Ahhh, the screening for CONTACT. Well as usual let me tell ya about my day leading up
to the film, so you can see if anything affected my judgement.

I didn't have tickets for CONTACT, but I did have nerve and will power. I was going
whether I had em or not. You see, I cannot be denied. They task me, and I shall have
them. yadda yadda yadda.

So I calmly went about my day. Had the usual lunch with Dad, then we went down to the
BOOKSTOP to see if I was in the latest Rolling Stone or People or Yahoo! But alas,
must be the next issues. Before leaving the book store, I had to use the rest room, and I
told Dad to go pull the vehicle around front and I'd be out in a minute. You see it was
close to time to get in line!

Now I know yall don't want to hear about the bathroom, but simply it did effect my day. I
had to do #1 as well as #2. So I assume the position and drop my drawers. Ok, more
imagery you don't want to see. Well, I finish up, and go to pull them back up and I feel
wetness all over my lower half. I look down, and somehow, I don't know how, but a pool
of hideously decaying fecal liquid was at the base of the toilet. I gasp in horror. I'm
soaking wet with this ... I don't even wanna know.

Then horror grasps me as I realize I have to walk through the bookstore, I am at the point
farthest from the exit of course. I am scared, smelly and very icky. I pull out my shirt to
cover as much as possible, but the pants are actually dripping, and then there was that
smell. People stare and give me that lowlife look. (ok ok they do that anyway) ewwwwwww

I get to the van a lay bellydown, as to not press the pants into me. Dad rolls down all the
windows. I'm laughing horribly at my predicament.

We rush home. I tear off the pants, shirt, etc. And hop in the shower. Scrub scrub scrub.
But I have to hurry, gotta get to the screening. Dad begins honking the horn. I go to turn
the water off, when the knob brakes. The water doesn't shut off. AHHHHHHHHHHH. I
try to fix it, I get it to a slow flow. And get to the van, where Dad is repeatedly honking.
My head hurts.

On the way to the screening I say, "Ya know they just finished Contact's sound this
weekend, the prints are sure to be wet" haha Kinda like me.

We get to the screening, and there in front is Jan, a notable line person. One of the best.
She comes up and says, "Nope no Contact tonight no Contact" My heart sinks. I want to
KILL the messenger, or at the very least some Fed Ex guy somewhere. Wait. Why is she
still here. "Oh they say we can see Wild America instead, and come back tomorrow night
to see CONTACT" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, not WILD
AMERICA ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Man, I want shoot myself.

"This ain't happenin man, this ain't happening!"

I search for an explanation. I sit on a bench, depressed. I WANTED TO SEE
CONTACT. Everyone asks me, "You want to see Wild America."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I DO NOT!!! I WANNA SEE CONTACT
DAMMIT!!! Breathe in Breathe out.

Then a friend arrives, a Martin friend. He was the one with the Hiroshima Stare at B & R.
He comes up all happy, then I get to RIP OUT HIS HEART. Turns out he was dropped
off by his wife, he can't get home. HE MUST SEE WILD AMERICA.
AHAHAHAHAHA. Cruel Sadist that I am, I laugh at him. Then I decide, because of my
depression and the fact that I see GODZILLA and LOST IN SPACE posters everywhere
that perhaps I'll get a trailer. Right?

That's right, I saw WILD AMERICA.

The trailer was FREE WILLY 3: THE RESCUE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Come on man, give me a break,
a day can't suck this hard. This is horrible. Ya know ORCA could kick that Willy's fin
right off.

How was WILD AMERICA?

Well there were some pretty locations. And for what seemed like the first two hours, it
wasn't all that bad. But then in what seemed like the final 6 hours they pulled out every
possible cliche you could find. All of em. And then there were the animatronisc that were
HORRIBLE. The snakes and bears looked like they came out of the Disney Land Bear
Banjo thing. Especially when the kids sing the "Fart Song" as the bears are attacking.
The results? Well the bears go back to sleep to the soathing sounds of the Fart Song.
Bob the Goon from BATMAN is here. Seems he and the Batman franchise are headed in
the same direction. Danny Glover is in this about as long as he is in the trailer. I guess
this wouldn't be toooo bad for little little teeny weeny innoculous souless kids raised on
that little twin show. Give me PIPPY LONGSTOCKINGS, she would tear a whole right
through Jonathon Taylor dumba.. Thomas!!!

The main thing about the film is like in SPEED II I left with a headache, a pounding one.
There was more to enjoy here though. Like ummm, the scenery. BEWARE THIS FILM.
THIS FILM IS AN EEEEEEVIL FILM!!!

That's it for this one. I'll be seeing CONTACT tonight, I hope. That review will come
soon!!