Cool News
Antonio Bay, there's some FOG rolling in again, so dress warm... Knock... Knock... Knock...
Hey folks, Harry here... So John Carpenter called a while ago, and after we talked about the insane scarcity of RIO BRAVO lobby cards, my cool new Don Post 45 year old Monster Mask that arrived today as if newly ordered from Captain Company... well we got to talking about the reason he called... He's working on a cool as hell sounding project called THE MASTERS OF HORROR, that he and several Horror dignitaries are cooking up... but he couldn't go into details about it, but apparently it begins shooting soon. But... He was mainly thankful for the insane success of THE GRUDGE this weekend, as it directly led to a greenlight for a film he's producing. It's a remake of JOHN CARPENTER'S THE FOG. I immediately asked him, "Are you remaking it?" And he did one of those great looooooong Carpenterian "Weeeellllll"s that he's known for and then he said, "I made that movie a long time ago," he then went on to say that they're looking to sign on a really great director. The screenwriter is Cooper Lane who has a helluva good Western script called HELLDORADO. In addition to John Carpenter producing, he's joining back up with Debra Hill and David Foster (THE THING)!!! The project is over at Revolution, let's hope they do a great job. Personally, I LOVE the original. It scared the shit out of me as a kid and as an adult... that slow three knocks still sends shivvers up my spine!
Hey... do ya think they'd cast Jamie Leigh Curtis in the Janet Leigh role this time? That'd kinda be really cool. As for Adrienne... oh man, there's no hot delicious actresses out there with that throaty sexy yummy heaving breastesesessss... Excuse me... I lost it there for a second. Ok, I'm back. With Carpenter actively on this team, I'm kinda curious to see what comes up.
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consider me there. on a side note, too bad carpenter has sucked massive hairy nuts on every thing after "they live"
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I like the original but if they feel they have to,go for it.I'll see it late one night in 200whatever.Good luck to them.
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Boys and girls, I'm a big fan of Carpenter, but for God's sake, is this the only way the guy can make some dough? The Fog does not need a remake, The Thing does not need a remake, and so on. Hell, I'd rather see a sequel to They Live, or further exploration into the realms of Sutter Kane. Is this all Hollywood can churn out? 70's and 80's remakes and Anglo retreads of Asian horror? Ass, Ass, Ass.
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It had to be said.
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Imagine Carpenter and his creative team from The Thing (Rob Bottin, Dean Cundey, Ennio Morricone, Kurt Russell) let loose on a Frank Darabont screenplay? Goosepimples. Oh, and The Fog is fun, but the film's logic is heavilly flawed (if "six must die", then why do the ghost pirates try to kill everyone they encounter? I thought they were just interested in the direct descendants of the conspiritors who lured them to their deaths...?). With so few decent ghost movies nowadays, I wouldn't mind someone having a fresh crack at it. Hell, if Dawn Of The Dead '04 could rock so hard based on a screenplay by the writer of frigging Scooby-Doo, then anything's possible...
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He needs to make a movie where Roddy Piper ,Kurt Russell ,and the black guy from They Live...that would rule ass..........have them as a bunch of excons sent on a dirty dozen type mission who end up having to kill some badass aliens or something evil like that.Anything but a remake even though the fog was scary as shit
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I love The Fog. There is no point in remaking it with a bunch of lame teen TV actors. Because you know they will.
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That would be Keith David, who rocks all kinds of ass. C'mon boys was this a slow fuckin news day or what?! I need my daily dose of vitriole and bile! My personal favorites are the denegration of Super Hero projects, fuck superherohype, those wet blankets sop up whatevers handed to them, only here at AICN are assholes truly torn asunder! So c'mon, how about a Ghost Rider update, or even better I hear The Flamboyant Four are almost finished Principal Photography, I am a failed creator and I must vent..my..rage. Hell, I'll even take a freakin Bush Kerry talkback at this point.
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The first was scary, but then i was little as hell, and haven't seen that flick since i was like 12 or 13, so I welcome a remake.
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The Fog is a favorite of mine (as is The Thing), much due to the very original and creepy atmosphere of the film. Carpenter hasn't made a truly great film since BTIC, and certainly not even a good one since They Live. Producing a remake of one of his own films 25 years after the original, coupled with an almost 20-year dismal track record, really shows how far the man has fallen. If the New Fog is anything else than I Know What You Did Last Summer With Leper Pirate Zombie Ghosts, I'll eat my own left nut. Mr. Carpenter, it's time to join Mr. Craven and Mr. Argento on the porch of the Old Hack's Home. With the money from your latest sell-out project you'll be able to keep everyone in prune juice forever.
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Wasn't that one of the pre-production names for The Rundown (with The Rock), along with Welcome to the Jungle?
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Oct 28, 2004 4:16:32 AM CDT
man harry is a total perv. reading any of his posts where he tal
by bearison ford
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I saw THE FOG on TV not too long ago, and it was pretty kewl :) Sort of Lovecraftian, or maybe more Edgar Allen Poe?!
