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The Naked Critic rips the FANTASTIC FOUR trailer limb from limb!
Hey folks, Harry here with a preview of the Fantastic Four trailer that will be attached to prints of ELEKTRA, which opens this weekend. I just got a press release saying this trailer was just going to be in theaters this weekend and not online, so if this description fills you with anticipation, then my oh my, go check it out. However, if this description fills you with dread, just remember... there's a scene, where Reed Richards is testing Ben Grimm's reflexes by hitting his knee with a hammer, and The Thing's reaction? He kicks Reed in the balls.... It's not in the trailer, but it was in the shooting script. JOY!
Hey Harry.
I just got back from a screening of the very mediocre Elektra. Since the site seems to be lousy with Elektra reviews, I won’t waste your time with all that…what I thought WOULD interest you was the fact that we got an eyeful of what MAY have been the North American premiere of the new Fantastic Four trailer.
I should start off by saying that FF was my Gateway Comic. It was my pure, unfettered childhood love for FF that sparked my interest in comic books. That, in turn, led to several years of desperate loneliness, never knowing the touch of a woman…as is wont to happen to comic book nerds. However, I like to think that it’s because I was too choosy…I never met a girl who met up to Sue Richards or the She Hulk’s impressive standards. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
That having been said, I’ve been pretty optimistic about this treatment. Sure, Jessica Alba seemed too young to play Sue, but hey…she’s fucking hot. And at any rate, it HAS to be better than the Corman version…am I right?
Apparently not. I now have no faith in this picture at all.
For starters, about a full third of the movie is plain text. Ordinary, boring, lower-case white-on-black text. It gives us a quick summation of what happened…5 astronauts flew into space, Something Happened, etc.
There’s my first problem…FIVE astronauts. One of them is Doom. This isn’t news or anything, but I’d been hoping feverishly that it was just a bad rumour. Denying the mounting evidence the same way Bush denied that Iraq didn’t have WMDs. I can’t do it any more. It’s proven. As is the lousy idea that the cosmic ray shower (or whatever it is) gave him his armour. Ugh.
Then the text helpfully tells us – and I’m paraphrasing here – “One became evil…the other 4 became…(wait for it)…fantastic.
Cue the rapid-fire editing of scenes from the movie…and there’s not ONE shot that gives me any faith at all.
The costumes look downright ridiculous…as you can see from the promo art. The CGI in this trailer is downright abysmal…it’s actually not far off of the Corman version. A shot of Mr. Fantastic stretching his arm under a door to open it from the other side looks abhorrent. Not only that, but it doesn’t make sense? Why would he just stretch his ARM under the door? Why wouldn’t he just flatten himself completely and slither under? That’s just fucking sloppy.
Doom looks ridiculous, and Chris Evans exudes no charm whatsoever as the Human Torch. Then again, it IS only a trailer, so maybe I’m just assuming he’ll be as lame as he is in every other movie he makes. And again, the few CGI shots of him with flames are just atrociously bad.
But for the true horror, feast your eyes on The Thing. Poor Ben Grimm honestly looks WORSE than he did in the Corman masterpiece. I don’t know what I was hoping for…maybe that his look would be polished up in post or something. But Viktor Yushchenko looks like a more convincing Thing post-dioxin. Don’t believe me? Here’s the proof.
Not only that, but the one scene of him in action is just laughably bad and got jeers from the audience. Apparently, it’s clobberin’ time on the freeway as Grimmy stands perfectly still in the middle of traffic and allows a Mack truck to basically crumple around him (I can’t quite recall if he PUNCHED the speeding semi at all). Meanwhile, he remains completely motionless, rooted in place as the truck becomes so much scrap metal. Christ, that was bad.
I suppose that the terrible effects on display aren’t the FINAL ones…maybe they’re still touching them up. But if so, WHY bother putting them in the trailer? It doesn’t make sense.
My Spider-sense is tingling, and it tells me a bomb is incoming.
Regards
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"But Viktor Yushchenko looks like a more convincing Thing post-dioxin" -- man thats harsh!
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And hopefully with this bomb, the reign of comic book movie terror is over.
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Nope....what I saw was just fine. I disagree with ya on almost all points except Doom being the 5th astronaught. That part sucks...but what can ya do?
Other than that...I can't wait to see the full trailer.
