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Brilliant Hollywood ReMake Idea #209495930

Hey folks, Harry here... Ya know, sometimes, Variety is the funniest damn read in the world. Today is definitely one of those days.

The powers that be have decided to begin developing a remake of Cecil B Demille's THE TEN COMMANDMENTS. Which was in turn a remake of his own TEN COMMANDMENTS, and which Dreamworks essentially remade a few years back as their first animated feature with, THE PRINCE OF EGYPT.

Ok, this is obviously one of those kneejerk responses to the heavenly grosses of THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST, and other than Revelations, the best special effects in the Bible are contained in the telling of the story of Moses which Demille entitled, THE TEN COMMANDMENTS for audiences around the world.

Now, my question is this... what sort of 10 COMMANDMENTS are they gonna deliver... They can't do the PG version, that's what Demille and Dreamworks did so well... so are they gonna go THE PASSION route? I mean, Jesus bled a lot, but Moses turned the entire Nile into a river of blood. I can't wait to see the festering boils on the skins of the Egyptians Aristocracy... or the Frogs and Locusts.... the Angel of Death / Passover sequence will be magnificent looking... BUT - here's the problem. Obviously the effects will blow the original's away... I recently saw it on the Paramount Theater's big screen here in Austin... and the bright blue glow lines around all the actors in front of those gorgeous matte paintings... well, I don't think that was the power of God.

Can they find actors as iconic as Charlton Heston.... Yul Brynner... Edward G Robinson... Vincent Price.... or what about JOHN DEREK? Heh. Or women as yummy as Debra Paget or Anne baxter or Yvonne De Carlo? But seriously... Moses is Charlton Heston in my memory. Yul is Rameses. The costume design, score, cinematography and acting are so iconically burnt into the conciousness of almost all American filmgoers that ... well, will audiences hunger for a new version that is about "better special effects?" I mean, this is being produced by one of THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW producers and written by Charles Randolph, an ex-Philosophy Professor, who wrote THE LIFE OF DAVID GALE and the upcoming Sydney Pollack directed Nicole Kidman starring film, THE INTERPRETER.

But be prepared faithful readers... after Gibson's PASSION, we're going to see other religious epics come back... THE TEN COMMANDMENTS has the scale of Lord of the Rings with the religious doctrine of The Passion of the Christ. The only actor that can say, "BEHOLD, THE HAND OF GOD," as cool as Heston is Samuel L Jackson... and I don't think they're gonna cast him. Yeah, that's how to remake it, QUENTIN TARANTINO'S THE TEN COMMANDMENTS!!! Watching Sam throw down the wrath of God upon those punishing his people would definitely put the coolness factor in, but they'll probably go for a young sexy Moses... I know, ASHTON KUTCHER!!! Heh... Boy, talkback is gonna be a bitch on this one... Bring in Uma as Nefretiri, Michael Madsen as Rameses, Bridget Fonda as Lilia. Pam Grier as Sephora! Oh man, this'd kick ass! hehehehe...

Readers Talkback
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  • July 13, 2004, 5:01 a.m. CST


    by Boxclocke

    I am a sad person.

  • July 13, 2004, 5:07 a.m. CST


    by taxman2001

    I just cannot get excited about anything that's been said in the above report whether it be about the idea of the film being remade or Harry's glowing review of the original. Not interested one way or the other. Must be a very slow news day, eh Harry ...?

  • July 13, 2004, 5:18 a.m. CST

    the above/below posters are right...

    by Mr Chuff

    who gives a shit?

  • July 13, 2004, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Frogs, Locusts, and Boils, OH MY!

    by John Anderton

    The plagues could be cool. The parting of the waters could be cool... other than that? Bleh...

  • July 13, 2004, 5:27 a.m. CST

    All about the money

    by Leo Sagittarius

    I can hear the studio now -- "Gibson was right -- this 'Bible' thing is hot -- Ben Affleck for Moses!" Aargh.

  • July 13, 2004, 5:33 a.m. CST


    by Gere's Gerbil

    What a bunch of fucking idiots! I can't believe you deliberately didn't report this accurately so you could go on and on in mock wonderment as to how the subject matter would be handled just to have a story angle. Christ! AICN is better than that - or at least it should be. This story (as I'm sure you already know) actually came from Tuesday's Hollywood Reporter. The trade reported that Gordon and Randolph are believed to be interested in fashioning a serious, research-based treatment of the subject. How is this even fucking newsworthy? A slow day in the newsroom is right. hey, here's a great idea: How about taking your herpes-ridden mouths off each other's greasy pencil dicks long enough to do some semi-responsible journalism. Other than that, Love the site and keep up the good work.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:04 a.m. CST

    But have they got the passion .....

    by Dalius

    Whether this story is accurate or not, the truth of the matter is that Hollywood will almost certainly jump on the bandwagon. They've never resisted the temptation before, why should this be a first ? What made "The Passion" so good (whether you're Christian, Jew, Jedi, Geek, etc.) is that the people involved (especially Gibson and Cazviel) er, passionately believed in what they were doing and in the subject matter. Can we trust the mainstream studios to go the same way. I'm not even going to bother answering that one!!! Even the original remake (???) of the TC, with its brilliant cast, didn't have the bravery to be true to the source material. Still, look on the bright side, it'll give all the talkbackers plenty of films to be rude about over the next couple of years - we seem to enjoy doing that. I can hear it now .... ... starring "The Rock" as Sampson .... The trouble is that someone in Hollywood will read that and think it's a good idea !!! :-)

  • July 13, 2004, 6:16 a.m. CST

    I nominate Robert Z'Dar as Moses

    by JimmyRabbit

    he WILL split the sea with his chin. also: BAD IDEA this remake

  • July 13, 2004, 6:17 a.m. CST


    by TheDarkKnight

    This should not happen, but we all admit to loving these talkbacks where the possibilities are endless. Off the top of my head, possible casting as follows: Russell Crowe = Charlton Heston Vin Diesel = Yul Brynner Christopher Walken = Vincent Price Robert De Niro = E. G. Robinson Ridley Scott or Michael Mann directing.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:23 a.m. CST

