Ahoy, folks! Quint here with a sweet-ass-sweet giveaway for all you screwheads out there. I have 5 BUBBA H0-TEP DVDs and 1 BUBBA HO-TEP poster to give away... If you don't know BUBBA HO-TEP by now, after the last 3 years of the AICN gang pushing it on this very site, then turn your attention to the official site.

Now, in talking to Harry about this giveaway, he suggested that the DVDs be awarded to the readers who send me pictures of the most disgusting mystery penis growth that man has ever been cursed with. I thought that was a funny idea for a contest, until I realized that I would be the judge and have an inbox full of the ugliest cocks to ever swing over the surface of the earth.

So, my mind started to wander, going over potential Elvis impersonator ideas to radical Bruce Campbell sexual fantasy stories... none of them seemed right... But, now I think I got it.

I have a Bubba Ho-Tep 1-sheet poster to give away... only one, so I think it should go to a hardcore Bruce Campbell fan. What you have to do for this poster is: tell me about a radical fan encounter (has to be true, or at least true enough to make me believe it!) you or a friend have had with Bruce Campbell... especially if it ended with him insulting you or one of your friends!!! The more out there, the better. The more entertaining, the better. Bruce is known for his sharp tongue... so I expect a few good stories!

Email it to quint@aintitcool.com with the subject line BUBBA HO-TEP POSTER... Any other subject line might get tossed.

I also have 5 DVDs... The BUBBA HO-TEP DVD is packed, with multiple commentaries, behind the scenes footage (where you may spot a particularly crusty seaman if you look close) and tons of other extras. It's also coming out the same day as RETURN OF THE KING, so in order to ease the strain on your pocketbook, you might want to give the contest a try...

What I need from you if you want one of the 5 BUBBA HO-TEP DVDs is 250 words or less on why Bruce Campbell is the man. That's easy, but I expect some entertaining reads!

Email it to quint@aintitcool.com with the subject line BUBBA HO-TEP DVD... Any other subject line might get tossed.

BY THE WAY, THE CONTEST ENDS THIS SUNDAY (5/23) AT MIDNIGHT CST. All entries must be received by then! You must also include your mailing address in the email! The winners will be notified be notified by email.

So, that was my thought to getting around the sausage judging. I look forward to reading your entries!

-Quint