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Published at: March 19, 2004, 7:08 a.m. CST

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

I’m going to Hell for the headline, but at least I have this review to read on the way...

I just got back from seeing the new zombie movie at midnight at the Arclight in Hollywood. I got there way early, like three hours, and I had nothing to do, and I was getting drunk with my friends at this bar in the lobby. The Arclight looks like MINORITY REPORT and there’s a bar where you can drink which other theaters should have if you have to see a movie with Julia Roberts or Ben Affleck or Freddie Prinze or Steve Martin. Actually, there should be a lot of actors where if they’re in a movie you get a can of beer automatic. Also certain plots, like if there’s a gay friend or a lady ghost.

So we still have all this time, and my one friend says, “We should see the Jesus movie. I hear it’s non-stop ass-kicking.” And I like the sound of that, and I thought for a second that maybe this was another Jesus movie by the TAXI DRIVER guy, only now he’s put guns and bullets going into heads instead of crying and that PLATOON guy’s dick-hose.

I’ll make the Jesus review quick – it fucking rules. It made me yell, “Jesus Christ on a cross!” even the scenes that didn’t have Jesus Christ on a cross. This one’s directed by Mel Gibson and he obviously learned some shit from LETHAL WEAPON 2 because he gets right to the action. There’s a shot of the moon and then right away there’s gladiator dudes beating the crap out of a bunch of hippies. Jesus is this guy with a super-powered left hand – it’s like he can give people Wolverine powers by touching them with his left hand. He makes a guy’s ear grow back but before you know it the gladiator dudes arrest him and beat the be-jeezus out of Jesus for two straight hours. Then they nail him to a cross, and he dies, but not after bleeding enough blood to fill up everyone in CADDYSHACK plus that fat vampire dude in the first BLADE movie. Everyone’s pissed at Jesus. They all want him dead. But this is back in Bible times, when they didn’t have shotguns and chainsaws, and back then when you want to kill a superhero you have to rain two hours of whomp-ass on him and then nail him to something, sort of like a message to other superheroes. And they must have gotten the message, because there weren’t any more superheroes until Superman.

This is a great movie to take a chick to ‘cuz it’s super-violent but you can sit there like, hey, this doesn’t effect me, and she’ll think you’re a total bad-ass. Then here comes the blowjob. Thank you, Jesus.

The only thing wrong with the movie is why didn’t anyone cut off his super-powered left hand, and then use it on other people? Like, you could have a bad guy like in ENTER THE DRAGON, where he puts on different hands – claw hand, flamethrower hand, etc. And one of the hands could be the Jesus hand, and you could heal all your henchmen, or maybe touch yourself while you’re kung-fuing someone, so no matter what they do, you can heal.

Also, I like the Satan chick walking around with the baby that has the “Black Hole Sun” face.

The last shot of The Passion of the “Christ” is of Jesus getting up from the dead and walking out of his grave. This is the perfect movie to see right before DAWNING OF THE DEAD because it’s like Jesus was the original zombie (O.Z. – only super good-looking and not smelly), so when DAWNING opens it’s like it’s a sequel. Now it’s thousands of years later and the being-a-zombie thing that Jesus started has caught on. In fact, Jesus in the first movie is always telling his buddies to eat his skin and drink his blood. So now it’s today, and the zombie followers are taking that idea really fucking seriously.

DAWNING OF THE DEAD rules as hard as THE PASSION, but it so pusses out on the violence. THE PASSION is like, “Hold on, ‘cuz I’m going to…” and you’re waiting for it to say, “Punch you in the balls” but it goes ahead and kicks you in the head and then throws a wrench at your ass until you shit. Still, DAWNING doesn’t have the holy-motion John Woo scenes that the PASSION does, so I guess they balance out.

The first ten minutes of DAWNING are big-ass apocalypse, and then credits, and then right back to the apocalypse. A bunch of people who don’t get the zombie-bite hide in a shopping mall but here come the zombies so it’s shooting and punching and explosions. They don’t show zombies sitting down and just eating people, which sucks, but there’s a great scene with a zombie baby. If you’re trying to convince your dumb-ass girlfriend not to have a baby, this is the movie to take her to. In fact, both PASSION and DAWNING have fucked-up babies, so keep these in mind if you want to win a baby argument.

DAWNING is also a remake of a 70’s film, also about zombies. They do a great job of updating it because this movie is set today, rather than the 70’s. There’s also a cool scene where people on the roof of the shopping mall shoot zombies they think look like celebrities. I think this all the time when I see real celebrities, so it was good for a movie to back me up.

Fuck, I don’t know what else to tell you. PASSION and DAWNING is the greatest double-feature ever, but leave enough time in between for that thank-you Jesus blowjob. Eight stars (four for each), and here’s an idea for the third movie in the trilogy: Zombie Jesus vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. That Slinky-Spine Girl from Pet Semetary.

Neill Cumpston

3:21 a.m.

Neill, you beautiful freak, it’s always nice to hear from you. I need to lay down now because I can’t breathe from laughing so hard. One thing's for sure... thanks to this article, I'm going to go see the Neill Cumpston double feature for myself this weekend. Can't wait for the intermission!!

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback

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  • March 19, 2004, 7:39 a.m. CST

    "Jesus was the original zombie" (!)

    by Lord Ted

    Quality. Now that's what I call a review!!!!

  • March 19, 2004, 7:44 a.m. CST

    Umm...not funny anymore

    by Atticus Finch

    Not that Cumstain's reviews ever were funny to begin with.

  • March 19, 2004, 7:47 a.m. CST

    Cumpston's reviews...

    by Shad0wfax

    ...are one of the few reasons worth checking AICN anymore. He's usually a tad more hyperactive in his reviews than in this but I'll grant him some leeway since it's 3.21am. Anyway, his reviews are a lot better than that hypebag Harry who gives nothing but blowjob reivews to his idols and put downs from those in Hollywood that don't like him.

  • March 19, 2004, 8:11 a.m. CST

    Great reviews (although I thought Passion was weak)...what's fun

    by minderbinder

    And what's even funnier is that DotD has gotten WAY better reviews. Maybe I'll go see it in the theater instead of downloading like I did for Passion.

  • March 19, 2004, 8:14 a.m. CST

    Oh shit, shout out to Neil ... genius.

    by Silver_Joo

  • March 19, 2004, 8:16 a.m. CST

    "And they must have gotten the message"

    by chrth

    Tears in my eyes...

  • March 19, 2004, 8:22 a.m. CST

    "Sweet Zombie Jesus!". Professor Farnsworth.

    by CellarDoor

    These reviews have made my head swim with pleasure. More! I want more!

