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Harry's VALENTINE'S DAY VIEWS FOR THE GEEKS WITH A HARDON OR WETSPOT FOR LOVE!

Hey folks, Harry here with a little Valentine’s Day Viewing Recommendations. Now, I know… taking romantic advice from a grotesque geek such as I would normally be tantamount to learning to invest from the homeless, but at the very least you may find yourself entertained at my ludicrous standards of amore.

As a Geek, we tend to have different standards by which we label the ROMANTIC FILM. Your hardcore geeks that often date their Zatanna action figure (mine is right behind my computer standing next to Mothra and behind a carved marble Harry fetish doll from Norway), well… these hardcore geeks tend to recognize the love and understanding between doomed leads like Ripley and Hicks in ALIENS or PORCO ROSSO and that lovely lady at the café… well, we compare it to the greatest cinematic loves like Rick and Ilsa from CASABLANCA or Garbo in CAMILLE. So, what I’m going to do is divide up this pulsating heart list into varying degrees of passion. From the repressed to the excessive. From G to NC-17. This won’t really be like any Valentine’s Day recommendation page you’ve ever read before, but then… Fuck it, I’m Harry, I do what I want. Here ya go lovers…

Black & White Sultry Love









THE TARZAN TRILOGY

The first three Johnny Weismuller TARZAN movies are hot. I know that sounds like lunacy, but ultimately, they are all about a single woman falling in love with a wild jungle man, throwing off her Victorian clothes and wearing animal skins to live in the trees with her man Tarzan, who takes her often.

The series began with TARZAN, THE APE MAN. This first film has Tarzan essentially stealing Jane, as played by the lovely Maureen O’Sullivan, away from her expedition only to find her falling in love with her… Ape Man. The chemistry between these two are fantastic. However, in TARZAN AND HIS MATE finds Jane joining her monkey man in the animal skins and it is hot. When Johnny babysat me as a child, he once told my parents a story about climbing up a tree after Jane and having a problem, as she was truly wearing nothing under the loin cloth and as he climbed up the tree after her… well, snootchie cootch his mighty… ahem kept pushing aside his own loincloth, till the production was forced to tie down his loin snake. That story aside, the film is wonderful, one of the greatest “2nd” films of all time. That was followed by TARZAN ESCAPES which has some of the most amazing sensual moments in film history. Jane is leaving Tarzan and promises she’ll return, but before she leaves, Tarzan and Jane spend one last day together. There is a scene, a shot… where Weismuller is about to make love to her. The angle is from laying in the grass as Jane is and Tarzan coming down, and he has, “I’m Gonna Give You The Best Fucking Of Your Life” eyes, and we reverse to Jane, who has, “Please Give Me The Best Fucking Of My Life” eyes… and zowee, it is just fucking hot! So hot that basically they caused the Hays Office to start their censorship ways. The fuckheads! The scene is the hottest PG love scene, you’ll ever see. And the nude swim is pretty outstanding, as is all the violence and animal stunts throughout!

The Problem is… they’re not available on DVD – the links I have there are for the Videos, as MGM or whoever owns the rights these days, have not put the TARZAN FILMS out! Hopefully these wonderful films will be available for some Valentine’s Day in the future. I have em on 16mm, cuz… well, I’m a geek.












CAMILLE

The love between Garbo’s Marguerite and Robert Taylor’s Armand in this astonishingly red hot poker of romance, directed by George Cukor… well, it is amazing. Garbo’s voice alone is the type of voice that reaches into one, and squeezes the tear ducts and you find your hands clasped to your chest weeping for her love. Garbo is the very embodiment of femininity in this film. The dialogue is classic and the film is grand in all the ways of a classy MGM production from 1936. Again we have a film that is not on DVD, but should be. Garbo must be experienced to be understood. Her features, voice and performance are unforgettable. By the way, this is another one I had to buy in 16mm… fucking studios.