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Oct 28, 2004 5:31:27 AM CDT
Don't remake this, it's already awesome. Remake Prince of Darkn
by dastickboy
Watch PoD a couple of nights back, and it's a really creepy film, but it lacked any kind of star quality.
The Fog and The Thing are the best Horror films that JC made, these should be left alone.
Hell, what am I saying - forget the remakes John, give us another Jack Burton film!!! -
Oct 28, 2004 6:29:53 AM CDT
Why can't they greenlight an original Carpenter movie? That woul
by trouserpress
Not this. I don't think he can justify calling himself a Master of Horror any more.
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That would be pretty cool if she played her mothers part. Somehow though I don't think she would do it. She didn't take part in 'The Fog' DVD and she turned down a cameo in 'Scream 3' which eventually went to Carrie Fisher, and tried to get out of her contractual obligation to 'Halloween Resurrection' so that leaves me to think Jamie Lee is trying to leave Horror behind once and for all. She made 'Halloween H20' as a thank you to the horror fans so I don't think she feels the need to make movies that won't offer her anything she hasn't already done in some acclaimed classics. Having said all that, they are remaking 'Assault on Precinct 13', a Frank Darabont TV sequel to 'The Thing' and now 'The Fog'... they better not even think of going near 'Halloween' or I'll burn the down studio that considers it.
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Sorry buddy- Carpenter's no hack. The original Halloween invented the slasher film as we know it- except that it's STILL better than all of the slasher films after it. Also- he MOCKED his own movie Escape from New York with Escape from L.A.- What a hack though- you're right. After all he only writes, directs and scores his own movies. Toolbox.
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Ahem- he invented the slasher/STALKER film as we know it...
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B T I L C could do with a sequel considering the advancements in Martial Arts in film and CG effects. A conglomoration of Men in Black /Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon.
Surely Escape From LA was a remake? -
Why don't you go back to compulsively scat-posting in the Yoda Farts talkback? You're way out of your league over here.
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...of my entertainment gods, having made no less than five of my top 25 favorite movies (The Thing, The Fog, Escape From New York, Halloween and Big Trouble in Little China) but, as has been amply pointed out here, he hasn't done much worth a squirt since They Live (back when I was reviewing films, the headline for my very brief piece on In the Mouth of Madness read: "Carpenter's Mouth Sucks!"). He lost something along the way and remaking his own movies is not going to give it back to him. I'd prefer a thin-premised sequel to the original so long as it retained the terribly creepy atmosphere that made the first so great. And speaking of thin-premised sequels, what's this I hear about a TV sequel to The Thing? So long as it boasts an aged Mac Ready and Childs, still living by their paranoid selves in the abandoned wreckage of the Norwegian polar base, I'll tune in. And they should let Carpenter consult on it... maybe even compose the score... but don't let the man anywhere near writing or directing anymore. It would just be sad.
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Oct 28, 2004 11:38:44 AM CDT
It's set up at Revolution! Give me a fucking break with this he
by genro
Revolution buttboys. It ends after the merger.
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i'd love to see something new, not a remake. in the mouth of madness is my second favorite carpenter film right behind the thing (because i'm cuckoo for lovecraft, which both movies are heavilly influenced by). how about something new? i totally agree with the hollywood comment. something i've been wondering about for a while now. who the hell wants to see a fat albert movie? who wants to see a bewitched movie? who wants to see remakes of ju-on and the ring? pack your bags and board up your windows and doors hollywood. you're gasping for air and i'm not gonna be the one to give you mouth to mouth when you drown.
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I'm out of my league? Why not prove it to me and everyone else here- expert. I'll give you a few hours to work on making my statements on THIS board look amateurish before I start pulling your words out of your ass.
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Why wait? "What a hack though- you're right. After all he only writes, directs and scores his own movies. Toolbox." Apparently, if a director performs three jobs poorly instead of just one, he or she is immediately ineligible for the label "hack" in your book. Makes tons of sense. If you're an obnoxious scat-fan, that is.
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fuck the few hours- I'm not going to dicker with a fool who thinks that In the Mouth of Madness and Vampires weren't up to snuff with They Live. Yeah man I'm waaay out of my league. I'll just go keep your pound of wet leather of a brain entertained on another talkback board where you can drool over everything I wrote just like at the Yoda board. Get off my nut Doc- there's hardly space for your bloated mother...
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Oct 28, 2004 12:56:57 PM CDT
"I'm not going to dicker with a fool who thinks that In the Mout
by docpazuzu
Vampires? In the Mouth of Madness? BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
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Yeah he does his job so poorly. Maybe you're one of these clods who got all vexed because Carpenter started making fun of the movies you held so dear. Those spoofs probably made you look in the mirror and realize what a sad fanboy you were. The Thing is a great movie- you're right about that. But to shit on the guy who made the original Halloween- which is more nuanced and intelligently crafted than goons like you remember- which paved the way for like 50% of horror movies after it- that's just ludicrous- maybe you're the one who's out of his league- with reality. Been dipping into your own medicine bag there Doc- because you're obviously shot
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Oct 28, 2004 1:05:07 PM CDT
"Maybe you're one of these clods who got all vexed because Carpe
by docpazuzu
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! cocolopez, you're starting to sound like the sad fanboys who make up the most outrageous shit to avoid admitting any weaknesses of the Star Wars prequels. "Started making fun of his movies".... What a load of horseshit! That's fucking hilarious! Holy God, you're pathetic.
