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Herc
SPOILER ALERT !!
I am – Hercules!!
When we first posted these details on Feb. 22, I got an email asking, “Herc, how does Grievous wield three lightsabres?” I write back: “He holds the third with his foot.” “No seriously, how?” “I am serious.” “Jerkwad!”
Cut to three weeks later: “Dude. You weren’t lying. He used his dang foot!”
Another update for the faithful: Chapter 14 suggests that all lightsabres run on Kryptonite-like crystals. Was this discussed in those horrible “Star Wars” prequels that Fox pinched off in ’99 abd ’02? Because I remember being much distracted by my watch, O my brothers!
In the words of “I Love You To Death’s” Joey Baca: “Is true!!”
Clone Wars 1.11-1.20 FAQ
Who’s responsible?
Another update for the faithful: Chapter 14 suggests that all lightsabres run on Kryptonite-like crystals. Was this discussed in those horrible “Star Wars” prequels that Fox pinched off in ’99 abd ’02? Because I remember being much distracted by my watch, O my brothers!
In the words of “I Love You To Death’s” Joey Baca: “Is true!!”
Clone Wars 1.11-1.20 FAQ
Who’s responsible?
Clone Wars 1.11-1.20 FAQ
Who’s responsible?
Story is credited to Bryan Andrews, Darrick Bachman, Paul Rudish (“2 Stupid Dogs,” “Dexter’s Laboratory,” “The Powerpuff Girls,” “Samurai Jack”) and Genndy Tartakovsky (“Dexter’s Laboratory,” “Samurai Jack”).
What Cartoon Network say?
Ten new episodes, Chapters 11-20, are scheduled to air on Cartoon Network weekdays at 8 p.m. (ET, PT) from Friday, March 26-Thursday, April 8. Chapters 11-20 advance the animated saga of the Clone Wars. Taking center stage is the battle between Anakin Skywalker and his would-be assassin, the Dark Jedi Asajj Ventress, protégé of the evil Sith lord Count Dooku. Meanwhile, on the desert planet of Dantooine, Mace Windu must single-handedly take on an army of Droid soldiers. And Yoda undertakes a mission to rescue two fellow Jedi, Barriss Offee and Luminara Unduli, who are trapped on the icy planet Ilum. He is joined by Padme Amidala, C-3PO and R2-D2 on this dangerous mission.
The big news?
These final ten chapters are teeming with touches that will trigger the endorphins of every “Stars Wars” fan geeky enough to have geeked out over episodes I, II and VI. Anakin has his big showdown with Asajj on what appears to be Yavin IV (where Leia would later adorn Han and Luke with medallions). Ilum is a ringer for Hoth, and even features creepy “spy-der” droids similar to the ones that menaced the gang in the first act of “The Empire Strikes Back.” Once senses Ilum may play a pivitol role in Episode III. Also? We don’t meet the Episode III character Grievous until Chapter 20.
Do the Clone Wars end?
They do not, though the conflict with the “I.G. Banking Clan” that An and Obi joined in the first ten episodes is declared concluded at the start of chapter 20.
Does Anakin reunite with Padme? Does Dooku die? Does Yoda buy a summer home on Dagobah? Does Qui Gon advise anyone to use The Force?
No, no, no and no.
Can you summarize and make up a fake title for Chapter 11, O Hercules?
WHO’S THAT SITH? When Asajj Ventress attacks, Anakin realizes she’s not a droid and the Force is really, really strong with her. He leaves that banking-clan planet with all the Roman architecture to give pursuit. “Do not follow that ship,” commands General Kenobi from the ground. Anakin ignores Obi, then disappears until chapter 17. “Take a squadron and follow him,” moans Obi-Wan. “I have a bad feeling about this.” C+
Chapter 12?
THE STAMPING HORROR. The action abruptly shifts to the wheat fields of Dantooine, where Mace and his clone troops find their battle with the separatist robots interrupted by what looks kind of like a floating sandcrawler. The massive vehicle, piloted by those “roger roger” robots, demonstrates its ability to generate devastating sandstorms by stamping the planet’s surface. These machine-made sandstorms manage to disable most of the Windu’s clone troops. Macey discovers he’s completely lost his pretty purple lightsabre as thousands of robots tighten a circle around him. B
Chapter 13?