BELLE ET LA BETE – aka Cocteau’s BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

Of all black & white tales of love, this version of the fairy tale, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, is perhaps the most transcendental. Cocteau’s production design and imagination in this film are beyond reproach. In my opinion, nothing done by modern cinematic surrealists like Gilliam or Burton has ever come close to capturing the beauty of this film. For one, the make up on Jean Marais is classic. Absolutely classic. The ethereal beauty of Josette Day and the dream she seems to be in throughout this film is something to marvel at. Perhaps the most beautiful black & white film ever shot. The restoration on the latest Criterion release is a marvel.










THE APARTMENT

I had stayed away from this movie for years as it sounded like a bad plotline for a sitcom. Then I saw it, and for the past decade or so, I’ve been in love ever since. This is the film that when you look at the modern Nora Ephron type of film, that makes you angsty. That makes ya wish that for the last 25 years of Billy Wilder’s life, they… the powers that be… had given him that budget and Tom Hanks to work with. It is a tragedy that so many films and filmmakers that are living are pretty much forgotten in their time by those that could help them continue their life’s work. Thank god film and it’s fans have a memory. THE APARTMENT is one of the greatest films ever made. C.C. Baxter and Fran Kubelik and Mr. Sheldrake and C.C.’s loaner of an apartment… it is classic. That line, “I used to live like Robinson Crusoe, shipwrecked among 8 million people, but one day I saw a footprint in the sand and there you were” Yeah, it kinda gives ya goosebumps.









NOTORIOUS

This is another of those films that really makes you not want to live in Seattle, what with all the cups of coffee… ya know. GOD – I love this film. So many of Hitch’s black & white films are overlooked in favor of his color flicks. If you love CASABLANCA and you fell for Ilsa, well, Ingrid Bergman is every bit as lovely and amazing as she was in that film. Here, she is used by a CIA agent (played by Cary Grant) that is placing her into the Argentinian Underground Nazi Society to ferret out some… dastardly plot that they’re all hatching. To do this, she must pretend to fall in love with Claude Rains, a Nazi, and live in his house with him… all the while she loves Cary Grant, and all he can see her as is a whore that’s fucking a Nazi, and she believes that’s what he wants her to be, so she does it, hoping that he tells her to stop, but everyone is so goddamn duty bound that it gets seriously fucked up. Your heart will soar! Even as your nails get shorter!

LOVE FUCKS YOU ALL UP!!!









KING KONG (1933)

Perhaps the greatest love story of all time. How many of us geeks feel like King Kong, too big to be loved, too furry to be felt… yes. This is a cautionary tale. When the people that worship you offer up a blonde for you to love, turn away, because while that love you find in her sultry chaste eyes is beautiful… she’ll never consummate it. Eventually that blonde will lead you to the top of the world, only to watch you be machine-gunned to death and in your dying moments, her cheating floozy heart will pitter patter against the chest of some goddamn chiseled good looking son of a bitch. Crowds will gather around your corpse and some showbiz charleton will come along and say some purty words about how beauty killed the beast, once again labeling your dying hide as your blood runs into the biggest gutter system known to man. Yeah, love fucks you all up! Because we live in a cruel world, this film is not on DVD!












THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN

Yet another of the greatest love stories of all time! For those that don’t believe there’s someone for everyone, the despair of passion strikes even you. Though you be pieced together from the remains of the dead, stiched and clamped, stapled and prodded… Enough electricity coursing through your veins to send Marty McFly back in time, yet where is your love? You demand that the god that created you create one to love. He does. Then even then. Even a newborne life of dead tissue won’t accept you. Even the reanimated corpses of a dozen dead whores rejects you. Makes you utter, “WE BELONG DEAD!” But even then, later in life you learn that the Bride of Frankenstein fucking married the Hunchback of Notre Dame and you’re left jerking your electrode till it sparks its last spark!












THE ABOMINABLE DR PHIBES

While the pains of love can hurt, they can also bring you back to life. THE ABOMINABLE DR PHIBES is a classic story of love and what one will do for it. Watching Dr Phibes’ brilliant revenge plot unfurl – will show the one you love what you will do when she dies. How far you’re willing to go. Exactly what her love means to you. If, perchance, she dies on an operating table, you will kill all involved in the most devious and precise manners known to only a few obscure super-brains. You will hunt them down, though you have lost your voice, though your face has become skeletal and you will rise and fall back into her cold embrace to the music you both loved. Yes, love will fuck you up, but it will make you badass as hell!












THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN

Seemingly very different from the above group, but trust me, Love Fucks You All Up in this one. I thought I had seen it, but then at Butt-Numb-A-Thon – a tiny little man gave me this movie and said… I mean he squeaked, “iNjoeee!” Slipping it in the ol player one night, I was quite taken with the film. Eli Roth commonly tongue wags about this one, but I always thought this was supposed to be sub-Porky’s 2 – but wow, this thing kicks teeth in. The gal is yummy as hell, the friends are typical and as always, love fucks ya all up!












PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE

Brian DePalma’s PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE is the greatest romantic horror rock opera comedy of all time! A riff on the PHANTOM OF THE OPERA and THE DEVIL AND DAN WEBSTER mixed with the exact right touch of GLAM ROCK! This film is a marvel. The faustian tunes penned by Paul Williams are classics. He sold his soul for rock-n-roll, but died for the unrequited love of Phoenix. I personally love this film over BLOW OUT and OBSESSION, it’s just a difference in tastes. I deeply love the music to this film, along the exact same lines that every note of NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS is etched into my cholesteral choked heart. Speaking of…

Love Is Magical!!!












THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

My personal favorite film of the nineties. Sally’s love for Jack is one of those wondrous, magical things. The anti-Bride of Frankenstein in many ways. Some mad scientist stitches together an assistant, brings her to life, and she falls for the deluded wannabe Santa man, whom she wishes would stick to scaring the snot out of tykes everywhere. I love it. When she flings herself out that window, and begins stitching herself back together again. That final embrace on the unfurling bluff-top… perfection. Of course, my problem is, I keep picturing myself not as Jack, but as the guy with the axe stuck in his head muttering, “BUNNY!”












SEX AND LUCIA

In the realm of magical, hot, hot, hot romantic films, SEX AND LUCIA by Julio Medem may very well be one of the most astonishingly erotic films of all time. Now, I’ve got a treat for all of you. For 5 of you lucky geek lovers out there, I’m going to grant you not only a fantastically erotic DVD of SEX AND LUCIA, but an Autographed poster signed by Paz Vega, Lucia herself! All you have to do is send a picture of you and your significant other to harry@aintitcool.com with a funny caption on the image. You should also include your shipping address so that you can get, what will most certainly be the beginnings of a very hot night for you two! If you’ve never seen the mud scene… or the park bench scene… or gosh, just about any scene in this thing. And the magic of the floating island and what it stirs in us humans… bliss!












GIRL ON A BRIDGE

I love this film. This is a film about perfect dangerous all-consuming love. Daniel Auteuril and Vanessa Paradis (Mrs. Depp – but don’t hate her, hate him, she rules) play to luckless lost souls. Daniel is a knife thrower. She’s not much of anything. Together there is nothing they can’t do, no game of chance they won’t win. The fortunes smile upon their existence. Together they rule the fates, apart they’re a hair from death, choking on the fumes of lovelost oxygen. Simply perfect. If you loved AMELIE, you’ll love this! Unfortunately in Region 1 – this doesn’t exist on DVD – but it does exist on Video. This, I do not understand. How this isn’t out on DVD is stunning!












MANHATTAN

ANNIE HALL is too easy of a choice for most folks, personally… I choose MANHATTAN. The choice of intellectual love or true love. Love in spite of what others would say, or how things would look. Love because the souls are entwined, because that love is pure and simple and true. Woody Allen, curse him, put me in a trap where I saw my own life in this hang up… it all ended badly, because… well I have a stupid penis. (Is there any other kind?) Anyway, I always pray that the Woody of this film lived happily ever after with his Mariel, but I’m just not sure if that’s quite what I believe happens any more. I still hold on to the hope that it works, after all, that’s what faith is all about.

