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Review

BLADE: TRINITY review

With the first BLADE, I was conflicted… the film was cool, but deeply flawed. However, that film held the base magic necessary to do comic-adaptations, which was to take the material seriously and with a degree of weight. The film had many classic cool moments, but ultimately failed due to not having any balance. Blade and Whistler were cool, but no other character in the film was. The result was a very uneven film.

Then came BLADE II. Now – I’m rather infamous for my BLADE II review, where I compared a bit of pacing through the house of pain to a great practitioner in cunnilingus. I entered into that realm due to the rather ribald humor that Guillermo himself unleashed that night at the screening, the vagina mouthed Reapers and lastly there was the actual pacing of give and pull back of thrills that Guillermo unleashed masterfully in the HOUSE OF PAIN sequence. That aside – Blade worked – the pack that was meant to hunt him works – the key reaper worked – the romance worked – even that slightly annoying sidekick loser kinda worked. It was flawed mainly in that Blade never fully allowed himself to be a fully developed human being – but then – that could in fact be because he sees himself solely as a killer and hunter, and is not allowing himself to care about anyone due to what he believes his sole purpose to exist is. At least that’s one way to look at it.

Now it comes to BLADE: TRINITY – If I have to use a sexual metaphor to compare BLADE: TRINITY to, it would be this. It is as if you decided to live out a fantasy and you hired a dominatrix to tie you up. She comes in covered head to toe in latex. You’re bound firmly. Once helpless and anticipating great pleasure… You see her remove her hood and in place of what you had hoped you see the most hideous creature known to mankind. It smiles at you with a maw filled with chipped broken cavity ridden teeth and pus-y gums. It goes down on you dragging these sharp jagged teeth across the sensitive skin of your horrified organ. Cutting your flesh, infecting you with it’s terribleness… from time to time the tongue gives a second or two of pleasure, but the ill-formed briar patch mouth causes mostly winces and agony, as you’re constantly reminded of the fact… you paid for this shit. FUCK!

Ok… so there’s pus-y infection, jagged teeth cutting into you and just general displeasure at the physical form – as well as the raspy hacking coughing voice. What does that translate to in terms of cinematic story-telling?

1) The Raspy Hacking Coughing Voice: Rather than try anything dramatic with score for this film, they instead decide to overpower every scene with what may very well be cool pounding dance club music – but it renders whole sequences laughably bad. For example – when Ryan & Jessica & Blade are escaping the police station – and we get the introduction of some hip hop duuude in a rundown vehicle bumping into a cop car with ridiculously stereotypical Hip Hop – that is tonally so far out of left field. And the escape so completely half-assed, that I found myself HATING being in the theater. This became further enhanced by Jessica Biel’s character having an iPod that she downloads music to kill by. One, not only is her choice in obnoxiously overpowering thump thump bullshit, but also just the concept that you have a character that goes off into hand to hand combat – taking her ears TOTALLY out of the equation. Yet this character is constantly hitting characters that come up behind her… I suppose psychically detecting them, though that is never mentioned. Any martial artist that takes their ears out of the equation would be retarded. I can’t help but think of James Caan in the original and only ROLLERBALL, “EARS… They’re real important!” The amount of time dedicated to her character creating and using the features of her iPod really does feel ludicrous… I’m focusing on it, because it is the visualization of a crass soundtrack that keeps the audience from ever really emotionally connecting… instead making the film feel more like MORTAL KOMBAT.

2) The Jagged Teeth Cutting Into Your Privates: All the vampire characters. These are just fucking awful. They became self-parody of the prior films vampires. As Goyer has envisioned the vampires of this universe – they are ridiculous Euro-trash-like fops. Then – the concept of basically having a film that takes a steaming dump on ALL PREVIOUS incarnations of Dracula in favor of a fucking stiff necked jar headed domesticated wannabe Fabio with a crew cut Dracula… well that cuts. I mean, the premise of bringing Dracula back… specifically a Euro Trash version… well fuck, go for it then. Cast Udo Kier and have him reprise his Warholian classic role. Oh sure – there’s the action aspect… he’s basically a white Blade that transforms into a Final Fantasy version of the She-Creature. But it just sucks. Then there’s Parker Posey and the vaunted TRIPLE H characters and it just doesn’t work at all. For one, all of their contacts are distractingly bad. Two – their vampire teeth are too big giving one the impression that they’ve got oversize plastic dime store jobs they’re trying to do dialogue through. The big problem is that nearly all the vampire stuff is being played for jokes. Villains that are essentially, “..And we would have gotten away with it too, if not for that pesky Blade and you Kids!” Just terrible.

3) The PUS-Y Infection – was essentially the lack of real character work for Jessica Biel, Patton Oswalt and Natasha Lyonne. There’s just nothing there for them. Sure Jessica looks hot – but my god, a very emotional event occurs for her and there’s just nothing there in the material for her to do anything with. She’s essentially just a cut scene character. Which is so unfair, cuz she is a better actress than that. With Patton Oswalt, you have one of the funniest fuckers around, utterly abandoned as a performer… given next to no time to really cut loose – of course this isn’t his film, and shouldn’t be – but how they deal with the character really short changes what could have been a really fun character. Lastly Natasha Lyonne is seemingly bored as hell in this film. You watch her perform in something like NIGHT AT THE GOLDEN EAGLE, you realize how wonderful she can be… But here, she’s supposed to be playing a blind mother with child – that is apparently some genetic biochemist type that hates vampires enough to create a terrible biological weapon for the purpose of worldwide genocide. Why? What’s her history? What’s the cause of her blindness? Where’s the father? This film isn’t interested in any real character work… and what we’re left with are flat characters that have traits that don’t add up. It really is a travesty to see talent at this level so utterly abandoned by material.

Ok – I mentioned moments of pleasure via…

THE TONGUE: The only pleasure of this film comes down to mainly the character played by Ryan Reynolds. He’s the only character that seems vaguely alive. He’s funny, has a history and a sense of place in the story. There’s charisma, timing and most importantly it seems as though Goyer gave the film to Ryan as a present. And Ryan is very good at not only accepting the material, but elevating it to being genuinely enjoyable. Other than that… it really comes down to Wesley Snipes. Wesley is a tough cookie with Blade, because he tends to not really take chances with his character – preferring the hardline stoic placement of the character. He has one point in the film where the character just strips down all the clowns he’s surrounded by, and I could sense genuine disdain for these other characters. That they really are a Saturday Morning Cartoon assembly. The problem is, it is dead on true. Everyone around him is a fucking joke, and by osmosis you could feel Blade being a bit of a joke. He has no great fight scene in the film, simply because the action is so chop-chop in terms of quick cut, that you never pull back and see the fight, which is the best way to shoot Wesley – to show off his very real physical talents. Or at least as he exhibited in the first two films.

