Cool News
KING KONG Tidbits from Casting!
Hey folks, Harry here - a special tailender from up in New York provided me with a treat of info so I figured I'd pass it along. Turns out that KING KONG is entering the serious casting phase of things and currently they're looking to cast 4 parts. Now, there's no telling how big these parts will end up, or if these are characters that will be throughout the film at the same level as Ann Darrow, Jack Driscoll and Carl Denham... but, it gives us a tidbit of insight into what Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh and the Queen of the Geeks is up to.
The first new character will be called WALT - he'll be in his mid-twenties to early thirties. He's a writer that has been making his living writing travelogues for newsreels which used to run before or between movies back in the early days. He's a vivid writer that describes the mysterious distant locales far beyond most Thirties Americans' experiences, though he's never set foot out of depression era New York City. He thought he had signed on to write a serious documentary about the Simalungun tribes of Sumatra, but instead finds himself doing a B-picture of intrigue and pulpy romance. He's a studious fellow that is quite aware of his own limitations, but finds himself "Funny, kind-hearted and actually, quite brave."
The next new character is FRANK - he's between thirty and forty and is a "wily" Production Manager - a guy that makes it up as he goes along. He buys into Denham's idea to dupe the Studio and shoot a feature film in place of another documentary, which they were hired for. He's a bigger than life fireball personality. He dreams of being a part of something gigantic and exciting which will earn him fame and esteem.
The audition scene between WALT and FRANK is one created for the audition, and not actual script pages, but it is a scene in which Frank convinces Walt to join the plan to make a narrative feature instead of a documentary. After Frank tells Walt they need a title for their narrative film like "The Ravaging Islands" Walt protests with: "No, no no! They gave us money to make a news reel.. Movie-tone gave us that money to make-" Frank then interupts with, "PULP! That's what they want to see, Walt - cleavage and a little rough stuff." Walt still protesting, "Someone's going to pay us, Frank... They're actually giving us money! This is our chance -" Frank answers with a low voice, "Chance? You make your own chances in this world, Walt." Frank continues pouring on the charm, "Com'n 'we've got the boat, we've got the girl - the cameras - we've got everything we need." As Walt is softening, Frank continues to himself, "All we gotta do is find the pygmies."
Then we have HERB, who falls somewhere between thirty and fifty. He's a trusting big-hearted fella, who happens to be Denham and The Captain's long term cameraman. It also seems he has one false leg. In the audition papers he has a very funny/serious encounter with a giant Axoltol. But you must remember that this information is just coming off audition sides which are almost always made especially for audition purposes with nearly all information aside from that directly related to playing the character in question, being false, but indicative of the type of emotional range that Peter is looking to see come out of the audition tapes. That being said - the sides for HERB/CAPTAIN are very action orientated with humor mixed in. But more on that after I talk about the captain.
Lastly there is the Captain, who is around 45-65 - there really isn't any information about his background or character at this point, but in this scene - which was meant to play beats that may be similar to what the character is asked to do in the film - he forces a character to go down the throat of a dead Axolotl after the camera which has footage of the Giant Gorilla on it. In case this scene ends up in the film, I don't want to spoil it, but it's pretty damn funny. We basically learn about Herb and the Captain is that the Captain is desperate to get out of this adventure by getting paid and he'll put anyone in danger and make anyone do anything to assure himself of cashing out. Herb is shown to be the man to follow orders and step up for his captain.
What I like about these sides is this... It seems that Peter, Fran and the Queen of the Geeks are pacing their dialogue in a rapid-spitfire manner not unlike the pentameter one would find in a 30's film. It'll be interesting to see how much this stuff will resemble what the actual script and film turns out like. But at this stage it's looking mighty fun and cool.
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monkey bone monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey
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We'll see if Perter Jackson is a film maker or just another Lucas...
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Nobody speaks to the Captain no more...
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Is anyone else getting annoyed by how Harry calls Boyens "Queen of the Geeks" exclusively now?
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If you want a funny adventure movie with a Captain, put King Kong on Gilligan's Island
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Well if they do the rapid spitfire thing, here's to praying that it's done more in the style of The Hudsucker Proxy and less in the style of say... Gilmore Girls. The rapid rate in which the Gilmore Girls deliver their dialogue kinda gets me a little dizzy.
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Feb 28, 2004 7:54:35 AM CST
"We'll see if Perter Jackson is a film maker or just another Luc
by monkey butler
Yeah, cos all those other movies he made don't actually exist right?
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Why is KK getting so much hate? Just because it`s a remake? Or some people desperately want to see PJ fall? Either way, go PJ! KK is his long-time dream project, he won`t screw it up. In fact, based on what he says about dramatic approach and casting a great actress (as opposed to a bimbo) in the leading role, KK is shaping up to be a great flick.
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The potential for this monkey epic is huge any insider info is fully appreciated by me the prospective viewer all the other miserable wannabies harry bashing can stay at home and count peas.
I for one did not know such passages existed for casting and found the insite valuble. As the legendary jackson brought life to Gollum by casting a superb actor first, then sculpting a skin around that performance surely lightning can strike twice with Kong needing a physical actor to pull it off. -
Haven't we all felt like that at some point in our lives?
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Good shit. My coffee was coming out my fucking nose when I read that. At least I won't need to use my nose hair clippers for a while. Thanks
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As far as casting goes, only naomi Watts (Anne) signed but rumours about actors considered for other roles are the following:
Jack - PJ says Noah Wyle (ER) is his No.1 choice, he loved Wyle`s work in Africa-based ER episodes. Unconfirmed rumours has it that alternatives to Wyle are: Tom Welling (Smallville) and, duh, Orlando Bloom.
Carl - PJ says he`d love to get either George Clooney or Robert DeNiro.
Kong - Pj says Andy Serkis might borrow his body&facial movement to the moneky.
Other roles - PJ says he`ll write one or 2 roles for LOTR actors, Ian McKellen says he may have a role in KK (one of roles from Harry`s list, perhaps?). -
Would someone put a bullet in this idiot's brainpan...
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Jesus, Harry. You make your living from writing; the least you could do is learn the language. Use your dictionary, would you? (But I'll save you the trouble this time: the word is "oriented.")
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I just don't think audiences are going to flock to see another film about a giant ape climbing a building. The kids nowadays are probably just going to laugh at it. A remake doesn't bother me. A film remade like, 4 times or so bothers me. Besides, I WANT THE HOBBIT ALREADY. He can make a giant monkey film but couldn't make the Hobbit 3 hours long to go in front of LOTR?
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He can't make The Hobbit right now because New Line has the production rights but MGM-UA has the distibution rights. Until one Studio or the other drops its need for greed and agrees to split it 50-50 (the only solution), The Hobbit will never get made. Peter's blameless in this.***BTW, please notice the slight but significant difference in posting handles on these tb's. Some people hijack other's names.
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Waves to elanor from back of banana boat. Cool sounds like the scrip will be in keeping of the style of the original. Hey, let's play "What's Your Favorite Line?" My favorite (well, one of many, actually) line from the original King Kong is "He's cracked up and gone sappy I tells ya!" Heh, they just don't write 'em like that anymore, do they? Hey, wait! Maybe they are!
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Heh, let me put on my Aragorn Action Costume and then I'm going to hunt you down and slay you with my Plastic Sword of Westernesse! Just to throw off the police, I'm going to plant a rolled up Phantom Menace poster up your keister and tape a little Star Trek Federation flag on the end! That'll show you, you, YOU PLAGUE! Huh? WTF? MOM! I told you all my frinds will be over at six so we'll need at least TWO pizza's! NO! I HAVEN'T CLEANED MY ROOM YET!
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Can someone explain this to me? How is this person doing this? Are they just typing a ton? Or are they using some sort of software to do this... Can't any of you uber-geeks hack this guys computer or something and blow it? Just wondering...
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Paul Hogan is a must for Captain. He can pull off the adventure side and the comedy side and would be great for him to work with a great director.
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Thanks for stretching out the Talkback you wanker.
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He can be the right kind of blowhard for this role, and I'd like to see Liev Schrieber as Jack the Kong killer. Actually Liev wouldn't make a bad Carl Denham either, especially if you've seen RKO. Just don't have some bland jerkoff like Paul Walker as Jack.
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Who cares? Boring! King Dong is a crap idea. Remake something interesting, ferchrissakes.
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Check YOUR dictionary, man. The word is "orientated". It's called English: we invented it, you adopted it, and turned it to shit. Just like our sitcoms or Hugh Grant's career. But I guess we gave you Paul WS Anderson too, so now we're even.
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...but why the fuck are you even reading about the new KONG project if you don't care about it. You must be a King Kong size LOOSER who just likes to piss on others fun, or maybe you didn't get what you needed from your mama.
I for one think PJ is going to kick some Skull Island ass with this film. -
martin henderson as jack driscoll! that is all!
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We need more robot cop buddy pics. Oh yeah... Dildo Faggins. Yeah, I said it. Whut?
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Pentameter found in 30s films? Do you even know what pentameter is?
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How about a scene where Kong figures out that everyone is following the funny guy with the black thing on a tripod, and decides to get into the act? Something like he grabs a pterodactyl out of the air, places in on a giant stump and starts to sing, roar and mumble to himself, while he strips and prepares it for lunch? A combination of Julia Child and Jurassic Park.
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That "Elanor;" fellow must truly lead a horrid life if he's got nothing better to do than stretch out the talkbacks. Thanks for banning him AGAIN, Harry. Unfortunately he will more than likely just come back in another "Elanor(fill in the punctuation mark)" disguise. Pathetic indeed.
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When Harry says,
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Heh, here we are with the Sunday Brunch Bunch again {[:^)
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Feb 29, 2004 3:22:49 PM CST
Aye Halcyon, mayhap we could do something like that...
by pontsing barset
... but you see, that wouldn't be strictly 'by the rules', if you take my meaning. No, we have to do this by the within a certain set of protocols, whether our opponent chooses to do so or not; sort of like 'Kanley'. In the end it will be the futility of the venture itself that defeats 'Elanor and it's clones...
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Your people created the English language, our people brush our teeth... it's all about cultural differences.
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Feb 29, 2004 10:03:18 PM CST
Pretty cool for a script that's not written yet....NOT!!!
by stonemonkey
Script has been done for quite some time.
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Peter Jackson is a hack that got thrown a bone with LOTR. This movie will be awful.
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C'mon, Harry! Pull some strings and get Jackson to have a cattle call. I'd much rather see talented unknowns than big stars chewing the scenery.
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...why not, I say?
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I am so deleriously happy I can't
even begin to talk coherently.
Reading the mainstream press is my favorite pastime, as they glow on about ROTK and Peter Jackson at last! At last! Great glory and trumpets! All my wishes have come true!***I swear.
I never expected an historical sweep, a sweep! Film history on three fronts! I never expected the press to report on TheOneRing.net party as the coolest party of all! The party that the vast majority of Oscar winning ROTK creators would attend and be unwilling to leave!This is truly the year of the Tolkien Geek! When I'm not so wobbly I will reprint the Variety article right here, for your enjoyment. Hooray! And if you need an historical context, just compare the speeches of James Cameron when he accepted his Oscar for Best Director of Titanic the last time a movie SWEPT the Oscars, "I'm the king of the world!" to PETER JACKSON's
humble, thankful speech in accepting his Oscar for Best Director. Oh yes, the whole world is watching! -
Hi there Pip. Sorry to have been so scarce recently, I've been really busy with work, and in my (very small amount of) free time, I've been busy......*drumroll please!*........reading Wolves of the Calla! :D I'm about two thirds of the way through now, and loving it completely. Yeesh, is Mia scary or what? Damn, until now I thought I was getting the references and connections quite well, having read The Stand and Through the Eyes of the Dragon, but I think I really am going to have to read Salem's Lot. Let's keep the spoilers down to a minimum though, Rune's been reading DT recently and has only reached the Wastelands. :) ----------- Indeed elanor, PJ and co. were very gracious and humble, and it made for a great show. Did anybody really expect a clean sweep? ---------- Elaine, I missed Sir Ian's taking over of the Beeb, but it's a crying shame you missed out on Jonathan Ross's (along with Rob Brydon, a comic genius, and impressionists Alastair McGowan and Ronny Ancona) hilarious commentary on the event. When ROTK was 8 for 8, he said something like: "Well, it's nominated for 11 and if it takes all of those, that'll put it up there with that great film, Ben Hur, and also with Titanic, which was quite frankly rubbish." At which point, Alastair McGowan (who couldn't sit through FOTR, and then complained about not knowing what was going on in ROTK, which got exasperated annoyance from his fellow impressionist, Ronny Ancona) who was the big anti-LOTR voice of the evening, said he quite liked Titanic. Cue amusing argument ("How could you like Titanic more than LOTR? It was rubbish!" "Well, it's big, it's exciting, it's lavish -" "So's LOTR, but it's also great big Witch Kings flying on snake thingies! Anyway, time to go back to the Oscars..."). You also missed the wonderful on running jokes with Rob ("I am NOT gay!") Brydon.
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The f*ckwit with an obsessive hate of Tailenders who messes up the Talkbacks doesn't need any special software or anything. If you enter a long enough series of uninterrupted letters into a post, longer than the width of the page, the box stretches to try and fit the whole line in without breaking it. Eventually, the page can't stretch anymore and the text is forced to break onto the next line, but by then the TB is almost unusable. It only used to happen if an over-excited Talkbacker might answer some bad news with "AAAAAAAAA AARRRRRRRGGGHHH!" or "NOOOOOOOOO...etc.", or a stupidly long url they wanted people to visit, but now a guy who used to call himself Orson has decided it's clever to stretch out the TB's and f*ck up the site for everyone as a way of getting at some people he dislikes, of which I'm one. Let it be a warning: never disagree with someone who you suspect is a drama queen with a monumental ego, as he seemed to me, and as he's proved me correct.
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Thirty noms and seventeen statuettes. Let's see, NINE plus SEVEN plus ONE equals seventeen, so that's one statuette for each member of the Fellowship, the Dwarf-lords and the most important Kiwi, BG. Not bad for an unfilmable book. ***If you haven't already read the Oscar tb, please try and find mortsleam's very funny story about his prize for winning an Oscar pool. ***PROGRESS REPORT - OK elanor, since you've asked, demolition on the master bathroom began at 7:30AM Monday. Removed were the toilet, tub, sink, faucets, vanity cabinet, an entire interior wall (sheetrock, studs and all) shower tile, floor tile, carpeting, lighting fixtures, sheetrock walls & ceiling and insulation. Basically I'm down to the concrete block walls and floor. Yesterday they removed more debris, set the chalk lines where the new half-wall will be, and then we all took a trip to borg's favorite place, Home Depot, where I bought: sheetrock, durock (that's the cementitious board for the new shower enclosure), corner beading, joint tape & compound, PVC pipe & fittings, furring strips (attaches to the concrete block walls), lumber, a shower drain and a vent fan/light. Then the old PVC pipe that drains the upstairs bathroom was cut out (it ran down the inside of that interior wall that had been removed) and moved it ten inches by using the new pipe and fittings. Today they plan to install the vent fan/light, duct it to the outside, put new sheetrock on the ceiling and build the half-wall. I'm definitely in the middle of a 'This Old House' experience.
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Mar 03, 2004 9:42:54 AM CST
Re-Posted from Oscar TB: Walrus's moderately amusing Oscar Story
by mortsleam
So, I entered an Oscar contest at work on Friday, using Entertainment Weekly's Oscar Preview Issue as a guide, and actually won with a perfect score - 12 out of 12! They didn't go through every single category or I wouldn't have done nearly as well, as I simply didn't believe that ROTK would sweep. Whoo-hoo! Go PJ and the entire island nation of New Zealand! Anyhoo, one of the prizes was a Return of the King DVD. I decided to hold out for the Extended Edition and take Lost In Translation instead. I was somewhat annoyed to discover that whoever bought the DVD's didn't think to buy the Wide Screen version, so I'm stuck with a full screen atrocity, but still I'm glad I went with Lost In Translation, because as I'm sure you're all aware the theatrical cut of Peter Jackson's Academy Award Winning (like the sound of that!) ROTK isn't actually out on DVD yet. So, the version some unlucky runner-up will receive is...get ready for it...RANKIN-BASS! Feel free to gnaw any appendages you see fit.
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Mar 03, 2004 10:23:43 AM CST
Ok, how log before '*-etcElanor shows up, to erm, speak the name
by skyway moaters
Never would have predicted 11 out of 11, wow. And it doesn't matter how the Oscars are chosen, or why the politics of the "awards 'community'" work the way they do. When has there ever been a "triple threat": Boxoffice, overwhelming critical acclaim, and an awards season RAMPAGE; like these films?
