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Review

John Carpenter's VAMPIRES

5-25-1998 1330 fcst (french cool standard time)

John Carpenter's VAMPIRES

Ya know folks, dontcha just love a paycheck? I never really have had a paycheck before, on account of my lazy no-count slacker ass, but this Planet Hollywood gig of mine, pays pretty good, and when they sent me my check this past week, I decided I needed to go see a movie.

So it was this hazy Mexico smoke filled day, that I awoke, and thought... "Hey, there's a John Carpenter movie playing in France that I ain't seen." Now usually when I have a thought like this, the fact I'm dead broke stops the forward momentum like a Mack Truck into a tricycle, but this time I checked my check book and realized hey, France was in my budget.

I caught a plane from Austin to Houston, then took that dang 767 AIR FRANCE flight to Paris. Now I'm completely uncomfortable on this plane, because well I'm in coach, I ain't rich yet, just reckless. After awhile I begin to get hungry, my stomach begins growling, people in seats around me believe that there is some sort of structural integrity problems with the plane. The stewardess (a hottie) decides to serve the meals. To drown out the stomach noises I listen to my John Carpenter compilation... YEAH!!!

This was a real meal, none of that roasted peanuts crap. It was some sort of slab of meat, really tasty, I think they roasted the dog that was barking when I came on the plane. After eating I dozed off. Hours passed, 9 and a half of em. I was woke up by the hot stewardess shaking me and asking for me to get off the plane.

Wow, I'm in Paris, this is kinda cool, I thought briefly about walking around the city, about taking all the sights, but ya know what, there's a John Carpenter movie that I haven't seen yet. So I find myself a copy of Le Monde, and try to find the movie section. The problem, I don't understand a damn word. So I'm stumbling around the dang airport like an american buffon (hey, that's funny I am an American Buffon) with a newspaper I don't understand a word of.

All the people look like they won't understand me, so I decide to find a cab, those people speak all languages and probably know a movie theater playing VAMPIRES.

Now, having been in New York, all the cabs there look like cabs, but here they are all Mercedes Benzs. What's up with that? That's like weird. So I step in the world's most expensive cab when the le dude looks at me in the mirror. I look back.

Then I say, "Me see Moooooooo vie!"

He just stares at me.

So I say, "Me see cool John Carpenter moooooo vie! Go!"

He just stares at me. I contemplate getting out of the cab, but then I'd just be at the airport. I wonder if they show movies at the airport?

"Cinema... Movies? Le vampires? John Carpenter's LE VAMPIRES?"

He just stares. So I begin thinking in French terms, as taught to me by my prejudiced film background. MIMES!! Everyone here understands them. So I begin miming a projector. He stares. Then I make fangy things with my fingers. He stares. I do that Lou Costello impersonation of Bela Lugosi from ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN....

And the cab begins moving. The cab dude is shaking his head and occasionally stares back at me. I smile. I think I did it, I smart am I.

He arrives at this theater that's got a big banner for JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES. I beam with pride. YES!!! I DID IT!!! YES!!! I hand money to the cab dude, and he smiles and says something, I think he said, "Est-ce que vous etes ivre" So I just say, "we we" cause that's what they do in the movies.

The cabbie drives off, smiling. So I just head on up to the ol le Box office. I hold one finger up, and she says something, so I push money at her. She gives me money back and a ticket. Around this point, I begin wondering if I'm being taken, but hey it's their country and I'm the stupid one here.

This was a cool theater. The Bretagne! It had a real curtain, little side balconies and a top balcony. There was a painting on the ceiling of a beautiful woman holding a sword, with clouds all around her. Cool. Nice ambience.

The curtains part, and the film begins...

JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES

To say I'm a John Carpenter fan is a major understatement. When I first read this script I began frothing at the mouth. There were rumors that the film would be directed by Rodriguez, Del Toro, Renny Harlin, etc etc... But when John Carpenter got it, my hopes went up. Why? Well ya see John Carpenter has been making pretty sucky films for a few years now, and as a Carpenter worshipper, the knowledge that good material was working it's way into his hand is fantastic.

So as the trailers were playing, I didn't pay attention because my mind was busy playing Carpenter themes, remembering Kurt Russell phrases and getting geeked out.

This is a JOHN CARPENTER movie!!! In that bubble gum and kicking ass way! In a lot of ways this is totally unlike any Carpenter film I've ever seen, but at the same time, it's everybit as familiar feeling as a town you moved away from.