Nuff said. -
Jan 13, 2005 5:59:36 PM CST
The reality is, only the Spider-Man and X-Men series have been g
by jim jam bongs
Only Bryan Singer and Sam Raimi "get it" when it comes to making a good superhero flick. The entire revival of the superhero movie genre rests on these two men's shoulders. Maybe Chris Nolan will become the third, but I have my doubts: He seems a bit obsessed with turning Batman's production design into a Blade Runner sequel.
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Why do I imagine the "Queer Eye" music coming in on the soundtrack at this point?
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I don't really see how you're supposed to find "charm" or review an entire movie based on a text crawl and a quick montage of action shots with no context, but whatever, if AICN wants to bury FF based on something thousands of people saw this afternoon yet some random guy thinks he has the ball on because he knows She Hulk was a FF member under Byrne, go for it. The trailer looked nice and gave some cool shots to me, but whatever.
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Holy christ, this reviewer is a nerd. He is nerdier than his own description of himself.
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why is ben grimm shorter than reed? was it always that way in the comics? i always though the thing was at least 25% bigger than most humans but apparently not. and what of the human torch? this reviewer didn't mention the quality (or lack thereof) of the "flame on" human torch. i've not seen one thing regarding this movie that makes me have faith in it, other than perhaps the casting of adrian peterson and michael chiklis. and by the way ... the hulk fucking ruled! yeah, it was a bit dark and brooding and overwrought but i thought the special effects were damn good and the comic book panel style editing ingenious. in fact, i think the hulk ranks right up there with spider-man 2 (way better than the first) and x-men 2 (also way better than the first) as best comic book adaptations.
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They changed everything....the whole story is completely different...putting Doom on the plane, Johnny being the pilot....Johnny not having blonde hair, Sue being Doom's fiancee?????????? So that makes Reed a girl-stealer??? Come on!!!!! The Thing looks like a animated lump of shit. He looks terrible....this looks god-aweful. We waited all these years for this??? Why would Avid Avrad let this happen? Why would he let them change this soooo much? Why would he look at the Thing costume and say, "hey, that looks good!" ---did he ever see the books before? He doesn't look anything like him! Nothing like him. The Thing is tiny...I saw a shot with him standing next to a girl and the girl towered over him.....man, this is bad. He's gone toe-to-toe with the Hulk, now he's the size of the Hulk's hand.....I can't believe how bad this looks....I have a copy of the Corman film and I think that that movie is better than what I've been hearing and seeing with the new one....they got the costumes right, the origin right, Doom looked great.....hell, it will be funny when the new one comes out and everyone keeps screaming that the Roger Corman one was better....wow, I wonder who will get fired over that one...
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"But Viktor Yushchenko looks like a more convincing Thing post-dioxin." That there is some good writing! Great analogy/comparison! Why can't Harry write at your level?
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Isn't it amazing how we can tell a movie is going to be a stinker from months away -- but the studios can't? FF has been THE big comic book movie I've been waiting for... but as soon as they announced the director, I was baffled: what the hell was on that guy's resume that could possibly qualify him for a huge, FX-heavy film like this? And why are they messing with FF mythology by having Doom aboard the ill-fated space flight? I'm far from a purist, but come on. That all said, I wonder why no one has ever thought of doing a classic comic book film in CG, a la THE INCREDIBLES. Use Alex Ross for the character designs, and bring 'em to life! And, like Harry suggested ages ago, it might've been cool to see a FF movie take place in its home decade of the 60s. Oh, well... it looks like we might have to file FF under What Could Have Been -- right along side HULK (though it had some brilliant action), DAREDEVIL, and ELEKTRA. Christ, there aren't enough Sam Raimis and Bryan Singers to go around....
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"Apparently, it
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Over there sir, LOOK!
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Can use their abilities to render themselves virtually immovable. Not sure if the same applies to Ben Grimm.(geek snort)
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....once The Incredibles came out. That's how to do the Fantastic Four. They're releasing this movie two weeks after Batman and two days after War of the Worlds - it's going to get crushed by both.
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Jan 13, 2005 7:11:04 PM CST
"The other four became... fantastic." Flame on, indeed. :-(
by prof. pop-cult
Normally I'd say we shouldn't pass judgement based on an early trailer. But so far the track record has simply NOT been good in regards to many of the recent superhero movies. Blade 3, Catwoman, Daredevil and Elektra all had crappy trailers.
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It's going to seriously be inhibited at the box office with the movies it will be up against. ESPECIALLY if the word is that it's terrible ... which is what the word is.