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like I really said something funny. Maybe you're a huge wrestling fan- and the site of Roddy Roddy Piper wrestling in an alley gave you a giant boner. It was a good movie- although it had the same bleak cop-out ending as Halloween III and the Thing where the movie just ends... but better than Vampires where a boozed up whoring James Woods tears the living shit out of a bunch of corny ass vampires? I guess it's a matter of taste- I guess I can REALLY see Roddy Piper running around with shades while a tired "aliens are among us" cliche plays on. Nah Doc- sorry. I don't see it.
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There is nothing wrong with that movie. Easily one of Carpenter's best and the low-budget feel adds to the atmosphere. All they will do by remaking it is add a bunch of CGI money shots involving the ghosts and the Elizabeth Dane.
Not one of these horror remakes lately has been worth a damn. Leave The Fog alone and make something original.
Harry, you appear to have Carpenter's ear. Tell him this is a bad idea. -
that you didn't know that Escape from LA was a spoof on the genre? I'm out of my league? Dude you sound like you have no idea what you're saying- I fugured you a little smarter than that- and that whole fake big drawn out text laugh thing- it isn't funny- it isn't annoying- it's just plain dumb.
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Oct 28, 2004 1:14:15 PM CDT
cocolopez, you're even more clueless than I could have possibly
by docpazuzu
HHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! "OH YOU MEAN that you didn't know that Escape from LA was a spoof on the genre?"...... "same bleak cop-out ending as Halloween III and the Thing where the movie just ends."..... Holy shit, and you call yourself a Carpenter fan? With friends like you, Carpenter doesn't need enemies.
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I'm off to lunch- I'm out of my league here. Out of my league with a bell-shoed clown who has no respect for a pioneer of modern horror, no idea of the outright intentions of some of Carpenter's films, no idea of what a decent flick is, and piss poor talkback rumor to boot. Go sic 'em champ!
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you see it becomes a cop-out the more that it's used- I know- it's such a difficult concept to grasp- The Thing was great with that ending- Halloween III Carpenter didn't direct and the movie was poor. They Live had the same ending and by then it was a cop-out. Hang on there doc- I know it gets a little brainy...
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it's been real Doc- don't burst a brain bubble there gator. also don't choke through all that brainless laughter. You might hurt yourself. Jeesh this wasn't even amusing...
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Cocolopez, being a pioneer of modern horror doesn't earn you the right to make utter shit for years and only receive accolades for the "effort." If you applied that same principle of yours to Star Wars, you would be defending Uncle George instead of making him the butt (pun intended) of your scatological pud-pulling fantasies. Yeah, go eat lunch, bitch.
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Having your ass handed to you never is.
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oh yesshh Doc I'll go runn off now like a good little bitch! LOL you got me good with THE FINAL WORD dude you're AWESOME. Anyway my Lucas argument doesn't apply to Carpenter. Carpenter's not making movies for babies and prepubescents when he's supposed to be making movies for fans of a film from the seventies. I know though Doc- that might be hard to comprehend too. Being such an extraordinary mind and all- The great DOC PAZUZU- Brainiest of all twat mouths. Hairiest of all Scum lapping bitches. Sic' em Doc!
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"LOL"?.... You actually typed "LOL" and criticized me for typing out the laughs? You really ARE my bitch, bitch.
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Oct 28, 2004 1:34:34 PM CDT
"Carpenter's not making movies for babies and prepubescents"
by docpazuzu
That's right. He's making quick, uninspired suck-flicks to milk a few more dollars from Hollywood by way of apologist morons like yourself, cocolopez.
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You had Carpenter on the phone and you didn't even ask him about the SciFi "Thing" sequel (and yes, they are calling it a sequel now, not a remake)?!? Is he involved with it in any way? If not, how pissed is he about it since he's been wanting to do one for a long time now? We want some answers!
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you like to take things I said out of context- yet you never correct your own mistakes- like you having no idea what "Escape from LA" is really about- or just how derivative THEY LIVE is in comparison to ITMOM and Vampires. and yeah- LOL is much more tasteful than HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA and all your other idiotic howling. When you hand me my ass I'll let you know. I fully believe in humility when humility is called for. You on the other hand have proven nothing in the way of taste, thought or logic. Here's a big red ball nose to go along with those clown shoes. I'm your bitch. LOL. You'd get tossed in person as efficiently as you're making yourself look like the mother of all moes. But that's sinking kind of low- I admit. It's unfair to physically taunt a mindless harlequin masquerading as a well-rounded critic. Doc- you never once proved my statements wrong- you never once "handed me" my ass- you never once got me spouting nervous bitch laughs like HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA or otherwise. You have yet to even make me think in a way that stimulating talkback should provoke. All you've done is made yourself look entirely oafish- and it should be somewhat funnier than it is that you yourself can't see it. What you even called me out for on this talkback is beyond me. You've scored no points. Maybe you saw me clowning people in the Yoda talkback and were dying to take a shot at me yourself- if that's the case boss- it's entirely your loss. I'm just- how did you put it? Out of your league?
