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MAN IN SUIT! MAN IN SUIT! MAN IN SUIT! Moriarty Attends The World Premiere Of GODZILLA FINAL WARS In Hollywood!!

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

Holy cow! It’s a giant monster movie! No, wait... it’s an alien invasion movie! No, it’s actually a martial-arts movie! Wait... it might actually be all three!

I’ve been chatting with the fine folks over at Toho recently and also with the charming Vanessa Shimura, assistant extraordinaire to cult favorite filmmaker Ryuhei Kitamura. As a result, they offered my wife and I a chance to attend the world premiere of GODZILLA: FINAL WARS at the Chinese Theater in Hollywood earlier tonight. I have to admit... as refined as I like to pretend my taste in film is, there is a part of me that will never outgrow the simple Saturday afternoon double feature pleasure of watching men in monster suits kick the ever-lovin’ shit out of one another. I remember those seemingly endless days when I was seven or eight years old, my friends and I crowded into the living room, going completely mental over every fight sequence and immediately setting up cities made of pillows or cardboard boxes so we could recreate the mayhem ourselves. Just recently, when Playstation released that WAR OF THE MONSTERS game, I went through a phase where any friend who came into the house was challenged to a kaiju rampage, and it never failed... it was always insanely fun. There’s just something pure about the pleasure derived from this particular sub-genre of movie for me.

So it is with great pleasure that I am able to say that Kitamura’s film may well be the single most kinetic, over-the-top, and delightfully unhinged entry in the 28 film series, a worthy way to not only celebrate 50 years of pop culture triumph, but also a fitting final chapter to this particular era of these films. Which isn’t to say that this is a radical reinvention of the formula that has kept the series popular over time, keep in mind. Far from it. This is very much an old-school GODZILLA film. Fans of the series are in for all sorts of in-jokes and guest appearances and knowing winks from the filmmakers, and that’s a big part of what makes it so damn much fun.

The opening of the film throws a lot of information at you right away. First we see a scene in which Godzilla faces down a ship at the South Pole, and they appear to win a decisive victory over him, burying him in a ton of ice. Then we’re hit with this crazy beautiful opening title sequence designed by Kyle Cooper (the mad genius behind SE7EN) that traces the whole history of the series. And then we’re told about the creation of the Earth Defense Forces to handle the ever-increasing monster problem around the globe as well as the rise of mutants, human beings with advanced fighting skills who are part of the special M-Organization, part of the EDF. Oh, but wait... before you say, “Heyyyy... mutants? That sounds familiar,” you should know that Kitamura isn’t borrowing from one film or from two films. He seems to have taken the average DVD shelf of any self-respecting SF/action/comic nerd and dumped the entire thing into a melting pot, then injected it directly into his brain stem before making this movie. This is a virtual “Where’s Waldo” of Hollywood blockbuster references, and the effect isn’t a bad thing at all. Instead, it just becomes overwhelmingly funny. You get this smile on your face first at the audacity of it. Then you start to look forward to the next one. And by the time the film reaches the start of the third act, it’s so completely drunk on itself that only the most cynical viewers... only those bitter grinches who have killed their inner child completely... are going to be able to remain unmoved. Kitamura wants to entertain you. He does everything but hop up in front of the camera and burst into song and dance in this film, and I wouldn’t have put it past him while watching. This is a movie that makes no pretense about being anything besides fun. This past summer, I got really tired of hearing people try to defend VAN HELSING as “just fun,” because it didn’t feel to me while watching it like Stephen Sommers actually had fun making it. It just felt like he had a release date to make and thought that biggerlouderfaster was the way to cover any narrative flaws. Here, you can feel Kitamura giggling behind the camera as he piles up the insanity, and it’s infectious.

Now... having said that... I can tell you that some fans are going to be up in arms about the film, and that’s a shame. It’s just an inevitability, though. As I said recently in the last Jedi Council article, expectation is the enemy, and I think some people heard Kitamura’s name and expected some sort of hard-R bad-ass reimagining.