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Mar 03, 2004 11:03:24 AM CST
"Eleven for the Kiwis on their island home, In the land Down Und
by pallando blue
STILL hyperventilating over Sunday's victory! elanor, I know what you mean--I have yet to tire of reading the press, even the ones who shout "Bo-Ring!" regarding the telecast. Well, it wasn't FOR them! :) *** Anyway, found y'all. (Aw, didn't really mean to cause such a ruckus last week, but glad to see us back in the daylight.) So who wants to gather the rest o' the troops? *** I saw the mess that's the Oscar Hose-Back, and I gotta make a request--let's not get too insufferable, eh? :) ALL present company excepted, I don't recognize most of the names there but there are quite a few pro-LOTR pricks doing some franchist trolling over there. No need to slam other movies in our wake (and to repeat--I'm one of them that LIKES the SW prequels! Not "love", but it's a solid foundation of "like".) And frankly I don't give a whit what the naysayers have to say now! As I may have said before, someone like Grimloch brings to mind the parable of the Flea crawling up the Elephant's leg--with RAPE in mind ("Mwa ha ha!"). Methinks PJ's "The Lord of the Rings" will survive the assault. ;) *** Now 'en, I'm pretty hectic here at the (evil! cruel! tricksy!) workplace dammit. But real quick-like: OSCAR HIGHLIGHTS (just a couple off the top of my pointy head) (1) Fran Walsh shouting down the orchestra! Elbowing herself some airtime to recognize the parents of the terminally ill boy who inspired the "Into the West" lyrics. Way to go Fran! (2) During his Best Director acceptance, Peter Jackson making special mention of his parents, who bought him a Super-8 when he was a boy but passed away during LOTR principal photography and never saw these films made. Throat, meet lump. Blink, sniff, blink. (3) During his Best Picture acceptance, PJ references Bad Taste and Meet the Feebles! They're on Oscar Record now! How freaking COOL is THAT! I had to watch them both, the very next night. :) ...And let me exhort you all once again to get yourselves the Limited Edition 2-disc Bad Taste DVD, if for no other reason than the "Good Taste Made Bad Taste" Kiwi TV special on Disc 2. [Although there is a LOT to be said for seeing "Bad Taste" in sharp, crisp widescreen (hee hee hee) and (ha ha!) fully remastered THX Sound (ho ho ho HAW HAW HAW HAW! Freakin' BAD TASTE in THX..! Geeeeenius)] The special's almost an hour long, made between Bad Taste's Cannes success and Meet the Feebles; PJ is bald-faced, short-haired and trim (and wearing a Mickey Mouse giving the finger T-shirt); and it has clips of every film he'd ever began, from 8 years old or so on. His first special effects (gunfire!), and stop motion animation (a damn impressive cyclops)! And several segments with his parents, saying how Peter'd take over the kitchen baking his latex prosthetics (and Peter explaining how the dimensions of the oven dictated the shape of the aliens' heads!). Aw, his parents saying how they told him not to get his hopes too high for Cannes, and their delight in his success. His mum saying how she told him, "'It's awful gory...' But Peter explained, 'Yeh, Mum, but there's a laugh for every drop of blood.' And he's right!" Them talking about him as a child, hogging the family camera... Oh, man. [LUMP: "Hi, you're Throat, right? We met last Sunday"] sorry everybody, gonna have to cut this one off... >sniffle<
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Even after all these long years. Isn't that remarkable? ***mortsleam: I just got back from the dentist. X-rays are negative re broken or dislocated jaw, but it sure hurts like hell to chew. Thanks for your best wishes. ***Note to others: had a rather bizarre sleepwalking accident early Saturday morning around 2AM. Woke up bleeding from my chin, with one chipped tooth and filling missing from another which I found on the night table beside my bed. Haven't got a clue how it happened. Sent an e-mail to mortsleam telling him about it because I figured he was the tailender who could best relate to the situation after his series of mishaps last year. His reply included the Rankin-Bass story which cracked me up. This proved to be quite painful because of my jaw. The only good thing was I didn't mind all the blood stains I found on the carpet in the dressing area of my bathroom cause I knew it was going to be ripped up in two days. Am I in an episode of The Home Improvement Twilight Zone or something?
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Despite Billy Crystal's comments and the fact I listened very carefully, not one of the ROTK Oscar recipients thanked me!!! Grumble, grumble ... bunch of ungrateful bastiges ... grumble, grumble. After all the hard work I did, sitting around, watching the movies. Anyhoo, congrats all round. I was especially happy that PJ got best director. I had felt that the movie industry hadn't really recognised just what an amazing feat PJ has achieved. He took the most popular novel of the twentieth century, which many thought unfilmable, and created one of the most popular movie trilogies of all time. Loved by both hard core fans and the unread masses, and with almost universal critical acclaim! Amazing! Who would have thought it possible?
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I'll enjoy being the ONE. I'd hate to turn this TB into a love-fest but there is another compliment I'd like to pay PJ. The fan community has never been treated so well by a director. Right from the start PJ knew that there'd be two versions every movie: a theatrical version and a fan version. He knew Tolkien fans would want more than the theatrical versions could show. As good as they are, imagine only having the theatrical version of the movies. When does PJ sleep? No wonder he looked as if he'd turned up to the Oscars after a 24 hour bender. I'm surprised the security guards didn't mistake him for a homeless person and shoo him off the red carpet before he could contaminate any of the beautiful people. At 4 O'clock in the morning, after the Oscars, he was still doing interviews with the American press and two hours after that he had a meeting with studio heads to discuss the progress on Kong!
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Mar 03, 2004 10:16:39 PM CST
Hi BG -- I said the very same thing a day and a half ago.
by miami mofo
If you should pass by "Harry's State of Conscious" i.e. his Oscar TB (#17094), then scroll approx 2/3 down to 2004-03-02 04:29:44 (what the hell was I doing up at 4:30AM?), there you will see a post titled: I can't understand why 'noone' thanked BG!!!!!!!!! The body reads: All those Kiwi's recognized for their outstanding achievements except for the most important one! Therefore I will. THANKS, BG! The tailenders couldn't have done it without you. And to top it off, somewhere in the middle of this TB I noted that the seventeen Oscar statuettes won by the ONE movie shown in three parts are to be divided thusly: one for each member of the Fellowship (nine); one for each of the Dwarf-lords (seven) (cause that's where my LotR:RotK viewing count currently stands); and ONE for the most important Kiwi, BG. Well done!
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I had trouble getting on today, glad to see folk have been showing up after all. Ah me - what joy! Clients of mine have been calling to "congratulate me" on "my movie" winning! So sweet of them. My sis and I had dinner last night and toasted PJ and Co. There is a photo in Tuesday's Variety that I love, of PJ at the Governors Ball at a table FILLED with Oscar statuettes. It's great. Once I finish this post I am going to type out the Variety article so I can share what I found so much fun to read.***Miami, all that info about sheet rock and not a word about SHELVES! 8~)***Bean! I mean Merry! Did you see the news about Dom? I TOLD you guys at the Moot that he should be on TV!***In other news, I am toying with the idea of getting up early
to go over to ABC in Times Square
tomorrow to get a glimpse through the studio's big window of Viggo on GMA. Not sure if I will make it or not.***Funny story, mort, and may I say hooray for you to have listend to morGoth.***And I agree that it is impossible to tire of reading Pallando's posts. You go, boyo!***My favorite Oscar moment (in addition to those already mentioned) was Alan Lee's gentle joke "that's all folks".***And yes, for the record, from the beginning, all I wanted was a good, respectful film. And here we are 17 Oscars (and countless other awards) later, making film, Oscar and box office history. It seems heartless to post the "hall of shame" stuff now. -
So while I was typing my last post to BG, he was posting to me. ***Oh yes, I figured out what I was doing up at 4:30AM - my friggin' jaw was KILLING me!
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Headline reads: A TOLKIEN OF THEIR AFFECTION above a photo of smiling PJ holding up his Oscars, along with Sean Penn, Charlize Theron and a listing of the top six awards. On the left of the photo is this article.
A LONG ROAD TO ACAD -
Mar 04, 2004 7:44:51 AM CST
"The LotR is the only film trilogy besides The Godfather in whic
by miami mofo
I'm still trying to figure out how Godfather III got nominated. ***Thanks for the re-print without permission, elanor! [Only one typo in all that - I am impressed.] I sure can relate to the "without permission" business, for 'noone' gave me permission to burn those Hanukkah mathoms. Oh oh, here comes Chris Tolkien and his army of copyright lawyers. Who spilled the beans, I wonder? Was it you, oh Raw one? ;~) ***Sing it with me now: "It ain't a (deleted) TRILOGY!!!!!!!!!"
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What a nasty accusation to make! Anyway, since I haven't told you my favourite chapter yet I don't have a LOTR cd from you, so how would I prove it? :P Miami is so polite. What has poor Raw_Bean ever done to him? ------ Morning folks, how's everyone doing today?
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And thanks for your support. Y'all knew there was no way I could tear myself away. I'd miss you all too much. And Scarecrow, I think I'd miss you most of all. (?) *** Just saw the Post-Oscar ROTK commercial this morning. "Winner of ELEVEN Academy Awards including BEST PICTURE!" Along with a note to go see highlights from all three films on LOTR.net. Which begs the question: Will NewLine wise up and release all three Extended Editions in November? (Or August pleasepleaseplease August?) That'll go a long way to ensuring a lasting hold on the number one box office winner of all time. Though the Oscar wins have no doubt helped. A whole bunch of...let's call them "unenlighteneds" at my work who hadn't seen ROTK have suddenly decided they must see it immediately. I sorta feel sorry for Starsky & Hutch facing such bracing Box Office competition this weekend! *** Now, about them Golden Tusks. Didja like the way I craftily got around the no nominations rule and honored other deserving films while still showing my appreciation for ROTK? Tricksy, we is. And if you didn't read it yet, get over to the Oscar TB and do so before I re-post El Enchilada Grande uno tiempo mas.
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Mar 04, 2004 10:34:42 AM CST
Hey Mort, she credited it, this IS an informal forum...
by skyway moaters
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Having seen it in London, I have no reservations about recommending all you Americans go see it, even if it means skiving work/school and selling treasured possesions to raise money for travel & tickets, it's worth the sacrifice. My trip to go see it ended up costing me a s@*tload of money and a huge amount of hassle (I hate travelling to London and back even more than I hate being there), but my only regret is that I didn't go see it again while it was still in the UK. Seeing Sauron's armour was literally an awesome experience, and even managed to trump seeing Darth Vader's costume up close years ago in the Art of Star Wars exhibition, even though I was a teenage Star Wars fanatic at the time. The Boston Science Museum is the only planned American (as in the whole continent) venue before moving off to other continents, just as The London Science Museum was the only European venue. When I get home from work, I'll find the picture I got from the exhibition of me and a friend composited together at different scales like Frodo and Gandalf, on a replica of Gandalf's cart from FOTR, and email it to anyone who's interested.
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What a sweetheart she is! Quite the looker too so you young unmarried bucks ougtta be mailing the lass with your honey-tongued words! C
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Mar 04, 2004 1:43:54 PM CST
Ummm, Flickhead2, you should check the dictionary before you go
by vanyar
...it is an alternate usage for orient. Hope that was helpful.
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Mar 04, 2004 1:56:06 PM CST
Well, I suppose it's no use asking you to meet me in London then
by elaine
I was thinking of spending one or two days in London next week. I wasn't banking on your coming all the way down for a quick meal and a ridiculously overpriced West-End shared-viewing experience, but after your disparaging remarks on the city and the journey there, I don't think I'll even extend the token polite invitation. Harumph. You Northerners are soooooo superior! **** I'm sorry I missed the Beeb's live Oscar broadcast. Usually I enjoy Jonathan Ross' Oscar coverage a lot, particularly when he gets politically incorrect. There was a great moment a few years ago just before "A Beautiful Mind" was awarded the Oscar for Best Film. After Denzel Washington, Halle Berry and Sidney Poitier (all black) had accepted their Oscars, Ross asked his two American guests which film they felt should win the big prize. After they'd both given nice, polite, politically correct answers, he gave his own opinion, which ran along the lines of, "Well, by rights the Oscar should go to Ron Howard, because he's bald and myopic." The American guests didn't quite know how to react to that, but I laughed my arse off. It was VERY funny. Sort of like Terry Wogan's Eurovision commentary, only without the R. :-) **** By the way, I know you're busy reading King at the moment, but I meant to ask you, have you read "New Spring" (the "Wheel of Time" prequel that was released last month) yet? By most accounts it's pretty good, but I'm rather hesitant after the last few "Wheel of Time" offerings. That said, the story of Lan and Moiraine does appeal to me, so I guess I'll read it eventually, but whether it's worth buying the hardback... I'm not sure.
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So, now that all the LOTR naysayers have been severely trounced (can anyone say 11 of 11!?) What shall we turn our Tolkienian sights on now? We know the Hobbit movie is a non-starter for now. Hmmmmm, how about a Silmarillion mini-series series? Y'know, a series of mini-series. Or we can just talk JRRT books till the uruks come home.
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As I said on the last talkback, I think we should get started on the Elanor voting. Let
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You didn't even say anything about my attempt at a dirty joke in 16803. You missed one last though... *** Vanyar, somewhere up there in one of those old TB's, I discussed the viability of a cinematic treatment of the Silmarillion, broken into five or six 3-three hour movies. It would entail much painful excising of material, and of course a mini-series series would be best, but it is possible. You'd have to do some digging to find the post though. Perhaps Elaine can do wit while she's busy being a theiving last-theif. She's a burglar!
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Mar 04, 2004 3:26:38 PM CST
Uncurling her long, elegant toes, the Sabster finally joins the
by sabster
Dank u wel, Elaine, and hi to everybody else!
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If not, I'll grant you that one small victory. Which you have to admit is fairly magnanimous after having been called a thief and a burglar. :-) **** Dirty joke? Oh, ha! I guess my mind isn't dirty enough, as I, er, missed it the first time around [blushes]. Thanks for drawing my attention to it, though. If you have to go around stealing other people's Lasts (who were you calling a thief again?), you might as well be scandalous about it, eh? :-) **** Yes, VANYAR, old Mort did come up with some pretty good ideas for a "Silmarillion" adaptation. If you missed them the first time around, you'll find them over at 16752. Look for a post written on January 14, at 16.40 hours. Don't thank me. Thank Mort. **** Jesus. Am I sad or what?
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Full marks for finding confirmation for something you and I knew all along. Pah! Is it me or do we FRHCT (Formerly Red-Haired Continental Translators) sometimes seem to speak that language better than these so-called native speakers...? :-) **** Graag gedaan, by the way. Oh, how I'd love to hear you pronounce THAT. :-) **** Speaking of language and native speakers, could any of you Americans please explain where this "schm" thing (as in "Hobbits, Schmobbits!") comes from? I know what it means, and I've come across it in a few Kevin Smith films, but is that where it originated? When did people start using it, and how on earth did it get to be so popular? Thanks in advance for whatever explanation you come up with...
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Under the Misty Mithril moutains/Durin
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I was wondering where you'd gotten to Sabster. Now if morGoth does his job right and gathers all the other lost little tailenders, we'll have ourselves a right proper discussion about...uhm...I dunno, I'm all out. Only Ingold-Brand uninteresting suckiness from me. *** Elaine, thanks for the directions, it's always better than having to re-post a long post. Although I did notice that that's also where I frist mentioned the Howard Shore Concert and the possibility of a moot, several weeks before Djinnj. Do I get any credit? Or any takers, for that matter? Noooooo. *** Adding "schm" at the beginning of a repeated phrase in a derisive manner is a Yiddish tradition that evolved through Vaudeville and made its way into the vernacular through early 50's sitcoms. Other examples include the albums "Nilsson Schmilsson" released by Harry Nilsson in 1971. Now who's sad?
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Has anyone heard from the builder in the last months?
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So now we're not just out-Lasting each other, but out-Sadding each other too, eh? My, my. That'll be an interesting competition. **** Anyway, thanks for the "schm" explanation. Now that you mention it, it does sound vaguely familiar, but it was good to see it all spelled out. Very impressive, and not a bit sad. Leave the Sadness to me! :-)
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"Long ago, far way, life was clear, close your eyes..."
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...that danged typing disease what Moaters has seems to be ketching!
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Told him where we're hanging out as well as asking him a few construction questions about the rebuilding of Minas Tirith. Since the city was in such excellent shape in time for Aragorn's coronation, I wondered how many masons he had working for him, how long the project took, did he use any non-union laborers (such as Dwarves), and were there any kickbacks involved? I can't wait for the Wall Builder's answers. ***Hello Vanyar. ***mort, Christmas sounds like an ideal time to show all three EE's on the big screen to me. ***Moaters, please reference the tune we're supposed to sing this to. ***morGy: this project is way to big for me. On this one, I'm strictly the designer and bill-payer (gonna really rack up the air miles on this one). Oh yeah, I agree about Spielberg.
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To morG and Elaine, on Jonathan Ross's Oscar commentary. He is indeed very funny, and his non-PC nature cropped up when someone said they thought Fran Walsh was gorgeous, and he said something like: "I prefer the fat one. I do quite like the larger ladies though." I was halfway between laughing and furious at his rudeness, but in the end I settled on being glad to find someone else who fancied Phillippa Boyens. Although, I've not been obsessing over her quite as much just recently......------------- Sorry Elaine, much as I'd love to come and meet you (even in London. And it's not necessarily an anti Southern thing, just an anti-city thing), I lack both the time AND the money. :( I'll get back to Holland one day though, maybe we can sort something out. :) ----Terry Wogan is the only thing that makes the Eurovision song contest worth watching, and I'm not just saying that because the UK hasn't done well in ages! I keep saying that we should give up trying to pander to the contest with the inane pop rubbish it favours and which we apparently don't do too well (or don't have enough other European countries as bosom friends to vote for ;), and just go mad and get the Darkness to enter it. Either we'd win hands down, or at the least shake up the event in a way that's be remembered for years. Do you know of them, or are you just baffled? ---- To everyone, keep your eyes peeled for the Darkness, if you've not already experienced their amazing brand of retro glam metal (someon said they're like Bon Jovi of the Eighties, playing Queen songs with a touch of AC/DC, but I'd also add that they're reminiscent of the Cure, and Led Zeppelin, at times). I swear, they are *the coolest* thing in music right now. ------ As for 'New Spring' Elaine, I'm VERY reluctant to buy it. Not because I don't think it'll be any good you understand, on the contrary I'm sure it's great. But I already have it, as a short story in an anthology of fantasy shorts from the big modern Fantasy authors. I flipped through the hgardback in the shop, and I'm really not sure about spending over ten quid on what seems to be just the exact same thing I already have, but padded out a little bit. ------ That reminds me cutest, in the same anthology as the first version of Jordan's New Spring, there's a Dark Tower short, the Little Sister's of Eluria. Have you read it? It's very good. ---------------- Vanyar, as for miniseries, some of the Sil could maybe be done justice (although lots of it could never be done. And I don't mean in a "they said LOTR could never be done!" kind of way, I mean becuase their very nature is as a written, prose story. The only way might be to have images playing to a spoken narration based very closely on the text, but anyway I digress from what I was wanting to get at), perticularly the later stories, with their battles and adventures. What I was actually wanting to get at, is an idea that formed today from a few things swirling around in my brain. Mini-series, New Line wanting to make sequels to LOTR (the horror!), the rights issues with the Hobbit, the only likely LOTR follow up project, unless someone DOES go for the Sil, or......does New Line having the film adaptation rights for LOTR include the Appendices?...... Middle Earth, the miniseries. Including a two parter on the war of the Goblins and Dwarves, an episode on the Bardings and Dwarves during the War of the Ring (a good follow up to the Hobbit, when that's been made), some episodes following important periods in Gondorian or Arnorian history, like the rise of the Witch King, or the defeat of the Black Numenoreans of Umbar. It's just a pipe dream, but it still makes me giddy with excitement at the possibilities. Any thoughts people? ----------- Don't know about anyone else Elaine, but I'm still more interested in focusing on PJ's films' good points, not what I'd change. It seems churlish, somehow. Don't let me stop you though, just don't expect me to join in. :) ------------ hur hur Moaters, Gollum couldn't 'out' the Fellowship? Don't tell me you're another one of the idiots banging on about gay Hobbits and Elves? :D ----------- Why are you so worried about where Ingold is Rune? I'M here, what more do yo want? ;) xxx ------- 'Night all. :)
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'hardback', and 'Little Sisters of Elluria', as well as an apology for any others. I plead intense weariness. Goodnight! :)
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As I said, I wasn't really expecting you to come down for a few hours. And I'll probably be quite busy anyway, so it doesn't matter. **** We might just meet in Yorkshire at some point during the summer. That is, if you're not mysteriously off to, say, America around that time. :-) **** Do I know the Darkness? Hell, yes. I've been humming "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" for months now. It's one of my favourite tunes of 2003, and the video is hands down my favourite video of the year. I nearly fell off my settee laughing the first time I saw it. The headband, the posturing... priceless. As for sending the Darkness to the Eurovision, I think that's an absolutely FABULOUS idea. I'm sure they'd go down a storm. I mean, if Tatu could nearly win with a crap song last year, then surely the Darkness would win by a comfortable margin, wouldn't they? Long hair, glammer than glam costumes, kitscher than kitsch 1980s sound... yes, I'm sure the tele-voters would eat it up. Even those pesky block-voting Eastern Europeans. Grrr. **** I hope Wogan will be up to his usual standard this spring, for to tell you the truth, I was a bit disappointed with his commentary last year. Apparently, he got a rap on the knuckles a couple of years ago for ripping apart the contest's Danish hosts (you remember them - the stiffs who only spoke in rhyming couplets, whom Wogan rightfully called Dr Death and the Tooth Fairy, to the indignation and outrage of all the Danish viewers who caught the thing on the BBC), so he had to tone it down a bit last year. Here's hoping he'll be his regular irreverent self this year, and that the contest itself will feature some drag queens and a hopelessly outdated Portuguese act as well as the usual forgettable pop tunes. God knows the Eurovision is lost without them. **** I heard about the fantasy anthology containing the short version of "New Spring", but decided to hold out for the longer version at the time. As it is, I'll probably buy it at some point, but not until they release a paperback version. There's no way I'm going to pay twelve quid for a Jordan novella. In the meantime, I'll just have to find a well-stocked library to satisfy my curiosity... which might not be all that easy... **** Have you ever visited any of the "Wheel of Time" discussion sites on the Internet? I've spent a bit of time on a few lately, and they're a hoot. The predictions people make... everything from giggle-inducing crackpot theories which might just contain a kernel of truth to very impressive, thorough analyses of even the most obscure Aes Sedai political manoeuvres. It's really got me into the thing again, so I'm re-reading the whole series at the moment. All 9000 or so pages of it. Sigh. **** I can see this might not be the best time for a "Lord of the Rings: The Arthouse Version" discussion, what with everyone still basking in the glory of those eleven Oscars, but how about the Elanors? Seriously, people, I think we need to get SOME voting done. Can we at least vote on whether to vote or not? :-) **** All right, that's enough for one day. Off to bed now. Night, all.