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Thanks for stretching out the talkback on this just to make a single idiotic point... you the man...
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It's Soooooper Guuuuuy. Nice to see you. Hey I actually do apologize for stretching this talkback. However if you take your head out of your ass you'll see that this numbnuts started this shit. Must of thought I was famous from me and you going at it on Yoda. And soooooper Guuuuuuy- Aren't you more the goon for not having anything to say on this forum besides referring to my "stupid little point"? What's your point? Come on tell me. At least your leagues funnier and smarter than Doc Pazuzu... I can hear the engine of the "mental racecar" revving up now! What's your opinion on this Fog remake douchebag?
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You misunderstand me... I'm not out to play your flamewar games, nor start one of my own... simply irritated that thanks to you being immature with your little fun with Doc P, the talkbacks are all screwed up... oh, but you apologized, and that made it all better...
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doesn't it make the pain go away? Awww cute! Here you go little Sooooper Guuuuy- here's a little band-aid for that boo-boo! I know it's such a PROJECT now to read the volley between me and the Doc (which you obviously were)... But no you're right. Let's not start a "flamewar" or whatever you called it. Let's just all be nice campers. Let's be Sooooooper Guuuuuuys. It's silly anyway arguing with people who have no valid points- or any points at all for that matter. So I'll see you next time in a nice unstretched forum- where you don't have to work too hard to read the points and punchlines careening off of your pathetic skull. Tata Soooooper Dooooof
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Thanks for the graciousness you've shown me and everyone else reading this forum... you're truly an outstanding person...
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Was I supposed to? I just know for a fact that merely wishing a film to be a parody of a genre, or a sly take on earlier films in a director's oeuvre doesn't make it so. I'll bet you were always the kid who, when having been "shot" in a game of make-believe of some sort, said "Nuh-uh!!! I had this special shield on me!!!" The fact is, you called Nosferatu Jones a "toolbox" for making a perfectly valid statement about Carpenter. That's what started this. If I truly were "dying to take a shot at you" in the Yoda TB, I certainly would have done it there. If you had the courage of your convictions, you would have fucked off a long time ago like you said you would. All that good bye shit was just a feeble attempt to get me to stop beating your ass. Since I haven't, you keep on coming back for more. "I fully believe in humility when humility is called for."..... Well, how big of you. Go back to your frenzied masturbatory session in front of Carpenter's sublime critique of siege films, Ghosts of Mars. Unless, of course, you've rubbed one too many out before the splendor of Village of the Damned.
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...stretch out the fucking talkback while trying to convince yourself you aren't coming off like a punk, coco. Just goes to show the loudest dogs tend to have the weakest bites. From a talkback reader with no particular love for the Doc, I can honestly say he made you his whiny talkback bitch. And Carpenter's endings have always been Carpenter's endings. He doesn't deal in closure, but that hardly makes them "cop out" endings. The question is, at the "end" of one of his movies, do you wish you had the preceding two hours back? The answer, as you pointed out somewhere in there amidst all of your name calling, is a matter of taste. At the end of ITMOM and Vampires, I wanted my two hours back. You liked ITMOM, obviously. You liked Vampires. I'll bet you enjoyed the hell out of some From Dusk Til Dawn, too, didn't you? I once went out with a girl who asked me to choke her during sex. There's no accounting for personal tastes. No matter how fucked up they are.
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Take it easy son of Steven! You're right. It does come down to taste- and people who get offended if their tastes are disagreed upon are more to blame for being punked in the first place. By the way- you should have choked that bitch! I once spat on a girl while she gave me head- and it was real pleasure. Other than that you're talking real crap since Doc Pazuzu started this whole thing- I merely came on with an opinion and then Doc jumped out of his tangle of pubes like the giant dick that he is- calling my name. I know it's the "in" thing now though to hate on Coco- he's such a monster! Where's the petition to get Coco booted off of AICN?! Hey can I sign? No pity for me though- I'll handle all of you bobbing malignant prunish cockheads in due fashion...
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Oct 28, 2004 4:01:25 PM CDT
You're right that nobody these days can take the place of the cu
by frankdrebin
You have Renee Zellweger and Charlize Theron having to GAIN weight to play regular women. One of these days, the evil reign of the Gwyneths and the Callistas will end! Anyway, give Jennifer Connelly a call and see if she's ready for another genre pic yet.
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and I never said I was leaving- merely going to lunch. Were you waiting feverishly the whole time for me to return? You didn't even want me to leave! Writing this puke- writing that puke- oh coco don't go! Honestly though- you've never gotten the better of me. Don't let this gunslinging goon pull the wool over your eyes. He just wants to suck your ass because you made him look duck in another forum.
