Hey Harry and Shadow Mercenaries,

The Acid was good. Four slits in her back stretched into vaginas. I slammed my cock in every orifice before it split into four. We rammed on the floor. Bodily fluids splattered. I squeezed her tits. Her spine slithered. Quadruple pleasure. We passed out. I woke naked in the Brenden Theatres’ lobby at the Palms, home of the 2004 CineVegas Film Festival.

NUMB

Dystopia reigns in a dream flick that’s like three-feet-thick water. A science experiment goes completely wrong or right, depending on pov. Nearly all of humanity is addicted to a drug called The Drip. Addicts become numb despondents who respond like Pod People on anesthesia. Michael Ferris Gibson deftly directs a THX-1138ish bad dream of delicious atmosphere. It truly is numb. Take with a head-trip marathon for best effects.

THE NIGHT WE CALLED IT A DAY (aka ALL THE WAY)

Two stubborn foes stand off in a battle of wills: Frank Sinatra and Australia. Based on actual events of Sinatra’s 1974 tour of Down Under, this smooth film depicts back stage tensions because of Sinatra’s insult to a TV tabloid reporter that resulted in scores of unions striking the tour. Dennis Hopper does a good Sinatra; Melanie Griffith is his main squeeze; Paul Goldman’s direction is silky. Makes a good nightcap.

GOZU

The brilliant or insane Takashi Miike strikes again. A low-level Yakuza is ordered to kill his own brother. Then the body disappears. Bizarre grotesque hijinks ensue. For the first two-thirds, Miike throws various chuckling outrages, but they don’t gel into a whole. A lot of detached Godardian shots probably mean fresh ideas weren’t flowing. Then the last third— delirious bizzaro-land inspirations… woo-hoo! Yes! Yes! Yes! Miike rocks!!!!!!

WINDY CITY HEAT

A boorish moron, Perry Caravello, is the butt of an elaborate prank. He’s tricked into starring in a fake movie, then coerced to do deeds like jumping into real shit. Bobcat Goldthwait directs this boring Comedy Central production. Everyone annoys, especially a wig-wearing idiot. My audience laughed. Made by the folks who brought you The Man Show and Crank Yankers, if you love those shows you might love this. I say bleech.

THE PORTRAIT OF BILLY JOE

I do not like country music with the possible exception of Johnny Cash. Remarkably, I found this documentary about country music veteran/legend Billy Joe Shaver touching my heart. He speaks straight forward and honestly in poetic language about his life’s hardships. Today he appears a decent good man. Surprisingly, there’s not much music. Director Luciana Pedraza wisely lets Shaver speak without intrusion.

HAROLD & KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE

This is the funniest comedy I’ve seen in ages. At some point I got too tired to laugh and just reveled in its awesomeness. What’s it about? See the title. Two brilliant college students (John Cho & Kal Penn) get into hysterical mishaps seeking titular burger joint. Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg’s magnificent script is filled with invention. Directed by Danny “Dude, Where’s My Car?” Leiner, this will be a sleeper, word-of-mouth hit. New Line Cinema releases it this summer. Bring on the sequel!

DENNIS HOPPER: THE DECISIVE MOMENTS

This excellent documentary surveys the actor/director’s life and career. Hopper’s thoughtfulness, intelligence, and love for art connect. Director Thom Hoffman focuses on essentials. Rumors are minimal while Hopper is frank about wild past. His impressive body of work is foremost including details on films he’s directed comprising theories, philosophies and acknowledging influences. It’s a worthwhile resource.

MIX

Think of Doug Liman’s Go except its lame, predictable, and set in Budapest. Superpoop wiz kid goes abroad for grandfather’s funeral, and then is caught in street life getting deep into the DJ/hip-hop scene. He meets a porn star he worships, gets left behind, and has to hustle money for a plane ticket back. Director Steven Lovy tries for a hipster look but is only a pale imitation. Few decent moments, but otherwise who cares. I don’t.

MALEVOLENCE

Directors Nick Groff and Mike A. Martinez are talented. There’s an impressive 20min section in the middle. Too bad the script is incomprehensible gangster nonsense. The acting is bad and amateurish. Near the end the bad acting and random crosscutting between seemingly unrelated subplots takes on an unintentional surreal quality. They need to find real writers. Maybe then something good will come.

