Movie News

Our First Full Review Of CATWOMAN!!

Published at: June 25, 2004, 4:08 a.m. CST

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

Oooooh, I bet he loved it, don’t you?

The Burbank Bandits Strike Back:

After receiving boot-to-ass from the focus group at Disney some weeks ago after the showing of KING ARTHUR, we thought we’d try our luck again over at Warner Bros. for a "Special Screening" of an unnamed, soon-to-be-released High-Profile summer movie. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that the only flick left in Warners’ arsenal that would fit the profile was the one...the only...

CATWOMAN.

Oh, God. Oh, God yes. We saw it. After six grueling, cock-teasing weeks of trailers, laughable TV spots and ridiculous one-sheets, The Burbank Bandits witnessed first-hand the train wreck that inevitably happens when you give a one-named, metrosexual Frenchman a $100 million and a script not worthy of lining a litter box.

Fine, so we suffered a little. Big deal. At least we’d have our say at the focus group THIS time. No way our intelligence would be a hindrance...mainly ‘cause we had pacted to play dumb with our responses to questions. So we filled out our review cards and headed to the front of the theater.

"What’d you give the film in the first box?," one of the moderators asked us.

"Poor," we both replied.

"Yeah, gee," he said, "but it turns out we already have all the people we need. Thanks anyway." The don’t-let-the-door-hit-your-ass-on-the-way-out was implied in his surley tone.

How curious, though, that all the people selected to stay gave the movie EXCELLENTs and VERY GOODs, which we overheard as we waited to turn in our score sheets?

But enough of the bitch-fest. Onto brass tacks:

The best way we, the Bandits, can summarize this film is as follows: if you’ve ever fantasized watching Halle Berry hissing (not once, not twice...but THRICE) and rubbing a sack of catnip all over her supple lips and face in ecstasy, then this pic is for you.

If, on the other hand, you’re looking for a companion piece to this year’s other superior super-hero movie, keep looking, Jack.

CATWOMAN is quite literally an episode of "Melrose Place" thrown onto the big screen, injected with comic-book cliches and random, choppily edited action set pieces for good measure.

The "film" (we’ll have to use the term loosely, mind you...) opens with its most interesting part -- the title sequence, a mish-mash of ancient texts and newspaper articles about the history of cats and their implied connection with the after-life and their effect on the populous. We dissolve to oft-seen trailer image of Patience Prince’s (Berry) lifeless body floating past the camera, angelically backlit through the water. Over this is quite possibly one of the worst voice-overs in the history of cinema, not only in content but execution. For shame, Halle....

Cut to some time ago as we’re brought up to speed on the sad, pathetic life of Patience, a wannabe artist employed as a graphic designer at a large cosmetic company created and owned by Georges Hedare (Lambert Wilson) and his wife / spokes model Laurel (Sharon Stone, who’s given more soft lighting than Marlene Deitrich had in her entire career).

Patience as a character is a carbon copy of Selena Kyle: timid, insecure, a push-over with no self-esteem, etc. Unfortunately, this is where the ties with the source comic book character end.

Having lost an hour and forty-five minutes to this debacle, we shudder to repeat the experience verbatim, so you’ll excuse us as we merely hit the major points.

Patience accidentally overhears that Hedare’s newest skin cream ‘Beau-Line’ (yeah, we’re serious there), which is set to be unveiled in a matter of days, causes people’s faces to literally melt-off and rot over time. She’s chased by some baddies, locked in a waste disposal tube and jettisoned into the river.

Miraculously, she ends up on a random piece of concrete in the middle of the water, surrounded by a dozen or so cats. One in particular named Midnight, who had showed up at Patience’s apartment some time earlier and was the direct cause of her and Dectective Tom Loan’s (Benjamin Bratt, probably hoping Dick Wolfe will take him back on LAW & ORDER after this tanks....) oh-so-cute initial meeting, resurrects her.

To find answers to what’s happening to her, she seeks the sage-like advice of a Crazy Cat Lady (Frances Conroy, and unfortunately not the Crazy Cat Lady from THE SIMPSONS, which, at the very least, would have provided some intentional comic relief). Crazy Cat Lady tells her what we as an audience were well aware of twenty minutes before: that she died and was brought back by Midnight. Unbelievably, Patience takes this bizarre scenario at face value and accepts it almost immediately. I guess she just needed to hear any excuse that would explain her taking on feline attributes in the most frustratingly campy of ways; sleeping in the, uh, "rafters" of her apartment, devouring the contents of a large pile of tuna cans, and creeping around on her haunches amongst other things. It’s akin to seeing Peter Parker suck the blood out of his steak and then cocoon it in webbing before he eats it.

What follows is a ham-handed mystery with Catwoman trying to uncover her killers and exposing the dangers of ‘Beau-Line.’ Simultaneously, Patience and Tom begin their courtship. Too bad he’s heading up the lame investigation to capture the prowling feline who’s been fingered in several murders, including the lead scientist who created ‘Beau-Line’ and, later, Georges Hedare.

One of the many low-lights between Berry and Bratt is a blatant rip-off of the Matt Murdock / Elektra Nacchios "flirtation" scene from DAREDEVIL. Substitute a basketball court for the playground and you get the idea.

And unlike Peter Parker, Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, and other super-hero alter-egos, Patience readily uses her abilities for any purpose she sees fit and not for the general betterment of society. Sure, she kicks the asses of some jewelry store robbers but when you stop and think about it, the reason she was at said jewelry store in the first place was to swipe a necklace she’d seen in the window the day before. Yeah, Catwoman does end up saving the life of some kid on a malfunctioning Ferris wheel, but it seems like a calculated inclusion to give her more credence as an actual "Super Hero" which, really, this character never was. Another "non-hero" moment included retaliation against a neighboring party, its music seeping through the walls and into Patience’s apartment in the wee hours.

Forced comic relief comes in the form of Sally (Alex Borstein), a man-obsessed co-worker who becomes ill after using the ‘Beau-Line’ cream but conveniently recovers with no real side effects in the end.

The denouement of CATWOMAN is a ridiculous "catfight" (Sorry for the obvious pun. Can you blame us, though?) between Berry and Stone. You see, Stone can now hold her own against those cat-like reflexes because her continuous use of ‘Beau-Line’ (we conveniently find out at the last minute) has caused her skin to become "as hard as marble", so hard that she cannot feel a thing. The attempted beat-down features the destined-to-be-classic lines, "For you, Patience, it’s game over," to which Catwoman replies, "It’s over-time!"

Tonal inconsistencies, melodramatic acting, shameless over- the-top production design (i.e., Hedare’s conference room could double as Dr. Evil’s lair for a fourth AUSTIN POWERS if need be) and, as previously mentioned, an abhorrent screenplay, credited to no less than four scribes are as detrimental to overall failure of CATWOMAN as is helmer Pitof’s curious – and cinematically / narratively unnecessary – penchant for CG-heavy establishing tracking shots.

The print screened for us, projected in DLP, looked to be as close to picture lock as could be at this stage. Many CGI shots were still in the unrendered / greenscreen stage, and some shots looked pulled from the Avid, but, generally speaking, picture and sound quality were otherwise top-notch...which makes the test screening all the more curious. What could they really change at this late stage?

So mark your calendars, ladies and gentlemen. July 23rd. The day Hollywood dumps another disappointing summer entry in our laps.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Seacrest Out!

The Burbank Bandits

P.S. We’ll be back early next week with a look at CELLULAR.

No! Lies! Slander! I refuse to believe it! That’s un-possible!!

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback

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  • June 25, 2004, 4:13 a.m. CST

    First? Meow!

    by JamesTCT

  • June 25, 2004, 4:22 a.m. CST

    Yea, well....

    by Priest

    ..... we've all seen the trailers. We've all seen the pictures. Is there anyone amongst us who can actually have one ounce of hope for this "film". And I say that as someone who hates people that bash films before they've seen it, but c'mon!!!!

  • June 25, 2004, 4:27 a.m. CST

    shudder

    by Cory849

    There were people who marked the film "excellent"?? ...creepy. just...creepy.

  • June 25, 2004, 4:36 a.m. CST

    Next Up: Namor!

    by Shadowhawk

    We don't have a Green Lantern movie... we don't have a Sandman movie... We don't have a Fantastic Four movie... but Jesus-Bruce-Almighty: We have a Catwoman movie. Can we all pool our money together and Buy DC Comics from WB? I'll personally put in $16,000 - who is with me?

  • June 25, 2004, 4:37 a.m. CST

    The Requisite...

    by Playhouse

    Can't say I'm surprised.

  • June 25, 2004, 5:14 a.m. CST

    Pure Stupidity

    by nmp03

    I'll bet the Academy wishes they could go back a few years, back to the year of the "Blackademy" awards and take back the oscar they gave her. She was a dumb bitch then and she's a dumb bitch now.

  • June 25, 2004, 5:18 a.m. CST

    wow, he wrote that like he was more than one person! weird!

    by Crowbot

    movie looks fucking horrible.

  • June 25, 2004, 5:38 a.m. CST

    Catwoman?

    by NZGUY

    Does she mark her territory in the movie???

  • June 25, 2004, 5:51 a.m. CST

    Reverse-Plant!!!!

    by ianiiixvi

    Just wanted to say that. I can't wait to see this film. Tied down to a movie seat so that I can't escape. "A Clockwork Orange" wires holding my eyelids open. Duct-tape tm over my mouth to muffle my screams of agony. "MY EYES! The goggles do nothing!"

  • June 25, 2004, 5:54 a.m. CST

    What this movie needs is warewolves & vampires!

    by mbaker

    I think that movie theaters should do a service for all it's customers by handing out free "I Surived Catwoman" T-Shirts to show that they care, or give them a their money back. (Yeah right.)

  • June 25, 2004, 5:58 a.m. CST

    Pitof.....

    by payton 34

    .....is better than a lot of directors out there but I don't care who you are, if you are handed a piece of shit script you are going to get a piece of shit movie.

  • June 25, 2004, 6:13 a.m. CST

    Please give this movie a chance

    by Bcphil

    I can tell you that this review is the opposite of everything I have heard so far. The people I have talked to all seem to think this movie is getting a bad rap for no other reason than people feeling that it doesn't do justice to the original character from the comics, because of this a smear campaign has been started, this review is the obvious result. Halle Berry is an award winning actress who will no doubt own this role. Sharon Stone is competent at the least and the rest of the cast is solid. The action sequences I have seen are on point and this movie will easily get to the 100 million mark by word of mouth, so if you want to keep publishing reviews by people with an obvious agenda that's fine, but see it for yourself or you will miss the movie of summer 2004.

  • Please, if you are going to be a PLANT, at least write more convincing copy. Or better yet, be totally honest, like "yes, I worked on this movie/am in the studio marketing dept, please see this movie even though it really sucks, see it for the unintentional camp and humour."

  • June 25, 2004, 6:56 a.m. CST

    Halle, please give the Oscar back...

    by stewiegriffin

    B.A.P.S, X Men, The Flintstones, Die Another Day, Gothika, Swordfish, Bulworth and now this? You must know something Madonna didn't know...Nice juggs, though.

  • June 25, 2004, 6:59 a.m. CST

    Me fail English?

    by Grando

    That's unpossible!

