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A Couple Of ALEXANDER Reviews!!
Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
I want to believe that Oliver Stone has made a great movie. I do. I love Oliver Stone when he’s working at the peak of his powers. But there are very few people capable of the precise combination of ego and cluelessness that he is, and it’s starting to sound to me, based on what I’ve heard from many friends in town, like he’s made a big weird mess of a movie. Still, I’m going into it with fingers crossed. In the meantime, here are a few reactions we got in...
Harry -
I just got home from watching Alexander up at the DGA proceeded by a Q&A session with Oliver Stone. The place was packed so I am sure the reviews are pooring in, and unfortunately, they all probably say the same thing: This movie is a mess.
According to Stone he just finished this film on Friday and, in my opinion, it looks like he rushed it out the door. All of the elements that should be paramount in this film are missing. The story is incohesive, the acting is uninspired, and the whole look is incredibly pieced together. Here are the major flaws that I find with this movie:
1. The story of Alexander is one of a man who kicked some major ass and ruled half of the world by the time he was 30. Instead of really telling this story, Stone keeps trying to find different reasons as to why he was so driven. Was it his mother? Was it his Father? Was he lonely? etc,etc,etc. By the time the movie ends you realize that you have been halfway around the world on a conquering spree but for most of the ride you have spent trying to figure out why you are on it. There is no real central theme. Just a bunch of ideas and they all come in at awkward times.
2. The accents were a little too much to stomach. Sure they can't speak ancient languages but to hear a thick Scottish accent in the 330 BC really throws you out of the whole disconnect. Jolie proves again that she can do a really good accent, but its just annoying to hear it in a period piece.
3. The music was absolutely awful. It sounds like it was done on a Casio 250 or something. Its this really cheesy keyboard sounding stuff that is so out of place you are not sure if the soundtrack is for the right movie. Nothing like watching a movie that takes place BC with music that sounds like it came from Blade Runner.
Those are my biggest beefs with this movie but you be the judge for yourself. I am really curious to see how the people react to this movie. I am pretty sure it will bore most people and piss off the rest. Speaking of - the whole gay thing? Yeah, they pretty much hint that Alexander is gay for the entire movie. Constantly there are hints and allegations. Stone never really has the balls to come right out and show it, but he made it obvious in the film that he was gay. Oddly, during the Q and A afterwards, when asked about it Stone kept mentioning how it was a "brotherly love". See the movie and decide for yourself.
The few good points of this movie are that there are some scenes that are very good. The death of his father is really well done and some of the mother-son struggle scenes with Jolie come off really well. Oh yeah, the Rosario Dawson nude scene will make you worship her instead of Jolie, but I am sure those pics will be on the internet by the time you post this. But thats about all I liked.
So there you are. Can't wait to see the rest of the responses, but judging from what I heard in the theaters, this one is going to flop.And another...
Hi Moriarity!
Don't know if there's been any previous buzz on Oliver Stone's "Alexander," but I didn't see any reviews on a quick scan and thought I'd toss a few words your way. In brief, I was stunned--and I say that without snarky irony--stunned by how bad this movie was. Overacting, bizarro camera work and frame tinting, lackluster battles (except the one with the elephants but it'll be a struggle to stay with it that long) and...God, it was just a mess. Compared to it, "Troy" is "Gladiator," and the 70's tv series "I, Claudius" is looking better all the time.