Ultimately – the main failure of the film lays in a muddled ridiculously bad script that completely renders Blade effectively insignificant – and left every other character with little to no purpose on screen. The actors in place are good actors – but the material is well beneath all of them… as is the design, choreography and surroundings. The lack of attention to detail felt troubling as aspects from the prior films that worked were reduced here to shallow jokes and tongue in cheek humor that more often than naught fell flat, unless delivered as a Blade one-liner or by Ryan Reynolds. In the end, I was left like my beginning metaphor thinking, “People are going to pay for this shit? Fuck!”

With this film falling into self-parody - I begin to worry a tad about Marvel Films. They can't allow their characters to fall prey to the 3rd film self-parody curse of the DC franchises. I'll be furious if they go this route with either X3 or SPIDER-MAN 3. Seeing Nick Cassavetes signed to IRON MAN and Columbus (who based on his scripts of comic book characters) on SUB-MARINER both tend to do straight narrative adaptations with particular attention given to making the characters connect. None of which was exhibited in this film. God, I hope FANTASTIC FOUR works... I'm liable to have a viscious fit if it sucks as bad as this film.

Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 3, 2004, 5:29 a.m. CST

    Oh well,

    by Barney Hood

    ...more conflicted reports from this film, and a whole load of sexual imagery that I did not need at this time of the morning! Oh yes, First.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 6:04 a.m. CST

    The self-parody worries me the most.

    by Snarky

    Why do all filmmakers feel the need to start making fun of the franchise after the second film: "Superman", "Batman", "Lethal Weapon", etc. I'm so tired of Directors making fun of the material and ultimately dragging opportunity kicking and screaming into the grave. Perhaps, then, it is time for this franchise to become ash. When will these ass-holes start learning the lessons of history--right, NEVER!

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 6:12 a.m. CST

    I think maybe....

    by BLADE

    The vaps in this movie were camp so Drake would be disgusted with how the race was a mere shadow of their former selves. A point he makes claer in the film. Although I could be smoking crack and listening to my IPOD and brining to much to a film that was better then the first and not as good as the second.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 6:28 a.m. CST

    That settles it, I'm there opening day.

    by Horseflesh

    After the glowing recommendation that was Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas I've learned to read some of these reviews in the mirror.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 6:38 a.m. CST

    Based on the reviews of the last two movies and my reaction to t

    by Judge Doom

    The first was bad, the second was crap, this one look

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 7:01 a.m. CST

    Yet... the redheaded Man-Planet liked Alexander...

    by Sgt. Black

    Makes perfect sense.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 7:16 a.m. CST

    "With the first BLADE, I was conflicted

    by phanboi

    WTF? The 1st Blade is still one top notch flick ... one word: BLOODBATH! The 2nd one ... the 2nd is utter shite. Boring, repetitive ... my guess: Harold's glowing review was just a friendly turn. Since he dislikes numbah three ... it should be worth a look. I'm there opening day.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 7:36 a.m. CST

    We know Harry's fantasy now.

    by SalvatoreGravano

    C'mon, Moriarty, spend some cash and hire Harry that domina for birthday - just make sure you look under that hood before hiring her. Oh, and I did predict the film would be horrible ever since I've read how it would portray Dracula (and where his tomb would be found). I just didn't think it would be even worse than I'd expected.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 7:44 a.m. CST

    The Reapers' mouths look like vaginas?

    by I Dunno

    I never made that bizaar connection. I'm going to see pussies in every movie I see now. The Predator's face, the Sarlaac pit, the Eye of Sauron, Tom Cruise. Arrrg!

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:26 a.m. CST

    Hey I Dunno!!!

    by Big_Bubbaloola

    "I never made that bizaar connection. I'm going to see pussies in every movie I see now. The Predator's face, the Sarlaac pit, the Eye of Sauron, Tom Cruise. Arrrg!" Nice!! Never gonna lok at the Cruiser the same way again either!! Based on that review i'm gonna go see the movie anyhoo. Mainly to stock up on me Jessie Biel fantasies!! Mmmmmm yum yum!!!

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:31 a.m. CST

    God dammit Harry

    by ledbetter51

    I was eating breakfast.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:34 a.m. CST

    If my 5 year old read this review...

    by JRo

    I think I'd call the police. Harry, AICN is NOT a fucking porn site. This kind of language isn't necessary. I'm not easily offended, but I don't think I'll be reading your hack reviews any more. Oh.... and you suck.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:36 a.m. CST

    HA!

    by Anna Valerious

    I KNEW this movie was going to suck ever since I walked out of the first one. And I'm hoping it's going to change your mind about other movies....namely the chick flick known as "Van Helsing"....

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:40 a.m. CST

    David Hasselhoff!

    by cortezthekiller

    The whole hip-hopped Jessica Biel IPOD deal was tired and lame - it would have been nice if Blade had just staked her the second she began her shameless product placement. That said, I did like the idea of Ryan Reynolds listening to a bit of David Hasselhoff to get himself into that vampire-killing mood... now THAT would have been a much cooler score. Imagine Blade unleashing a series of horrific vampire ashings in slow motion to the beautiful sound of David's heartfelt ballad 'Flying on the Wings of Tenderness', or dramatically thumping out those stakes to the pulsating beat of 'Hot Shot City'. You would all pay good money for that - you know you would.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:46 a.m. CST

    Harry do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

    by AARONIUS

    C'mon man show a little bit of class. There isn't even any point to writing garbage like that. How old are you? It doesn't sound like you're old enough to be seeing rated R movies. That was a ridiculous rant and not even close to a review of the actual film. In a word PATHETIC!

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:53 a.m. CST

    This coming from the man who loved Alexander?

    by vash666

    Blade 3 may very well suck but I would bet any amount of money it's still infinitely better than Alexander in almost every possible way. Sorry Harry, you just don't have the credibility anymore and I have a hard time taking anything you write seriously. And using a puss filled vagina to drive the point home realy doesn't help.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 9 a.m. CST

    Harry loved Blade 2, and I thought it sucked.

    by rev_skarekroe

    Harry thought Blade 3 sucked, so maybe I'll love it?

