Ya know.... some days my life is just cool. Not everyday, but some days it just all works.


And what is great is that in the course of telling you this day, you can hear my reviews for


THE POSTMAN and BATMAN: SUBZERO, you can go Christmas shopping with me


and Robert Rodriguez, and you can stay up till 2 in the morning watching trailers and


packing away Guinness Stout and Coca Cola with Tarantino and Linklater. Oh, and I got


cool stuff in the mail too. So here I go, this is one hell of a lengthy review/day of


adventures, so sit back relax and use your scroll key, cause this was a 24 hour blast.

It started off Monday morning at about 0700 hours (cst), the phone rang and it was


Detroit Radio, they wanted to do a quick interview live to those eager traffic trapped


people in MOTOWN!!!! First of all, the experience of actually waking up Motown and


substituting the Supremes on the AM dial. (except I think I was on FM) And one of the


two people was a cute girl voice, which is always nice in your ear in the morning... Too


bad that dude kept talking, it really messed with my fantasy.

So I rolled over and went back to sleep. Ahhhhh, the life of a geek! The hours rolled by


as often as I did in my half/bunk bed. I was in the throngs of a Tito and the Tarantula


dream inspired by the previous nights rocking with Tito at the local Continental Club.


Maaaaaan, seeing Sandra Bullock caught up in the throngs of Tito's swimming pool of


sound can only be expressed with a pool of drool. WOW... Gargle gargle. The dream


was going well, I was in an Aztec temple dancing with cadaverous feather-armored aztecs


and doing Harry's own verson of Thriller with Tito playing and singing in the background.


When a strange ringing in my ears began.

Ask not for who the phone rings, it rings for me. It was Robert. He was awake and


wanted to go Christmas Shopping with me, and exchange mutual items of coolness. So he


said he was leaving his underground Mayan temple and was en route to get me. I finally


peeled my eyes open for the first time all morning and instinctively looked at the clock on


the wall which read 8:43 with the second hand going forward and back... forward and


back. Oh yeah, that's broken.

I began looking around for clothes, ya see the French had been over the day before to do a


segment on me for Canal 1, and I had to hide all my clothes which USUALLY hang off of


everything in my room. But that just isn't the slovenly image I want to project to the land


of fine wine and better cheese.

By the time my mind was functioning on all two cylinders and I was able to stand


wobbling only a little, I began gathering up Robert's coolness, but I discovered that Dad


had already done that. Art books, CD, a script. My work was done, so feeling like I had


nothing to do, I stumbled back into my cave and turned on my laptop to stare at the cool


swirly screensaver. I like this screensaver it ... swirls. Hey, it's cool.

Robert arrives, I hear him enter the house, you can tell it's him by the, "he heh he he


heeeeeey guy!!!!!" He turns the corner into my room and HOLY SHIT!!!!! He has a full


size bust of CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. My bed wets as drool escapes


my ears. This is soooooooooooooo cool. It is lifesize, and the detail is PERFECT.


Already I could see myself doing the flat black, followed by hours of blissful dry brushing,


buuuuut noooooooo. Robert says, "Yeah a friend of mine sent me this, I can't wait to


paint it." Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Kill him kill him, I think, He's in my


house, I could say it was a burglar, yeaaaaaaah. It'll be an accident. My Admiral Ackbar


12 inch doll will magicly pierce his chest and I'll have my precious.... come to me my


precious.....

He hands it to me. Oh the torture. The agony, the angst. This the sweetest sculpture


ever created, It belongs in a museum. Have I ever told yall that some people think my


house should be a museum, it should be. And ... pathetic ain't I?

We leave my room, and I show him the plethora of goodies I have assembled for him. He


is pleased. The master is pleased. He is very pleased. But does he forget and leave the


Creature head in my house before leaving? Noooooooooooooooooo. (it's called spoiled


people and it's all Glen's fault)

So we enter the Chariot del Rodriguez and basically begin roaming Austin, looking for


cool stuff for the ones we love. First stop was ARMADILLO CHRISTMAS BAZAAR.


Now for you people out there that don't know my whole story. (life de knowles) I was


once an artist, as my father before me. I have had pieces on exhibit in Beijeng, Mexico


City and many other cool locales. I did bronze, leather and a whole lot of key chains.


