy, etc).. of course, I never cared much for Braveheart.
About Hallenback, SPR and Armageddon. Hallenback is arrogant and obnoxious, and has some whacked opinions.. i found BASEketball funny but nothing more, just .. pretty funny. Armageddon was a good sumemr movie, lots of explosions and laughs, and it was way enjoyable. Anyone who suggests it's better than SPR is being silly, however. And I understand disliking the knee-jerk reaction that SPR *must* be better just because it's a serious WWII movie, but anyone who has attacked thsi movie has done so on mostly very weak grounds. They say "these performances sucked" .. and then never elaborate. They just say they sucked. Well, I saw no greatly flawed performances in the movie... yes, there are some slightly odd or even hackneyed speeches, but on the whole the filmmaking is brilliant, not just confined to the battles, although they play a big part. Michael Bay makes some enjoyable movies but he doesn't have much talent as a director. He likes one-line characterizations, lame overstated jokes (it wasn't enough to allude to "needle through the heart" or "Chewbacca".. the chracters had to say "ever see Pulp Fiction?" or "ever see Star Wars?" in such horribly, cringe-inducing, underlining-so-the-dumb-audience-knows lack of any subtltley... sorry, that just bugged me a lot), hectic editing that sometimes looks great and sometimes is completely fucking incoherent.. he's hit and miss. Spielberg made a challenging WWII movie with grace, somewhat unusual structure, and interesting ideas... to say Armageddon is better just because it was more self-aware-jokey is missing the point.
Anyway, great site and all that, cheers. -
Hallenbeck is, as usual, irrational but %100 correct. What do the Warners hope to get out of another Rambo or Leslie Nielsen "movie?" Downsize, dammit!
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Hey, everyone --
Just to set the record straight about "Soldier's" effects...
The preview of "Soldier" last night was a work in progress, folks, and Joe Hallenbeck should've emphasized that. The film has a temp track, and of course some of the effects work looked "rough," as he put it -- it's not finished! Many of the shots are still being tweaked, with mattes being cleaned up and other CG elements added. Finally, the film hasn't been color-timed yet so that all the shots, both f/x and live-action, have a consistent look. All that will happen, of course, before the final release date.
-- Jon A. Bell
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I admit, Hallenbeck's reviews are quite interesting, but he really is a jerk. Not only that he is way to hard on most movies, and likes some weird pieces of crap too. Warners has done a lot of crap recently, but films I enjoyed -- to name a few off the top of my head: Maverick, Twister, Conspiracy Theory, U.S. Marshals, Contact. As for Soldier I'm still gonna see it! Great visual director, I love Kurt Russel (Almost all his movies in the past 10 years), and David Web Peoples is great (Love 12 Monkeys).
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12 Monkeys was one of the best movies of its year. And one of the most significant movies of the decade. Batman 2 was very good and may be the best of the series. Contact is crap. It is offensively unscientific. Finally, Requiem for a Heavyweight is the best movie ever to be about or feature professional wrestling.
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Tim, U don't know the first thing about movies. Event Horizion didn't have a story, just gory imageges lined up.
U.S. Marshalls was sad, really sad. U have to understand that I am a Tommy Lee Jones fan,and The Fugitive is one of my favorite movies (to showings on sunday).
U.S. Marshalls was a retelling of the Fugitive sans Harrison Ford and sadly with a Java Jerk from Starbucks who went on the run from the Marshalls in High Heels and slip-dress, how stupid. -
That bad, eh?...
Most of the high profile Warner projects have been crap lately. But hey, that's nothin' new.. As far as Kurt is concerned. The fact that he IS Jack Burton more than makes up for his digression into 'lowest common denominator' land. It's just unfortunate that John & Kurt will never go back there. What is it about Carpenter and guys named Jack who drive trucks?.... -
Anybody who has to evoke the name Joel Schumacher to properly define the shitiness of a movie is all right with me. I loathe this man. I saw Batman & Robin on HBO--did you think I would actually pay? All I can say is this man needs a refresher course of some kind. Oh, those colors...Don't get me wrong, I think Joel should be on the set in some fashion. As in: "Joel, can you be a dear and get me some more coffee...And then rub my feet...And while you're down there can you look at that thing on my big toe--is it suppose to puss up like that?"
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Rosebud was a sled? Damn!
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How do people like Joe get into advance screenings?
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I enjoy reading Hallenbeck's reviews. Even if i don't agree with them, and a lot of times i don't(I didn't like how he and harry were sucking James Cameron's cock and jizzing all over Titanic; L.A. Confidential was much better), his reviews are funny as hell. Opinions are like assholes, and here are some of mine. Armageddon was a piece of crap. Baseketball was allright, nothing special, but was pretty funny at times. Halloween h20 was a piece of shit, and one of the only recent WB flicks that was good was the great L.A. Confidential that was robbed of many an oscar.
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A couple more WB attributes. Executive Decision and Eraser, and the WB Channel! I know they're separate, but they deliver some kickass TV shows (No, not the live-action black shows). That Superman-Batman animated movie was realistic..
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oops I stepped into a shumacher. Batman Returns was the last good batman movie. This goes out to the idiot who said that Americans where slow contact was a great movie.
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I used to think his reviews were one helluva read, and I kind of believed him once in a while as well.
But after seeing his ARMAGEDDON review & the way he praised that absolute atrocity of a "movie" (even GODZILLA sucked less) his already questionable credibility died violently.
I am willing to put hard cash on that SOLDIER is the better movie of the two, even though I am sure it blows dogs too.
And how anybody with a brain fragment in his head can CRY at ARMAGEDDON (well....you can cry for watching the final nail in decency's coffin being slammed home) is laughable beyond belief. And don't blame any eagle scout frame of mind, Harry. I plainly love your site and it's a godsent for a film nut, but crying at ARMAGEDDON is totally ludicruos.
Fact.
Period. -
SOLDIER IS A GREAT MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Hallenbeck were you born with your head up your ass or did you put it there? Soldier is a great movie or so i and the other couple hundred people who saw it in Pasadena tonight thought. when I read what you had to say about it thought way cool man this dude is right on and Soldier must be one huge piece of shit so when they asked me if I wanted to see Soldier tonight I said yeah I'm looking forward to how BAD this flick must be. Uh uh wrong wrong wrong the Kurt man does it again this movie is the best movie I have seen this year or at least the best movie since the last one you didn't like and sorry Joe we are getting tired of your sorryassed opinions please look at Private Ryan and Armagedon again and go back to UCS film school and ask for a refund. Yes some of the fx were cheesy but so probably are your underpants and like the man said ITS NOT DONE YET! so wait until there done and maybe your balls will drop by then.
And while were giving notes to producers what does it mean when everyone claps at the end? That they think you are a dickhead? No Joe they are not thinking about you at all it means they liked the movie.
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