First thing to say. This film is nitty gritty, none of that cream ball stuff here. This film is a manly man flick. It's basically about two friends that kill vampires together. And they don't kill vampire like you've ever seen before. It's violent as hell, horrific even. You feel bad for the vampires, like you do for the replicants in BLADE RUNNER, because it's just so dang brutal. When these suckers get hit by sun, it ain't no gasoline fire, it's a potassium fire, violent ignitive death. It would suck so bad to die this way.

James Woods is one mean motherfucker in this flick. "Ya know... you're a real pile of dog shit, (deleted to protect secret identity of S.O.B.)" "Why don't you come over here and take a bite out of my asshole" "That's it Padre, fuck with him!" "So Padre when I was beating the shit out of ya back there.. ya know.. kicking your ass... did that give ya a woody?" He is a dude ya just don't fuck with. You a lady, well, that don't save your hide, this one chick he was gonna score with, he slaps around, pushes to the ground and so on. This Jack Crow fella will take a knife to an innocent preacher a slice off a slab of beef for a sandwich with two day old moldy bread. His cracked up face, gives ya the idea this guy has been killing vampires forever, he's fed up with it, but he's too pissed to do anything else. This is a classic John Carpenter anti-hero type.

Daniel Baldwin is a big lug of a guy, the sort of person who's spirit animal is a rabid bunny wabbit. This is the overweight Baldwin, so naturally I like him. He reminds me of my friend RoRo. A big sorta fella that is just a teddy bear armed to the teeth in the most effective killing tools known to the world. He's a damn good character.

The Vampires, well they ain't all that pretty, but they'll be the height of fashion to the P.I.B.s of the world. When they come up out of their graves... well, let's just say, it's real cool. They are so bad ass looking. They are super-strong, and ya really don't want to be around them when it's dark, cause there ain't nothing you can do.

John Carpenter's score. Well, it rocks. It's less of the 'heartbeat' rhythms, and more of a cool Christine-y kinda sound, sans Thourogood. It works with the film, and for the first time in a long time he has a score that deserves the movie it's set to.

Just to let you know, John Carpenter is back with a bad ass flick that's set to give you a steel tipped boot in the ass. You'll yelp with glee. It is energizing as hell. The digital sound really put me in the film, and wow, this was worth traversing an ocean to see.

Well, now I'm just concerned that TRI-STAR will try to force some cuts, if I even hear so much as a whisper about editing it down, I'll go postal. This film is hardcore, for hardcore fans. Anyone think otherwise should just take a flying lead into the East River. Well, I have to go now, I have to find my way back to the airport and back to Austin. Hmmmmm... will I ever see home?

Readers Talkback
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  • Aug. 7, 1998, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Geez

    by Aaron Haley

    Ouch. France, to see a movie. I'm monetarily impetuous as well sometimes but there's just something about hopping a plane to France to see a movie that takes away that whole common man aspect. Perhaps soon you'll get a skinny sidekick, pehaps Robogeek, and you'll sit together in a theatre balcony being total pawns of the corporate movie devils. Sorry, just my opinion. Take it or leave it.

  • Aug. 8, 1998, 4:14 a.m. CST

    this was long ago...

    by Harry Knowles

    This was when I had a regular paycheck from Planet Hollywood Online and the world seemed rosey. Now, of course the world sucks and we're all gonna die, cause I ain't got a regular check! Harry

  • Aug. 9, 1998, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Vampire$

    by The Pretzelman

    I've been reading John Steakley's novel since I heard the movie was coming out. I hope the part where Crow first meets with the Pope is in the flick. That part kicks so much fucking ass.

  • Aug. 9, 1998, 2:38 p.m. CST

    How did you understand the movie ??

    by jeditoad

    Assuming that I can believe that anyone would hope a plane on a moments notice and fly all the way to France to see a movie, I would have to also assume that the movie was in French. And as you allready commented you didn't speak or understand a lick of French ... how the hell did you know what they were saying ???