The film starts with Alexander on his deathbed and then goes into an interminable prologue by Anthony Hopkins as Ptolemy dictating a life of Alexander. Don't like doe-eyed, slender men in eye makeup? Leave now because you're going to get nothing but for the next two and a half hours. I say this as a gay-friendly straight woman: this is the gayest epic I've EVER seen! Not gonna do too well in the red states. We get a creepily affectionate though always gorgeous Angelina Jolie with a leftover Russian(?) accent alternately cuddling young Alexander and her pet snakes just before Val Kilmer with one eye glued shut bursts in and tries to rape her. We then get a montage of life lessons by famous people, and the obligatory great-moment-from-history as the boy Alexander tames the mighty horse Bucephalus. But if you're enjoying Christopher Plummer as Aristotle, leave after that scene, because it's one of a few tolerable ones for the next two hours. Colin Ferrell, who I admittedly was never a fan of, never hits any sort of stride. His Alexander is a nice enough guy, but never is engaging on any front. He's a dreamer of world peace through conquest which makes no sense, and his earnest looks from under a succession of bad blond wigs is embarassing. Stone may be trying to make a parellel to George Bush's fiasco in Iraq but it's clumsy and ham-handed. CGI battles are commonplace now, and Stone has nothing new to add there, either, except for one cool eagle-eye view. The movie makes the story of one of history's more dynamic characters a tedious slog. We never are shown why Alexander was able to command such loyalty, and his relaitionship with his father is only filled in just before the end of the film, when you will be too tired to care. Homophobes will flee from a succession of mascared pretty boys and boy-on-boy smouldering looks (and I know that the historical Alexander had a relaitionship with buddy boy Hephastion) and smooches, while red blooded males won't get enough of Rosario Dawsons's bare breasts to make up for the tedium either. (she sports another one of the movie's mysterious accents)
All in all, a shockingly bad movie from people who should know better. Wasted talent, wasted money, wasted technology.
--SimFarYeeeeeks. Youch. Yooooooof.
"Moriarty" out.
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The source material is fantastic. Why can't they make an effing good movie from it? Troy was the same as this sounds. Possibly the greatest story in history, and they turn it into a "meh" type story... Cheers.
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Wasn't the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy the 'gayest' epic ever?
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Nov 10, 2004 8:59:41 AM CST
I'm surprised neither mentioned Alex showing off his cock.
by minderbinder
No way in hell I'm going to this. At least Dawson shows the goods, but that's not nearly enough to save this crapfest.
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Nov 10, 2004 9:02:29 AM CST
This movie looks gayer than Where the Girls Aren't, Men Alone II
by i dunno
Well maybe not Lord of the Rings.
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Oh wait, theirs is purple, I forgot. What about Lesbians, they'll like Rosario too, right? Anyway, I wonder if the Election, which painted a picture of a much much more conservative America than Hollywood thought existed due to the high ratings of Will and Grace (like that show doesn't make fun of gays), threw this movie off track? It certainly sounds like Stone is backpeddling hard with that "brotherly love" comment. We have tons of movies that get by on that line, from Ben Hur to Batman and Robin. Nothing new at all there. But I'm really sorry to hear the movie doesn't work. Maybe too much of the movie hinged on scenes that had to be cut? It worries me to read that Alexander as played by Colin Farell isn't a compelling figure. That's a shame as I don't think they can fix that with editing this close to release. Damn. Really, I had hoped this would be Stone's Gladiator, not his 1492: Conquest of Paradise. If I don't read some really positive reviews, I might wait for the DVD like I did for Troy.
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Nov 10, 2004 9:29:37 AM CST
You could tell how crappy this movie was from the trailers.
by johnnytremaine
Now that isn't a hard and fast rule. I concede that there are exceptions. But for the most part, you could tell from the trailer(s) wether a movie will be good, or even if it will stink but will still be a big hit.
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It's so obvious this is a plant. When will the stuidos learn?
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Nov 10, 2004 9:39:35 AM CST
I don't know how much stake I put into a reviewer who describes
by boris the blade
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Great line. Coulda gone with Jesusland, but red states works too. Well, another overblown, self-indulgent piece from Stone. Alas. And seriously, am I the only one who absolutely LOATHES Angelina Jolie? I'd like to take her and Charlize Theron out back and beat 'em with a tire iron.