  • March 19, 2004, 8:37 a.m. CST

    Jumpin' Jim Jam Jimmity Jesus on a Krispy Kreme Cross...

    by Darth Sticky

    Neill Cumpston = BEST FUCKING MOVIE REVIEWER IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA!! Bra-fucking-vo brother!!

  • March 19, 2004, 9:29 a.m. CST

    "Then here comes the blowjob. Thank you, Jesus."

    by trafficguy2000

    I fuckin love this guy!

  • March 19, 2004, 11:21 a.m. CST

    This guy's a fucken IDIOT

    by Rcamacho2278

    Honestly, Jesus was like the first zombie? You fucken ignorant piece of shit. Your just as bad as Jamie Bernard from the Daily news.

  • March 19, 2004, 11:25 a.m. CST

    We NEED to be out this weekend to see this..and smack Jesus from

    by Rob_Graves

    Fuck this shit. Mel's tale of dogmatic dumbness has gone on long enough. Lets' crucify Jesus this weekend with the good ol' dollar. Own it Rocky!!

  • March 19, 2004, 1:33 p.m. CST

    I've submitted this article to the Vatican guys

    by Lord_Soth

    Let's see if they can take a joke...

  • March 19, 2004, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Anybody understand his 'Caddyshack' reference?

    by embrasure

    I'm lost, thanks.

  • March 19, 2004, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Why do people feel the need to compare DOTD to the original DOTD

    by CranialLeak

    (insert tongue in cheek). Seriously though, most reviews have been saying they tried something different, and mostly succeeded. Can a fan of horror appreciate this endeavor? Well, depends on your diehard-ness (sp?) I guess. hehe, I said hard-ness. My feelings are that diehard fans are too caught up in their tradionalist ways and afraid to see a different take on the subject matter because it wasn't what they were taught. Hmm, sounds like another recent topic I've seen on this site for the past month.

  • March 19, 2004, 2:50 p.m. CST

    I see Neill's byline

    by FrankCobretti

    and I know it's time to close the office door, 'cause there's gonna be some laughing going on. Nice work, Neill!

  • March 19, 2004, 3:02 p.m. CST

    Who is this guy?!?!

    by Calhoon

    Any truth to the rumor that this guy is actually David Cross of Mr. Show?

  • March 19, 2004, 3:07 p.m. CST

    Shitting on 2000 years of history and tradition...

    by HarvardsMyBackUp

    thanks. thanks a lot. Oh, wait, it was just a movie, now, wasn't it. that's what I thought.

  • March 19, 2004, 3:08 p.m. CST

    CHRIS WILLINS, FOR READING THIS,YOU OWE ME TREE FITY!

    by SIR-SLEDGE450

    Just a little personal there. On the topic,how funny is this guy? He deserves some kind of medal and/or cash prize.Tree Fity!

  • March 19, 2004, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Keep "The Passion" at number one until Hellboy comes out!!

    by K0NY

    I can see the cover of The Post now: "HELLBOY RULES OVER JESUS!" or maybe "JESUS MAKES ROOM FOR HELLBOY!" or "JESUS DETHRONED, HELLBOY ON TOP!" Man, I can go on all day.

  • March 19, 2004, 4:17 p.m. CST

    What about: Hellboy Makes Jesus his Box-office Bitch!

    by Darth Sticky

  • March 19, 2004, 4:23 p.m. CST

    Not his best, but still better than most

    by 007-11

    I think the first review I read from Neil was for "Matrix Reloaded". Which I think was his first review for the site. Either way it's been bliss ever since.

  • March 19, 2004, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Nice to see JC's fighting skills get a mention,here's 2 more

    by Kungfumanchu

    Finally some props for my mans mad kung fu skills! Gotta mention his "Fall to the Ground" move.I'm still not sure what effect it has but I'm pretty sure it would've worked better if it wasn't in slow motion every time he used it,'cause you can see that shit coming a mile away. My all-time favorite though, is "The Jesus Eye". Everytime a non-believer tried to start some shit,Jesus would just do a slow turn & glare his ass into submission. Fuck Samuel Jackson,THAT'S a bad motherfucker! We kept yelling "Turn away 'fore he puts The Eye on ya!" but nobody could,'cause that's just some strong shit for your ass. Bring on the sequel!

  • March 19, 2004, 4:48 p.m. CST

    Darth Sticky...

    by Blue_Demon

    How about, "The Son of God bows to The Spawn of Satan at the box office!"?

  • March 19, 2004, 6:38 p.m. CST

    Dude, lay off the cocaine!

    by tequilaworm

    GEEZ, you're one hyper mother fucker Neil. Stick to booze like me. That Jesus Zombie thing wasn't cool but you can be funny...CHEERS Amigo!

  • March 19, 2004, 6:40 p.m. CST

    thanks to MyNameIsNobody...

    by HarvardsMyBackUp

    We are all safely back on Earth. You dickheads that are getting your Beavis&Butthead-like rocks off making witty headlines for the release weekend of Hellboy. Truth betold: Mel Gibson will have enough money by the end of the year, to buy the rights to Hellboy and burn that franchise to back to the ground. period. fun times for all. Hellboy lovers, we weep for thee.

  • March 19, 2004, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Also...

    by tequilaworm

    Aren't you a bit too late on this review? Drugs will kill you HE HE!...CHEERS Amigo!

  • March 19, 2004, 6:45 p.m. CST

    Fuck this guy!

    by super Cucaracha

    wannabe Andrew Dice Clay. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Choke on your vomit beeatch!

  • March 19, 2004, 8:04 p.m. CST

    DOTD rawked

    by Autodidact

    I just saw it, here's my review: I'm a big fan of zombie movies. Have seen pretty much all of the major ones. This movie gets it right. You really get the sense of the greater disintegration of society, but you're caught up in the story of one small band of refugees, holed up in a mall. Other reviews I've read say there is a lack of character development in the movie. I think, for a zombie movie with so many players, there is adequate time devoted to the personal growth of these people. The head security guard in particular was a menacing, well-written character who definitely has a clear arc. Sarah Polley's character does not go through a major perceptible change in personality, but there are scenes that show her coping with the changes to the world around her. I do agree that they could have done a better job with mood and lighting. This is probably the brightest lit zombie movie I've ever seen. The filming is skillful, though, and when the action starts the camera is handheld and the exposure is short to give that "strobing" effect like in Saving Private Ryan. Seriously. There are things that evoke a sense of horror and dread in the movie aside from the gore and death. The darker side of human nature bubbles up in our band of survivors on more than one occasion, and a couple very twisted things happen aside from people being torn apart by zombies. My only complaint is that the soundtrack songs are featured a bit too heavily, but some of the song choices are very appropriate. I really liked the swing version of "Get up and monkey down with the quickness" they used. It really added to the surreal nature of the events on screen. Overall I'd say this update is a slight improvement upon the original. I for one like fast zombies, even though they are a bit incongruous with the idea of the "walking dead." Where do they get all the caloric energy to move so quickly for so long? We are never shown fully consumed carcasses.... I'd assume that occasionally a person would be completely eaten before getting a chance to rise as a zombie... I'd really like to see a "simultaneous" sequel showing another perspective on the unfolding of this story. Sort of like what they did in Day of the Dead with the army scientists, only not so lame. This movie compares favorably to recent zombie-genre update 28 Days Later. Both movies have great 1st and 2nd acts, but Dawn of the Dead remains consistent in the finale, compared to 28 Days Later, which practically switches genres for the 3rd act. Go see it! Well worth the full price of two adult admissions and some snacks, as well as your time spent. - Tweek. March 19, 2004 I liked Neil Cumpston's review too. Right on dude. I hope he really is David Cross. I read his "I Love Movies" column over at www.bobanddoug.com and it does have a similar tone.