    The new version will have 14 commandments

    by el zar

    Cause the execs want more. And wait till they unleash the CGI on this one.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:25 a.m. CST

    My picks for the cast-

    by ScottishCynic

    1. Hulk Hogan as Moses (Let my people go, BROTHER) 2. William Shatner as Moses (Let MY...people go!) 3. The Rock as Moses, Jack Black as his comedy sidekick "God" (Then they can turn it into an action comedy with a Limp Bizkit soundtrack) 4. Ben Stiller as Moses, Owen Wilson as the Pharo, Vince Vaughn as head of the guards, Will Ferrell as God. (It's gonna happen...) 5. Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider to play Moses and the Pharo (Let my people can do eeet!) And now that McG isn't attatched to Superman, let's get him involved too. Damn, I should leave Glasgow and get to Hollywood.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Harry forgot ...

    by First

    "Can they find actors as iconic as Charlton Heston ... Yul Brynner ... Edward G Robinson ... Vincent Price ... or what about JOHN DEREK? Heh. Or women as yummy as Debra Paget or Anne baxter or Yvonne De Carlo? But seriously ... Moses is Charlton Heston in my memory. Yul is Rameses. " ... and Edward G. Robinson is Chief Wiggum.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:40 a.m. CST

    Moses has a beer and cheats on the Tablets

    by LargoJr

    Maybe if we start rumors that Hollywood studios are in reality terrorist Cells bent on destroying our Country with really bad ideas for movie, Bush and his Keystone Cop-like Federalis will step in and put a stop to it??

  • July 13, 2004, 6:53 a.m. CST


    by TheGinger Twit

    More religion ramed down our throats.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:54 a.m. CST

    Studio development note: "Yea, um, do we really need ALL 10 comm

    by TheSeeker7

  • July 13, 2004, 6:58 a.m. CST


    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    Harry...I should point out that this is actually brilliant Hollywood remake idea number 209495932....not number 209495930 as you have stated in the title of this article. You forgot to mention Warren Beatty's "Love Affair" from 1994 and Roger Corman's version of Frankensteinin 1990. It is important to have these things straight for the schoolchildren.....And thus, think of the kids! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!

  • July 13, 2004, 7:18 a.m. CST

    by ScaryJim

    So they could change it from being a biblical thriller epic into a comedy drama with a sentimental overtone? Maybe put a few songs in ? course they'd have to change a few things , we'd have the burning (george) Bush advising moses that he has recieved intelligence suggesting there might be a rival off shoot religeon in the future if moses doesn't quell those rumours about his bloodline and Instead of the pharohs army chasing them through the parted sea they could shake hands and and agree to part . With a jovial 'ahh u win Moses, i'll let your people go, wink, wink ' . Ahh u gotta love these fuck up remakes , how about Moses- the real story -a psychological drama - Mistreated as a child and driven insane by imaginary voices, young moses retreats into an imaginary world of gods, and evil spirits, plague, sin and deception where he imagines himself as a great leader which in turn sows the seeds for the beggining of the largest religeous cult around... endless possibilities. Although personally i'd like to see Soddom and Gommorah - the musical , all singing and dancing in the style of Moulin Rouge, with ho's and overcamp men a plenty , but then Hollywood wouldn't do that cos it hasn't already been done better at least twice before .

  • July 13, 2004, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Remake "Lord of the Rings", goddammit!

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Nobody can stand those ancient Peter Jackson flicks that the current hip trendy audience doesn't find appealing anymore, due to their age. New versions should be made right away, preferably written by James Gunn and directed by W. S. Anderson. And scored by today's shiniest rap and nu-metal stars. Wooo!

  • July 13, 2004, 7:41 a.m. CST

    What studio is doing this?

    by RenoNevada2000

    Cuz if it's Paramount I firmly expect to have the Angel of Death be the same one as from RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. After all, the poor guy hasn't had work since...

  • July 13, 2004, 7:50 a.m. CST

    More GORY Bible inspired movies please!!!

    by godoffireinhell

    THE PASSION was an awesome grand guignol supernatural drama and I want more! The story of Moses? Why the hell not?! Just don't give me any PG crap, let it be faithful to the Old Testament text, with all the bloodshed and sadistic cruelty, with all the baby killing and torture. That'd ensure my ass in the theater opening day. But if they deliver another sanitized Di$ney-fied version I'll just ignore it.

  • July 13, 2004, 8:02 a.m. CST

    Tom Green as Mosese

    by Mentok

    Huh? Huh? Come on!!! That's gold.

  • July 13, 2004, 8:06 a.m. CST

    It's not Revelations

    by Znosaro

    It's just "Revelation," as in "The Revelation of St. John at Patmos." Also, Daniel and Ezekiel have plenty of imagery that tops Exodus. In fact, much of the images people associate with Revelation are in fact derived from Old Testament books. Anyway, I'm done being insightful, if petty.

  • July 13, 2004, 8:31 a.m. CST

    Steve Buscemi as Moses!

    by KRr

    Why not?

  • July 13, 2004, 8:56 a.m. CST

    Though I agree with Harry (with a little less venom since I read

    by rev_skarekroe come this is such a bad thing but you have no problem with Jackson's "King Kong"? 'Cause he's a buddy of yours? Do the buddy thing Harry, tell him remaking Kong is a bad idea. sk

  • July 13, 2004, 9:32 a.m. CST

    Mel Brooks IS Moses

    by MasterShake

    "Behold! The fifteen...(crash), .. oy.., TEN Commandments!"