  • Aug. 10, 1998, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Question about films

    by Dean Kleinhenz

    This may be a stupid question but where can I see these films you are talking about I love John Carpenter also and would be very excited, as you were, and plan an evening with my wacked out friends to see this event but I have never heard of these please let me in on the scoop later Dean

  • Aug. 10, 1998, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Vampire Trailer

    by Mark Cordy

    OK...Saw Halloween H2O, I'll give it a 7. But, the second trailer was for Carpenters' Vampires WOW! I got more goosebumps from the trailer than I did from H2O! This is an awesome trailer... Can't wait for October. Almost a reason to see H20! mark

  • Aug. 11, 1998, 5:06 a.m. CST

    Closing night at Fantasia in Toronto

    by Kris Frantzen

    For those lucky people out in Toronto last night was a great night. Well it did have a few disappointments, one being the reel for the Dentist 2 was never delivered from Montreal, so we had the director Brian Yuzna but no movie. That was ok, because early viewers got to see an advance screening of Vampires. For me I left at this time to watch it with a bigger crowd. But I did get to come back in a little early so we could speak to Brian Yuzna and get hid autograph. The other funny thing is that Richard Stanley (director of Hardware) was in attendance as well. Well lets get to the movie Vampires. This movie was beautiful. I loved it. The cast was great, James Woods doing a great job as a bad ass, and Thomas Ian Griffith as a very believable vampire. Daniel Baldwin was good, and very likeable. The movie was shot WONDERFULLY. John Carpenter knows how to use a camera. Just the shots got me excited. KNB effects group did a wonderful job on this movie. The movie was just damn good. I am not sure if it was the uncut version, but it was still good. I think it could have been a bit longer because it went by sooooo fast. I was so happy to see this movie on hte closing night. For those people who went to see ti, after the movie was the closing night party across the street at a local pub. Two of my friends went over to it and just drank and chatted with some of hte fans and directors. One friend and I had a huge discussion with Brain Yuzna took up most of the party. Then we talked to Michael Wong, a wonderful HK actor that was in Beast cops and Legacy of Rage. We asked him what he was doing next and he said he just finished the new Van Damme movie Knock-Off. David Wu, the editor from the Killer was there and he is just a nice guy. While i was there, I was recognized by the person from Phantasm (I still have no idea how he recognized me) but he was a nice guy. The whole night was wonderful, and hope more people can put there reviews up because this movie was amazing.

  • Aug. 11, 1998, 7:30 a.m. CST

    NA Premier Vampires in Toronto

    by Beaner

    He hit it on the nail. Vampires was AWESOME! James Woods was the grittest I have ever seen him and boy did it suit him. It was a great movie... However I found ther to be many Dusk to Dawn/Tarintino overtures.... Call me crazy.. The cinematography was exquisite, beautifully filmed. Great movie... It was nice to see it uncut...Chances are when it actually reaches our mainstram theatres here in Ontario it will be so cut ( to protect us frail and easily influnced Canadians) that it wont be the same movie. All in all a great movie.

  • Aug. 12, 1998, 1:09 p.m. CST

    vampires

    by mp

    Just saw a Canadian print and I don't believe it was cut - it was violent and gory just as it should be. For those of you who live in Ontario I think it was rated Restricted meaning no cuts. And for anyone afraid of a techno soundtrack don't be, the music was Carpenter's.

  • Aug. 14, 1998, 10:16 p.m. CST

    Vampires

    by Jack McBastard

    ok, well, i guess this "mini-review"/overall impression of the latest Carpenter flick may be coming in a little late, but i figured i deserved to post it. why did i DESERVE to post it? well..seeing as how i heard of the North American premeire of Vampires had Toronto as the host city (just over a month ago), i have since (to the point) been painfully hurting to see this film. unable to grab a festival pass (lack of funds and transport, overall travel to Bloor cinema takes 3hrs from my place)... i got to the theatre at approx. 2-3pm, the movie starting at 9. i waited, and waited impatiently in line once it formed, mildly amused at all the "hipsters" clothed in goth wear making their way behind myself. enough of me, here's why i did not feel the least bit satisfied with this film (in point form).... it lacked atmosphere, tension, and decent character construction. the script was wretched enough to be credited under Akiva Goldsman, as far as i'm concerned. when i think of vampire film, i think Near Dark, Interview with the vampire - why? because those films had me believing that i was watching a piece of somebody's fucked up existence, not questioning the motives behind the creative reasoning of such bile... its not all bad, though, woods was less than brilliant, but still impressive, special effects were good - not fantastic, and the score belonged in another film, but suited this one fine - seeing as how it was the highlight. geez, well there's always Blade (please don't suck....)