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It opens many possibilities indeed! Is not a part of the Silmarillion not in the Appendices? Such a perceptive one as well and you are enamored of Phillipa Boyens, yes? I know your type. Perhaps you should join me and the Balrogette at the Club some night. I think we can give you a much hotter time than your latest bouk. What did you ever get from a bouk? Come, have you ever made a Sheila blush with your cool appraising stare? No, because you are to busy with your bouk! Yes, come play with us sometime we can teach you to make all the pretties put on some color.
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I always preferred Phillippa too! She
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>peering over hastily constructed cardboard and duct tape barrier< Saucy wench! What would you know about blushing? And the Balrogette?! Heavens! Bean
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for years, P.J., Fran, Philippa and New Line have explained the inclusion of, and the enchancement of, the Arwen/Aragorn romance in their film version of The Lord of The Rings by stating that, It's all in the back of the book. But somehow I don't see Chris Tolkien allowing a Silmarillion mini-series, even though it could be argued that it's part of the Appendicies, without a MAJOR fight. And that could get really ugly.
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Mar 05, 2004 5:10:06 AM CST
Elaine, if I'm still around and not jetting off to the US for so
by raw_bean
It's great to see so many Darkness fans, it never ceases to amaze me how an act like that has become so huge in the current Pop/American idol music landscape. Then again, maybe it was the right time for an act to shake popular music up a bit. I think they're great. ------- It would be good to see ol' Terry at his sardonic best, wouldn't it Elaine? ---- How come you knew there was going to be a longer version of New Spring?!? *I* didn't! Anyway, the anthology ('Legends', with it's sequel just out that I mean to get at some point) is pretty good and well worth buying. It's got stories from the Riftwar (not a bad little tale as Feist goes, probably the best stuff he's put out in years), the Dark Tower (v.good), the Discworld (a good story, but not amongst Pratchett's best work, I'd say), Thomas Covenant, Alvin Maker, Pern, Earthsea, and probably a couple of others I can't remember. I thought New Spring was great, and was tautly written, with relatively little Robert Jordan Bloat(TM), so I have serious reservations about a longer version. Will it be like a Special Extended Edition? Or just padded out too much, to keep the money pouring in while he ponders whether or not to resolve any of his millions of loose threads and on-running storylines in his next book. I'm joking, of course, I love 'em really, but they do sometimes get a bit much. ------------ I'll vote yes for some Elanor voting (although I'll aim to host a proper vote on ClubAngband after ROTK EE comes out :), if for no other reason than to stop you nagging us about it all the time! :P -- Only kidding. :) ---------- Hey there Pip. :) Your daughter is offically *cooool*, and you can tell her so from me ("great dad, some weirdo you met on the internet says I'm cool"). I've not heard of Kingdom Hospital, I'll be sure to check it out if it makes it across the pond. ------ Don't worry Pip, I'd personally have to go and blow up New Line if they worked on a sequel to LOTR (and they said way back when they'd only do it if PJ made it, and hopefully by now we've learned to 'trust PJ', at least for the most important stuff?). I mean, Tolkien tried writing a sequel set during the Fourth Age, and found it a horrifying downer. With no Elves (to speak of) or Orcs, it had to be pettty squabbles between Men who so quickly had forgotten the splendour of past Ages. But I would really kill to see some of the stuff between the Hobbit and LOTR, or between the Sil and Hobbit, made. Just remember how great the prologue stuff from FOTR was. As for Aragorn (Estel as he was at the time) he could have been at Rivendell when Bilbo first went, I imagine, but would have been far too young to be played by Viggo. ----- Tinuviel70, whilst I'm flattered at the offer, I'm going to have to turn you down. I don't think it's vain of me to say I think I can already raise a little colour to a certain girl's cheeks, and she's all the woman I need. ---------- Yay, more support for the gorgeous Phillippa! So Rune, you like Sean Bean's (very *Yorkshire*) accent? Funnily enough, *I* talk quite a lot like that. And with Yorkshirebuck having eloped with Wynn, I'm the only one around here who does. :) -- "Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel
My heart's in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel da-nah, da-nah nah nanananah>" -- Permission to Land is a fantastic album, but you really *must* see Pulp Fiction, or I can't promise not to throw a legume at you! :) -
but it's exactly because I don't see a Silmarillion miniseries happening that I think a miniseries of stuff *after* the Silmarillion would be great. What about all the stuff that's just from LOTR (the book), that never made it into the film? The story of Aragorn and Gandalf hunting for Gollum, the war between Goblins and Dwarves that preceded the events in the Hobbit, the attacks on Lothlorien during the War of the Ring, and of the fighting in Dale and by the lonely mountain, the masses of Gondorian and Arnorian history in the Appendices could give many storylines (I like the idea of the Rise of Angmar, and it's Witch King. It could end with Glorfindel's prophecising that no Man could kill him, and would be a great prequel. Just a shame they didn't have Glorfindel in FOTR, would have been a nice connection), all without even touching on the Silmarillion or the events of the Elder Days.
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And what on Earth are you doing up so early, Miami?!
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Mar 05, 2004 6:01:16 AM CST
You want to know how I knew about the longer version of "New Spr
by elaine
Simple. It was announced on Amazon ages ago. From what I gather from the Amazon reviews, the new version isn't so much a padded or bloated version of the old one (thank heaven for that!) as exactly the same story (Moiraine and Lan) preceded by some White Tower stuff that shows what Moiraine and Siuan were like as Accepted, and what a regular Aes Sedai training course (as opposed to the highly irregular one Nynaeve and Egwene took) would be like. One reviewer said the young Moiraine rather reminded him of Nynaeve. I can't quite make up my mind as to whether that's a good thing (surely we're not going to see Moiraine yanking her braid, worrying about plunging necklines and throwing childish tantrums, are we?), but it would explain why Lan is ensnared by both Moiraine and Nynaeve. :-) **** The "Legends" anthology got pretty good reviews on Amazon, and since you seem to like it, too, I'll see if I can find it when I hit the bookstores next week. Oh, the bliss of being in London with some money to burn...
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Well, what a coincidence. So do I. Shall we make a deal? I take Sean Bean, you keep Raw Bean. How's that work for you? :-)
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The cat was doing quite fine *IN* that bag, Elaine, but never mind, it was going to slip out eventually. :)
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Mar 05, 2004 6:53:13 AM CST
Well, what can I say, Bean? The very thought of a cat in a bag m
by elaine
Kittens need to be out in the open, Bean. Out where they can breathe and grow and stumble about on their clumsy little legs and be cuddled for their sweet, furry, pointy ears. And anyway, I made a promise not to be so uncharacteristically subtle anymore ("I made a promise, Mr Beano. A promise. Don't you leave them in the dark, Lainwise Gamgee, and I don't mean to. I don't mean to!"), and really, the self-restraint was beginning to kill me. Honestly, you can't begin to imagine how hard the past few hours have been on me - the agony I've suffered over all this. I was beginning to get itchy rashes, and headaches, and stiff shoulders, and... and... Well, you name it, and I suffered it. In fact, I could barely type that last post because my hands were trembling so hard! So you see it had to be done, in the name of animal rightists all over the world and in order to release some of that terrible tension. Thankfully, I feel MUCH better now. And let's face it, it's not as if you yourself have been very subtle of late, is it...?
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The Verve, "The Drugs Don't Work". Britpop at its very best, and just as catchy as "I Believe in a Thing Called Love", albeit very different. (Sorry. Just had to share that with someone.)
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It's true I've been itching to tell people, but I didn't realise how hard it'd be for *you* to keep it quiet. Well, I'm sure Rune realised you wouldn't be able to keep it under your hat for long when she told you. -------- Excellent song choice, Elaine. But what made you think of it now? That song's many years old! What about their 'Bittersweet Symphony' though? Even better, I think. ------- What do you think of my LOTR Appendices mini-series ideas, Elaine? ----- I've just remembered something else. Everyone knows that when trying to incorporate more Aragorn/Arwen stuff into the films they went to the Appendices, but does anyone remember PJ Fran and Phillippa talking on their TTT EE commentary about how they'd actually filmed some 'young Aragorn' (Viggo made to look younger) and Arwen stuff in Rivendell/Lothlorien straight out of the tale of Aragorn and Arwen from the Appendices? Between that and the prologue stuff there's definitely precedent for filming Appendix material. I'd love to see Elendil & sons (same actors as prologue, obviously!) arriving in Middle Earth after the fall of Numenor, "Et E
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Mar 05, 2004 8:51:30 AM CST
I probably should have told Rune I'm crap at keeping secrets, Be
by elaine
But then again, I might never have found out for sure, and then you'd have been forced to keep strewing increasingly unsubtle hints for ever, until someone else had the guts to out you. Surely you wouldn't have wanted that? Come on, let us share in your happiness! Gloat! Shout it from the rooftops! **** Why did I bring up "The Drugs Don't Work" now? Why, because of all this cat-in-a-bag talk, obviously. "Like a cat in a bag / Waiting to drown / This time I'm coming down..." **** I love "Bittersweet Symphony" (my second-favourite Verve song), but I prefer "The Drugs Don't Work". For some reason it just breaks my heart. Snif. **** As for your "Lord of the Rings" prequel, I'm sorry to rain on your parade, but as much as I love the idea itself (especially the Witch-King stuff), I don't think it would really work, as it's more a collection of interesting ingredients than a fully realised narrative with a beginning, a middle and a climactic ending. And while you could argue that the, er, trilogy (I humbly beg your forgiveness, Moaters!) has plenty of story for four films, not to mention a big bang at the end, I think even a prequel needs a climax. It needs to work towards something, and quite frankly, I can't see it doing that. But if you can find a way to make a real, fully coherent, exciting, heart-breaking story out of the admittedly promising ingredients, I'm all up for it. Yes. Quite.
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A mini-series might actually work. It would still have to work towards some kind of climax, but as a series, it would probably work better than as a film. Sorry. I should have read better. **** There. That's enough for today. No more posts from me!
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Mar 05, 2004 9:45:35 AM CST
Uh duh MIAMI! What has we ben riffing on the past three TEs?
by skyway moaters
"In the Big Rock Candy Mountains" The song under the opening credits after Po Lazerus? And the meter ain't quite right. I cant quite remember the verse/refrain pattern.
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Mar 05, 2004 9:48:51 AM CST
The mini-series wouldn't be one long running story, but several
by raw_bean
Or you could do something longer with Gondorian or Arnorian history I suppose. The rise of the Witch Kingdom of Angmar, the final defeat of fading Arnor, and the climactic battle when the remnants of the Arnorians, the Gondorians and the Elves finally destroy Angmar forever would make a great mini-series of its own, with a great 'ROTK set-up' ending, with the Witch King fleeing and Glorfindel's prophecy regarding his defeat, and the last Arnorians becoming Rangers in the wild North, protecting the Hobbits and other folk who begin to forget there ever was a kingdom of Arnor. That could be a good three-parter, at least. An episode on how Annatar convinced the Gwaith-i-Merdain to make the Rings of Power before they discovered that he was Sauron would be a good prequel, and if handled well could have a nice surprise ending for those who don't know that Sauron was once able to make himself seem fair. Could be followed up with an episode or two on Sauron's war on the Elves, and then the forming of the Last Alliance as an expansion of the prologue from FOTR. And there must be plenty of possible stories from Gondorian history. A two/three parter on the Kin-strife, with the climactic return of the rightful King of Gondor to overthrow his usurping cousin(? I think. Was he called Castamir?). The first meeting of Eorl and whichever Steward it was who the Eorlingas saved the bacon of, although the whole horn-blowing-Rohirrim-arrive-at-the-last-minute-to-save-the-day climax might be getting a bit overused by then. The fall of Minas Ithil, the departure of the last King of Gondor before Aragorn, Earnur. The possibilities for individual episodes or short series are almost endless, and there must be several full-length mini-series stories in there as well. You could probably find a period of Gondorian history that would make an excellent six part, or even longer story, I must check through the Appendices some time tonight to find more inspiration. I can't be the only one who reads about all the events Tolkien mentions but never fully detailed, in the Appendices and main texts of his works, and pines to see those stories told in full, and woven into the giant tapestry of Middle Earth history. Hell, HE even said that's what he wanted! I can't remember the quote, something about 'other hands taking up the task' of telling in full things he only had the time or inclination to hint about. He was probably the first person to think of the idea of an 'expanded universe' as has since become popular with many sci-fi and fantasy films/TV programs. I'm not saying I want to see loads of stupid new stories set in Middle Earth by any hack novelist of TV producer, but I'd love to see some more of *Tolkien's* stories brought to life with the same panache and love as PJ's films. I always found when watching the films that my favourite bits were the flash-backs and -forwards, or expansions of bits Tolkien never fully narrated (i.e. the prologue, Boromir falling to the Uruks, Gandalf's fight with the Balrog --- although I screamed when I found out they didn't make the Balrog-as-thing-of-slime and 'Endless Stair' scenes because of budget constraints! I was disappointed when they weren't in the theatrical, and again for the EE, but to find that they wanted to do it, and to see the concept artwork for it, was heartbreaking! For me, at least ----, the Arwens Fate flash-forward, The Son's of the Steward flashback, the flooding of Isenguard, and the finding of the Rig by Deagol). I always loved being surprised with moments from outside the main text, it made the whole thing seem more expansive, more real, and I'd love a whole series of such episodes. Eeek, I'll stop now. :)
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Mar 05, 2004 9:52:02 AM CST
Oh, and as for shouting from the rooftops, I'm a bit reserved an
by raw_bean
Rune's my special lady, in case there's anyone who hasn't already worked it out, and I'm deliriously happy about that. :D
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Mar 05, 2004 9:55:34 AM CST
Oh, and the Arwen's Fate apostrophe snook over into Sons of the
by raw_bean
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Mar 05, 2004 11:16:01 AM CST
(Swoops in via Walrus-grappling hook) Did someone quote Paul
by mortsleam
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Mar 05, 2004 12:20:20 PM CST
Yikes mortsleam, you were going to try and cram almost the entir
by raw_bean
Points for ambition, anyway. Your twelve part miniseries sounds a much better idea, and you've come up with a much better list of stories to cover than I managed. Wouldn't it be cool to see Thorongil (Aragorn in Rohan and Gondor) in actin? (Had to restore geek cred after forgetting Cirion's name!) :) ------- As for Pulp Fiction, I'm with yuo mortsleam. But I'm *with* Rune, if you follow me, so I'm not going to condone too much shouting and swearing at her. She told me the great difficulty she has, finding time to buy and watch films living out in the country. Having said that, I *did* suggest she could order it online. ---- You really should watch it sweetheart, it's a uniquely brilliant film. :) ----- Elaine, look to mortsleam's example for a lesson in keeping things under your hat. :)
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Mar 05, 2004 12:29:36 PM CST
Oh, forgot to mention how sickly green I am with envy, mortsleam
by raw_bean
Last time I looked into seeing the Darkness live, I'd have to go at least as far as Germany to find somewhere with tickets still available!
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K-I-S-S-I-N-G... and here comes Gollum with a baby carriage!!? Erm, heh, um, never mind. Don't know where that came from an I don't want to know... stunned into silence by drama indeed!
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Now THAT might work. As long as you don't try to cram it all into one film subject to the rules of film, it should be brilliant. Plenty of drama and climaxes to fill ten or fifteen episodes. Start writing already, Mort. **** Electric Six is cool, but to call "Danger, High Voltage" their CURRENT single is a bit of a stretch, I think. It must have been a year since I first saw the video. I agree it's a hoot, though. Very funny. Up there with "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" and the Tenacious D videos. **** I don't mean to depress you (although Elaine's Theme for the Day seems to be raining on other people's parade!), but the Darkness gig a friend of mine attended in Amsterdam two months ago was rather disappointing. "Good fun, but technically underwhelming and amateurish" was how he summed it up. I hope your gig is better, Mort. **** Oh, and a minor retraction for Bean: my second-favourite Verve song is in fact "Velvet Morning" rather than "Bitter Sweet Symphony". "Bitter Sweet Symphony" is definitely my third-favourite song, though. Just thought I'd clear that up. :-) **** Have a nice weekend everyone!