This is certainly not that movie. One of the things that has always made GODZILLA films so much fun (with the possible exception of the original 1954 movie, which plays much darker and more frightening that I remembered, especially in the restored version we saw released this year) is how these films play to as wide an audience as possible. Up till now, my favorite Kitamura film was actually a short of his called THE MESSENGER. Overall, his films are like fetish dreams. He loves the details, and he’s willing to throw narrative drive to the wind in order to focus on things like the way someone holds a sword or a cool-ass camera move around someone with a gun. He is absolutely a geek director. And things like VERSUS or AZUMI play to a very specific target audience. With GODZILLA: FINAL WARS, he’s made a movie that I would feel perfectly comfortable taking a five-year-old to see, and that means that if you want that mega-violent super-serious bad-ass bloodbath kaiju war movie, you’re not going to get it.

On the other hand, if you want a Godzilla film that finally figures out what to do with the humans for once so they’re not just standing around doing reaction shots, and you have a sense of humor about your kaiju, and you can appreciate some sly camp, then you’re going to basically roll around in this movie, smile on your face. We get a little time after that slam-bang opening to get to know some human characters. There’s Masahiro Matsuoka as Shinichi, one of the mutants, a nice guy who always hesitates in a fight because he still hasn’t learned the killer instinct. There’s Rei Kikukawa as “UN Molecular Biologist Miyuki Otonashi,” who just happens to be incredibly cute. She and Shinichi are assigned to work together, which naturally leads to flirtation-disguised-as-hostility as they go to look at a monster that has just been unearthed, the mummified remains of Gigan. As they investigate it, they learn that the monster may have come from another planet, and they also learn that it may be tied to the origin of the mutants, thanks to the mysterious “M-base” compound present in both. As they dig a little further into the mysteries of the creature, they find themselves transported to Infant Island, where they encounter two tiny li’l ladies who will be instantly familiar to Toho fans. They talk about how Mothra defeated Gigan once before, and warn Shinichi that he has the power to choose what he wants to be.

About that time, you’ll be looking at your watch and saying, “Hey, I heard they had some giant monsters in this film.” Well, hold on, ‘cause someone ordered a whole shitload of creature carnage and it’s right around this point that the delivery arrives. Here’s where you can start playing the game of shouting out the names of the creatures as they arrive in various locations around the world. Rodan terrorizes New York. Angilus runs amuck in Shanghai. The Kamakiras attacks Paris. And at Mount Fuji, a little boy and his grandfather are forced to face down the most terrifying creature of all... Minilla! Or, as most fans know him, Minya. Baby Godzilla. Aw, yeah, that’s right. He’s back. Little blue smoke rings and all. And this time, he actually tries to drive a car!

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The monsters kick a little ass, tear down some landmarks... basically, it’s a Pistons game on a global scale. And then, just as suddenly as they all appeared, they’re gone again, and a big funky UFO appears over the headquarters of the Earth Defense Force. The Secretary General of the U.N., who vanished during the attacks, reappears in a beam of light to explain that he was rescued by the aliens, and they were the ones who made the monsters disappear. Longtime Godzilla fans will recognize Akira Takarada from his appearances in ‘92’s GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA as well as GODZILLA VS. THE SEA MONSTER, GODZILLA VS. MONSTER ZERO, the original GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA, and, yes, the very first GODZILLA back in 1954. This guy’s got history with the series, and there were a lot of cheers when he showed up in the movie. He introduces us to the aliens, who are called Xilians. They say they have come to Earth to warn us about a planet that is on a collision course with ours, and if we want to stop it, we are going to have to gather all of our weapons and focus them on one spot at one time and fire them.

Yeah, right. The five year old sitting behind me saw through that plan right away, proclaiming loudly, “That guy’s a LIAR!” And our heroes don’t fall for it. They set out to prove that the Xilians aren’t as benevolent as they appear, and they enlist the help of Captain Gordon, an improbably cartoonish military man played by Don Frye, a popular martial artist who happens to be an American with a huge Asian following.