  • July 13, 2004, 9:40 a.m. CST

    Joe Don Baker IS Moses

    by ScreamingPenis

    ...and Jon Saxon as Ramses

  • July 13, 2004, 9:42 a.m. CST

    Revisionists will re-write it as a PC documentary

    by Jeditemple

    Michael Moore will turn it into a documentary, showing how the evil Hebrews ruined everything for the Egyptians...and how they later turned into the Zionist empire that is modern day Israel. (I'm joking, naturally, but watch for changes in this version because they'll claim the Bible is "outdated")

  • July 13, 2004, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Will Smith as Moses

    by Jeditemple

    ...With a hip-hop re-make of "Walk Like and Egyptian"

  • July 13, 2004, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Oops I did it again

    by GypsyTRobot

    Britney as Ramses and Beyonce as Moses, because it's like woman power and multicultural and stuff, plus can you imagine the dance numbers and the soundtrack? OMG!!!

  • July 13, 2004, 9:55 a.m. CST

    I've got nothing aganist another Biblical movie if...

    by mcflytrap's made well. That's all that really matters. Someone above mentioned how this is another example of religion being shoved down your throat. Ridiculous. There is an audience for Biblical movies...and there are some great stories and characters in the Bible. If you don't like it, don't see it. But if they get McG to direct this, I'm going to go headhunting.

  • July 13, 2004, 10:05 a.m. CST

    Mel Gibson should make a movie of the book of II Kings where God

    by exit272

    That ought to satisfy the fundie gorehounds who couldn't get enough from Passion of the Christ!

  • July 13, 2004, 10:15 a.m. CST

    good idea if they do it with Muppets

    by Hud

    Miss Piggy as Mrs. Ramses: "Beat it, Baldy. I'm trying to get godboy here to try the pork chops!"

  • July 13, 2004, 10:23 a.m. CST

    The Plot Thins...

    by StudioPlant69

    ...meanwhile back in the studio executives conference room... "Can we make Moses gay?" "Can he be a 17 year old lesbian?" "I'm not really all for this religious stuff, maybe we can tone it down..." "I like McG for director." "This needs some wire fighting, also Moses needs some cool weapons and vehicles we can tie in with marketing."

  • July 13, 2004, 10:23 a.m. CST

    Edward G Robinson?

    by Fearsme

    Yeah, that was a GREAT choice, get a guy known for playing Mobsters and get him going WHERES YOUR MESSIAH NOW, SEE! YEAH! YEAH! heh heh. The old days were silly.

  • July 13, 2004, 10:24 a.m. CST

    So long as they "URBANISE" it so that it appeals to today's stre

    by Regicidal_Maniac

    Mo-Z: Aiiiight. Yo Check it peeps, dis here's the word of G. We gots us two fistfuls of commandments from the brother-man to the motherland. Yo ass better behave itself or hims gonna git all wrathful an shit. True dat. (I make no apologies for the shameless stereotyping... of dumb white Hollywood executives. Cracker fools.)

  • July 13, 2004, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Samuel L. Jackson as Tarantino's Moses..? BRILLIANT

    by Pallando Blue

    "You read the Bible, Pharoah?" "The what?" "There's this passage I got memorized, Ezekial 25:17..." "Who the fuck is Ezekial?" *** There's absolutely nothing wrong in my book about remaking movies, great ones or not. All that's at risk is someone else's time and money. All that matters is whether a good movie is made or not. Now, remaking a classic definitely has its uphill hurdles, having to live up to the original. But just like adapting a great novel, the original film (or the great novel) is STILL THERE after the remake is released. It's not replaced, it's not recorded over. So what's the harm? Losing my time and ticket money on a bad experience in the cinema? Well, that's what other peoples' reviews and sites like this are for. Resources wasted to make a bad movie instead of a good one? Who says an original film would necessarily be a good one either? I have seen a shitload of shitty original films, almost as many as I have shitty remakes. It's all in the final execution of the material, which usually can be foreseen by examining the impetus for (re)making the film in the first place. In the case of "The 10 Commandments" the drive would be pure dollars, shake a little more off the Passion Fruit tree. In the case of King Kong, Universal wants some of the LOTR-dollars to be sure, but Jackson and co. have nothing but pure adoration for the original (how many times does he need to say so?), and want nothing else but to recapture that film's spirit with the technology and budget that today's industry can provide. Why remake King Kong? My simple answer is, because nobody's rereleasing the original onto the big screens anytime soon, dammit, which of COURSE would be the preferred situation. Hell, I bet an art-house rerelease of the original "Walking Tall" would earn almost as much bank and garner far more goodwill than that Duane "The Rock", Something fiasco (Rock seems like a good guy with real screen potential, but needs to fire his agent STAT). But big-screen rereleases are rare to nil. Nobody's rereleasing the original 10 Commandments into theaters either (though they should consider it -- Lawrence of Arabia did pretty well 10 years ago), but I don't think there's any filmmaker out there, except maybe Martin Scorsese, who got into filmmaking because of De Mille's film and has been dreaming their whole life of doing their own version. And THAT'S why this remake's probably not a winner; it's money-driven, not sincere. ...Come to think of it, if Scorsese signs on to remake "The Ten Commandments" I'd be behind it as strongly and as eagerly as I am Jackson's "King Kong". If PJ ends up screwing it up (and there's a long history of filmmakers' "life-long dream projects" going hooey) then I'll say "Dang," go home, and once again pop in my copy of the original. What's the problem?

  • July 13, 2004, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Kenny Rogers IS Moses

    by vicious_bastard

    Why not bring the Koran to the big screen? With an entirely inappropriate non-muslim cast, directed by Roman Polanski. Just imagine the CGI virgins and honey!!!