  • March 19, 2004, 8:06 p.m. CST

    Whoops

    by Autodidact

    www.bobanddavid.com

  • March 19, 2004, 8:08 p.m. CST

    Caddyshack and other niceties.

    by FluffyUnbound

    I believe the Caddyshack reference refers to the scene where Rodney Dangerfield goes to the event at the Country Club and sees all the old people dancing and says, "What is this, the dance of the living dead?" or words to that effect. So it's a zombie in-joke that these people need to be filled up with blood. And by the way, I could watch gladiator dudes beat up on hippies ALL FUCKING DAY. That would make a good movie: hippie-clubbing for two solid hours. "4000 clubbed in O-HI-OH - 4000 clubbed in O-HI-OH". Sing it, Neil!

  • March 19, 2004, 8:38 p.m. CST

    Now before all the religious people shit themselves over this re

    by TheGinger Twit

  • March 19, 2004, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Sorry, but Lazarus was the first zombie.

    by Fred

  • March 19, 2004, 9:38 p.m. CST

    Zombie Christ, The Most Controversial Movie Ever Made

    by ZombieChrist

    The truth is at www.zombiechrist.com. Straight out of Oregon, it's the most ass-kicking Biblical horror flick since the Passion! Neill Cumpston tried to watch it but he choked on his own vomit and died. Good thing I've still got the left hand of darkness, with which I raised him up, to write again. Fucker.

  • March 19, 2004, 11:08 p.m. CST

    FUCK THE REMAKE

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    I'm watching the original on DVD right now, and it's still one of the best movies ever, zombie or otherwise. Whatever enthusiasm I may have had for the remake is being eviscerated and having its guts chewed. I'm sorry, but FUCK THE REMAKE.

  • March 19, 2004, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Clarification

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    The original DAWN OF THE DEAD, that is. What's the original Passion of the Christ? Maybe that bizarre Johnny Cash movie about Jebus? http://imdb.com/title/tt0070125/

  • March 19, 2004, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Cumpston is funny like a clown dying of cancer

    by Darth_Inedible

  • March 20, 2004, 1:46 a.m. CST

    That's the greatest fucking PASSION review yet written

    by Mister Pink

    Funny shit man, and FUCK all the whiny, thinned-skinned babies who can't take a joke about their imaginary superhero.

  • March 20, 2004, 2:02 a.m. CST

    This movie's use of music was outstanding

    by Terry_1978

    From the Bobby McFerrin muzak in the mall to the montage to the tune of a lounge lizard version of Disturbed's The Sickness....hilarious.

  • March 20, 2004, 3:18 a.m. CST

    Only Neil....

    by moviemaniac-7

    Always a highlight to read the man

  • March 20, 2004, 3:50 a.m. CST

    Just saw DOTD remake.

    by CranialLeak

    Last time I plopped down bucks to see a horror flick in the theaters was probably Army of Darkness. No wait, it was 28 Days Later, but before then it was AOD (yes, I'm old). I fell for the rottentomatoes reviews on this DOTD remake, and I'd have to say that I was overall satisfied. It wasn't scary in the sense that there was too much tension. But it was a smart horror flick, which didn't dumb down the audience in a way where everyone's heckling at the screen. I'd also have to say that this one was more entertaining that 28 Days Later, which started out great but got dull towards the 2nd half. This one was fun from start to finish. And oh man, what a start. I didn't catch the 10-minute preview on TV, but I'd have to say that it was pure popcorn adrenaline rush right before the opening credits. The chaos that ensued was actually surprising with the little touches by the director's choice. ****SPOILERS**** I liked how they showed her looking out at her neighborhood and panning across the confusion, I liked how her husband chased her down only to take a detour to get the neighbor, I liked how the director took an overhead shot of the road while a van was rushing head on into the gas station. It was the little touches that made this movie good. The head security guy was a nice surprise. And I actually loved the fact that they didn't give him a transformation or epiphany scene. They just turned the tables on you and you went along for the ride and just said, "cool, I can accept that." Was it a great movie? Heck no. I've seen much scarier movies. I've seen gorier movies. But they didn't do anything majorly wrong, like overloaded cheesy dialogue, overused fake scares (they only had the one with the dog, but was that really scary?), or predictable scenarios (yes, you could have analyzed every scene, but it was much more fun going along with the flow). So go see it, people. Enjoy a good horror movie for once, there aren't that many out there these days.

  • March 20, 2004, 4:46 a.m. CST

    Fast zombies aren't scary.

    by Dolmes

    Slow, methodical, keep on coming, closer, closer ,closer, closer, closer., closer (get the right key for the door!!!) closer, closer, closer, oh fuck it, Dawn Of The Dead was poor. I haven't seen the original so I'm not comparing. As a film it was weak. 28 Days Later was far better and at least the 'zombies' had a reason to run, they were angry and extremely pissed off. Shaun Of The Dead is where it's at people. As for Jesus I wish he still played in the midfield for Wolves FC.

