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Want To Win Something Incredible From THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY'

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

Man, the folks over at Disney are insanely freakin’ generous. They have put together a very, very cool contest for you, and it’s my pleasure to present the details to you today. See, the folks over at Neca are putting together a very limited run of replicas of Vogon props from the upcoming film, only 1000 pieces each. As Robbie Stamp explained when he made his presentation at BNAT this year, the entire Vogon culture is based on the square. Everything they make is incredibly ugly and painful looking, and Neca’s created replicas of things you’d find in a typical Vogon office... a mug, a pen and a stand, and a stapler.

Now, we’re not just giving away one complete set. Nope. Disney knows that you guys are hardcore geeks who are already in on the joke, so they’ve arranged for us to give away Set #42 out of the 1000. And all you have to do to win it is to create the very best Vogon poem you can.

Or, I should say, the very worst. I want my eyes to bleed. I want my brain to recoil and try to crawl out of my head. I want to be sorry I ever came up with this contest idea. Hit me with everything you’ve got, folks, and the person who finally breaks my spirit and makes me cry gets the prize.

Send all your entries to this address before Monday, January 17th at noon, PST.

And God have mercy on my soul.

"Moriarty" out.

Readers Talkback
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  • Jan. 11, 2005, 4:04 a.m. CST

    I miss Douglas Adams

    by Shan

    Sorely missed ...

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 4:40 a.m. CST

    Looking forward to this flick

    by Napolean Solo

    All word so far has been positive.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 4:43 a.m. CST

    Not First!

    by aphextwin

    So here is my poem: I am a man. I am a man who is hungry. I am a man who is so hungry he could it something. I am a man who could eat some food. So I go to the fridge and open the door. What a surprise: ther's is nothing, even on the floor. aphextwin

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 4:53 a.m. CST

    Can people outside the US enter?

    by Monkey Butler

    Cos I gotta say, I'm a pretty bad poet

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 5:07 a.m. CST

    I'd really love to win this contest with my (lack of) writing sk

    by DJLetterbox

    so here's my poem, entitled "Identical Radicals"...................................Without my eyesight is a hindrance of oblivion./ My intoxicated and somehow adorable love, is Sicilian./ Thrusting and sobbing I'm struck with the notion./ She said "I'm in love, like a headcold, in the ocean."/ I haven't a clue in regards to the ending of the story./ But remember my heat and that gushing hole known as "glory"./ It was the eyes that gave away what her mind was containing./ It was her fist that led to the order of restraining.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 6:02 a.m. CST

    January love

    by Knockers

    Snow snow everywhere, wherever I look I see you there.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 7:36 a.m. CST

    Man these take home tests are a bitch..

    by JAGUART

    Whatever happened to the Thanksgiving Giveaway?

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Question for Americans

    by Otto Parts

    My friend claims that Hitchhiker's doesn't have a big enough following in the US to make it a success. I argued that this is nonsense, as the studio wouldn't even dream of making this movie if they didn't already know that there is a big enough US fanbase to rely upon. My friend got all upset, and started banging on about how Thunderbirds was a flop, and far fewer people in America know about Hitchhiker's than knew about Thunderbirds. I really want to just shut him up, so I thought I'd ask what the general feeling amongst Americans was - is Thunderbirds better known than HitchHiker's? Does HitchHiker's have a big US following?

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 8:28 a.m. CST

    Vogon Poem Generator

    by silent_light

    See, see the big sky Marvel at its big red depths. Tell me, arnold do you Wonder why the deformed giraffe ignores you? Why its foobly stare makes you feel smelly. I can tell you, it is Worried by your yackdoodle facial growth That looks like A pink pear. What's more, it knows Your ass potting shed Smells of pea. Everything under the big big sky Asks why, why do you even bother? You only charm old bananas.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Otto Parts,

    by I Dunno

    First of all your friend sounds like a nutcase for getting worked up over that but that's neither here nor there. I kind of agree with him though. I know plenty of sci-fi geeks in real life and I only know one cool chick who's even heard of Hitchhiker's Guide. It's not very well known in the States. It also doesn't have any huge stars, which "my people" require in a big movie and with all the internal dialogue and narration, I can't imagine how it's going to be put to film in a mainstream way. I'll be there opening day of course but I'm afraid it's not going to do very well in the States. To make things worse they'll probably release it a week before Spiderman 7. We're going to have to rely on you Brits to make it successful enough for a sequel.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 8:50 a.m. CST

    Not well known...