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Thanks to stupid geeks who will have to own the DVD and other stupid people, I bet this film turns a profit. And the studio's only goal is turn a profit, not make a good film. Sure, if would have made a better film, they'd make higher profits, but they are too lazy to do that.
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Jan 13, 2005 7:20:34 PM CST
I wonder if the Corman film will finally get released on DVD aft
by riskebiz
After FF is out of the theater, is there any reason why the Corman film needs to sit on the shelf?
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Why the hell do they constantly do this? The stories are already written for these idiots.
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Picked it up at a comic convention, but the quality was so bad you could barely see anything, and the sound was practically inaudible, so I never watched it. The few seconds of the Thing I saw in it though looked at least as good as what I've seen so far from this one. I was really hoping they'd do some perspective tricks or CGI to make him bigger. Hell, Ben Grimm was a muscular college football star for Chrissakes!
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Did we already forget that? Taxi! This film was a turd from the start, its the result of the studio wanting to cash in on the comic craze before they wore it out, crap out a script, grab a guy, (grab someone else after he realizes its crap), and shamble it together in time for a summer release.
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Anybody know where to obtain a watchable copy of the Corman version?
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Jan 13, 2005 7:48:48 PM CST
Now it's the fucking dumbass news poster dragging politics into
by iamjacksuserid
Go eat your own shit and die, gaspumper!
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So far what I've seen, the movie looks like its going to be pretty good.
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Anyway, I never understood the appeal of the FF, even when I collected comics waaaaay back in early grade school. I mean a dude who stretches, a chick who turns invisible, a dude that's on fire, and a big muscle-bound brute. Not too exciting. Not to insult them because I know they have a HUGE following but I never could muster the interest in them. ------- On a side note, it's been probably a decade and a half since I even looked at a comic but in anticipation of Sin City, I ordered and have read all but two books in the series and I FUCKING LOVE THEM. Wow. I hate it it took a movie to get me to buy it because I have always wanted to read it, but better late than never.
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...but that turned out OK. I'm not going to dismiss a movie based on the 'quick-series-of-action-shots' teaser when a great deal of the FX work hasn't been done yet.
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Jan 13, 2005 8:56:53 PM CST
Holy confusion, Batman: wasn't it Harry who called the script fo
by ribbons
http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=17769 **************** Now he's hinting at a terrible story (no pun intended). What the dilly-o? This site has been confusing the crap out of me lately.
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Cheez...from the sound of it, Marvel's released a string of duds.
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I remember when I first heard about the 'Hulk' script and choice of Ang Lee as director: I was eating lunch at White Castle on Madison, and Joe Quesada - yes I'm dropping a name, bitch! -
tells us what the movies gonna be about. He had me and Don from "Hulk Dogs"; that is, he had us gagging. I looked at Axel (who was editing Spidey titles at the time) and he just sort of drifted off without ever actually leaving the table. We were pretty critical of the who deal, and I suppose that's why Joe never took to me like he did some others but hey: I'm not gonna keep my mouth shut just because you made it to Marvel head honcho.
So, the F.F. movie? Knew it would be shit. Didn't have to see a script to know that the laws of inevitability would begin to apply to Marvel's movie franchises. It's too bad too, because I would have loved to seen "Luke Cage, Hero for Hire" directed by Spike Lee.
Well, at least there's "Constantine" to look forward to. -
BTW; I have watchable copies od his movie on DVD. Email me at johnknox@hotmail.com for details.
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who thinks linking Doom to the FF by putting him on the flight is the best idea to simplify things I've heard in a long time. Rather than the whole College roomy gets scarred in accident which he blames on hero, goes away builds super armour and learns black magic, takes over obscure eastern european country before returning to haunt hero deal of the comics you have the simple and somewhat more logical flight gives people powers but leaves one physically scarred - said individual swears revenge against initiator of flight idea. I dont know if the armour grows or is put on, if it grows then thats a bit dumb but if the armour is put on to cover the scarring then to be honest the idea is a good way of simplifying a overcomplicated origin. This film could suck @$$ but I dont think its because of a fairly minor origin change.
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Jan 13, 2005 9:34:42 PM CST
I'm not surprised by all the nagativity here on this site, but i
by the founder
Harry has been against this movie from the star, and i don't expect it to change period. this film will be bashed to no end, so it wouldn't matter how good the trailer was. I'll be seeing, and the FX looks good to me, I don't knowwhat this guy is talking about.
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If so will it be in the Director Editions DVD?