  • June 25, 2004, 6:59 a.m. CST

    fingered in several murders?

    by satansteve

    hey, at least they died happy

  • June 25, 2004, 7:01 a.m. CST

    In regards to Yay's comments

    by Bcphil

    Yay, Where I work has nothing to do with this conversation, I speak to you movie fan to movie fan. Recently we all have seen a backlash to these films and most of it is unfounded. Catwoman is a delicious mix of camp, great special effects, and an interesting story that revolves around a female protagonist and antagonist which is highly unusual and a refreshing surprise. I invite you and all the users of this site to see this movie for yourselves and make up your own mind, the above individual obviously is trying to smear this movie as many people have tried to do with Troy, the upcoming Superman movie, Alexander, and Constantine. These are just a few random movies I can name off the top of my head that have been attacked by spiteful people who rarely have there facts straight. Everything I have seen from Catwoman is amazing, the special effects will blow you away and the dialog is sharp and Coehnesque. If you go see this movie and don't like it I would be shocked. Please don't let others make up your mind for you.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:04 a.m. CST

    To: Curious Dr Hump....

    by Transmigrant

    I can tell you that this review is very simular to EVERY review I've heard and read so far. I have friends whom work in the film industy and whom read scripts and see screenings. From everything I've gathered, this film seems to have been thrown together to cash in on whatever 'superhero' capital it could- holding no respect for the audience's intelligence or the charicters (even though there were many 'catwomen' as far as what i've been told). You can't honestly sit there and try to sell a woman walking into a bar and getting a warm glass of milk. You can't honestly sit there and try to sell some half-baked rehash of the 'Crow' series. Or beauty creme that makes your face fall off. If this review is mostly opposite from what you've been told then why did they have to go back and refilm entire scenes just within the past few weeks? There are no agendas here, only honest feedback. And I can't see this film going anywhere near the 100 million mark unless you're counting the world market.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:04 a.m. CST

    Is it, at least, set in the Batman world?

    by TheGinger Twit

    Sounds pretty trashy. You gotta wonder just whats going on back stage of Warner Bros.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:11 a.m. CST

    to dr curious hump or wotever...

    by satansteve

    usually, i am against anyone yelling PLANT at someone, but im sorry. you are a PLANT. you might as well have roots growing out of your boots. I have seen nothing that would indicate that this movie will be good. NOTHING. I have read script reviews from reliable sites, and not one of them was positive, the trailers are god awful, the part with the 'cream...straight up'...my god, i can imagine 'the dude' walking up to the bar in the bowling alley and saying 'cream...straight up' and licking his lips...and right after that, walter kicks his ass and throws a bowling ball into his midsection. I'm so sorry to say this, but you are either the most blatant plant ever, or are a retard beyond help. This is very out of character for me, look for any posts and you will see that i give every movie a fair chance before i actually see it. but not this one. to be honest i could care less if it was patience price or selina kyle as catwoman, if it looks like a turd, smells like a turd and feels like a turd, odds are its a turd. this movie is a turd and will, if there is any justice in the world, make less than a million dollars and disappear in 3 weeks, but not before getting utterly DESTROYED by spider-man 2, which is THE event movie of the summer, for a lot of people. catowoman is a fetid, rotting corpse of a movie and i will go and see it, just so i can point and laugh at it. jesus it looks worse than batman and robin!! Quit your job at warner bros. now!

  • June 25, 2004, 7:14 a.m. CST

    PS) Curious Dr Hump....

    by Transmigrant

    A) Nice tap dance around where you work. B) No one is 'smearing' anything. It seems that your use of the word 'smear' is way off the mark. Troy had excellent reviews but had negitive talk before hand because of how long it took to film and the budget (whether or not it would make back the money). And I haven't read one 'smear' on Constine or the other films mentioned. You're classifying negitive feedback of a film as a 'smear' tactic. That's a little far fetched. C) If the dialog is so 'sharp and coehnesque', as you put it, then why do most of the trailers have very little if not any dialog in them? The one that played before The Terminal had none- simply only action sequences that left most everyone in the theater laughing and groaning.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:16 a.m. CST

    What, nobody said "Crapwoman" yet?

    by SalvatoreGravano

    Well, I won't say it, either! It's an infantile word.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:32 a.m. CST

    Were you expecting Citizen Kane?

    by JRo

    COUGH!! Hairball... I find Halle Berry about as annoying as Omarosa from The Apprentice.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:33 a.m. CST

    More on Catwoman

    by Bcphil

    The reason so little of this film is seen in the trailers is no doubt due to people's recent complaints that everything is given away in the trailers. It seems impossible to keep everyone happy I suppose. Notice how the above review details very little about the movie, I would guess the reviewer has not even seen the film. The dialog is very European and short yes, but it comes off as stylistic and suave. The only quotes people have mentioned are taken completely out of context and this could be done to make any movie look bad if you wanted to. I assure I have seen more of this film than most have and it's extraordinary. Halle taps into the same intense reserved energy she used in Monster's Ball. Sharon Stone is the perfect, can you not see her as the ultimate super villain after her performance in Basic Instinct? This movie will leave some people puzzled, but in the same way Blade Runner left some people feeling empty, it's very European and almost existential in it's over all scope.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:34 a.m. CST

    Cat-CROW!!

    by Karl Childers

    I hope this flops hard and sends a message to Hollywood that Halle Berry is an over-rated piece of trash!

  • June 25, 2004, 7:41 a.m. CST

    Oh, Puh-leeeeeeezzeee!!!

    by satansteve

    Are you actually serious? Really, honestly, straight-to the bone serious? Suave? Nothing about this movie speaks 'suave' to me. Guys, how about Shatwoman? No? Keep shooting. CATWOMAN IS GOING TO FLOP! THERE IS NO DOUBT ABOUT IT! IT IS TERRIBLE!!!!

  • June 25, 2004, 7:43 a.m. CST

    and you're actually comparing it to blade runner?

    by satansteve

  • June 25, 2004, 7:49 a.m. CST

    Blade Runner comparison

    by Bcphil

    The movie feels like Blade Runner both in it's grim but lovely set's and the character arch of Halle's character is much like Ford's. A confused Anti Hero whom you are questioning at first but fully invested in at the end of the film. I can honestly tell you people will be cheering during the final confrontation between Berry and Stone. There is so much more at work in this movie than just the surface story, the subtext dealing with corporate America dictating what is and what is not beautiful works purrfectly with the Halle's character's own unsureness that later morphs to a fully confident woman who is sure of herself, without the need for make up or something a corporation sells her to make her better. At heart it's a story one person fighting the battle we all wished we could fight, the difference is Catwoman will not lose, nor will you if you see this movie and experience something different this summer. I plan on seeing it opening day, I hope I will see some of you there.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:49 a.m. CST

    and you're actually comparing it to blade runner?

    by satansteve

    from now on, i'm going to call you towelie. Listen towelie, there is no way in gods green earth that this movie will ever be anything more than mediocre. the only way it can possibly make any kind of decent money at the box office is if people say to their friends "its the worst movie ive ever seen, its not even 'so bad its good' its just 'bad' you have to see it" which i guess would please the fats at wb wouldnt it? but would they rather have a good movie that makes money, or a terrible, repulsive movie which makes money? i know it doesnt matter either way, but just think: this movie will disappear, and people will say "those warner bros. cant make a decent comic movie" and after batman begins, theyll STILL bury comic movies becuz they dont see much interest. wb are dumb.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:50 a.m. CST

    dear christ....

    by satansteve

    towlie said 'purrfectly'

  • June 25, 2004, 7:51 a.m. CST

    I, for one, stand behind Dr. Hump!

    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    You people make me sick. I am offended by each one of you. Look at this film for what it is. Pitof is a very misunderstood director. You seem to concentrate on the things like characters and action and plot when you should be WOWED BY THOSE FANTASTIC SETS OF DRAPES IN THE BACKGROUND!!!!! LOOK AT THAT SET!!!! THE DANCE CLUB ALONE IS GONNA BE REALLY FUCKIN COOL!!!! I PRAY THAT WE ACTUALLY SEE MISS BERRY FIGHTING OFF THE HORDES OF EVIL TO THE THUMPING SOUNDS OF CHER!!!!!!!! AND WHO THE FUCK DOES NOT SEE THE ABSOLUTE BRILLIANCE IN SCUBA DIVING CATS?????? GOD DAMN!!! I COULD NEVER HAVE DREAMED THAT!!!! PITOF IS A FUCKING GENIUS FOR BRINGING US SUCH INNOVATION!!!!! AND I CANNOT, SIMPLY CANNOT THINK OF ANYTHING MORE VILE AND EVIL IN THIS WORLD THAN OIL OF OLAY!!!!! I SPEND SLEEPLESS NIGHT AFTER SLEEPLESS NIGHT WONDERING WHEN THE HELL SOMEONE IS GOING TO FIGHT FACE CREAM FOR US, THE PEOPLE!!!! NEVER BELIEVE THOSE ADVERTISEMENTS THAT CLAIM TO MAKE YOUR SKIN SOFT AND BEAUTIFUL....IT IS EVIL WOMEN GETTING THEIR WAR ARMOR ON SO THEY CAN TAKE OUR CREDIT CARDS AND BUY TAMPONS AND FRILLY THINGS!!!!!! AND DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE IDEA THAT PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE THE FILM...(sure, everyone had to fill out the comment cards on the film BEFORE they saw it....) BUT LOOK AT ALL THOSE FUCKING

  • June 25, 2004, 8:02 a.m. CST

    i wouldnt want to stand in front of dr. hump

    by satansteve

    or towelie, whichever he prefers.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:06 a.m. CST

    Dr.Hump

    by JeffPA007

    Usually when one is a PLANT, you don't want to be so obvious about it. You need some practice.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Oh, Dr. Hump....

    by NJM

    Nothing like a good, healthy laugh to get the day started! Now, you say the film is very European? More like EuroTRASH! That CROW rip-off monalogue seen in the TV spots is cringe inducing. Everyone I talk to says that clinches the deal for them NOT to see this movie. THE CROW is a classic, excellent film with fantastic performances, a powerful story, and a solid emotional core. CATWOMAN is campy b-movie trash that doesn't even deserve a theatrical release! Every bit of news and promotion for this movie has made it seem like the biggest pathetic JOKE of the summer movie season! Don't bother kidding yourself (or any of us), there's no grounds for the bold-faced lies your prepetrating here. If by some bizarre momentary absence of ALL intelligence and good sense and good taste, I were to walk into this movie, I'd be gone within a dozen minutes, if not less. Halle Berry is an overrated actress who was a BAD choice for Storm in X-MEN, and about the only performance of her's I can bother with is her ten minutes of screentime in THE LAST BOY SCOUT. CATWOMAN will BOMB! I guarantee you this! I have a feeling the EXORCIST prequel won't do so hot either. Warners is really digging deeper holes for themselves all the time. Aren't they? -NJM

  • June 25, 2004, 8:12 a.m. CST

    Hey Curious Dr. Hump

    by Blue_Demon

    As you say, Blade Runner left people feeling a little empty...Wasn't it also a flop? I understand it has since been given cult status and Sight and Sound Magazine put it in their list of top films ( deservedly so. ) But I remember sitting in the theater 22 years ago watching the previews for Blade Runner and the audience reaction was NOTHING like the reaction they gave the previews to Catwoman. When we saw the Blade Runner previews our jaws hit the floor. The only reason people felt empty from Blade Runner is because they expected some slam-bang futuristic action piece instead of the thought-provoking drama they saw. It was the year of Star Trek 2, E.T., and Poltergeist and that fought against Blade Runner. Time has proven those of us who liked Blade Runner from the beginning correct. It was a great movie. Sadly, I predict that time will do nothing of the kind for Catwoman. It will go from a steaming turd to a dry, hard little lump of shit. Speaking of...Does Halle also pick up the habit of taking a dump into a small box of clay pellets? I wonder if that was left on the cutting room floor.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Lump is either a lobotomized orangutan, or, more likely, a troll

    by SalvatoreGravano

    ...but some are *still* trying to argue with it, calling it a plant, et caetera... simply do not feed the troll, ignore it and it will turn into stone in the morning.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:17 a.m. CST

    To: Dr. Clump-ie catlitter

    by stvnhthr

    Okay, all the movies you mentined getting a bad rap (Troy, Superman, Catwoman, And Constantine) what is there common link?...hmmm....Could it be Warner Bros.? I wonder where you are a plant from...My Cat sense is tingeling, could it be the WB? Your punishment for such an outrageously poor job of being a PLANT is you must appear on this board on July 24th and repeat your praise of this film after this hairball is hacked into the cinemas.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:18 a.m. CST

    You guys remember...

    by UrethraFranklin

    Back months ago when the first shots of HB in the cat suit had everyone and their grand mammy's saying. "You guys are fools! This is obviously done up in photoshop!"