  • March 20, 2004, 6:21 a.m. CST

    neil

    by andymc

    worst review ever

  • March 20, 2004, 7:55 a.m. CST

    When you diss a Neil review,

    by FluffyUnbound

    You may as well put your rainbow bumper sticker on your car right there. Look, you can have our cities, you can get married all you want, you can adopt kids if you want, it's certainly no skin off my ass. But you will NEVER take the word GAY away from us! Never! It's OURS, bitches! And WE FUCKING SAY that it means "lame, effeminate, or contemptible". AND WE GET TO DECIDE WHAT FUCKING WORDS MEAN. And you know what else? When Neil uses it in his double-inverted ironical abuse-the-fanboys-while-catering-to-them way, it is FUCKING FUNNY. That time that he said, "So, this summer I saw 'Terminator: I Suck Cock' and 'Matrix: Suddenly Gay'..." it was a classic comic moment up there with "I'm Rick James, Bitch!" and you all should just accept it and stop fucking complaining. Nobody cares about your fucking hurt feelings and your fucking sense of dehumanization or your fucking struggles for acceptance. We want a word that means exactly what "gay" means when used in this way, because the language needs a one-word way to express that concept. You just can't eliminate the word, or this use of it, because it leave too big a hole. Until you come up with a word that would fill that hole, and until it gains greater currency than the current word, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  • March 20, 2004, 8:58 a.m. CST

    Ummm, sounds like Fluffy has a whole CLOSET full of feelings jus

    by Atticus Finch

    Dude, if you're gay, just let it out! I won't persecute you for it, nor will many others. Judging from your post about the word gay, you have some serious bottled up feelings.

  • March 20, 2004, 9:56 a.m. CST

    That's some funny shit Neill.

    by Tubba-guts

    Yeah, some people take this stuff way too dam seriously. Like that Fluffypussy fellah. Come on and git your Fluffy homo self out of that closet. "He's so gay and he likes to be that way. With his keys on the right, he's into rubber every night let's skate away, down Santa Monica today. Well, maybe he wants a little spanky. Maybe a little bitty chain. Maybe his boy friend should be thanking him for the way he turns his strangle into drops of golden rain. Oh Rico! He's so gay and he likes to be that way." Well, looks like I gots me some movies to go see, Jesus and the Zombies. When does it come out?

  • March 20, 2004, 9:56 a.m. CST

    Nope, LAZARUS was the FIRST ZOMBIE!!!

    by godoffireinhell

    Jesus resurrected him way before he resurrected himself. The Bible = Most Badass Horror Novel Ever.

  • March 20, 2004, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Actually I am polymorphously perverse.

    by FluffyUnbound

    Or I would be, if it wasn't for the fact that human...fluids...are so GROSS. You all smell, really badly, and you don't realize it. And when you talk and I can see the spittle in your mouth - or when you are sweaty and I can see your perspiration glistening - it makes me want to vomit. But I can't do that, either, because vomit is pretty gross, too. I'm all set with everyone until you clean yourselves up a bit. Ever notice how everyone on Law and Order now looks like they were smeared with shit before they came out and started acting? Maybe it's the lighting. Please, god, kill Baz Luhrmann, and kill every cinematographer who saw Moulin Rouge and now films everyone to make them look like they never took a shower in their whole lives. FUCKING DISINFECT YOU FUCKS.

  • March 20, 2004, 11:10 a.m. CST

    ?

    by back&2theleft

    Was Neill a lobotamy surviver or a former crack head?

  • March 20, 2004, 12:55 p.m. CST

    david cross

    by joe brady

    doesn't review movies at bobanddavid.com, doug benson does.

  • March 20, 2004, 1:22 p.m. CST

    These were his weakest efforts to date....

    by the flashlight

    I expected something far more original for something as overwrought and overhyped as Passion. You've let me down Crumpston.

  • March 20, 2004, 1:35 p.m. CST

    can anyone enlighten me as to what this line means?

    by Toe Jam

    "I like the sound of that, and I thought for a second that maybe this was another Jesus movie by the TAXI DRIVER guy, only now he

  • March 20, 2004, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Fluffy, a bit of misplaced angers toward gays there, buddy?

    by Petro45

    I didn't see anyone in this talkback making any comments about Neil's use of the word "gay," so what was your rant about? The only people getting pissed at Neil were bible-thumpers.

  • March 20, 2004, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Toe Jam

    by Petro45

    I never saw "Last Temptation," but from the comment about the "Platoon guy's hose" I assume that Willem Dafoe gave the audience the Bacon/Keitel treatment.

  • March 20, 2004, 1:53 p.m. CST

    you know what? Fuck this Neil idiot, theres PLENTY OF VIOLENCE I

    by Bourne GreyElf

    Seeing zombies sit down and start munching on people what be pointless and totally break up the action, and this movie has LOTS of fucking action, it stops once maybe, and for only like, a few minutes of summed up peace the characters get when their in the mall. besides, it has some hot blonde getting fucked doggy style, something rated r movies haven't had in a long time. oh, and there IS as a scene where a zombie is munching on someone. the janitor in the mall, whos zombified, is eating this guy in the closet, that completely split open from the neck to the groin, every organ in plain view for all to see. theres plenty of heads blowing up, and jugular bitings. Fuck you if you get pissed at me for saying this, but its BETTER than the original. better script, better acting, better characters, better zombies. oh, and at least this movie has the guts to have zombie children (although it loses its nerve by only having 2 zombie children, which is a little dissapointing). all and all, this movie fucking rocks, go see it! its the lord of the rings of zombie flicks right now.

  • March 20, 2004, 2:44 p.m. CST

    Princess Buukaakee??? you like cum baths?

    by Bourne GreyElf

    oh my.....

  • March 20, 2004, 2:45 p.m. CST

    My Dawn of the Dead review...

    by Big Papa

    ...that's going in my school newspaper.*****The original Dawn of the Dead is one of my five favorite films of all time. It

  • March 20, 2004, 2:48 p.m. CST

    Why is it?

    by JAGUART

    When you express your 'distaste' for gays, the first thing assholes do is accuse you of being one? wonder what would happen if we went around applying this same trick to other aspects of peoples lives. Like say, when you ask them if they think terrorism is bad and they say yes, that really means they secretly want to be a terrorist, cause how do they know them terrorists are really all that bad unless they try a little terrorism. Or if they're pro-life, tell em that just shows they really want to have an abortion they just aren't admitting it. Try killing a few babies BEFORE you decide that it's a wrong thing to do, right? Or how do they know they won't like eating a pile of your shit unless they try it, unless they are practicing shit eaters how do they know it doesn't taste like chocolate? Huh, maybe they ARE shit eaters (ha ha ha). You never know unless you try it right? You don't have to jump off a cliff to prove to yourself that gravity exists. Why should one have to embrace homosexualtiy to show they have an aversion to it. There is such a thing as knowledge inherent or implied knowledge. Shit smells bad, looks disgusting and is expelled out of your ass. Chances are it isn't going to taste like a Hershey's Kiss.

  • March 20, 2004, 2:51 p.m. CST

    Dawn of the Dead

    by WoodyStiffer

    Great flick - saw it last night with a rowdy opening night crowd. Good stuff. I never saw the original, but this one was fun. Oh yeah, Mel Gibson is still a crazy ass fruitcake.

  • March 20, 2004, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Super Jesus

    by WoodyStiffer

    Nice review on SplatterChrist Cumpston...