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Oct 28, 2004 4:09:23 PM CDT
"I'll handle all of you bobbing malignant prunish cockheads in d
by docpazuzu
I'm sure I speak for a lot of us when I say that statement consisted of more information about you than we really want to know. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you.
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My cock's in perfect health. I think that that humor came out upon learning recently that a friend of mine caught testicular cancer. I know- weird way to vent frustration upon it. Hey I apologize. You're not a malignant prunish cockhead. Just an asshole. And umm, guy? It's a stone cold fact that EFLA was a spoof on the genre. I don't know what your little boys playing cowboys and indians reference was all about- but upon skimming it made zero sense. You also never answered my point on the original Halloween. Here I was the whole time making valid points and all you jerks can do is spew garbage. and bitch this and bitch that. Jeesh is that the most colorful talk you can muster? Some critic. Lame as all get-out. I'll be sure to take YOUR movie recommendations into consideration.
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you obviously didn't read all my posts on the subject. I liked the end of the Thing. by the time They Live came around that ending began to get a trifle redudant. It's like the ending of a dozen stephen king novels where a talismanic object is produced to make the monster disappear. It was good in the Stand- and then it went downhill all the way to The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon. But I don't see They Live as a spectacular moment in JC's career. I'm here defending Carpenter- it's these assholes calling him a hack.
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Oct 28, 2004 4:26:06 PM CDT
"You also never answered my point on the original Halloween."
by docpazuzu
Excuse me? When did I ever say anything negative about Halloween? The fact is, some of his films -- including Halloween -- are brilliant. That was never the issue. The issue is you publically cock-punching yourself on the rest of Carpenter's films and ending up sounding -- hilariously -- like the Star Wars absolutists you so recently dumped on. Flailing about with the "parody" defense regarding EFLA is sad and funny in equal measure. You could just as well have said that midichlorians helped one-eyed Snake Plissken win that basketball game. Charming story about spitting on that girl, by the way. You're a class act, no doubt about it, coco.
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...I read each and every one of your posts (painful as it was) and I simply disagree with your assessment that, because Carpenter tended to use the same sort of ending on multiple films, the non-closure Carpenter ending evolved into some sort of cop out. It really is just his signature method of storytelling. He obviously doesn't believe in wrapping things (or The Thing) up with a neat little bow at the end. As you pointed out, neither does King, really. There's nothing wrong with that so long as the story that comes before said ending isn't short changed. For example, I think King's It! was a fantastic story up until the ending, which felt like a bit of a cop out (kind of like Twain's ending to Tom Sawyer). But the same kind of ending (one without real closure) worked marvelously well with his shorter, more manageable The Mist (which I agree is the movie they should be tackling instead of a The Fog remake). Point being, a lot of folks in this very talkback have expressed a distaste for Carpenter's stories... endings included... since They Live, to which you came out, guns blazing, in your very first post and tried to take them to task for shitting on the man who gave us Halloween. Doc's comparison to Lucas is valid (although I did not read the talkback in which you two apparently crossed lightsabers on that subject), in that many fans of Carpenter's early work feel he has sold himself out in recent years by producing material that barely seems to aspire to the levels he acheived in his earlier works on far smaller budgets. Your argumentative style is what's putting people off to the validity of whatever points you're trying to make. It's openly hostile yet simultaneously defensive, implying some sort of deep-seated insecurity in your position. You seem to think the louder and more ofensive you come off, the more unassailable your logic will be. And that might have worked in that most people don't tend to bother with folks like that. It would've been easy enough to ignore you (and your flame war) if you just hadn't stretched out the fucking talkback. Then no one would be ganging up on you and those of us who did read your somewhat relevant posts would be taking your opinions into account with everyone elses' instead of singling them out for derision. Saavy?
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Oct 28, 2004 5:25:04 PM CDT
Maybe he should direct, he has better success with Remakes, look
by mr. profit
The Fog was kinda lame. Boring. Not scary. He should remake Halloween and leave The Fog alone.
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If I see him I will fight him.
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1.) When you are wathcing a Carpenter film- you know it's a Carpenter film- when watching a movie by a "hack"- the director could be anyone. 2.) The fact that Carpenter writes, directs and scores his own films only solidifies the fact that he isn't a "hack". 3.) IF he was a "hack"- he would have kept doing Halloween sequels. Anyone knowing anything about Carpenter knows that he showed nothing but disdain toward the sequels. 4.) Carpenter's ability to spoof the very genre that fanboys craved from him is definitely not the action of a "hack". 5.) You don't just become a "hack" after making movies like Halloween, The Thing, and The Fog. If anything you may show disdain for the genres- and for the clamoring of sequels- hence his Escape From LA. 6.) A "hack" is routinely used by Hollywood to make any sort of picture- action, romance, sports "rocky" movie or what have you. People in general know what sort of film to expect from Carpenter. 7.) Anyone on the talkback who can call a director a "hack" should be able to take being called a "toolbox". 8.) Anyone being called a "toolbox" for calling a director a "hack" doesn't need to be defended by some lame crusader-type. 9.) Rebuttals are only valid if you yourself are making a coherent point. 10.) At no time during Doc Pazuzu's inane nonsensical attempts at argument was Cocolopez ever his bitch, his bitch dog, or anything concerning possession or loss of control. Pazuzu's only form of attack was copying and pasting Cocolopez's posts to adhere scrutiny- which was quickly corrected at each turn. Pazuzu himself has never made any valid points. His sole argument is that Carpenter has become a "hack" and that Cocolopez is "out of his league". Child Roland is indeed a child and is kissing Doc Pazuzu's uninformed ass for reasons unbeknownst. And now gentlemen and infantile asses- adieu.