  • July 13, 2004, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Now I'm just compelled. It's obsessive, really.

    by Pallando Blue

  • July 13, 2004, 10:27 a.m. CST

    Now I'm just compelled. It's obsessive, really.

    by Pallando Blue

  • July 13, 2004, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Now I'm just compelled. It's obsessive, really.

    by Pallando Blue

    [Fucking Enter Key! Sorry 'bout that] *** "We should be fuckin' dead right now. Did you see that army Pharoah had?" "Pretty big." "We should be fuckin' dead!" "Yeah, we were lucky." "That shit wasn't luck, that shit was somethin' else." "Yeah, maybe." "That was... divine intervention. You know what divine intervention is?" "Yeah, I think so. That means God came down from Heaven and parted the Red Sea." "Yeah, man, that's what it means. That's exactly what it means! God came down from Heaven and parted the Red Sea." "I think we should be going now." "Don't do that! Don't you fuckin' do that! Don't blow this shit off! What just happened was a fuckin' miracle!" "Chill the fuck out, Moses, this shit happens." "Wrong, this shit does not just happen." "Do you wanna continue this theological discussion in the car, or at the pyramids with the Egyptians?" "We should be fuckin' dead now, friend! We just witnessed a miracle, and want you to fuckin' ackowledge it!" "Okay, it was a miracle, can we leave now?"

  • July 13, 2004, 10:37 a.m. CST

    media vs. Christianity

    by abcdefz1

    Mainstream media hates Jewish and Christian spirituality, so there's little chance that they'll ever get one of these stories right. God knows there's a huge market that could be tapped if they would actually make films for those audiences, but they're afraid of God-believers unless they're withered old black women rocking in their chairs on a dillapadated porch, providing occasional sage wisdom to advance a plot point. Take a look at that story, and you'll see that a "philosopher" was plucked to write the script. Uh huh. By re-interpreting the Bible in a way that makes it more palatable to the (ahem) powers that be, they wind up alienating both a spiritual audience (who, TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL notwithstanding, comprehend a sell-out when they see it) as well as a secular audience, who frankly doesn't give a damn about this stuff. Then they've proven again that "religious films don't sell" and bury their heads in the sand for another twenty years or more. God help us.

  • July 13, 2004, 10:38 a.m. CST


    by 007-11

    Just the idea of remaking "The Ten Commandments" is worse than the idea of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez starring in a remake of "Casablanca". And frankly Harry i'm shocked. How can someone that loves Harryhausen as much as you do hate on the effects in the original?

  • July 13, 2004, 10:40 a.m. CST


    by ScaryJim

    ahh yes , genius and with revelations being quite an interesting bit u'd have no worries with having an absolutely shite third movie

  • July 13, 2004, 10:47 a.m. CST

    They should cast it with people who actually look of the time...

    by Batutta

    You know, people with melanin in their skin...that's right, Morgan Freeman as Moses. Only his voice could part the red sea!

  • July 13, 2004, 10:50 a.m. CST

    "The Old Days Were Silly" should be the title of ANY biblical mo

    by mortsleam

    And just to prove I'm equally as OCD as Mister Blue..."Okay, Ringo, you're gonna reach into that bag, and let my people go." "Which ones are your people?" "They're the ones that say 'Bad Motherfucker." I'm going to hell.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:04 a.m. CST

    Halle Berry is Moses!

    by SpyGuy

    What, they can totally miscast CATWOMAN but they can't miscast a TEN COMMANDMENTS remake? What-EVER...

  • July 13, 2004, 11:05 a.m. CST

    Do we really need this? I don't see them improving on the oringi

    by The Founder

    This isn't the best of ideas, but hollywood always comes out with shyt that don't make sense. This has the success of The Passion and studio exec written all over it. Why no go for another story from the bible? Something that hasn't been done period.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:08 a.m. CST

    They should do Niven and Pournelle's Inferno.

    by FluffyUnbound

    I don't think a modern audience could digest the Dante straight up, but with the N&P assist I think it would work. Strong religious theme, inspiring conclusion, and if they spent the effects money it would be a fuck-all spectacle. It's probably in development SOMEWHERE, I guess.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Russell Crowe as Moses, Brad Pitt as Ramses, and Orlando Bloom i

    by The Founder

    Seriously this will only work if they follow the script word to word of the oringinal with Heston on overseeing the production.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:12 a.m. CST

    Actually, I could live with Morgan Freeman as Moses.

    by FluffyUnbound

    The problem is that for a large part of the story Moses is a "strapping young prince". Heston made the age transition work - BARELY - but Freeman certainly couldn't. And you can't use another actor. But the voice - damn, the voice. "Let my people go!" - yeah, I can hear Freeman saying that.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:24 a.m. CST

    I think they should remake The Passion of Christ with Hulk Hogan

    by Lord Shatner

    "Ecce homo, brother"

  • July 13, 2004, 11:25 a.m. CST

    "Let it be written...

    by slone13

    ...let it be done."

  • July 13, 2004, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Great casting choices on the board

    by dwam0

    You guys got me excited to hear a reading of the Ten Commandments script by Jackson, Freeman, Thurman, etc. This movie has some of the funniest lines ever - I can make myself chuckle just thinking about E.G. Robinson saying -"Where's your God now Moses?" - but also a lot of melodrama that would sound GREAT in a reading. I'd pay $10.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Instead of remaking this flick, just give us all some CGI test s

    by Terry_1978

    That'll be the only reason it's bein g redone take advantage of today's f/x. Why go all out, just give us the eye candy.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:46 a.m. CST

    How to do a Biblical Movie AND Be Original...

    by Damitol

    Make a movie based on The apocryphal books of the bible. You know - the ones that biblical scholars deemed long ago unworthy to be included in the "one true bible" because they didn't fit in well with what the church wanted to teach. For the non-believers or fence sitters, it could contain some sexy scenes and lots of cool special effects moments (including dragons for the LotR fans). For the normal, thinking beleivers, it would offer both a chance to learn about gospels studied and cherished by early Christians, leading to healthy debate about the conflicts of said gospels with what we consider "The Bible" today. For the Fundies - well - they haven't had a good reason to picket a movie for a while, so it would be a grand time for them as well, preaching hell fime and handing out Jack Chick tracts. It's a no brainer. Original concept, no license fees, controversy (AKA "free publicity") and gazillions of potential box office dollars. You're welcome Hollywood.