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Can he make the sheilas blush? I
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Having flashbacks to Middle School... Fie on you, Barset! And mortsleam, let
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Hey, it looks like it
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I'm just waiting for the DVD announcement on Monday. ---- I've got my tix for Seattle. I've got my tix for Pittsburgh. Do I qualify as a groupie yet?
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I finally made it here after the numerous emails... Well what's news eh precious? Besides Rune and Raw_Bean of course... Cheers.
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Mar 07, 2004 5:31:54 AM CST
Once again my talent for hosing a tb has revealed itself.
by conan_the_humble
Damn, I'm posting once every blue moon lately and I hose the freakin tb every time, sigh... Cheers.
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Elaine: F-RHCT?!?! I
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Hey there djinnj, how's it going? Check TORn; it looks like the DVD announcement tomorrow is going to be a release date of May the 25th (yay!), and some screenshots of the menu, which have been leaked to TORn already.
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I went back to ROTK (for the 10th time) just to celebrate its 11 Oscars. It was another major cry-fest for me and I forgot my tissues. Luckily I was wearing an old sweatshirt! Lordy, lordy what a movie. Stunning, wonderful, breathtaking. It is amazing how drawn in to the story I get, despite the rattling of plastic bags around me and a dozen folk leaving and coming back from bathroom breaks. Things I especially appreciated this time: the tiny skull-shaped flowers in the rocky soil of Minas Morgul and how perfectly that sequence was realized. The sickly-looking fog of Imlad Morgul beneath the bridge and the creepy green-glow on the walls like some putrid death-mould. And how, in the last shot during the Crowning, the view of Mordor is bereft of its wicked belching volcano, although the mountains still seem dark and dead.***I started wishing for poster-versions of about a dozen of my favorite frames. Like that shot of the prow of Minas Tirith jutting out to Mordor at the end of Gandalf
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Are those award things going to happen? It sounds like fun. I liked the idea of doing a few categories at a time, to keep things organized.
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Incidentally, I've finished Wolves (WHAT an ENDING!), I'll email you about it later. ------- There's the confirmation folks, Theatrical ROTK DVD on May the 25th. Yay! :)
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*sigh*
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Mar 08, 2004 8:29:22 AM CST
As me Gaffer always said, 'The road to Mordor is paved with good
by miami mofo
As morGoth can attest, because I said so in an e-mail to him, it is now my plan to see LotR:RotK eleven times to honor it's eleven Oscar statuettes. This means, unlike elanor, I have to see it four more times! I intended to see it this weekend, but alas, this bathroom remodeling project devours both money and time. ***Hey borg, yesterday was 'Lets place the final order for the tile' day. Today the work continues -- tile and vanity cabinets to be delivered, and they're already here building the glass block wall.
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Bean: Yeah, I am talking about my initial outline here. I fairly quickly realized I
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I'll take my place next to Runelord and admit that I've never seen Pulp Fiction. In fact, I haven't seen a Tarrantino film yet. Just not my cuppa. However, I also haven't watched Forrest Gump. I am also, quite possibly, the only person in the world who hasn't seen E.T. Again, not my cuppa (although for different reasons). Sorry mortsleam. *** Miami - hope you're feeling better. That being said, your story had me laughing for days due to the fact that I've had similar such experiences. Sometimes while under the influence and sometimes not.
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That's right, IT'S TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!! Eleven more weeks - that's one for each little golden statuette - until the DVD release of the theatrical version of the winner of eleven Academy Awards, The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King!!!!!!!!! ***mortsleam: your wish is my command, i.e., check your e-mail. ***Glad I made you laugh, JD, you tailend lurkerer, you. The strained jaw muscle, which makes it difficult to chew, also makes it impossible for my dentist to get his paws in there to put in a permanent filling for the one that fell out. And it's that tooth that hurts more than anything. Ha ha ha. ***Progress report: The glass block insert in the wall is finished and looks great. Picked up the tile yesterday and the vanity cabinets get delivered today.
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IT'S TUESDAY!!! posting, that is. I missed those li'l weekly countdowns. Now, if only Harry would, ya know, say sumthin' about the upcoming DVD release. We needs a new TB! INcidentally Miami, I've found Crown Royal Whiskey is of tremendous help for any aches and pains resulting from bizarre accidents that can't be attended to immediately. I buy it by the case now...
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Didja notice that Bernard Hill was posting during the reviewing of the Rohirrim at Dunharrow? Meanwhile, everyone else was sitting into the jog. Has anyone else picked this particular nit? That he was riding English style and the rest weren't, I mean.... Not that it's really noticeable anywhere but that scene, of course.
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I just remembered something I meant to ask you. I showed my sister (who knits) my moebius scarf, and she knowingly told me, that cool as it was, you must have just made a straight simple scarf, twisted it, and stitched the ends together. I didn't think so, so she proceeded to run the scarf through her hands to find the join. By the time she'd gone round the whole scarf about three times, she had a totally bemused expression. I told her I'd ask you just how you made the scarf, to relieve her bafflement. :) ------------ Sorry Sabster. Hehe, the "My potty is broken" line continues to spread a mixture of woe and mirth across the land. :)
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Spooky. -------- I'm afraid I know as much about horse riding as I do about knitting - almost none. For a quick Orsonalisation, how about because he's royalty? Maybe he receieved special horse training, different from everyone else. What about Eowyn and Eomer? How do they ride? Do they support my suggestion, or destroy it? Alternatively, how does Gandalf ride? Maybe it's a riding style the Mearas insist on. :)
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I noticed Hill posting as well. Posting, while riding a horse at a trot is taught in "Hunt Seat" or English style riding, but advanced riders don't usually do it. Once you've learned to sit a horse properly most dressage or riding instructors discourage posting, because it's 'unfashionable'.
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I noticed Hill posting as well. Posting, while riding a horse at a trot is taught in "Hunt Seat" or English style riding, but advanced riders don't usually do it. Once you've learned to sit a horse properly most dressage or riding instructors discourage posting, because it's 'unfashionable'.
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but obviously not in the royal court of the mark!
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but the gulls are calling me back. Muchas smooches and a big Hullo! to all. I sincerely appreciate the emails forwarded to me updating the tailender sites. Please continue! Unfortunately, I am not even in lurker mode, but just pop in to print out the TB. I have 3 now to catch up on. Hopefully I'll be back before the "Elanors" musnt miss those, no my precious. **** Miami - yes, I set new wall-building records for the clean-up of Minus Tirith, but I'm afraid it backfired on me. Some are now saying the siege never happened, and claim the new king is a warmonger who attacked a defenseless eyeball who's only crime was voyeurism. I'm now on mission to find some WMD's (weapons of mount doom) to clear his name).
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SCOW and TATOW have gotten together a petition to make Wall Builder's participation in each and EVERY TETB mandatory...
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Ingold, you knucklehead! No wonder noone believes that you rebuilt Minas Tirith if you can't even spell it correctly. That being said, I still second Skyway's motion that your attendance at each and every TETB be mandatory. Weapons of Mount Doom, indeed.
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If your sister looks at the stitches, she'll realize that they run perpendicular to what she had originally assumed. Although, if I had grafted it, I defy her to find it! I graft rather well, if'n I do say so myself (and I do). This will just confuse everyone, even the knitters, but I cast on the 'circumference' of the scarf, and knit 'outwards.' I've only ever made one scarf with the "knit the length then graft" method, and that was so I could have cables running the circumference. If she really wants to know how I do it, direct her to my extremely detailed instructions here (or print out a copy for her!): ---- Moaters. Aha! I knew someone would know more than I about the horse stuff. I can't even post properly, can't get the lead change right.
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It can be a little tricky at first but after you've ridden regularly for a while you do it without even thinking about it; you just sort of feel the rhythm. I don't know why, but posting is sort of considered to be for "babies" or beginners - something kids do. I never understood this "tradition" personally, because it sure as hell smoothes out the jolts of a trot, and it's easier on the horse's back, but supposedly it's better NOT to post. I've ridden several horses over the years whose trots were so 'rigid' that it felt like my teeth were going to rattle loose not posting.
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Mar 10, 2004 9:15:14 PM CST
It just occurred to me: Where the heck has 'irritable' been?
by skyway moaters
Anybody got an e-mail addy?
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Hi Moaters. I've been been too busy to post, but still following the Tailenders.
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Mar 11, 2004 7:57:48 AM CST
What is WRONG with you people? I can't believe 'noone' answered
by miami mofo
And it was just simple arithmetic. It's not like I was asking one of those head scratching ALGEBRA questions we all loved back in Junior High (or Middle School for you young'uns). You must remember this one: If Gwaihir, carrying Gandalf, departs Rivendell at 8:20AM and flies south towards Mordor at his usual cruising speed of 120 knots, and the Witch King, flying on the Fell Beast, departs Mordor one half hour later, flies north at his usual cruising speed of 80 knots, aided by a 10mph tail wind, at what time do the Hobbits eat lunch? Now I could understand if y'all have difficulty answering that one, but I thought for sure someone would answer the simple arithmetic question. I'd flunk you all, but just to prove I'm an OK guy, I'll give you one more chance. And the question is - does Mordor minus morgul equal Gondor minus tirith? I shall post the correct answer tomorrow.
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It seems to me that no one will do anything about the Elanors if I don't (... ), so I hereby volunteer to be your EVC (Elanor Voting Co-ordinator). I promise I'll count the votes more, er, carefully than Miami counted the favourite chapter votes. No offence, Miami. :-) **** For this week, I suggest three categories, all hobbit-themed. The first is easy: BEST HOBBIT IN A LEADING ROLE. Your choices are: Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin and Bilbo. **** The second category I propose is BEST HOBBIT IN A SUPPORTING ROLE. We have more than five nominees here, but I suggest we keep all ten of them to spare ourselves the trouble of preliminary voting. The nominees are: Rosie Cotton, Farmer Maggot, Mrs Proudfoot, Mr Proudfoot, Otho, Lobelia, Old Noakes, Sam's Gaffer and those perennial favourites, Billy and Katie Jackson. **** The third category I propose is BEST FUNNY HOBBIT MOMENT. Yes, that's funny, not heroic, heart-wrenching or swoon-inducing. (We'll deal with those categories later.) Needless to say, I can't come up with all the nomination-worthy moments myself, so everybody please submit their favourite funny hobbit moments. We'll see which five get the most votes, and then we'll pick from them. **** OK everyone, get voting NOW!
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BEST HOBBIT IN A LEADING ROLE: Pippin. Go on, Frodo swooners, flame away. I defy you. **** BEST HOBBIT IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Mr Proudfoot. Simply charming. **** FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT: I nominate three Pippin moments: "Where are we going?" from the Rivendell scene, the "quest, thing" line from the same scene, and the look on his face when he realises he still has to get off the burning beacon in "The Return of the King". If I've forgotten any particularly hilarious moments (and I'm sure I have), feel free to remind me of them. :-)
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So, you still do the GRHCT (Guild of Red-Haired Continental Translators) proud, do you? Well, I'm proud to say I'm not wholly formerly red-haired, either. Although most people describe me as golden-haired these days, the gold definitely has a reddish glow, albeit a fading one. But well, such is life, isn't it? Everything fades. To gold if not to black. **** You grew up watching Rudi Carrell on TV? Oh, you poor thing. The man's an absolute joke here in Holland. My parents nearly killed me when I insisted on watching his "Wedden dat" (Wetten, dass...) back in the mid-eighties. Of course, I was only twelve then, and everyone knows twelve-year-olds have silly tastes. (Don't they? Hello? You still there...?!?) **** You probably left Germany before Linda de Mol took over German screens with her "Traumhochzeit" programme, didn't you? I've never heard dear Linda (everyone's favourite daughter-in-law, it seems) speak German, but I'll wager she has a thick Dutch accent. **** I don't doubt your Dutch pronunciation skills, but the fact remains that "graag" gives a lot of people trouble because of the tricksy G-R juxtaposition. Even Israelis have a hard time getting it right, and they tend to be better at the pronunciation of Dutch than most people. But hey, I'm quite willing to believe that your "graag" sounds immaculate. If you can master Danish and Russian, Dutch probably won't hold too many secrets for you. :-)
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Just like a Berserker Uruk. Only not so
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That line still gets me everytime - both in the book and in the movie. For that reason, old Odo gets my vote for favorite Hobbit in a supporting role as well as funniest moment. Special mention must be made for, "Roast chicken!?!" in TTT-EE however. Favorite Hobbit is definitely the toughest category from which to choose. I think poor Merry will lose out to the other three and may not even surpass Bilbo, so I was very tempted to vote for him, but in the end I had to go with old purple ear himself, Rudy, Rudy, Rudy; oops, I mean Samwise (The Gardener) Gamgee, the Gaffer's son. Sean wins for the simple fact that he has forever expunged Bakshi's Sam from my memory banks. Thank you, Sean. As for Billie and Katie, could anyone have been more perfect as Hobbit children? I think not. That gets my vote for best B-K role. [And the Gandalf goblet for best B-K (Burger King) giveaway! :~)]
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Make that Billy, not Billie.
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But I AM biased. BEST HOBBIT? Can't fault Dominic Monaghan's portrayal of me, so Merry gets my vote. BEST COMEDIC HOBBIT MOMENT: Ah, I can't keep up the self-congratulation, I'll give a shout out to my mate cutest for the truly hilarious line: "Don't talk to it Merry. Don't encourage it!" (Which incidentally I do a very good impression of.) BEST SUPPORTING HOBBIT: a second vote for Ted Sandyman. ---- My 'morGoth' (which is to a Razzie what an elanor is to an oscar ;) nomination for WORST SUPPORTING HOBBIT: Namesless old Hobbit in the Green Dragon talking with Ted Sandyman who delivers a spectacularly bad "Wars brewin'!" --------- Miami don't try and overcome my incredible mathematical prowess with your 'algebra'. The answer is quite obviously, 'as soon after breakfast as they can get away with!'.
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Leading hobbit: Well, you know that already, Elaine ;~). Supporting hobbit: Ted Sandyman. Funniest hobbit moment: hm, that
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It's not often that one can get a "lol" out of the Walrus, but that article made me laugh out loud indeed. "Aragorn's program of socio-economic appeasement of the agrarian class" and "Dr. S. Aruman" are my favorites.
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The BEST HOBBIT has to be Merry. Dom gets a big thumbs up! BEST SUPPORTING HOBBIT: for outstanding delivery I
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"You always have to look!" Here I go, haven't even caught up reading yet and had to go and read new posts. And, of course, must post again. *********** looks like maybe Pip's funniest moment should have it's own award. I like 'We've had one breakfast, yes. But what about second breakfast?' ****** I cannot pick a favorite hobbit. But I can pick a fave hobbit togetherness moment, which would be sharing the 'look' at the Green Dragon after returning. I also cast my non-fellowhip hobbit moment with little Katie when Bilbo says the 'squash them into jelly!' bit. OK. now I'm done, and don't think I'll return. (at least for a few days). In fact, I mean not to. This is it. Goodbye. **** oh, wait a second. It's me again. What's this about Bean and Rune? It won't affect my secret-members-of-the-coup thingy, will it?> ok. once more....
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I'm confused. What's happening? Who am I? Why does that orc have a human head for a hat?
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we're voting for Hobbit and supporting Hobbit, but nominating Hobbit comedy moment I think, because there's so many. Really, our illustrious Master(Mistress?) of Ceremonies should have made it clearer, but I say we give her a second chance before we have her beaten for her incompetence. :)
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Poor Frodo, doomed to be
overlooked. Well, not by me! I vote for FRODO for Best Hobbit. (Dad will understand) And add me to the groundswell of support for Mr. Proudfoot for Best Supporting Hobbit, although honorable mention must go to mumsie Rose. Funniest Hobbit Moment is the instant classic
"what about second breakfast?" which I wanted to be the first to mention, but Ingold's longer legs got him there first.***BTW Ingold, bravo on your post crowning wrap up. I add my voice to the groundswell of support for your attendance being mandatory.***And Miami, the answer to the hobbit lunch question is, "shortly after 11ses". And finally, Mordor minus Morgul plus Gondor minus Tirith is equal to a square of the Oliphaunts hide. -
Of course not!
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Frodo. Must be Frodo. And I have a trebuchet to back me up on that. *looks menacingly around the room* --- Hm, and I too vote for the "second breakfast" bit. Although I have a fondness for "it comes in pints?" and the "I'm the tall one" interlude, "second breakfast" does it for me. --- I'm inclined to go with wassisname, the old feller who scowls over his fence at them all the time. Oh, dagnabit, why can't I remember his name. No lines, but the best combination of facial expressions going.
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Mar 12, 2004 5:00:50 AM CST
Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your EVC speaking...
by elaine
First of all, let me tell you how utterly delighted - nay, thrilled! - I am to see so many of you voting. If I had known that all I had to do to whip you into action was to raise my voice, use lots of exclamation marks and repeatedly say "NOW!", I'd have done it ages ago. Bullying obviously suits me. :-) **** Now, before I get any more complaints about what some have perceived as my incompetence at being a Mistress of Ceremonies (harumph!), here are the rules. First of all, I plan to make this a weekly thing. Every Thursday I will propose three categories. I will try to keep them as straightforward as possible (i.e., five nominations, direct votes), but inevitably there will be categories in which there are so many contenders that we will have to do some preliminary voting. In those cases, I suggest we all put forward two or three of our favourites, and the five that get the most votes will be our final nominees. Sort of a longlist-and-shortlist situation, really. In cases where such preliminary voting is necessary, I will give you four days to come up with your suggestions, and post the shortlist on Monday. In other words, those of you who take your voting duties seriously (hands up - who thinks voting should be made mandatory?) will have to check in at least twice a week, after each Thursday and after each Monday. Final votes will be counted each Thursday, and the results will be announced together with the new week's categories. And just to make sure there won't be any rampant schizophrenic vote-rigging, it's one vote per person. Votes cast by alter egos will not be taken into account. Is that clear, Pontsing, Tinfang, Snaga, Wynn, Yorkshirebuck and other irregular visitors to these boards? :-) **** Oh, and just for the record, I will keep tabs on the results and keep them for later, so if Club Angband ever comes into being (I'm not nagging, Bean! Honestly, I'm not!), you'll have a full list of nominees and winners at your disposal, replete with my favourite sales pitches. **** Now, if you can all live with the above rules, perhaps somebody should notify our absent friends that Elanor voting is now well and truly under way, and that it will be a weekly tradition. Lord Moatruman, would you be so kind as to send an e-mail to those who have not yet joined us in our SftMFLotRM (Search for the Most Fantastic "Lord of the Rings" Moments)? The Great Eye commands you. Thank you very much. [Elaine takes a deep breath and steps off her soapbox.]
