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Gloria Tatlock sits down with John Waters and Selma Blair to discuss sex and A DIRTY SHAME!!!

Hey folks, Harry here with a tremendous interview between the radiant Gloria Tatlock and John Waters with Selma Blair. God I love this interview! Here ya go:

A Dirty Shame

Your intrepid interviewer Gloria Tatlock was on the mission last week to seek out some of the most outspoken personalities in town. The interview with John Waters and Selma Blair for their new film, A Dirty Shame took place in an immaculate conference room on the ninth floor of an exclusive hotel in downtown Austin. In the center of the room, a long oval table dominated with stuffed leather office chairs surrounding. Dapper John sported a crisp white shirt, striped pants and a black jacket which had smart white stitching. Selma was casually lovely in a humorous taupe top with a lightweight black summer sweater paired with jeans. Lit by two Austrian crystal chandeliers and bright windows with a beautiful view of our skyline, the room had possibly a bit too much pomp for the dirty interview which was about to take place.

Selma Blair: This is weird, it’s like a board meeting.

An Assistant: Would you like some coffee?

John Waters: Oh I’d love some coffee, black’s fine. You should see the Daily News article about our party in NY.

SB: Really?

JW: They’re saying they called out the police and that pregnant women were in the bathroom saying “I can’t go back in!” after watching the movie.

SB: Oh NO! What does it say about us? We didn’t do anything raucous.

JW: It doesn’t really say anything about us - but the article is like, stupefying.

SB: Oh my god, what is this 1950? I mean there was this one woman who was shaking afterwards that I talked to at the party, that’s like, “I’m SO upset!” I’m like, “Get away.”

JW: Oh please! About what?

SB: I don’t know, but she’s ugly too.

JW: But the outrage that - people had to go home and take a bath or need a towlette had me surprised. Then the Daily News went and called the liquor authorities and asked if it was legal, and apparently no laws were broken! [laughs]. It’s like a Joke. I mean it was about as bad as the Cockettes! It was hardly like…

SB: Lascivious, crazy, lewd. No it was very chic party. Oh well, I don’t get it. It’s funny.

Gloria Tatlock: Congratulations you guys that’s so funny.

JW: Thank you, so how are you?

GT: I’m good and you?

JW: Fine. This sure is a fancy little…

SB: I really like the view from my room. How’s yours? River?

JW: Yeah

GT: It is beautiful from over there. If you’re here during dusk, I’m not sure if it’s the right time of year, but bats come out from under the Congress Street Bridge en masse.

SB: Oh!

JB: No, Bats are good they don’t hurt anybody.

GT: Oh yeah, people line up along the bridge to watch them. I don’t know if you’re into bats.

SB: Sure, they’re great.

JW: I gave my father at his country house a bat house that you hang there that they’re supposed to go in, but not one ever went in. But how would you know, you’d have to under and peek, and who wants to walk into the middle of the woods and look up into a bat home?

GT: Well first of all thank you both for coming to Austin to premier A Dirty Shame.

JW: Well your thing (AICN) is amazing because it was the first review of the film ever. Yeah, it’s like a terrorist organization I don’t know how you do it. It always is, and I knew it that night when we had the first test screening “This is our world premier and Ain’t It Cool News is it.”

SB: How was the review on Ain’t It Cool?

JW: It was good. One thing on there was that it said there are scenes in this the MPAA will never let him get away with. And I said “Oh that’s so not true.” [laughs] He was dead right!

SB: Yeah, I remember that with you.

JW: I mean I thought “Come on.”

GT: You were surprised?

JW: That’s exactly the tone of voice the MPAA asked me in, just like that.

SB: Yeah

Together in a mocking tone: Are you surprised?

SB: I’m surprised! I remember Johnny Knoxville was saying, “There’s NO way they can show this stuff in a movie.” I’m like, God when did you become suburban? There’s no way!

JW: And I had to call them all that day. Do you remember when I called you? And of course Johnny’s like “YEAH!” But you know, agents and stuff got uptight about that kind of thing. I’m not saying yours did.

SB: Nah, they didn’t care.

JW: But you know what I mean. Sometimes they don’t know how to deal with it.

GT: Distribution is tough if it’s NC-17.

JW: Well I mean there almost isn’t, for G either. There’s really only three ratings. But the other ones [other movies] have that in their contracts they can’t get it or they won’t distribute or anything. I was just lucky that I have this great long relationship with New Line. But if I were a first time filmmaker coming here with this, I don’t know what would happen.

GT: Did you ever consider releasing it unrated?

JW: I couldn’t. New Line is a signature to the MPAA, they can’t release an unrated movie. No, sure, I don’t care about a rating. But unrated, they won’t take ads out, and I don’t think places like Blockbuster and Walmart will sell unrated videos.