When they do unmask the Xilians, they do it on live television, and the Xilians don’t really take it well. They bring every single monster back, unleash them again, kill millions, and level most modern civilization. The leader of the Xilians is played by Kazuki Kitamura, who you’ll probably recognize as one of the Crazy 88’s from KILL BILL. He has more fun than any other actor in the film, chewing the scenery with vigor, and he’s a hilarious bad guy. He’s pretty sure he’s made his point, but he isn’t counting on Captain Gordon and Shinichi, who decide to go to the South Pole to wake up Godzilla. After all, he’s one of the few monsters who doesn’t have the M-base compound in him, and if anything can stop the destruction of the planet, it’s him.

Of course, they’re not exactly sure what they’ll do when they need to stop him again, but that seems like the least of their problems.

From the moment Godzilla wakes up to the end of the movie, Kitamura kicks out the jams and just bombards you with one fight after another. Some of them are frustratingly brief, like when he butts heads with the miserable American Godzilla in Sydney Harbor. Just about the time the real deals holds down the pale imitation and starts recreating a scene from DELIVERANCE, the sequence is over. Other fights pick up in the middle, like when we see Godzilla whup up on Hedorah, who was actually one of the toughest monsters to fight in the original series. These are minor nitpicks, though. There’s something like an hour of sustained monster action, intercut with kung-fu and spaceship dogfights and a kamikaze STAR WARS scene and did I mention that Minilla drives a car? Seriously. And he wears a seatbelt. It’s gloriously batshit, and I loved it all.

Look... you and I both know that as long as there is a Toho Studios, there will be new Godzilla films. This is a celebration of a milestone. Not many pop culture figures of any sort last 50 years. New generations continue to enjoy these films, and one of the reasons is because of the sheer elasticity of the concept. You can do anything with the human stories in these films as long as you deliver the goods where it matters, and this film does in spades. I’ve seen a lot of truly great films this year... movies like THE INCREDIBLES or ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND or KINSEY or THE LIFE AQUATIC or SILMIDO or SPRING, SUMMER, FALL, WINTER... AND SPRING or BEFORE SUNSET. Those are lasting works of art, powerful films that say something about the human condition. And not one of them features Baby Godzilla driving a goddamn car. And that’s why GODZILLA: FINAL WARS earns a special place in my heart. It’s fun. Pure lunatic fun, every frame. Thank you, Toho. Thank you, Ryuhei Kitamura. Thank you, Tsutomo Kitigawa and Shogo Tomiyama and Eiichi Asada and Shinichi Wakasa. Thank you for taking me back to those Saturday afternoons where I first fell in love with these movies. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go build a city out of cardboard boxes. I have some buildings to stomp.

"Moriarty" out.

Readers Talkback
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  • Nov. 30, 2004, 7:08 a.m. CST


    by Lt. Columbo

    This is going finally erase that Broderick abomination which is down as one of the worst films I've ever seen (and believe me, I like some crap!)

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 8:01 a.m. CST

    I remember watching one of the Godzilla movies with a couple of

    by TheGinger Twit

    My God it was terrible.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 8:43 a.m. CST

    OK, so it's got Minilla...

    by rev_skarekroe

    ...but does it have Godzooky?

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 10:44 a.m. CST

    And all the crickets say, "chirp chirp chirp chirp."

    by Fletch F Fletch

    Because no one gives a shit.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Roland Emmerich's Godzilla

    by Azure Tyger

    If Godzilla fanbois could get their tongues out of Toho's ass for 5 seconds and look at the 2 Gs objectively for once, they'd have to admit that as bad as it was, the American Godzilla was a much superior movie than any of the shlock we've seen from the Japanese versions. The American version had bad writing, cheesy acting, and little to no plot which puts it on par or better than any Toho Godzilla product we have seen since the original but has far better effects. Some guy in a crappy looking latex suit stomping on sterile models may have worked for me as a 5 year old, but any more the crap is just unwatchable. Fandom and the irritating twits it spews out can cling to their little cross-culture pseudo elitism all they want. But the American Godzilla, despite the fact that it was a run of the mill action movie, is far and away a better product. But by all means go out their fellate another shitty Godzilla movie like it is a nerd's wet epiphany. The rest of us will sit back and be amused.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 11:16 a.m. CST

    Sounds like quite the craptacular Suckfest.

    by Rolling_Stone

    If you're older than 5, why bother?