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... but other than the fact that that would mean we're voting in four rather than three categories this week (hey, I wouldn't want to be accused of breaking my own rules right in Week One, would I?), it would mean that the FUNNIEST NON-PIP HOBBIT MOMENT category would essentially boil down to a FUNNIEST MERRY MOMENT category, as most of the remaining laughs come from Merry (Miami's beloved "Roast chicken?" notwithstanding). Of course, we could run the vote this way if enough people are interested, but I suggest we keep it simple. If all five nominations in the FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT category end up being Pippin quotes, so be it. Suits me. :-) **** Now, since we're talking funny Pippin moments, I'll add my love for the "What about second breakfast?" scene, which I think stands a good chance of winning that coveted Elanor. I can't believe no one has supported Pip's "Where are we going?" at Rivendell yet, though. Come on, guys, isn't that the most impeccably timed and delivered line...? **** DJINNJ: I think you mean Mr Proudfoot, and I'll be delighted to add your vote to the pile, as he is also MY choice. (Honestly, I'm not partial. Really, I'm not! :-))
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Mar 12, 2004 9:56:24 AM CST
What if I think voting should be mandatory, but I don't want to
by mortsleam
That's complicated.
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... and even though Holm NAILED Bilbo (especially love "like butter scraped over too much bread") Astin's Sam just nailed me to the wall! So, here's the ol' connexions bloak's votes: Best Hobbit: Samwise Gamgee. Best (primary) Suporting Hobbit: Peregrin Took (you don't have to count this one Elaine, but I had to mention it anyway!)-his scenes with Gandalf in Minas Tirith are the SHIZNIT! Best Supporting Hobbit (Elaine's criteria): The terrified Hobbit (and his strangly small hound dog) that said: "There's no Baggins here! They're all up in Hobbiton!" (which is also the scariest Nazgul scene in the films IMHO). Funniest Hobbit Moment: This one is a toughie... hmmm, guess I'm going to have to go with... "Second Breakfast" (thanks elanor).
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Still lurking irritable? Dammnit man, (erm, woman?)! Let's have your Elanors votes!
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IMDB lists the terrified hobbit as Farmer Maggott, and that seems to be how he's credited in the script, I suppose as a nod to his conversation with the Nazgul in a shortcut to mushrooms. No mention of the tiny hound dog, though...
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It's not often that one can get a "lol" out of the Sabster, but your last two posts made me laugh out loud indeed... Yes, the orc must be a sure winner in the Silliest Hat category!
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Mar 12, 2004 11:17:58 AM CST
Are "write in" votes OK Ceremonial Mistress Elaine, erm, Elauron
by skyway moaters
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before that last one ;~)
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You might blip out of existence in order to resolve the resulting paradox!
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Mar 12, 2004 11:32:00 AM CST
*&#%!$@(!@?!!!! THIS $#*@ING SITE!! Thrice, THRICE this week I'v
by pallando blue
Is it me? Have I been cursed? I see other people posting nice and casually, and yet when I finally LOAD this blasted talkback window, waste a bunch of workplace hours, then press that... fearful, evil, hateful... pretty... shiny, CANDY-like POST button... EVERYTHING DISAPPEARS! Back button? THERE IS NO GOING BACK! All lost! Three times this week! ALL lost! Huge frickin meandering posts covering much of what was going on--oh, FOUR days ago. Now, however, now that everyone's posting often again, they are irrelevant relics of conversations past. Maybe... someday... sigh. Remind me next time we talk about Sil and Hobbit live-action adaptations. (And, nope, just couldn't make myself type in Word or some such and retry pasting-n-posting. My laziness beat out my frustratedness, much to my frustration.) *** Worse! To my friends Rune & Raw (whose couplehood has been greeted with rather blah responses on the parts of their friends, if'n you ask this romantic): so terribly sorry but you don't get sobbing cries of "tramp!" and challenges to a "twirl-off, to the pain"; nor a brief, wistful toast to Young Love (and Delirious First Pecks! ;) that woulda set all the men a-snifflin' an' ladies a-swoonin' (y'all should watch me work a Best Man toast, if I do say so meself :); nor your very own fully scripted "Love, American Style" sketch complete with mugs to the camera, canned laughtrack cues, and of course the catchiest theme song to ever grace bad 70's television. Sorry, kids! :) Blame AICN's shitty service. And servers. *** So, okay, having filled up a post with nothing but woe-is-me filler, I shall feel less outraged by its utter failure to arrive at its destination. Then, next post, T3 Connection willing, will be on topic--my Elanor votes! Okay, here goes... pressing the Post button... c'mon baby, you can do it... just... post... you know how... like riding a bike... please... just post...
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Mar 12, 2004 11:54:01 AM CST
Hey! That was easy! [waves to everyone; computer crashes]
by pallando blue
I just don't trust this fast-acting AICN, it NEVER lasts. Not for me, not this week. So, this will be very, very brief. I've been burned too many times lately.... Anyway, on with the Elanors! Pardon me while I put on airs. :) (They just go with opinions so well!) *** BEST HOBBIT: He may be a technical "hobbit" no longer, but going purely by DNA evidence I submit that my vote is for SMEAGOLLUM! I refuse to split my vote between them. If the Mistress of Ceremonies denies my vote as inapplicable I will submit appeal after appeal to the various governing bodies. But for the sake of expediency, my alternate vote, for one of the "conventional" hobbits (how bourgeois), 2nd-place with a bullet, is for Frodo. But of course, in this category it should be an honor just to be nominated. Theyr're all winners. *** BEST HOBBIT IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Another difficult category. Again I hate to go against the grain here, and I realize his general unpopularity (for some to the point of distaste), but I have to go with the Fellowship SEV Ear-Picker. "But he makes Hobbits look like feebs and bumpkins!" Feh! He makes me smile. *** FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT: Now this to me is very shocking indeed! While I can't argue with most of the other nominees mentioned, I can hardly believe NOONE has offered up the single most quoted exchange in the entire trilogy, at least by my peers and me. "...What's that?" "This, my friend, is a Pint." "It comes in PINTS!? I'm getting one!" [Optional: "You've got a whole half already!"] *** All righty, pressing my luck here, going for two successful posts in a row... Click it, baby! Click that Post button! Just CLICK IT!
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But the answer to the question, does Mordor minus morgul equal Gondor minus tirith, is, of course, NO!!!!!!!!! Why? Because Minas Morgul is not within the boundaries of Mordor, thus subtracting it from Mordor has a much smaller effect than subtracting Minas Tirith from Gondor. And you call youself a Tolkienite. On the plus side, you were spot on with the algebra problem. Sorry bean, you forgot about second breakfast AND elevensies. ***Regarding the elanor's, my vote for Best Dramatic Hobbit Moment goes to ... Merry! I just love the scene when he goes racing up the stairs to watch Pippin and Gandalf riding off to Minas Tirith on Shadowfax during LotR:RotK. ***mortsleam, it is a little known fact, but during the second age, it was quite fashionable for Orcs to wear a human head hat, and this Orc was probably a throwback. Why I bet he even has a pair of old bell bottoms somewhere in his closet.
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Nothing to add right now, actually. Just wanted to say, hey, Moaters, look! I just did a TRILOGY! ;)
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Mar 12, 2004 12:14:43 PM CST
Thanks for the warning Bean, and now Ladies and Gentlemen, pleas
by mortsleam
To paraphrase David Brent:
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Mar 12, 2004 12:23:53 PM CST
Oh dear oh dear, the blu ninnys mouf has wroat a chek what....
by pontsing barset
his computer cant cash! I pirntout TATOW may be coming out of its cave any minum! You other bloaks and ladies bes get unner cover qwick!
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Mar 12, 2004 12:38:56 PM CST
OMG OMG I can't believe I forgot it NONONONON! I change one of
by djinnj
How on earth did I forget of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit????? That entire scene is the FUNNIEST hobbit moment in the entire 3 film saga. Frodo's change in expression when Smeagol crrrunches the coney. Smeagol and Sam having their little tiff. "Stupid, fat hobbit!" which has crept into my vernacular. --- I promise, this will be my only recanture and replacement. PROMISE!
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Mar 12, 2004 1:04:42 PM CST
OOH OOH! Change me to Lady Elauron! (Sauraine mort? Heh!)
by skyway moaters
Going with ol' pointy hat's assertions about Smeagollum, the "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit" sequence between Sam an Stinker/Slinker is HILARIOUS!
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I came up with "Sauraine" myself. Mort's a creative guy, but he doesn't deserve the credit for that one. :-) **** Sorry, can't react to all your recent posts just yet, as I'm off to the cinema. I'm glad to see so many of you here, though, and will start counting votes and nominations soon. **** Have a good weekend, everyone!
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This voting is CHAOTIC! OUTA control! Rampant anarchy! Gollum counts as one of the favorite "four hobbits"??? And for funniest hobbit "moment" you can choose an entire scene???? I'd have picked the coney scene but that was an ensemble moment. A group effort! It should NOT COUNT I TELL ... okay, okay, I'm better now. But still ..... ************* tiny dog. friggin hilarious. no wonder the little bugger was so scared. ******** Rune, the wall builder email cannot be used because, well, because apparently I'm a moron and cant get into it. Ingold123 works best. Except, I forgot to check it for a while. (did get your smeagollum comment tho... the pressure's on, but I'm working on it!) --- Sabster - that like was awesome. Classic!
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So, how long is a moment anyway? Break out the dictionary, come on! The category is "BEST FUNNY HOBBIT MOMENT." I don't see anything about of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit to disqualify it. Hrmph.
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Second Breakfast it is for me too... Cheers.
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[just as an aside: I had a rather Americanized breakfast this morning
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After some long, hard and painful thinking (you know, I'm just not used to wrecking my brains!), I've come to the conclusion that Ingold is right about the "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit" scene. I'm not going to accept votes for the "Stupid, fat Hobbit" scene because the character who steals the show in it is not clearly recognisable as a Hobbit, although he may have been a Hobbit at some point. Don't worry, though, Djinnj and Moaters. The scene will definitely pop up in some other category (it's a serious contender for the FUNNIEST MOMENT OVERALL award, I think!), and you're welcome to vote for it then. **** Unfortunately, the fact that Gollum doesn't look anything like a Hobbit also means that I can't accept Pallando's Smeagollum vote in the BEST HOBBIT category, although I obviously welcome the Blue Wizard's attempt at being original. Call me bourgeois, Pallando (hey, did I tell you I was a punk once? I was, you know!), and by all means write stacks of indignant letters to the Elanor authorities (that would be me, I assume? Or perhaps the honourable Elanor herself, who should turn down any request that is likely to result in her beloved Frodo getting one vote less...), but I'm going to have to stick with your Frodo vote. Sorry. :-) **** So now that I've made myself hugely unpopular as your Mistress of Ceremonies (hey, give me a break! I'm new to this!), there's the matter of write-in votes to deal with. Yes, I'll accept write-in votes, Moaters, as long as they come from a clearly recognisable source - i.e., a known Tailender who somehow can't post directly (say, because he can't get access to this occasionally hard-to-reach site, or because his posts keep disappearing, or because he is trying desperately to get over his Tailend addiction). However, if I ever catch anyone cheating (say, passing their own votes off for JD's or BG's, or something similarly false, wicked and tricksy), they will be disqualified from further voting. Do I make myself clear? DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR? [Elaine cracks her whip, sensually runs it over her black, PVC-clad legs and lets out a long, ecstatic sigh. It is clear she gets a kick out of being in charge.]
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Conan: Thanks for nominating one scene in the FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT category. May I also have your votes in the BEST HOBBIT and BEST SUPPORTING HOBBIT categories, please? Cheers. **** Irritable: I'm with Moaters. If you have time to lurk and to post "Last!" challenges (the temerity!), you have time to give us your votes. So, get voting, mellon.
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In the case of "Elauron" versus "Sauraine", my vote definitely goes to "Sauraine". While "Elauron" has a certain class, "Sauraine" sounds infinitely sexier, and when you're trying to project the image of a black-PVC-clad dominatrix, the latter has to be preferable. Wouldn't you agree? :-)
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Now hold on Sauraine, if there
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Best Hobbit: That's tough. Pippin or Sam? Sam or Pippin? I think I'll have to go with the steadfast & trusty Sam. Best Supporting Hobbit: Billy & Katie Jackson. Their big brown eyes filled with wonder and innocence tug at my heartstrings. That is what Frodo and the others fought to preserve. Best Comedic Hobbit Moment Nominations: Oh, the ever-popular Second Breakfast, Pints, and Sam singing the praises of PO-TAY-TOES. Now, I know that the good Lady Sauraine has nixed the whole scene nomination but what about that one liner?
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I don't think it was sufficiently clear in the naming of FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT that it was one hobbit that was to be voted for, instead of a MOMENT that was to be voted for. Also, while I concede that the break in the scene from arrival of the rabbits and the cooking of the stew is stretching the idea of "moment", Gollum's presence should not invalidate the MOMENT. Just as I think Gandalf's "You'd better not talk at all" to Pippin should be considered eligible (even though no one has mentioned it) even though the lines are all by Gandalf, it requires Pippin to make it funny, and couldn't exist without him. Their relationship as well as everything we know about Pippin is bound up in making that scene work. ---- So, to bow before the "it must be a specific hobbit" crowd, and to isolate the nominated bit from other characters for FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT (harumph), I choose Frodo's reaction to Gollum in of Herbs and Stewed Rabbits. First the look to Sam of "look, he's not so bad! Isn't this great?" and how it changes to "urrghph" when Gollum starts eating the rabbit. Understated and excellent, the perfect foil for Gollum and Sam's more overt actions. *djinnj starts chanting "FroDO!" softly in the corner, patting her trebuchet fondly"
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Best Hobbit in Leading Role: Smeagol (forget that ageist stuff, Elaine - he's a hobbit and drama queen extraordinaire). Best Supporting Hobbit: The Earwax Analyst - for his brilliant depiction of Rural Idiocy. Funniest Hobbit Moment: Going post-modern here - Pippin's line to Treebeard -"the closer we are, the further we are from danger ..." I could see the scriptwriters giggling "That's just crazy enough to get us out of this plot-hole in a single bound." ****And thanks for that url from O'Shea's site: almost up to the standard of the mighty deleted FotR Commentary track by professors Chomsky and Zinn, which reaches similar conclusions about those thwarted agrarian utopians, the Orcs. Cheers everyone.
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Mr Peregrin Took. Best supporting Hobbit? Master Samwise of course... Cheers.
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... that at the bottom of a rant about Harry's writing 'style', such a gem as this: "When I first discovered AICN I got so pissed off reading some of the shit people post. I wanted to track them down J&SB style and kick their heads in. Now it all just washes over me and makes me laugh...I think it's thre only reason I still visit this site.", would be lurking? - a TBer by the handle of 'shyhoulud'over on the bottom of the Kill Bill-2 TB...
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Mar 14, 2004 11:28:48 AM CST
Yup that lady djinnj ther cernly lykes her treb u chetses...
by pontsing barset
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Mar 14, 2004 11:33:16 AM CST
And she bes watch out for that Mistress Sauraine and her whip I
by pontsing barset
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Will have to try and catch up tomorrow, quite tired now. Besides, whip-wielding dominatrix Elaine and trebuchet stroking djinnj frighten me! :^) G'Nigtht all!
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Mar 15, 2004 4:23:49 AM CST
Rebellion! Subversion! Anarchy! The horror! The horror!
by mistress elaine
Hmmm. Let me see. I work my arse off trying to make sure these elections are run in an orderly manner, and what do I get? A bunch of unruly Tailenders behaving like a class of thirteen-year-olds challenging their new teacher's authority by questioning her decisions, voting for nominees she has eliminated and threatening with trebuchets. What am I to do with you lot? Clearly some of you need whipping, but since I haven't yet received my Flaming Whip of Udun (could you FedEx it please, MorG? Cheers!), I'll let it pass this once. And to prove that I am not wholly unreasonable, I'll meet you halfway. In the interests of democracy, I will grudgingly allow "Po-ta-toes!" votes in the Funniest Hobbit Moment category, even though I'm convinced the scene belongs to Gollum more than it does to Sam. However. I will NOT accept Gollum votes in the Best Hobbit category. So as far as I'm concerned, there are two courses open to you now, Irritable: either to sit back, have some more of that Enrager Port and write a long rant on ageism which I will ignore, or to go the Pallando way and pick a real Hobbit instead. Since you seem to be a busy man at the moment, I'd advise the latter course of action. :-) **** Now for that other wayward Australian... Conan, while I applaud your attempt at redefining the requirements a candidate for Best Supporting Hobbit must meet (you're right, he must be loyal and supportive!), I cannot accept your Sam vote, for the simple reason that he is not one of the nominees. However, since you had the sound judgement to vote for Pippin in the Best Hobbit category, I'll spare you the glares and the threats and will instead provide you with the list of real Best Supporting Hobbit candidates as posted previously: Rosie Cotton, Farmer Maggot, Mr Proudfeet, Mrs Proudfeet, Ted Sandyman, Otho, Lobelia, Sam's Gaffer and Billy and Katie Jackson. Now, would you do this tired Mistress of Ceremonies a favour and just stick to the bloody rules? In your own words, "Cheers!" [Elaine lets out an exasperated sigh.]
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Mar 15, 2004 4:50:16 AM CST
And since it is Monday, here are the nominees for Funniest Hobbi
by mistress elaine
Actually, determining the five nominees in the Funniest Hobbit Moment category wasn't as straightforward as I'd hoped it would be, as there were several nominations which got two votes each. In the end, I picked the three noms that got more than three votes each, plus two of the four which got two votes each. The latter was a fairly random choice, but I hope everyone can live with that. If not, tough. :-) **** And now, without further ado, here are the nominees... (1) "We've had one breakfast, yes. But what about second breakfast?"; (2) "Po-ta-toes!"; (3) "It comes in pints? I'm getting one!"; (4) "Everybody knows I'm the tall one!" and (5) the ending of the scene in which Boromir and Aragorn teach Merry and Pippin how to fight. Votes must be in on Thursday morning to be eligible. And yes, that'll be the European Thursday morning. I'm old-fashioned that way. :-) **** I'm going to London tomorrow, so I'll leave you to your own rebellious purposes for a day. Do you think you can manage to vote fairly in my absence? If not, there shall be whippings when I return. MorG's Flaming Whip of Udun (FWOU) may not have arrived by the time I get back, but I'm sure my good old Whip of Westernesse (WOW) will do just as nicely. Just ask the paperboy I caught in it this morning. He won't be up to much mischief this week. :-)
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I may be in line for a whipping, but I have to point out, you meant Mr and Mrs ProudFOOT. Also, I'm going to sulk all day if you don't let 'Dont talk to it Merry. Don't encourage it.' be one of the comedy nominations (I believe it was one of the others with two votes?).