SB: That’s so weird!

JW: Isn’t that ludicrous? It makes me so angry! But all they need to change it is one movie, for it to make a lot of money and then it’ll change their minds. When Pink Flamingos was the #2 best selling video in the country, when it came out for it’s 25th anniversary, believe me, it was never in Walmart or any of those stores. But they had it in certain neighborhoods in LA at the checkout lines. Which is really funny, as an impulse. Not Walmart, but West Hollywood and Chelsea

GT: Did you ever consider changing anything?

JW: They said I couldn’t! Oh I wanted to, I would have had to. They said, “We stopped taking notes.” And I said “Is it just the frontal nudity?” And they said no, that wasn’t it. But later when they listed everything...”

SB: That was one?

JW: Yeah.

GT: Of course.

JW: It was all of it put together. You know that’s the thing that every filmmaker most fears, that it’s not one thing you can cut, it’s the total film. Screwed.

GT: But ultimately I think it’s great, because you have this...

JW: I don’t think it’s going to hurt us theatrically. I think it’s, in a way whether we like it or not, a gimmick, it’s almost like a publicity stunt. I mean I didn’t choose it, but...

SB: Well it makes the movie even more timely. I mean it’s tells about what it’s like to try and speak your mind.

JW: The Neuters have spoken! I mean if there’s ever a neuter organization… they speak for neuters! And they said that to me. They said, “Our job is we’re supposed to say what most parents in this country think this movie should be rated. It’s a neuter life!

SB: I have no problems with kids seeing this movie at all.

JW: And neither would any kid.

SB: Yeah, it’s not going to give them nightmares.

JW: Except that woman in the bathroom in NY. She gets morning sickness and I get blamed.

GT: Were there any fetishes that you wanted to put into the movie that you didn’t?

JW: Uh-uh, there were lots that were too ugly that wouldn’t be funny. It’s a comedy. I mean like fisting.

SB: Strawberry Shortcaking.

GT: What’s that?

SB: [punches fist toward John’s nose]. Blam! Blood. Make-out. It’s like a little mean spirited.

JW: Oh now see, that one wouldn’t have been funny.

SB: That one would have given me nightmares.

JW: And also since with the New Sex Act, that would have been a little too similar. But no blood in this movie, even when they hit their heads. It’s like the Three Stooges. There’s no bruises, no blood.

GT: It’s really a very sweet movie.

JW: I know. It like amazes me that…

SB: What did your parents think of this one?

JW: Well my mother, before I even made the movie she said, “What’s this one about?” And I said sex addicts. And she said, “Oh, maybe we’ll die first.”

SB: [laughing] She’s so cute!

JW: And she said, “Is this going to ruin all the goodwill we’ve built up?” with her friends. And then afterwards they were at the opening and my mother said, “I hate it when I go to your movies when everybody turns around and looks at my reaction.” My parents were very conservative. My father said afterwards, “It was really funny and I never ever want to see it again.” [laughs] That’s a funny line!

SB: Hmm, that’s sweet!

JW: [to Selma] Has your mother seen it?

SB: No not yet. She can’t wait though. She really wanted to come to Baltimore. She’ll like it!

GT: You have a hilarious part in the film.

SB: It was a funny sight gag.

JW: No you’re more than that, because you get over the sight gag but she doesn’t get upstaged them [the breasts] and still looks pretty with them.

SB: Oh you’re sweet, I look a bit like a drag queen, you know.

JW: Drag queens don’t have that good of tits!

SB: [laughts] No those were extra special tits.

JW: They only have tape. You know they don’t have full, complete special effect tits.

GT: [to Selma] What was your first reaction when you saw them?

SB: The tits? I LOVED them; I wanted to play with them! I remember posing with them, you know, to send John Polaroids. We did a body cast to make these great ridiculous breasts.

JW: We did a computer animation to decide which size we wanted.

SB: Yeah we did a computer one first. We did a body cast just to see what my own… what size they could put on my frame, and I actually wanted them bigger. But this voice of reason [pointing to John], I can’t believe, would say, “Oh no, that’s too big, that’s stupid.” But I mean what is the difference between…?

JW: It’s because I’ve seen them in porn videos. Cause I’ve seen the real ones, and I know that there’s a thing where… it looks ridiculous, but I wanted to make it look like someone could actually have them.

SB: Right. And they have... well they’re a gag, but Chesty Morgan was kinda like that.

JW: But hers were real. Chesty Morgan is alive and well, lives in an apartment building in Florida, and looks pretty good.

GT: Those were natural?