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 9:07 a.m. CST

    Hey, Guess What??

    by Alimentum

    JRo, you ARE easily offended. If this bothered you, I can't imagine your reaction to Janet's wardrobe malfunction. Are you still locked in your panic room, waiting for the mean old boob to go away? Give Harry a break. At least he tried a different approach in this review. You can read ten different reveiws these days and feel like you're reading the same one over and over. Harry has to get it where he can, I mean, look at the guy. And with that, I'm gone.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 9:23 a.m. CST

    Wow, this must be bad...

    by Lost Skeleton

    ...then again, Harry hated Matrix Reloaded for not having werewolves and vampires so go figure. I hope Harry is wrong but he has been on point lately and if Harry doesn't like a geek film...it must be bad. I'm still going to see it.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 10 a.m. CST

    Play D'Oh

    by DannyOcean01

    Have you ever read any of the Nightstalkers comics? I'm pretty sure they featured a lot in the Spirits of Vengeance storylines a way back. And I'm pretty sure that Snipe's Blade looks pretty damn similar. Bringing in Hannibal King, in whatever form, cements this.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 10:03 a.m. CST

    Blade was a damn fine film

    by DannyOcean01

    There was a definate progression to the plot; a logical flow and the cinematography and action were fantastic. It's one of my fave 'entertainment' films. Blade 2 on the other hand is a complete mess. It's so isolated, as if it's a side quest in Blade's larger campaign. And the horrible puice colours- blarghhh.

  • I'm sure there are others but the Crow is the only comic book movie I can think of that had an R rating and that was an indie comic. For Marvel and Sony to lose money by making the Blade films, even the sequels 'R' rated is impressive. And I guess I'm the only one who thought Blade 2 wasn't that bad. Does anyone have a link to that infamous review, BTW? It's harder to find than Harry's original orgasmic Godzilla '98 review. All the "MAN IN SUIT" chanting won't make us forget that one, Harry.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 10:31 a.m. CST

    Sean Penn for Iron Man.

    by Christopher3

    Cassevetes is directing? Cool news.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Wrong Alimentum...

    by JRo

    Look, I could care less if Janet Jackson wants to boost her fame again by flashing a boob. It wasn't MEANT to offend. Harry's language here is desperately and deliberately going for the most offensive "EWWW!!!" response possible. It's not necessary. All I want to hear from Harry is "The movie is good" or "The movie sucks". If I wanted to look at something THAT offensive, I'd go watch a GG Allen video. This is not the place for crap like this. KIDS come to this site for Christ's sake.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 10:48 a.m. CST

    meh

    by blue7

    Harry didn't like Blade, loved Blade II. I think both of them are great, as far as blood-soaked actioners go. Stupid? Yeah. That said, though, Harry fantasizing about some dominatrix with pus-y gums gnawing on his gherkin as parallel to a vampire movie lacking in character development is kinda silly. I bet this movie is not much worse than either of the first two. Yeah, I know, ringing endorsement, but what the fuck.

  • If you think a poorly written and admitingly nausiating movie review is the worst thing the dear innocent children are seeing on the internet, well, ok. Anyway, I'm getting annoyed with this Reynolds cat. It seems that if Jason Lee worked out more he could easily replace him.

  • Blade 1 came out of left field. No one cared about it, it had little advertising and blew me away when I saw it (3 times) in the theater. I saw Blade 2 and felt like it tried too hard (common sequel mistake). Introducing 8 new characters, just to kill them off is a standard cop-out for action films. I would have preferred just to watch Blade and Whistler going it alone again in Blade 2. You want a great R rated supehero flick this weekend? Buy the Director's Cut of Daredevil. It's a 100% improvement over the theatrical release. The "making of" material is great. They interview the editor who stands by the theatrical cut and then interview the director, who admits to truly disliking the theatrical cut. It's great stuff that shows how YOU, the audience, is considered too dumb by Hollywood to handle actual storylines and character development. The director almost apologizes for the choppy theatrical cut! Anyway, I am watching the Director's Cut now for the second time and it's about the best comic book adaptation I've seen.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 11:35 a.m. CST

    "...falling into self-parody..."

    by Atticus Finch

    Kind of like this site, huh?

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 11:47 a.m. CST

    Dang it! -- Fiddlesticks! -- Golly gee willikers! -- Anoth

    by JDanielP

    I'm available to direct "Blade 4". That is, ... if a studio is willing to put up the money after this one bombs.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 11:52 a.m. CST

    And by the way ... I'd personally like to see Tom Selleck as "IR

    by JDanielP

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 11:58 a.m. CST

    Yes...but did you like it?

    by Huevo

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 12:12 p.m. CST

    "If I have to use a sexual metaphor to compare BLADE: TRINITY to

    by Immortal_Fish

    No, Harry, you DIDN'T have to. But clearly you wouldn't have it any other way.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Only reason I bought the new 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' was for B

    by Monkey_King

    the rest of the film sucks. Hooper's film(s) will always be "the only" Texas Chainsaw Massacre films to this old monkey. Hell, that ED GEIN film had much potential, but they had to go and make up shit about Gein and churn out a turd of a film(speaking from someone who knows Gein's story very very well). Where's my movie deal Rob Zombie? We need to talk.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 12:34 p.m. CST

    Hey Monkey King....

    by Doom II

    One of the most accurate Ed Gein movies to date is 1974's "Deranged". VERY close to the actual story of Gein and also very disturbing even by today's standards.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Blade II is one of the worst movies ever made

    by vikingkitty

    If Blade III doesn't best it in every arena, I'll be shocked.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 1:04 p.m. CST

    Here we go again with Harry sticking up for his unfunny buddy Pa

    by Grabthars_Hammer

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 1:07 p.m. CST

    Elizabeth Banks as Pepper Potts!

    by mortsleam

    Hell, Elizabeth Banks as every hot Marvel chick. FYI, she was the insanely hot Betty Brant in Spider-Man, as well as Lindsay in Wet Hot American Summer. "What's that?" "What?" "You got barbecue suace all over your face." "So? Wanna make out?" "You taste like a burger. I don't like you anymore."