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... it's either crap, or the new Fantastic Flop movie. I just booked my hotel for the San Diego Comic Con, and I am really hoping that I get the opportunity to ask the makers of this turdfest at what point did they know that they had a stinker on their hands? Was it the lousy script? The neophyte director with no experience in big-budget special effects-laden films? The hopeless miscasting of the film's characters? I especially want to ask them how the studio that financed the film feels knowing that even with over 100 times the budget of the Roger Corman Fantastic Four movie, they still managed to make an inferior film?
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And, I don't want to hear any of you fan boys out there saying, "You should give it chance!" Yeah, well, just because a million flies say shit tastes great doesn't mean I'm going to have a bite and this, certainly looks like shit to me.
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True, but it seems that what he's getting at here is a dislike of the FF script. As far as I know, Harry still likes the *script* for 'Batman Begins.' Whether or not it's any good is another matter, but to do a 180 like that is bizarre.
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I'm surprised no one has proposed it yet.
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I think your sarcasm detector is turned off....switch it on and then read ol' painless's post again.
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'Cause you can't really get much in the way of vocal inflection or body language in a written forum. Regardless, if Ol Painless isn't brainless then he can pass of my venomous diatribe to the next conservative he encounters with my apologies. I just get tired of hearing that shit seep into the non political forums on this site. Don't soil the Fantastic Four with Republican propaganda.
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Part of it at least. Proving the reveiwer is just Harry hiding behind pseudonyms.
http://www.fantastic411.com/20sec.mov -
Yes, he definitely would have had the respect for the FF to do this right. Why do the studios keep handing these films off to total losers? Apparrently it's profitable. That's why Uwe Boll isn't living in a box somewhere.
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Hey, pretty sure that was sarcasm and I didn't even have to hear your inflection. I wasn't trying to insult you, and I can see how one might make the mistake of assuming the post is for serious at a glance, but remarks like "repealing clean-air acts is good for the environment...?" Come on, man: reasonable doubt is one thing.
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Jan 14, 2005 1:30:10 AM CST
ATTENTION MR. POTATO HEAD: The Fantastic Four's costumes ARE ri
by eugene o
Sheesh.
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Jan 14, 2005 2:05:07 AM CST
Man this is the stupidest comic book movie trailer I've seen in
by robofag
Everything is jsut plain shit into that trailer! That's the pure whitetrash film.
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Jan 14, 2005 3:00:27 AM CST
Superhero movies ARE HERE TO STAY. The problem isn't the source
by jdanielp
"Sequential art" has been around since cavemen learned to draw. So what's the problem with Hollywood interpreting our favorite comic book characters??? I mean, ... after all, ... storytelling, in sequential art form, is exactly what comic books are. So what's so hard about making the jump to film ... when it's been proven on the printed page year after year??? You'd think that creating a good story for most any superhero wouldn't be a problem ... and comics are like illustrated movies anyway (in storyboard form). Quite honestly, I think Hollywood is just short on the right talent to make these films.
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Jan 14, 2005 3:19:43 AM CST
Yea I'm really going to buy an Elektra ticket to watch this trai
by bong
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Jan 14, 2005 3:30:03 AM CST
Why all the hatred?? If the movie is so bad, just show FOX and n
by the founder
Man you people have a d@mn stick up your @sses. This board is fill with 99 percent dread. Just don't see the FF. i saw the footage on MTv, and it looked good to me.
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Maybe I'm missing something but this is looking absolutely fine to me!! And yes, I read the comic for years as well.Changes have been made, let it go you freaks. Exactly where is the bad word on this film? The only bad word I see is from whiny little bitches on here out to wreck the movie before it's even opened, and dare I say, BEFORE THEY'VE EVEN SEEN IT.
To be honest, this looks like a solid, enjoyable action movie and faithful enough to do the FF justice. -
Jan 14, 2005 4:21:45 AM CST
I still hold out hope for this thing, but it's true: The Fantias
by noriko takaya
Set in the whole early 60's/Kennedy era, ala The Incredibles. *That* movie had it nailed dead center - look, tone, everything. Sigh. I can see why the studio might not want to take a chance on the extra expense of doing it like that, but sometimes a little risk is a good thing. Well, we'll see. Maybe it'll rock anyway. Toppu o Nerae!
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I'm not a FF fan... I know about the FF and what they can do, powers etc but from the very moment this picture was greelit I thought that this MAY be the film to bring the whole comic-to-film wave crashing down again. It just looks wrong (even to me and as I said, I'm not a fan). Even I know The Thing doesnt look right and that the rest of the cast (to me) seem to fucking young!?? Anyway, as I said, I'm no authority here and there are probably many people who can defend every second of the trailer but from what I've seen I dont think this film will convert me into a FF fan in any way. Sorry....