    by ECUPirate71

    I had heard of the books, and I just last week picked up a hardcover edition of all the stories. I think the movie may be generating some interest in the books, but hey, this is America and a film does not need a hugely popular source material to make for a film that does well. Everything Ihave heard has sounded positive, I think it has a good shot of doing well.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 9:02 a.m. CST

    I'm not trying to be negative, I really hope it does well

    by I Dunno

    Restaurant at the End of the Universe would be kickass.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 9:03 a.m. CST

    To the guy from England...

    by godric

    Maybe not as many people have heard about the movie, but I'd say that among people I know more of them know of or have read the Hitchhiker's books than have seen Thunderbirds. I read them for the first time in junior high or early high school, and several times since then, and I think enough people here know what it is to go see it. Especially if it looks better than Thunderbirds. (A franchise title is not enough to draw us to the theater.)

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Oh, joy...

    by Childe Roland

    ...another contest where Mori makes the monkeys dance for his amusement then neglects to reward the "winners" with so much as a banana. Has this guy ever really followed through and given a prize for one of these things?

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 10:18 a.m. CST

    re: Otto Parts

    by The Funketeer

    I would say that more people over here have read the books than were familiar with The Thunderbirds but it's certainly not enough to make it an automatic success. I'm thinking that if the movie makes a lot of money, most of the people seeing it will not even realize it was based on a series of novels.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 10:55 a.m. CST

    I and all of my firends knew about Hitchhiker's in High School

    by mortsleam

    Then again, we were all a bunch of fucking dorks. But still, that's a dozen or so people who knew about it. Maybe not all of them knew about the radio series, or the crappy BBC TV show, I did. Which I guess made me King Fucking Dork.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 11:07 a.m. CST

    Plenty of American Support for HHGTTG

    by monkeyboyjunior

    Hitchhiker's was huge here. I don't know what your friend is on, but you're definitely right. And, by virtue of our rather large population, even a relaltively small percentage of HHGTTG fans will translate into a lot of tickets.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Man, I got to get my Vogon poetry skills on

    by Lost Skeleton

    Disney is on it with how they are selling this.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Try this

    by Lost Skeleton

    Red sky is bad/ I hate bad/ but blue sky is good/ still i feel bad/ eat something

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 11:34 a.m. CST


    by BlankGeneration

    Regurgitate, expectorate the clingy nodule Deny at its big bile depths. Query, joe do you wish why the platypus to mate with you? crease the luquid pant set and revel in the hesitant. Directly, it is abashed by your scromlud facial growth That looks like A soy. What's more, it knowsYour hymen pneumatic drill Smells of pea. Everything under the mammary laden lecherous charm nostrils.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 12:04 p.m. CST


    by johnhawks

    You can't have another contest until you announce the winners for the last Thanksgiving contest! That sucks!

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 12:23 p.m. CST

    Wow! Thanks for the speedy and detailed responses guys

    by Otto Parts

    Cheers I Dunno, ECUPirate71, godric, The Funketeer, Ancient Lights, monkeyboyjunior - and special mention must go to mortslearn for making me chortle so much! Well, I will certainly have a lot to discuss with my friend now. And I Dunno: you're right, he is a bit nuts, I could actually see him turning slightly purple around the neck when I disagreed with him about how popular HGTTG was in the US compared to Thunderbirds. I really hope it's a success in the US anyway - I'm sure it'll do OK over here, but that won't be enough to get sequels made, so I'm really relying on you Yanks. Of course, the film could suck donkey anus, in which case, nothing can save it. Thanks again!

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 12:26 p.m. CST

    To rest upon my blovated sphincter...

    by morGoth cradle its omnipotent bungery. Alas, and forswoodle, to only produced a noodle. ** How's that for starters folks? Anyway, the cheap come they can't offer up the Heart o' Gold prop?

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Otto Parts...

    by morGoth

    ...speaking for the 50+ crowd, yes, Hitchhikers is much better known (and liked) than the Thunderbirds in the US. Geez, do I have to mention that one was also a freakin' puppet movie?!! Anyway, played the old Commodore64 HHGTG game and own all the books. Even non sci-fi folks like my wife got into it. A lot depends how good of a job they do on the movie. ** Oh yeah, hiya mortsleam old boy, where ya been? The Club's been a rather lonely place since Christmas {[:^(

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 1:03 p.m. CST


    by MrBadd

    Why would anyone be interested in this? The only way *I* would be interested would be if they gave us the chance to recast this crap.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 1:20 p.m. CST

    The Original Vogon Poem

    by Banky the Hack

    For reference, from the book: Oh freddled gruntbuggly, / Thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits / On a lurgid bee. / Groop, I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes / And hooptiously drangle me / with crinkly bindlewurdles, / Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon / See if I don't.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Mass appeal


    Just cause not everyones read the book doesn't mean the movie wont be great and therfore successful.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 3:56 p.m. CST

    Hitchhiker's Guide was big in the U.S.

    by GypsyTRobot

    most Gen X geeks had read the first book in high school or college, and many saw the TV series. I am interested in seeing the movie, and I'll probably reread the first book. I have no idea how this translates to people older and younger than myself. +++ it's been awhile since I read the books, the thing I remember most was laughing my ass off when Marvin tricked the robotic tank into falling to its doom. Hell's bells!