  • Aug. 15, 1998, 7:51 a.m. CST

    vampires

    by jaxstor

    pretty obvious that the fruit before did not see vampiers...lacked atmosphere....? the photography and score gave the film an spookey gothic feel that transcended the budget...easily the best horror film i have seen in years....you did not see the film...maybe you are wesly snipes trying to keep his career a float....vampires rocks....much better than near dark or dusk till dawn...the scene where the vampires rise from that red river bed against a redened sky is a classic

  • Aug. 16, 1998, 7:52 a.m. CST

    oddly enough.....vampires

    by Jack McBastard

    this would be the "fruit" that the ever graceful and articulate JAXSTOR referred to in his overly in-depth overview of my comments concerning Vampires. well, jaxstor, no offense but, i hope soon enough, i'll be able to call you a veggie (the whole deal, including bag-on-hip)...and, allow me to introduce you a little thing that would put the free country above the rest in the world......free speech, and a right to ones own opinion. p.s. - i do agree that Dusk Til Dawn was worse than Vampires (can we still be friends.....?) ;)

  • Aug. 16, 1998, 1:40 p.m. CST

    lupo...your right

    by jaxstor

    I'm sorry......did not mean to sound like a jerko....nor should I have worded it that why....This film grapped me by the balls much like evil dead did all those years ago...just having fun...by the way i loved Near Dark but did not like Interview....take care

  • Aug. 18, 1998, 12:58 a.m. CST

    VAMPIRES review

    by Matt

    I was just fuckin' around on the Internet Movie DataBase and, after looking up stuff on The Faculty, I somehow linked into the Vampires page. I found my way (duh) to your review and was expecting a ho-hum poo-poo about the flick with a few interesting nuggets. I was glad to find a review written in a "human" voice that not only talked about the movie, but about the experience of seeing the movie. From expectation to trans-atlantic journey, I just thought I'd let you know I dug your review. - Your neighbor to the North (about 3 1/2 hours up 35 in Dallas), Matt

  • Aug. 20, 1998, 1:05 a.m. CST

    J.C's Vampires

    by chris

    Can anyone tell me where on the web I can see the Vampires trailer?

  • Aug. 22, 1998, 8 a.m. CST

    Hey, Knowles

    by Brent Nolan

    You didnt like the last few carpenter flicks? how come? the last carpenter flick that disapionted me was prince of darkness and ive liked just about all of them before and after it. im probably one of five or so people who liked escape from L.A. better than the first one. carpenter brought some class to what would otherwise be a crappy update of village of the damned (turned it into great, corny fun, in my opinion). in the mouth of madness is one of my favorite horror movies made in the 90's (love that classic carpenter apocalyptic ending). o.k., memoirs of an invisible man sucked, but i dont think that was carpenters fault. so what gives, buddy? what didnt you like about the last few? take it easy cheesie, Brent N.

  • Aug. 23, 1998, noon CST

    Paris is the capital of movies!!

    by Axuve

    Going to Paris for a movie is obsessive - I like it! Paris is the best place in the world for a movie-buff. Every week there are hundreds of different movies playing: classics, new releases, retrospectives. You could have a full movie education after a few months. Next time you're there the best thing to do is to buy a weekly entertainment guide at any news-stand, similar to Time-Out guides.

  • Aug. 23, 1998, 8:23 p.m. CST

    Escape from LA is atrocious

    by gary2012

    As a life long Carpenter fan (seriously I saw Halloween, and The Fog when I was about six) and a major fan of Escape From New York I was seriously disturbed to read that someone actually liked Escape From LA, much less liked it more than the orignal. Well I guess Brent N. can like what he wants, but I think that Escape From LA was one of the worst films ever made. What would have been wrong with The Further Adventures of Snake Pliskin with him involved in some other story like a war or something rather than just a bad (really really bad) retread of a great film and idea? The WORLD CODE that shuts off electricity? COME ON!!! At least Joel Hodgesons version of the idea of shuting off all elctricity would be funny if it could ever be finished.