  • Does this strike anyone else as funny? I'm reading harry's horrified review of blade 3, and all around the review are ads for blade 3!! funny stuff

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 1:48 p.m. CST

    RE:JDanielP

    by Yossarian

    Damn skippy. I like it.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 2:07 p.m. CST

    SEXUAL METAPHORS AND THE FAT GEEKS WHO USE THEM

    by bigharryballsac

    let me put it this way: its as if you hired a beutiful woman to come to your home to tie you up and pleasure you, and then, once you were helplessly chained and gagged, she pulls off her mask to reveal that she is in fact HARRY KNOWLES, who then proceeds to wack off until he sprays his creamy jizz into your eye balls... THAT IS WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO WATCH EPISODE I.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 2:13 p.m. CST

    That was a good rant, Harry!

    by Lord_Soth

    I didn't like Blade, thought Blade II was OK, but the third one is looking utter shite! So I'm with you now. Well, except for your pervert fantasy. :))

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Batman Begins

    by kintar0

    Remember that Goyer wrote the screenplay for Batman Begins. You know, where Joe Chill is arrested and jailed right after he kills the Waynes? Or where Bruce Wayne spends time as a criminal and commits crimes in Bhutan to better understand criminals? Or where he needs a "Q" character, Lucius Fox, to build/provide his tools and car? Or where we're supposed to believe Ken Watanabe is Ra's al Ghul, but doesn't look like Ra's al Ghul, and that Liam Neeson isn't Ra's al Ghul, but looks like Ra's al Ghul? Or where the Waynes take Bruce to see some fucking opera about bats the night of their murder instead of Mark of Zorro? Or where Scarecrow isn't Scarecrow and his fear gas is made of cocaine and lotus flower? Or where Arkham Asylum is located in "section of Gotham that even the cops won't go" even though, um, Arkham is for insane criminals? I guess they push em out of a helicopter. Goyer created the film version of Blade. Look at how radically different movie Blade is from comic book Blade. Now imagine how different Batman Begins' Batman will be from comic book Batman. What does that spell? Another fucking awful Batman movie. Goyer even wants to direct the sequel to Batman Begins. Fuck.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Uh oh...

    by Blue_Demon

    Fading, old main actor, stupid one-liners, pulsing soundtrack, deaf martial artist ( see pulsing soundrack ), cute young actors barely out of their teens...Gearing up for the WB series are we MARVEL? Guess I'll give Pixar another $7.50 this weekend. Oh...Timothy Dalton for Iron Man and Mark Dacascos for Namor. Just do it goddammit!

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Psst...the_ram...

    by Blue_Demon

    "Batman Begins" "Batman Continues" "Batman Ends" Ultimate trilogy. :)

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Wow...

    by Right Bastard

    There were some pretty good points made in the absolute WORST movie review I've ever read. If people actually listen to this hack, I should start my own web site. Why can't there be a Moriarty review page, so we can skip the Harry blowjob references?

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Yikes

    by Dragonfire

    I get the impression from that review that Blade 3 might not be very good.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Chiming in a little late

    by shutterghost

    I am very relieved for someone to say what Harry has said about the police station scene and the music. I thought I was alone. The entire movie had little insane instances like that that made me fear what he, Goyer may have done to the Batman script.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 3:23 p.m. CST

    Yuck

    by hatchling

    I've always suspected that people who rely on revolting and nasty sexual imagery are giving us a look inside at their own intimacy deprived dark sexual imaginings and fears...Harry, you poor prick. I almost feel sorry for you. But then I remembered that you praised Alexander. Nah, you're not sick, you're just tasteless.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 3:30 p.m. CST

    patton oswalt is funny

    by MiltonWaddams

    did you see his standup? or listen to his cd? no, probably just based it off of that stupid ass show where he has a tiny role as the wacky brother. well done.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 3:33 p.m. CST

    It's called a metaphor

    by shutterghost

    You are not meant to actually imagine everything he said, you are just suppposed to feel as he did. It's called meataphors and exagerrated imagery. If you really went to that sexual place in your mind then I think you are the sick prick.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Harry is a fat fucking idiot

    by StarUnlit

    whose ignorance of film is getting tiresome.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 4:19 p.m. CST

    If he thinks Blade 2 was better than Blade

    by iamnicksaicnsn

    then he's obviously insane, and just wants Del Toro way too much. Blade 2 sucked the ass out of it's own rectum, swallowed and digested that, and then shat that digested shit all over the audience. So hopefully 3 will be alright, because if it isn't, then God help us with Batman Begins, especially if that one guy's synopsis is right.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 4:49 p.m. CST

    Daywalker

    by Darth Thoth

    Blade I & II were great guilty pleasures. This review does confirm my worse fears about this movie. Still, I'll be there opening day. Also, I totally feel Snipes playing Blade as hard and inhuman. I mean come on, he is. Blade is not a nice guy. He is in essence a cold blooded killer. I can understand trying to make him more human for a movie's sake but I commend Snipes for staying true to Blade's character. He's a hard edged take no nonsense vampire killing dude.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 4:52 p.m. CST

    BTW

    by Darth Thoth

    That review was freakin' hilarious. AICN is definitely an adult site, not for the kids. But I'm an adult and I thought the review was drop dead funny. I'm at work right now laughing my butt off! House of Flying Daggers tonight baby!

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 4:56 p.m. CST

    Blade/Spider Man

    by MiserableRainGod

    A few weeks ago I was flipping around the TV and came across an episode of the early 90s Spder Man show that had Blade and Spidey going after Michael Mobius. That sucked.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 5:13 p.m. CST

    Was Harry drunk when he "wrote" this?

    by SG7

    Or maybe not invited to the set and plied with hookers and donuts?