And For The Desperate Lonely Degenerates That Want To See Tentacle Fucking, Naked Lady Playing Video Games and other really sick shit…












DEMONLOVER

Here ya go… If you’re into bondage, nipple clamps, humiliation and degradation. If you liked the teeth on the nether-regions and a bit of blood from time to time… Or if you have never had sex, but think all of that sounds peachy… well I’ve got 5 of these to give away too. All you have to do is send the nastiest sexual image you can find to MoriartyAICN@Yahoo.Com and your return address and we’ll send you your DEMONLOVER dvd to watch as you use a straight razor on your privates you sick bastards! This isn’t love, it’s torture!

There ya go. That’s my list for this year. By no means is that a complete list of the romantic films I’m fond of, nor is it even the greatest. It is simply the titles that at this moment on this night, just a few days before Valentine’s Day… well, it’s what I’m thinking of. Oh – one last film. This one is for all of you guys out there that just never can keep the same girl for long. You might find something in common with:












A BOY AND HIS DOG

Here’s a film that I have a warm spot in my heart for. Literally, probably the most likely portrait of the romantic version of the post-apocalyptic future. A film that shows you what is important in life and what is worth killing and living for. And ultimately whose love you can never replace. As with the others, if you happen to check this out either in rental, purchase or just on the boob tube… ENJOY! I plan to do this every year, never writing about the same films each year, hopefully giving you an ever expanding guide to the genre of LOVE... And remember, Lucas is a prick, there is no need to mention his bullshit halfassed excuse for a press release carried everywhere else. Fuck him till the originals are released. Otherwise, love the life you’re living and HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Readers Talkback
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  • Feb. 10, 2004, 2:57 a.m. CST

    I want to see A Boy and his Dog

    by ZeroC

    and Girl on a Bridge rocks.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3 a.m. CST

    Your grasp on romance is as thin as your body is not.

    by AgentDesmond

    >>>

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3:17 a.m. CST

    I appreciate the effort Harry but damn....

    by Manaqua

    ..this is shaping as an excuse for yet another Amazon click through page. That is really getting annoying. As i've said repeatedly. A click thrugh to IMDB would be nice. A click through to Amazon? Fuck. I'll check deepdiscount and a few others before I buy off amazon. M

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3:18 a.m. CST

    Couldn't agree with you more, Harry, on Manhattan...

    by drakeavenue

    ...that and Play It Again, Sam. Lucia = yeow!

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3:18 a.m. CST

    great list

    by speed

    funny stuff there. i can't believe the famous chicks in the bondage flick! and i'm a huge fan of these articles you are now doing.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3:26 a.m. CST

    KONG is on DVD

    by Ken Luxury Yacht

    Ahoy hoy all. Just to say Harry, I'm sure you've said in the past that you have a PAL Compatible, multi-region DVD player. So if my memory is not playing tricks on me... you can own KING KONG on DVD, as it is readily availible on Region 2. In fact it's currently readily available through Virgin in their 3 for

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3:29 a.m. CST

    i don't get it?

    by speed

    to those who are annoyed with the links to amazon. AND??? you don't have to click. and so what if aicn gets a throwback for every click. we all know that. fair play. if the articles were crap then sure, but every single one has been informative and entertaining. i reckon this is the best writing harry has ever done on this site and i've been coming here over 5 years. for all harry's faults (and we all have faults by the bucketload) the guy knows a fuck of a lot about movies. AND doesn't IMDB connect to amazon as well??? yeah, that's right...

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3:48 a.m. CST

    Griffith from berserk was the phantom of paradise?!

    by 81666

    and the last american virgin is one of the definitive growing up films of the eighties, with a heartwrenching ugly ending, that everyone i'm sure can relate too... yikes!!