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Please tell me you're not getting into this insubordination thing, too. Really, menacingly fondling one's trebuchet is one thing, but threatening to sulk is QUITE another. It might actually constitute a whipping offence. But all right, if it really means so much to you, consider "Don't talk to it, Merry" one of the nominations, too, along with the look on Pippin's face when he realises he still has to get off the burning beacon, which also got two votes. It won't win, anyway. :-) **** As for Mr and Mrs Proudfoot, well, there are those who will argue the point, but as a professional nit-picker and proof-reader, I think you might be right. I pseudo-heartily apologise for the easy-to-make mistake. In my defence, I'm suffering from massive sleep deprivation at the moment. Faramir required rather a lot of whipping last night, and to make matters worse, I had to get up early to punish the paperboy for offences that would make you blush if you only knew what they were. I trust I'll do better when I get a little more sleep. :-)
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Mar 15, 2004 10:03:18 AM CST
I wouldn't dream of defying you without just cause, Mistress.
by raw_bean
I admit it wouldn't displease me too much if 'It comes in PINTS?' won, as I do use that one in my local pub a lot. The same goes for 'I'm the tall one, you're the short one!', 'cause it was the only Merry contribution to the nominations! However, the delivery of 'Dont encourage it!' is so perfect I couldn't bring myself to vote for anything else, and I'm still immensely proud proud of my impression of it. ----------- As for Proudfoot, trust me, I'm right. Everard Proudfoot is the name of the Hobbit in question (not sure about his wife). He's named so in the book where it describes him with his large, hairy feet on the table, shouting 'ProudFEET!' as a joke. Incidentally, someone (Pippin's Diamond?) asked ages ago where in the books it was ever said that Hobbits had large feet, and believed it was something that was not explicitly said in books. This description of Everard Proudfoot's big feet could be the source of the idea, originally meant only for him (or his family) but mistakenly believed to be charactersitic of all Hobbits? Just a thought. As for sleep deprivation, I can sympathise as I'm pretty much a constant sufferer, although not for the same apparent reasons as yourself!
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Don't take out your ire on the poor inoccent paper boy. *Snif* I used to BE a paper boy, and the sadomasochistic customers were THE worst! Get the paper on the doorstep and you were just fine, (usually). Get it a couple of feet away and out comes the cat-o-nine-tails! God help you if you threw it in the bushes or something. I've still got scars and hangups because of my poor aim and weak throwing arm... *snif* OH THE HUMANITY!
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Mar 15, 2004 10:43:42 AM CST
It's not so much the skin-tight black patent leather bodysuit, a
by pallando blue
>THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHW--?THWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACKTHWACK< OOOOOOOHHHHH Sweet Mystery Of Life At Last I've Fooooouund Yoooouu...............
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Mar 15, 2004 11:11:15 AM CST
Why do you think nobody else volunteered for the job, M. E.?
by sabster
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Mar 15, 2004 11:45:37 AM CST
I figured "Mistress Elaine" would bring out the sub in some peop
by mortsleam
Didn't have PB pegged for one though. If I had to pick anyone, I'd have said Conan. Everyone knows those strapping musclemen like to have the tables turned. What happened to the old, genteel, chaste, drawing room type ambience of the Tailend? When did it degenerate into paper-boy whipping and trebuchet fondling? Not that I'm complaining, mind you, just taking notes for Mssrs. Ashcroft and Ridge. (Waves to the NSA agent standing in the shadows) *** I'll continue to vote for "I'm the tall one" as FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT and should mention that I agree with Sauraine in limiting the Herbs and Stewed Rabbit scene to either "Po-TAY-Toes" or the 'Coney Crunch.' Moment to me denotes something shorter than an entire scene, more akin to an exchange or several (meaning three to four) lines of dialog. But, just to cover my ain aine (that's "my own ass" for those of you who don't speak antebellum slang or French) let me second djinnj's nomination of "You'd better not talk at all." Sure, it's technically a FUNNIEST MAIAR MOMENT, but it does directly involve Pippin. Perhaps FUNNIEST HOBBIT-RELATED MOMENT BY A NON-HOBBIT CHARACTER? Is that too complicated? Mistress Elaine? Hey, put the whip down, I've just barely finished growing a new layer of skin after my boiling. And besides, as Chauncey Gardener once said,
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Um, Mistress Elaine, can I have some of what Pallando's having, or do I need to be more difficult and naughty in my voting?
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Frist these rule thingys (which were bad enough, come on ;), then the strict rule thingys, name change, whips and black plastic. Hmm. There was an urge to change over to a Gollum vote but who am I kidding, I can
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Mar 15, 2004 1:36:50 PM CST
Rune, I speak English and yet I didn't understand a single word
by mortsleam
And I thought mortsleam brand technispeak was confusing.
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Rune love, what're you doing here?! I wasn't really asking Elaine to whip me, honest! I was, err....., researching sado-masochism. For a book. Or something. :~}
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now get the ninja babe in here and we'll have ourselves one fine party. Speaking of dueling whips, I think the "Tiny Hounddogs" would be a good name for the house band. ***** Elaine, since you've almost regained a semblance of power, might I suggest something ahhh, good then. Here it is. Let each cast 3 votes, for 1st, 2nd and 3rd favorites in EACH category. Give 3 points for each 1st, 2 for each 2nd and 1 pt for each 3rd, if'n you take my meaning. Otherwise, I see 8 people voting for something live 7 noms, and likely the winner being the one with 2 votes. Not quite a reflection of the masses, me thinks. Just an idear. Then, as the old nappy in the Color Purple said when Oprah came back "'bout time we some stability 'round here'.
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Mar 15, 2004 1:49:28 PM CST
I posted before the catfight broke out, and just want to say...
by wall builder
Meow
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But a legume should know better.
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Perhpas you should join the esteemed ranks of the accounting firm of Walrus, M
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Sure, I can print an omlaught with the best of 'em, but perhaps? Nooo...
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Mar 15, 2004 3:42:22 PM CST
Dagnabbit Mortsleam! <laughter causes Ingold to cough pepsi out
by wall builder
hey, just doin' what I can. After reading Elaine's post that she "wrecked her brain all day" I felt kinda bad. And we all know that wrecked brains lead to a dominating sadomasaochistic behavior - not that we all don't need a good whiptashing every now and again. ---- and now, let's see if I can put together a solid 15 minutes of work before I punch out, to save the day from being a total waste.
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...yes, your Spanking New Flaming Whip-Tash of Udun is literally flying to you as I type this. For our BESTEST customers, we have employed the Winged Hell Imp Pterodactyl Trans Arda Sizzling Helicopter delivery service. Yes, when you absolutely HAVE to whip somebody overnight, call WHIPTASH. ** Erm, no need to be sparing with all that whipping, madam. Why, if you join me and a few other lucious, erm, did I say lucious? I meant, LUCKY, yeah, that's right, lucky devotchka's in the Executive Sauna (OK Alice, just this once, just for you) OF DOOM!! (cue dramatic music!) ternight, you may try out your new whip on more than just these whining Tailender boys. Scholl me mama! Eight to the bar!!
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Dang, I got Moaters disease! I meant "school me." No, I don't need a lesson on how to apply Dr. Scholl's footpads!
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Boy did THIS awards program take a detour into the bizarre! Not that I have a proble
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Just for cutest (if he gets it) and my mate Ashley. :^) G'Night all!
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Dear Mistress Elaine, I was first
thinking of throwing my um, er, weight around as the Elanor Awards' namesake by asking you to accept SmeaGollum as a viable Hobbit choice but then I realized
that The Mistress should indeed be allowed special powers of judgment for agreeing to accept such a heavy burden in the first place (I do not lay it on you, but if you take it freely then I say your choice is right). But I have another idea, to placate those who would have voted so, and also because it would no doubt add to the fun, how about a special Gollum category? Such as, Best Gollum moment, Best Smeagol moment? Best CGI/Serkis facial reaction? Best Drama Queen SmeaGollum moment?Something like that?***My votes: (Wait, I did this already, oh well, maybe Elaine will forget and Frodo will get two votes. **
No! No! Can't win unfairly!** Yes, precious, Master must win, Master was the bravest, Must win!**No! No! Spoils win if we cheats!***Not if it's accidental, Eh, Precious? We mentions Frodo twice and they counts it twice?***Hmmm, sorry. sorry, sorry for everything. Ahem: Frodo (natch), Everard Proudfoot (will mum ever forgive me?), Second Breakfast. (oh, yeah)***Honorary Mention for raw_bean's perfect mimicry of Pippin's immortal delivery
"don't talk to it, Merry, don't encourage it." -
I've been on a journey to the frozen north. I would like to vote for PIPPIN for best hobbit, since he always seems to be having a good time. More so than certain other hobbits I might mention, anyway. Plus he's got a great singing voice (1-866-HOBBITS-04 to vote!) I would like to vote for OLD MAN PROUDFOOT for best supporting hobbit, mainly for the scene in which he pretends not to be amused by GANDALF'S fireworks. One of my favorite moments in all the films. That is Proudfoot isn't it? For best comedic hobbit moment, out of the nominees I would like to vote for the "IT COMES IN PINTS?" scene, though my true favorite is the "don't talk to it MERRY, don't encourage it!" line. Or maybe the aforementioned fireworks scene. The POTATOES scene is not amusing to me, because of the events that follow it. I mean, they never even get to eat the stew. It's just sad. Hey, has anyone heard of the band ELF POWER? They are a good band with some TOLKIEN influence. Highly recommended.
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Heh - Now that I helped to get Po-tay-toes nominated, I vote for Second Breakfast. Sorry Elaine, I mean Mistress Sauraine, but I didn't want Pippin to have all the nominations for best comedic scene. Have you started to regret the fact that you volunteered for this?
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Well, if you ever feel the need to practise your
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Mar 16, 2004 4:58:49 AM CST
Thanks to my efforts Tv'sFrank, you CAN vote for 'Don't encourag
by raw_bean
And yes, it is Proudfoot in that scene. --------- Hi there elanor. :) Did I quote that line in NY, or are you just being nice? ---------- I may not know how to type 'em, but I can at least *spell* umlaut! :^)
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Mar 16, 2004 6:07:24 AM CST
Thrash my muscular buttocks to your heart's content, Elaine ...
by irritable
...but Smeagol's still an award-worthy Hobbit, no matter how elderly BUT IF THE CATEGORIES ARE IRREMEDIALLY JERRYMANDERED - I choose as Best Hobbit: Pippin (Plausible Maturation under Pressure via Good Acting). And how come Dr Bracegirdle PhD, the Earwax Analyst, doesn't qualify for the category Best Supporting Hobbit? Pallando B. and I perceived greatness there. Is there no end to the pettiness of these exclusions? ****and bean, "G'Nigtht" to you too.
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I wonder what Elaine's gonna think of the queue of Tailenders wanting 'lessons' when she gets back from London. :D
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And what a weird one it is with all this talk of whips, chains, etc. Btw, TEN MORE WEEKS UNTIL LOTR:ROTK-TE DVD DAY!!!!!!!!!!
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Irritable, my fellow Aussie. I should know, I live in Queensland after all... You appear to be a Sydney-sider fro your comments about North Bondi eh? Very interesting... Cheers.
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... that last delicious litre of Ol' Enrager must've made me accidentally hit the "Cancel OzSpellchecker" button.
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Mar 16, 2004 9:58:33 AM CST
That's why we desperately need an 'edit post' function on Club A
by mortsleam
Wait...all you Americans, quick, pretend that that's how we spell umlaut over here, ya know like "colour/color" and "realise/realize!" C'mon, support you fellow horrendous speller!
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Sorry mort, I was trying to let it go, but then Sabster brought it up and I couldn't hold back the fiery spirit of the Spell Checker of Westernesse that resides within me. -------- Careful with all this talk of editing posts on Club Angband and horrendous spelling, it'll be hard to restrain SCOW from prowling the site and using my webmaster status to edit and correct everyone's posts myself!
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Has the publishing history of LOTR taught you nothing dear boy? Were you to employ SCOW in the manner you describe, you would inevitably introduce 'errant lines of revision' and hard feelings would invariably arise!
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Mar 16, 2004 10:36:06 AM CST
But bean, would that mean you had to stop wishing everybody
by irritable
"G'Nigtht"? [just askin']
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Mar 16, 2004 10:52:48 AM CST
Now now guys, I was only joking, I wouldn't really go around edi
by raw_bean
Moaters, you're doubtless right. My mate Ashley was just telling me the yesterday about how his bank 'corrected' his middle name of 'Maak' to 'Mark' on his account details! ----- It would be pretty trusting of me to let people edit their posts, but I'd have no qualms with the Tailenders. People'd need to log on though, in order for the site to only allow the author of the post to edit it. I think I'll offer it as an option, 'cause it'd also make posting quicker, but still allow folks to just enter their name and password as they post. ------- irritable, have no fear, I've no problem with slang or vernacular, just incorrectly spelt or used words are my bugbear. You've nothing to fear, I'll still wish you all "G'night" on an evening. :^)
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Mar 16, 2004 11:06:14 AM CST
Just as long as you don't scream "There are four ligThts!" Bean
by mortsleam
Picard would be quite cross with you.
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I saw Picard the other day as I was eating my lunch, by the way. I was in my student union bar when the music suddenly stopped. Wondering what was going on, I looked round and saw the back of the bald head of our new University Chancellor. Despite cutest's suggestion, I neglected to go and ask him why the last Trek film was so crap.
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Only instead of Patrick Stewart, it was some homeless guy that wandered into the Student Center and was begging for change. I told him, "Dude, if I had any spare change, do you think I'd be eating at Taco Bell?" Ah, the joys of going to school in downtown Detroit...
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"It's 'froy-line', with an umlaut!" "I'll say it is!"
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Hey bean, g
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I now own (for the next two years) clubangband.com and clubangband.co.uk. I'm just trying to sort some cheap webspace out now, will let you know how that goes. Then I'll get some basic functionality up (a single TB-type forum) so that we can move over to our own, non-hosing, troll-free site, and then I'll be wanting help from everyone (suggestions, feedback, designs/visual concepts) so I can gradually build up the site around us.
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I had read something similar to that, about Olorin giving people visions of ways to create new things for the enrichment of the world. I think it was in Unfinished Tales, a similar passage to the one you gave. I think I mentioned it in a post. So yeah, Gandalf might have been responsible. Who knows if that was Peter Jackson's intention though. Verrrry interesting...
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...yes, I read the sentence in 'Unfinished Tales' just as you said. I thought the bit from 'Morgoth's Ring' was a bit more specific and fleashed out in thought. I can certainly see how you arrived at your idea. Yeah, pretty damned cool, I think! I also think Ian McKellen did a (as they say in NZ) a fayntayistic job as Olorin! I popped in Fellowship (SEV) last Sunday morning and watched up until Rivendell and it just washed over me again how splendid a job that PJ and company did with the casting. ** It may come as no surprise to you Senior Uncooked Legume that I have indeed already bookmarked the site on my home PC. Alas, it is blocked here at workies {[:^(
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...(slips on fifteen year old persona) like, DUH! Heh, yeah I remember the part in UT you mentioned. It was a single sentence from, evidently, that passage in 'Morgoth's Ring'. I only provided the more extended read because, hey, I thought it was cool and it was a bit more extensive. Anyhoo, just thought you might be interested to know where it came from.
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Alright then, if I can vote for Proudfoot's reaction to Gandalf's fireworks as best comedic hobbit moment, then I would vote for that. If that isn't an option, then I would vote for the "Don't encourage it!" scene, and if that isn't an option either then I would like to vote for the "It comes in pints?" scene. I think that covers all the bases. ** Has anyone suggested musical categories for the awards? There could be an award for best credits song (obviously Gollum's song) and best theme (Shire theme, Fellowship theme, Rohan theme, Gondor theme, Bad Guys theme etc.). There could be an award for best song sung by a character in the movies, like either of Merry and Pippin's pub songs, "The Road Goes Ever On and On" as sung by Gandalf or Bilbo, Pippin's song to Denethor, Eowyn's funeral song, Gollum's fishing song, and many others (that sounds like one of those commercials for those music collections. Call now and get free shipping!). Why these awards could go ever on and on...
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That is interesting. Is "Morgoth's Ring" a book? Is it part of the whole "History of Middle Earth Series?" I have yet to read any of that.
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I got back from London late last night, and what do you think my upstairs neighbour handed me? The Flaming Whip of Udun, which the postman had left with her because he couldn't bear having the evil thing in his presence any longer. Nor could my upstairs neighbour, which is why she passed it on to me the moment I put my key in my lock. Well, what can I say? You have sent me a mighty gift. Magnificent, even. It's got a life of its own which positively sings to me, and oh, I love the way it quivers when I pick it up. No need to swing it; at a mere touch, it begins humming, and vibrating, and... oooooh, she's a beauty. And best of all, she is so long I don't even have to stand close to the window to lash out at the paper-boy. Now that is one useful whip! **** Now, as for your kind invitation to come and wield my new toy in your Executive Sauna of Doom, I'm sorry, but I have to turn down the invite. Steam's no good for a fiery creature like myself. It might extinguish the flames. However, if Club Angband is ever in need of a tabletop dancer, I'm your vixen. I do a mean tabletop rendition of Britney Spears' "Baby Hit Me One More Time", in which I curl my whip around my thighs the way Pallando likes it. Of course, you'll have to warn the punters not to sit too close to the table, for the Whip of Udun is long, and the scars it leaves are nasty. Although, on second thoughts... no, don't warn the punters, after all. Scars are good. Scars are great. [Mistress Elaine licks her lips at the thought of causing lasting injury. This is exactly how she likes her fun.]
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Mar 17, 2004 5:24:23 AM CST
So, we want to have our bottoms smacked, do we, boys?
by mistress elaine
Well, that can be arranged. No problem. I never need an excuse to start swinging my whip; just assume the position and all will be swell. If you want to know exactly how swell, write to me at sauraine@yahoo.com and we'll set a date. In that e-mail, I also want you to answer three fairly straightforward questions: (1) Do you prefer the Whip of Westernesse or the much more painful Flaming Whip of Udun? I also have a softish cat-of-nine-tails, but that's only for wimps, which I know you're not. (2) Do you wish to be smacked hard (H), extra hard (XH) or extra, extra hard (XXH)? Soft (S) is not an option. As I said, I know you're not wimps. (3) Are you allergic to any substances, and if so, what are they? **** Of course, I will also require you to sign a form that states that you, not I, are responsible for any damage that might result from our encounter, and that you will not sue me in the case of permanent damage. Still interested? Good. Goooooooood. Let's meet soon, shall we?
