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Quint goes DARK TOWER crazy again while drinking from his Chum Bucket!

"The advance review copy fled through the desert and the seaman followed."  

Ahoy, squirts. Quint, the crustiest of seamen, here with the very first super-awesome Chum Bucket column. In case you don't remember, the aim of this weekly (bi-weekly/monthly/whenever?) column is to shed some light on high geek interest goodies, be they books, comics, toys, soundtracks, foreign DVDs, etc that don't usually get the spotlight here on AICN. Most of the things covered in this column are movie related, but not all.  

The very first Chum Bucket was my love letter to Stephen King's DARK TOWER books. First printed in a limited edition by GRANT BOOKS back in 1981 with the first installment, THE GUNSLINGER, this series has had an odd run. It's not among King's most well known stuff, but at the same time those that have read them are the most rabid beings in the universe. I have not run into anyone who goes, "Damn! I love THE STAND! Remember when Flagg appears on the island in the Uncut version? That was badass! Oh, and remember when Stu falls and breaks his leg! What a bummer!"  

There are people who love his other books, myself among them, but the enthusiasm of those following Roland and his ka-tet is unique to King's master series. The Dark Tower books, much like The Dark Tower itself, act as a lynchpin for everything in King's universe. Every book, every story, every character that has gushed out of King's mind and onto paper for us hungry Constant Readers is tied to this series in one way or another. The books themselves are an amalgam of western, sci-fi, horror, fantasy and adventure, with a good dose of old school mythology thrown in for good measure.  

What prompted me to write a column about the series is that this foul year of our lord, 2004, sees the release of the final two books in the seven book series. A lot of us Tower Fanatics had a big scare when King got hit by that van and teetered on the brink of death. I must admit, when I first heard of the severness of the accident, my thoughts didn't go out to his family... I was much too selfish for that. I thought, "But what happens to Roland and Eddie and Jake and Susannah and Oy?"  

That accident served as a wake up call to King himself and he fairly quickly went about writing the final 3 books. WOLVES OF THE CALLA, the homage to SEVEN SAMURAI/MAGNIFICENT SEVEN of the series, was released late last year and I loved it. That final battle with the wolves is brutal and the losses aren't many, but you feel for each person who falls.  

So, after the last column I started putting my feelers out on getting Advance Review Copies of SONG OF SUSANNAH, the next book in the series that is released June 8th. I got lucky. About a week and a half after my column went up, I got SONG OF SUSANNAH in the mail. I'll say right here and now that I tried both official and unofficial routes. One of them worked. Take a guess at which one!  






 

Here are the contents of the book:  

1st Stanza: THE PERSISTENCE OF MAGIC

2nd Stanza:: BEAMQUAKE

3rd Stanza: TRUDY AND MIA

4th Stanza: SUSANNAH'S DOGAN

5th Stanza: THE TURTLE

6th Stanza: THE CASTLE ALLURE

7th Stanza: THE AMBUSH

8th Stanza: A GAME OF TOSS

9th Stanza: EDDIE BITES HIS TONGUE

10th Stanza: SUSANNAH-MIO, DIVIDED GIRL OF MINE

11th Stanza: THE WRITER

12th Stanza: JAKE AND CALLAHAN

13th Stanza: 'HILE, MIA, HILE, MOTHER'

CODA: PAGES FROM A WRITER'S JOURNAL

WORDSLINGER'S NOTE  

Here are the illustration titles:  

GREEN LIGHTNING

A THOUSAND, THOUSAND WORLDS

FOREBODE

DODGE

CORNERED

DOGAN DREAM

THE WOODS

FAINT SHADOW

SINGLE WILD ROSE

BIRDMAN  

This non-proofed copy doesn't have any of Darrel Anderson's art work in it (unless you count a fuzzy photocopy of the "Bleeding Rose" on the baby blue title page) and has a few spelling errors, which for some reason fascinate me... Just to see something like adn instead of and was really surreal for some reason.  