  • March 20, 2004, 3:49 p.m. CST

    Hell yea Neil is going to Hell...

    by Lost Skeleton

    ...and I am loving every minute of it! Go Neil Go! "2" 7/4/04

  • March 20, 2004, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Fuck you guys, I just saw DOTD during the day and I'm still all

    by Big Bad Clone

    Can't sleep zombies will eat me!!!!!!! Fucking fast zombies, holy shit! Look, I'll level with ya'll the only monsters/scary movies that scare me are zombies and killer doll/puppets. I've seen tons of them. Some have been scary, gory, funny, and just plain good. DOTD does a good job in telling a straight foward story with very few, but good stylistic flares. It doesn't feel stuck at any moment and shows you a motherfucking zombie apacolypse about as well as can be imagined. Fucking fast zombies, when the fuck will I ever be able to go to sleep again?

  • March 20, 2004, 5:06 p.m. CST

    it is kind of like that

    by stvnhthr

    Remember the scenes in Passion where the angry crowd mocks and spits at Jesus because they don't understand who he really is? Yeah, this review is kind of like that.

  • March 20, 2004, 7:34 p.m. CST

    Vern rip-off

    by tree141

    Stop calling this guy funny. This is Vern's bit, to the letter. It's disgraceful to reward him for this thievery.

  • March 20, 2004, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Stop calling the infected in 28 Days zombies

    by magic_ninja

    Cause they weren't. They were INFECTED HUMANS. Why idiots seem to think the "infected" in 28 Days later were zombies continues to confuse everyone with a brain.

  • March 20, 2004, 8:17 p.m. CST

    Why would any of you want an explanation for the zombification?

    by Hung-Wei Lo

    What could possibly be said on screen, that would make you satisfied with an explanation of how the people got infected? Here's a little hint, zombification is fictional! Hence, it can't really happen. So quit trying to explain something that isn't real. I've also been reading comments like, "That wouldn't really happen because such-and-such would cause blah blah blah". Hey, there are many ways to tell a story -- yours is one of them. The problem is, somebody else got the money and the writing credits, not you. And don't forget, it's -- a -- freakin' -- horror movie! Did you question why God cursed Pia Zadora in The Exorcist? Did you question how little Haley could see ghosts? Did you ever wonder why my penis was small? No! They're all just horror stories! Get over yourselves, people.

  • March 20, 2004, 8:18 p.m. CST

    OK, I know it was Linda Blair, I was just rushing...

    by CranialLeak

    <eom>

  • March 20, 2004, 8:20 p.m. CST

    Hmm

    by CranialLeak

    Now I gave away my other moniker. How embarrassing...oh well. It's not like the Internet is filled with real people. You are all just demons talking to me in my head.

  • March 20, 2004, 8:24 p.m. CST

    GREAT horror movie!

    by hal-9-thou

    The best times I've ever had at the movies have been with a crowd watching a horror movie. Gonna date myself now, but "The Howling", "Nightmare on Elm Street", "Hellraiser", "Fright Night", and many other horror classics are best seen with an AUDIENCE to participate in the thrills, chills, & laughs. This one delivers. The dead fat lady scene is CLASSIC! Dead mama giving birth scene, CLASSIC! Blonde-chick-meets-chainsaw, well, maybe not classic, but EFFECTIVE audience scream inducer! There are many more great scenes to cringe or laugh at communally. I definitely got my moneys worth. Will probably even go see it again with a crowd next weekend. Good horror movies don't come along that often, and this is one of them.

  • March 20, 2004, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Suspension of Disbelief

    by Tigernan

    Of course it's fiction - but fiction still has to work on rules or anything can happen, and if that's true, there's no story. Maybe you don't need an explanation of how it works -- fine, but then why not have everyone magically turn into people at the end of the movie? That doesn't work for you? Why? Oh, because it's not a good story. Exactly. I would have preferred that they stayed away from the whole virus angle entirely. You die, you rise -- that would have been fine. I guess then they couldn't have leaned so heavily on the "bite issue" (like they did for several characters), but less rules for zombies actually makes more sense. Animated, rage-filled corpses that want to kill? Gotcha. They want to eat -- what? Able to run -- well, as long as they were "fresh" I don't have a huge issue with it. Eyes still in their sockets a month later -- what? You shoot them in the brain to stop them? But isn't their brain already rotting in their skull? It's not like it carries electrical signals still. If they do another movie (and why wouldn't they?), I hope they deal with the stages of zombification -- thousands of half-rotted corposes thrashing on the ground while new ones still run full tilt. Not to mention the rash of bacterial diseases that come from so much dead tissue, and the surge in insect population. The air would be thick with blowflies. Ugh. As for the zombie Jesus -- wow, some people need to get a humorendomy, stat. It's a pretty natural comparison, and a funny one at that. Stop making everything with the Jesus brand on it so damned untouchable. Sheesh.

  • March 20, 2004, 9:46 p.m. CST

    NEW AND IMPROVED

    by TomVee

    "It's BETTER than the original. better script, better acting, better characters, better zombies." Right on, brudder. The only thing that could have made it better would have been a personal appearance by the Hulkster hisself. The scene in the janitor's closet echoes a scene in the original when the zombies pull out and munch on the intestines of the screaming biker. Very nicely done. If only we had seen more rotting-face zombies, but we had to settle for quick-cut shots at the end, over the credits, where clearly there is an island full of really rotting, puss-faced, leprosy-looking zombies. Anybody know what film that scene is paying trbiute to? And don;t say BLAIR WITCH, bitch!

  • March 20, 2004, 10:37 p.m. CST

    FUNNEH! no.

    by Rew

    Are you guys done sucking Neill's cock yet? Was it really that funny? This review was seriously absolutely worthless. I usually don't post about stuff like this but GOD, just send the guy love emails instead of letting everyone else on the board know that you're jerking off to his "review."