You see art is a worthy endeavor, but KEY CHAINS puts Star Wars figures in my life as


a child. Anyway this is going somewhere. You see at the ARMADILLO are several


artisans that I grew up selling opposite and besides. So as Robert and I wandered about


perusing everything from juggling balls made by Mr String himself, to weird cooler than


Fraggles, creatures by a guy who is just cool personified. We met Hans the german


leather worker, Cathy the jeweler and many others. Robert was recognized once, and


well, these were my people, they knew me before I became a whale with legs, and


remember when I could climb a tree without breaking branches.

I didn't find anything for Dad, the masks from other cultures were not unique enough for


his collection, the sculptures didn't speak Dad to me, and well he doesn't juggle. Robert,


however did score. But damn if I'll tell you.

From here we left for a beacon to cool people.... ATOMIC CITY!!!! Now there are few


places on earth that are as cool as this place. He sells Doc Marten boots, Betty Boop


Stuff, Felix the Cat stuff, Japanese Anime stuff and .... ROBOTS. One of my father's


prime collecting interest. So we (Robert and I) were at home. Cool stuff to touch, play


with, imagine as being 50 feet tall stomping on scampering people. heh heh heh. Cooool.


I found a couple of what I call "Hot Water Heater Robots" for Dad, and a toy of MR


NATURAL that coool R.Crumb character whom my Dad resembles and loves. I already


had scored Dad many other items of coolness, and was set to completely dazzle him with.


Robert and I hauled our loot back to the chariot, and were fully prepared for any would be


Masalas that would try to take our stuff away!!!

Robert and I began hearing rumbings from beneath our collective chins. We knew how to


take care of this problem. So we drove to the nearest "stuff our face place" and shoved


quarters in the stagnant quarter eating robot. "NINFA's" was the name of the food


stuffing locale. We hit our tables and the waiter instantly began throwing options at us.


We wanted an appetizer, the waiter conned us into two. Yummmmmmmmmmmm. We


ate, my belly was stuffed, and we shared mutual coolness. I can say that my contribution


to the coolness was some books by legendary cool sci-fi artist Wayne Barlowe, about alien


lifeforms. It is a very cool book.

From our eating window we could see the shop known as ADVENTURES IN CRIME


AND SPACE. After the meal we go over and peruse the old ACE Doubles and Science


Fiction galore. What a great store. Robert finds a couple of items here, and then it is time


to go.

I had to join my fellow Line People in a miserable line of dread awaiting THE


POSTMAN. You see due to the woooooooonderful ad campaign for THE POSTMAN,


the Line People were not all that hot for the film. There was a vague hope, there was a


rumor that someone somewhere liked it. I had so many reports of cheese, of corniness, of


doom. In all that time there was but one report from the screening process that it was


good. One amongst 30 at least. It was very odd indeed. I had printed it, I believe that


one person's opinion was every bit as legitimate as the others.

So we were, there in line, bemoaning our lot in life. We went in like cattle to the


slaughter, awaiting the bolt gun that Ed Neil talked about in a van in Texas Chainsaw


Massacre. We were surely doomed.

I sat in my chair, barely flinching while the theater filled. I knew doom was coming. The


radio dude got up on the stage before the screen and read a letter from KEVIN


COSTNER to the audience. It talked about ignoring all the negativity that the press has


spewed about him, the scoffing at the trailer, to judge the film for what it was. It was read


by a goofy radio voice that sounded a bit like Leo Gorcey. The audience giggled at it, it


was the sound of 400 or so people that wanted to watch a movie, not be preached at by a


bad orator.

Then the film began....

THE POSTMAN

I don't particularly care for Kevin Costner, in fact there is an angry part of me that does


not wish to give Costner a fair chance with this film. Why? He once made a movie called


Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves, in the publicity for that film, he belittled a film called THE


ADVENTURES OF ROBIN HOOD starring Errol Flynn. This happens to be my favorite


film. My mostest fave film of all time, made fun of by a second rate Robin Hood


wannabe. I swore an oath to hate Costner for making fun of my favorite film.

However, the fair side of me wants every film that falls before my eyes to be good. So it


was that I watched Wyatt Earp (a flawed film) Waterworld (a very flawed film) Tin Cup


(not my kind of film) and now The Postman (a good film).