  • Aug. 26, 1998, 8:16 a.m. CST

    Vampires

    by Marty

    I got a chance to see Vampires at it's North American Premier in Montreal. (And meet John Carpenter in person! Got a poster signed...) I really did like it, everything from the score to the background to the point of the movie: You gotta be badder than the baddest to kick the baddest's ass. It was fun all the way, and I truly loved the way slaying went on. This isn't like Interview, this movie is just about the Hunters, usually thought of as Buffy. Ick. Hopefully this movie will have the effect on pop culture other JC movies have had. (He's responsible for Scream and X-Files) I'm hoping nothing gets cut out, but I'm checking OCT 30 (It's release date) just to be sure. I am just sooo glad that this movie isn't like Blade (a music video with fight scenes)

  • Aug. 26, 1998, 11:10 a.m. CST

    John Stakleys VAMPIRE$

    by PAWI

    I read the book of this mvie years ago and have always thought it would look great on the big screen. Do you have any info on when it will be out on the states. Please keep me informed of the development I highly recommend the book also very well written. Good site. Thanx

  • Sept. 2, 1998, 1:22 p.m. CST

    a new film

    by Jennifer Lee williams

    Hi , well I was just a extra in a movie called " ten things I hate about you" it is a recreation of the book " taming of the shrew" it was filmed in june '98 at tacoma washington, in at high school which resembles a 16th cen. castle , the movie stars , that chick from alex mac, the guy from third rock from the sun( the youngest one), and andrew keegan, and the person who did the special effects for this movie was the same person who did the special effects for John C. vampires

  • Sept. 4, 1998, 8:49 p.m. CST

    sorry

    by James

    sounds like a cool movie

  • Sept. 5, 1998, 8:43 a.m. CST

    Trailer Found

    by Brent Nolan

    two months 'till vampires! cant wait, cant wait! anyone who aint yet seen an advanced screening of it in paris or at a film fest can find a trailer for it at www.petesmoviepage.com i watched it for the first time this morning. yee-haw! kick-ass! and the manson music was a nice little bonus. "you drive a stake right through its heart!". ooooh baby! take it easy cheesies, Brent N. P.S. everyone who thought escape from L.A. sucked is wrong. thats okay, though. everyone makes mistakes. now go watch it again so you can wallow in your wrongness. everyone who said it was cornball i say "gosh, you think so?". duh. whats wrong with a little cheese, anyhow?

  • Sept. 6, 1998, 7:37 p.m. CST

    Carpenter didnt write it

    by Brent Nolan

    dont know what you mean, dog boy. carpenter didnt write the screenplay adaption for vampires, hes just directing it. i doubt the content of the movie would change much depending on who is directing it. maybe carpenters other films werent strong character studies, but i doubt that he would take the screenplay the studios gave him and turn all the characters into one dimensional morons unless it was intentionally written that way. have you read the screenplay and know something i dont? i havnt read the book or screenplay so ill be going into this movie fresh, just the way i like it! take it easy cheesie.

  • Sept. 12, 1998, 9:23 a.m. CST

    John Steakley....

    by Buckaroo Banzai

    is a phenom of sci-fi writing. He's amazing. The book Vampire$ was well though out and crafted beautifully, but his other book, Armor, will blow the doors off of anything written in the last ten years (with the possible exception of Tim Powers's Last Call() and, of course, the main characters names are (surprise) Jack Crow and Felix. I guess he just likes those names. Question: Has he written anything else? What's is called? "Lithium is no longer available on credit" Buckaroo Banzai

  • Sept. 13, 1998, 2:49 p.m. CST

    john carpenter vampires

    by michael

    I also had the pleasure of seeing this movie in Paris. After carpenters previous efforts "damned" and "madness" this was a pleasant surprise. James woods is brilliant as Crow. Im glad I wasnt going to see Snake plisken chasing vampires in Mexico. The vampires are brilliant especially the lead. I just hope there is some big wig in the UK willing to show it. Yes I am a John Carpenter fan.

  • Oct. 14, 1998, 5:59 p.m. CST

    Vampires soundtrack

    by Mark Cordy

    In the November issue of "Movieline", there is an ad for the Vampires soundtrack. Quote from ad... "Carpenter's score features orchestral motifs interpolated with testosterone-charged blues-rock,courtesy of the Texas Toad Lickers, a band put together and led by Carpenter (on guitar), featuring rock legends on the order of guitarist Steve Cropper, bassist Donald "Duck" Dunn, drummer "Bucket" Baker and the master of anything-with-strings, Jeff "Skunk" Baxter." I saw the trailer in the theater...cant' wait!!