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 11:29 a.m. CST

    History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of

    by Atticus Finch


  • Nov. 30, 2004, 11:43 a.m. CST

    You know...

    by Halloween68

    I would jump on this faster than Ron Jeremy in a box of poon, but you guys said the same thing about Freddy vs. Jason when that first came out. And too Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky. I am a fan of all those franchises and those movies are absolute shit. (For the those of you eager to call me on my distaste for cheeze...think again. I was a fan of Jason Takes Manhattan and Dream Warriors. I like cheeze if it's done well, grabs you by the balls and makes you laugh out loud while being frightfully insane at the same time. Evil Dead 2 and Dead Alive are two of my favorite films of all time.) I'm not sure what to believe anymore from you guys. You seem to confuse different and in your face with good way more often than not. Those are certainly elements of a good film, but that's not the end all beat all of a good film.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 12:21 p.m. CST

    by Psycho_Kenshin

    Godamn I can't wait to see this movie, it may be the greats G film of all time. It won't be the last though, not by a long shot. And, Halloween, Freddy Vs Jason kicks your skull in, then slams you into a volcano. Its that kind of movie.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 12:45 p.m. CST


    by RenoNevada2000

    So when's this getting circulated here in the States?

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Godzilla Vs Tarkus

    by RenoNevada2000

    I thought I read that Keith Emerson of Emerson, Lake and Powell was suppossed to score this. How did that work out?

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 1:46 p.m. CST


    by TheDarkShape

    Anyone who says Jason Takes Manhattan is better than Freddy Vs. Jason is either full of shit or delusional.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 1:56 p.m. CST

    Godzilla Vs. Godzilla Carnage

    by Yo_SheBitch

    Of course the most likeable part was when the Japanese G kicked the American G's ass and the head alien said something like, "I knew that tuna-eating monster was worthless."

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 2:32 p.m. CST

    Ok....everyone repeat after me...sheesh..

    by JAGUART

    "I do believe in Monsters" "I do believe in Monsters" I DO I DO I DO!

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 3:05 p.m. CST

    exactly. what is the point?

    by MiltonWaddams

    you know when someone makes something that's "so bad it's good", and then you go "ok, haha". but then they make sequels. lots of them. that's godzilla.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 4:33 p.m. CST

    I saw Godzilla 2000 in the theater when that played locally.

    by Noriko Takaya

    Also caught the "Director's cut" version of the origional '54 movie when that made the rounds and I must say: yeah, it's crap, but by god it's *fun* crap. Far more fun then that cinematic abortion Roland Emmerich foisted on us back in '98. Now don't get me wrong, I love CGI, "Attack of the Clones" "X-Men 2" and "Jurassic Park" being three of my favorite films, but "Man in suit" is how the Big G should ALWAYS be done. I am so looking forward to "Final Wars." Like Star Trek, Godzilla is past his prime and needs to be put to rest for the foreseeable future, and this sounds like a great send-off for the series - which is all that it deserves. Toppu o Nerae!

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 5:25 p.m. CST

    Cool stuff!

    by Tinfang

    I've had a lot of fun with old Godzilla over the years and I look forward to having a fun time watching this one. Err, on DVD, of course. The hokiness and cheese is just too much on the big screen. As per Moriarity

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 6:39 p.m. CST

    It's funny how the japs hated so much the american version of go

    by Judge Doom

    Since theirs GODZILLA 2000 tried not only to emulate every goddamn scene from that movie but a couple shots from Independence Day as well.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 7:25 p.m. CST

    "Since theirs GODZILLA 2000 tried not only to emulate every godd

    by Anlashok

    Is Godzilla 2000 the one where the alien ship was found at the center of the ocean and when awakened started to reek havok in the city? If so, I see NO connection with that and that steaming pile we did with Mathew Broderick. When I watch a film all that matters to me in the end was how it made me feel, did it entertain? Was I excited about what was going on? Did I LIKE what was going on? The answer for Godzilla 2000 was yes, the answer for the american remake was good fucking lord no. It's not what you do, it's how you do it. And so far only "Japs" do Godzilla the way I like it done. Case in point when the big creature starts swallowing Godzilla head first, there's a moment when everything becomes real quiet, and then you hear the humm as his spikes light up, and you it fuckin comes. Style, style beats bluster, everytime, every. fuckin. time.

