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AICN-Downunder: The House of Wax; Goddess of 1967; BigFish; Children of Tibet; Deluge; TheExtra; The Queen & I; Dynasty
Father Geek here, freezing my butt off in the Texas Hill Country, with the latest from our man Latauro, way down yonder in the land before time where evolution drew a wild card, annnnnd the seasons are all upside-down...
The grass is so green. The sky is so blue. Spectre is really great.
AICN-DOWNUNDER
AICN-DOWNUNDER
(The following has nothing to with films, Australia and New Zealand. I'm
self-indulgent, shoot me.)
Okay, I couldn't help notice there's going to be a new "CSI" show on the Tele. I mean,
let's be honest, they're only going to stop making them when they stop
rating (they'd keep going until well after they run out of cities, trust
me). And I'm excited about the concept of "CSI: New York". Why? Because I've
uncovered a secret formula. AICN-D will be the first to reveal, using simple
mathematical statistics, who the two lead actors will be.
THE LEAD ACTOR WILL BE ROY SCHEIDER
Think about it. The original "CSI" has William L. Peterson, who was big in
the 80s, but then took a nose dive. Also, one of his most notable film roles
was TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., which was directed by William Friedkin.
"Miami" has David Caruso, who was big when he was in "NYPD Blue", and then
took a nose dive. His most notable starring role was (shamed to say) JADE,
which was directed by William Friedkin.
Scheider was big a while ago, but definitely took a career nosedive
(punctuated briefly by the Talking Dolphin Action Hour). And Scheider, of
course, starred in Friedkin's WAGES OF FEAR remake, SORCERER.
THE LEAD ACTRESS WILL BE KATHLEEN YORK
Jorja Fox's first big role was in "The West Wing", playing a supporting
character (the President's daughter's Secret Service guard). She then went
on to slightly bigger fame (though noticeably worse scripts) with "CSI".
Emily Proctor's first big role was in "The West Wing", playing a supporting
character (a feisty blonde Republican lawyer). She then went on to slightly
bigger fame (though noticeably worse scripts) with "Miami".
There were a lot to choose from here. I almost went with Danica McKeller,
but if they're casting Scheider they'll want to go with someone marginally
older. Someone who could believably have UST with Scheider (although anyone
having believable UST with Roy Scheider...). So I'll have to put my tick
next to Kathleen York, whose most notable role was (arguably) her supporting
character in "West Wing", playing Toby's ex-wife Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt.
So there you have it. Tune in next week when I convince you all that Carrot
Top will be playing the captain in the new "Star Trek" spin-off "Star Fleet
Academy!".
(Oh, and one more thing: I've changed email accounts. No longer send your * You'll never guess what. Remember when we told you about the Hammer remakes? Looks like Joel Silver has We'll * Sydney, meanwhile, will play host to a telemovie about the early years of * The brilliantly funny Gerry Connolly (if you live in Australia and don't * THE EXTRA, one of the films funded by the big Macquaire Bank money splurge * Well, the Free Trade Agreement between the US and Australia got signed, The prestigious French festival recently awarded the Special Jury Prize to Australian-produced doco CHILDREN OF TIBET: THE EXILE GENERATION has been Ngila Dickson is the big name in the charts this week, with two films in the Gandhi moves in with Emma Murdoch, Gaspar Noe shoes us the ugly side of (Also: those of you in Melbourne will be lucky enough to catch a double bill I saw this a number of weeks ago, and never got around to reviewing it. No, I promised I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't do that thing I do, which is I'll start with the cast. Ewan McGregor is one of those guys you cast when Finney is predictably spot-on, and a perfectly-suited elder version of The film's style is turned up to eleven. The town that Bloom comes across in Only problem is, that's what the film is on more level than one. Okay, this is the bit where I tell you my problems with the thing: it was I've always been amazed at how someone as strange as Tim Burton can be so I haven't read the book the film is based on, but I feel that the fish we Tim Burton has made a film which is very, very good. I enjoyed it a lot, and Uh... Latauro? What the fuck? You know this film came out years ago, right? The answer is, of course, yes. But I debated whether to bother with this Firstly, because I only just saw it for the first time. Secondly, because A snake collecting Japanese man is flying to Australia to buy his dream car: The cinematography is mind-blowing - anyone who regularly and nervously It's why she reminds me so much of Terry Gilliam. Gilliam is one of the very The plot turns and the way each element is revealed should not be spoiled I've got my fingers in perpetual crossed mode in anticipation of ONE PERFECT - British distributors change the title of A's latest film to 0.74 OUNCES - Ken attributes break-up with Barbie to her on-set affair with Russell - In an effort to win back support, Michael Eisner proposes to poison the (note new email addy! note the lack of hyphen!)
fan letters, spam, or queries about the number of orcs seen in any given
shot in ROTK:EE to Downunder@aintitcoolmail.com. Please forward them all
onto AICNDownunder@hotmail.com. Cheers!)NEWS
The new wave of Hammer films? You remember...
booked the Movie World lot in Queensland to remake... You ready for this... HOUSE OF WAX. And he's
hired a Spanish TV commercial director to helm it. But my source failed to
tell me the most important piece of information: WILL IT BE IN 3-D?!?
let you know.