  • Oct. 31, 1998, 5:55 p.m. CST

    John Carpenter's Vampires

    by Rebel Scum

    I just saw this film a scant few hours ago in a great movie theatre called Silver City. Stadium seating and big, wide screens, and great sound. Anyways, I got the Vampires soundtrack the night before, but I waited till I'd seen the movie to listen to it. Needless to say, Vampires was an excellent film, James Woods rocks the casbah with his portrayal of Jack Crow! I enjoyed every bit of this movie especially the soundtrack. Vampires gets five & a half stakes!

  • Nov. 1, 1998, 8:48 p.m. CST

    VAMPIRES wasnt bad...

    by chris

    i saw it yesterday at a midnight showing (only one i could make). i was expecting it to be a kickass movie, but i went home thinking about how much of a better vampire movie I could make. i mean, it wasnt john's worst, but it sure wasnt his best. there were some problems with the script, it needed some more action sequences, the music was too slow (bitch me out for that one will you) and woods' "woody" one liner got so beat up after its first use. this movie couldve been GREAT, but in the end, it was only good. but who am i to complain. it WAS the best film IVE seen in a theature since saving private ryan ( i think...there may be something im forgetting)...

  • Nov. 3, 1998, 1:25 p.m. CST

    vampires...sigh

    by Christian

    nobody, but nobody is more of a cheerleader for john carpenter than me (except all of you others out there) but jeesh. 'vampires' is a huge disappointment. i saw it in paris too, and i was as excited as harry must have been. but after the kick-ass opening, we're left with typically incoherent carpenter narrative and repulsive heroes. all carpenter had to do was at least look at the book and pull one scene out: where crow confronts the pope. this would have been john carpenter's tarantino moment. but no. in typical auteur style, he wastes the book to devote 90 minutes to half-hearted scenes of mayhem. what rapid fire editing? where's carpenter's great widescreen compositions? where's a moment of humanity? to see cheryl lee treated like a piece of meat and the wimpy priest smacked around by james woods is entertainment? combined with the lamest climax to a horror movie i've seen in some time. great music, a couple cool action scenes, and another sad sign that carpenter doesn't care too much about making movies anymore....

  • Nov. 6, 1998, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Vampires suck(obviously)

    by Rev Jim

    Okay, I love Carpenter as much as the next guy(even Christine rates right up there with me) but this was just a wasted opportunity. It started out great, kick ass, right up until Woods and Baldwin escape Valek. But it doesn't follow through on the momentum. The middle drags big time, the ending is a mere shadow of the opening(and why doesnt the hooker burn in daylight?), and its just too grim. If a little light hearted humour was injected into the mix, it wouldve been easier to take. Two hours of unimaginative misogynistic one liners gets old quick. Im all for serious horror films, but the plot is so bare, this film needs humour!!Although "How do you like your stake, bitch?" is a great line, I admit, there were too many missing elements to make this film a whole.

  • July 30, 2001, 1:46 p.m. CST

    HOLY SHIT! My Very first AICN Article.

    by Foreskin_Jones

    It's still around. *Sigh* Nostalgia. Anyway this review was what got me hooked on this site, and I have come back to say that after this movie was released I lost respect for Mr. Knowles in terms of reviews, he is still a cool guy but this film sucked the sweat of a mule's scrotum. Oh and a contributor by the name of Moriarty will become a regular in about a Year and a half.

  • Damn killjoy!

  • Feb. 13, 2005, 7:55 p.m. CST

    Yeah you miserable piece o' shit Orcus!

    by SaintofKillers

    As my Grandpappy used to say to me when I was two and would point to things and loudly state what they were "If you cant say anything interesting, shut your damn mouth". How about it Orcus, will you, for my dear old Grandad? NB: I know Orcus wasn't techincally talking, but since I hate him, I'll let it slide.

  • May 16, 2007, 7:30 a.m. CST

    What a coincidence orcus...

    by Quintus_Arrius

    I fucked your mum (up her arse) last week. Did she tell you all about it?

  • May 16, 2007, 7:31 a.m. CST

    Oh... and last!

    by Quintus_Arrius

    !

  • May 16, 2007, 7:38 a.m. CST

    Screw your mum Orcus...

    by Quintus_Arrius

    ..oh wait, I did that already.... And thus, I must get a blood test...

  • Nov. 20, 2008, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Orcus remembers this

    by orcus

    Orcus is now actually cool with QA in the future. BELIEVE IT, OR NOT! Where is Jack Palance when you need him?