So, as far as I know the review that follows of THE DARK TOWER 6: THE SONG OF SUSANNAH is the first review of the book to find its way onto the internet. Those that haven't read the series so far, go thee hence to Ebay or the local used book store and find the large trade paperbacks of the first 4 books (THE GUNSLINGER, THE DRAWING OF THE THREE, THE WASTELANDS and WIZARD AND GLASS)... Grab the Plume large paperbacks if you can. The regular size paperbacks don't have the fantastic full page color artwork found in the large Plume editions. I can't recommend these books enough.  

For those that are already along for the ride, join me for a little tour of SONG OF SUSANNAH. There are lots of reveals in the book and I promise not to ruin the really big ones (the last thing I want to do is ruin the book for anybody), but I might tread on some of the smaller scale spoilers, so be warned.  

The book starts where the other left off. Susannah, taken over by "Mia," the maternal mental intruder, has stolen the mystical Black Thirteen and has used it to gain entrance into the "real" world via the Doorway Cave in order to deliver her demon child. The door is cold. Without the power of Black Thirteen, it's useless and the remainder of the Ka-tet has to gain the support of the Manni in order to pursue Susannah. Only their knowledge of how to travel between worlds can help them.  

Ka (fate/destiny) steps in and sends our Ka-tet (a group bound by fate/destiny) off on the final path that leads to the steps of the Dark Tower itself. Eddie and Roland are sent after Calvin Tower in 1977 Maine while Pere Callahan and Jake are swept to modern day New York after Susannah/Mia, much to Eddie's chagrin. Obviously he wants to go after his wife, but Ka has different plans.  

All the while, Susannah, trapped in her own mind in very much the same way Jonesy was in DREAMCATCHER, gets to know this Mia personality and finds out some surprising information that I won't spoil here. Let's just say this entity might not be such a stranger to this journey. Mia is drawn to a den of the unreal, The Dixie Pig, which is a kind of headquarters for the Crimson King's lowmen.  

A bunch of new characters are introduced, among them Stephen King himself. Thankfully, it seems that King is just as much a part of Ka and whatever power is guiding Roland and his group instead of just being "the writer whose characters got away from him." I was worried for a second... My buddy, Kraken, was convinced the series would end with Roland reaching the Dark Tower and finding Stephen King on the top floor sitting at a typewriter. "Surprise!"  

They do allude that all the characters are fictional and from King's mind. For instance, Eddie was brought up in Co-Op City in Brooklyn, which doesn't exist. King made a mistake. Co-Op City is in the Bronx. That kind of irked me a bit... I'd hate to have gotten to know these characters and believed in their quest only to find out that all I cared for was explained away as a bit of fiction. It'd be like having Frodo and Sam get to Mt. Doom, descend into the volcano and find J.R.R. Tolkien there and all he has to do is "write" the ring out of existence.  

But having said all that, King makes it very clear that this world our Ka-tet entered (both modern day New York and '70s Maine) is the most real of all the worlds, the one closest to the Dark Tower. When you're dealing with multiple dimensions and worlds and stretching time, you can't really take anything for face value. At the very least it seems like King's involvement as a character in the story is over, so I'd hope that Kraken's prediction about the end is not likely.  

On the whole, this book is 432 pages of set-up. Not a lot happens plot-wise, but a good deal of Roland's world is explained. What are the Beams? Where did they come from? How close is the Crimson King to toppling the Dark Tower? What is the fate of Susannah's child? Is the Rose safe? These questions are answered or at least enlightened... but the ending... hoo-wee!  

If you guys thought the ending of THE WASTELANDS was a cliff-hanger, you ain't seen nothin' yet. Let me just say that King better thank his lucky stars (and his foresight) that the final book is coming out 3 months after the release of SONG OF SUSANNAH or all the Tower Nutters out there would be after his head. In the final pages we're left with a certainty that a few members of our happy little family are a heavily outnumbered gunfight away from losing their lives. There are also more spoiler-heavy loose ends, but I'll let you folks read about those.  

I said above that this is a set-up book. It is, but it's not boring. It may explain away more of the mystery of Roland's world than I would have liked, but it was definitely not boring. King sets the stage for the final 700 plus pages of the series with a confident touch. I especially liked the further connection to the Arthurian legend that he's had attached to the series since book 1. You'll understand when you read it...  