  • Roth can't close Revulsion Studios soon enough.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 9:07 p.m. CST

    Godzilla Dance Track!!!

    by High Grade 4 Eva

    Peep this, kaiju addicts. click on the godzilla track at Can't wait for this movie, guess my track is a bit late to make the soundtrack!

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 9:13 p.m. CST

    and another thing........

    by High Grade 4 Eva

    Look at all these Zilla haters! Calm down yankee boys, it's ok to not be the best at everything.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 10:58 p.m. CST

    I knew it.

    by ripper t. jones

    Knew damn skippy Kitamura was gonna hit it out of the park. Then crush the park to splinters.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 11:01 p.m. CST


    by ripper t. jones

    ...if I could just convince Mo that "Versus" does in fact kick ass.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 11:39 p.m. CST

    Sounds good. Only the Japanese know how to make a good Godzilla

    by L.H.Puttgrass

    Japanese culture is so gloriously different from everything else! I love it! Anybody seen "Lost in Translation"? I visited Japan 14 years ago and apparently it hasn't changed at all according to that movie. Thank God for that. I love anime, those little seaweed crackers, and little model tanks shooting big rubber monsters on sets filled with scale model skyscrapers. When I was a kid I couldn't get enough of it and I still can't. These days I really love those crazy-ass Japanese video games. If you haven't played "Katamari Damacy" you need to give it a try. It's only $20 and it beats most $50 games. From the opening sequence, you know you're in for something humorous, different and new. It's been the only game in my PS2 for about 2 weeks. But I digress, the reason for the failure of the American version of Godzilla rests with the creature himself (their version). You just don't monkey around with an icon. Godzilla is an icon. I could have accepted a CGI Godzilla if he looked like Godzilla. I'm sorry, but the creature that Ferris tangled with looked like an "Alien" with an iguana's head. They may have felt that was a more realistic rendering of the big guy, but he was never realistic in the first place. Since the 50's, Godzilla was a giant monster that beat the crap out of other giant monsters and then he would dance a jig. A jig... Remember how he would rub it in their faces when he won. It was like pro-wrestling without the ring ropes. When they tried to add "realistic" story elements like Godzilla attacking NYC to find a place to nest, it just didn't fit with the history we already knew from years of movies. I know it's their movie and their take on it; but again he's an icon. Godzilla's a guy. He don't do nesting. When I was a kid, I always knew there was a Mrs. Gee out there somewhere who was the reason for Godzilla's tag-a-long kid. Anyway, I'm glad that it looks like the new movie is still just as fun and goofy as ever. I hope they stay that way, because Godzilla don't do serious, unless it's an ass-whuppin'.

  • Nov. 30, 2004, 11:59 p.m. CST

    Even more disturbing ...

    by AndyCappJr

    ... is seeing some of you nerds refer to Moriarty as "Mori" or "Mo" in this thread. No one wins that round, me included for posting on this downhill-slide of a site.

  • Dec. 1, 2004, midnight CST


    by johne5

    This film was one of my guesses in my BNAT submission. Maybe since I got in I was right....

  • Dec. 1, 2004, 3:06 a.m. CST

    Godzilla 1985

    by John Anderton

    Am I the only one that thought this was the only "realistic" (and decent) Godzilla movie?

  • Dec. 1, 2004, 4:55 a.m. CST

    So when can we pick it up on a cheap DVD?

    by trouserpress

  • Dec. 1, 2004, 5:02 a.m. CST

    I adopted my inner-child...

    by Scunner

    If you defend Japanese Godzilla movies by saying that if you don't like them then you're inner child is dead, and then blast the Hollywood version which every little kid I know really enjoyed, seems a bit at odds to me. And bleating about messing with Godzilla mythology or whatever is pointless. You think your inner-child gives a shit? He's spoilt enough already give him a slap.

