There that's the review!

Ok ok ok, you want more. Of course you do. This film is tied up in some sort of legal


hell, something like producers suing producers. Whatever it is, they need to get the sticks


out of their rectums and get this sweetie in theaters. FAST!!! This one is a possible gold


mine in my opinion.

Ok ok ok, I know I know. You're thinking I'm full of sheeeeeeeeeet! Well, I'm not.


Directed by cult director Stuart Gordon this movie succeeds on many levels. Let me show


them.

FROM THE OPENING SHOT this film kicks ass. You remember that pretentious Star


Trek Generations champagne opening? Well this one kicks that one's ass. Think of the


truck driver equivalent to champagne.

The Production Design is amazing!!! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!!! Who's responsible? Well


Bernie Wrightson, Ron Cobb and that guy who does the robotic chromy babes. (sorry, I


can't remember your name) Bernie is a GOD. If you don't know his name, then


DAMMIT GET TO RESEARCHING!!!! Ron Cobb... Well Ron is just damn cool. You


probably know his work from Conan The Barbarian. The attention to detail, the amount


of gags, the gloriousness of this kickass film will make for a super laserdisc, and a fantastic


multiple viewing film.

SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE


PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE


PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SQUARE


PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE


PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE


PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SQUARE PIGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pure Genius.

The concept of Square Pigs deserves some sort of mega geek prize for all involved.


Including Dennis Hopper teasing one with a Hotdog. Speaking of Hopper, he is perfect as


the ultimate trucker, better than Kris Kristofferson in CONVOY!!!!! Stephen Dorf is ok.


But it is Charles Dance's character that will leave you talking for days!!! The single best


sight-gag in a long long time. Charles has had the unfortunate habit of being in sucky


films that shoulda been cool. (Last Action Hero, Alien 3) However, he gets this part in a


film that shoulda sucked, but ends up kicking ass. This is the coolest film I've seen this


year.

That's a bold statement, I know, but this is what ICE PIRATES and SPACEBALLS


should have been. I loved it like I love Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstien. I think


those are better, but this is right in there.

This movie proves why Models KICK ASS.

Ohhhhhh helllll, I haven't even mentioned WILLIAM SMITH!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right, that


ultra cool dude from HOLLYWOOD MAN and RED DAWN stalks this film as a flunky


biker sidekick with a pony tail. I almost shit green apples when I saw him. You


remember him, he's Conan's dad!!!

Oh hell, the score is FANTASTIC. I have no idea who this fella is, in fact I can't even


remmeber his name. But take note of it when you see it. My favorite music for a film this


year. Think of John Williams' Cowboys theme but with a more hip beat. Gorgeous, BIG


music.

Oh yeah then there are the robots. Those amazing robots. It's my understanding that


there are balletic babes in those robots, and that's why they move so cool, but all I can say


is Stuart Gordon understood Cameron's law about movement. These robots move fast,


you have perceived deadliness. The action stuff with these robots will cause you to


scream out COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL!!!

I couldn't believe my eyes, every aspect of this film exceeded any possible expectation I


had. Made me wish DRIVE INS were still here in Austin. Cause I'd fill up my cooler and


go see this sucker with a bunch of buds (Friends not dope) and laugh and honk my horn


till the sun came up.

Afterwards the stunned audience filed into the lobby where we all talked with geeky glee.


We saw something that we couldn't believe. This film rocked!!! And we wanted them to


thread it up again. But instead 35 Miles From Normal was on the schedule. So I stayed.

35 MILES FROM NORMAL is a good movie. You know the tale of a group of 25ish


kids that are struggling to figure out their "destiny" flicks? This is one of those. A nice


small film. There ain't no violence, there ain't no great conflict, but it does have a group of


promising young actors. The lead guy looked a bit too much like Brandon Lee in the face


for me, it was scary. He was very good though, so was his hopeless never get laid buddy.


And the two girls opposite them were very good.

The dialogue is good, not great. And really that's what I can say about every aspect of


this film. It's good. It doesn't suck. But it doesn't do much really. And the director


seems a bit angst ridden about it. The general reaction is "where are the guns?"

I wouldn't go that far, this was the second time I had seen it, and I wasn't bored. I enjoyed


the characters, but it is hindered by the scale of the story. These characters just aren't


alive enough. CHASING AMY has alot of the pieces this one is missing. No it doesn't


need GAY elements, it just needs more conflict, to push the range of the characters. They


needed to be doing more. The "strike" just isn't enough. If the film comes to your town,


give it a chance, you might just fall in love with it's simple tale. I saw it twice, and I know


people that saw it at all three screenings during the festival.

However, the night's award went to the KICK ASS SPACE TRUCKERS!!! If you can


help this sucker get out of legal problems, do it. I want Space Truckers toys, and a


squeeazable square pig!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!