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Mar 17, 2004 5:57:06 AM CST
And now, some business talk (yes, this is your Mistress of Cerem
by mistress elaine
TV'S FRANK: You were not too late to vote. Your votes will be counted tomorrow along with everybody else's, and will be handled more gently than some because they featured a Pippin vote. Well done, my lad. **** INGOLD: How about adopting your system for the preliminary voting, and mine for the final vote? That is to say, when we NOMINATE our favourite scenes in any particular category, we will give them points (three points for our favourite choice, two points for our second-favourite one, etc.), but when it comes to the final vote, it's one vote each. How does that work for you? Can you live with that, or will it take violence to make you see sense? :-) **** ELANOR: Don't worry, there will be other Gollum categories later on. In fact, there will be lots of them - the ones that you suggested as well as a few of my own devising. We'll start voting on them soon enough. **** PALLANDO: So I take it that's a Pippin vote, then? Good. Good. I knew you had some sense in you. It's a shame it took a whipping to bring it out, but if that's what it takes to ensure you cast the right vote, I will apply myself to your dear buttocks more often. I warn you, though. Next time it won't be fur-covered cuffs that I'll use; it will be the Hot and Scalding Handcuffs that MorGoth was thoughtful enough to include in his package. Just a bossy warning between friends! **** IRRITABLE AND PALLANDO: Much as I like both of you (really! You have some backbone in you, my dear lads!), I will not allow you to vote for the Anonymous Ear Picker, for the simple reason that even supporting characters must be named to be eligible for nomination. Since your dear Anonymous Ear Picker is not, I won't take Ear Picker votes into consideration. Simple logic, isn't it? Besides, I have the orderliness of the whole procedure to keep in mind. What would this election come to if I allowed two recalcitrant lads like yourselves to erode my authority right from the start? Anarchy, that's what. And I'll tell you once: I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANARCHY! THERE SHALL BE ORDER IN THIS CLASSROOM! AAAAAAAAARGH!
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Whoa, you really are demented. A Spears impression? There is NO kind of pleasure in that. Please, return to the whip.
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Mar 17, 2004 7:12:52 AM CST
Oh I don't know Rune love, as I like to say it Britney Spears is
by raw_bean
If Elaine takes up table dancing in Club Angband, could I go see her? You know, as one of her friends, cheering her on in case she gets stage fright, no other reason. :~} ---------- TV's Frank, Morgoth's Ring (as opposed to morGoth's ring, which is a whole different ball game) is the twelfth book in the History of Middle Earh, as you guessed. I've not read it myself, I've only got to HoME book 7.
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How cold do you think I am? I
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Elaine doesn't need us there, she's quite clearly self-confident enough to strut her stuff in her tight PVC costumes and whip coiled tantalisingly around her thigh..... *clears throat* she doesn't need us to cheer her on, anyway. :~|
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I promise I won't swing my whip in your direction. Whatever rumours you may have heard in that regard, they're false. False, I tell you! For really, while I have been known to fall prey to a certain, shall we say, ABANDON during my table dances, I'd never lash out at my friends. Never. At least, not knowingly. And if you're really that opposed to Britney Spears (hey, I know *I* am when I'm not dancing on tables!), I can do a pretty entertaining routine to "Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick", too. No? Ah, you're no fun, you two.
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The "Baby Hit Me One More Time" routine I was talking about earlier DOES feature the whip. In fact, the whip is the main ingredient of the routine. Just thought I'd clear that up. :-)
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Really Rune, first no Pulp Fiction, now...Britney Spears? And I know the snap of the CD case wasn't just a sound effect. Get thee to the nearest Tower Records and buy Bif Naked, Holly Golightly and the Yeah Yeah Yeah's NOW!!! *** Elaine: the ONLY thing that saved you from being gored by the tusks of an enraged music snob walrus is the image of a PVC clad dominatrix doing a table dance. Which is actually very similar to the "Oops I Did It Again" video, is it not? What? That wasn't me. A respectable walrus wouldn't know a Britney Spears video by sight. Obviously some tricksy maiar is throwing his voice. Uhm...what did Bean say about a mute button?
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'Hit me baby one more time' has 19 letters in it! Sh*t, everything's gone all Nineteen, man. Just as long as a horde of Doctor Dooms on robotic horses carrying light sabres and explosive golden snitches don't turn up, I might just be all right. And if they do? Well, there are other worlds than these, and that's the truth. Say thankya.
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Mar 17, 2004 12:16:09 PM CST
How'dya like them apples, cutest? :) Doh! I miscounted, it has 2
by raw_bean
Back in the real world: Mute buttons and Britney Spears videos go hand in hand mort. I must admit to being a tad concerned at the presence of Britney in my girlfriend's music collection though.... -------- Hit me with your rythm stick, hit me slowly, hit me quick, hit me, hit me, hit - meeeee! ------- Ah, Elaine, if you'd only started table dancing a couple of months earlier I'd be first in line to sit at your feet and beg for a good whipping, positively drooling at your dancing with abandon, but Rune's got me caught good and proper now, so you'll have to dance for others, I'm afraid.
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Roland will wind up on some desolate planet, where he sees a run-down bar in the middle of nowhere. He enters the bar to see an overweight sixty eyear old man with a greying pompadour wearing a spangly white velvet suit with a huuuuge collar, sitting next to a distressed-looking galactic hitchhiker in a worn-out bathrobe. *** Dunno if this has been mentioned over at TORN, but according to Entertainment Weekly, The WB has the rights to show the network TV premiere of Fellowship of the Ring, which it plans to do either for May Sweeps or during Christmas, to coincide witht the release of the ROTK SEV.
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Okay, so the current hosing is useful as a disincentive 'cause I gotta spend every free work minute today filling out my damn bracket. (If you gotta ask, don't bother!) But was compelled to suggest, for the Club act, "Love Whip" from The Reverend Horton Heat's debut "Smoke Em If You Got Em" and "Lap Dance" from The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion's oft-overlooked "Xtra-Acme USA". Spears is fun for novelty parody acts and naughty Rolling Stone pictorials, but, please. If I'm getting jobbed with morG's cruel four-drink minimum I want a REAL show. ;) *** All right, Mistress, to biz. In light of promised future Smeagollum-specific catgeories I will grudgingly relent on that front. But let the record show my Pippin vote was made under dur-- >THWACK:P ...Ahem. :^D ...*cough* 8-o (You got my back, right, irritable? I don't think I like that look in her eyes....)
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"...no see, 'thankyavermuch' isn't a word, and even if it was, you can't have the triple word score because- oh, hello. Do *you* play Scrabble? Never mind, what I really want to know is where in this awful place I can get a cup of tea?" ---------- You're playing with fire Pallando, I'd be very careful if I were you.
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When a gal uses a song as a form of torture and you think she listens to it for fun. I keep those things locked away behind the desk where the orcs can
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Good backtracking there with AC/DC, but the mere fact that you had access to that CD in the first place is a crime. Yes indeedy. (Nods his head vigorously, causing a handful of Beyonce, Kylie Minogue and Huey Lewis CDs to fall out of the pockets of his trenchcoat.) What? Those aren't mine. Look! Howard Shore! (Runs away, leaving a puff of smoke and some action lines.)
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Like a fool, I printed out this morning
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Mar 17, 2004 4:00:43 PM CST
If you're going to be any success in sports gambling, bet with y
by pallando blue
I've got a couple upsets in there; went with the big boys mainly but matched up weaknesses and progressive stamina, and yes, there ought to be a couple of surprises this year--though no Cinderella Champion, to be sure. I'm tellin ya, that (hmm, lessee, $5 for the bracket, there's, what, 15, no, 16 of us, hmmm, carry the 3...) eighty big ones is gonna be MINE! *** Anyway, on to official Elanors, and please, as the man says, no wagering. I Officially Present my revised and unchanging nominations ballot, via the Ingold/Elaine Mathematical Weighted-Score Compromise * BEST HOBBIT IN A LEAD ROLE: 1st: Frodo >THWUDTHWIP< [stands blinking with new part in hair] 2nd: Lobelia Sackville-Baggins [I loved her in Braindead!] 3rd: The Proudfoots ["ProudFE--!" "Yes, we know, we know (says that *every* time he drinks, I swear").] * FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT BETWEEN HOBBITS: 1st: "This, my friend, is a pint." 2nd: "Roast chicken!?" 3rd: Wild cackling from Saruman's larder as plumes of smoke emerge (a.k.a. the Cheech Brandybuck and Pippin Chong scene) *** [smacks forehead] I just caught up to the fact you finished Wolves, bean! So, who are we still waiting on before in-depth DT nattering?
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I just took a better read of the TB and discovered that you beat me to naming our ear picker Bracegirdle by quite a margin! Well, there you go. Two independent sources have both reached the same Bracegirdle conclusion. Let it be recorded in the Annals (oh, stop snickering): he has been So Named. ["He's been, like, SO named."]
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FRIST! ...Well?
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Approximately twelve hours left until I post the results of the first vote and three new categories for you to get childish over. If you haven't voted yet, this is your last chance to do so! Late votes will not be taken into consideration. **** If you do still have to vote, please do it the old-fashioned way, i.e., limit your votes to ONE name a category. Which is to say, do NOT do what Pallando [thwack!] just did, for that is ONLY how we vote in the early nomination stage, not in the final-votes stage. Grumble. (Are you being deliberately obtuse, Pallando? To score another thrashing, perhaps? Well, congrats. It's worked. Here comes another blow. [Elaine steps backward, measures the distance between herself and Pallando's behind and expertly flicks her wrist. Pallando yodels.] And yet another. [Pallando yodels even harder.] No, don't duck, you ninny! If you want to get properly thwacked, you've got to assume the right position!). **** Now, as for your Sam vote... I will grudgingly accept it (what's that you keep saying about duress? I don't think I quite understand the point you're trying to make here...), but the flipside is, quite obviously, that I won't accept your "Bracegirdle" vote. Don't argue with me. You know you'll lose. **** However, to make the loss of the Ear Picker vote more bearable, I promise I'll look into new table-dancing music. Yes, sir, I will. No more Britney Spears talk from me! Ugh!
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FRIST! (.....?) ...dammit! Okay, seeing as how this 'un's nice an hosed, getting a bit lengthy, and is filled with Talk Of Which Mort's Boss Does Not Approve, anyone wanna head over to that last Downunder page? You know, if it's far enough down the page Father Geek won't mind, i.e., notice? *** Oh, real quick....... FRIST! I'm FRIST! (.......?) ...dammit!
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When the mounting frustration and increased punitive efforts have elicited that slight sheen of perspiration across her cheekbones and shaken loose three or four locks from her loosening hair-bun, the binding outfit not allowing her deep breaths only short, quick panting she tries to hide... Ah, now, hon, forgive my obtuseness. I coulda sworn with all the Nominee Confusion and Rules Rehashing lately we were still only determining the Finalists. For your concession to upgrade the music around here, let me Re-Cast my Official Final Ballot in a manner to best afford you a breather. :) BEST HOBBIT, LEAD: Frodo * BEST HOBBIT, SUPPORTING: Lobelia Sackville-Baggins * FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT BETWEEN HOBBITS: "This, my friend, is a pint." ...There, see? I can give a little, too. :) Tell you what, in this spirit of renewed cooperation, I'll help you talc up before your next show. The worst damage from chafing doesn't occur in the obvious places, you see, but ra-- ...Wait, who's that? Hey! HEY! You! Walrus' boss! Get outta here, you sicko! Jeez! Some people!
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Our range is June 22 - 30th. I will be staying near Montrose; the Moot itself is based in Alexandria, near DC. Go Drafthouse! There
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Mar 17, 2004 7:07:24 PM CST
Sorry Pallando, my Runey's still someway behind. Last time she m
by raw_bean
I'll make sure to hurry her along. :^)
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Hey, I'm first and last on this talkback. What do you know?
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...TV'sFrank was frast! Snif, I've done that myself only once. You should be proud. Great prancing pyro pollywogs! Never have I seen a whip so weilded...AIYA! Glad would he be, him that wove that fiery thong in the depths of time Behold, The Whip of Udun!! Sigh, I wish I'd gotten to this TB earlier...what a hoot! O yes, Mistress Elaine, I shall begin negotiations with JD at once about adding a new bar. Mmmm...hmmmm...AH! Lashers Lounge it shall be named!
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I'm referring to something Elaine said. Sorry! I meant Mistres... HEY! gimme some time! I meant "MISTRESS" Elaine. There! You happy? Anyway, where as I? Oh yeah Mistress Elaine, what exactly did you mean when you said you were going to (and I quote) "APPLY yourself to Pallando's butt"? hmmmmm? we wonders, yes we does. ******* Okay, my official vote for BEST SUPPORTING HOBBIT: Katie in the 'fear of being squashed into jelly' scene. FUNNIEST Hobbit Moment: 'What about second breakfast?" BEST HOBBIT: I will not choose. You offer an evil choice. Forget it. I like them all. PIPPIN! PIPPIN! I chose PIPPIN! sheesh, how'd you sneak up so fast? ************** WALRUS- I'm still laughing at your office incident. I mean, it WAS funny, right? I don't know what would be worse, being caught with the S&M discussion, being caught dinking around at work, or being caught spending hours on a geek talkback. Maybe we should vote on which is worse! No, wait, I mean, maybe we should talk about voting on it, then argue about nomination procedures, the vote however we wants to heedless of WhipMistress B over there.
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I humbly prostrate myself before you and beg forgiveness, or at least punishment... Given the rules, which sadly due to my infrequent attendance these days, I was unaware of, state that I cannot chose Master Samwise as best supporting hobbit, (though I still contend he best fits that description...) I shall choose Rosie Cotton for mine. Now on with the punishment, provided that Faramir and his Numenorean hardiness hasn't worn you out... And remember I can't have the welts on my body again this week, I've got a show on afterall, spray on tan and my oiling up routine can only conceal so much... Cheers.
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There's always Billy Boyd's rendtion of "Baby One More Time" which he performed on Sharon Osbourne's show. Full circle, we've come. *listens* Heheheheheh....
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Mar 18, 2004 5:31:36 AM CST
The Elanor Chronicles, Volume One (in which the Mistress of Cere
by mistress elaine
Well, it's Thursday, so it's time to announce the winners in our first three categories! By some curious coincidence, the only voter to see all her votes win (i.e., the only voter to pick all three winners correctly!) was myself. I swear that's a coincidence. Honestly, I wouldn't be so wicked as to rig the vote in such a way that it completely reflected my own taste, although that taste is of course impeccable! Ahem. Anyhow, three voters failed to pick a single winner: Raw Bean, Walrus and Pallando. What does that say about you, guys? Are you all true originals, or are you just hopelessly out of touch with the rest of us...? **** Anyway, on with the show now... **** In the BEST HOBBIT category, the winner is... PIPPIN!!! As voted for by Conan, Irritable, Ingold, TV's Frank, Sabster and myself. So you see, I didn't even have to count Pallando's vote (which he claims he cast under duress... pah!) to secure a victory for my beloved Pippin. Others had some sense, too. It was a close shave, though, as Sam got five votes. Pity Alice, Daughter of Time, Vanyar and Pip's Diamond didn't vote; they might have made the race even tighter. Who knows, they might even have put Frodo (two votes) in the running. **** In the BEST SUPPORTING HOBBIT category, the winner is... MR PROUDFOOT! In actual fact, it was quite a resounding victory for Mr Proudfoot. He got seven votes (Djinnj, MorGoth, TV's Frank, Miami, Rune, Elanor and myself). No other supporting Hobbit received more than two votes. **** In the FUNNIEST HOBBIT MOMENT category, there was a similarly overwhelming victory. "What about second breakfast?" got six votes (Moaters, Conan, Ingold, JD, Elanor and myself). No other entry scored more than two points, not even the hotly debated "Po-ta-toes!" scene. Hardly worth the argument, wouldn't you say, guys? :-) **** Anyhow, this concludes the first Elanor ceremony. On to the second one now...
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Pesky English language.
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Mar 18, 2004 6:52:16 AM CST
And now, here are three new categories for you to ponder and dis
by mistress elaine
Now I know what you're all thinking. Last week we did funny Hobbit moments, so this week we're going to vote for heroic Hobbit scenes, poignant Hobbit scenes, ensemble Hobbit scenes, etc., right? Wrong. While logic might indeed suggest that we continue with Hobbit votes, all this talk of whipping has put me in an aggressive, not to mention rather morbid mood, so we're going to discuss deaths, near-deaths and battles this week. For the record, the first two categories are direct votes, while the third is subject to some preliminary voting. For the latter, I suggest we adopt the Ingold Method: everybody lists their three favourite scenes (three points for their favourite scene, one point for their third-favourite scene), and the five scenes that get the most points will be officially nominated on Monday. That all right with you? In that case, without further ado, let's proceed with the Week Two categories! **** Category number one is the BEST ONE-ON-ONE FIGHT. As far as I'm concerned, the nominees are: (1) Aragorn versus Lurtz; (2) Gandalf versus the Balrog; (3) Sam versus Shelob; (4) Eowyn versus the Witch-King; and (5) Smeagol versus Deagol. Unless I'm forgetting a particularly spectacular one-on-one fight, that is, in which case feel free to remind me. **** Category number two is the FAVOURITE FRODO NEAR-DEATH SCENE. There are more than five possible choices here, but I suggest we stick to the following: (1) Frodo at Weathertop; (2) Frodo after the cave troll; (3) Frodo after Shelob, (4) Frodo at the Crack of Doom (the cliff-hanging), and (5) Frodo and Sam just after the destruction of the Ring. Aspects to consider include: the action which nearly kills the hero, the look on his face while he is fighting for his life, the way the others around him react to his near-death, the white-shirt factor of the moment he is revealed to live and the general "movingness" or "touchingness" of the scene. (If anyone wishes to extend the category so that they can vote for Aragorn's tumble of the cliff, Faramir on the pyre or Arwen's bizarre near-death, I'll be quite happy to accomodate. However, I suggest we save the Non-Frodo Near-Deaths for after the release of the "Return of the King" EE, by which time we'll have more Eowyn, Faramir and Merry material to take into consideration.) **** Finally, we will be voting on THE MOST SPECTACULAR WAY TO DIE. Ten suggestions follow below, but feel free to add others if you think I've missed anything. (1) Heroically pulling a sword deep inside of you, only to have your head hewn off a few seconds later(Lurtz); (2) Falling into a deep, deep abyss without ever stopping fighting on the way down (the Balrog); (3) Valiantly protecting two little Hobbits against a horde of Uruk-Hai despite the fact that you have three arrows buried inside of you and can barely stand straight (Boromir); (4) Being slain from behind and dying in extreme slow motion and extreme close-ups (Haldir); (5) Being trampled by Ents (lots of Orcs); (6) Being dropped about 300 feet by a Fell Beast (several Gondorians); (7) Suffering a full-frontal collision with a Fell Beast, thus ending up underneath your horse rather than on top of it (Theoden); (8) Setting yourself on fire and jumping from the highest point of the city, smack in the middle of a full-blown war (the Comet Denethor); (9) Being stabbed in a void where your face should be and deflating with a lovely "pssssh" (the Witch-King), and (10) Falling into flowing lava, still clutching at the Ring (Gollum). **** Just in case you're wondering, we'll be voting on Legolas' best action moments and the best rallies and battle cries later. For the sake of clarity, though, do not start nominating in those categories just yet. Please. Don't make me ask you again in an unfriendly way. :-)
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Please find the results of last week's elections at the top of the talkback. Thank you.