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why WHY does everyone compare this to Troy? that's like seeing "Wild Wild West" and saying ALL WESTERNS BLOW, then refusing to see "Magificent Seven." COME ON. no one should expect a typical epic movie from stone, so the lack of a "theme" doesn't seem surprising. ask yourself: what's the "theme" of your life? he's making a movie about a real person. he has no obligation to hollywoofify history. i remain eager to see one of my favorite directors and many of my favorite actors bringing my favorite historical figure to life. as for the boy on boy stuff, if you can't take it you're unbelievably weak.
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and she looks like the corpse of jon voigt
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Stone can be a brilliant yet frustrating filmmaker. Many of films work very well on first pass and then on subsequent viewings are almost laughable. The Doors, JFK, NBK and U-Turn all fall into this category in my opinion. (Before everyone jumps on me JFK and NBK are techinically brilliant films, but as I read more and formulate my own viewpoints, they just do not resonate with me, sorry). Yet some of his films did not move me at all on first viewing but have defintely improved on subsequent viewing. Salvador, Talk Radio, Heaven and Earth and Any Given Sunday are examples. So Alexander may fall into the let time tell category. Of course Platoon, Wall Street, and Born on the Fourth of July were great then and great always. Hopefully Alexander will fall into THAT category.
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Nov 10, 2004 10:49:22 AM CST
Alexander is one of the few historical figures whose life actual
by fluffyunbound
Alexander can be seen as the first "literary romantic". Alexander regarded the figures of Homeric and mythologic literature as actual people who could serve as role models. He took poetry seriously not just as entertainment to accompany drinking and wenching, but as an actual guide to life. He then spent his life trying to live up to BE Achilles or Heracles. It was the only type of immortality Greeks of his time could envision. The only worthwhile type, anyway. And Alexander had the kingdom and army built by Phillip to enable him to live out his adolescent fantasies. If you can imagine someone who grew up thinking that the stories about Washington and the cherry tree, Lincoln and the log cabin, Daniel Boone stories, etc., were all TRUE, and then tried to live them in his own life, but had the money and power and talent to DO IT, you can visualize the theme of Alexander's life.
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...also, nice to know that the media is now setting us up for another civil war (Red State v. Blue State, WTF?)
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Nov 10, 2004 12:35:31 PM CST
I understand gay people more than I do people who don't think Jo
by i dunno
Guys who smoke pole, ok that's cool if that's your thing. But a straight male not thinking Angelina Jolie is the money? I can't fathom it. And fuck Oliver Stone. He's the only filmmaker who can make a simple scene of two people talking in a room and make it look like an Mtv video with a coked up loquatious spider monkey holding the camera. He ruined NAtural Born Killers with his bullshit and Any Given Sunday gave me seizures. Pass.
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Yay.
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Nov 10, 2004 1:53:21 PM CST
"why WHY does everyone compare this to Troy?" 'Cause the traile
by minderbinder
Hammy actors, bad accents, fake battles. Maybe it's better. But I haven't seen anything in so far (nor heard from reviews) that makes me willing to risk my eight fifty.
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Troy was probably one of the worst movies of the summer because they took a simple epic story and put a lot of shit in it and tried to make it an anti-war film, and kept Orlando Bloom alive so all those stupid teen bitches wouldn't cry and bitch after the movie. Alexander at least looks like it takes some steps to make a cool movie and he fights an elephant, it really doesn't get better than that
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Nov 10, 2004 2:02:31 PM CST
Oh how tedious some reviewers expecting Gladiator and simple nar
by watashiwadare
It's time to grow up and leave the comic books behind a little. Alexander is worthy. I've never seen a Stone movie to have those "cluelessness' and "ego' problems cited above..if anything they're challenging first impressions and pushing you forward, into empathy with things bigger than yourself or a website review.