SB: Wow, I didn’t know they were natural!

JW: Yeah that was before, she was in the early 70’s they didn’t even have that [implants] back then.

SB: Edie Sedgewick had implants since 67.

JW: Nah, she didn’t get them then. That was when she was with Warhol. She didn’t get them until later, years later…

SB: I don’t know, she died in ‘72 [Edie died in Nov 1971].

JW: OK, well I think she got them about ’70.

SB: They looked pretty rough though, they had a lot of scars and stuff.

JW: I think Chesty’s were real, and Chesty… she was in Fellini’s Satyricon too, they cut her out though. He flew her over to be in it.

SB: Yeah, I loved the boobs. I don’t think I’ll ever get that chance again.

JW: The thing is also they were incredibly light. If you had to have them for real it would be a nightmare. You know…

SB: Yeah, yeah.

JW: The fake ones are light.

GT: The scene where you’re talking about back pain, rashes…

SB: They were really comfortable.

JW: I got all that off of this website on breast reduction with the most common complaints, with every single thing you said. You get rashes and…

SB: I have a sister who’s very large breasted, Marie, and they would call her “Mammarie” in high school.

JW: Oh! [laughs]

SB: And she’s a real John Waters fan.

JW: Does she still have ‘em?

SB: Yeah, she still has ‘em. Boy does she ever!

JW: So she likes them.

SB: They’re a hit with the black boys, but other than that they’re too much for everyone else.

JW: Mm-hm.

SB: You know, she’s a lot of woman, ‘lotta sexy lady. But [laugh] yeah, I guess we’re half sisters [looking down at chest]. But yeah, hers hurt, that’s a lot of weight. Mine were awfully…

JW: Perky!

GT: You didn’t keep them after the movie did you?

SB: They get destroyed.

JW: You can’t. Once you get to the end of the day they looked like the wicked witch after she melted. Every day you had to start over.

SB: They looked like they had leprosy.

JW: Because of the lights, they didn’t have a shelf life of very long.

SB: Yeah, the makeup on the latex with the adhesive and glue and everything, they’d look like, you know, Phyllis Diller in 10 years.

[everybody laughs]

JW: Yeah, that’s exactly what they’d look like. It was like that disease you get where you look old beyond…

SB: Yeah, my tits had Progeria!

JW: Is that the name of the disease?

SB: Yeah. It was rough; they’d get ruined. It was a shame to throw them away, but I have a very small house. I couldn’t have kept a pair of them anyhow. [laughs]

GT: What did Ahmet [Zappa, Selma’s husband] think when he saw them?

SB: He had a good sense of humor.

JW: Oh he was lovely. They were so in love.

SB: Yeah…

JW: They still are. But they were freshly in love. He was lovely and the first night I took him to a male go-go bar.

SB: The dancer, this was a nice young man, fully naked in bobby socks and some dollar bills poking out. He recognized me and asked me if I knew what a baby bird said to its mom. So he pulls his foreskin real far forward, and as my husband says… Oh, I can’t do it; it’s too vile. I’m a lady… sometimes. I won’t say his wordage, his wordsmithery.

GT: Oh feel free.

SB: [in a whisper] His pisslips. [laughs] So he takes his foreskin and goes “tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.”

JW: Oh god, I don’t remember that!

SB: You don’t?

JW: Yeah, I don’t think I saw that.

SB: Oh my god!

JW: What did you say?

SB: I laughed! I didn’t know what to do.

JW: Did you give him a tip?

SB: No, I didn’t have my money handy, I was appalled. I thought it was sweet but weird. It was way too much of a look into someone’s urethra! [laughs]

JW: And this is her first night in Baltimore!

SB: But no, my husband liked the character. We were really kind of in our courting stage even if, I think, we were already engaged. Yeah, they [the boobs] make it impossible to have any like real make out sessions in the trailer, as some people might do. Cause I couldn't even reach him. My neck would have to go farther than my chest because they were really sticking out there.

JW: And that’s... think of women who really have them, all they can do for sex is titty whip.

SB: Yeah.

JW: Because they can’t even make out.

SB: Ah, well I guess they can lie down and someone can be on top.

JW: There’s a term for fucking tits.

SB: What is it?

JW: I’d guess…

SB: What’s the term for titty fucking? It’s titty fucking.

GT: That’s the only term I’ve ever heard.

SB: Yeah.

JW: Hmm...

GT: OK, I’ve got one that I didn’t know from the film. What is blossoming?

SB: Whoa!! That’s just one that…

JW: You’ll have to wait for the DVD, I tell you on the DVD. It’s the weirdest one in the movie.

GT: It was the only one that Ray Ray [Johnny Knoxville’s character] said NO to.