"Dynasty". Many Australian actors and actresses are being auditioned, but
the big question remains: is this with the original cast, or the remake that
John Travolta was vying for? With Joan Collins as part of the cast, I'd say
the former... but then, who cares? We'll probably just wake up and discover
it was all a dream, anyway...
know who he is, shame on you) will star in THE QUEEN AND I. My spy tells me
that Connolly co-wrote it with director Michael Pattison, and that it's
'very funny'. There are going to be some big cameos (and not necessarily
from actors), but names cannot be divulged yet...
program, will be the first project to use the Central City Studios, the $110
million complex that's opening in Melbourne next month. The Docklands
studios has had a lot of problems in the years it's been under construction,
but when it's finally built, it's hoped that it will be suitable competition
for Sydney and Queensland.
sealed and delivered. And though the ones who got pooch-screwed more than
anyone else were the sugar farmers, those in the film and television
industry were crying foul. Geoff Brown, executive director of the Screen
Producers Association of Australia said their quest to protect local content
felt like a defeat, and that 'we are even worse off than the can producers'.
Others in the industry are annoyed, but not as vehement, as the general
consensus seems to be that, yes, it seems like nothing too bad has happened,
but we won't really know until the rules have been tested. And when those
rules are tested, we'll let you know.AWARDS AND FESTIVALS
CLERMONT-FERRAD SHORT FILM FESTIVAL
Australian short drama DELUGE, which was directed by Flordeliz Bonifacio and
produced by Samantha Jennings.MUMBAI INTERNATIONAL FILM FESTIVAL
selected for competition in the 2004 festival. The 53-minute documentary
recounts three young Tibetan refugees' journey by foot over the Himalayas to
India.BOX OFFICE
top five. Burton's BIG FISH jumped to the top, knocking down ALONG CAME
POLLY.Here's the winners at the BO...
RELEASED THIS WEEK
rape, Kevin Costner plays a cowboy and still does a better English accent
than he did in ROBIN HOOD, Anakin furthers his fall to the dark side by
faking newspaper articles, skateboarders get put in jail, Greg Kinnear
attempts a career revival by parasiting himself onto Matt Damon (prompting a
last-minute conjoined twins-themed script rewrite), and Diane Lane gets her
groove back.Annnnnnd here are the new releases...
of A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS, and FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE - and they're both
restored prints! I'm the only person in the world for whom FOR A FEW DOLLARS
MORE is the best of the Dollars Trilogy... hope to see you a the Astor!)REVIEWS
BIG FISH
Couldn't tell you why, it's just something I delayed. I think because, for
me, this is a film that just ran a marathon and is now sitting on the ground
a couple of metres before the finish line, waving at the crowd.
focus on one or two things that bugged me and end up with an unintentionally
negative review. No, not this time.
you need someone to nail a character. I mean, the guy slays everything he
does. He can do the melodramatic scenes that Hollywood sometimes demands
without faxing it in, and yet he revels in the quirky. He's walking that
fine line between arthouse and cineplex, and his balance is awesome. He is
the man Albert Finney's Edward Bloom was, and he's the man he imagines he
was.
McGregor. He's convinced everyone around him that his stories are real, and
his reality is where he wants it. Except for his illness. And his son. The
two things that he hasn't managed to control are coming back to him at once,
and you can see the conflict in him. But it's all his eyes. Bloom is used to
being a man in control of his situation, and without ever drawing attention
to it in the film's text, it's all there. All in Finney's eyes.
the forest is scarily beautiful. Small flourishes, like an English-to-Asian
phrasebook really make the film what it is: something that sounds like it
could be possible until you squint to check out the details.
all candy. It was pretty and terrific on its surface, but dig a little
deeper and you come out the other side. There's really nothing underneath it
all, and if I were to analyse the deeper meanings and hidden subtexts, I'd
either be applying my own deeper meanings and hidden subtexts or I'd be
seeing the work of the brilliant actors (see Finney above).
mainstream, but now it's pretty obvious. Aside from the standard
people-will-see-anything-if-they-like-the-actors-enough, he goes with the
easy surprise. With the pretty picture that really doesn't mean anything. I
mean, I love his work and if we're talking about directors with an acute
visual sense, Burton would be high on the praise list. But this film feels
like it needed more. It feels like it ignored the more.
see in the film's opening had something more to it. It represented
something, or many things. And sure, the film eventually gives us the idea
that Bloom is himself the big fish, but it just leaves it dangling there. We
don't know enough about the fish for this to mean much more than anything.