  • July 13, 2004, 12:02 p.m. CST


    by Uncle Stan

  • July 13, 2004, 12:33 p.m. CST

    It will be called "TC10: Rise of a Nation"

    by Funmazer

    Cuz you've got people obviously wanting religious movies (cough cough The Passion), and TC10 is part of both the Jewish and Christian history so it's non-offensive. Plus they have a chance to put zillions of fake CG people on-screen. That said, the REAL TC10 is one of my all-time favorites, the pillar of fire scene sends chills down my spine every time. People think it's cheesy but it's just completely HONEST and we have a hard time accepting that today. I just can't imagine anyone else in it, or a different score, or... ugh. The original was very "stagey" and I'm sure they're going for ultra-real, dirty blood and guts with this. And CG frogs.

  • July 13, 2004, 12:34 p.m. CST


    by zacdilone

    I'd be all for a movie based on apocryphal books of the Bible, but for goodness' sake don't spew out that tired old line about them not being in line with what the church wanted to teach. You've been reading too much DaVinci Code crap. They were left out of the Bible because they didn't meet qualifications of authenticity. This whole concept of painting some books as being "banned" by the early church because they disagreed with them is bullsh*t. These books were never "cherished by the early church" as you claim. They were discounted because they had no credibility. There is no conspiracy, people.

  • July 13, 2004, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Bruce Campbell should play Moses....

    by Edward_nygma

    ... he can so do this part!

  • July 13, 2004, 1:23 p.m. CST

    This is no worse than remaking KING KONG.

    by Mosquito March

    Seriously - Peter Jackson shouldn't get a pass just because of LORD OF THE RINGS. Some shit cannot, and should not, be remade.

  • July 13, 2004, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Eh. It's as worthy of films as any other work of fiction.

    by ZeroCorpse

    Just get it over with and cast a group of pretty 20-somethings in all the roles. Just make sure a there are enough naked breasts in the movie to make up for all the blood and gore. Then we can lump it with other horror movies, where it belongs.

  • July 13, 2004, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Revelation Movie

    by SkurdJ

    Revelation would be great as a movie as long as you remember that most of it has already come to pass in AD 70. The judgment fell upon Israel as the Roman armies destroyed Jerusalem and murdered over a million of the Jews. Now that movie would be either grossly anti-semitic or highly sympathetic!

  • July 13, 2004, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Authenticity, my ass

    by Mister Pink

    NONE of the gospels are actually "authentic," in the sense that they represented anything literally, factually, historically true. They're all just fictions made up long after the crucifixion by people who never met Jesus, and what became accepted as canon did indeed rest largely on political, dogmatic and sectarian concerns. To say that they had no "credibility" implies that anything in the NT (or the OT, for that matter) DOES have credibility and none of it really does. Furthermore, there are some apocryphal books that are every bit as old and "authentic" in the sense of their dating and audience as any of the Canonicals, the Gospel of Thomas, for instance, is at least as old as Mark and contains an embedded sayings tradition which is every bit as authentic as Q (the sayings gospel embedded in Matthew and Luke). The truth is that there were dozens of gospels and other books floating around in the first three centuries of Christianity and a few of them were declared "authentic" by the church and others declared apocryphal or heretical (especially the Gnostic stuff), but of course, authenticity and "heresy" are really tautologies in this case. Speaking of authenticity, btw, I don't see how a serious piece based on "research" would be possible, since all serious research show the Exodus never happened and Moses never existed. I suppose they could do a KING ARTHUR thing and invent a fictional "true story" that the myth is based on but it would suck just as hard as KA.

  • July 13, 2004, 2:30 p.m. CST

    Here's what they should do: Just re-shoot new FX and insert the

    by Ted Striker

  • July 13, 2004, 2:40 p.m. CST

    Maybe McG can direct. Or Michael Bay. LOL

    by Manaqua

    Jeebus crimminy. The end is nigh. M

  • July 13, 2004, 2:57 p.m. CST

    "Dude where are my 10 Commandments?"

    by borisF

    Ashton Kutcher as Moses. Sean William Scott as God. Can you imagine this dialog? Sean William Scott: "Dude, where are my 10 Commandments?". Ashton Kutcher: "Dude". And so on. And on top other casting suggestions: Cristina Agulera as Nefretiri Will Smith as Ramses Hillary Duff as Sephora Cameron Diaz as Lilia

  • July 13, 2004, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Any complete telling of the fantasy story of " The Book of Exodu

    by Towelie o'Babel

    How can it not be, when in the story the "hero's" "god" kills thousands upon thousands of men, boys, and babies because the "villain" won't change his mind and free the slaves... even though said "god" uses his magical mystical powers to keep the "villain" from changing his mind and freeing the slaves. Of course the evil inherent in the full versions of two of the "ten commandments" (#2- punishing descendants for the "sins" of ancestors,#10- tacit approval of slavery) doesn't help things. Here's hoping Joel Schumacher directs, with Adam Sandler as Moses, Samuel L. Jackson as Rameses, Keira Knightley as Nefretiri, and Will Ferrell as new comedy-relief character Cowbellabel.

  • July 13, 2004, 3:07 p.m. CST

    More Needless Remakes of Classic Films

    by Lilium

    Can someone tell me why this is necessary besides only to ape The Passion? Are Hollywood writers so devoid of original ideas that they have to go through movie backlogs to create scripts?

  • July 13, 2004, 3:14 p.m. CST

    No thanks!

    by SandyNYC

    I'm surprised nobody mentioned The Seventh Sign with Ms. Demi

  • July 13, 2004, 3:25 p.m. CST

    R.C.'s opinion: What the hell happened to DreamWorks???

    by R.C. the "Wise"

    They started off with some minor hits, then elevated to minor blockbusters(e.g. Deep Impact, Saving Private Ryan, The Prince of Egypt, Gladiator), then won three straight years and four best pictures, (American Beauty, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Shrek), and then the great slide began. Inconsistent box office, poor ratings and creative success in animation, music and cinema have left the private SKG company without a 2d division of animation, a dismal TV production company, the departure of their music department, and the creative cinematic capabilities of a Fox TV think tank. Now they're contemplating this. Dreamworks, what the fuck???