 

I'd have to rank this book as my least favorite in the series so far, but that isn't saying anything negative. That'd be like me saying the sports fishermen going after the bounty on the shark is my least favorite part of JAWS. That scene may not be as awesome as the rest of the movie, but it still introduces Matt Hooper and some secondary characters that I love, like Ben Gardner. It is important to the film and I couldn't imagine seeing the film as a whole without it. I think in the end, the true success of this book will be determined by what happens in the next and final book in the series.  

It's an exciting and scary time to be a Dark Tower fan. I don't think fans will be disappointed with SONG OF SUSANNAH, but who knows what King has in store for us in the final book? A lot is riding on this final book. I have faith in King pulling out a great ending, so I guess I fall more into the excited category than the scared category. We'll see. I'll do my best to get my mitts on an early copy of the final Dark Tower book early. Who knows, I may even manage to wrangle some words out of King about the finished series.  

If you folks head over to Grant Books you can preorder SONG OF SUSANNAH directly from the publisher. The regular hardcover edition is $24.00. The limited Artist Edition, signed by Darrel Anderson, is $45.00. You can only order it if you bought a copy of the Artist Edition of WOLVES OF THE CALLA, but if you didn't and still want one keep checking back. I'm sure there will be a limited number put up for general sale. It worth it... the Artist Editions always go up in value, are bound in a sewn binding instead of glue and you get it 2 weeks before street date.  

You can also enter the lottery to get the limited signed and numbered edition signed by both Stephen King and Darrel Anderson... these suckers skyrocket on the secondary market and are almost impossible to get.  

Before I let you go, I also want to point you in the direction of Lilja's Library. It's hands down the best Stephen King news site on the net. Any info on any Stephen King project, be it an upcoming book, TV adaptation, film adaptation, special edition release... Lilja's Library is on top of it... It even has stuff on the final book... I read as far as "...the losses come from within his (Roland's) circle of companions" before I tore my eyes away.  

I hope you folks liked this first foray into book review. I love this series and am delighted to give my fellow Dark Tower Nutters an early peak into this book. I'll be back soon with some reviews and even some King-ly interviews, not of the Stephen variety, but... well, you'll see. 'Til then this is Quint bidding you all a fond farewell and adieu.  

-Quint

email: Email the wordslinging sonuva bitch, Quint, here!!!












     
Readers Talkback
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  • April 21, 2004, 3:52 a.m. CST

    You wot?

    by cockknocker

    I dont give a monkeys.

  • April 21, 2004, 3:55 a.m. CST

    I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter....

    by Ustinov's_Ghost

    My Spirit will roam restlessly amoung these Boards until a fitting tribute is made in my name. DougCrane, your grandmother is here with us and she says "hello" in Yiddish.

  • April 21, 2004, 4:27 a.m. CST

    I guess I'm one of those people who absolutely love The Stand.

    by Serious Black

    Despite it's flaws it's one of King's best. I've always thought that both The Stand and his short story The Mist would both make for good TV series. (Not miniseries, I'm talking about the continuing adventures of the characters, kinda like The Dead Zone.) I've gotta admit I quit reading the Dark Tower stuff after The Waste Lands. I got sick of having to reread the series each time a new book came out. I guess pretty soon I can just read them all at once. Cool.

  • April 21, 2004, 4:41 a.m. CST

    I really wish I could read this column.

    by Cash Bailey

    But as I stated in the other one, I'm waiting till they're all released until I read them through. Until them I want to remain as spoiler-free as I can. Also, off-topic; I just saw MASTER AND COMMANDER. Holy fucking shit, does that movie rule or what!?!

  • April 21, 2004, 4:48 a.m. CST

    "You have forgotten the face of your father."

    by Meleractor

    I love these books.

  • April 21, 2004, 5:24 a.m. CST

    And what the fuck does this have to do with the price of cheese?

    by Shad0wfax

    Why is this on a movie site?

  • April 21, 2004, 7:36 a.m. CST

    I'm waiting for all the books to be released as well.

    by Darksider

    I've only read The Gunslinger and it was good. I still think it would make a good movie mini-series at least. With King's books I either love them or hate them. I hope the series stays as good as the first one was. The books in Maine with childhood friends with psychic ablilites gets old after awhile.