  • June 25, 2004, 8:22 a.m. CST

    i do remember that, ms. franklin

    by satansteve

    and i wish to god it was.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:36 a.m. CST

    Plant!

    by Goon Bighead

    this will be the greatest hollywood film ever!!!!

  • June 25, 2004, 8:38 a.m. CST

    Oh god...........

    by Big_Bubbaloola

    I'm pretty certain that watching this turd is gonna be like waking up in a mental asylum and claiming that you used to work there recently....and that some Spanish bint keeps talking to you and..........wait a sec!!!! Oh god I thought I had erased Gothika from my fragile mind!!!!! OH GOD THE HUMANITY!!!! AAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!

  • June 25, 2004, 8:43 a.m. CST

    I don't think Dr. Hump is a plant.

    by rev_skarekroe

    I think he had internship on the "Catwoman" set or something and doesn't want to admit that the first movie he worked on was crap. sk

  • June 25, 2004, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Bartender...

    by zer0cool2k2

    ...I'll have whatever Dr. Hump is having. Y'see, I've gotta' go see Catwoman and I really need to be drunk to enjoy it. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Patience as a character is a carbon copy of Selena Kyle: timid, insecure, a push-over with no self-esteem, etc. Unfortunately, this is where the ties with the source comic book character end." ............. Now, that may be a carbon copy of Selina Kyle from "Batman Returns", but it sure as hell ain't the Selina Kyle from the comics.

  • But seriously, Why is Halle Berry rated so highly by movie producers, as she blatantly is overrated. In Swordfish she is (in my opinion) dire, Xmen/Xmen2 she is bland and in the pile of crap that is 'Gothika' she acted worse than the woman in the Shining. Catwoman had so much potential for success, but the fact that they have changed the story from the original Selina Kyle story, and that they have Ms Berry as whatever she's called, it just reeks of movie trash. Im sure she might be a nice woman, but for all she's hyped up to be, Halle Berry sucks...she sucks grandma lips.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:49 a.m. CST

    OK George you win.

    by FluffyUnbound

    You are officially the funniest guy to post at this site. No one else has to try to be funny any more.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:54 a.m. CST

    I mean, this bit is funnier than even Meleractor [unintentionall

    by FluffyUnbound

    "I SPEND SLEEPLESS NIGHT AFTER SLEEPLESS NIGHT WONDERING WHEN THE HELL SOMEONE IS GOING TO FIGHT FACE CREAM FOR US." Dude, that is some funny shit.

  • June 25, 2004, 8:59 a.m. CST

    this will be a lot sexy fun

    by silent_light

    .....ESC are doing the FX, which are bound to deliver...I think the tongue is firmly in cheek in all of this by WB et al. This will be no better or worse than most films.

  • June 25, 2004, 9:09 a.m. CST

    Quit the Eurotrashing already.

    by Mr Jingles

    Coming from Germany and reading a lot of U.S. media I have gotten used to a lot of the Eurotrashing that goes on in the States these days and have learned to take it with a grain of salt. BUT, Dr. Curious Hump describing this film as "very European" is an insult that goes too far. That was below the belt-line. Everything I have seen and heard about this movie looks so incredibly bad and cheesy that Warner Bros. should be made to apologize to everyone who has even been suffered to see the trailer. So what's European about short dialogue (oh yes that's right, Ahnuld: I'll be back.) Anyway, I hope this movie makes zero box office in the states, maybe that way I'll be spared from having to look at ad-boards showing Halle Berry sporting a catsuit on my way to work and the thing will go straight to DVD over here. And please, if you want to make fun of Europeans, go back to mocking speedos or women with hairy legs and all the other stuff. Otherwise we will have to retaliate. Some German conglomerate could take over a U.S. TV-channel and start showing "Schwarzwaldklinik" or "Unser Charly." Then at least you would have something European to really whine about.

  • June 25, 2004, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Yet another person who doesn't know what "literally" means...

    by Medieval Guy

    OK, I'm being picky, but this has always been a pet peeve. Why do so many people thingk that "literally" means its exact opposite, "figuratively"?

  • June 25, 2004, 9:34 a.m. CST

    In regards to all the criticism

    by Bcphil

    I don't know what in the world I have done to invoke such anger from everyone here, all I have asked is that you at least see the movie yourself and make your own opinion. I am telling you most of these reports are false and I still challenge the so called reviewer of this film to join this debate because I don't think he even saw it. I am also confused as to why everyone is calling me a plant or accusing me of being on drugs. I am sharing with you my opinion on a film which I thought these talk backs were supposed to be about. Everything about this movie is right, the casting for example features and academy award winning actress which is a rarity in Super Hero/Comic book genre films. The villain is played by Sharon Stone, one of the best actresses in Hollywood. The supporting cast is great, the visuals are spectacular, and the plot is something both new and tied in with the nostalgia of the original Catwoman character. I have yet to see anyone list a legitimate reason why they think this film will be so horrible? All I have seen is profanity and some rather lewd comments. I would ask all of you to just see this movie and make up your own mind, I still post here form time to time and I will be glad to take your apologies then when you realize how wrong you were on this. The film is very much like Blade Runner and when you see it you will see it goes out of it's way to show appreciation for both the casual movie fan and the well schooled film buff like most of you are. I want to thank Chicken Greg for being the only person to be serious and keep an open mind about this movie.

  • June 25, 2004, 9:43 a.m. CST

    Why are you giving it space on the site?

    by Dolmes

    Why have Wolves sold Okoronkwo? What purpose did that serve? Has Dave Jones no sense or is there a greater plan for the good of the team? I hope so. I mean I never saw Billy Wright play but I reckon the Nigerian international comes close in reliability. John De Wolf. Keith Curle. Lawrie Madden. Tom Bennett. Isaac Okoronkwo. Had to be? Alas no to be. Oh well, I resign myself to the horrible prospect that Catwoman turns out to be awesome and Batman Begins ends up wishing it hadn't. Come on the Wolves. Kristanna Loken owns a Wolverhampton Wanderers shirt you know! FUCKING AWESOME!

  • June 25, 2004, 9:44 a.m. CST

    Sharon Stone is a bad actress?

    by Bcphil

    Are you being serious or is this a joke? Please don't take this the wrong way but that is one of the most absurd things I have ever heard, ever. Your talking about the same woman from Casino? The same actress who was the it girl of the 90's after Basics Instinct? She is easily one of the best middle aged actresses of her generation and she rarely plays villains but when she does she owns those parts, that's why this role is so perfect for her. Your comments on Halle Berry are also as wrong as they are childish. I don't even know how to respond to them. You have discredited one of the best performances we have seen on film in the last ten year's, Monster's Ball is easily this generations To Kill a Mocking Bird.

  • June 25, 2004, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Thank God Britney Busted Her Knee So She Doesn't Have To Be Apar

    by Mr. Profit

    Outrageous indeed. The only reason I would have seen Catwoman was if Jlo was in it. I would have paid to see her fill out a cat suit. Halle is looking like she could be SMG's black sister lately. Both girls need to gain weight stat.

  • June 25, 2004, 9:58 a.m. CST

    And what superhero wears Open Toed Shoes?

    by Mr. Profit

    "I'm Catwoman, pray for mercy...." To which I reply by stomping her feet because her toes are exposed. What a hideous costume.

  • June 25, 2004, 9:59 a.m. CST

    Just the facts:

    by K0NY

    * The protagonist is brought back to life because a bunch of cats congregate over her corpse. Were that a possibility, I suspect we'd be overrun with undead mice by now. * Face cream that makes you melt would never be released by any cosmetics company, ever, because these companies want to stay in business and not be sued for millions. Never mind the fact that something that melts people's faces also somehow makes them super impervious to attack from cat women. * No matter how many celebrity names are in your cast, it can't wipe away the problems with a bad script or bad direction. * "judging for yourself" is a stupid reason to go see a movie. When you see smoke coming from a window you don't go inside to make sure there's a fire. If the commercials look bad, the reviews are all bad and the word of mouth is all bad, the first thing I think is that the film is bad...not that there is some conspiracy out there to bash a specific studio. * Claiming a movie will make $100 million is not a selling point. All it does is identify you as an industry person who cares about grosses over quality film making.

  • June 25, 2004, 10 a.m. CST

    These two racist motherfuckers SHOULD have been kicked out of th

    by Bill Maher

    These two cross-burning dickheads should run back to their film studies class at Tulsa Community College and beat off to copies of Film Comment. Fuck these racist nitwits.Halle Berry is a strong, PROUD black actress who blazed a trail for other African-American starlets. Do you think Charlize Theron, another strong, PROUD black actress would have won the Oscar were it not for Berry? FUCK NO! Theron was so good people thought she was actually WHITE! Anyone who attacks a Halle Berry movie (especially you wannabe film school jackoffs) is racist and should shave his head, put on jackboots, tattoo a swastika on his forehead, burn some crosses and just be done with it. They aren't just trying to keep black actresses down, they're trying to keep fine as hell black actresses "in their place". The Buttfuck Bandits should run home and pump each other, then drop dead.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:01 a.m. CST

    Hump is humping us

    by Cotillion

  • June 25, 2004, 10:04 a.m. CST

    chicken greg?

    by gredenko

    that's the funniest thing i've heard all day since IT'S OVER TIME! and by the way, there's more than a little sarcasm going on in 'chicken greg's' post, i think. If you want serious reasons for why people think this film will tank, you need look no further than the trailer. The action pieces look like leftover bits from Barb Wire, the Catwoman costume is insultingly stupid and takes female hero characters BACKWARDS in time. The fact that the movie is not even attempting to tie into the Batman mythos from where the character was born is a legitimate concern on its own, but when coupled with trailers that make Catwoman look like an overly-stylized straight-to-video teenage wankfest, I don't know how anyone can have a positive outlook.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:05 a.m. CST

    well well

    by AlgertMopper

    will this topple the "DareDevil" shitfest we saw last year, probably so. Will it out do "BatMan and Robin", for the sake of humanity leys hope nothing ever beat thats

  • June 25, 2004, 10:08 a.m. CST

    DR HUMP I LOVE YOU!!!

    by Fish Tank

    You've reeled in the idiots on this talkback that ACTUALLY think you are serious. I can just picture you sitting there laughing your ass off as these morons take your diatribe for real comebacks. COME ON PEOPLE he's only kidding! Hump - you are the master of subtle irony and comedy, and I give you the Talkback Trophy. I thought the other Talkbackers were intelligent, but I guess not. Hats off to you - I haven't laughed this hard in a loooong time. You ARE THE BEST!!!

  • June 25, 2004, 10:19 a.m. CST

    alright...

    by Nayman

    First of All, PUD, by saying that we cannot critique Halle Berry because she is black is Racist in it's own, twisted way. No one should be exempt from critisim because of thier race, jsut like no one should be critisized because of their race. People are bashing Sharon Stone as much as they are Bashing Halle Berry, and Boy is Sharron Stone White! As for the film... it will simply be a bad film. It has a bad script, hackneed performances, a poor visual style stolen from countless other films (BATMAN, THE MATRIX, UNDERWORLD, ETC), an uninspiring director, a entire script based on cliche, terrible, dardevilish FX and, oh yes, a very stupid costume. Oh well.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:20 a.m. CST

    YES! YES! I TOO SEE THE ABSOLUTE BRILLIANCE OF SCUBA DIVING CATS

    by 84 Charlie MoPic

    Chicken George you are my god! And a big shout out to my man Dr Hump! Dude, you had me going for a minute (who the fuck says "delicious mix" in real life?) but the Chicken Greg remak made me see the ligt. Brilliant - absolutely brilliant.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:24 a.m. CST

    The return of PUD

    by neemz

    It just HAD to happen in a Catwoman talkback. Not quite as funny as ChickenGeorge VII but a nice effort. As for Halle Berry being a "strong, proud black actress", well she might "possibly" qualify as black (when it suits her agenda to play the race card) but as far as being strong, I reckon most of us could beat her in an arm wrestling contest. And did no one tell her that pride comes before a fall?