  • Dec. 1, 2004, 6:47 a.m. CST

    well, Anla'shok... I remember a few scenes

    by Judge Doom


  • Dec. 1, 2004, 7:42 a.m. CST

    "Nobody cares" huh?

    by jmtoyzilla

    Look, we G-Fans know that a lot of people don't like Godzilla, but to say "nobody cares" is idiocy. You are talking about fifty years worth of character durability. Billions in merchandise sales. So obviously, people do care. I showed Destroy All Monsters to my nieces (4 and 7) who had never seen a Godzilla movie and they were riveted, except for that godawful boring part where Akira Kubo is trying to cut the power cable to disable the Kilaks' remote control. Anyway, the girls were ENTHRALLED and I was thrilled to have passed the baton to yet another generation of Godzilla fans. As for Final Wars, well, everything I've heard for the past year told me this was a "scan through the DVD to the parts you like" kind of flick. Even Toho admits they've run out of ideas. So, since you have no ideas, what better way to wrap things up (for now) than to just toss everything in and have a final balls-out blast? That's obviously what Final Wars is.

  • Dec. 1, 2004, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Freddy vs. Jason vs. Jason Takes Manhattan

    by Halloween68

    Sorry but no. Freddy vs. Jason stunk ass. It was like watching an overproduced WWF match. Much the same way Alien vs. Predator was WWF tagteam. If that's your schtick fine. But when I go to a horror movie I want to see horror not wrestling. If the horror happens to be funny all the better. See Shaun of the Dead for horror/cheeze done right. Once again, in your face doesn't exclusively mean good. And as for my Jason Takes Manhattan comment, you read me all wrong. I never said Jason Takes Manhattan was brilliant in any way, but it was a great idea, making it at least fun to watch if only to see him in the New York environment, "plus" it remained true to the series and the character's history (in this case Jason), not dismissing every film before it, and comeon, that pink guitar to the head was an awesome death scene. Jason Takes Manhattan "was" a Jason movie. Freddy vs. Jason was neither a Jason movie or a Freddie movie. It was Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage in Halloween masks. Not much of a movie there. Just a lame-o PayPerView special.

  • Dec. 1, 2004, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Let loose your inner child indeed...

    by B.NyeTheUruk-Hai

    I just think that it's pretty funny that we're told to give in to the child inside of us whenever watching any of the Toho Godzilla films and to cling fondly to our childhood memories of these flicks (which I do). But we're not allowed to do the same thing when it comes to the Star Wars Prequels. Hypocrites...

  • Dec. 1, 2004, 6:51 p.m. CST

    So when can someone other than McWeeny see this fucking film?

    by Kenshiro_Kane

    Seriously, does it even have a US distribution deal? Can it be seen in a fucking theatre? No? THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE???

  • Dec. 2, 2004, 10:18 a.m. CST

    The End of the Left

    by James Crackcorn

    The World has moved on. The hysterical reaction of the Western Left to the reelection of President George W. Bush is not just a primal scream from politicians and intellectuals deprived of political power. The violent language, numerous acts of violence, and demonization of Bush and his electorate

  • Dec. 2, 2004, 2:27 p.m. CST

    It's hard to believe anyone enjoys these crap japanese man-in-su

    by Lord_Soth

    Sure, both of them are looking fake, but there's a little difference between laughing at a pathetically bad man-in-suit monster and bitching about the ocassionally poor rendering of a cgi lizard.

  • Dec. 3, 2004, 4:51 p.m. CST

    "chirp" "chirp" you're lame

    by gunnarcannibal

    I am too tired and too frustrated to begin to say how annoyed I am by this the asshole who came up with the "chirp" post. So fucking useless and stupid you are, so fucking lame. Jesus. Die. You're opinion is not valid if you think saying "chirp" "chirp" is clever, why do you get to live when so many have to die? Godzilla rules.