JW: That’s why, he knew it. You’ll have to wait for the DVD.

SB: Yeah, that’s a No Bueno!

JW: I’ll ruin the sequel if I tell you that. You can find it on the Internet I’m sure…

SB: The sequel?!

JW: Oh I mean, not the… oh here’s what would happen if there was a sequel to this movie they would, I don’t know they would go to another neighborhood obviously, and something would have to… I don’t know something spiritual would have to happen.

SB: Yeah! A Dirty Kabbalah Shame.

JW: [laughs] Right!

SB: We’d have to find new limits.

GT: Well for me the limit was the Roman Showers.

JW: Yeah, that’s a gross one. I don’t really know anyone who’s ever done that. I got that out of a book

SB: What’s that, throwing up?

GT: Yeah.

SB: Oh yeah. No, that would smell so bad.

JW: But really if you can think of anything, someone’s done it. Although I don’t know of anyone really feltching. I did see a porn movie with it though, so I don’t know.

SB: What’s feltching again? I keep forgetting all these…

JW: It’s when you fuck somebody up the ass and suck your own cum out of their ass.

SB: Oh I’m SURE people do that! That is not shocking to me at all.

JW: I know a lot of perverts, and I’ve never known anyone admit they’ve done that.

SB: Oh I don’t know, that just sounds common to me, that sounds…

JW: [laughter] How about hearing Patti Hearst say those words? After Patricia says feltching I thought, “How did this ever happen in my life?” She’s so... I mean we’re really great friends now and everything, obviously because would she have done this. And it just, it just made me laugh. Also when she holds a bottle of Rush.

SB: Yeah that was good. She had her daughter give me a penis lipstick. It was so funny because it was even vascular! You roll it up, you know and it even has all the veins and… oh my god.

JW: Well both her daughters are charming. One’s a giant model now and the other’s starring in independent films.

SB: Wow I didn’t meet her.

JW: Yeah, they’re beautiful.

GT: Is it different working with the people you’ve worked with for years like Ricky Lake and Mink Stole rather than Johnny Knoxville, Selma and some others?

JW: Well no.

GT: I mean, do you have a kind of shorthand working with them because you’ve just known them for so long?

JW: With Mink, yeah I do. But still I think it’s like anything, I mean we still have rehearsals. Mink has certainly been in all of them since 1966 so basically she knows the humor, she knows the timing completely and she’s pretty fearless about allowing us to make her look pretty hideous. In this movie she does look pretty hideous. That hairdo – women in Baltimore actually have it. Like male pattern baldness on a woman… but teased! And maybe that’s why they have that problem, cause they’ve teased their hair for so long, it all fell out. In my movies people look like that. [looking to Selma] You know.

SB: Oh my god, Baltimore was supposedly… people were actually bragging it was voted the ugliest city in the world, and…

JW: No, it’s the ugliest people in the world. Well, the least good looking, not the ugliest. We came in last on the best-looking. Not ugliest – least good looking.

GT: That’s terrible.

JW: It’s better than being second to the last! That’s Philadelphia. You never want to be second to last.

SB: I don’t know, Philadelphia…yeah. God they used to have Grace Kelley.

JW: There are cute people in Baltimore, but there’s just extreme fashion that you’re not quite familiar with.

SB: And it’s not a high fashion.

JW: It’s a mutant look, mutant fashion. Which certainly can be very sexy cause they never think they’re cute. Or sometimes they do and that’s even more alarming.

SB: Oh I think they’re cute! But they wear a little on a lot.

JW: Yeah.

SB: They wear a little bit on a lot of body.

JW: And this is the mayonnaise capitol of the world. You go over to someone’s house for dinner, it’s a lazy-susan with mayonnaise. [laughs]

SB: [laughing] I got a little chubby in Baltimore, for me. Cause it’s a lot of fried food and mayonnaise and stuff and it was just a bit much.

JW: And you go to flea markets in the middle of the summer and they have giant things of mayonnaise sitting next to you. In the hot summer – industrial sized tubs of mayonnaise sitting on a blanket – 75 cents! Sittin’ out in the hot sun all day!

GT: [covers face and tries not to think of the image as Selma bursts into laughter]

JW: [to Selma] But you’re from Detroit…and that ain’t Paris!

SB: Yeah, no...[laughs] but it’s a French name! Detroit [rhyming with Renoir]. No, yeah, you’re right, it ain’t Paris.

JW: And I mean I love all these great punk rock people from Detroit. Weathermen, and all these great people that came from Detroit. The head of New Line Cinema came from Detroit, Iggy Pop, Madonna.