  • April 21, 2004, 8:07 a.m. CST

    ?

    by Blue_Demon

    Quint, you used the word "nutter" twice. You from England? I agree with the poster who said that "The Mist" would make a great series. Every time I play "Silent Hill" I'm reminded of it.

  • April 21, 2004, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Thanks Quint!

    by Old Darth

    Great stuff Quint - big Tower and King fan in general. Thanks for whetting my appetite without giving away too much. Looking forward to future installments. BTW thanks for the website link too!

  • April 21, 2004, 9:18 a.m. CST

    Zeekaid

    by roland_deschain

    What kind of retarded comment is that?? I've never read a Dark Tower book, but I'm confident in saying that it sucks You ignorant moron

  • April 21, 2004, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Heck yeah...

    by Uga

    Quint - while I won't read your review (I don't want to spoil ANYTHING), props to actually writing this. The more attention this brilliant series gets, the better (my fantasy baseball team this season is the "Mid-World Gunslingers," and not a single person gets it). Don't pay attention to those who whine that this isn't a movie article. First, they don't have to click on the link, and second, they probably have never read a book anyway.

  • April 21, 2004, 10:17 a.m. CST

    sweet

    by topcad

    I am so ready for this next book. I understand that HBO has been in discussion with King about a Dark Tower series on HBO in 2005. Sweet!

  • April 21, 2004, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Hey Zeekade...

    by nuprin

    I've never met you, but I'm confident in saying that you're the most ignorant sack of human waste...

  • April 21, 2004, 11:21 a.m. CST

    don't agree with you

    by slone13

    On the whole, I've gotta say that I've run into wayyyy more people who've read and loved The Stand than those who've even heard of the Dark Tower series. Don't get me wrong, those books are outstanding. I've gotten a bunch of my friends hooked on the Dark Towers, even ones who are not King fans, but there is no question that The Stand is Stephen King's best work ever. It's one of the only books I've ever read twice just because I loved it so much. And "Rule of the Bone" by Banks.

  • April 21, 2004, 12:50 p.m. CST

    Gunslinger synopsis website?

    by Kent Allard

    I have "Wolves" sitting on my bookshelf, but I haven't cracked it open yet. I read "Wizards" and the other books so long ago that I barely remember a thing about them. Anybody know of a website that has detailed synopses of all the books so that I can brush up before I dive into "Wolves?"

  • April 21, 2004, 1:32 p.m. CST

    These books are over-hyped

    by Jeditemple

    I read "The Gunslinger" years ago and was not impressed...not in the least bit.

  • April 21, 2004, 1:51 p.m. CST

    JIMMINY JEZOOZ ON A TWAT ROCKET, THIS WEB SITE ACTUALLY WORKS IN

    by JohnnyBlueJeans

    i'm rick james bitch!

  • April 21, 2004, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Oh GEE.. How Original ...

    by LargoJr

    Song of Susannah doesnt sound ANYTHING like Wishsong of Shanarra..... King is a hack... pure & simple. His good books were more then 20 years ago

  • April 21, 2004, 2:13 p.m. CST

    buncha tards,,,,

    by Hairy Nutsack

    If you asses don't like the books then why in hell would you bother to even read the damn article? No, you read the article and even bother to post in TB about it? Talk about not having a life. Some of you sound so fucking snobby, like somehow we, the fans of the Dark Tower, are somehow lesser humans because we like them and you in your superior wisdom do not. Suck my ass you fucking twats..... As for the books, obviously I love them. The mixture of multiple genres is very interesting and the characters are fascinating as well. The idea that what we call fiction is actually part of some other dimension isn't a new idea but King uses it well to tell this weird ass story and I'm hooked.

  • April 21, 2004, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Gave up during second book

    by ejcarter9

    Something about mutilating the main character that just doesn't sit well with me. I got through it but nothing about it convinced me to continue.

  • April 21, 2004, 3:22 p.m. CST

    I'll wait for the Trade Paperbacks to be released

    by Han Ol' Buddy

    Because, frankly, I like them more than the hardcovers. I can't wait to read the last three books. I started in high school over 12 years ago. I'dlove to see a film version of this, but somehow I don't think it will ever happen. And, I'd hate to see it as a mini-series because King's books do not translate well to mini-series. Kingdom Hospital (although not a King book) sucks. Also, I was not impressed with Tommyknockers, IT, Four Past Midnight (Langoliers), and even The Stand. It just seems like mini-series are where good material goes to die. It seems cheap. Then again I wasn't too impressed with Dreamcatcher, although I never read the book.