  • June 25, 2004, 10:26 a.m. CST

    I'm starting to think we need to distribute satire detectors to

    by rev_skarekroe

    Hump had me fooled for awhile, too. sk

  • June 25, 2004, 10:30 a.m. CST

    My cat's breath smells like catfood.

    by Nice Marmot

  • Halle does not wear the open toed shoes during most of the action sequences for this film, they are however worn during many of the non action parts and in some parts of the final battle with Stone. So what? Now the shoes a character wears make or break a movie? Once again another criticism that has little basis in the real world but more in someone desperately looking for a way not to like a movie. I cannot seriously believe that some of you are criticizing this movie because the plot is fantastical, did you know that it was a super hero film? Most of them are a little fantasy oriented, I suppose another excellent movie coming out in the future, Superman, will be boycotted because people can't really fly. As far as the costume goes, is there really something wrong with a beautiful women in a hot delicous looking leather outfit?

  • June 25, 2004, 10:34 a.m. CST

    neemz, you asshole. Don't try that racist reverse psychology on

    by Bill Maher

    When that was just makeup to fool racist motherfuckers like you.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:36 a.m. CST

    RATWOMAN

    by robogeek.com

    'Nuff said.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:41 a.m. CST

    I don't have to see the movie to judge for myself.

    by FusionAddict

    It's ALLEGEDLY a DC comics superhero that completely strays from its source material. Catwoman DOES NOT HAVE SUPERPOWERS (Mr. Burton...), her name IS NOT PATIENCE PRICE, and she DOES NOT WEAR OPEN FUCKING TOE HEELS when she scampers through the night. If the movie is fo fan-fucking-tastic, why boot the people who rated it "poor" from the focus group (and I can confirm this was the case, some friends of mine were at the same screening)? Isn't the idea that the NEGATIVE ratings are the things that most impact how a film evolves? Hell, look at how ALIEN 3 was cut down after focus groups thought some of the gore was over the top. I witnessed the abomination called "trailer" for this film in front of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, my 12 year old brother even yelled out, to a packed theater, "Oh, please!" TO many murmers and raised fists of agreement. I don't have to see this film to have an opinion on it, in fact I pledge to never, EVER see this accursed piece of filth in ANY form. No theater will get my money for it, no video store will get my DVD rental or purchase money, no TV channel will ever get my Nielsen rating points. You would have to strap me into a chair with an attendant ready with eye drops a la A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, and even then I would still try my damnedest to gouge my eyes out with my tongue. Hump, you sir are probably the worst plant I've ever seen in my entire life (and I've seen some pretty sloppy ones too). Somebody HAS to be writing the stuff you're saying, because no one human mind could possibly conceive of such an inane concept as this fecal nugget being anywhere in the same plane of existence as BLADE RUNNER. And as for Sharon Stone... Ever seen KING SOLOMON'S MINES? POLICE ACADEMY 4? ALLAN QUATERMAIN AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD? ACTION JACKSON? SLIVER? THE SPECIALIST? SPHERE? GLORIA? THE MUSE? Need I go on dissectng this poor woman's career? She's hit-and-miss at best and you KNOW it. I'm still trying to get over the fact you compared this heresy to BLADE RUNNER. Hell, if we're gonna use Phillip K. Dick movies as a grading scale, it looks like it might possibly be comparable to IMPOSTOR if you want to be forgiving. But it ain't gonna stand up to TOTAL RECALL. And it sure as shit isn't even close to SCREAMERS, MINORITY REPORT or BLADE RUNNER. Saying a movie is "European" isn't encouraging. Europeans make movies with black and white film stock with no plot involving clowns flipping griddle cakes as a woman in a slip cries at a table while having her face licked by a vagrant. Fucking FIN.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Dear Mr. Hump...

    by clone-o-mat

    Don't ever change, you magnificent bastard! This is the first time in months I've read these craptastic talkback forums and not shit my shirt from boredom

  • June 25, 2004, 10:45 a.m. CST

    I imagine that this will be entertaining after a dozen drinks or

    by UnChienAndalou

    ...this thing has SHOWGIRLS written all over it.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:47 a.m. CST

    I believe we have a new Talkback Catchphrase, kids...

    by mortsleam

    And it is "Catwoman is this generation's To Kill A Mockingbird." Congrats Dr. Hump, you are pure genius.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:59 a.m. CST

    Trailer was a major disappointment

    by Stik

    Hello Plant, I think the major problem with Catwoman is that the trailer was HORRIBLE. Based on my past experience, bad trailer = bad movie. Often, good trailer = bad movie. Never, bad trailer = good movie. I am not holding my breath for this one...

  • June 25, 2004, 11:03 a.m. CST

    yeah this one is gonna be as good as barb wire.

    by yeah i'm a jerk!

    lets face it the only reason to see this would be to oogle halle berry's fine body. i think we can file this comic book movie away with other winners such as supergirl, the roger corman fantastic four movie,steel, the captain america movies (both the matt salinger turd, and the reb brown t.v. movies) and the wonder woman t.v. movie starring cathy lee crosby. i'm also betting we can add mcgee's superman movie when it finally gets made.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:05 a.m. CST

    she only wears the open toed shoes for some of final fight scene

    by satansteve

    what does she stop midway to change shoes? I dont think so. shut up towelie.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:07 a.m. CST

    don't forget

    by clone-o-mat

    Nick Fury, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D starring Michael Knight.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:13 a.m. CST

    I liked Vidocq.

    by Shan

    OK, I realise this had very little to do with the topic but I had to say it.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:13 a.m. CST

    Possible new horror film pitch for Halle...

    by Agador

    "Hell on Wheels: Halle drives a Hummer to Work". Horror hits the streets of L.A. after a series of unfortunate events leaves Halle without limo service. The LAPD is perplexed and the body count rises when Halle is forced to driver the vanity Hummer. No one is safe from this "Hell on Wheels".

  • June 25, 2004, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Charlize Theron

    by neemz

    Pud, you've opened my blinkered, racist eyes. Charlize Theron is obviously black/white/green with purple spots. A fine tribute to the Hollywood makeup industry.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:18 a.m. CST

    Hell on Wheels: Halle drives a Hummer to Work".

    by neemz

    I love it! What's worse, it's a more intelligent idea for a movie than this Catwoman tripe.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:18 a.m. CST

    About the open toed shoes....

    by Mr. Profit

    I am not the type of person that wont see a film because the costume isn't right. If that was the case I wouldn't have seen X1 and X2. I just saw the shoes in the poster and thought they weren't functional for a superhero. I work in HR and we tell employees during the dress code policy portion of the new hire orientation to not wear open toed shoes because it's a Worker's Comp risk. Aside from the silly subject of shoes, the real reason I wont see the movie is because Halle Berry can't act her way out of a wet paper bag. I hated Monster's Ball and everything she's been in. She's an overrated hack who got unwarranted recognition for being ugly in a movie because in real life she's "Beautiful". Not being an extremely critical talkbacker, just stating my opinion.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:23 a.m. CST

    You guys need to read this for a huge laugh....

    by Mr. Profit

    http://www.alone-in-the-dark.com/news/news6.htm This man is crazy....

  • June 25, 2004, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Looks like Farenheit 911 won't be the ONLY crappy movie this Sum

    by Atomica

    Luckily Moore's pathetic attempt at filmmaking will have some company in Catwoman. Wow. 2 Shitty movies that are going to Bomb and lose tons of Money to Spider-Man 2. Thank God these idiots are freaking tactical enough to release so Close to Spidey.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:30 a.m. CST

    Why do they always do this?

    by ApeStone75

    They take perfectly good characters from comics, characters who have no superhuman powers, who are just awesome athletes, who have strived to become something better, and they have them die and return with superpowers. That's what always attracted me to the Batman comics, no character was superhuman in anyway. They were smart, or athletic, or disfigured in someway that made them become what they became. But now with this piece of crap movie coming out and keeping the whole Burton vision of Catwoman alive, I wanna kill myself. If this movie had taken the actually story of Selina Kyle, that she was a prostitute that was taught to fight back, who used her new knowledge to get herself out of that life, sure she turned to burgulary, but she also kicked a lot of bad guy ass in the process. But it would've been a deeper story than this pile of filth.

  • June 25, 2004, 11:42 a.m. CST

    When Curious Dr. Hump writes...

    by Darth Diego

    ...all I read is, "Just drink the Cool-Aid. It's really good. Trust me."

  • Geroge the 7th chicken, you truly are one funny mo fo. i must say that i respect everything that dr curious hump has had to say. i mean if someone doesn't respect retards for trying to not be themselves in a society of normal people who have a modicum of common sense, who will? this movie will be one of if no the worst "superhero" and i use that term so very loosely, of all fucking time!! nothing about this movie screams DIRTY BOMB!! also, i'm sorry, but anyone who thinks that halle berry is a good actress who deserved that oscar is a moron. i'm not a racist by any means. i don't judge her because shes black, i judge her because she sucks!and lets face it. she only won the oscar because she's black. she's not even all black, she's halfrican american, so don't give me that shit about how she's a PROUD black actress. in case you didn't notice, the only person that deserved that oscar that night was denzel because he's a shit hot actor in my opinion. what the hell has sidney poitier done in the last 20 years that was so good that he should get the lifetime achievement award? not a damn thing! and another thing to the idiot who claims that charlize theron is black. why? because she's from africa? moron...the brits and such other white folks settled that land a long fucking time ago. she's white...white white white white white!! next you are gonna tell me that dave mathews is a PROUD black musician because he's south african. some people's stupidity and absolute willingness to jump on the everyone's a racist so we all deserve special treatment bandwagon. cut that shit out. catwoman looks like shit, and will turn out as such. sharon stone is going to suck because she's in this movie. what the hell kind of plot-line is cosmetics that slowly kill people while the ceo's sit in their tower laughing maniacally. why do i see this happening at some point in this movie. also she used so much of it that her skin is now impervious to pain? WTF?!?! are you fucking kidding me? this is retarded...no actually this is a complete insult to all that wear the mantle of retard. Pitof is a hack that isn't even suited to direct a family christmas video for fuck sakes. the biggest male lead they could get to be in this shit stain on the underwear of life is benjamin fucking bratt? gimme a break. that right there should tell you something. sharon stone and benjamin fucking bratt, both washed up has beens who would do any movie thrown at them so that they can get a paycheck. i completely understand why ashley judd ran screaming away from this movie. she would have been perfect in my opinion. shes so hot and sultry and sexy. but either way you look at it, this movie would have still sucked even with her divine presence. the good thing was that she came to her senses and realized that catwoman would have completely killed her career so she opted out. this movie has no respect for the source material, the character, or the intelligence of the audience which i am certain will be minimal at best. no one with any self respect for themselves or the REAL character of catwoman as she should be will fill any one seat in the theater on the the day that will forever be thought of as the piece of shit movie not seen anywhere around the world. maybe, just maybe i'll watch it when it hits basic television although i'm certain that when it's over i'll have wished i had watched 48 hours of telemundo(i don't even speak a lick of spanich) or perhaps i'll just pop in my copy of the fantastic four movie or the JLA movie and feel better about myself for not giving in. i will in no way pay to see this movie...ever! wait...by pay i mean monetarily. i am sure that my senses and my mind will take quite a toll if i do. anyway...i'm off my tangent. all who would say give this movie a chance after seeing anything about it is a fag plain and simple. you people should be ashamed of yourselves and may God have mercy upon your feable souls. testicleez out

  • June 25, 2004, 12:03 p.m. CST

    FusionAddict

    by melbrs

    looks like somebody watched Family Guy last night

  • June 25, 2004, 12:06 p.m. CST

    Holy sex kitten giraffes in a ceiling fan store looking for blac

    by Neosamurai85

    Is anyone but me troubled by the fact that the CATWOMAN talkback board is bigger than the HITCH HIKER board? Peace.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:17 p.m. CST

    insult to the DC comic cattwoman Fans !!!

    by paulyd30

    as a subscriber to the DC comic Catwoman this is the biggest insult to the Fans that actually buy the DC comic book Catwoman. How could WB let this script get loose. I cannot believe this at all. what an insult !! Holly Berry is NOT catwoman not even close to sylina Kyle sorry ! go back to playing a pathetic Storm.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:25 p.m. CST

    Mr. Profit, that was fucking awesome!

    by Rob_Graves

    Holy fuck, that guy is completely wacked out! I was once a fan of stopping Uwe Boll from making movies, but let him go go go! These trainwrecks are awesome to download! I mean...I mean watch. At the theater.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:28 p.m. CST

    This talkback has gone to hell... First, we have Plantman Hump,

    by IAmJacksUserID

    I don't know who's worse but I would wager on Pud! because his bullshit is so repetitive and uninteresting. Pud!, please do humanity a favor and stick your head in a meat grinder.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:30 p.m. CST

    In a nutshell.

    by ewokstew

    1) Halle Berry acted her ass off in Monster's Ball. Period. 2) She made a huge mistake acting in this movie. It will not do well. 3) Hump is a plant or just plain clueless. 4) "Blackademy" is the only thing remotely racist I've heard in the talkback thus far. And actually, despite some of the truth behind it, it's more stupid than it is racist. 5) Nuff' said!