  • July 13, 2004, 3:33 p.m. CST

    R.C.: Geez Frator, that post was as long as The Ten Commandment

    by R.C. the "Wise"


  • July 13, 2004, 3:46 p.m. CST

    Would you describe for me what Yahweh looks like?

    by Mister Pink

    PHARAOH: What? MOSES: What country you from! PHARAOH: What? MOSES:"What" ain't no country I know! Do they speak Egyptian in "What?" PHARAOH: What? MOSES: Egyptian-motherfucker-can-you-speak-it? PHAROAH: Yes. MOSES: Then you understand what I'm sayin'? PHARAOH: Yes. MOSES: Now describe what Yahweh looks like! Pharaoh: What? Moses takes his staff and presses it hard against the Pharaoh's head. MOSES: Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "What" one more goddamn time! Now describe to me what Yahweh looks like! PHAROAH: he's ...he's...Jewish -- MOSES: go on! PHARAOH: ...and he's...he's...tall -- MOSES: -- does he look like a harlot?! PHARAOH: What? Moses' eyes go to Aaron, Aaron smirks, Moses rolls his eyes and SHOOTS Pharaoh in the shoulder in the shoulder with a blast of fire from his staff. Pharaoh SCREAMS, breaking into a SHAKING/TREMBLING SPASM in the chair. MOSES: Does-he-look-like-a-harlot?! PHARAOH: (in agony) No. MOSES: Then why did you try to fuck 'im like a harlot?! PHARAH: I didn't... MOSES: Yes you did, Pharaoh. Yes you did. Do you ever read the Bible?

  • July 13, 2004, 3:54 p.m. CST

    When in doubt, go with Norton...

    by Henry Fool

    ...Edward Norton that is. Seriously though, whenever I can't think of somebody to cast in a role I usually think 'Edward Norton'. He's almost always amazing in anything he does even when it's shlock material like 'The Italian Job.' Wait, no, Adrian Brody. He should be Moses. Norton can play Ramses. As for God? It's too bad George Burns is dead.

  • July 13, 2004, 4:16 p.m. CST

    If It Ain't Broke...

    by OdieSeuss

    Remake THE TEN COMMANDMENTS? Why not add BIRTH OF A NATION to that list? Personally, the only remakes I hope to see someday are either FLASH GORDON or DOC SAVAGE, if any studio has the gumption to find a decent screenwriter or filmaker to make it excellent.

  • July 13, 2004, 4:36 p.m. CST

    Harry, I think sometimes you're stuck in the past homie

    by super Cucaracha

    I mean, why not give today's actors a chance? A N D with new technology, a movie about the Ten Commandments may rule!. You liked The Passion and they've already done dozens of Christ movies. How come you didn't say the same shit regarding another Jesus Christ movie?

  • July 13, 2004, 4:38 p.m. CST

    and you couldn't stop had to mention Mr. Pulp Fic

    by super Cucaracha

    geeeee whiz

  • July 13, 2004, 4:48 p.m. CST

    I can't wait to see the urbanized versions titled "Ten Reasons N

    by Grabthars_Hammer

  • July 13, 2004, 4:59 p.m. CST


    by Keyser Soze

    The Originality is gone people. What ever happened to imagination??? If your gonna do a remake, remake something that

  • July 13, 2004, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Monster X - More needless remakes of classic films

    by Trader Groucho 2

    So I went to a thing last weekend where a producer from MGM was speaking, and she pointed out that the reason MGM LOVES remakes is that not only is there some level of built-in awareness of the idea/product, but they OWN the frikkin' rights (usually), and it also generates interest in their catalog product (so they're thinking of remaking the Ten Commandments are they? Let me go check out the original again. Or that one with Charlton Heston). They may be "needless" remakes, but it seems they're also profitable.

  • July 13, 2004, 5:25 p.m. CST


    by StudioPlant69

    X Commandments Think of the marketing, X's on everything! You could add some teens to the movie, like Moses could have a son named MOEZEZ and he could be in rehab for an addiction to camel dung... Have the Olsen Twins go topless for no apparent reason. This should be made by Warner and get the same people who made Catwoman. IT'S OVERTIME! Harry could play the Red Sea and Moses could part him! We could combine Bible stories, just make Moses on the Ark instead of Noah, the Ark could transform into a sub and fly and have some kick ass weapons... So let it be written, so let it be remade as a POS!

  • July 13, 2004, 5:42 p.m. CST

    word to zombieproblems

    by ziranova

    Your idea for The 10 Commandments of the Planet of the Apes is hilarious! As you can see by my handle, I'm a bit of a Planet of the Apes affionado.

  • July 13, 2004, 5:52 p.m. CST


    by TomVee

    "4. Ben Stiller as Moses, Owen Wilson as the Pharo, Vince Vaughn as head of the guards, Will Ferrell as God. (It's gonna happen...) 5. Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider to play Moses and the Pharo (Let my people can do eeet!)" Now this is casting genius -- but the movie for this cast should be a remake of LIFE OF BRIAN.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Get Stephen Sommers to direct

    by Billy Goat

    ...and make it a crossover with "The Mummy". Moses and Imhotep battle over whose God is stronger! ...OTOH, if they want to attract the Harry Potter crowd, they could film Isaiah, which has dragons, unicorns, satyrs, and basilisks.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:34 p.m. CST

    The Actors

    by Mr. Fargo

    Not ONE caucasian/white actor should be seen in this movie if they want to take the "realistic" approach. Come on, Hollywood. Get a brain.

  • July 13, 2004, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Jude Law should be Moses!

    by Funmazer

    I think that'd be decent - I'm still not watching this film of course! While I'm at it, Gandalf as old Pharoah dude, Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas as Moses's wife, Danny Devito as Dathan and Orlando Bloom as Joshua. Cuz they're OBVIOUSLY using all the same characters! Plus, a heartfelt warming song sung by Faith Hill - "Where Are You God?" in which Faith Hill wanders around the desert, picking up sand with lots of shots of doey-eyed Hebrew children being oppressed. Box office gold.