  • April 21, 2004, 4:06 p.m. CST

    Roland's Fingers

    by underscore_only

    I too thought that Roland losing fiingers in the second book was kinda crappy, what with him being a Gunslinger. But it grew on me, besides I didn't write the fucking thing, it's up to King to do that. I just have the immense pleasure of reading them. And you can't tell me anyone who read Wolves was fucking stoked when Dr. Doom's cape appeared!

  • April 21, 2004, 4:47 p.m. CST

    RingBearer, you're a moron

    by PunkGirl55

    If you have read any of what King has written about the Dark Tower series you would know how much it means to him! He's not trying to be Jordan, if he's trying to be like anyone, its Tolkein. King has said over and over again how much he respects him. He's also not trying to prolong this series. He said it will only be seven books and he already has them all written. Before you go on a tirade, you should really research your topic.

  • April 21, 2004, 4:59 p.m. CST

    King's Lost His Bite...

    by Wet Soul

    ...but the Dark Tower series is quite an accomplishment. He still tends to lean towards verbosity, but all in all the books are pretty brilliant and imaginative.

  • April 21, 2004, 5:46 p.m. CST

    Yeah, I'm wrong.....(rolls eyes)

    by Hairy Nutsack

    "Someone might just as easily turn around and say "If you don't like my point of view, why did you even bother to read my post?"".....You've missed the point entirely. There are people that enter these TBs for no other reason than to bash the subject at hand. They add nothing to the discussion, and they usually do their best to insult anyone who likes whatever is being discussed. TROLLS plain and simple. I don't even click on articles about stuff I don't like and I certainly don't go and TB about that same stuff because I'm not a TROLL. Yet we have people that do this all day long on AICN. TROLL ASSHOLES!!

  • April 21, 2004, 7:04 p.m. CST

    So saith the eleventh monkey

    by Raul Monkey

    Okay, good work, Quint. I'm glad to see that you are as spoiler-weary as I am. That review was informative without ruining anything; they could probably stick that review on the back of the book. Thumbs up.

  • April 21, 2004, 7:41 p.m. CST

    I'd rather eat my own shit

    by Drunken Rage

    than read another "Roland the Gunslinger" piece of garbage from that coke-addled arrogant asshole. The books aren't good-- the original short story/novella was terrific, but... a talking monorail that loves riddles? Give me a fucking break. These books are for idiots.

  • April 21, 2004, 7:49 p.m. CST

    King's a GENIUS

    by Drunken Rage

    The way he refers to the giant lobster/crabs as "lobstrosities"-- BRILLIANT!!!!! And he has the nerve to rank his nose-picking drivel with Pulitzer Prize winners? Again, give me a fucking break.

  • April 21, 2004, 8:14 p.m. CST

    Crap... pure juvenile crappy litterature! Stephen King is for ki

    by Robofag

    To me, Dark Tower 1, 2 & 3 (especially the first one) were the best books Stephen King could ever pull out of his half-rotten brain. But Wizards & Glass was a pure mess... I just trashed the book after he introduced for the 397th time that stupid Randall Flagg character in his books... Boy he`s not original! Always recycling the same old crappy characters from the `80s... I guess that`s why he writes so many books! Anyways I just got laid with a hot chick a few years ago and completely stopped caring about that trash "horror" writer...

  • April 21, 2004, 9:11 p.m. CST

    big mouths strike again

    by nochez

    Once again, a group of people can

  • April 21, 2004, 10:31 p.m. CST

    legends

    by paulrichard

  • April 21, 2004, 10:35 p.m. CST

    legends

    by paulrichard

    Didn't King write a novella for one of those legends books called Song of Susannah? I read the first three years ago but I'm waiting for them all to come out to reread those and the new ones, but is there any point to buying that book also, or is the new one an expanded version of that?