  • June 25, 2004, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Mr Soprano...

    by IAmJacksUserID

    My hopes is that you are so fucking banned you will have no choice but to go back to molesting your house pets and cease to bombard us with your incoherent ramblings. Funny, you are so goddamned retarded you misspelled your name in the post, you fucking twat headed fucksniffer. Please take your bullshit and go away.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:42 p.m. CST

    Frankly, I can't wait for the Halle pans. If hope she never work

    by MiserableRainGod

    Remember in that Oscar speech when Halle said that black women throughout Hollywood's history were discriminated against, because none had ever won an Oscar? I thought that was pretty funny, seeing as how Hollywood is the most liberal place on the planet; yet here's Halle, full of fake tears and accusing Hollywood of racism. Heaven forbid she just accept that, unfortunately, none of the "best female performances in a lead role" had yet been from a black actress in that year. Nope, it has to be racism. And she can say it and get applause, because she's just won an award and if we boo a black woman, then WE must be racist. Then she proceeded to tell Vivica A. Fox and Jada Pinkett that now that she had broken the barrier that THEY could do it to...um, not if they don't go to acting school, they can't. Halle, YOU'RE the racist - saying that black female actors are judged, or should be judged, by different standards, than whites, or only giving shout outs and support to your fellow horrible actresses (just because they're young and black) couldn't she choose some talented young ones instead, and not based it on race? Dear God, give us more Pam Grier.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Dr. Hump

    by Immortal_Fish

    You've asked for reasonable dissent. I'll try my best. I tend not to care for movies that insult my intelligence. It's one thing to expect me suspend disbelief. That doesn't appear to be what is happening here. Please consider these few elements... hissing, drinking warm milk, devouring tuna, the catnip, sleeping in an elevated spot, and on it goes. I understand you don't believe the reviewer actually seen the movie, but you must at least lend some credence to the analogy drawn toward Spider-Man. Granted, Hellboy came from hell and Hulk was a hulk, but did the Crow "crow" and did Batman piss ammonia? Batman Returns went a bit far with the 9-lives thing, but that version of Catwoman will most likely remain a more satisfying interpretation of the character. I haven't seen the movie yet and I'll withhold judgement, but judging from what little I've seen the outlook is pretty bleak.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:45 p.m. CST

    Oscar Embarrassment

    by Jervis Tetch

    Given that Halle gave perhaps the most embarrassing and self-serving speech in Oscar history, it is interesting that her performances in this film (per the above review) and certainly in "Die Another Day" (I've seen that one) were sub-par. The Academy really should have a "revocation clause" to take back Oscars when their winners prove unable to carry simple action film roles.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:47 p.m. CST

    I've never actually spit coffee through my nose reading AICN

    by Homer Sexual

    But Dr. Hump made me do it. Hilarious! Which line is the best? Despite comparing CW with Blade Runner and declaring Sharon Stone "competent" and an ideal supervillain, I think "Coenesque" dialogue is what really gave me the giggles. But I might actually go see this for the same reason I went to Showgirls, because I think Catwoman will be hilarious, howlingly funny and I wish I could make a plan to attend the same showing the poster who said he's going to yell "it's OVER-TIME!" See, Gothika was just plain crappy, but Catwoman is sure to be uber-mega-craptacular!

  • June 25, 2004, 12:47 p.m. CST

    Thanks to the Curious Dr Hump

    by Harker-Writes

    It's been a long time since we had two people who've actually seen the movie share their views in a Talkback. Usually one guy gives a view which provokes the illiterate to dump all over it. It's amazing how many people think you want to hear about the movies they are NOT going to see! The Curious Dr Hump may be a plant but at least he can spell unlike the many who have the temerity to suggest the script might be somewhat flawed (though I dare say not quite as flawed as their postings). I don't mind a plant from the studio taking the debate further. At least we can assume that he's seen the movie people are talking about. And it's interesting to read his defence. I'd much rather read that than the twittering of someone who has not now nor ever will see the movie in question. As to whether the movie is good or bad, I guess only those who buy a ticket will know for sure. I bought a ticket to see Blade Runner on its original release. I thought it the finest sci-fi movie ever made. I'm glad that Talkbackers weren't around then to spoil the experience.

  • June 25, 2004, 12:56 p.m. CST

    "Catwoman": Greenlit by shaved apes."

    by Uncapie

    Shaved Ape #1-"Hey, we have a shitty script called 'Catwoman.' What do we do?" Shaved Ape #2-"I know, we'll throw a bunch of money into production and make it a star vehicle!" Shaved Ape #1-"Brilliant! What about Whitney Houston?" Shaved Ape #2-"She's in rehab." Shaved Ape #1-"What about Brooke Shields?" Shaved Ape #2-"Nahhh, she's doing the $80 million dollar 'Suddenly Susan' movie." Shaved Ape #2- "$80 million!" Shaved Ape #1-"Yeah, its low budget." Shaved Ape #2 is seen taking a deep hit from his bannana shaped crack pipe. A long, continuous stream of smoke ehales from his mouth into the air. His eyes focus in and out before he speaks. Shaved Ape #2-"I've got it! Oscar(r) winning star Halle Berry!" Shaved Ape #1- YOU'RE A GENIUS! Shaved Ape #2- Hey, you can smear shit on celluloid and people will pay to see it. Heh, heh." Shaved Ape #1- "Have another bannana."

  • June 25, 2004, 1:11 p.m. CST

    The movie is going to suck and here's why:

    by Scoop2

    When Tim Burton made the first Batman movie he pointed out that there was no reason to make a superhero flick if you weren't going to examine why the character would don the costume - and continue to don the costume. Cetainly an isolated event can cause a person to seek justice, but that doesn't necessarily lead to them down a new life path with a costumed persona in tow. This new Catwoman, Patience?, doesn't have a real reason to - other than plot devices that appear to have been lifted from the Batman sequels. Once she gets Sharon Stone's villain, what reason is there for her to not mothball the costume? When Eric Draven came back from the dead in "The Crow", he was driven by a need to exact revenge. When he was done exacting the revenge, he went back to the grave and did not rise again. Realistically, what would stop the Patience character from doing this (well, as realistically as one can come up with in a situation in which characters can come back from the dead)? The Selina Kyle continuity provides a complex character that allows for some serious psychological study. Like Batman, she develops her ability to protect others out of tragic circumstances. Unlike Batman, however, she maintains a sense of putting her own needs first (which is what leads her into catburglary and crime) and is why she serves as an excellent foil to Batman. Her bio from the DC site sums it up pretty well: " Orphaned as a little girl by a suicidal mother and an alcoholic father, Selina Kyle spent time in a state home for girls before escaping an abusive headmistress to live in Gotham City. Vowing never to go hungry or wanting again, Kyle used her natural acrobatic skills and keen wits to become the most accomplished thief Gotham has ever known. As Catwoman, Selina's deeds have not escaped the Batman's notice, though she has continually eluded capture by remaining one step ahead of the Dark Knight and Gotham's law enforcement. Catwoman is no altruist, though she has fought the good fight on occasion and worked on the side of angels. If she does the "right" thing, it is usually by her own design, and only if it suits her own whims or that of her purse strings. At least that's the story she's sticking to." Over time, the Catwoman persona becomes integral to her personality and she can't function unless she allows that side of her to exist (which was explored in excellent detail by Ed Brubaker in the first four issues of the current Catwoman comic). Now, one of the "tragic circumstances" that Selina finds herself in after her arrival in Gotham City is prostitution. John Rogers said in an interview that the Kate Kondell draft (which lead to the creation of Patience) was a direction the studio wanted to "explore", I can't help but wonder if that meant the studio wanted to create a sanitized version of the Catwoman story because they didn't feel comfortable with the character's origins as a hooker. In which case, why not call her something other than Catwoman and be done with it? Unless the studios are hoping that using a familiar comic book character name will lure people into the theaters.

  • June 25, 2004, 1:20 p.m. CST

    I would like to have seen Diane Lane play Selina Kyle.

    by Mosquito March

    In a *real* CATWOMAN movie, that is.

  • June 25, 2004, 1:26 p.m. CST

    "the prowling feline who

    by MrCere

    So if I read that correctly, Halle Berry's character gets fingered a bunch of times? Sounds like A GREAT GREAT GREAT movie to me. This is going to hurt Berry's carrer but it isn't her fault, except for saying "YES" of course. Pay day. Pay day. Pay day.

  • June 25, 2004, 1:34 p.m. CST

    The Curious Dr Hump.

    by Dokkalvar

    I'm curious, who do you work for? Do you work directly or indirectly for Warner Bros? Or are you just some misguided fan looking to go against the grain? I agree that Sharon Stone is a GOOD actress, like Haley Berry, and is lumped into the same cateogry of talented thespians who've made deplorable career choices. (Sly Stalone, Charles Groden, .. some other guys, fill in the blanks). We the audience have become increasingly keen at spotting when they've hit gold or are on to a stinker - And this Sir smells like the corpse flower. --- Now I have one last thing to type. I've said it once before, Catwoman was the movie none of us ever wanted, or couldn't even concieve. The premise is so bad it's almost shamefull.

  • June 25, 2004, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Dr. Hump - I like how Sharon Stone goes from "competent", in you

    by Mosquito March

    You're trying too hard, man, in a losing battle.

  • June 25, 2004, 1:47 p.m. CST

    Curious Mr.Hump and others...

    by NightArrows

    Good lord, the fact that Curious Mr. Hump likes this movie doesn't surprise me, the fact that he is so enamored with it and others are actually trying tell the masses to GIVE THIS CELLULOID PLACENTA a chance is fucking beyond me. Curious MR. Hump, here is your agenda for the opening day of Catwoman: 8AM Put on the womens underwear you save for special occasions (don't bother showering....why ruin the streak?). Knock a few rounds out to your autographed picture of Mr.Frodo. (so you can walk faster to the cinema) 9AM Head down to the cinema with your Swordfish backpack on, full of healthy good-for-you-snacks, but don't forget to include the cyanide (that will come into play later). 10AM Get in line and calmly count to 10000 just so you don't get over excited and piss yourself before the movie even starts (during is quite acceptable). Also, describe the merits of Catwoman to passer-by's, noting the ones that punch you squaw in the face. 12PM Run full out into the theatre, pushing small children aside and fuckwads like NewYorkKid to the gum encrusted floor. Choose your desired seat for optimal Catwoman viewing pleasure, making sure you are near a fire exit in case of a fire. 12:30PM Sit back and watch the "...delicious mix of camp, great special effects, and an interesting story..." If you cry and piss yourself during the scary parts that is fine, as is pissing yourself during the funny parts, or pissing yourself during the exciting parts. 2PM Movie is over so repeatedly punch yourself in the fucking face and balls and then pop the cyanide pill from your backpack thus ending your life because nothing that will follow will be able to match the pure ecstasy that is the Catwoman film. Please be sure to hand out cyanide pills to fuckwads like NewYorkKid and anyone else in attendance that gave this aborted fetus of a film a chance, thus ending their streak of wasting oxygen on this our planet earth. I will have contacted the ushers of the theater to piss and shit on your fucked up corpse in retaliation for even MENTIONING Blade Runner in the same breath as Catwoman. Well that's it, fuck you and I hope you get Herpes before you end yourself at the big premiere of "the summer movie of 2004" you fucking sewer dwelling shiteater.