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why does every fanbo w/ a review has it involve bush? i mean, if u dont like the promo from the FF.... i am pretty sure G Dub wasnt in the promo... but .. i guess thats just me...
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Yes, it was a bit of sarcasm, but instead of oozing it from every pore, I only seemed to drip a small discharge of it. Have to say though, that I'm glad to have you on my side. As they said in that Jean Claude Van Damme masterpiece, No Retreat, No Surrender: "No Retreat! No Surrender!" And as long as I can do my bit with my small discharges of foul-smelling sarcasm splattering across the internet, then By Crikey, I will! or at least till the day that Yojimbo Jones' balsa wood and bungey-cord Harbinger's Of Nucular Mushroom Clouded Doom rain on us all.
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Jan 14, 2005 9:49:54 AM CST
Even X-Men had More Going for it by the time of the First Teaser
by drath
The teaser and the costumes for X-Men were unimpressive, true, but I think between Bryan Singer and the cast he had, there was still lots more promise at that stage of the production than I think Fantastic Four boasts. I hope the movie can turn around because it would be a shame to see the Fantastic Four stink after being put off for so long...so that it wouldn't stink. That's just not right.
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Jan 14, 2005 1:11:03 PM CST
Once the Peyton Reed directed version ceased, so did my interest
by matthooper8
Not one thing I have read seen or heard about this film has been good. This will make a ton on opening weekend, then when word of mouth gets out, it's Godzilla 98' all over again.
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"That, in turn, led to several years of desperate loneliness, never knowing the touch of a woman
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Jan 14, 2005 5:58:43 PM CST
PeteyS - "Lets have a little originality injected back into the
by ivan_mtl
You're kidding, right? If you look at the slate of upcoming movies this year, it is filled with nothing but sequels to previous hits, big screen adaptions of old television shows, and unnecessary remakes of "classic" films of the past - most of which got it right the first time (WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, WAR OF THE WORLDS and KING KONG). As a comic book fan, I have had to deal with snobby elitists who feel that the material is somehow beneath them my entire life. It is a legitimate entertainment medium like anything else, and, as such, can be mined for material to translate to the big screen. Don't blame the source material, blame the interpreter.
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"Let's have a little originality injected back into the film industry again. Fucking comic book movies." What a jackass. Since when has there ever been any originality in the film industry in the last 20 years? I don't want to hear that shit just because some wannabe elitist needs an agenda.
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...because at leat then the price of my old childhood collection will not skyrocket to the point that I'll be tempted to sell it.
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"A third of the movie is text"? Because the trailer is? By that logic, I guess Star Wars 3 is going to be a third clips from the old films. Ben "stands perfectly still in the middle of traffic and allows a Mack truck to basically crumple around him ", He jumped in front of the truck to save some guy who was about to be smashed. How did "naked" miss that? Johnny on fire looks like, In paused quick time, the Alex Ross version of the torch. Reed looks fine, Doom looks good, Sue looks great in her costume and in the visualization of both her powers.
I don't know if it will all ad up to a good film, But there's nothing here that says the film will suck.
The Thing in the Corman flick looks good, But it couldn't move.
And is the Corman version really a "cult" hit? Or is it just something that sells out of curiosity? I bought a copy. And after hearing for years how the cast and crew pored their hart and souls into it, I was stunned at how awful it was. Dark, Slow, Bad "sets", It looks like it was filmed in a dark warehouse, You can't hear most of the dialogue, I guess it would've cost too much to re-dub any of it. And the one shot of the torch was like the first 1940's Superman movie, where it changed to an animation drawing to show him fly. -
It looked okay to me. Though they should've scrapped Doom and gone with the classic 'Infant Terrible' story. Just joking.
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To me, the trailer looked like the movie will blow up in a good way. The effects looked awesome and the action exciting.
Even if this tramples over the comic version, it looks like it will be fun. When the oncoming car gets close to Thing, he kinda tosses it. Pretty awesome, even if those who did the Things makeup were responsible for Godzilla (i.e. rubber suit). -
Jan 19, 2005 12:52:50 PM CST
They should have used Twisted Toyfare Theatre as the source
by lordsoth
A FF film based on TTT would have been great! Dr. Doom can constantly yell, "Curse you, Richards!" and Ben can eat too much broccoli.
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