SB: Yeah, there’s some pretty out there people came from Detroit. Detroit, though, isn’t a mayonnaise place. It’s different. It’s more like a Coney Island hot dog place. It’s not so white bread the way Baltimore is.

JW: We’re black. We’re Southern more, but we’re 70% black.

SB: Yeah, that’s true, Baltimore is pretty black.

JW: But we’re more Southern, more redneck. You don’t have a lot of rednecks there do you?

SB: Not in Detroit, no. But they’re pretty tough people.

GT: A lot of rednecks in Texas, but not too many here in Austin.

JW: Yeah.

GT: [to Selma] How did you get involved in the movie? How did you first…?

SB: I wanted it. I was friends with Johnny [Knoxville] and he was meeting with John and he told me on the phone that there was a part for me. I had met John years ago and wanted to work with him and it just didn’t happen, and um...

JW: Because you were doing a TV show.

SB: Cause I was doing a… Rub it in! [laughs] “Zoe, Duncan, Jack and Jane” playing a 13 year old sweet girl from New York City.

JW: Were you? You were 13 years old?

SB: Yeah, 14 in it. Freshman in high school. I was like playing the opposite of Progeria in my career! [laughs] But yeah, Johnny told me, there’s a role in there [Dirty Shame] and I know that John likes you and all…

JW: And what she didn’t know before she talked to him was that I wanted her anyway.

SB: Yeah, I had no idea, so it was such luck.

JW: But the thing is that I had a picture of her in the folder while I was writing it. In my folder, I would tear out pictures of her in all the tabloids.

SB: Aww. Yeah you do, you get every publications basically.

JW: Yeah but you’re in a lot of them. It was good though. That’s how people cast, because that really is how people look or laugh, it gives you ideas.

SB: Yeah, I gotta wear more makeup when I go out.

JW: No you don’t!

GT: [to Selma] You know, you’ve always reminded me of a young Jane Russell, you have that beautiful smoky look about you.

SB: Aw, thank you so much, that’s nice!

JW: I like Jane Russell, but her politics are really…

GT: Well her politics are screwed up. But she was a…

JW: Yeah, she was gorgeous.

SB: Was she?

JW: Oh yeah.

SB: Oh that’s nice, thank you.

JW: Look at How to Marry a Millionaire. She was so beautiful and Marilyn was beautiful too.

GT: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

JW: Oh that’s what I’m thinking of, yeah, with the swimmer and the ship.

GT: Yes

JW: That’s the one I’m thinking of.

SB: She got her name in the cement with Marilyn the same day, didn’t she?

JW: Yeah.

SB: I think so. Yeah, I had an album of hers, and…

JW: She’s alive though, and appearing at the Castro Theater in San Francisco by the way. But she’s so right wing, that if she starts saying that stuff… I don’t want to change the subject, but I don’t think they’re going to go for that. I don’t know if she’s done it yet. I think she’s like Anita Bryant. I mean not about gay stuff. I mean probably…well I don’t even know. I don’t know her thoughts on that.

SB: My God, maybe she’s lost her mind!

JW: Well, some of those old broads that were glamour girls, a lot of them were very conservative because they were the Hollywood royalty, you know. I mean they weren’t rebels.

SB: Right.

JW: They weren’t making independent movies. They would have hated that [laughs]. You think they’re walking up Hartford Road? You’re dreaming! Picture them at the Holiday House afterwards!

SB: Wow… yeah.

JW: The Holiday House would open up for us, that was our cantina actually.

SB: That’s true. “Where is everyone?” They’re there.

JW: At the end of the week when you’ve done five days, and you want to go out and party…

SB: At four in the morning

JW: Four in the morning. Or SIX in the morning, they’d open.

SB: It was nice.

GT: So it was all shot in Baltimore?

JW: Oh yeah. It was all shot practically in 6 blocks.

GT: Wow. How long did it take to shoot it?

JW: Thirty days.

SB: So short.

JW: And we came in on schedule and on budget. We planned it; it was planned so that we could produce it.

SB: So you finally did get it in at like 80 million?

JW: [pauses with a small shock on his face then laughs]

SB: [laughing] You’re expression! That was awesome! His expression… I’ve never seen him so surprised! [laughs] How much was it?

JW: [gives Selma a raspberry] I don’t know, 7.5 maybe. I forget. Whatever we said it was going to be, it was.

GT: Does this film have a lot of improvisation in it or was everything scripted? I mean there were so many one-liners that were just gorgeous.

JW: Thank you. If you look at the script of this movie, more than any other movie I’ve done, it’s almost exactly the same.