INHERIT THE WINDU. Part two of the Mace story demonstrates that the blackest, baldest Jedi don’t need no stinking lightsabre. Master Windu merely obliterates the metal hordes with his fists and telekinesis, even disabling one pesky bot by psychically stripping the mechanical man of its bolts. Mace recovers his sabre and uses it to open the gigantic “stamper” like a can of beans. The chapter ends with a parody of an old soft drink commercial as a local boy offers the battered Jedi a tasty beverage. B+
Chapter 14?
THE TEMPLE IS BREACHED. Another abrupt change of venue. Just as Barriss Offee - an alien female who runs a kind of secret, sacred Jedi finishing school on a secret Hoth-like planet called Ilum - declares female humanoid Luminara Unduli a Jedi grad, invisible spy-der droids arrive to menace the girls. The bots pile gigantic boulder upon gigantic boulder upon the two Jediettes. Far away, a familiar tiny green fellow senses a disturbance in the Force. “To Ilum we must go!” A-
Chapter 15?
YODA VS. THE INVISOBOTS. Yoda is with Padme, Capt. Typho, Artoo and Threepio on a shiny spaceship. He uses the Jedi mind trick to convince Typho to change their plans. “Save the lives of Jedi I must,” repeats Typho. Padme happens to have a skin-tight snow-bunny suit aboard, but Yoda tells the others to stay put. “Call you I will, if assistance I require.” There is much fighting, and the installment ends with Yoda mind-lifting the giant boulders to see what’s left underneath. B-.
Chapter 16?
THE MISSING JEDI. “I have a bad feeling about this,” mutters Padme. “Master Yoda has been gone too long.” Ordering Artoo and Threepio to to accompany her, she uses her cloak to bait an invisodroid, then uses a terrified Threepio the same way. Yoda appears with Offee and Unduli from chapter 14, and holo-instructions from Count Dooku are found: “Find the temple on Ilum and destroy it.” B
Chapter 17?
THE JUNGLE PERIL. We pick up Anakin essentially where we left him in Chapter 11. He follows skull-faced Sith’s pet Asajj Ventress to what looks suspciously like Yavin IV, and Obi’s clones arrive moments later. Anakin orders the clones to sweep the jungle, and Asajj makes good sport of dashing the hapless clones against trees with her brawny telekinesis. Anakin spots the last surviving clone. “What happened?” he asks, and is answered only with an explosion that blows the clone to bits. Asajj emerges to claim credit. “You’re going to pay for what you’ve done,” snarls Anakin. “Your fall will be my ascention to the Sith,” sneers Asajj. A-
Chapter 18?
BLADES IN THE FOREST. Anakin and Asajj fight, bouncing off, swinging from and climbing the local fauna like they spilled over from “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” or something. Asajj continues to use two lightsabres at once and tosses thick logs at her opponent. The two star each other down. It begins to rain. Drops turn to steam as they hit the sabres. B-
Chapter 19?
VENGEANCE ON YAVIN. The fight moves indoors to the flooded stone relics. Stone columns are flung. They battle to the top of a stone structure. Asajj bats away Anakin’s sabre. Anakin grabs Asajj’s wrists and prys away one of her sabres. The stone structure crumbles beneath Asajj’s feet as they continue to fight. Anakin sees the faces of Yoda, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan as she plummets to her death. Anakin screams. B-
Chapter 20?
OH MY ACHING TAINT! “The I.G. Banking Clan has surrendered,” announces General Kenobi. “The Republic is victorious.” Anakin returns to the banking-clan planet flying Asajj’s ship. “It was a trap,” acknowledges Commander Skywalker. “One set by the Sith.” “I find the Sith’s interest in you most troubling,” replies Obi-Wan. A “Master Barrick” sends word that the Jedi are under siege elsewhere. Barrick’s message is cut short when the separtists’ General Grievous steps on Barrick's communicator.
The action shifts to Barrick’s planet, where the Jedi are waiting for Grievous to make his next move. The hiding Jedi say things like “Why have they stopped?” “He is unstoppable!” “This is the end!” “We’re all doomed!” “He is coming again!” “We can’t face him!” Things go very badly. It turns out Grievous can wield three lightsabres at one time. Grievous whittles the Jedi down until it’s just him and the terrified, tall-headed Andy Dick Jedi. Just as Grievous goes in for the final kill … A
How does it end, spoiler-boy?
… we cut to Yoda, who looks wistfully toward the horizon. “Darker the coming storm grows,” he moans. “The dark cloud of the Sith shrouds us all.”