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I read your post after posting. It was a coherent post and I humbly apologize for my last remark- but not for previous ones. Since you came coherently let me straighten my argument out for you to read in two posts. The first post is the previous one- and you can discard the ass-kissing remark. I have been soundly trashing Lucas on the SW boards- for he has taken a FRANCHISE from the seventies and turned it into a blithering romp for kids holding rattles- totally ignoring the fans of the original Star Wars. Carpenter on the other hand HAS turned on his ESCAPE from "franchise" if you will- but in an entirely different fashion- one more conscious of itself. With Carpenter- aside from ESCAPE- it is his career in question- not his franchise. True- Lucas career IS his franchise- but this is just further reason that there should not be any comparison. I just don't see how me trashing Lucas means I shouldn't defend Carpenter. In Doc Pazuzu's twisted brain he seems to find reason enough to take offense. Now I have properly shown that Carpenter is not a HACK- if any of you understand the meaning of the word. YET he is still a pioneer- a (what the industry people call) triple threat- and an uncompromising film maker- an ADULT film maker. Yes- Lucas may be a pioneer and all that as well- but since his career is his franchise (other than his co-work on Indy and his masterpiece HOWARD THE DUCK (jk)) he is in a different boat. Some people may feel let down by Carpenter's last handful of movies (I for one enjoyed Vampires and scores of people here will agree with me)- but is it anything in comparison to the letdown of the Star Wars prequels- which are so unintentionally bad it is ludicrous? That is another thing. Carpenter's films KNOW what they are. When campy- it is intentionally so. The same can not be said for Lucas' falling star Star Wars. Another thing is that Lucas can't stand the very fans that gave him what he has. He has taken the pureness of Star Wars and ruined it. Carpenter was dismayed at the thought of Halloween sequels. These are comletely different sensibilities. Now- a Fog remake- Is the original FOG so fresh in moviegoers minds that it is such a travesty? Surely STAR WARS the original trilogy is BURNED into moviegoers minds yet Lucas refuses to release the theatrical version and on top of that he keeps fucking with it. This is my argument. Doc- when you write something as coherent as my argument without trying to flame me- then maybe I'll think of you as something more than a monosyllabic moron.
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it's not scary in the least, and besides a marginally interesting opening scene, it's boring as hell
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...After your last chagrined post, I'd say Roland made you his bitch more than I ever could. Here's a tip for you, coco: adopting the third-person description of yourself in an attempt to seem righteously indignant and maltreated in some way makes cocolopez look like a complete ass. Calling Carpenter a "hack" is, as you well know, not in the word's strictest meaning, i e a director-for-hire like during the 1940s and 1950s. That definition of "hack" has been modified to also incorporate directors/writers who have been reduced to shadows of their former selves, either poorly copying their own previous glories for a quick buck, or churning out films/books which lack in every concrete way any element which earned their well-deserved reputations as innovators and revolutionaries in their particular fields. More pertinently, however, it's a derogatory term for filmmakers/writers who have devolved into a-dime-a-dozen representatives of their field. John Carpenter certainly falls into that category.
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oh just shut the fuck up already. Your reviews suck- your "modifications" of the english language are grasping at straws- your attempts at humor are just plain awful- your "you're my bitch- you're his bitch" barbs are redundant, tired, and devoid of color- your analogies to cowboys and indians are confusing- your self-righteous "defender of the peace" nonsense is corny and egotistical- your comparisons to this argument and the Lucas argument aren't in the least bit relevant- your tough guy talk couldn't intimidate a nine year old girl- your knowledge of Carpenter's intentions has been shown to be shit- your calling me out has proven to be more of a pain in the ass for you and more fun for me- your accusations have been way off base (ex- saying that I said I was leaving when all I said was I was going to lunch, saying that I was at the theatres for "Ghosts of Mars" when I never even saw it, saying that by me saying the ending of They Live was redundant that I was flaming the ends of the previous pictures, etc.)- your elongated "laughter" only proves what a nervous idiot you were while typing it- and these are only few of the things that make you a pathetic little mealworm. Doc Pazuzu- not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed- but still a whole toolbox!
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did I already say your reviews suck?