WHAT!!!!!?????? How could I say such a thing? How could I come to like this... this...


COSTNER FILM??? A film by an actor I don't like. Well because at one point in his life


he made THE UNTOUCHABLES, FIELD OF DREAMS, DANCES WITH WOLVES


and JFK. Now THE POSTMAN isn't as good as those films. As a matter of my opinion


it isn't even in the same class of film. Those are the Costner "A" films. This is my fave in


the Costner "B" films. That second tier of his work.

Why did the test screenings come across so negatively? Well, because this film deals with


a love for the basic fundamentals at the core of the United States. What it is to be a


citizen here. The ideals. This was a movie made for a time when every school day began


with "I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG..." That day is no more. People don't


cross their hearts when they see a flag raised, and they don't get wispy when they see a


cub scout. Instead they see the flag and they think of fat cat politicians that no longer


embody those ideals we once held precious and when they see a cub scout they remember


the reports of the Scout Leader who molested his scouts.

Holy Crap Harry, you are getting pretty deep here.

Well, you see I do cross my heart when a Flag is raised, I get a bit pissed when I see one


fly over a car dealership. I am an Eagle Scout and always shall be. There is a patriotism


that lies deep in me, past a cynical exterior. I know how to fold the flag so the red does


not show, I know how to sew patches on my shoulders. And I know what it is to be the


only one amongst many that feels that way. As a result, I will be among the few that like


THE POSTMAN.

This film is not... significant, but rather a good film, like ALEXANDER THE GREAT


with Richard Burton or FALL OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE. These were films that


aspired to be great, that welll.... weren't. However, I do find myself watching them.


Guilty pleasures. The films behind the films on the cabinet. The ones hidden from the


eyes of all save your own.

I know I haven't talked about the film or it's plot, but let me say that if you give this film a


chance. If you once respected the flag. If you went to Washington D C and weeped a bit


when looking upon those grand memorials. Imagine all that gone. If it were all something


of the past. If every simple thing that our Constitution grants us, if the Declaration of


Independence was nothing more than ash, and out of that came a rumor.. Just a saying


that maybe all of that was coming back, and it was all embodied by that lowest


government position... the postman. I allowed it to. I am "positive" my opinion on this


film will be a minority, but dammit that's why I'm an honest reviewer, I'm not about the


masses, I'm about what I think, and I respect your thoughts as well. This is only my


opinion. Go and judge for yourself. That's what I say. But be prepared, it is 3 hours plus.


It is a sitting, and personally I recommend spending 3 hours on a ship somewhere in the


North Atlantic, but if you find that you can't book passage, think about giving this a


chance. You may hate me for it, or you may say, "Hey, that didn't suck!"

You may meet a kid named Ford Lincoln Mercury, who stole the film for me, and


embodied the young innocent me, for me. You may giggle a bit at Tom Petty, which was


the most ill advised part of the film. And I can say that Will Patton was pretty damn cool


in this movie. And you'll howl at the appearance of Julie Andrews and John Wayne and


Dolph Ludgren being in the same film. I know I did, but dammit, this was a screwed up


world these people live in, and the concept of only three films surviving and them being


those three, kinda strikes fear in my heart.

God I can't believe I have written a positive review of THE POSTMAN. I've been


looking forward to writing bad things about it for sooooo long, and now that I find myself


saying good things, I feel better. I'm glad I liked it, because quite frankly the world needs


less Waterworlds, I can stand a few Postmen.

(Negative side: Costner did soften the film quite a bit from the script. Not nearly the


amount of carnage to likable characters as there once was. To me it looks like Costner is


trying to turn himself into Gary Cooper, which isn't a bad role for him. But he has yet to


make anything really close to Cooper's best, but... I hope he does, I'll give him that


chance.)

This film will die, not because of negative buzz, but because of an AWFUL AD


CAMPAIGN. Emphasizing the fact that it was a post-apocalyptic mail carrier was not the


selling point. It was the heart. An ad campaign where you show all the symbols of our


country with a narration describing them as all being gone. Everything we have wiped


out. Even NO INTERNET!!! Then have the narration talk about the last symbol of what


we once were, the last representation of our great nation... and show the dead skeletal


corpse of the postal carrier, and Costner leaning against the door of the long derelict


postal truck, cowering from the cold. Instead they tried to make it look like an action film


called THE POSTMAN. It isn't. It's a film of ideals, whether the character played by


Costner first knows it or not. This film should have been made a long time ago and


starring Gregory Peck or Kirk Douglas, but now we have only Costner for the part, it is


appropriately lacking, but there is enough there for me to enjoy, I hope the same can be


said for you.