SB: Yeah, I mean, I’ve never worked with a director that’s this specific and that’s a lot to…

JW: I didn’t say not to though! You never…

SB: No, no, no. But you know, when you’re given what you are in the script, you don’t need to. It is so specific, and to see Baltimore through John’s eyes, and the way he puts his stamp on the script, there’s no need to improvise. I mean, it’s all there.

JW: It throws off the jokes. If it’s going to be improvised, I want to know what it was. And we would do that in rehearsal if we were going to change it, you know. But Stephen Dorff said the same thing to me. He said, “I usually always feel like I have to put my 2 cents worth in, but I laughed when I read it, so I didn’t.” And it’ll definitely be done at rehearsal, because that’s why we came in under budget. You know, you don’t have a lot of time on these schedules. I’ve gotta make my day, make my shot last. We would certainly try different versions, different readings. But yeah, it was pretty much the script. The only line I cut out of hers [Selma’s] was, “Think of the letter M.” I tried to put that in every movie, no one ever laughs, only I laugh, so I had to cut it out again. It was in the last one and the one before too! But I can’t ever do it again, because no one ever laughs, and it’s dead silence. It isn’t funny.

SB: But it’s so funny. It was like my favorite thing, and I was “what’s missing?”

JW: I know, but it’s so complicated. Just say that to someone. When someone asks you question, say, “Think of M, think of the next two letters, apply them!” But then they’re like,“M…uh” [laughs] it takes too long!

SB: But I mean it’s so funny!

JW: Even though it’s a simple thing.

SB: Well that pisses me off! That was the line that was going to make me a STAR!

JW: [laughs]

SB: That was my only chance, thanks. There goes my SAG nommy!

JW: “For your consideration.” Did you notice I put that in?

GT: Oh yeah.

SB: I loved that.

JW: That makes ME laugh! Cause that’s what it says on all, like, Academy screener tapes you get

GT: Yes.

JW: I put that right in the middle. And the only people who ever laugh are the people who are in the academy! It’s a rather small group of people.

SB: That’s so funny.

JW: Did you see that this year they’re sending everyone special DVD players that only the screener movies can play on? How much is that going to cost?

GT: I guess it’ll prevent pirating.

SB: Yeah, just for Academy Award nominees though. But it doesn’t prevent pirating for anything else does it? Pain in the ass.

JW: And remember when they did catch a pirate this year and it was this poor woman. Is she in MPAA prison? Tied up with three lashes tailing from Jack Valente? I mean she’s was 70 or something. It was because she sent it to her friend, and then it was pirated all over the world, but with her name on it!

SB: Oh!

JW: And they came to her house and everything! Academy officials!! “Who is it?” “Security…Oscars.” [laughs]. But I’m not supposed to be joking, we’re not allowed to joke.

SB: Are you serious?

JW: [shrugs and laughs]

GT: Well the whole movie, it’s a comedy, it looks like so much fun.

JW: Thank you.

GT: [to Selma] Were there any scenes that you had more fun in than others, that you just cracked up with?

SB: I don’t know, I’d get dressed and crack up. You know, when I put on that polyester Laura Ashley version on those big ‘ol titties, you know, that to me was so bizarre. Um, I liked dancing on the roof. That was a good moment.

JW: [laughs] At three in the morning when people were driving by.

SB: Three in the morning, in my underwear, people were... I just liked to see people, the crowd that gathered to see a girl with such huge tits dancing in her underwear.

JW: But we were trying to not let people see either, so we had stuff trying to block it. We didn’t want a photo out because we promised Vanity Fair an exclusive on her breasts! And they never…

SB: [laughs] Yeah, no we were good. And I was so afraid of heights too, so it was a little thrilling for me to be on a roof.

JW: Really? I didn’t know that.

SB: Oh yeah - terrified.

JW: How did you get up there?

SB: There was like a [makes noise to sound like a forklift]. A lift.

JW: But you didn’t have to climb up a ladder. [mimes climbing with huge tits in the way and looks at chest] “What is this?!”

SB: [laughing] Oh my god!

JW: You couldn’t even climb a ladder. There are so many things you can’t do with them!

SB: I know.

JW: Jump rope.

SB: I had to put my food, my plate, literally on my chest because the travel time was too treacherous. I’d have to sit a very strange way. So I’d put my plate over here [puts plate on huge ghost tits]

JW: [laughs] Well could it balance on them?

SB: Yeah pretty much. I didn’t want to ruin the adhesive though, so I really didn’t take too many liberties.

GT: To pull too muc

Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 27, 2004, 5:46 a.m. CST

    hmm....selma blair dancing in underwear....

    by satansteve

    >runs to bathroom< oh by the by, id say this is a first post, but apparently people who post first are complete and total losers, so i wont say its a first, even if it is.