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 5:29 p.m. CST

    "I KNEW this movie was going to suck ever since I walked out of

    by Voice O. Reason

    I can relate. I often walk out of movies thinking about how bad a third installment that won't even come out for another six years will be.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 5:34 p.m. CST

    SHUT UP

    by salamimansam

    YOU HARRY! SHUT UP! ALSO, TAKE A FUCKING WRITING CLASS! You write like some stoned-out, semi-literate dipshit. I mean, can you focus? Are you capable of writing a linear, thoughtful review? Everything you write reads like a mental clusterfuck. Finally: Why, oh why, does ANYONE give a rip what Harry thinks? So he thought the movie rendered Blade inconsequential. SFW! Blade has always been a third-tier hero anyhow....it is not that difficult to out-shine him. I have seen the movie TWICE (once while in production and the final product) and found it to be just fine. Not mind-blowing, but fine. Certainly better than the first film, way better than 90% of the action films released this or last year, and a whole hell of a lot more clever and funny. Harry is like a four-year-old that gets pumped up about shit based on his own limited imagination and goofy ideas about what a movie should be. The degree to which a film doesn't meet his expectations is the degree to which it sucks. Can't wait to get a chance to totally trash Harry's film when it is released.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 6:33 p.m. CST

    "listens to an i-pod while fighting"

    by 007-11

    That's the kind of product placement you get when the writer is also the director.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 8:49 p.m. CST

    I kind of liked it

    by Krigan

    it was the funniest of the three but it also had the worst action of the three. I felt it was worth my time especially since it was free. This is the worst of the three with blade 2 being the best IMO. I do think it is worth seeing if you liked the first blade and do not mind all the comedy. Ryan Reynolds (Hannibal King) has a zinger every time he opens his mouth and most are funny. There is also a lot of cheese in this one.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 9:09 p.m. CST

    Ruh-Ro JRo

    by Alimentum

    Listen, JRo, Christen kids come to this site, so if you could hold off using the word, "Christ" in vain, that'd be great. Damn dude, Harry-as-Blade is up in the corner getting his head chopped off and you're worried about a metaphor? If you're that protective of your kids, the internet may not be the best playground for them.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 10:20 p.m. CST

    I have to do it...it's just THERE

    by devil0509

    "The actors in place are good actors

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 10:39 p.m. CST

    "pus-y"?

    by Virchow

    The adjective meaning, "of or related to pus," is PURULENT.

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 1:18 a.m. CST

    Ryan Reynolds looks like he was channeling Rambo

    by Purple Rain

    My jaw dropped when I saw the trailer. The same guy from "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place" is doing action flicks. What's next - The cast of "Reno 911!" doing "Hamlet."

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 2:10 a.m. CST

    how amusing that the one Blade film chubby liked is the one his

    by jules windex

    Harry, just go back to playing Hurley on Lost and leave the reviews to Moriarty

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 2:23 a.m. CST

    I felt like that about blade 2 - I thought it was awful

    by scrumdiddly

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Dare I say it....

    by Brundlefly

    FIRST!...well at least till some other motherfucker posts and i get pushed down the page....

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 9:12 a.m. CST

    Man im going to love this movie

    by BlueNowhere

    Harry man. you had a good idea at the beginning doing this website but your reviews and taste in movies has got me laughing. Every movie you slate in the last 2 years i have loved and this will be no exception. Mori is god and a much better critic than you are. Less of the juvenile sex talk just get down to the film review. It s getting annoying how childish this site is getting

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 11:03 a.m. CST

    but...

    by DukeDeMondo

    But how does it compare to blowjobs or maybe some rimming? Thats what i wanna know. www.mondoirlando.com

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 12:51 p.m. CST

    what really shocks me...

    by devil0509

    Is the gratuitous ass-kissing Moriarty is receiving in this talkback. Granted, Moriarty's reviews are much, much better than Harry's. They actually are written legibly, and the points made reveal some intelligent thought. Unfortunately, Moriarty's reviews are also incredibly self-important and pretentious. Worse, Moriarty's reviews, like Harry's, are frequently based more on a personal agenda than any objective view of the movie. When that happens, it makes the review, and reviewer, useless.

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 1:56 p.m. CST

    blade 4

    by DukeDeMondo

    I bet the next ones all about the characters pretending they never liked the music in the first three. "man, that shit was so dated even THEN. i never for a SECOND liked it, although i maybe pretended i did on account of you were a vampire and might eat my face off." www.mondoirlando.com

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 10:52 p.m. CST

    And Now for Kdoc's Rant... First target Patton F-ing Oswalt!

    by kdoc13

    Ok, let's start with the obvious. This site is going to hell in a handbasket. Soon it will be back to Corona's Coming Attractions for me. Harry is a H-wood player now. Of course he is going to be biased on stuff. But look at how up in Del Torro's ass he was when this was filming. He built up a shitload of hype. And when it failed to live up to it, he felt bad. Awww, poor little fat boy. I am sure there is a Star Wars flick you can rag on. Speaking of picking on people. Patton F-ing Oswalt. He only gets good reviews because he posts on this site. Oh yeah, it is a total suck up job. He sucks on TV, and is a lame standup. He is as funny as a Bee Gee's funeral. Yeah, there is still a few fun moments, but there is nothing entertaining about it. Harry and I have issues. He loved Finding Nemo. I sent a review at least a month in advance which critized it. Never got posted. I hated the usual kill off a parent, introduce a stupid sidekick, and send them off on a lame mission. Ohh, Harry loved it. Nothing original about it, I bashed it, never got posted. I love the scoops. That's why I am here. But lets face it, you are getting movie reviews from a guy trying to get his own crap made in Hollywood. He is f-ing biased. If you expect ethics, boy did you come to the wrong place. I know what I expect from Blade Trinity. If it sucks, it is still going to kick more ass than many of the lame-ass action movies that have come out this year (See Punisher, Walking Tall)

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 11:11 p.m. CST

    Blade 2 was to Blade what Aliens was to Alien

    by TheGinger Twit

    I knew blade 3 wouldn't hold up - especially with the writer now directing. Makes me worry about batman begins

  • Dec. 4, 2004, 11:38 p.m. CST

    Remember "Rules of Attraction"?

    by BigTuna

    Made by harry's buddy. He almost tried to brain wash people on how it was a masterpiece. It was shit. Fuck him and his friends.

  • Dec. 5, 2004, 3:09 a.m. CST

    "Blade 2 was to Blade what Aliens was to Alien"

    by Anlashok

    There are sooo many things wrong with that statement.

  • Dec. 5, 2004, 10:22 a.m. CST

    CAN'T be worse than Blade 2

    by Vizzini

    Blade 2 would have had a bad plot and characters for a videogame. It was an entirely stupid film for stupid people, made not attempt to make sense. Blade 1 was original, stylish, and cool.

  • Dec. 5, 2004, 11:45 a.m. CST

    iPods? do they show her using iTunes as well?

    by General Idea

    Maybe using the upcoming iPods with video where she can watch a quicktime video of Blade 2? Fucking stupid product placement crap in the middle of a vampire flick.... grumble... bitch... grumble...

