Cool News
Mr Beaks gets down to the truth regarding CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!
Hey folks, Harry here... Well - seems many of us, myself included got excited about that peek behind the Wonka Walls at John August's script for Tim Burton's next delicious cinematic confection... but alas... it was as substantial as Fizzy Lifting Drink itself. Just a lot of air. John August wrote Beaks to set the whole thing straight and that Stud, Mr Beaks set me straight, and well... I'm passing it along to y'all. Sorry bout dat, here's the lowdown...
Hey you big hunk of red maned lust material,
John August sez the script review is bogus. As you'll
read, he at least gives us an idea of what the
adaptation we'll be like, though much of that
information was dropped in my interview w/ him back in
December.
Mr BeaksNote: forwarded message attached.
Subject: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Hey Beaks,
Since you're the one person I can actually put a face to over at AICN, I wondered if you could pass along a note to the Powers That Be regarding Michael Marker's glowing script review of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:
This guy is completely bullshitting. He hasn't read my draft, or as best I can tell, any draft at all. At best, I can guess he's a slightly-obsessed fan. Notice that it's signed:
"-A loving work of fiction by Michael Marker-"
He made up the entire thing.
I really shouldn't care, but I don't want there to be any vast cognitive dissonance when the movie comes out and 1) Mrs. Bucket doesn't work at a Tennis Shoe Factory, or 2) nothing is even remotely as it is in this guy's review.
If people want spoilers, they can read the original book by Dahl. The movie is ALMOST EXACTLY like the book, with a little extra to explain how Willy Wonka became a candy magnate, and an ending that goes a little further to pay off Wonka's handing-off of the factory to Charlie. With Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, I think the movie will absolutely rock.
Anyway, hope you're doing well.
-- John August
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+ Expand All
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I ain't saying nothing else...you know what I mean.
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Mar 22, 2004 11:38:26 PM CST
Does this mean Marilyn Manson might be involved after all?
by burnhollywood
"Veruca Salt was candy-sucking SCUM, Charlie. She deserved all that she got, which was my WONKA HEEL grinding into her PASTY, FATTENED FACE. Let all the little hypocrites and suck-ups BURN. Speaking of which, I feel a song coming on..."
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Mar 22, 2004 11:47:31 PM CST
Harry didn't even read the whole Miochael Marker artcile before
by smarkjobber
It doesn't take an e-mail to Beaks from August to confirm the script review's fakeness. If Harry would have takn the time to read the ENTIRE review, he would have noticed that the writer signed off with, "A loving work of fiction by Michael Marker." I posted that realization in the orginal talkback (with no reply). It was clear as day and yet nobody (including Knowles) cared to notice...
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Why have two weeks gone by without a new Ask A Filmmaker column from you, Ms Spheeris, and Mr. Stapleton? You're all going to return, right? Every once in awhile I get worried that the IMDb will no longer deem the column a worthy investment, and it will just disappear. *** Oh, and Go kicks ass.
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In the last month, this, batmobile, Batman Begins oneshot, what else? Ain't We Fooled! I just dropped this page down my daily bookmark a couple notches. I think you guys have moved on to movie making and this site is suffering. Well good luck reaching for the stars- try to remember to leave soemone tending the farm. Cheers!!
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Mar 23, 2004 1:03:33 AM CST
Well it was a damn site better than that 'HAS A BEER AND CHEETS.
by cash bailey
I believed every word of it.
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I thought it might be a fake, since August had made such a big deal about not having seen the original movie, and then the script review had at least two elements taken only from the movie (Wonka's entrance and Slugworth as significant character). I must admit I did kind of like the guy's idea about Wonka's entrance. But I am relieved to read it was a fake since it would be wrong for August to move the story to the US and to rename all the Wonka candies.
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The bogus script review was obviously posted by a disgruntled Joe Piscopo clone, angered after trying to steal the real Piscopo's identity thereby giving him royalty money on all of the Piscopo's past works. Then he would take over the world with an army of orange-faced midget apes. Luckally, the real Piscopo can't legally recieve any royalties because he never did anything non-apes/chocolate related. No money for those/no money for nothing. Let's thank the God of Fuck for saving us against the scourge of the Piscopo clones.
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In the rush to get that early scoop, it seems like you'll just put up any old thing before checking it out. How many of these scoops have had to be retracted in the last month? It's getting embarassing.
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The fact he signed it as a work of fiction should have tipped everyone off as to the bullshit factor of the review. Why did it need August to write in?
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That is all.
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Oompa lumpa doompa da brother...
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Whooo! STOP it Judge D., you're KILLING me with the Hulk Hogan shtick! So, NOT funny, so UNoriginal. Not an original bone in your body. Get a life man.
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Charlie is the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet! Some Wonkas are just tighter than others! ----- Sorry Pontsing, were you saying something? ;^)
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Mar 23, 2004 10:05:12 AM CST
they should make wonka 2: electric boogaloo with hulk hogan as t
by zombiejesus666
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Mar 23, 2004 1:05:01 PM CST
tim burton is the hottest tomboy bean pole on the planet
by cornstalkwalker
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Thank God for that. I guess it will be in England after all.
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Mar 23, 2004 2:15:58 PM CST
i can't believe the guy actually admits it's a "work of fiction"
by bearison ford
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your a really sad individual.
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MESSAGE TO FANS: WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME HERE, HOWARD STERN NEEDS YOUR HELP. DON'T SEND MONEY OR SUPPLIES, JUST SEND LETTERS TO THE FCC AND YOUR LOCAL REPRESENTATIVES. SAVE HOWARD STERN. Notch out.
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www.WhiteEyeLid.com
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...when is The Punisher coming out again? April 16th...riiiight... *Goes back to sleep*
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...Howard Stern is a No Talen Ass Clown... the only way he can get ratings is to have girls come in and take off their clothes. Wow, I'm like all impressed.
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Actually, I for one always look forward to Judge Doom's Hulk Hogan casting suggestions. Between them and those crazed "first posters," I much prefer the Hulkster. Don't back down to peer pressure...
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I think that all the Oompa Loompas should be tiny animatronic Oprahs.
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Mar 24, 2004 9:49:01 AM CST
I knew it was a fake when it had Grando stealing the Glass Eleva
by can of bees
Harry's so stupid. Put the word "chocolate" in something and he'll post it. You know it and I know it.
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Or maybe wait untill after the movie comes out.
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