THE NEST

There’s a Beatles song called Rain. One night, John took the final mix tape home. After a drink (or maybe something else), he accidentally threaded the reel to reel. backwards. The next day he said to Paul, “This sounds great! We’ll release the song backwards.” Paul listened. He agreed saying, “Let’s just do a little bit backwards at the end.” John thought about it, agreed, and Rain is the first song ever using backwards recording.

The Nest is the entire tape played backwards. Genuinely creepy sound effects, some bizarre dissolve images, and no personality characters tell of couple going crazy in their apartment while a presence impregnates them. If director James Fotopoulos has used these ideas with an actual story of a marriage’s disintegration, it could have worked. As is, people talked back to the screen and laughed. Watch it if you want to fall asleep.

FYI, Ringo Starr says Rain contains his best Beatle drumming.

REMEMBER ME, MY LOVE

Terrific Italian movie shows a family falling apart with delicious black humor, little narrative fat, Gabriele Muccino’s tight direction, and superb acting. No one connects with their true passions and claw frustrated in ruts. Father meets old girlfriend. Mother wants to revive acting career. Son can’t get girl he’s crazy about. Hot enchilada vain sister wants to be on TV and climb her way to movie star status. It’s brisk with plot twists.

THE NOTEBOOK

The ending is genuinely sad and moving. The rest is an almost stunning string of clichés, at times so clichéd it’s laughable. There’s one cliché dating to the silent era. Did I mention it’s clichéd? An old man reads a notebook to an old woman at a retirement home. The notebook tells the story of a young couple’s love affair. Good acting and production values, but Nick Cassavetes' direction is only passable.

SHORTS

TUNNELS- Dir: Shaz Bennett

Amateur footage of railroads, tunnels, and beneath bridges is accompanied by voice-over telling fears about said places. Looks like a home movie. Didn’t work for me.

AMERICAN FAME PT. 1: DROWNING RIVER PHOENIX- Dir: Cam Archer

Meditates on Phoenix’s death and fame’s destructive nature. A good dark brooding mood is established, but there isn’t much substance.

HOPE TO DIE- Dir: Eva Husson

A teenage girl’s suicide has profound effects on her sisters. Overwrought “romantic” tone oversimplifies grieving process and feels emotionally unrealistic. Perhaps reflecting some teen girls’ pov, it seems dime novel to me. Underwater cinematography is beautiful.

LATE BLOOMER- Dir: Craig Macneill

H.P. Lovecraft goes to 7th grade Sex Ed class. A puberty stricken boy freaks out in school upon discovering within the loins of all classmates lay sex organs of ancient gods. Cute funny film is a treat to horror fans. Watch out for the biting vagina on the chalkboard.

MAID- Dirs: Nicholas McCarthy and Sam Zuckerman

Hispanic maid tells how she came to America and her hopes for her children. Then it turns into a Chinese maid dance number. Odd fun but fades fast from memory.

MOTION STUDIES 3: GRAVITY

MOTION STUDIES 11: HEAT

MOTION STUDIES 43: PERPETUAL MOTION

Dir. of all three: Jake Mahaffy

Series of films try to be odd for odd’s sake but don’t really succeed. #3-A guy hangs himself then smokes a cigarette; #11-A guy sets a mannequin on fire; #43- a woman sits in a Laundromat. The soundtrack comments on what’s onscreen. # 43 has some chuckles.

QUASAR HERNANDEZ- Dirs: David and Nathan Zellner

A United Way big brother messes with his little “brother’s” mind in a screwy head game. Big brother says he’s going on a bizarre secret mission but his little brother can’t tell anyone. Nicely twisted with abrupt end.

RELEASE THE CRACKEN-Dir: Essie Cesagarro

A series of non-sequiturs collide as two guys try accomplishing questionable tasks. Strange, funny, almost inspired but doesn’t flow well enough.

WALK INTO A BAR-Dir: Jake Hoffman

Obnoxious frat boys go on the town to drink, screw, etc. A few laughs, but exactly what you would expect…dull-brained immaturity.

Finally, on non-festival note, Stuart Gordon’s King of the Ants arrives on DVD later this month. This grizzly piece of film noir was one of the best movies I saw last year. Too bad it wasn’t released in theatres. Film noir and horror fans won’t be disappointed.

David Lynch, Dennis Hopper, and Takashi Miike pointed at the sky for the signal. Lightening flashed red. Wind pushed at my back. I was about to be slapped halfway across the world.
-Psychedelic

Great stuff, man. You must be exhausted. Thanks so much for all the reviews, and lookin’ forward to next year’s stuff.

"Moriarty" out.