  • April 21, 2004, 10:57 p.m. CST

    ringbearer

    by paulrichard

    Thanks. I must have been on some website and got the titles confused. It's just with some of these books that occasionally come out in fantasy and sci fi there tends to be one story from a thing i like and the others just don't interest me. No one on these talkbacks mentioned it and i wondered if it was worth reading? (My lack of interest in the other stories in things like legends wasn't meant to offend anyone, it's just that i haven't read the other stuff, and don't read a lot of fantasy)

  • April 22, 2004, 3:36 a.m. CST

    Quint goes DARK TOWER crazy again while drinking from his Cum Bu

    by MR. CUTTHROAT

    Sorry, too obvious to overlook.

  • April 22, 2004, 6:22 a.m. CST

    re: nochez and hairy nutsack

    by Shad0wfax

    nochez sez: "Maybe you just don

  • April 22, 2004, 11:46 a.m. CST

    THANKEE SAI SEE MY PENIS BIG BIG

    by cocolopez

    I was a King fan. I was a HUGE King fan. Then I started to notice a trend in his novels- how he ties up the endings so neatly when the "monster" or "evil" jumps out and some sort of magic talisman is produced and the evil disappears- for now! Eww! Scary! What utter trash. Consider the endings of books like Eyes of The Dragon, The Girl who Loved Tom Gordon, It, Needful Things, Black House, Desperation, etc... Then consider that any King movie that he gets involved in sucks wild ass. Then consider how lame his short stories have been after SKELETON CREW. Then consider the eyeball glazing Kingdom Hospital. Then consider how much of Lord of the Rings King ripped off of to write The Dark Tower. Then consider how WOLVES OF THE CALLA was basically the middle segment of WIZARD AND GLASS only different- and how the ending promises that book six will be an absolute BORE about SUSANNAH and her CHILD. Then we can say- Thankee sai, Steve- Thankee BIG BIG- for turning into nothing more than a hack with the face of a troglodyte. Hate to tell you folks but it was WAY before his accident that King started putting out trash and calling it treat. Maybe if his name was Stephen Joker he wouldn't take himself so seriously. LOL you see how his last name KING gets bigger and bigger on each consecutive book cover LOL Mindblowing, Steve, really. I'm DUDDITS!!!

  • April 22, 2004, 12:19 p.m. CST

    heheh yeh

    by Shad0wfax

    I read somewhere once that the talent of the author is inversely proportional to the size of his name when compared to the size of the title. Hur hur, I'm a maths geek.

  • April 22, 2004, 3:31 p.m. CST

    I guess I'm still wrong....

    by Hairy Nutsack

    So people keep telling em I'm wrong about the haters and then what do I see? More hate talk? Yeah I'm wrong, and all this pointless "I hate King now" talk must be my friggin imagination..... Again, if you dislike King so much why in hell would you even bother to A. Read the article, and B. Offer your shitty, negative opinion about him in TB? Go suck each other's asses in the latest LOTR TB or something but let people enjoy what they enjoy without all the negative bullshit that adds nothing to the discussion. Someone called people "idiots" for liking the Tower books and yet I'm certain that same person likes something that is considered SHIT by many people, the difference is class and the haters don't have it.

  • April 22, 2004, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Hairy's a liddle Bitch

    by cocolopez

    First of all Hairy Nut twit- the term "hater" is used for people who are jealous. Why would I be "jealous" of the Dark Tower series? I started my feedback by saying I was a HUGE fan of King. SOunds like you're the hater cause you can't admit to yourself just how bad King has gotten- just like the legions of delusional tools who swear uo and down that Star Wars Episodes 1 & 2 were earth shattering and that it will all be worth it when 3 comes out. You think the Dark Tower trip will be worth it? Good for you, I'll sell you a bridge after you're done reading. But to cry and whine like a tubby bitch because not everyone in a forum shares your views- that's just some little gaylord baby wants his rattle type tears... Talk about class... I could defecate in my drawers and rock the same pair all week and still have more class than you- clueless little harlequin... As for King, someone stick a fork in that guy- cause he's done...