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 5:48 a.m. CST

    and for the record...

    by satansteve

    in the last picture, harry is one scary looking motherfucker!

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 6:47 a.m. CST

    funny, I thought that was sarah michelle gellar.

    by scrumdiddly

    in that case, she's really let herself go!

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 12:58 p.m. CST

    After reading this interview, I am actually considering watching

    by jawaburger

    The preview I saw for it left me kind of limp, but that was a fun talk. I may have to wait for rental, because my conservative-ass town doesn't like to bring in the NC-17 moview.

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 1:09 p.m. CST

    Harry & Co: Please consider putting the speakers' text in diffe

    by Chastain-86

    I only got partway in. The lack of text differentiation made it extremely difficult to read and understand who was speaking at any given time. Making each speaker's text a different color should make it easier. Just an idea, and I in no way expect anyone to do anything about it.

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 2:45 p.m. CST

    That last picture

    by Spoons

    You know that seen in Teen Wolf, when Michael J. Fox is in the bathroom, and he's turning into the wolf, and he's kind of halfway from between being Michael J. Fox and the wolf? Now add 250 pounds.

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 3:52 p.m. CST

    If only...

    by Super Person

    ...her boobs really WERE that big... *sigh*

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 8:33 p.m. CST

    If her boobs were really that big...

    by Wanton

    She'd break her fucking back.

  • Sept. 27, 2004, 11:32 p.m. CST

    What, no Chris Isaak?

    by Neosamurai85

    Why is nobody talking about Mr.

  • Sept. 28, 2004, 1:37 a.m. CST

    didn't selma blair seem kinda...

    by scrumdiddly

    well... you know

  • Sept. 28, 2004, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Now now Wanton

    by Super Person

    That's not necessarily true, though yeah, she'd probably be looking at some back troubles later in life... but I'm quite the fan of enormous-but-natural breasts, and I must say, I've seen quite a few women of Blair's size with breasts that big, and they appear to be capable of standing upright with little pain... don't ruin my fantasy, man!

  • Sept. 28, 2004, 1:44 p.m. CST


    by Super Person

    Is it just me, or in that first picture, does Selma Blair look a lot like a mid-70s Gilda Radner?

  • Sept. 28, 2004, 10:38 p.m. CST

    Two things...

    by MrCere

    And I don't mean the tits:..............#1. What is "blossoming"? I tried looking it up in dirty on-line dictionaries. Can't find it. #2. Kids should NOT see this movie. What the hell are these people thinking? Let kids be kids. #3. Oh and one more thing. THat was toooooo long. A tape recorder doesn't make one a reporter. Try editing down the interesting parts cause I couldn't get through all that. Unlike Harry I do NOT love that interview.

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 12:09 a.m. CST

    The most disturbing thing I've ever seen.

    by MyNameDoesn'tFit

    Not the movie, that picture of Harry! ;)

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 10:44 a.m. CST

    Niccy, got some hangups?

    by Super Person

    Love the mocking tone... ;)

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 10:54 a.m. CST

    it's "harford," not "hartford" road

    by gernblanston67

    just in case any of you sick f#@ks decide to make a waters pilgrimage to baltimore. harford road is home to such noteworthy baltimore institutions as jerry d's lounge, angelina's restaurant (great crabcakes), mastelloni's deli, and joe's record paradise. GO RAVENS!

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 12:26 p.m. CST

    *SIGH* Another Talkback...

    by Pontsing Barset

    ... another hateful rant by Nicole21. You really are becoming most tiresome. Everybody better just acknowledge that you're right, and that there's only one point of view that matters (yours) or you're going to continue to spew vitriol on EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TB, huh? Grow up bitch. I know I know: I'm going to hell, but that's preferable to a heaven full of Nicole21 compatriots.

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Have I mentioned how I would like to do things to Selma Blair th

    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    HOLY FUCK!!! THEY GOT A WORKING "GALAGA" IN THAT FUCKING ROOM!!!! WHO'S GOT A QUARTER????? I SAID - WHO THE FUCK HAS A QUARTER!!!!!....And thus, fuck Ms. Pac-Man! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 2:54 p.m. CST

    Yes Nichole21, you ARE uncool...

    by Sidious-1138

    ...and it has nothing to do with you being a prude. It's because you hate just about everything and everyone that doesn't fit into your very narrow and incredibly naive view of the world. Based on the many rants you written in talkbacks, you hate homosexuals, sex outside marriage, liberals, democrats, feminists, non-Christians, environmentalists...I'm sure there are more but those come to mind. You realize, don't you, that about 90% of your fellow Americans fit into one of those categories? It must be tough to keep track of who and what to hate. Freedom is good for you but not everyone else. Kind of like in Animal Farm where they amend their rules to say "All animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others."