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 4:17 p.m. CST

    You still haven't given away the stuff from the last (thanksgivi

    by JackBurton

    I mean fer fucks sakes...

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 4:20 p.m. CST

    Thunderbirds better known?

    by ICDesEngr

    Why does anyone think that the number of people that read the book will have anythng to do with how well the movie does? Do you all actually believe that everyone that saw LOTR actually read the triology? HHGTTG was a best seller and has continually been in print since it was originally issued. You think bookstores keep things on the shelf so they can collect dust? There's a reason you can go to your closest Borders or BAN and find it on the shelf. And that reason is based on US readership, not UK readership. People here are unlikely to know about the radio and other shows in the UK, but the book is well known by anyone that regularly reads scifi (or even by the occasionaly scifi reader) and it shows up on numerous "must read lists". It even shows up in the list of reading material for the scifi section of English classes in US schools nowadays. Thunderbirds is only known by people that saw it in the 60's during it's brief run then or people that saw the more recent crappy version that showed up on Saturday morning. Whomever greenlighted a live action Thunderbirds is the person that should be questioned. Besides, if they market it correctly and it's a good movie, the existance or non-existance of the book is completely irrelevant. A huge number of movies shown in the US come from books that a large portion of the audience has never read (or heard of before seeing the movie).

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 4:27 p.m. CST


    by ICDesEngr

    Anyone that knew anything about the Thunderbirds also knew from teh movei description that HW had massively modified it while taking it to the big screen. I qualify as a Thunderbirds fan (original GA version). I haven't seen the movie, and probably never will. Success will be reached if two things happens - the translation keeps whatever fan base alreasy exists and if it's good enough to have broader appeal. LOTR did both in spades. Thunderbirds did neither.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Say what? Enter ANOTHER contest we'll never see the prizes for?

    by Son Of Batboy

    Like others posted, what about the winners of that RAMBO LYNCH dvd giveaway from Thanksgiving? The last time I piss away my time on a contest here again. Forget it! Find a sucker someplace else.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 7:22 p.m. CST

    Thanksgiving Contest

    by drew mcweeny

    Actually, the prizes for the Thanksgiving contest were sent out over a month ago, and the winners were all notified by e-mail. I'm sorry I didn't have enough copies to give away to everyone who entered, but that's why they're contests. Relax on the knee-jerk accusations already. We're offering you a chance to win free things. Maybe you could scale the hostility back a smidge, eh?

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 8:46 p.m. CST

    How about the lyrics to NIN "Piggy"?

    by Mike Fornes

    I win. Sent it to Trent.

  • Jan. 11, 2005, 10:59 p.m. CST


    by tbrosz

    Heck with the poetry, I just ordered a couple of the mugs. Still thinking about the pen set... BTW, my Disney Nautilus model (cost me about $200) is going on E-Bay for over twice that now.

  • Jan. 12, 2005, 2:05 a.m. CST

    Where can you buy these at?

    by ShawnDoc

    There's no way I can win this contest, so I'd like to purchase these. Any idea where you can buy them? I checked the Disney Store site and the official movie site and didn't see anything.

  • Jan. 12, 2005, 4:54 a.m. CST

    Notified by email...uh huh.

    by JackBurton

    Call me cynical (and I am) but if you really gave the prizes away why would there have been no announcement? Why has there been absolutely no one ever mentioning they won on any of the talkbacks? Why are there people from the competition before that are still complaining that they apparently won stuff but never got their promised prizes? Honestly I don't even care that much, but it all does reek pretty highly of bullshit, and I can certainly understand why so many people are unbelieving or even outright pissed at this point. Then again what do I care, and there's probably a better than average chance that I won't be here by morning anyway, and if so, c'est la vie.

  • Jan. 12, 2005, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Vogon poetry = AAAARRGGGGHHH!

    by Fugazi32

    I do like that Vogon coffee mug though :P I'd drink a brew outta that ;)