  • Dec. 5, 2004, 1:40 p.m. CST

    rules of attraction...

    by DukeDeMondo

    rules of attraction WAS a masterpiece. www.mondoirlando.com

  • Dec. 5, 2004, 9:15 p.m. CST

    All right! Harry hates Blade III. That means it must be the be

    by MyNameDoesn'tFit

    Go watch Alexander again, Harry.

  • Dec. 5, 2004, 9:28 p.m. CST

    Still worth a look

    by el zar

    What I said

  • Dec. 5, 2004, 10:59 p.m. CST

    God dammit...

    by Lion Fire

    There are too many movies nowadays that have HORRIBLE writers and even worse action scenes. With the "close in so you can't make shit out" shots. I can stand it. You can't really tell what's going on exactly. I agree with Harry.. Pull the fucking camera back and show the fight/action like it's supposed to be. I KNEW when they put Jessica in this movie the character development was going to be shit. They put her in for the T and A factor, which is all she is useful for. That really pisses me off when they don't show the background of the characters and refuse to let you connect with them at all. With all that being said, I'm still going to go see it. Because besides the Incredibles. This is the only movie worth going to see and that's saying something about the shit that's in the theatres right now. But also because I liked Blade I & II. I thought Frost was a great character in the first blade. But yeah Blade II really lacked character development as well. They just introduced you to the blood pack and really didn't give you any insight into each of them. Oh well..

  • Dec. 6, 2004, 12:46 a.m. CST

    Christen kids come to this site, so if you could hold off using

    by Lion Fire

    HOLY SHIT YOU FUCKING JESUS FREAK. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

  • Dec. 6, 2004, 1:30 a.m. CST

    Oh and..

    by Lion Fire

    For someone who hates the movie you sure are giving them enough banner ad space you douche.

  • Dec. 6, 2004, 2:24 a.m. CST

    "Blade and Whistler were cool, but no other character in the fil

    by Man w No Name

    "Blade and Whistler were cool, but no other character in the film was. The result was a very uneven film." WTF...seriously Harry....did you even watch the movie? Deacon Frost *stephen dorff* kicked major ass and was a an awesome character....much much better than the euro trash baddy in the second one *Nomac* Deacon had attitude and witty dialogue, and up and coming outsider who was trying to shake up the vampire community for a revolution...Deacon Frost made Blade

  • Dec. 6, 2004, 7:57 a.m. CST

    Reading this review was like having great sex with someone you r

    by BarrelRider

    ...no, wait, I have no idea what that's like. All of my best sexual encounters have been paid for.

  • Dec. 6, 2004, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Alimentum, you're missing my point...

    by JRo

    If this is an adult review site, then great. I can wire up Net Nanny or whatever to block the site so the kids can't see Harry's latest vomit toss. He's got to pick a genre for this damn site. He shouldn't be reviewing Polar Express and other kid movies if he wants to talk about skin-ripping blowjobs.

  • Dec. 6, 2004, 2:11 p.m. CST

    That settles it

    by LordZanthos

    I'm never reading harry's reviews again. My god! And I am goign to see the moive... if nothing else, to spite harry for writing (and I use the term loosley), this so-called review. Disgusting

  • Dec. 6, 2004, 4:35 p.m. CST

    Jeez Harry, what are you fucking 12 yrs old?

    by DoctorWho?

    Could you possibly write a review that DOES NOT draw parallels to relieving your bowels or your little sexual fantasies?? Get a girl friend and grow the hell up.

  • Dec. 7, 2004, 2:47 p.m. CST

    Like or Hate the film, this review BLOWS.

    by Bash_Branigan

    That has to be the worst piece of shite review I've ever seen. My god, let's stretch for a metaphor here that wasn't worth attempting. I enjoy your site. I enjoy finding out news. I enjoy hearing opinions... Well-Written opinions!

  • Dec. 7, 2004, 7:28 p.m. CST

    Hmn, I had a feeling this was gonna blow, badly...

    by Anlashok

    But not nearly as bad Power-man will. "Think Fifty Cent with super-powers." Someone please put a bullet in John Singleton before he reaks unspeakable harm upon the few Minority characters left in the Marvel Universe.

  • Dec. 8, 2004, 6 a.m. CST

    SAW BLADE TRINITY @ THE DOME, AND IT SUCKS (BAD) BLOOD!

    by nsomnia

    In a few words, and out of sequence: A Pommeranian Vampire dog, Ryan Reynolds IS Van Wilder and forgot he moved to the BLADE set, Jessica Biel IS the commercial relief (IPOD,help me listen to the Vampires crawling behind me, oh no, with the music so loud, I can't!) and can throw arrows at over 300MPH (because it really matters) a blind girl in charge of computers, a little girl A LA ALIENS, ,the Ultimate Vampire looks like a Chechen out of a Russian Halloween Rave,the editing, photography and light look like the budgets have been cut 10 mn into the movie, the dialogues are cliches of cliches and still lame, and I am so damned pissed off that they screwed the only correct adaptation of a Marvel franchise! I'm popping Blade 2 into the Player and will try hard to forget this one...out.

  • Dec. 8, 2004, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Thank you nsomnia...

    by JRo

    Your review is oodles better than Harry's! Why don't you start a movie review site? Apparently, there's nothing to it...

  • Dec. 8, 2004, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Just saw it. Not good, but still more interesting than Blade II.

    by Mr. Waturi

    The worst part about this movie was the editing and speed-ups. There was a cut literally ever two seconds. This was a shame because there were some sharper dialogue in this film and more interesting lighting and angles. Del Torro's movies always feel forced, like he's a dork that's trying to act cool. There's no edge. They're pretty and flat. This movie at least had some balls. The Ipod stuff was horrible, the music obnoxious, and Parker Posey was horrendous, but still this movie felt more alive than the last one. Harry is a fucking nerd.