  • June 25, 2004, 1:55 p.m. CST

    is it still wednesday?

    by neckbone

    cause it's sure as hell 'hump day'. greatest poker face seen in these parts in ages, absolute brilliance. i'm now wondering if the guy's a plant from big red, what a great way to drum up talkback business. the good doctor has certainly piqued everyone's interest. and kudos to the catwoman crew, it's rare to make a movie so obviously brutal that people ARE 100% justified destroying it based on 1 minute of trailer.

  • June 25, 2004, 1:58 p.m. CST

    I'm all for revoking her Oscar...

    by kingredrum

    ...as soon as their's a petition to do the same for Kidman (Stepford Wives), Roberts (Mona Lisa Smile), Swank (The Core), and Paltrow (View from the Top). Will this mivie suck donkey dick..very much so I'm sure...but when the closet rednecks start screaming about "blacademy awards" then I know the criticism has to do with more than just the woman's performance.

  • June 25, 2004, 2:03 p.m. CST

    ... and I'm tired of waiting!!!!

    by JDanielP

  • June 25, 2004, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Revoke All Their Oscars

    by Jervis Tetch

    I'm all for taking back Kidman's, Swank's, Roberts (how joyless and self-important she's become) and especially Paltrow's (take back the "Shakespeare in Love" Best Picture win over "Saving Private Ryan" win, too.) We'll be wanting to take back Charlize Theron's soon, too. And don't forget the guys: Nicholas Cage's should be revoked, definitely Robert Begnini the idiot or whatever his name was and Adrien Brody's, too. Jeremy Irons (from "Reversal of Fortune" to "Die Hard 3" Eurotrash?) While we're at it we must go backwards in time and revoke Richard Dreyfuss's for the embarrassment that was "The Goodbye Girl." It's all part of the same Oscar idiocy. Still, Miss Berry did go above and beyond the call of shameless Oscar self-promotion with that bizarre speech she made, with her mouth gaping open and sobs coming out over her price going up by $10 million. She's in a distinct class that lords over the rest of us: gorgeous women with big breasts and lots of money. WE'RE the minority group. Revoke her Oscar along with everybody else above (the worst of whom, I'll tell you, is Paltrow.) Nothing racial about it.

  • June 25, 2004, 2:13 p.m. CST

    DrHump, Please read.

    by Blok Narpin

    I will not see Catwoman. I am seriously ANGRY about Catwoman. I will tell you why. It has nothing to do with the script. I haven't seen the film or read the script. It has nothing to do with the cast. I have nothing against Berry or Stone. I won't see it because it's not Catwoman. I am a Catwoman Fan. I read it every month, and know the character quite well. Catwoman is SELINA KYLE. Bob Kane created Catwoman in 1940. Back then she was Selina Kyle, and she still is to this day in her monthly book. To make a Catwoman movie where Catwoman is NOT named Selina Kyle is disrespectful. It's a slap in the face to the fans. It's a slap in the face of the late Bob Kane. To make a Catwoman movie where Selina Kyle isn't Catwoman is the equivlant of making a Superman movie in which the man of steel is NOT from Krypton, but from Pluto, and is not Clark Kent, mind Mannered reporter for the Daily Planet but instead Philbert Johnson, a plumber from Jersey! As soon as I heard the character was named Patience Phillips they had lost me. No matter how good the film was it would not be Catwoman. And why would I want to see a film called Catwoman that isn't actually about Catwoman? Then the first publicity shots came out. The costume is one of the worst I have ever seen. Catwoman was wearing what appeared to be Victoria's Secret underwear! ! This is a character who prowls the rooftops and alleyways late at night. She fights crime (and sometimes takes part in a little). What kind of protection does a Black bra and nothing else offer her when she's in a fight?? Then I saw the TV commercials. SHe has "cat powers". Cat eyes, and such. COME ON! Catwoman HAS no powers. She is like Batman. She is a skilled fighter and athlete but has no superpowers! This movie is disrespectful to every fan that loves this character. It's disrespectful to the creator. As a movie it could be wonderful, for all I know. But it should not have been called Catwoman because it ISN'T CATWOMAN!!! What is even worse is that Catwoman would make an excellent movie, if done right. The comic book has a very film noir look and feel to it. A nice moody, atmospheric adaptation of the current series would be a great film. But no. Warners chose not to give us that. Instead we get a woman named Patience prancing around in her underwear. The sad thing is Warners is sitting on a goldmine with the DC universe properties. It amazes me that they are so incompetent in bringing them to the screen. Look how wonderful Sony's Spider-Man was, and how great Fox's X-Men films and Daredevil were. Then look at what Warners offers us. Birds of Prey. Batman and Robin. Steel. Catwoman. Early word has it that they finally got it right with Batman Begins, but they are ready to flush Superman down the toilet next. Oh well. At least they got Smallville right. Some are calling you a plant. I don't know if that's true or not. I kind of hope you are. If you are (and you don't need to tell me) please take what I've said back to Warners. We hate movies like Catwoman because we love these classic characters so much. It breaks our hearts to see them so mishandled. At the recent Wizard World Philly convention I sat in on a DC comics panel. When the Catwoman movie was mentioned the entire room booed, and the comics creators on the panel echoed the sentiment. Warners is sitting on a mega bomb with Catwoman, and it didn't need to be that way. If the movie was made right I would have gladly paid my 8 bucks to see it (multiple times). As it is now, I'm gonna pass.

  • June 25, 2004, 2:43 p.m. CST

    I don't understand why everyone is still talking about this....

    by andrew coleman

    This movie will suck! It is that simple, but it will suck just like a lot of other movies this summer, like Van Helsing and Troy. I mean like Dodgeball was so fucking bad I can't believe people liked it, and if you want to talk about racism on this site then lets talk about White Chicks another dumb ass comedy coming out this summer. Jesus I can't wait for Spider-man 2 and I,Robot I feel like I am loosing my mind with all this bad movie talk

  • June 25, 2004, 2:46 p.m. CST

    and another name from the "take back that Oscar" list...

    by MiserableRainGod

    Cuba Gooding, Jr! That guy has made worse than deplorable decisions. Or maybe he's just a bad actor...I don't know. Everyone thought he was a genius because he said, "Show me da money, Jerry," but in reality he is that much of a tard. Unfortunately, everyone who wins has made some clunkers, so whatchagonnado?

  • June 25, 2004, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Shoulda been a porn film featuring our mercy-Oscar winner Halle

    by StoneMonkey

    That's what woulda got my hard earned cash to pay for this piece of used toilet paper. I'll wait for the DVD release or, better yet, the bootleg in a few days time.

  • June 25, 2004, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Halle Berry is the Embodiement of Sex and Must Be Worshipped

    by blmofo

    Film/Shmilm!! Her tits, her ass, her legs! That's all that matters. Anyone who criticizes her should be killed for disrespecting one of the best pieces of ass in the last 25 years. 'nuff said!

  • June 25, 2004, 2:53 p.m. CST

    thank you Humpy

    by GypsyTRobot

    plant or not, you made me laugh. It's unneccessary to say anything to ChickenGeorge, he knows we all appreciate his drunken dedication.

  • June 25, 2004, 2:54 p.m. CST

    And yet HACK directorys CONTINUE to get funding.

    by Rcamacho2278

    Paul Anderson, McG, The guy who did House of the Dead, Stephan Summers, ALL hack directors who continue to shove out shit, yet get HUGE budgets to do films. why?

  • June 25, 2004, 2:58 p.m. CST

    I'm a plant...

    by SaintofKillers

    Some form of giant lobotomised Sunflower and I think this movie will rock!

  • June 25, 2004, 2:59 p.m. CST

    Deac Speaks..... curious Dr.hump

    by Deacon

    i quote "obviously is trying to smear this movie as many people have tried to do with Troy, the upcoming Superman movie, Alexander, and Constantine" well..... funny how every other movie he mentioned us smearing are all WarnerBrothers movies....upcoming or failed WarnerBrothers movies, and look when trying to compare it to a movie we love and admire? they pick the one movie in their archives that we DO actually love, Blade Runner, another WarnerBrothers movie!... and a blind, deaf, sense impaired, one legged, black/jewish midget named "Winston" could see the doom this is headed for... i'm talking Around The World in 80 Days doom... i predict 10 million opening weekend, followed by a 60% drop to 4 million the next weekend, and ff the top ten the next weekend with an abysmal 800,000 the third and final weekend this thing is in theaters. what were those stupid bastards thinking. and if ANYONE thinks Sharon Stone is a great actress...have you even SEEN the specialist? i have... and i'm fucking scarred for life

  • June 25, 2004, 3:03 p.m. CST

    Proof

    by SaintofKillers

    That Curious Dr Hump is in fact a comedien and not a plant comes in the fact that he has not posted back since people have twigged on, kudos to you sir! You are with out doubt the funniest guy on the site, Harry, get this man an award, some form of cactus would be appropriate, with him being accused of being a plant and all, but we know no ones that stupid... Are they?

  • June 25, 2004, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Everyone Here Loves This Movie

    by Harker-Writes

    at least judging by the amount of time they're spending talking about it. I think the Curious Dr Hump has managed to give this movie a profile that it would otherwise find difficult to achieve. Give the guy a pay rise for a job well done! The studios have finally learned to take on the illiterati at their own game. Post below if you're an idiot who still insists he's not going to see this movie!

  • June 25, 2004, 3:11 p.m. CST

    Harry and Aint-it-cool-news VS Warner Bros, round 300

    by Dragonfire

    Sounds like the next batman and Robin to me.

  • June 25, 2004, 3:37 p.m. CST

    I guess it is as bad...

    by Lost Skeleton

    ...as the trailers. I, Robot looks bad too although the Japanese trailer looks decent.

  • June 25, 2004, 3:38 p.m. CST

    sorry, transmigrant...

    by joe brady

    but i'm about to smear both constantine and superman. one stars keanu, and the other is helmed by mcg. there; the campaign continues.

  • June 25, 2004, 3:50 p.m. CST

    This actually sounds goooood.

    by Omegaman

    A "non-hero" that steals jewelry, beats up her neighbors for makin noise, etc.... I like it....bout time we had a selfish anti-super-hero. And rubbing of catnip on her supples and lips and whatever....sounds like some kind of oral sex lotion. Ill lick it!!! heh... specially off her supples. Yummy!!! This guy thinks he was bashing this movee, but it actually makes it sound good - in a guilty pleasure kind of way. I really like the idea of a super-hero thats not a good guy. And that catfight at the end sounds funny as hell. I'm there!

  • June 25, 2004, 3:53 p.m. CST

    I can't wait!

    by lonesomerhodes

    I love me a bad movie and this looks and sounds like a hall of fame POS.

  • June 25, 2004, 3:58 p.m. CST

    dr towelie

    by satansteve

    plant or not, i still think hes a retard who needs his balls stamped on for even PRETENDING to like this garbage. one to prove if hes for real or not would be to ask if he likes batman and robin. so come dr hump...do u like it?

  • I hate the way she ruined the first x-men movie. It doesn't matter what she does, that will never be forgiven by me. She was so bad in X-men when she said What happens to a toad that gets struck by lightning? The same thing aaaa..geh. Then she said she didn't even want to be in it when she was on TV and made shit outta comic heros. Then she did X-men 2! She sucks shit. I don't care if this movie is good or bad I ain't going to it.

  • June 25, 2004, 4:17 p.m. CST

    I've read the script....

    by Jimmy Jazz

    Back when Ashley Judd was attached. It sucked then, it sucks now. Chicken George's Scuba diving cats have more entertainment and credibility than this piece of crap.