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Nov 10, 2004 2:27:48 PM CST
I guess if it was kill bill bill 3, then ego, cluelesness, bizar
by watashiwadare
In the case of Alexander it will be all pre-ordained negative reviews based on dislike of Oliver Stone once again, which just proves that people who think it important to start 'reviewing' everything are doing it for reasons outside of the movie: Ego-- 'me versus Oliver Stone.' A movie that exists in the old school frame of challenging expectations and complicating responses rather than pandering to cynicism will just annoy people, especially if it is loud. Don't be conservative. Go to American Cinematographer for intelligent matters to think about. http://www.theasc.com/magazine/nov04/alexander/index.html
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Nov 10, 2004 2:40:26 PM CST
I never said I don't think Angelina isn't hot... she's definitel
by tv casualty
... but I still hate her. I guess I'd like to have some fun with her. THEN hit her with a tire iron. Not Theron though. She goes straight to the hitting.
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Nov 10, 2004 3:35:09 PM CST
A Stone fan says : ALL of Stone's movies are big messes
by maxcalifornia.
Seriously, "big mess" movies are Stone's specialty. JFK, Nixon, NBK, Any Given Sunday, all huge weird and wild almost experimental films that throw everything into the pot with only a skeleton of a plot. But they're still great moviegoing experiences anyway. Why? I don't know really. Stone throws some of this special acid into the mix, and somehow, they all work out. Who wants to see a "perfect" Oliver Stone movie anyway? The man is here to push, provoke, and generally fuck with your head. If you don't want a piece of that, Bruckheimer's latest cookie cutter crapfest National Treasure will be showing next door.
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When they all reunite and jump on the bed together and gigfle, damn that's gay!
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His movies are too obvious, he should take a lesson that more is sometimes better. Yet he hits us over the head with metaphor and bombast and emoting whenever he gets the chance. Take the Doors movie with the indian spirit looking over Morrison. urghhhhh. You can tell he took Jim a little too seriously. It was theater Oliver, not opera.
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Meant to say less is sometimes better. Like you needed any more of me.
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Nov 10, 2004 6:09:55 PM CST
After the lackluster trailers and the poster with Colin Ferrel w
by big bad clone
I might just have to take a look. Which sucks since I thought this would have a great movie and now my only motivation to go is a nekkid woman.
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Ok, basically, as the informed know, back in the days of the ancient romans, greeks etc, it was commonplace for men, especially nobility and military men, to sleep with both men and women, this was disregarded in the blatantly hetero promoting movie Troy where they turned that guy into Brad Pitts cousin instead of his friend and partner.
The thing is back in those days being gay didnt have the stigma attached to it that it still has somewhat these days, nobody gave a shit. Im not saying I want to see giant homosexual love scenes slap bang in front of me on screen, I dont, but then I dont think Id be offended either, but I am saying to those people who call movies such as this 'gay', that you should do your research and realise that bisexuality was rampant back in those days as it wasnt an 'issue' as such like it is these days. -
Troy will be seen as a classic in later years. Gladiator was completely over-rated. Sorry.
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Remember the INCREDIBLE hype about Sky Captain in this site? Where has it gone?
Praising, or critizising a film boldly, without having actually seen it, can be prejudicial, I say.
By the way... a possitive review for Polar Express and NO REVIEW AT ALL for The Incredibles???
Gee... this is bad, very bad!
I will give Alexander a chance, of course. Stone can -
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCKER JUST DID??!! HE CUT A SCENE FROM HIS UPCOMING MOVIE "CLOSER", THAT SHOWED NATALIE PORTMAN IN FULL FRONTAL NUDITY. CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE IT??!!. NATALIE PORTMAN IN FULL FRONTAL NUDITY EDITED OUT!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH. SOMEBODY CALL BIN LADEN!!! http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/041109c.php
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colin farrel acts gay, rosario dawson gets naked. Maybe when you move out of your parents homes you will learn to enjoy movies and life like a mature adult, probably not though you'll probably go college and just smoke weed and play halo 2.
I feel sorry for you narrow minded fools. -
Nov 11, 2004 3:53:26 AM CST
"Oh yeah, the Rosario Dawson nude scene will make you worship he
by big dumb ape
That would be a cold day in Hell. Overrated and "eh" looking Dawson -- depending on how her makeup job was done on a particular film -- against the 100% natural and staggering sexuality and jawdropping beauty that's Jolie? No contest, buddy. Even if Rosario shows everything while Jolie is stuck running around fully clothed, I'm sure in this flick Angelina continues her streak of showing every red blooded male what a fantasy girl is REALLY all about. Angelina...YUM.