  • July 13, 2004, 7:01 p.m. CST

    It's the studio's money

    by allykatD

    If they want to spend a chunk of their own change on a Ten Commandments remake, who are we to argue? I think it's stupid and unnecessary (spend the money instead on something smart and original, ooo, sorry that's an oxymoron on Hollywood), but they're not spending my money. And it's never going to be my money since I won't see it in the theater. Wasn't the first one enough? Damn.

  • July 13, 2004, 7:12 p.m. CST

    Qur'an as movie fodder

    by Trader Groucho 2

    Now THAT is a great idea. It's public domain. It's exciting stuff. And with the exception of that Michael Sarazzin movie practically nobody saw years ago, it hasn't been done. And I guarantee you there's enough material there for sequels.

  • July 13, 2004, 7:17 p.m. CST

    Abraham, Noah and Moses - real or no? Actually, they've been nei

    by Trader Groucho 2

    Muhammad in the Qur'an, His Word is, pardon the pun, Gospel, so for Muslims these are all Prophets and historical characters. Same for Baha'is.

  • July 13, 2004, 7:38 p.m. CST

    Creeping Death on the soundtrack

    by ManosTHOF

    It will be the only good thing about the movie

  • July 13, 2004, 8:22 p.m. CST

    RE: Dreamworks

    by SeVen Higgins

    Give 'em a break. They only have the highest grossing film of the year so far.

  • July 13, 2004, 8:50 p.m. CST

    Ancient Lights:"Why did all of you kiss Gibson's ass while you c

    by Towelie o'Babel

    Trouble yourself no more, AL, just partake a few puffs of this simple explanation: in Gibson's fantasy movie, the "hero" sacrifices, allowing himself to be beaten and killed for the supposed good of all mankind, which is basically a nice idea even for those who don't believe. In any remake re-imagined fantasy 10Cs movie, it's a given that the "hero's" "god" sends his agent "Angel of Death" to murder men, boys, and babies because Pharoah won't free the slaves, even though this "god" has hardened Pharoah's heart and made it impossible for him to free the slaves. Talk about your evil Catch-22s.... Evil stuff like that harshes one's buzz, if one thinks about it. Even without the Catch-22 aspect, the "good guy's" "god" killing other folks babies because Pharoah won't do something is just freakin' wrong and evil. They should call him the "lord Sauron".

  • July 13, 2004, 9:05 p.m. CST

    Vin Diesel IS Ramses

    by Hamish

    Has to be - he's the only bald megasuperhyperstar that we have at the moment... Go on, cast Samuel L as Moses - have the balls!

  • July 13, 2004, 9:48 p.m. CST

    Russell Crowe as Moses, Vin Diesel as Ramses, Catherine Zeta-Jon

    by Hell's Cigarette

  • July 13, 2004, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Mr Green = Moses

    by Johnny Falcon

    I agree, Tom Green for moses.

  • July 13, 2004, 10:49 p.m. CST

    they should set it in nazi germany... and call it The Ten Komman

    by ElGuapo

  • July 13, 2004, 10:56 p.m. CST

    The single best movie line ever.....

    by Mutley

    "There's a man among the sheep." Simply classic. Any remake must keep this superb bit if writing.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:37 p.m. CST

    Ten Commandments "Revelations"

    by BuggerOff

    Tagline: "Next summer, go to hell." Starring: Fred Dreyer, Bill Kirchenbauer, Danny Cooksey, Nancy Mckeon, and Irene Cara. Synopsis: On the eve of the apocolypse we get to see the touching story of love and friendship. With Danny Cooksey as the biggest fucking asshat ever, he's forced to reveal something that was obvious to everyone else...He was the reason Diff'rent Strokes jumped the fucking shark. Nancy Mckeon reveals that she loved the mouthfuls of Natalie's carpet she had during the Facts of Life. We see a tender love scene between Nancy and Irene Cara involving a Maglite and superheated butter. Fred Dreyer and Bill Kirchenbauer reveal that they haven't had pussy since their respective shows were cancelled. Soundtrack by The Jesus Twins. Oscar.

  • July 13, 2004, 11:48 p.m. CST

    And on the eighth day...

    by Cabron

    ...God made $350 million domestic.

  • July 14, 2004, 12:16 a.m. CST

    This isn't a good idea.Is it a trilogy?

    by proper

    I agree with the poster above(or below)who said The Rock should fire his agents roody poo candy ass.In fact make the Peoples champion Superman.Kurt Angle=Luthor.No joke I can see it now Steff McHelmsley is Lois Lane.And no cameo for you Hunter.

  • July 14, 2004, 2:02 a.m. CST

    If Hollywood is really anti-christian... make this movie the way

    by antonphd

  • July 14, 2004, 3:20 a.m. CST

    Now that was a good read, Harry!

    by Lord_Soth

    The Bible has great potential, however it was ENOUGH! No more Moses, please!

  • July 14, 2004, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Smauel L Jackson for Moses

    by billy1065

    Why not??. Olivier played Othello. Surely it should be acting ability that decides it. Anyway, whatever colour Moses was, it sure wasn't white.

  • July 14, 2004, 2:45 p.m. CST

    I'll add another vote for "why not Samuel L. Jackson"?

    by JTylor

    And here's why: read Zora Neale Hurston's "Moses, Man of the Mountain" which retells much of Exodus as if Moses was a houngan, or voudou priest. It's very good, and if they chose *that* as the basis of the adaptation (fat chance) it could be very interesting.

