Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

I don’t believe this is going to get made. I just don’t believe it. It seems like the sort of material that just isn’t going to survive the transition to the bigscreen, and this report only reinforces my suspicions...

The Preacher script reminds me of Warren Zevon. Warren was a great songwriter, one of the best America's ever produced, but when you say his name, you've gotta say, "The guy who did 'Werewolves of London,'" or no one knows who you're talking about. And the thing is, 'Werewolves' doesn't really sound like the rest of the stuff he did, so Zevon fans are consigned to spend the rest of their days going, "No, you don't understand. He's a genius, and that fucking pop song ruined his reputation."

Get used to saying that, Preacher fans. Cuz when this movie comes out, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle trying to convince people that that the comic series was one of the best things ever written in the medium and the piece of dogshit movie isn't representative of it at all.

Garth Ennis wrote the first draft, and Rachel Talalay & Chris Donaldson are credited with revisions. Haven't heard of them? Neither have their agents.

Anyway, it's loosely based on parts of "Gone to Texas" and "Until the End of the World". Jesse gets his powers, runs into Tulip and Cassidy, fights the Saint of Killers and kills Jody and T.C. at Gramma's place.

The problem's not with the plot; it probably would have been the storyline I went with. Yeah, there's no Grail, no Starr, no Skeeter. That's not the problem.

The problem is that the tone, so carefully modulated between American Gothic/black comedy/action movie in the comic is all over the place. So much so that there are quite a few moments any filmmaker would give their left leg to avoid: the unintentional laugh. When Cassidy is first revealed as a vampire (after 30 pages of clues any mouth-breather could decipher), is comes off as...well, silly. When the Duke's ghost shows up to give Jesse advice, it's a "What the Fuck?" moment instead of the awe-inspiring American Myth from the comic.

Another problem is the flashbacks: I know it's a 115 page script instead of a 66 issue series (not including the SoK mini and the various one-shots), but when you tell the story of Jesse's childhood in a page-and-a-half, or the backstory of the Saint in one page, it just kinda glosses over the reason these guys are fighting.

Also--and this is mostly for fans of the comic--remember Sheriff Root? Minor character in the first couple issues? With the exception of the Saint, he's the major bad guy in this. That just doesn't make sense, plus he doesn't get to use his trademark catchphrase until; page 90 or so. (If you're not a fan, I won't ruin it. I'll just say that the Sheriff blames quite a few things on extraterrestrial minorities.)

Maybe Preacher is one of those things that can't be easily translated. I'm thinking it would have been better done as an animated long-form on HBO. But, I could be wrong, and it could be great. After all, it is being directed by the talented woman behind Tank Girl, so there's really nothing to worry about.

Sorry this wasn't better news, Preacher fans. Think of it this way: they haven't fucked up Transmetropolitan yet. Plus, a little bird tells me that the Powers script might be the best comic-related screenplay ever. Even better than the Aronofsky Batman draft. Trust me on this one, and call me...

Eel O'Brian

Thanks, Eel. Great stuff, even if you were hard on the script. Fans of this series deserve a great film.

"Moriarty" out.