  • June 25, 2004, 4:20 p.m. CST

    I think Dr. Hump has it!

    by pizzatheface

    Come on, guys! Just give it a chance! (Right) I think Curious Dr. Hump is taking you all for a ride. He's not a studio plant. He's just ruffling your feathers and laughing his butt off about your responses. And I must say you guys are tops on the entire internet for busting someone's balls. I dare say Dr. Hump hasn't seen it at all, and hates the idea as much as you all do.

  • June 25, 2004, 4:21 p.m. CST

    And about pud...

    by joe brady

    I know PUD's been shit on plenty already, but I must say something: white people who have come to the states from South Africa are sometimes, humorously or otherwise, referred to as "African Americans". This does not mean that Charlize Theron and Dave Matthews are black. Because they're clearly not.

  • June 25, 2004, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Dr. Hump...

    by Childe Roland

    ...is the Andy Kaufman of the Catwoman Talkback. A misunderstood comic genius if ever there was one. You go, Humpman! Let us watch the monkeys dance!

  • June 25, 2004, 4:46 p.m. CST

    McG and Abrams are off SUPERMAN according to Dark Horizons!!!!!

    by IndustryKiller

    Take that hacks!

  • June 25, 2004, 4:52 p.m. CST

    Don't waste the time or money

    by SpikeTBB

    I always thought reviews and spoilers were to save us from spending money and time on crap productions, or at least part of the reason. If you

  • June 25, 2004, 4:55 p.m. CST

    If You Think This Movie Is Not For You...

    by Harker-Writes

    ...then don't see it. Although looking at the postings from Fun Boy and SatanSteve (boy wrestler!) I'd be surprised if they're old enough to see it. Get a grip guys. It's a Hollywood movie derived from a comic book. How good can it be? If you want mental stimulation finish your homework and go buy a book. Starting with a dictionary might be a good idea. Curious Dr Hump, who ever you are, thanks for posting an alternative viewpoint even if it is direct from the Studio. It's about time we questioned the reviews posted on this site. Some are excellent, though I'm tired of hearing every detail about how they got their tickets. Or listening to Harry compare it to sex (How would he know?). But others appear to be written by kids who even when they see a bad movie, can't write a cogent line about why they don't like it. Must be something to do with the ink they use in their comic books.

  • June 25, 2004, 5:08 p.m. CST

    Catwoman?

    by MasterShake

    So, uh, this dosn't star Julie Newmar? Halle Berry is Catwoman? WHAT THE FUCK? Fucking Julie Newmar in her 70's can out act and looks better naked than Halle "quick, what's my line" Berry! Next, you'll tell me there's no Adam West cameo.

  • June 25, 2004, 5:16 p.m. CST

    "It's overtime"

    by Ribbons

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! What shit! That's right, I pulled out the geek laugh. If you feel compelled to bear witness to the sheer spectacle that this is bound to be, wait until it comes on HBO, where you and your buddies can at least devise some sort of drinking game. Or masturbate.

  • June 25, 2004, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Speaking of CURIOUS

    by Ribbons

    It's CURIOUS that whenever movies with atrocious word-of-mouth are test screened, those who have negative comments in store are barred from discussion. Almost as curious as the rare growth of new, "optimistic," "tired of all the hatin'" talkbackers whenever said movies make headlines on AICN. Curious...

  • June 25, 2004, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Harker-Writes

    by RaylanGivens

    Congratulations on your foolproof method of singling out us "idiots" that won

  • June 25, 2004, 5:47 p.m. CST

    I still don't get this whole "metrosexual" phenomenom

    by beamish13

    what the hell does it really mean?

  • June 25, 2004, 6:34 p.m. CST

    Something fishy

    by Thing-Fish

    Blade Runner = another Warner Brother Brothers production ... "I have SEEN hell. I have been THROUGH it. Remember, I was signed to Warner Brothers for 8 fucking years!" - Frank Zappa.

  • June 25, 2004, 6:40 p.m. CST

    Pitof..

    by Thing-Fish

    One wonders WHY Pitof is doing this... I mean, look at the guy's CV, it's clear he's pretty talented. He was special effects supervisor to several remarkable films - Delicatessen, City of Lost Children, Alien Resurrection, Asterix, The Messenger... Sure, some people won't like all of these films (in particular, A:R and the Messenger were recevied with mixed reviews in the US) but I think most people would agree that the special effects and art direction of these films were pretty good (if not great). The only other film Pitof has actually directed was called "Vidocq" - well received, and, although I've never seen it, it is (to my knowledge) the first film EVER to have been entirely shot on digital video. (But despite that fact, it has not had ANY U.S. release, not even on DVD.) So ... What gives? Catwoman obviously looks like it's going to be a POS - why?

  • June 25, 2004, 6:46 p.m. CST

    Hilarious!

    by DocPazuzu

    One of the funniest talkbacks ever. Dr. Hump, you've been my TB hero ever since the TBs where you under another name (fuckknuckles, I believe) insisted that Greedo always shot first and that Lucas was inspired by Battlestar Galactica. Sheer laugh-out-loud genius! A question for the talkbackers who are slamming man-god Dr. Hump: how does it feel to have preserved for all to see your utter inability to perceive and appreciate brilliant comedy? One final note: ChickenGeorge, the line about scuba diving cats and the fight against face cream severely cracked me up.

  • June 25, 2004, 6:49 p.m. CST

    beamish

    by Ribbons

    What does metrosexual really mean or what does the phenomenon really mean?

  • June 25, 2004, 6:56 p.m. CST

    Pazuzu

    by Ribbons

    I'm sure I'll get over it

  • June 25, 2004, 6:59 p.m. CST

    Although...

    by Ribbons

    ...I WOULD be willing to bet that there are at least two plants on this talkback.

  • June 25, 2004, 7:19 p.m. CST

    Oscar Sellout Formula at Work

    by Jervis Tetch

    Not looking to single poor Ms. Berry out, I would note that in recent years, a few folks have followed the following Oscar formula: (1) Take role for peanuts in dramatic independent film ("Leaving Las Vegas," "Boys Don't Cry," "Monster's Ball," "Monster") (2) Get nominated for Oscar (contracts then give the actor more money for the nomination) (3) Win the Oscar (contracts then give the actor even MORE money for winning the Oscar), (4) increase salary by $10 million, and (5) take role in comic book or action picture for BIG BUCKS ("Con Air," "The Core," "Catwoman," "Aeon Flux"). I know that's how the biz works, but it's all so predictable, y'know?

  • June 25, 2004, 10:41 p.m. CST

    Halle Berry IS NOT BLACK!!!

    by ZeroCorpse

    She's HALF black! HALF! And she SUCKS!

  • June 25, 2004, 10:52 p.m. CST

    Slowbro: You agree with me but... & Dr. Hump

    by Transmigrant

    Slowbro: you picked apart my grammer useage? No real personal offense meant, but you either have way too much time on your hands or some sharp prick up your ass. As for my formal education background, I failed English all throughout high school and instead of going to college I decided to play music, touring Europe and the states, and so on. I never said I was highly educated nor did I try to come off as so. If you want to pick apart writings then check out Kurt Vonneguts work or any of the Beat era authors. They even start sentences with "And"!!! ::Gasp:: You might want to spell check this for me, though. I'm too lazy. DR.HUMP: People are giving you all the real feed back you want. You're just not reading it, rather focusing on the petty, insignificant responses. Things is, I won't go 'see for myself' because I'll only end up contributing to your 100 million mark goal and wasting perfectly good monkey I could spend on a 12 pack of New Castle.

  • June 25, 2004, 10:56 p.m. CST

    Joe Brady -

    by Transmigrant

    S'all right. We can't be right all the time. Difference was, though, that Dr.Chump was calling a negitive review of a SCREENING as a smear tactic. Now, what you're about to do is a smear tactic, but not said post above. Woot!

  • June 25, 2004, 11:11 p.m. CST

    chilling undertones

    by MaxHush

    This film will undoubtly fail, possibly from the outcry resulting from the chilling undertones of slavetimes, namely oscarwinnerhalleberry being persued dogs

  • June 25, 2004, 11:14 p.m. CST

    by MaxHush

    "by" dogs, damn you

  • June 26, 2004, 1:12 a.m. CST

    I HATE everything this movie represents. I SHIT of Pitof and I S

    by ComicBookGeek77

    There is a name to my pain, Bob, and it is Pitof. I curse a thousand curses on this fucking piece of shit French frog FUCK. Warner Bros or whomever it was that greenlit this atrocious piece of dogshit film handed Pitof the keys to daddy's Cadillac and a bottle of Makers Mark. He is/has FUCKED this up. I read in Wizard from this ASSHOLES very lips that he "purposefully" ignored the source material. Oh, this is he and Halle's "interpretation" of Catwoman. Whomever said you were a fucking artist you ASSHOLE? If it ain't broke DON'T FUCKING FIX IT. God, I am so fucking livid every time I think about this. For fuck's sake it ISN'T that hard to just read the comics. But NOOOOOO, these douchebags choose to SHIT on all of the thought and work the original creators and writers and artists invested into this character (as they are ALSO doing to Batman, again!) so they can give Halle Berry and Pitof their opus. Halle Berry? Oh my god she can't act worth a FUCK. She just happens to be Hollywood's "it" girl though...about a FUCKING YEAR AGO. Cause she was given an Oscar at a RIGGED Academy Award show so everything would work out just peachy. That way Denzel would get his Oscar, and Sidney Poitier would get his Oscar, and Halle would get her Oscar and the whole world would be so beautiful and perfect and equal! feh! I spit on Halle Berry. FUCK Halle Berry and FUCK this French fag...I mean metrosexual... Pitof. Fuck the lot of em. I would have rather seen someone who can actually act like Theron or Judd or FUCK even Pfeiffer RESUME the role over this bullshit. Selina Kyle is not Halle Berry. Oh wait, as it turns out, this "incarnation" of Catwoman isn't even named Selina Kyle! Gee. I have lost almost ALL of my faith in comic book adaptaions. I really hope Spider Man doesn't suck.

  • June 26, 2004, 1:24 a.m. CST

    *edit* I SHIT *******ON*******Pitof.

    by ComicBookGeek77

    I know some shallow ASSHOLE is going to point out my careless typo. I can't help it if my chubby fingers cause me to make mistakes. And I sure as FUCK don't care enough about you dipshits to run my responses through a spell checker.

  • June 26, 2004, 1:39 a.m. CST

    Blok Narpin is absolutely right.....Bob Kane is spinning in his

    by ComicBookGeek77

    THIS shaved ape WILL be flinging shit at the screen. And I am not going to pay to see this "film" either. Why would I support such an act of impudence and blatant lack of respect on Warner Bros part. Why should I fill there coffers? I will pay to see "White Girls" and hop theaters before I support this vehicle. FUCK YOU PITOF....I hate you, you Euro-FUCK. I ESPECIALLY HATE Warner Bros. These COKE snorting assholes have gone and FUCKED things up again so they can finance their WHORES and BLOW. FUCK YOU ASSHOLES.

  • June 26, 2004, 4:46 a.m. CST

    Mr Jingles, while I agree with your point...

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    ...please don't actually pay Euro-bashers any attention. They don't merit it. Like "angry white males" etcetera they are a media creation. The overwhelming majority of Americans have no view of Europe whatsoever. I live in a country that thinks Africa is a single nation. It's a terrible, sad fact. We are becoming a superpowered North Korea,

  • June 26, 2004, 4:59 a.m. CST

    Yah Vidocq was badass.

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    I liked it much better than Brotherhood of the Wolf. Even my insane then-girlfriend who hated everything seemed to semi-enjoy Vidocq.

  • June 26, 2004, 8:45 a.m. CST

    Here is your official "mock-name" for Catwoman...

    by ianiiixvi

    Ladies & Gentlemen...OK, just fellas because we know there ain't no ladies or gentlemen here. For your pleasure I present to you the official "smear" name for the movie - Catwoman. Feel free to use it in any and all posts that refer to the pain that you perceive this movie to be. Even if you havn't seen it. Are you ready? Good. The official "smear" name for all of you to use for the movie "Catwoman" is...(drumroll with rimshot) "SCatwoman." tm Thank you and goodnight.