END OF POSTMAN REVIEW

Now I returned home, a bit stunned that I wasn't laughing at a pitiful movie. No, no I


returned happy for seeing another film to add to my tally of enjoyable hours in a theater


this year. I began calling my friends to tell them of this SHOCKING news. I began


checking email, after about an hour at home, I finally read an email from Tarantino inviting


me and my Dad to the ALAMO DRAFT HOUSE for something.... unknown. I was


suppose to be there by 2300 hours (cst) and it was 2345 hours (cst). I was on the phone


to RoboGeek as I read this.

I screamed out to Dad, "Put on your shoes, we're leaving!!!" I put my shirt back on, and


put on my shoes, and Dad and I were on the road in under a minute. We hit nothing but


Green Lights on the way down. We had no idea if Quentin was there, or if it were a


prank, but hell, a drive to the Draft House can never be bad. And if the fates had removed


all stops between here and there, then something cool was afoot.

As we enter the Draft House we begin to hear what I recognize as the start of the trailer


for ROLLING THUNDER. Ahhhhh, methinks I understand, I thought. As we reach the


pinnacle of the stairs, a Draft House cool person welcomes us and asks if Dad and I would


like a refreshment to wash down our entertainment. We ask for Cokes.

Elizabeth Peters ( the super hard worker in charge of the film society) directs us to where


Quentin sits inside. We take our seats as Tommy Lee Jones agrees to hunt down the


bastards. Quentin is excited beyond all belief. You can tell that he is ecstatic about seeing


this trailer. By the end of the night we have seen original trailers for SHOCK


CORRIDOR, FROM THE BEYOND, BUG, SHAFT and FOXES. Quentin tried as hard


as he could to name all the films before the title was on screen. Only FROM THE


BEYOND beat him. Of course the trailer was in Spanish and didn't have John Carridine's


voice narrating as Quentin says the American version has.

We talked about how much we all loved TITANIC. Linklater, Tarantino and I went on


and on about how much we love it. Linklater felt it was in the tradition of BIRTH OF A


NATION, KING KONG, GONE WITH THE WIND... Films that used technological


advances to weave a cinematic tapestry we have never seen before. Quentin agreed but


added it was like Apocalypse Now. At first both Rick and I didn't get it, but even in


Quentin's intoxicated state he made his point succinctly. He said, "Apocalypse Now was


the last film were a director put his balls on the line and came through with a great film"


We then all began seeing it. Apocalypse Now was fighting an onslaught of negative press


about actor's egos, director's egos, studio egos, budgets, injuries, and missing it's release


date due to something noone would say. It was also a film that cost... soooo much


money. However, in the end we had something truly spectacular. That rare film that a


filmmaker managed to make against all odds. And it actually worked.

Tim (owner of the Draft House) was like a kid with fellow kids in his clubhouse, and he


was showing us his coolest action figures and that Playboy Mag he got from his brother's


mattress. He had a grin on his face, that was mirrored on all.

In the lobby afterwards we had one film society fellow (I will give him anonymity) tried to


make a point that the film TITANIC was a condemnation of the rich, while at the same


time spending $200 million, and building a studio in Mexico to exploit cheap labor. I then


joined with Quentin and Rick and Louis Black (Chronicle Editor) to debate for Cameron


and Titanic. It was really remarkable. And I have to admit being proud of ol Quentin and


Rick, two noted independent filmmakers supporting Titanic, the symbol of big budget


filmmaking, and not condemning it at face value. Instead they judged the film for what it


is in their eyes... a classic.

When I got back home I intended on writing this all up, but a local... person. I didn't


know who till the next day when they arrived at my house to collect what they had left for


me. It was what is called a "screener's copy" of BATMAN: SUB-ZERO. There was a


note for me to leave it on the car battery beside my bush in the morning for retrieval.


WHAT!!!! I only had one short night with it? This sucks!!! My house is not set up for


recording or duping tapes so... I had to watch it that night, or let go of the opportunity.