What’s good?
The movies’ more important characters have bigger roles in this second set of 10.
What’s not so good?
Asajj can be killed by a fall? Why doesn’t she just save herself with telekinesis?
Herc’s rating for “Clone Wars” 1.11-1.20?
***1/2
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
***** better than we deserve
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins
Watch “Wonderfalls”!! Herc says it’s the season’s best new show!! 9 p.m. Fridays!! Fox!!
Looking for bumper stickers, plush toys and girls’ underwear covered with cartoon double-amputees? Visit The Herc Store!
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WORD UP
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Bwah!
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Holy god, they better edit these damn things together into one or two long episodes. I taped the first set during one of the marathons they ran a couple months ago, and I gave up watching because it was such a pain in the ass to have to fast forward through credits and the introductions over and over and over.
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Was a giant steaming pile of turd and I can prove it scientifically with a two graphs and a pie chart.
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Mar 26, 2004 8:50:48 AM CST
Isn't this mostly just a rerun of a previous Herc post?
by rev_skarekroe
Also, I think "The Coming Storm" would be a good name for Ep. III. Yes I do. sk
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Funny I did that when that steaming pile of crap Wonderfalls first aired two weeks ago. Nyyahhh!!!
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Mar 26, 2004 2:41:22 PM CST
Can we get somebody to review these that actually likes Star War
by pbj street gang
Just dreary. Your childhood is lost.. Who hurt you, man?
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This is most likely since Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic has you collect crystals to improve your light saber in the game. Which means LucasArts found out about it during one of their meetings about the prequels when developing clone wars, Jedi starfighter, or Obi Wan
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I remember reading about lightsaber crystals in the Timothy Zahn novels about 10 years ago, so the concept is older than the prequels.
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Awesome stuff......
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I completly missed the first season so this is the first one I saw and it was good but the 4 or 5 minute thing is terrible. Thankfully I have that digital recording thingie and I'll just wait ten days to watch the whole thing. The animation was nice except for the characters which SUCK. I hate that style of animation and it's totally inapproriate for SW. The sound was sweet though.
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Mar 27, 2004 11:59:35 AM CST
Animatrix this ain't. CW may have set television animation back
by truthseekr1488
Not to mention the wooden, humorless, one-dimensional characters, cheezy backgrounds, and repetitious firefights. Saturday morning fare at best.
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Mar 27, 2004 8:53:55 PM CST
I had a geekgasm when Anakin said "I have you now" and used his
by tall_boy
teehee, I'm such a little bitch.
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And if the Emperor couldn't save himself from falling, why should the sith bitch?
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Mar 28, 2004 7:17:19 PM CST
Herc should've updated the report based on the last talkback on
by toonimator
Lots of stuff was clarified, like Barris is the Padawan, Luminara the Master, not the other way around... and Asajj Ventress does NOT die in the fall. She's just out of the picture for the cartoon, and for anyone that only watches the cartoons & the films. She returns many times in other Clone Wars stories, in the novels & comics. Well, at least the comics. So does Durge, for that matter (and his exploded bits are seen slowly creeping together in his last animated appearance; again, folks only experiencing the Clone Wars thru the cartoons can write him off as dead, but folks reading the comics, too, get to see more of him). As an animator I take exception to that comment about "setting TV animation back 10 years", or "saturday morning fare". Ha! Most "Saturday morning fare" looks like utter shit compared to Clone Wars. The style of Genndy's shows may not appeal to everyone, but they're beautiful and well-animated, even if all the drawings aren't "perfect". Then again, "Saturday" may be the perfect day to ascribe these cartoons to. Just like the old Saturday movie serials. "Star Wars", I think, has always been kid-accessible, like the old serials, but it's not "for" kids. What sets TV animation back "X years" is importing huge blocks of anime series on the cheap that are even more blatant at advertising toys/games than most American animated shows, and also make studios less inclined to spend the capital to create a new series originating here in the States, even though the actual animation will mostly be done overseas. THAT is the problem. Not experimenting stylistically. Why pay hundreds of thousands an episode for an American series & employ a few dozen American artists, writers, directors and more when you can pay $10,000 to license each episode of a foreign series and only have to hire a couple translators, a script-polisher, a few other people, and voice actors to dub it over? TV animation is already near the bottom of its barrel. Creator-driven shows like Samurai Jack, and well-done licensed shows like Clone Wars, can only bring it up out of the muck.