  • March 20, 2004, 11:22 p.m. CST

    Banned

    by Damer1

  • March 20, 2004, 11:51 p.m. CST

    The problem with zombies

    by Tigernan

    is that as movie monsters, they have always straddled a line that other "monsters" don't have to -- their basic existence is based on physiology, that they are an animated dead body. But in order for that to work, you have to ignore basic physics of how a body works, everything from respiration and oxygen exchange to make muscles work to blood flow needed to make muscles contract to locomotion and decomposition issues. Ignore all those things? Fine, I have no problem with that, let's call it radiation or magic, whichever. If it's magic, fine, they can do whatever -- except that filmmakers seems to be hellbent to stick to the virus/bacteria thing, and having magic in the worlds these people live in doesn't seem to work. Okay, radiation? Again, fine, that let's you ignore all of the mentioned physical issues, but it doesn't explain their need to feed and attack. Let's say that it is this virus or whatever that causes a dead brain to suddenly spit out electricity like crazy and go into a primal "hunting" state, and that their need to feed isn't really about hunger, but some sort of auto-response. Again, fine with me, but I'm back to the basic physical issues, in which it takes more than electricity to make a body move, run, bite, fight, etc. And this is all before we get anywhere near things like cataracted eyes that can't see, and all the other senses that would be needed to attack that would have attrophied pretty much immediately. These are all things that other monsters don't have to deal with -- they are either clearly a creature, clearly magic, or clearly something else. My friend and I saw the movie today, and her only real concern (and she's not a horror movie fan) was that nobody put forth an opinion about why this was happening to them. There was talk of Hell being full, but it got dropped -- if I were in that mall, it would be hard to think of anything else but. Personally, my major complaint was the time factor -- it didn't add up. The time that Sarah was passed out in her car seemed huge -- I realize they were doing flashes from all over the country, but as someone said earlier, if it's bites that are making this happen, it was spreading a lot faster than it probably should have. The happy shiny montage in the mall made it seem like they were there for a month, but apparently not. And I'm baffled as to why they handled the ending like they did -- why string it through the credits? Why use the tired video camera device? How did they end up going to a tropical island? (Apparenlty that's supposed to be in Wisconsin, but it sure didn't look like it) And these zombies were significantly more decomposed, meaning that it looked like it had been awhile -- but again, since they'd been in the mall, or on the water? Grrr. There were places where it felt that the screenwriter wasn't trying hard enough. Too many characters? Knock them off three at a time. Zombie baby? Cool idea, but it went nowhere. Trapped in a mall? Neat, but it could have taken place in a garage for all the use they made of it. So on and so forth. Don't get me wrong, I liked it but thought that more could have been made out of the premise. (We discussed whether the zombies would have different looks -- for example, I live in Las Vegas, where the climate is very dry, meaning the undead would be more like mummies, as opposed to say the southern states, where it's more humid and they would be more bloated and flyblown) Ahh, the ideas.

  • March 21, 2004, 12:13 a.m. CST

    I'll tell you who Neil is...

    by Iggy5000

    I just saw that Tourettes victim talk that is Kevin Smith and he made allusions to "the two zombie movies". Granted, he steals. He steals whenever he can, so it could also just mean he still reads AICN *shrugs* In defense of The Passion: I think the film is really only a living stations of the cross. The film conveys no spirituality or message, it's just a mostly straight version of what's written in the Bible. It does annoyingly take two or three liberties for no apparent reasons in tidbits that don't matter,really, but I think what Gibson was going for was to fill one with gratitude. Gratitude over the amount and degree of sacrifice the son of God made whilst a man here on earth. I think you guys are missing it. It's just a simple movie, from the heart, meant to gather the choir. That's all. That's what it has done. Haven't seen Dawn.

  • March 21, 2004, 4:08 a.m. CST

    Just saw DOTD

    by JAGUART

    and its really a social commentary on Fags. Imagine all those Zombie Fags running after you trying to suck your cock and make you a fag too. I guess that means I really want to become a zombie cock-sucking faggot.

  • March 21, 2004, 8:47 a.m. CST

    Given the box office....

    by FluffyUnbound

    There is definitely going to be another zombie movie, soon, so there is always a chance that some of the better ideas being advanced here could be used. I also wondered to myself "Why not just run to the Bayou? You'd only have to hold out for about a week and all the zombies would rot away. New Orleans is so wet you can't even bury your dead, they rot so fast." I also said to myself, "There are at least 100 islands off the coast of Maine where people would survive. Blow the bridges, shoot any left behind zombies in the head, and take over the farms in situ." The fast zombies worked better in a non-Romero context because it explains why society fell. Slow zombies just don't take down the entire US, unless you do it Romero-style and have the cops and the army just call "Every man for himself" and walk, or sail, or fly, off the job. There was some of that here, but not as much - the fact that these fuckers could move made it more plausible, a little. They would be on me before I could even nail the plywood up to my windows. Actually, after the first ten minutes of this film, I wondered why society lasted as long as it did. It looked to me like it would be all over by about 11 AM. So keep the fast zombies, decay them a little, and make a sequel [or a Day remake, however you want to look at it]. Increase the budget and have what's left of the government holed up on islands off the North Carolina coast, but their little system is breaking down because they can't feed everyone they've saved and the old power structures don't make sense anymore - the army dudes won't believe that they need to listen to every surviving member of Congress for a country that is gone, and the rich people that were first in line to be saved aren't rich any more when the stock market isn't exactly opening on Monday. They need to retake parts of the mainland - only that isn't so easy, and it might be a better idea to just take other islands, that happen to be inhabited by other survivors. And the country collapsed so fast that no one remembered to turn off the nuclear reactors, and if they start to blow the zombies won't mind but the radiation will take out any living humans who are left. So you can have army guys running "Blackhawk Down, with zombies" operations to give you the travelogue of zombie America while back in NC you have a "Dr. Strangelove, with zombies" thing going on as old America discovers that its psychological forms don't fit so well in a malevolent universe. Excuse me while I wipe the tear from my eye, I am struck by how beautiful it would be...

  • March 21, 2004, 11:45 a.m. CST

    he is just not funny

    by andymc

    he is just not funny i really dont see how anyone could find his reviews pant wettingly funny. if he was on a movie talk show u people would be the first on this site saying how bad he is it is just cause he is one of u that u find his god awfull reviews funny its not funny its just bad.

  • March 21, 2004, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Man WTF is up with Roger Ebert?

    by JethroBodine

    I was watchin last night, and he has lost 10000 lbs and is only talking out of the side of his mouth and he sounds like a munchkin. He's NOT well.

  • March 21, 2004, 12:56 p.m. CST

    Ving Rhames

    by WoodyStiffer

    My only question about the film is this: In a mall full of stuff, why doesn't Ving Rhames change his clothes for what seems like a week? That cop uniform would have been walking around by itself by the end of the film.