Those of you who disagree may think I'm harping on about the most minute
thing I could find, but it's really a significant thing. It speaks to the
rest of the film (or it should), and is what stopped this film from reaching
its potential.
I look forward to more viewings when I eventually buy the DVD. But it
stopped short of greatness. It could have really been about something, but
instead chose to look like it.THE GODDESS OF 1967
Does it really take that long for you to right reviews?
one. I mean, there have been a number of new releases I've seen and not
reviewed (if anyone can list me the merits of reviewing CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN
on AICN, please write to the address below, or just flame away in the
talkback area), why am I reviewing this now?
director Clara Law is a director on par with Terry Gilliam, Alex Proyas, and
mid 90s-era Gus Vant Sant. This is an Australian film that came out in 2000,
and was the first big role for Rose Byrne (who will soon be seen in Wolfgang
Peterson's TROY and in the generally unnecessary US remake WICKER PARK).
a 1967 Citroen. When he gets to the house, he finds the car is in the
possession of a pretty blind girl. To buy the car from the correct owners,
she says, they must drive for five days to find him. The man goes along with
this, and on the way we get glimpses into the girl's history, and the
history of her mother.
watches Australian films knows that this is a rare thing. The end credits
told me it was shot by Dion Beebe, who recently knocked socks off with his
work on CHICAGO. But it's how Law and Beebe use these visuals that makes it
something more than a pretty picture. When they bleach-bypass the film
stock, it's not because it looked cool in ALIEN RESURRECTION. There's a
reason for it. When the characters are driving through the city, the
background isn't rear-projected to cut costs. The more you watch this film,
the more the layers reveal themselves.
few directors out there who has something interesting going on at *every
level*. Whereas Burton resides on the surface (and does it - mostly - with
such artistry that it's hard to criticise), Gilliam ensures that every frame
position, every morsel of colour, every prop and set means something. They
always look nice, but there's always something else going on. Clara Law is
on the same level as Gilliam, and it's shocking that she's not made a film
since.
for the uninitiated, which is why I've given you so little to go on. But
still, why? Why have I bothered to write a review for a film you can get
down the local video store? Because most Australians will not have seen it.
More will have seen SCARY MOVIE 2 than GODDESS, because Hollywood rules our
multiplexes. Also, a large percentage of you aren't even Australian. You
won't have had it released anywhere near you, and that's why you've got to
hunt it down. Trust me on this one. Make this film the SYMPATHY FOR MR
VENGEANCE you absolutely had to track down, the film you can't see at the
local cinema or hire at the local Blockbuster and so have to put some effort
in finding and take a chance on.
DAY, hoping that it will help weigh down the plus column under 'Local'. As
someone who wants so desperately to promote the local industry and yet
hardly ever sees a film worthy of excess praise, I'm hopping from
foot-to-foot as the days to ONE's release tick off. And all the while, THE
GODDESS OF 1967 was sitting on a shelf. Soon, it'll be on mine, and (I hope)
on yours.NEXT WEEK
Crowe
world's drinking water as part of a big new marketing campaignPeace out,
Latauro
AICNDownunder@hotmail.com
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+ Expand All
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Yes, yes you are.
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I'm having a good day.
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Feb 13, 2004 11:35:09 PM CST
Finally, that Dreamers ad is gone...and now houses Brittany Dani
by cranialleak
Now what was this article about?
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So I suppose he's going to running that tired Queen Elizabeth impersonation into the ground with this new movie. On the same topic, here's a list of shitty Aussie comics who have NEVER been funny: Greg Fleet, Richard Stubbs, Peter Rowsthorn, Dave O'Neil, Nick Gianoppolis, Steve Vizard, Mickey Robbins and anybody from FULL FRONTAL who wasn't Eric Bana or Shaun Micallef.
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Okay, I've spotted a couple of errors in skimming over it, but there's one that is irking the hell out of me and I absolutely can't take it any more: I said "right" instead of "write". I know, who cares, right? I do. Nothing drives me crazier than bad spelling and grammar. Except when I'm the one getting it wrong. I was tired when I wrote it, okay? I'm sorry. Forgive me. Okay, I'm done.
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Perhaps AICN's snoops in OZ could do more snooping on this eagerly awaited mini-series.
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These AICN Downunder reports are so funny, it's a pleasure to read them each week (even if I don't get any real information by reading them).