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 3:02 p.m. CST


    by Super Person

    I'd figure it was probably hard for someone as naturally flamboyant as an actor to not camp it up around John Waters.. he seems to bring that out of people...

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 3:35 p.m. CST

    Selma ....

    by Itchy

    What does her crack about Knoxville being "Suburban" mean ? She grew up in Southfield, Michigan for god's sake - it doesn't get much more suburban than that. I haven't heard her speak lately - has she suddenly developed an English accent, a la Metro-Detroit's other expatriot, Madonna ?

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 4:26 p.m. CST

    It's ironic Nicole...

    by Sidious-1138

    that you say "you" are used to vitriol, when you are generally the one spewing it. I would never call you anything on your reactionary list except a neo-con, which you certainly are. And being Catholic, I would never call anyone an "evil Xtian". I tolerate those with different views than myself, whether I agree with them or not. That's the point. You don't have to accept or like it, but here in America, you should tolerate it. That's real freedom. Try it some time. And btw, what the hell makes you think John Waters is an "Elitist"? That's just bizarre. His movies deal with the least elitie and most underground people in society.

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 4:38 p.m. CST

    I'm still trying to figure out...

    by Super Person

    I'm still trying to figure out why she thinks he's "self-loathing"... he seems to be a guy who's pretty okay with himself and his sexuality, unless this is one of those things where they say all homosexuals secretly hate themselves...

  • Sept. 29, 2004, 4:54 p.m. CST


    by Sidious-1138

    I think you've hit it about the self loathing comment. I used to think like and hang out with people like Nichole before I actally got out into the world to see what a bunch of bullshit it was. They think of gays as godless pervs who couldn't possibly have any sense of self esteem since they are just so damn evil. Also, repressed closet gays tend to hate themselves so they assume all do. Or something like that. It must suck to be so paranoid and fearful of just about everything.

  • Sept. 30, 2004, 8:57 a.m. CST


    by bushsux

    I love all these conservatives who claim to represent God and be the only religious people in our heathen land. They try to cite the bible and claim they live by it. Doesn't the bible say "Thou shalt not kill"? What about "Love thy neighbor as you lve thyself."? Didn't Jesus say that? So, if the bible says "Thou shalt not kill", why do these same religious conservatives say it's okay to go to war in Iraq? This isn't self-defense war, the Iraqis weren't going to attack or invade us, they had nothing to do with 9/11 and we know before the war that they had no Weapons of Mass Destruction. It'still okay to kill over 9,000 Iraqi civilians, I'm sure all of the people we killed over there were Al Queda members plotting to blow us up with their homemade nuclear warheads. You are a bunch of sad hypocrites who use the poor of this country to fight your wars. Jesus said "Love thy neighbor". So why do you people hate gays so much? Forget about them trying t get married and raise families, y'all won't even allow them to openly serve their country in the military! What about the poor? The bible said "blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth." Yet you conservatives insist on cutting welfare, medicare, medicaid and educational programs. Fuck you conservatives. I know I said Fuck and that's a sin but I can't let you conservatives be the only sinners.

  • Sept. 30, 2004, 9:29 a.m. CST

    Nicole21 hates her/himself and America.

    by Dog Of Mystery

    That is all.

  • Sept. 30, 2004, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Erm, Nicole? (I really shouldn't do this, as it will only encour

    by Alatar_Blue

    the simpering nitwit to make further posts, which we all need like a hole in the head, but, what the hell). Exactly which John Waters films have you actually seen now? I find it extremely difficult to imagine/believe that you would seek out such fare willingly. Or do you just watch things that you hate to "keep the old pot bubbling", lest your 'hate level' begin to recede?

  • Sept. 30, 2004, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Jesus H. Christ, Nichole,

    by Sidious-1138

    Get a grip on yourself! You are one of the most paranoid people I have seen. No one said anything about hating the poor feeble old "Xtians". Quite the opposite. Get off your high horse and pay some attention. The people Waters mkes fun of are the ones who make it their mission to interfere with the private business of others in the name of "decency" or "God". They can't stand freedom for anyone but themselves. And I hate to break it to you, but the elite in this country are the corporate republicans, who use your feeble old Xtians for their votes. They care about $$ and nothing else. Certainly not religion. The liberals are the ones who care about the poor and the rights of others. Perhaps if you weren't so divisive and hateful, and stopped referring to "your side of the aisle", you might realize we are all just Americans and people. The "us and them" attitude doesn't do anyone any good, because neither side can ever "win", just cause damage. People will never, ever, ever change. We just have to learn to live together.