  • July 14, 2004, 6:46 p.m. CST

    Why not something for the Muslim crowd?

    by madfreethinker

    There should be a movie made about Muhammad--of course, none of the actors' faces can be shown since that's against the Islam religion. But, hey, if "The Passion of the Christ" can bilk half a billion dollars out of idiotic Christians, then "The Teachings of Muhammad" can bilk nearly twice that from moronic Muslims--just have a bunch "fatwas" issued for those who refuse to see the film.

  • July 14, 2004, 8:02 p.m. CST

    This won't work

    by venger91

    I mean really, there is no way to do a sequel.

  • July 14, 2004, 10:27 p.m. CST

    missed the point

    by littleboy

    Towelie it seems you missed the point. God's punishement was justified.First of all the pharao's dad ordered the death of of all hebrew new born during his reign (that's why moses was sent down the river)."16 And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live." Second of all they were oppressing the hebrew nation greatly and you can't tell me that not once did they kill innocents or rape anyone. Death is the punishment for sins. The body may have been killed but not the soul because it is eternal because God made it so. The scriptures do not say that God went that far so i don't understand why you see it as so evil. I'm not trying to make you change your beliefs but trying to shed alight from the scriptures point of view. btw mr. pink there's been archeological evidence pointing that those evidence did happen but i know that no matter how much i will try to show you in the end you will not beleive because it seems you don't want to believe.

  • July 15, 2004, 12:01 a.m. CST

    Little Boy, beest thou young lad or atomic bomb-ophile, one day.

    by Towelie o'Babel

    you will hopefully realize that no matter how one sugarcoats it, dissembles it, or ignores it, the killing of innocent babies (what "sin" is theirs?) is evil, no matter who does it, so an alleged "god" killing them en masse (alleged to have happened many many times, commencing with "The Flood") or having followers butcher them in droves (damn those cheap walls at Jericho) because of something others did, is, on the worst of grand scales, evil, impure and simple. It is wicked and wrong. To borrow a well-known line from Paine-- "it would be more consistant that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God." You say I don't want to believe, but maybe, just maybe, you want to believe too much, so much that you euphemistically downplay (or blithely ignore) the numerous slaughterings of babies attributed to your "god" in "his" own book. Think about it if/when you next hold a newborn child.

  • July 15, 2004, 2:32 a.m. CST

    Rob Schneider IS Moses

    by jules windex

  • July 15, 2004, 12:48 p.m. CST

    Rob Schneider is Moses...

    by Trav McGee

    ...trapped in the body of 21st-century bumbling Taco Bell employee "Mo Zisjek" after a crazy lightning storm/microwave oven accident! Meanwhile, the bumbling Taco Bell employee, trapped in Moses' (Horatio Sanz) body, has to lead the Jews to freedom! Will Mo save "his" people from slavery and genocide? Will Moses make shift manager? ...Christ, Jules, I think we can pitch this on the trailer alone.

  • July 15, 2004, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Hey cloudrider

    by Homer Sexual

    Even a gay guy can get behind the concept of Monica Bellucci nude and doing sex scenes throughout the Garden of Eden. just sayin'.

  • July 15, 2004, 4:09 p.m. CST

    Why there aren't more Muslim movies made...

    by m2298

    When MOHAMMED: MESSENGER OF GOD (aka THE MESSAGE) was released in the US in 1976 a group under the mistaken belief that the Prophet would be depicted by an acor, seized three buildings in Washington, D.C., and took several hostages. Several were injured and one was killed. Not worth it.

  • July 17, 2004, 10:22 p.m. CST


    by littleboy

    Like i said before the body is only temporary and the soul isn't. Yes point blank it is what it is but that is the punishement for their sins (of the parents).What happens to the babies souls i do not know. i don't know what your beliefs are so i wont impose myself on them but from the scriptures point of view the Maker has the right to punish the made. Why does every one view death as such an evil thing? an unnatural death caused by another perhaps but the Father has the right to take away His gift to those He gave it. Who am i to tell God waht's right and what isn't? Only when the punishment isn't towards somone's favor they rather call it from demons and unjust. btw-- i beist a young lad

  • July 18, 2004, 1:13 a.m. CST

    My Cast Ideas - Sean Bean as Moses, Johnny Depp as Ramses, and

    by kimberwyn

    Moses -Sean Bean or -Mel Gibson Ramses -Johnny Depp or Joacquien Pheonix Aaron -Chris Cooper or -Bruce Willis Nefertiri - Uma Thurman Sephora - Diane Lane Joshua - Eric Bana The King - Ian Holm Lilia - Keira Knightley

  • July 18, 2004, 10:26 a.m. CST

    Cast Ideas, Ten Commandments Redux

    by ruven

    My pic for a cast. Actually i picked 2 sets of casts. Moses - Jim Caviezel or Guy Pierce Rameses - Benicio Del Toro or Djimon Hounsou Sethi - Ben Kingsley or F. Murray Abraham Sephora - Penelope Cruz or Thandie Newton Joshua - Jared Leto or Ryan Gosling Baka - Arnold Vosloo or Oded Fehr Nefertiri - Monica Bellucci or Valeria Golino Dathan - Brian Cox or Harvey Keitel Lilia - Kiera Knightly or Natalie Portman Bithia - Catherine Bell or Bridget Moynahan Yochabel - Jeanne Tripplehorn or Connie Nielsen

  • July 18, 2004, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Cast Ideas, Ten Commandments Redux

    by ruven

    My pic for a cast. Actually i picked 2 sets of casts.... Moses - Jim Caviezel or Guy Pierce/ Rameses - Benicio Del Toro or Djimon Hounsou/ Sethi - Ben Kingsley or F. Murray Abraham/ Sephora - Penelope Cruz or Thandie Newton/ Joshua - Jared Leto or Ryan Gosling/ Baka - Arnold Vosloo or Oded Fehr/ Nefertiri - Monica Bellucci or Valeria Golino/ Dathan - Brian Cox or Harvey Keitel/ Lilia - Kiera Knightly or Natalie Portman/ Bithia - Catherine Bell or Bridget Moynahan/ Yochabel - Jeanne Tripplehorn or Connie Nielsen