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...I must really be hitting a nerve there, to make you invent things like that. Please show me where my "reviews" are so that I may read them as well. "Grasping at straws". That's exclusively been what you've been doing during this entire flame war. There is one thing you could do to clear all this stuff up in a jiffy. Please direct us to a couple of sources, preferably originating with Carpenter himself, and most definately written BEFORE Escape From L.A. in which the intention of genre or sequel "parody" is implied. Note: any post-film analysis written by desperately apologist cine-tard cretins like you don't count. For the record, "And now gentlemen and infantile asses- adieu" does sound like someone fucking off. Alas, it was not to be. Not that I mind. You can be my TB bitch all day long if you want. There's a new Star Wars TB. I hope to see you there again, blasting Jedi fundamentalists and being utterly incapable of seeing how incredibly stupid and inconsistent you are with your bullshit revisionist theories about Carpenter's later work. Here's your gimp mask and ball gag. Run along bitch, I'll catch up with you later.
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...I never said you saw Ghosts of Mars at the movies. However, I don't believe for a second that you haven't seen it. I think even you can't defend that horrid piece of shit, so you lie about it instead of having to go into mental contortions in your defense of it, and consequently lose whatever shred of dignity you still retain in this TB.
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Adieu was from last night. woops! You fucking mongrel. And yeah okay- maybe you didn't say "in the theatres" but you still say I saw it- let me quote your failing memory: "Go back to your frenzied masturbatory session in front of Carpenter's sublime critique of siege films, Ghosts of Mars."- another mark for you- chappo! "Please show me where my "reviews" are so that I may read them as well."- "The Fog is a favorite of mine (as is The Thing), much due to the very original and creepy atmosphere of the film"- not much of a review, is it? Exactly my point. Piss poor pitiful performance. "Please direct us to a couple of sources, preferably originating with Carpenter himself, and most definately written BEFORE Escape From L.A. in which the intention of genre or sequel "parody" is implied. Note: any post-film analysis written by desperately apologist cine-tard cretins like you don't count." Hey- sure thing buddy- Roger Ebert writes: "John Carpenter's ``Escape From L.A.'' is a go-for-broke action extravaganza that satirizes the genre at the same time it's exploiting it.", from SFGate.com- "The movie is so cleverly entrenched in its sardonic style that Russell's toughest act must have been keeping a straight face.", from E!online- "filled with clever bits and knowingly cheesy dialogue.", LowIQCanadian writes: "John Carpenter's Escape from L.A. is a deliciously campy send-up of everything we love to hate about the Left Coast and the entertainment biz."- but hey jackass- I guess you're right- you're only a fucking squack on a talkback forum- these guys are actually paid critics- what do they know? ;) And if you want a pre-release statement from Carpenter about the intended camp it's obvious you won't find one- think he really wanted to let the cat out of the bag so early? Come on Doc- think a little harder. I know it's hard- stretch that pathetic feminine brain. Keep falling down that downward spiral champ. I'll still be here to point you out- the moe with the big red ball nose- that's him. That's Doc Pazuzu. Fact is- you're my little bitch. Always were. You've got chewy pink nipples, luscious man tits, and a gigantic undulating cunt. Go ahead- run to the next forum- you little school girl- run on now-
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Aside from any cheap quips that could be made about quoting LowIQCanadian, very few -- if any -- of the rottentomatoes reviews you scoured credited Carpenter with parodying his own movies and sequels in general. They pointed to the very obvious satire in the film (plastic surgery, fascist president, etc), but hamfisted satire of U.S. society was NEVER what we were discussing. The issue was Carpenter's parody of HIMSELF and SEQUELS. While we're on the subject, Carpenter's societal punches were much more subtle and clever in EFNY. In EFLA he had lost all sense of cleverness or originality. Face it, cocobitch, EFLA is just plain BAD. Your cinema God took a shit all over you (which you might actually enjoy, come to think of it) and you're bending over backwards to convince everyone how good it smells. And yes, I KNOW you've seen Ghosts of Mars. Anyone carrying on a crusade of apologist asskissing to the extent you are, HAS to have seen it. It's just so bad not even you can defend it. "not much of a review, is it? Exactly my point. Piss poor pitiful performance." I agree -- if I had actually "reviewed" the movie. What exactly is the point of criticizing my performance in an act I've never actually performed? And you call me confusing... I'll let you take the ball gag off just this once -- but only because you really need that dose of thorazine, bitch.
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http://www.webster-dictionary.org/definition/hack
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That LowIQCanadian is actually a legitimate review site. Check it out dickwit. And sorry guy- I know you keep carrying on about it- but I've NEVER seen Ghosts of Mars. Believe what you will. Also I've NEVER said that Carpenter was my cinema God or whatever you're referring to- he's not even in my top five. I reserve that to the likes of Lynch, Kubrick, Meirelles, Tarantino and Gilliam. You're just really clutching for purchase now, ain't you? Fucking little nutsnacking wadlover. unnnngggghhh... wait for it- unnnngggghhh- ahhhhh a nice refreshing wad of semen right down your little girlscout's throat... Jeez Pazuzu try walking a little straighter with those hooker stilettos...
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And thus, victory is mine.