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Was I one of the droves who read the news and caused the site to grind to a near halt, no doubt resulting in the disappearance of MANY people's posts? Well, yes..... -------- I find you categories tricky Elaine, I'd definitely vote Deagol for best death (or more accurately, Smeagol for best killing), but Deagol doesn't quite fit 'most spectacular death', and the 'Smeagol/Deagol' certainly doesn't strike me as 'best one-on-one fight'. I'll have a good ponder on the categories you've come up with, and get back to you. ------- As a side note, can I request that (as the original brief for the elanors had it) we vote on 'ordinary' Oscar-type categories as well, but for specific bits of the LOTR films? For instance, Best Visual Effects; the Balrog, the Watcher, the Siege of Minas Tirith, Eowyn versus Fell Beast, Gollum/Smeagol debate in pool reflection, etc. Or Cinematography; Prologue, Moria, Gandalf's arrival at the end of the Battle of the Hornburg, The siege of Minas Tirith/Ride of the Rohirrim, etc. Best Score; the lighting of the beacons, actually I'm not going to bother suggesting any other possible nominations for this one, it's a one-horse race for me! :^)
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I will bravely step forward and suffer the sting of Mistress Sauraine
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Well damn, I sure hope so! 0 for 3, yikes. (And our MC sweeps..? Hmm. I'll be discussing my "options" with counsel soon, believe me. ;) *** Before voting, just can't ditch my role as lash-inducing provocateur so easily. :) Two not-so-humbly submitted overlooked Best One-On-One Fight nominees for your consideration: (1) Sam vs. Gollum, on the slopes of Mt. Doom. [Potentially disqualified as being Sam vs. Gollum vs. Frodo, but Frodo's not in there for too long, really, before bolting. I say: include it. Helluva knock-down drag-out.] (2) Now, this one I INSIST be included, whip me all you like! GOLLUM vs. FRODO in the Sammath Naur, and yes this includes before and after finger-removal. The absence of The Smackdown At The End Of All Things in this category is a TRAVESTY! ["You're out of order, mister!"] I'M out of order! YOU'RE out of order! This whole damn SYSTEM is out of order! ["I don't wanna have to use this again!" (warning >THWACK<)] Attica! Attica! ATT-I-CA! ATT-I-CA! [*sigh* "Okay, just put the hose on him. This is obviously caffeine-induced."] The whole world is watching! The whole world is watching! The whole world is wa--PFSHSFHSFHHSFHSRGLBURGLGLUB ["Move along, folx, nothing to see here, show's over, move along..."] *spit* *cough* Whoa, thanks. I swear, tomorrow I stop at three cups. *** Go Terps! Go Wake! And today's Upset Special: GO AIR FORCE!
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These kinds of awards are simply not meant to be objective judgments. You
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So, just to make it interesting, how
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Gollum to Gandalf
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Elaine pointedly said NOT to vote yet. I think I'll be taking cover til this whole thing blows over. *** But first, I need clarification. Most Spectacular Way to Die. So, that means if I was going to die, how would I want to go? For example, the orcs getting their heads squished by stomping ents is likely to be noone's idea of a spectacular death from the point of view of the dying orc - but from an ents point of view, it is a most spectacular way of dealing out death. Same with some of the other examples, like the sword-in-the-face WK - not spectacular for HIM maybe, but for Eowyn and myself, we thought it splendidly spectacular. Therefore, please clarify.
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FAVORITE FRODO NEAR DEATH SCENE is easy; the cliff hang at the end. That LOOK he gives Sam, when you know he's thinking how easy it would be to let go... *snif* However, BEST ONE ON ONE FIGHT is much harder. After much soul searching, I have to go with the iconoclasts and pick Frodo and Gollum at Sammath Naur. It's viscious. It's dirty. It's knock down drag out. It's not about survival, but pure naked focussed hunger for the Precious. I LOVE how all concern for the larger issues and the doom of the world are completely gone for the characters (ie, Frodo, 'cause Gollum never really cared), even as we are reminded of them with the previous quick flash to the army of the west getting overwhelmed.... Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What am I going to do with nominations for MOST SPECTACULAR WAY TO DIE?
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Hokay. I'm torn with the SPECTACULAR DEATH category. I have favorite death scenes, but they aren't particularly spectacular. Those are (in order) Theoden, and Boromir. So those are 2 nominees. For SPECTACULAR however, I must go with (again, in order) Gandalf and the Balrog. I put Gandalf first, because he dies after winning! One more nominee? Ooooh, this is sooooo hard.... HEY WAITAMINNET! Most spectacular death scene (please place this as my top nomination) is SAURON! Yeah, that guy! Hell's Bells! Mordor essentially implodes when he goes out! I know folks don't like the way the Eye frantically looks around in the last moments, but the crumble then explosion of the tower, and the way the ground eats away and all the buildings fall in, and how the Mordor army flees, and the happy faces that all turn to shock as Orodruin EXPLODES! *ahem* Yes, I think I'll go with Sauron.
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and I didn't even interpret the instructions properly. My 3 nominees for MOST SPECTACULAR WAY TO DIE are 1) Sauron; 2) Gandalf; 3) Balrog. *whew!* Y'know, this is another category that will probably have new additions after the EE, what with Saruman, Wormtongue, and Gothmog....
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So is there going to be another category for best OVERALL death scene? My favorite death scene is definitely Boromir's, but I wouldn't say it is all that spectacuar, just amazingly heroic. For MOST SPECTACULAR DEATH SCENE I would say 3 POINTS to THE FALL OF SAURON, because, I mean, come on. Doesn't get much more spectacular than that. 2 POINTS would go to DENETHOR'S FIERY PLUNGE, since it is unarguably a spectacle. Very dramatic and visible. It seems to have been designed with the phrase "spectacular death" in mind. 1 POINT I would give to GOLLUM'S LAVA-Y PLUNGE, since it is arguably the climax of the entire work, but not quite as spectacuar in its own right as Denethor's jump, in my mind. I wouldn't vote for Gandalf or the Balrog, since their fall together is only the beginning of their battle and the actual death scene occurs up on the mountain peak. Though that is pretty spectacular too, with the lightning and all when he smites the Balrog. ** For FRODO "DEATH" SCENES, I would vote for SHELOB'S STING. I like the foaming at the mouth and subsequent mummification. And let's not forget, dude, let NOT forget... the ultra-creepy silently stalking Shelob scene leading up to the sting (go alliteration!).** For BEST ONE ON ONE FIGHT SCENE, I come back to the GANDALF VS BALROG GRUDGE MATCH. Maia against Maia in a battle royale! Flame of Anor against Flame of Udun! It is a long and spectacular battle between two god types, and it spans two movies! For me, it's the clear winner in this category.
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INGOLD: You're right. Pallando and Mort are in great trouble, but not because of premature voting or anything of the sort (if I had to punish Mort every time he, er, did something prematurely, I'd never get any sleep!), but because they cast three votes in the first two categories when I specifically said only to do so in the third category. Tell me, lads, is my writing style really THAT convoluted? Surely it isn't THAT hard to make sense of what I'm saying? Sabster, Djinnj and TV's Frank seemed to understand the instructions well enough. However, contrary to what you were probably expecting (and secretly hoping...?) when you pretended not to be able to read, I'm not going to smack your bottoms today, as I like my Blue Wizards blue rather than black and blue with bloody welts, and Walrus hides are much nicer and smoother without all that scar tissue. Let's face it, there's little fun in opening wounds that have only barely begun to heal, isn't there? But the next time you disobey me... Hell, yes, baby. There'll be whippings. **** Now, as for your requests, comments and complaints... **** Yes, BEAN, we'll vote in "normal" Oscar categories later, when *I* feel like it. Not before that time. And I'd advise you not to put any pressure on me. Rune won't like it if you come home bleeding all over the place. :-) **** MOST SPECTACULAR WAY TO DIE, dear INGOLD et. al., means exactly that. Spectacular. For us. Also, presumably, for the victims, but since they don't live to tell the tale, we needn't be concerned with them for the moment. So, yeah, let's save the favourite death scenes for later and stick to the really SPECTACULAR ones for the moment. The ones that make you go "YES!" and "Aaaaaah!" and "Ouch!!!", and not because I happen to be around. And yes, you're allowed to vote for Sauron in that category. I can't believe I forgot about him. Must have something to do with the fact that Jackson never showed us his dead and mutilated body. Trust me, I would definitely have remembered Sauron's mutilated body. But I guess the Dark Lord didn't have a body, eh? (Hmmm. Flogging a spirit. Now THERE's a challenge.) **** I also bow before the pressure concerning Gollum and Frodo at Sammath Naur. Yes, that one-on-one fight is eligible, too, and will take the place of the Smeagol-versus-Deagol fight. Ahem. I KNEW I was forgetting something when I compiled that list. Oh, well. That's what you get when you keep fantasising about Australian demi-gods with spray-on tans, isn't it? (Sorry, CONAN, I haven't yet come up with a way to punish you without ruining your chances of earning your livelihood as a Chippendale, but when I do, you'll be the first to know. Oh yes, you'll be summoned to the Lashers' Lounge yet!) ***** Speaking of which... MORGOTH, is there any chance we could call the Lashers' Lounge "Lasher's Lounge" instead? I mean, it's pretty obvious Club Angband is only going to have ONE lasher. There's only one Mistress of the Whips, and she does not share power. :-) **** SABSTER: "Zwergenpost"? Heh. That could have been a Dutch mistake. Although we would obviously have said "dwergenpost". :-) **** INGOLD: What's this "Eowyn-and-myself,-we..." nonsense? Leave that to my Faramir, will you? I mean, it's bad enough that he goes on saying, "Eowyn and I" and "We" and that sort of thing all the time, but at least I get to flog him for it, which is fun (if a bit exhausting at times). If I have to thwack you, too, for every time you say "Eowyn and I", I'll never get any sleep. I mean, I'm quite busy enough keeping Mort, Pallando, Conan and Irritable in check, thank you very much.
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BEST ONE-ON-ONE FIGHT: I vote for Sam versus Shelob, because the scene is exciting as hell, you really feel Sam's despair and I absolutely LOVE the music that plays over the ending of the fight. In fact, at this stage, my main regret with "The Return of the King" is not that the Houses of Healing aren't in it or that Eowyn doesn't wear a dress during her fight with the Witch-King (...), but that the music isn't a bit louder during the final stages of the Sam-versus-Shelob battle. I would have loved to really revel in that music, rather than hearing it in the background. **** BEST FRODO NEAR-DEATH: I'm going for Weathertop, not so much because of the actual Weathertop scene but because of everything that follows it, which Mort has described so beautifully that I don't have to do it again. Cheers, Mort. I couldn't have put it any better. **** MOST SPECTACULAR WAY TO DIE: I would have said Sauron, who does indeed perish rather grandly, but unfortunately the scene looks so CGI-ish that I'll have to go for something more realistic. Sadly, my obsession with realism (or at least with realistic-looking deaths) also rules out Denethor, who would have been my second choice. So ultimately, my choices are (1) Theoden, because it's hard to beat a head-on collision with a Fell Beast; (2) Lurtz, because he definitely shows some character when he pulls that sword deeper inside of him, and (3) The Gondorians, because being scooped up by a Fell Beast and dropped from a great height must be, like, real scary, yo. You definitely get to see your own impending doom that way. **** MORTSLEAM: Contrary to what you might surmise from the above, I completely agree on Boromir's death scene, which is definitely one of the highlights of the trilogy. The way Sean Bean says "I would have followed you, my brother, my captain, my king" and the look in Aragorn's eyes when he puts on Boromir's gauntlets break my heart every time I see them. However, I do think that, technically, there are more spectacular deaths in the films, which is why I'm not voting for Boromir in this category. **** I also agree that Haldir's death perfectly captures the sacrifice of the Elves (which for me is one of the best things Jackson et. al. added to the story), but that doesn't mean I like the Haldir close-ups. In my eyes, they're so overdone they're downright corny. But yeah, I fully applaud Jackson's decision to show the sacrifice of the Elves, and I would have missed the Haldir shots if they hadn't been there.
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Premature who-what? Hey, Sauraine, I said it never happened before! I swear! Hmph. It
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If I do, it's only because slippery customers like yourself keep undermining my authority and complicating the voting process by adding nominations and splitting up existing nominations. Who ever heard of SPLITTING nominations? It's not going to happen, dearest Walrus. What with Frodo and Gollum at Sammath Naur replacing Smeagol and Deagol and the Arwen scene at the Ford counting as part of the Weathertop near-death scene, both the BEST FRODO NEAR-DEATH SCENE and the BEST ONE-ON-ONE FIGHT categories have five entries, which means direct voting, which means one vote per person. Get it? Yes? All right then. I won't raise my voice at you anymore. Just my whip. :-) **** If your alternative election ever comes into being, I vote for the Wallies. To be sure, it's not nearly as classy-sounding a name as the Elanors, or even the Sauraines, but it has a funny ring to it. Yeah, make it the Wallies. **** I know you said it had never happened before, but the problem is, it HAD! You also prematurely, er, hit a "send" button last week. So you see I have every right to complain, don't I...?
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If I do, it's only because slippery customers like yourself keep undermining my authority and complicating the voting process by adding nominations and splitting up existing nominations. Who ever heard of SPLITTING nominations? It's not going to happen, dearest Walrus. What with Frodo and Gollum at Sammath Naur replacing Smeagol and Deagol and the Arwen scene at the Ford counting as part of the Weathertop near-death scene, both the BEST FRODO NEAR-DEATH SCENE and the BEST ONE-ON-ONE FIGHT categories have five entries, which means direct voting, which means one vote per person. Get it? Yes? All right then. I won't raise my voice at you anymore. Just my whip. :-) **** If your alternative election ever comes into being, I vote for the Wallies. To be sure, it's not nearly as classy-sounding a name as the Elanors, or even the Sauraines, but it has a funny ring to it. Yeah, make it the Wallies. **** I know you said it had never happened before, but the problem is, it HAD! You also prematurely, er, hit a "send" button last week. So you see I have every right to complain, don't I...?
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Are you sure there isn't a Ring of Power encased inside that Whip of yours, Mistress? As me da said once in Ithilien, "Do you know who you sound like? You have to fight it, Mr. Frodo". Course, he got yelled at, right afterwards for saying so, so, um, nevermind. 8~)***On to the voting. Glad to know there will be "regular" categories, too, as our dear bean suggested. And thanks Mortsleam for summarizing my thoughts on "best death" vs "most spectacular death". Boromir's heroic and tragic passing is one of the top best moments in the films but more poignant than spectacular. Therefore: Best One On One Fight: Gandalf/Balrog for its length and breadth and inspired invention, all adding up to audacious, unparalleled cinematic brilliance. (Can't help but add a plug for Frodo/Gollum at the Sammath Naur, which was rightfully pointed out as a worthy nominee)***Best Near Death of Frodo: Frodo at the Ford (aka Weathertop) for his pale, translucent skin, heartwrenchingly
squeaky breathing, his twisted distress at seeing his nine new "friends" swept away (see note below) before him, as well as Arwen's lovely tears, prayer and maternal embrace.***For Most Spectacular Death: I vote 3 points for Sauron's demise in ROTK (as opposed to Prologue, which should also be a contender)
2 points for Comet Denethor, and 1 point for Gollum into the Lava.
***Note: (see above) I wish to add another contender for MSD: The Drowning of the Nine at the Ford.***Hey Rune, me dear, check your e-mail. -
Yes, the drowning of the Nine would make a good addition to the Most Spectacular Death category, although strictly speaking it is of course the drowning of the horses rather than that of the Nine. I'm not sure horses are eligible in this category (we might have to reserve another category for Most Spectacular Horse Demise!), but even so, I think I might be tempted to vote for the Ford scene. So, yeah, let's add it to the list. By all means. **** As for your other point, about the worrying effect that MorGoth's evil whip seems to have on me, I promise I will spend a considerable part of this weekend analysing the whys and wherefores of my Descent into Evil, to see if it can still be reversed. If I do come to the conclusion that the whole Evil Mistress/Scourge of the Tailend thing is getting a bit old and that this election is supposed to be run in a friendly, companionable way, in which the Originator of the Idea and the Mistress of Ceremonies together evaluate the categories and the submissions (which is entirely possible!), I'll let you know on Monday, when the nominations for Most Spectacular Death are due. OK? In the meantime, I wish you all a great weekend. May it be calm and pleasantly whipfree! :-)
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Mar 20, 2004 10:49:38 AM CST
Let fly your WHip of Hell Mistress Elaine! Pay no heed to the Ho
by morgoth
You have risen in might and should stay there! The Hobbit speaks false, do NOT listen to her (it
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Oops! Didn't mean to be perceived as a party pooper, Mistress Elaine, nor to rain on the whip-tash parade. That was a poor attempt at hobbit humor. In truth, I was enjoying it, too. I suppose I'd better resign myself to remaining handmaid for Queen Arwen and give up my dreams of Open-mike night at the Osgilath Dome.***Good suggestion, morG! See you on #17181.
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What were you thinking? If I appeal to the girl
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... where I will indeed post a clear and easy-to-follow summary of this week's voting rules, for those either too unlucky to catch them earlier or too busy to wade through the endless stream of words above.
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... LAST? And first too, it seems. The glory, the glory...
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... no.
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Why do you keep haunting me? Isn't one near-victory enough for you? Will you not grant me a single LAST?
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You stole a last on my motherfucking birthday, Elaine? That's just mean.
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