  • April 22, 2004, 6:18 p.m. CST

    STFU....

    by Hairy Nutsack

    Listen stupid, how you not see what I'm trying to fucking say? People that click on a TB just to bash something, not carry on a conversation just bash, are wasting our time and AICN's bandwidth. That's it, that's all I'm trying to say, so SHUT THE FUCK UP!........Having a conversation and also having disagreements is one thing but when people bash for the sake of bashing it's just stupid and worthless. This applies to any topic on AICN, why even click a link if you don't even like what's on the link? Makes no fucking sense and it just drags all of us down.

  • April 23, 2004, 9:11 a.m. CST

    I'm just wild about Hairy

    by cocolopez

    wow Hairy you really do sound like an unnerved little girl- screaming and carrying on- beforehand bitter towards Lord of the Ring fans- all soiled diapers because people don't share your demented opinion on King- who apparantly can do no wrong in your eyes- because in a perfect world it's just you, your little rattle, your nook, your teething toast and your liddle new Stephen King fanzine- keeping you hip to all the newest 800 page tomes of uninspired dreg that steals shamelessly from everything from Harry Potter to the Marvel Universe (yes- those of you UNFORTUNATE enough not to read Wolves of the Calla totally missed out on King's "wolves" being Doctor Doom clones who threw "sneetches" that said "HARRY POTTER MODEL" on the backs- King's got some WILD ideas these days- TOTALLY ORIGINAL AND INSPIRED too I might add), no no this guy isn't done, he's in his PRIME and his biggest fanboy Hairy Nutsack isn't a nonsensical babbling punchinello who plays the crying game whenever he doesn't get his liddle way- and he's so strong and imposing the way he yells SHUT THE FUCK UP and of course everyone listens because he's just that godly and fierce! LOLOL

  • April 23, 2004, 10:35 a.m. CST

    Somebody had to say it...

    by Spikes Brain

    Bruce Campbell IS Roland!

  • April 23, 2004, 12:33 p.m. CST

    by Goneburger

    um.... so there's a movie? *confused* i thought this was a movie website, not a book website. or an amazon website for the record i'm lost.

  • April 23, 2004, 3:29 p.m. CST

    Hey coco can you read with your head that far up your ass?

    by Hairy Nutsack

    Here let me quote myself - "This applies to any topic on AICN, why even click a link if you don't even like what's on the link? Makes no fucking sense and it just drags all of us down." - There, is that clear now? My rant has nothing to do specifically with King you ass. It also has nothing to do with LOTR moron, did you see LOTR in any of my posts? My whole point is I'm tired of reading "I hate that shit" posts in every TalkBack. If you, meaning anyone, don't like something why do we need to know about it? I hate 99% of everything on the WB so why would I bother reading an article about it and then enter the TB to say "You fans of (whatever) are morons." Do we really need this kind of bullshit here or anywhere? Can no one understand where I'm coming from?

  • April 23, 2004, 4:13 p.m. CST

    GOOD SHOW HAIRY

    by cocolopez

    Here Hairy- I'll quote ya'- "Go suck each other's asses in the latest LOTR TB or something"... now quite whining already- you're a Moe- end of subject. Your cascade of tears is almost as juvenile as your screen name... I don't know why cats like you are so set on rocking the red ball clown nose- whatever though... You keep on with the intelligence of a dry gourd, and we'll keep laughing. A good clown is easy to find, but a hairy nuthead is priceless.

  • April 24, 2004, 3:05 a.m. CST

    "Give Quint What He Wants, And He'll Go Away"

    by Hell's Cigarette

  • June 29, 2004, 6:59 a.m. CST

    the stand

    by fushingfeef19

    I first read 'The Stand' in my teens, and re-read the 'uncut version' at 21 or so, and after many years and with new DT novels on the way I read this amazing book once again and guess what,,,,,"The Bland" would have been a more apt title. Although good, it really was just a veiled re-telling of certain biblical stories. SURE, Randall Flagg was great, Trashcan Man was fun, Lloyd and the Pokerizer were great, but the people on the side of 'good'? M-O-O-N, that spells GODDAMN DULL!!!!! Try reading it again and after your fifth nap you may just realize that it isn't the book you remember.

  • June 14, 2006, 1:23 a.m. CST

    I just finished reading this book tonight...

    by jrbarker

    I thought it was great. I can't wait to dive into the last one.