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Feb 14, 2004 6:50:16 PM CST
Look how many times this fucker uses the adjective "BIG"
by punchmyvagina
Entry: big
Function: adjective
Definition: large
Synonyms: ample, awash, barn door, brimming, bulky, bull, burly, capacious, chock-full, colossal, commodious, considerable, copious, crowded, enormous, extensive, fat, full, gigantic, heavy duty, heavyweight, hefty, huge, hulking, humungous, husky, immense, jumbo, king sized, mammoth, massive, monster, mungo, oversize, packed, ponderous, prodigious, roomy, sizable, spacious, strapping, stuffed, substantial, super colossal, thundering, vast, voluminous, walloping, whopper, whopping
Antonyms: little, pint-sized, small, tiny
Concept: size (large)
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Feb 15, 2004 1:47:41 AM CST
I want that blonde chick from Club Dread. I want her naked and b
by exit272
I know this has nothing to do with the article, but neither does anything else in this TalkBack so I figured what the hell.
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'one perfect day' is a melodramatic piece of shit, utterly humourless and pretentious. the movie and its characters all take themselves WAY too seriously, the dance-club footage looks like a shamen video circa 1991, kerry "my looks have gone, so now i'm getting spiritual in a desperate bid to remain relevant" armstrong is in it, its attempts to be with-it are fucking laughable and its 'reefer madness'/"drugs are bad, mmmkay?" take on E's and whizz sucks the monkey (and not in a good way). stop trying to talk up aussie product, latauro. we're fucking shithouse. new zealand kicks our arses.
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Someone broke the side scrolling. ... It's really annoying
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...the British cinema industry sucks balls as well: great actors, great writers, great directors, apparantly the best technical crews in the world, but they all fuck off to america or the theatre. Actual British films are almost exclusively balls. can you believe they've just released ANOTHER mockney gangster film? this one's called 'Charlie'. Australian cinema will toddle along just like most other non-american countries' cinema and a really excellent film will pop up every few years or so. As for 'Big Fish': absolutely agree with you about the lack of meaning, but i don't think burton (or anyone else) dropped the ball. it just seemed to me that the terribly simplistic and bloody obvious revelation that 'its not so bad to tell stories, really' was the big life lesson the story was really trying teach. its just that hollywood film grammar always leads to the big reveal/twist/lesson in the final reel with the big symphonic music and grand visuals. this film's theme (lighten up yuppie boy; have some fun!) is really very small (though quite sweet and good natured), so the film seems to deflate like a souflee. best to treat the film like one of albert finney's shaggy dog stories that meander pleasantly along but don't really go anywhere: then the film is lovely and fantastic and endlessly re-watchable. Mind you if Burton or (more likely) the original author, actually thought this story was profound then then I'm going to go round their houses and slap them on each cheek. Oh, and the 'next week' gags are always funny.
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will be the biggest hunk of crapola ever spewed on the australian public. even worse than that schoolies movie "blurred". holy crap that was puke-worthy, neighbours-level CRAP!!!!!!!! CRAP I SAY!!! i have seen the trailers and it looks like "7th heaven" crossed with "Home and Away" crossed with a friggin seven's "today tonight" report on teenage "rave drug dance parties". and i looked at the site...the director and producer are the geniuses that brought you "LIONHEART: THE JESSE MARTIN STORY"!!!!!!!!! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHA AHA HAA OH MY GOD AUSTRALIA YOU SUCK SO HARD one perfect day...pffft more like one perfect GAY!!! SWISH!!!!!
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agree...that list is a very sad and pathetic list...so whats judith lucy doing off it?? but you know who have been geniuses? ROB SITCH AND SANTO CILARO as GRAHAM AND THE COLONEL!! also, them as jeff and terry the dodgey salesmen was good too. FIFTY BUCKS!! FIFTY BUCKS!!
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Feb 16, 2004 1:13:46 AM CST
THE LATE SHOW is exhalted as the very pinnacle of sketch comedy
by cash bailey
Our sitcoms (with the exception of MOTHER AND SON, FRONTLINE and KATH AND KIM) have all been diabolically bad, but our sketch comedy has often been awesome. Of course, nobody will ever reach the comedic heights of Graham Kennedy and Bert Newton in their prime, but THE LATE SHOW came pretty damn close.
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I guess becuase they're just the little old British Academy Awards Harry and Co think they're not worth an article? Not when they're are no updates all weekend we could be reading...... sheesh. /endsarcasm
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Come on, get your act together folks...or do they not matter???
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From Fangoria: Original reports about Dark Castle/Warner Bros. remake of HOUSE WAX that appeared here and elsewhere claimed that it would follow in the footsteps of the 1953 Vincent Price classic and be presented in 3-D. Now a press release issued in Australia (where the film will be shot) states that
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i have a soft spot for peter rowsthown now that hes been on kath and kim. however glenn robbins will always reign supreme as australian comedy's guiding light
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