  • March 21, 2004, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Wrong again, Play D'Oh.

    by FluffyUnbound

    The world is fairly grim, after all, isn't it? I just happen to believe that the world was better when people hated each other more. Every step that has been taken in the direction of "tolerance", which might have been expected - WAS expected - to improve our condition has actually had the opposite effect. I would gladly see every American I know who isn't a close personal friend put into camps if it would bring back one first-generation Jesuit, because at least he knew what he was about, and it wasn't asking me for pity. I would gladly watch some horrible catastrophe exterminate the lot of you [hey, zombies would be nice] if I thought that when the population started to rise again NO ONE - NO ONE - would walk around whining about how society doesn't accept them, and how wounded they all are by it, and how they felt better when Oprah did a special after-the-show about their problem. Back when EVERYONE was their own twisted tribal bigot, all on their own team of butchers, at least Man wasn't a creature one had to be ashamed of. You might be afraid of one or more of him, once in a while, but at least you wouldn't cringe with embarrassment at the needy, desperate, disgusting Dear Abby shit that came out of every mouth. It might not have been fun to have Mongols or Huns visit your house, but the fate of their victims was at least kinder than the one we face today, where feminized harping nag-bitches that once would have been human beings chase one another 24/7 FOREVER, demanding that we listen to their complaints about how their daddy doesn't accept what they are, or how they feel like they are always outnumbered, or how they feel like an object when someone looks at them funny, or how they feel that Mel Gibson filmed their great-times-100-generations-grandfather with too big a nose, or whatever today's bitch-fest is about. So when I laugh at Neil for coming up with an amusing way to call something "gay", and you show up demanding that we extirpate that sort of humor from the language because it's "hateful", you're working the wrong side of the street, because I'm so sick of hearing it that I actually now see that adjective as a positive.

  • March 21, 2004, 8:33 p.m. CST

    Passion of the Christ sequel

    by Raul Monkey

    Revelations: The Return of the King of Kings

  • March 21, 2004, 9:30 p.m. CST

    Ah, Great One.

    by FluffyUnbound

    You are quite right about the ability of the military to maintain its integrity in the face of a DOTD type incident, if only because many of the bases are not located in urban areas and the units in those bases would have lots of time to deploy once the news of the disaster was generally known. Only the bases taken by surprise by the zombies hordes that first morning would be toast - for example, there's a base in Arlington VA on Route 50 that would probably get smoked, it's surrounded by dense housing - but elsewhere it would be a different story, if the local population was thin enough on the ground to keep the initial zombie numbers low. And once an armored unit deploys, the zombies got nothin'. I didn't even consider the navy, but you're right - if a carrier group at sea decided to sail into Norfolk on DOTD plus six days, it would kick the ass of the zombie inhabitants of the entire east coast if it wanted to. But let's play to the apocalyptic conceit of the films and allow that over time the military situation would become less tenable, since it would be very difficult for the logistical chain to remain intact, and resupply and maintenance would get continually more difficult. The US military is fed, clothed and armed by a nation of 280 million spread over an entire continent [or the best parts of a continent, anyway] and while the military would stand up pretty well tactically, the nation that supports it would be shot all to hell in pretty short order. I think the bases would be "islands" of their own and that land movement between them would be very difficult, since any convoy that started out would get about 1000 yards and then would have to stop to clear the road, again and again and again, even assuming the use of air power. Without civilian broadcasting or electrical power the remnants of the living civilian population would be hard pressed to even know where the safe areas were. [Unless they had their nice clockwork radio, as seen in 28 Days Later and FluffyUnbound's hurricane-prone former residence.] You could be fortified one "tough drive" from a safe area and not know it. So I still think the relationship between the military and the last civilians is the place to go for a sequel, because we would be at a point where loyalty to the unit or "Corps" would probably mean being willing to turn what's left of the civilian population into serfs [to make sure everyone gets fed] or into scavengers [to try to keep the ad hoc ammo factories and jet fuel refineries running]. And about the nuclear power plants: I was thinking a scenario more along the lines of the day shift not coming in [I sure as hell would not report to work that morning] and the night shift sitting tight until their security was overrun by 100-1 zombie wave attack odds. I don't know enough about plant safety procedures to know if it's OK for one to just "run", empty [or full of zombies randomly whacking shit to see if there are any live, edible humans around] for weeks or months at a time. Hey, maybe it's perfectly safe, but if I was holed up in a military base 18 miles from one of those plants I might want to take a stab at a quick inspection, whether the engineers told me there was nothing to worry about or not. Damn they could make a good sequel. Or an HBO 9 part series.

  • March 22, 2004, 5:37 a.m. CST

    Think I'll wait and see The Passion of The Christ 2:

    by Scunner

    :This time it's Easter (brother?)

  • March 22, 2004, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Go background stories guys...

    by JAGUART

    I think what happened is some guy in Africa fucked a zombie monkey and then had rough sex with his girlfriend and it just kinda got crazy from there.

  • March 22, 2004, 8 p.m. CST

    Jesus was the SECOND zombie you dickdrip!

    by DeadRapedDeer

    Does the name Lazarus mean anything?

  • March 22, 2004, 9:37 p.m. CST

    What a great fucking idea.

    by dharmageek

    The double feature, I mean. The two biggest splatter movies of the year back-to-back. I am SO there.

  • March 23, 2004, 3:20 a.m. CST

    Great One... I disagree on some points...

    by ZeroCorpse

    Answers to Great One's complaints: 1.) How did the Zombie Apocalypse start? Well, the plague may be by bite alone in Milwaukee, but that doesn't mean it's the same everywhere else. Like any virus, there could be differetn strains of it in different areas; some are airborne, some are transmitted by fluid transfer. It's not unheard of in nature at all. And all the politicians are in bunkers or dead. 2.) Andy was nearly unconscious from starvation. He'd been on the roof for a while without food, remember? You could see the dude's RIBS, man. He was starving and couldn't think straight. He DID have a gun at the doggy door, but he failed to aim well when he was taken by surprise because he was weak from starvation. 3.) As for the zombies not being in the way when they go back to the sewer, they have all gone back to hording around the mall through the same instinct that brought them there in the first place. 4.) What kind of science do you practice? A cigarette lighter- if lit- WILL ignite a pool of gasoline! He clearly lit it, and then threw it. I dare you to pour some gas on the ground, and then toss a lit zippo into it if you're so certain. 5.) Why are there zombies in the garage but not the mall? Simple. The garage is where cars go, and the openings to let cars in (or keep them out) are bigger than a door for people. Zombies found their way through these. The doors into the mall itself are sealed and locked. Zombies can't open doors, and have to bust in. They couldn't manage the mall's super-thick metal doors. 6.) Glass doors and windows in the mall: Did you not catch the part where they were checking it out, and one of the characters says "shatterproof glass"? Zombies aren't super-strong. In fact, they're kind of weak. Why don't you find some shatterproof glass and try to bash into it with your bare hands and no intelligence to find weak points? Won't work. Besides, if you've ever been in a mall after closing, you'll notice that the shops all have METAL BARS that go over the glass when the place is closed. 7.) Janitor wasn't re-animated, but was being chomped on by a zombie. Again, you have no imagination. The Janitor saw a zombie, tried to fight it off, and got killed by some means other than a zombie bite. If he was dead BEFORE the zombie ate him, he wasn't infected and wouldn't get up again. Perhaps he slipped on his wet floor when he saw the zombie? Perhaps one the the security guards accidentally shot him? Who knows!? 8.) I don't know about the legless zombie. Perhaps he was thrown by another zombie? --- All in all I agree with you about "reinterpretations" of movies, but you have to look at this DOTD in a similar way you'd look at the difference between "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" and the movie "Blade Runner." - The movie is nothing like the book, but it's inspired by it, and has become a great movie in it's own right. Dawn of the Dead 2004 is a good movie, but it's not the original. It's something new, and I think it's wonderful in many ways. You seem too tethered to the old one. Let go. Enjoy it on it's own.