  • Dec. 8, 2004, 7:56 p.m. CST

    For once, Harry is spot on in this review - IT SUCKED.

    by Retrace

    I rolled my eyes everytime Biel was on screen. What the hell was the director and writer thinking? "Oh man - I bet we'll get a bunch of 14 year old boys excited if we get her fighting and playing loud music". What total out of touch dumbasses. I hope this movie flops - but I hope they realize it wasn't Snipes' fault. Blade 2 rocked....it was darker, better acted and had that feel of Predator - just a bunch of big bad asses kickin it.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 1:45 a.m. CST

    Just saw it the film, take a sec to read this

    by Knightsong

    Harry's reviews of films tend to be one thing, personal. He wasn't a fan of the first film, and he obviously didn't like this film. But, he loved the one by his chummy chum chum Del Toro. He criticizes the action and the score, and in my opinion, they weren't far from the way the first one was done. The characters are as bout as deep as you could hope for in this movie. Hannibal is fairly well developed, Whistler's daughter is only so-so. Drake, the main baddy is better than I thought he'd be. Which was about as good as Del Toro did with two honestly, The main Vampire chick was well developed, the rest of the vampires were bit parts at best. As for the hybrid, while he was an impressive effect I had trouble understanding his motivations. Is he a bad guy? Is he not a bad guy? As for the rest of the players in that film Blade and the main Vampire chick are the only ones who stand out. This film isn't much different. I do agree the Vampire contacts and teeth looked bad, but at least as characters I could get a laugh out of them rather than sitting there the whole movie hatting every moment they were on screen. Was this the best Blade? In my opinion, no. I pretty much like the film series in order: 1 is the best, 2 is almost as good as 1, and 3 is almost as good as 2. Make up you own mind about this, and any film you see. I hope no one here has ever not seen a movie because of Harry's reviews.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 2:21 a.m. CST

    Blade Walker

    by Darth Thoth

    Great blurb nsomnia. Hilarious! I must admit I walked into Blade III thinking it was going to be dreadful. I am a big fan of I & II and I was worried about the direction they were taking on III. I was pleasantly surprised. While the movie was far from wack I went in thinking it was going to be dreadful. Low expectations can help a bad movie big time. But still, most importantly I feel the movie lacked "something." Maybe a soul. Maybe I don't know. I just felt no emotion or anything. All in all- watchable, but a let down. I felt it really betrayed the previous two films in terms of the world and tone they set for the Blade universe. You want a third film to be a climax, not a letdown. Marvel and the "comic craze" owes a lot to the Blade franchise. Blade Trinity is disappointing b/c the series deserved better than this. Goyer is the man but the movie didn't cut it. Still, Reynolds and Snipes got in some very funny lines. Definitely the funniest of all 3 movies.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 2:22 a.m. CST

    Blade Brotha!

    by Darth Thoth

    Great blurb nsomnia. Hilarious! I must admit I walked into Blade III thinking it was going to be dreadful. I am a big fan of I & II and I was worried about the direction they were taking on III. I was pleasantly surprised. While the movie was far from wack I went in thinking it was going to be dreadful. Low expectations can help a bad movie big time. But still, most importantly I feel the movie lacked "something." Maybe a soul. Maybe I don't know. I just felt no emotion or anything. All in all- watchable, but a let down. I felt it really betrayed the previous two films in terms of the world and tone they set for the Blade universe. You want a third film to be a climax, not a letdown. Marvel and the "comic craze" owes a lot to the Blade franchise. Blade Trinity is disappointing b/c the series deserved better than this. Goyer is the man but the movie didn't cut it. Still, Reynolds and Snipes got in some very funny lines. Definitely the funniest of all 3 movies.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 3:02 a.m. CST

    Udo Kier

    by Vern

    I'm sure somebody else pointed this out above and I just missed it. But still I gotta scold my friend Harry for this bullshit about Udo Kier shoulda played Dracula. As all fans of BLADE know - or at least people who have seen the movie BLADE - Udo Kier was already in BLADE. He played a vampire leader who Deacon Frost and his friends took out on a beach to fry in the sunlight. It was actually a very memorable scene topping off the best of the many '90s Udo Kier vampire roles. So if he showed up again as Dracula it woulda been cool for Harry and other people who have not seen the classic movie BLADE, but for the rest of us it would be confusing. And in my opinion, BLADE 3 is mainly designed for people who have seen the other Blade movies. I agree with Harry that most of these things he's pointing out are weaknesses, and that this ain't on par with BLADE and BLADE 2. But then, what is? Nothing. It's still a fun movie, Wesley Snipes is great as Blade and there are lots of laughs and badass moments. I'd rather be saying "lightning has struck in the same place 3 times" but that's not the case. Only twice, but there was a small fire afterwards. Still, best trilogy since lord of the rings.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 6:53 a.m. CST

    This is the weakest film in the trilogy.

    by Psyclops

    The film is muddled and unfocused, definitely the work of an amatuer director. David Goyer may be a decent writer but he doesn't have a strong visual style and the lack of such an element is really noticeable in this lame third entry. The villains are laughable, the action is muddled, the cinematography is murky and the emphasis on humor really makes this the only BLADE movie that doesn't feel like it fits into the same universe as the previous films. It's too bad since I really enjoyed the first two movies and was hoping that Goyer would end this franchise with a bang. Instead it's a dud.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 10:24 a.m. CST

    I'm in agreement with Harry on the entire Blade saga...

    by UnChienAndalou

    The first is painfully mediocre, the second is badass incarnate, and the third is a fiasco. Note to New Line: stop trying to pimp this thing as the last in the series! You left the door wide open for a sequel and if this thing set the world on fire - which it won't - you'd fast-track a fourth installment before Christmas.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 11:09 a.m. CST

    DEAD RAPED DEAR!!!

    by StudioPlant69

    Harry, you have really got a hard on for Del Toro. I liked Blade II, even the horrible cgi. I liked Nomak, he was a tragic character. But Blade kicked major ass, that opening fight still has not been equaled. Donal Logue has all the funny lines, Whistler smoking while pupping gas...love it. Blade Trinity was definately as good a II, Ryan R. stole the movie from everyone... Harry, call G.DelToro and just go and blow him and maybe he'll direct something you can produce. Oh and Conran as director on Princess of... big mistake, it will bomb. GFY