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a. 1. Hackneyed; hired; mercenary.Hack writer
a hack; one who writes for hire.
- Macaulay. and that's what it's used as- there's no definition for hack director- it comes from the "hack writer" sense. A hired hack- used to produce anything without personal flair or touch. A "Wikipedia" definition near the bottom of the page almost agrees with you- "A hack is a person lacking talent or ability" but what the fuck is Wikipedia? Sounds queer- like Doc Pazuzu. Anyway to say that Carpenter lacks talent or ability is equally inane. You yourself claim your love for the Thing, several others and even They Live- was ITMOM and VAMPIRES really that devoid of talent and or artistic flourishes? Vampires may strictly be a matter of taste- some geeks may love their vampires so much that to see them disposed of in such a relishing manner may not be their cup of compromised tea- but ITMOM garnered heavy critical acclaim and had an original storyline mocking the insane fandom of Stephen King- but off the topic Doc- you look real cute with those pigtails... hoisten up that skirt now you spermburping little whore... -
...because your a nutsnacking wadlover? Hey man if it pleases ya
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let's pass around Doc's victory chalice. Be sure to splack a nice clammy nut in there, for the nutsnacking wadloving DOC PAZUZU must be sated- in honor of his victory. Here's mine- unnnngh! drink up champ.
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If your ritalin-deficient brain had allowed you to read the other definitions on the extensive page, you would also have seen "2. To use frequently and indiscriminately, so as to render trite and commonplace. " ...... as well as "to turn prostitute". And those are from Webster's, bitch. Among the other definitions are "(jargon) hack - 1. Originally, a quick job that produces what is needed, but not well." As for admitting in public that you don't know what Wikipedia is.... hoooo-boy... In addition to me and Roland, you may just have made yourself your own bitch, bitch.
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Oh man I never heard of Wikipedia! I must be an asshole. Wheeewwww boy! A person who produces what is needed, but not well? Just my point fool. Carpenter doesn't produce what is NEEDED- he produces what he WANTS. see the difference? whheww boy- hey guy I see that chalice is about full- drink up thy mealy mayonnaise. and oh yeah- that "your your own bitch" thing- it's just piss poor pitiful performance. Attempts to make me or anyone laugh are failed. Attempts to be acerbic have failed pitifully. Attempts to make logical sense have dwindled down into nothingness. WHEWWW BOY! I never heard of Wikipedia! That's right dildo breath- I don't live in front of the computer- only for this buddy- only for this- HEY anyone else want to contribute to Doc's victory chalice?
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Oct 29, 2004 1:06:52 PM CDT
"Carpenter doesn't produce what is NEEDED- he produces what he W
by docpazuzu
His dwindling "wants" are in direct proportion to his increased output of shit. Sounds like a sell-out hack to me. And yes, you are a bonehead for not knowing what Wikipedia is. Bitch.
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...fucking yourself repeatedly up your own ass, like you've done here, does make you your own bitch, but more importantly, the world's.
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SERIOUSLY MAN-
for real this time-
I'm done- it's been real. Keep lapping up that ball juice fella- gives you all sorts of perk- I love it when you get angry! Little testicle cupping jizz guzzler... Keep that tiara alive- you truly are the ruler... -
Carpenter needs to STOP making films, period. Believe me he is in my top five fave directors, but ever since Children of The Damned he has been on a shit train bound for toiletville. Mouth of madness, while flawed had some good moments (who could forget the kid on the bike?)
but look at his track record the past few years : the aformentioned damned, the atrocious and anger inducing Escape from L.A. (Hey let's take a film classic of unparraleled mood and atmosphere and let's make it a campy uninspired romp!), Vampires (don't get me started, I did not get a "mahogany" watching it), and Ghosts of Mars, his dumbest pic to date. This is a guy who has simple run out of steam? Why remake one of his OWN films? That defies logic. I've heard he wants to remake the Thing. Why do a shitty bookend to to the best horror film he (or anyone else) has ever done? I want to remember him for his greatest works (Halloween, The Thing, Escape, The Fog, and hell I'll throw in They Live :-))
But he needs to give it a rest and quit tainting his legacy. he had a good run, now try something else.
Also aybody know if he is seriously ill? He looks awful, pasty and emaciated. I hope he isn't in bad shape. I saw him on that 100 greatest horror movie moments on Bravo and he had this bandaid on his head. Just because I think he sucks now, doesn't mean i wish him ill.
A footnote to this: Anybody see his classic turd Body Bags on Sci-Fi? This was the beginning of the end for him. That cringe inducing moment with the bobbling eye glasses and him singing " I've got my eyes on you baby, oh yeah." I was laughing to stop my tears!! -
Oh shit I forgot to mention another fave Assault on Precinct 13. They're making a big budget remake of that too
Why?!?!!??!?!
The should make a moratorium on remakes, and force filmmakers to do original concepts. If they can't come up with something new, they need to fuck off and jerk off to project greenlight. it's getting pathetic.
No Willy Wonka remake! Jesus have we forgotten Planet of the Rape of a film classic?!?
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