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But Animatrix did set the standard imo for what 21st century animation should be, and after all (like a fool) I expect more from Lucas than Hanna-Barbera / Space Ghost level production values. (Hell, even Futurama makes great use of CGI, and the Batman animated series has more style). The original SW trilogy was not just for "kids," and while Ep 1 and 2 clearly aimed at a lower age group, CW seems to be hitting at the elementary school set.
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Not only he(?)'s not familiar with the basic facts of the SW universe, he(?) even stinks.
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I was going to point out that Star Wars was set "a long time ago..." and Krypton blew up around 1936 but we don't know how long it took Kal to get here, and besides it said "kryptonite-LIKE" which could mean "any glowing radioactive poisonous mineral substance that only affects some people and then seems to affect them differently at different times."
These are cute little plotless cartoon segments and they don't have too many muppets in them. -
Hmm.. maybe they;re on to something here. Do a mini-series of ten shorts, then another, keep it up until they have an entire story, then edit off all the credits and recaps and previews and actually make a full length animated feature out of it. That would beat taping the marathons and having to fast forward through the front and back credits over and over.
Years ago I bought a tape of all seventeen Fleisher Superman cartoons and nifty as they are, after the first three you really never want to hear that theme song again.
(Of course the same is true of Enterprise.) -
Ep 13 was insane... Great action with Mace. I loved the way the force affected the dust and then the droides... The ass kicking was great too. Overall I'm enjoying these shorts WAY more than I thought I would. I wish they'd spin this off into a full-time show after EpIII, but It might end up sucking if the same creative people werent behind it. Regardless, Ep13's animation and action was amazing.
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Mar 31, 2004 12:56:38 AM CST
How sad is it that the greatness of this toon is overlooked by n
by e.c.
Nightmare Before Christmas and Iron Giant had not-the-ultra-high-quality-standard artstyles too, so bitch about those too. Batman: TAS was brought up earlier, which is funny because that artstyle is EXACTLY what Clone Wars has done. It took the simple route, but maintained its style overall and made it up in great writing (or in this case, storyboarding), which ultimately makes the series more unique and memorable than it would have been if it was done like all the other anime shit. Saying that Clone Wars isn't comparable to Batman's simplistic style is delusional. Ch 13 was AWESOME. Tartakovsky is a genius.
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Mar 31, 2004 6:14:32 PM CST
anyone who says the animation on Clone Wars is bad needs to have
by tall_boy
fuckin idiot. See that LOTR: Extended Edition in your DVD case? Go jack off on it some more, you'll feel better.
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I haven't seen all of Samurai Jack, which has had some impressive action sequences. And FLCL still contains some of the most imaginative & beautiful pieces. But Episode 13 of The Clone Wars, with Mace Windu unleashed, sans-saber, just brought out the Star Wars-loving kid in me. Unbelievable. The depiction of his powers in Ep 12 was great; 13 kicks it up several notches. The tracking of his Force-speed run was wonderful. His super-speed punches & droid-destroying Force blasts were amazing. Dismantling the one droid, then using the pieces to shread the droids following him was brilliantly staged & animated. Best depiction of a fully powered & capable Jedi yet. Heck, it's one of the best depictions of a SUPERHERO yet! Then when he gets the saber back, and nonchalantly begins deflecting blasts one-handed... wow. My favorite episode of the series, so far, and kudos to the entire crew. Goddamn that was beautiful. Yoda kicking ass in Episode 15 was great as well, but it's Yoda. Just as in AOTC, it's coolness is balanced by the humor of this little guy with a walking stick suddenly becoming a hi-speed Jedi powerhouse. Doesn't hold a candle to Mace. I may not enjoy the prequel films, but the cartoons have more than made up for it. Genndy, Scott, Michel, the Brothers Andrews, everyone: great work!
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This the way the films should've been.
Great stuff.Iconic poses,a few well chosen catchphrases,innovative action sequences,and didnt labour the story points.Makes the real films look old school and empty.Thats not a diss on George Lucas but the fact is the next generation of artisans should of headhunted and been given the baton to advance Star Wars under his supervision to create......Dam man it wasn't mean't to be like this.But this cartoon series was excellent and samurai jack is the best series out there as well so big up all of you.At least it has been proven that the talent is out there........
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