  • June 26, 2004, 10:06 a.m. CST

    This talkback has been VERY good for my colon.

    by nomihs

    I can't believe that there are talkbackers like Chicken George and Dr. Hump. Whom I believe to be one in the same, a sick cruel outrageously funny joke played on us all by the mastermind of all talkback goodness, can go without saying. Good, bad, or ugly. This movie appears to be getting some blood pumping in alot of people. The trailers do nothing for me and I probably will never see the movie, but I can always say that I came close. This talkback is proof positve that there is still life on this planet. Intelligent or not? I think we all can decide the truth on that one.

  • June 26, 2004, 12:16 p.m. CST

    Bruce Campbell should play Catwoman...

    by Edward_nygma

    ... he can so do this part.

  • June 26, 2004, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Linxpro youare FUCKING wrong.

    by ComicBookGeek77

    Face it, moviemack has smacked you down like his little bitch. He obviously is a GEEK like myself and KNOWS what the fuck the TRUE Batman is. He actually READS the comics and probably celebrates the rich history of the Batman as have I. I have read almost every incarnation of the Batman. From the gun-toting Bob Kane Batman, to the milk drinking, war bond selling Batman of the 50's. To the BAD-ASS dark Neal Adams Batman. The Batman presented in Batman Begins is NOT Batman. Why would he choose to learn his skills from Ra's Al Ghul? That's FUCKING stupid. Why would he burn down his parent's legacy, Wayne Manor? Why would he steal prototype equipment thus drawing undue attention to himself? God, I wish half of you assholes that are defending this film have actually read the comics and as moviemack stated, BACK YOURSELF up with legitimate arguments instead of insisting the movie will be good because you liked Memento or you like the new Batsuit.

  • June 26, 2004, 2:48 p.m. CST

    To RaylanGivens

    by Harker-Writes

    If the Curious Dr Hump is a plant, then has has more chance of seeing the movie than RaylanGivens the idiot who prefers waiting in line and seeing movies through the eyes of people he does not know to buying a ticket and judging for himself. If you don't like to watch movies, you may be on the wrong website. And don't even think of arguing that this site is devoted to 'great' movies. Most of them are wonderfully crap from man in a suit extravaganzas to chick in rubber fiascos. The movie's called 'Catwoman,' what the hell were you expecting, Citizen Kane?

  • June 27, 2004, 4:04 a.m. CST

    Metrosexual Means...

    by FlickChick

    A new, irritatingly, "hip" phrase for a style/behavior that has been going on since before The Rat Pack...Heck, everyone's seen the powdered wigs in period romances, on the men.

  • June 27, 2004, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Dr. Hump

    by ManosTHOF

    Love your work man, it's genius. I can't wait to hear how Catwoman was the kind of film Sergio Leone always wished he could make.....

  • June 27, 2004, 7:01 p.m. CST

    BATMAN BEGINS...

    by satansteve

    I'm 19 years old, and I have been reading Batman since i was 4, thats 15 years for all you slow people, or McG. I like to think I have a pretty fair idea of what batman is and I gotta say...I don't mind batman begins at all. Continuity is being revamped all the time in comics. The story as I have gathered through reviews is Bruce Wayne meets Ducard in prison, and Ducard sees something in bruce and offers him to train in Ra's Al Ghul's league of shadows and when bruce finds out what Ra's is really about, he leaves. It's not bruce letting himself be trained by a criminal genius, its only when he finds out Ra's is the baddest bad dude on the planet that he leaves. As for the whole 'wayne enterprises as a war company' would u PLEASE read some script reviews? Wayne enterprises has been taken over in his absence and turned into a war company, hence all the prototype weaponry, and bruce comes back and turns the company around. I like the idea of the batsuit being a prototype armor suit, it fits the movie world. What you need to realise is that mainstream audiences arent interested in seeing batman running around in spandex beating up mobsters, like in year one. They want to see batman, looking like a hardass bitch beating the shit out of supervillains and to be quite frank, comic geeks dont count for a large percentage of a movies overall gross, hence the changes being made. ive had this out before with some tard who wanted to see wolverine on the big screen in bright yellow spandex; were a movie to be made that stuck to a comic exactly, such as batman in spandex, wolverine in spandex, audiences, critics and others wud take one look at it and LAUGH their asses off. it works in cartoons, comics etc, but if you were to see wolverine going berserker on the movie screen, no matter how animalistic he was, if he was wearing yellow spandex, the whole world, save the comic community would laugh at it, and not go see it, dragging the box office take way down, ensuring another one would never get made. changes have to be made to most comic movies to make them suitable for audiences to watch and not dump on. Now as far as catwoman goes...if it was selina kyle and they did another origin story, that wud be fine...if it was what catwoman did after batman returns (which, lets face it we ALL want to see), that wud be fine too. But taking a loved, reknowned character such as catwoman, ripping her insides out and making her a whole new character, with super powers as well is not sticking at all to anything remotely related to the comics at all and i am totally against it in every way. but at least itll be the smash hit comedy of the year, so thats at least something. im all for changes to be made, as long as the changes made make sense. take x-men for example. if it was true to the comics, we wouldnt have had wolverine, or storm, or sabretooth or a couple of other mutants. it would be a bunch of dorky x-men, in dorky blue suits, taking on magneto, and that wouldnt have been very good at all. leave superman as he is, from a planet that exploded, with no other survivors, with lex luthor as a billionaire asshole, and a good, honest man in spandex. it makes sense for superman to wear spandex, he wouldnt need any kind of armour, and to change the suit just isnt needed. hes one of the few characters to never change his outfit, and thats the outfit people remember him in, whilst other characters change their outfit constantly, so people remember the character more than the costume. leave all those elements alone, and do what you want else with superman, but those core elements must remain. some changes need to be made, and nothing will convince me to the contrary.

  • June 28, 2004, 1:43 a.m. CST

    There are other, better sources for simi-naked females all over

    by Jack Ryder

    ...That's not enough of an excuse to go see a big budget movie. But this sounds like the type of bad movie fun not seen since the craptacular Tomb Raider 2.

  • June 28, 2004, 5:48 a.m. CST

    The only good thing in this flick...

    by freebird_one

    ...will be Tippett Studios' CGI cat, which will make Garfield look like a cardboard cutout (which actually isn't hard to achieve). But I would never, and I hope the rest of you would never, lay down cash to see a few seconds of a CGI cat.

  • June 28, 2004, 7:11 p.m. CST

    CATWOMAN - this year's GIGLI

    by Darth Schlong

  • July 2, 2004, 4:45 a.m. CST

    Hump ain't got nothing on me...

    by Amotion

    I cannot believe all of the negative comments regarding a film that has the potential to be a classic for all times and ages. It appears to be a solemn little film about maturation on the part of Patience...going from a shy, quiet girl to a proud woman that is able to take care of herself. It seems to be very similar, in terms of context, to the works of Felini and Kurosawa. The direction should also be top notch and reminiscent of early Kubrick works. And who in their right minds could disregard the excellent costume design. Afterall, wasn't Catwoman's costume designed by the same person that turned Madonna's hideous breasts into sharp pointy cones that men still fantasize about to this day?? I also agree with my boss'...err...Hollywood's desicion to abandon all aspects of the comic book to go with a new and exciting approach that will undoubtedly bring fine art to the well-established and well-cultured MTV loving children of today.

  • July 10, 2004, 11:48 p.m. CST

    Warner Brothers: The Plague

    by hard head

    I believe that Catwoman, unto itself, will be harmless. Even though this film is probably a "half-asseed" attempt and will prove to be one of the biggest disappointments of the summer season, I think that I could survive an hour and a half to sit through it. However, the situation may be worse than what may movie goers and comic book fans realize. Remember the last time that Hollywood went through their comic book "phase"? Well, a rather large part of the reason that it was a phase, rather than a movement, was that movie studios (inparticular Warner Brothers and their last two instalmenst of the Batman series) began to sink relatively large sums of money into comic book projects without stopping to ask themselves "DO WE EVEN HAVE A COMPELLING STORY?". This thinking was not exclusive to WB. Even Paramount sunk millions into "The Phantom", a comic book character only a few have even heard of. Now the Warner people are back at it again. Why in the HELL can they not learn? Movie goers are not all ready standing in line for Spider-man 3 just because its a brand name. Their not going because they want to stare at Tobey McGuire or Kirsten Dunst. Their not even going because Sam Raimi is a brilliant director (after all, he was the guy who did "The Evil Dead" and "The Quick and the Dead". They go because they want to see what happens to the characters they have grown to love. Here are some recomendations to which Warner Borthers (and any other studio looking to get a peice of the action) would be well adviced to adhear. 1- STICK TO THE SCRIPT. The characters that you are now in control of (because of your ownership of DC comics) have well established histories and personalities. Don't let some self-absorbed actor, uninspired director, or lazy writter onto the project unless they understand this. The tendency in Hollywood is to beleive that audiences are looking for something completely new (in other words, they would get board if the movie mimics too closely the comic book). They don't want a new character, they want them to be placed in new, compelling situations. If you think critisim over Catwoman is harsh can you imagine the complaints you would be recieving if you had dramatically changed the character of Harry Potter? 2- FIRE THE MARKETING DEPARTMENT. Warner Brothers has the particular problem of not being able to sell movies based on the story it tells. Instead, the marketing department leans on its crutch of selling the actors that are in the movie. Don't get me wrong, selling movies with A-list actors is not bad. HOWEVER, it seems that Warner Brothers has the particular problem of giving the marketing department power to choosing which films are made. They often make the decision to green-light a movie based on who is involved (aka actors). This results in a flow of money into projects that just are not good stories. Lets take Catwoman for example. The perception is that this movie was made only because Halle Berry signed on (Tim Burton had publicly stated he was interested in doing a Catwoman movie after he finished Batman Returns). In other words, the story is about how sexy she looks in a goofy looking costume rather than what happens to the character. The first red flag should have been raised when they changed the character to "Patience Philips". 3- TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. When Superman first made his big screen debut, most of Hollywood insiders did not take the effort seriously. They mistook it for nothing more than some pop-culture fad that would quickly dwindle. Unfortunately the same sediment remains today. After all, how could something so outlandish and unimportant as a comic book (which was first created for "children's" entertainment) be percieved as anything but that? After all, everyone knows just how much New Line Cinema regrets taking "The Lord of the Rings" seriously. 4- LEARN!!! If Catwoman tanks at the box office it does not mean that comic book movies are going out of sytle. The Blade, Sider-man, Men in Black and X-men movies have done very well even after Joel Shumacher nearly killed Batman. Today's audiences are looking for a solid story. The name brand is not enough to sell these movies anymore.

  • July 15, 2004, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Curious Dr. Hump: Halle taps into the same intense reserved ener

    by Shalimarali

    Okay Studio Plant -- you must really take us for FOOLS! You have got to be kidding! The only "energy" she used in Monster's Ball was the same energy every WHORE USES WHEN THEY TURN A TRICK. It does not take much energy to OPEN LEGS AND HAVE SEX. By comparison, it DOES TAKE ENERGY TO REALLY ACT. Halle Berry has ACTING confused WITH WHORING. Having SEX AND BEING NUDE are not the same as HAVING TALENT. They are 2 different things entirely. Maybe no one has told her that being naked does not equal entertaining. Look at actors like Lena Horne, Dorothy Dandridge and Eartha Kitt. They are all able to ACT without taking their clothes off and having sex. The sad thing is that the Oscars SHOULD HAVE AWARDED THEM INSTEAD OF AWARDING HALLE BECAUSE OF NAACP PROTESTS. She did not deserve an Oscar for having sex. I will boycott this film along with anything else she makes because WHORES DO NOT ENTERTAIN ME.

  • July 16, 2004, 3:25 a.m. CST

    Shalimarali sounds like

    by Lender

    Sounds like you focused more on Halle breasts than the actual movie. There's more to Monster Ball than some short sex scene!!!