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Nov 11, 2004 8:18:14 AM CST
"Remember the INCREDIBLE hype about Sky Captain in this site?"
by minderbinder
Yeah, that movie was pretty cool. Unlike this turd.
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Nov 11, 2004 9:44:54 AM CST
Aside from the fact Farrell looks like SIEGFRIED without Roy und
by comicbookgeek77
I think the movie looks decent.
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While not every film he's done is a masterpiece, he's still one of the best fucking filmmakers working in the U.S today. I'd rather watch his worst film than most filmmakers best.
'Nixon' is still one of the most underrated US films of the last ten years. Considering the reasons given by the reviewers (and i use the term loosely)for NOT liking this film - i'll still be front and centre come opening day. -
Nov 11, 2004 2:14:21 PM CST
MSNBC has an article claiming the buzz on this film is bad, and
by fluffyunbound
Wouldn't it be unfortunate if these reviews were fake, sent in by those we-hate-AICN-website guys?
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I'm sorry this guy is so overrated it's pathetic. I hope this movie bombs big time. I like CF in some of the roles he's had but he is an ok actor. I seen better actors in strait to video fare. Oh yeah enough of the Gladiator/Troy/Alexander shit already! Take a break, cause the shit aint good, and the cgi, it blows like a Clinton Intern. No news on this site about the pic of General Greivious or the pics of Drake from Blade:Trinity... Please remove the "NEWS" from AINT IT COOL, cause you never have news you fat bastard!
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1) 90% of the territory Alexander conquered was already part of a single empire. The Persian Empire. Therefore by definition Alexander didn't invent conquest. He became an important historical personage because the blinding speed of his conquest, combined with his youth, made his achievement seem more singular than that of previous conquerors - and because he was part of the Western historical tradition in a more direct way than, for example, Sargon. 2) All of the people Alexander killed would be dead by now, anyway. Anyone who claims to feel a specific grief for them is a liar and an emotional poseur. Try to contain future displays of contrived sentiment. Now please excuse me while I go grieve over a kitten that drowned in a canal in ancient Memphis, and a nest of birdies that fell to the ground during the Han dynasty.
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IMDB has quoted a few of these guys up top on their news page...
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I mean, it ain't like them Hobbits started gagging each other with their spoons...if you take my meaning. Sigh, I look forward to the day when impressionable and faddish teeny-boppers like you latch on to a new and "kewl" buzz-word other than "gay." Oh yeah, this movie looks interesting in a Big Spectacle way so I'll check it out...ONLY after I've seen The Incredibles again!
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Stone hasn't reached oscar worthy heights since Platoon. At least he had a personal stake in platoon relating a moving experience. Now like most other directors spoiled by Bruckheimer's easy money formula of hack directing, they rely way too much on technology and sfx and armies of postproduction crew and computers. Only Ridley Scott has stayed consistently good to this day during the last quarter century. True, he has some flair and still uses overrated faces, but at least he doesn't take the intelligence of moviegoers for granted. When will Jackson wannabes learn that LOTR used CGI and sfx only when necessary and when he did , it was directed as meticulously as if it was actual film not just let the sfx people fix it up. Makes me laugh when in the Alexander preview, so many LOTR wannabe scenes. Even a GREAT eagle perched on some mountainside! The Last Samurai indeed. Colin Farrel was overlooked in Minority Report because Tom Cruise wasn't ready to let go of top hack pretty boy acting yet, even in his 40's.
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Nov 14, 2004 9:32:50 AM CST
"Stone may be trying to make a parellel to George Bush's fiasco
by salvatoregravano
5% of world's population. Believe it or not, the remaining 95%, with centuries of history behind them, do not revolve around modern yankee popculture.
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