So I watched BATMAN: SUB-ZERO.

BATMAN: SUB-ZERO

You know life sucks. I mean here we have what it should be. What a Batman film can be.


And those in charge of Warner Brothers can't even recognize the greatness they have


working for them. Case in point... BATMAN: SUB-ZERO. This is the second Batman


animated feature, meant to go straight to video. However, it is superior to all live action


feature films in every possible way. It has an endearing story, with a complex super-


villian. It has action and dynamics like we have never seen in a Batman Feature. AND


EVERYTHING DONE HERE COULD BE DONE IN LIVE ACTION!!!

This film makes ROBIN cool for crissakes. You know how hard that is? Robin by nature


is a dork, and here they form him into a wonderful character. It's a fast paced story that


flies by, and makes you want to see it again. No. This was a film project with sharp


minds at every level of production. This is a vastly entertaining project. And it makes me


angry to see it done right. Why?

Well because I know that right now under the current leadership at Warners they are


cutting the budgets of the television departments: You know... the people that brought us


Babylon 5, Batman and Superman, etc... Oh yeah these people really need their budgets


cut. Uh huuuuuh. At the same time in some form of "mine's bigger than yours" Freud


problem, they refuse to listen to the people that can make the Batman and Superman


franchise's blossom.

When BATMAN SUB-ZERO comes out... watch it. You will see everything that


BATMAN AND ROBIN should of been. I heard back at the time that the reason they


were stalling this video release was because they were afraid everyone would buy this


video, that critics would praise it, and that BATMAN & ROBIN would suffer. Guess


what? They were right. When you do that ol side by side thing, you'll laugh and cry. This


Mr Freeze is brilliantly handled. His relationship and devotion to his wife laid bare. Real


danger as people are killed, not revived instantly, no DEAD (Not the bad guys). The "bad


guy" is nothing more than a man doing what he feels is right for the woman he loves


without question. He's unable to let go. He is driven to save her. Not by stealing


supercharging diamonds, but by doing REAL MEDICAL STUFF, which would spell the


death of those involved.

The score is MAGNIFICENT. It's not by Shirley Walker, it's by this... other guy. It's


better than either of Elliot Goldenthal's scores for the franchise and better than Elfman's


Batman Returns in my opinion. It has the perfect mix between style and reality. The


characters are far more... human than their flesh and blood counterparts.

Which brings me back to... WHY ON EARTH ARE THESE GUYS NOT IN CHARGE


OF THE FRANCHISE??? On the tape it says there are 14 million weekly watchers, that's


because they keep coming back for more... can you say that for the Feature Franchise? I


didn't think so.

Instead of waiting 5 years and launching a great big bloated production, get these people


in charge give them 20 million to hire talent, and 20 million for filming and watch them


make the most incredible Batman film ever made. And if you can't see why, then take a


look at what the "tv" crews are doing.

Get out of your "ewwwwww we make films mode" and enter into serious negotiations


with these guys. I bet anything that people like Dini and Timm are investigating other


avenues, you better make your move before... someone like DREAMWORKS gets them.

Man, I wish I had my own master of this film, or hell some animation from it would be


awesome. The work they are doing is incredible. I find myself falling in love with it more


and more.

The funniest bit is that Warners is trying to establish a feature animation department, but


at the same time, the franchise's that could REALLY utilize and differentiate them from


Disney, Fox, Dreamworks, etc is their SUPERHERO properties. Can you imagine what


those fellas could do with a REAL feature animation budget, and an advertising campaign


with as much money as a live action feature in place. It would succeed tremendously.


Don't use Mask Of The Phantasm as a basis, it was originally conceived as direct to video,


then expanded for feature. But it didn't come close to having a full feature animation


budget, and it had barely a 1/20th of the ad budget. It opened on very few screens and on


most of them it lasted for only a couple of weeks. The fact next to noone knew it was out


might of had something to do with it.

Well, perhaps a major shakeup in the power structure there at Warners is needed.


Something to get new people in there that can see opportunity knocking. Strange that it's


knocking, because it's already in house.

Every Batman Fan will love SUB-ZERO. Some of the CG is fakey and bad, but then so is


the plane in Casablanca and you don't see me griping about that either.