  • March 23, 2004, 9:48 a.m. CST

    they had the balls to call this Dawn of the Dead???

    by zombiejesus666

    this was a fucking TERRIBLE remake to Romero's masterpiece. with the exception of the opening sequence (chaos newsclips and shit on fire) this movie sucked fat donkey cock. i've seen bad remakes before, but jesus h tapdancing christ on a cross this was just godawful...

  • March 23, 2004, 10:21 a.m. CST

    Yep, Fluffy (and Cupston too for that matter): Drinking Sterno w

    by Pontsing Barset

    <NT>

  • March 23, 2004, 11:04 a.m. CST

    DUDE, THAT ZOMBIE CONNECTION IS FUCKING MINE!

    by onefettinthehand

    For those that remember me (Fettastic), I've been a regular poster at the great site boxofficemojo.com for a year or so, right after I left this shithole. I know some of you peruse as well. But this shit pisses me off! Don't steal my fucking threads man! I wrote this thread last fucking week, only it wasn't the dipshit-Crumpston version, it was the fucking FUNNY version! That whole thing about "eating my flesh, drinking my blood" FUCKING MINE! It pisses me off! "Jesus was the original zombie" IS MY FUCKING LINE! Could it be a coincidence? Possibly, but it's a pretty big coincidence when he's saying verbatim the same shit I did! Anyway, if you're tired of the bullshit around here, come check out BOM. It's threaded and is a lot more fun.

  • March 23, 2004, 11:27 a.m. CST

    Pentium 286?!

    by Pontsing Barset

    What the HELL are you blathering about? Don't use 'technical' terms if you're a clueless tool

  • March 23, 2004, 12:08 p.m. CST

    Hint: There's no such thing!

    by Pontsing Barset

  • March 23, 2004, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Gay

    by Pontsing Barset

    Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French gai 1 a : happily excited : MERRY b : keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits 2 a : BRIGHT, LIVELY <gay sunny meadows> b : brilliant in color 3 : given to social pleasures; also : LICENTIOUS 4 a : HOMOSEXUAL b : of, relating to, or used by homosexuals <the gay rights movement> <a gay bar> synonym see LIVELY

  • March 23, 2004, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Fluffy Unbound and Great One...

    by morGoth

    ...unless the zombies could take over a naval vessel and lay siege to Deigo Garcia, that island would remain clean. It's in the middle of the Indian Ocean and houses a vast supply of ordinance, foodstuffs and about everything lease the military would need. Interesting Fluffy, you must be talking about Ft. A.P. Hill on good ol' Virginny. Now, I can't think of many military bases that DON'T have a very large dependent population either living on base or close by. The REAL question is, would the zombies, if they were already military types, use their weaponry against the non-zombies in the armed forces? Nah, the first time one of 'em cooked off a howitzer round, they'd probably fall apart. Hey, any of you wroters listening out there? Ack! Imagine a Zombie Gen.Westmoreland telling the zombie TV audience that he sees the light at the end of the tunnel in the Zombie Nations campaign to take over Diego Garcia!

  • March 23, 2004, 5:10 p.m. CST

    Pontsing...

    by morGoth

    ...I'm sure you've also heard the term "gay" used as a pejorative, yes? At any rate, we all know Peter Jackson makes the best zombie movies, yes?

  • March 23, 2004, 5:38 p.m. CST

    Sure morG...

    by Pontsing Barset

    ...but it's just slang employed by twerps with small vocabularies and even smaller dicks.

  • March 23, 2004, 8:12 p.m. CST

    Indeed...

    by morGoth

    ...that's my point, innit? Now, what about those zombies movies by PJ?

  • March 24, 2004, 8:58 a.m. CST

    Context Ebonic - Context...

    by Pontsing Barset

    The 'Gay definition post' was in direct response to Fluffy's little rant that the word should mean whatever he says it does/wants it to...

  • March 24, 2004, 10:02 a.m. CST

    Best review i ever read

    by Cont Les

    I just had to sign up to say thank you. I pissed myself.

  • April 11, 2004, 1:24 p.m. CST

    GreatOne: re military

    by Fflewddur Fflam

    You wrote: "Our men and women have it drilled into their heads from Day One of basic training about service to our nation; Duty, Honor, Country; etc. You

  • April 11, 2004, 1:42 p.m. CST

    Neill Cumpston's misogyny

    by Fflewddur Fflam

    Neill Cumpston's misogyny, real or pretend, is revolting. As is the lack of criticism of it in this Talkback. Is everyone here really OK with such obvious hatred of women? *** "Blatant abuse [...] and hate speech are all fodder for deletion. In other words, being a jerkwad loser will get you banned." Does such criteria exist for this site's reviewers? Not that I would want to see anyone banned. The best response to hate speech is counter-argument, not censorship. *** Last year a relative expressed concern over my letting my cousin, age 14, play "Grand Theft Auto." He objected to the violence. I said that what I find interesting about such arguments is that they rarely object to sexism. My cousin has a sister and mother, and will soon have girlfriends, and will probably someday have a wife. He will most likely never run through town, carjacking and shooting cops. So shouldn't anyone worried that videogames cause violent behavior also be upset over such games' pervasive presentations of women as nothing more than erotic objects? *** I thought the best thing to do was let my cousin play the game, and point out my concerns. You know, try talking about it. *** Of course there are a lot of people out there who want to see women portrayed in a more realistic fashion--and are abused because of that, sometimes by people who complain that the portrayal of the military in a zombie movie isn't realistic. *** Yeah, I know, I wasted my time writing this.

  • June 20, 2005, 3:17 a.m. CST

    J.C. tha O.Z.

    by proto

    i just said that today at work... two guys were having a serious talk about the resurrection of jesus. i had just seen an add for lotd in the breakroom, and i said if you think about it, jesus was the original zombie. i&#39;m fairly certain it offended both of my coworkers. which was not my intent... it just occured to me. and i said it with out thinking it through. i&#39;m not sure if it&#39;s comforting that it is in no way an orginal thought, but i don&#39;t really care. so i found this site because i was curious if there was at shirt with that printed on it. turns out, yes of coourse, there are several.

  • Jan. 25, 2007, 10:32 a.m. CST

    great freaking review

    by emu47

    More now than ever...