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 2:10 p.m. CST

    I'm one of the biggest fans fo Blade

    by Purgatori

    and I HATED this movie. I read the crappy reviews and I thought, why are they ragging on the things that are good about the movies? Blade broods, there are fights, so what gives? I'll tell you my friends. Goyer is an awesome writer, but since he is obviously a first time director (even if you didn't know beforehand, you could tell after watchingt this flop of dog poo) he STOLE FROM EVERYTHING HE COULD GET HIS HANDS ON. He stole a ton of shit from Underworld. The vampire looks in this film are far more Underworld than the first Blade. Aren't the vampires supposed to be blending in with the humans? Does anyone else remember this from the first movie and even the second? Jesus...if I saw that freako bitch Parker Posey coming down the street I'd be pretty concerned. They were too fangy...I mean it...they were. And then there were the numerous slow mo walking shots. This was OVERKILL! I felt like I was watching Battlefield Earth again, only they were walking not running. This was another try at Underworld..since they had some high totals for walking shot too. The fight scenes were sped up and not nearly as cool as the first 2. They seemed...bland. Oh and then the Dracula thing. CHRIST! What was up with Dracula? First of all, he's got the same mouth thing that was going on with Lomack in Blade 2...so he's stealing from his own movies. Then they have the dogs going around with it too (the dogs were beyond gay...I was hoping we wouldn't have a Resident Evil shit fest on our hands). So then he's going around with a baby?? Why not eat the baby, your fucking Dracula!! Why run through walls like a punk when your supposed to be this big bad ass? And then that whole unneccesary thing at the vampire store (vampire dildos?? Have some fucking pride!) and more stupid slow mo walking. What the hell ever... Then we come to our two leading ladies. Parker Posey is a hack. She's shit in this and had no business being in it. But that's par for this movie. Shit. She simpers and struts and can't talk with the teeth she's wearing and looks like a crack whore. Then there's Jessica Biel. I had high hopes for this after seeing the part with UV Arc. But then they had ruin that with it being some weird CG thing that pops out. But I digress...She's useless...she's the younger Denise Richards. And the whole bullshit with the IPOD. OH MY GOD!! I wanted to kill her. I expected Steve Fucking Jobs to jump out of nowhere stake a vampire and say "Buy my stuff!" and then run back into a corner. This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. For one thing...did she hot glue the ear buds to her ears? Because believe me, they would have flung out at some point during the fighting. But that's putting too much thought into this, which apparently no one else bothered to do...like say the writers, producers, director. And the damn bow and arrow crap with her working up her strength and power while rocking out to her IPOD once again. (vomit vomit vomit) "Use it! Use it!" Yeah I'll use it, to shove up your ass. The music overwhelmed everything. It was used far too much and was way too pushy. It was yet another music video wannabe. Although I have seen music videos with more thought and talent brought to them than this thing. The only light in this was Van Reynolds. He brought some fun to it. You could tell he was enjoying what he was given. But even he was written too damn cornball and being overly funny. There was no balance found. Given a better script Hannabal King would be a great franchise. If Joss Whedon maybe directed it. Buffy had the right mix of humor and horror. If that was what they wanted to go for, they should have stolen from that. It would have at least been decent. Snipes did what he could with what he had. He only spoke like 10 lines of dialog or something. No wonder he was bitter on the set or whatever. I would be too. He was given more in the first movie and the second one. Blade might as well not even have been in this film. Blade 1 was the best. It was dark and it was well acted. It was how Blade should be. Blade 2 was also good. It was a different style, and it lacked some of the grit of the first. It was still a good movie. But 3 is the AvP of the franchise. Me comparing a film to AvP is not a good thing...trust me.

  • Dec. 9, 2004, 10:04 p.m. CST

    Purgatori

    by Darth Thoth

    Great friggin' review man. You had me in tears laughing. Blade III was an insult.

  • Dec. 10, 2004, 8:59 a.m. CST

    Blade Trinity = bullshit

    by The Gr8 one

    This movie was pure shit! Did anyone notice that at some point everyone in this film was either thrown, punched and or kicked through glass? Check it out, it true.

  • Dec. 11, 2004, 10:51 a.m. CST

    'Blade: Trinity' was the best car commercial I've ever seen.

    by Ribbons

    "But wait man...the Robert McKee-style religious icnography that amounts to diddly-squat.....Blade's way of life becomes like a religion sort of...." Yeah, that's great, the movie still sucked. Don't see it.

  • Dec. 11, 2004, 7:40 p.m. CST

    It was OK

    by vash666

    Not the greatest Blade film by any means but a serviceable third entry. The story is all over the place and some of the acting is a bit weak but overall I enjoyed it more than most of the dog shit Harry and this site has been endorsing lately. It was better than Alexander, better than Sky Captain and the Tedium of Geek Directors, better than The Grudge, better than SAW, etc. I guess what would be nice is to read a review where Harry actually addresses the problems of a film intellectually while at the same time appreciating the attributes, even if they are limited. Blade III isn

  • Dec. 26, 2004, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Parker Posey - Trilogy Killer!!!!

    by donkeymagick

    First Scream 3 was the shittest trilogy-closer I've seen in recent memory, now this!!! Keep her away from all future 3rd installments of cool franchises! Please!!!

  • Dec. 29, 2004, 4:42 p.m. CST

    Drake...

    by REDD

    The "actor" that played Drake was terrible. Did they find this guy on a International Male photo shoot?

  • Jan. 3, 2005, 6:49 p.m. CST

    Triple H on Stern

    by Rupee88

    He was telling Howard that Wesley Snipes constantly fought with the director and told him he didn't know what the f*ck he was doing...guess Wes was right.

  • Jan. 3, 2005, 7:29 p.m. CST

    Why do all Harry's sexual metaphors...

    by Damer1

    sound like they are coming from a 12 year old that's seen a couple of hard core porn movies.

  • Feb. 12, 2005, 9:20 a.m. CST

    Last?

    by Quintus_Arrius

    Hail Arrius!

  • April 26, 2005, 8:50 a.m. CST

    blade trinity

    by sgt74kbd

    from the opening music and credits you knew it wasn't the same as the first 2 movies. It was bad!!! Why would you want to make anoter one after straying from the first 2 movies?

  • April 26, 2005, 8:52 a.m. CST

    blade trinity

    by sgt74kbd

    From the opening music and credits you knew it wasn't the same as the first 2 movies. It was bad!!! Why would you want to make another one after straying from the first 2 movies?

  • Sept. 19, 2005, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Blade 1 still best by a long way

    by Panthro

    How anyone can call this or Blade 2 the best is beyond me. Blade 1 was amazing with fantastic action, and a fresh and original take on modern vampires. Blade 2 returned to the standard dull gothic indulgence of other vamp interpretations with a cloak wearing long fingernailed villain who lives in a dungeon. Plus the blood pack were laughable, and Blade's whole creed of living to kill vampires lost credibility after the pathetic romance plot with the vampire princess. Blade 3 is too MTV for my liking, and basically since Marvel has got heavily involved in the franchise all that was good in the first film has dissappeared under predictable superhero nonsense.

  • May 16, 2007, 8:15 a.m. CST

    Indeed, I am last!

    by Quintus_Arrius

    again?