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 3:53 a.m. CST

    Be prepared for some sick shit

    by scanners22

    I think asking anyone for the sickest sexual picture you can find on the internet is asking for trouble.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 4:07 a.m. CST

    The ultimate Valentine's Day double feature.

    by Cash Bailey

    BEFORE SUNRISE and DR ZHIVAGO.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 5:12 a.m. CST

    Manhattan

    by Mr Sidney James

    Worth it just for the opening scene - Gershwin, black and white - Beautiful

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 5:32 a.m. CST

    Sickest picture?

    by Shad0wfax

    Good luck stomaching it. This site is getting worse by the ARTICLE nowadays. I mean, what is this anyway? An article on romantic films with practically no romantic films? Oh wait, I'm forgetting that Harry only thinks a film is romantic if the love is tragic and doomed, (like his own love life). I forgot that he said Hannibal was a romance flick! It's no surprise this site is becoming less and less respected as time goes on, hopefully someone will rise up soon to fill the movie news gap.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 6:15 a.m. CST

    masturbation is easier.

    by CuervoJones

    fuck love.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 7:33 a.m. CST

    Boys on the Beach

    by DannyOcean01

    Great French film starring the Algerian/Arab guy in Amelie and L'Haine. Sweet story about a group of lads on holiday in some very posh resort (forget the name, but it's famous and loaded). The lead meets some stunning lady and in amongst the shit the guys get up to, the film spins a romance between the couple. It's sentimentality handled by the French, which in my book means handled well. I think the director's quite famous too.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 7:34 a.m. CST

    One more thing...

    by Shad0wfax

    Where's Irreversible on that list, huh?

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 8:13 a.m. CST

    Beauty & The Beast is one of the best films I've ever seen.

    by FrankCobretti

    That is all. Oh, and I'd do Ingrid Bergman in a New York Minute.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 9:01 a.m. CST

    "This site sucks worse everyday"...

    by Dru

    + yet, the TBs are loaded with people, if only whiny folks who want to complain about the links to Amazon or whatever else. Does anyone out there have a friend who knows a lot about music, someone who knows what you like + can subsequently point you to new things that you would never discover on your own, but would surely like if you DID find them? In the case of movies, maybe a lot of you are like that for other people- a film guru that makes good recommendations to people. Well, I like movies, but I know shit about them. What I need is a movie guru friend. Actually, that's why I come here. Out.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 9:19 a.m. CST

    Amazon

    by tweedie

    Just another cool-news for linking dvds to amazon.com. Sad.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 9:34 a.m. CST

    Here's my two cents...

    by COFFINROCK

    Best Valentine's Day double feature: (don't worry, I'm prepared to take some shit for this)...When Harry Met Sally and About Last Night. The latter features the only known competent work from Jim Belushi: "You just know she ain't got no panties on." Also in the running for terrific Valentine's viewing...Cameron Crowe's Singles.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 10:05 a.m. CST

    The most romantic movie ever...

    by rev_skarekroe

    "Little White Chicks...Big Black Monster Dicks 12". Show that one to your sweetie, and I guarantee a Valentine's Day you won't ever forget! sk

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 11:36 a.m. CST

    The Apartment's the best

    by Benedicto

    I'm with Harry on The Apartment being one of the greatest romantic movies ever made. It's my second favorite Billy Wilder movie(First being Stalag 17, William Holden was the MAN). Shirley MacClaine was never as adorable and Jack Lemmon was a funny and identifiable schmuck who finally became a MENCH in the end.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Pretentious, uh?

    by Viniciuso

    Why not a list that had something to do with the site readers, you know... Edward Scissorhands Before Sunrise Lost in Translation ... movies with endings to be indentify with...

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Only one filmmaker for Valentine's Day

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    and that's Bruce LaBruce. Hellll yeah. Gotta love Harry's li'l prank on Moriarty, that's funny shit. And oh yeah people griping about the amazon links shut the fuck up. For christ's sake you whining little shits, of all the nonsense to get uptight about...

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 1:58 p.m. CST

    Only one filmmaker for Valentine's Day

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    and that's Bruce LaBruce. Hellll yeah. Gotta love Harry's li'l prank on Moriarty, that's funny shit. And oh yeah people griping about the amazon links shut the fuck up. For christ's sake you whining little shits, of all the nonsense to get uptight about...

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 2 p.m. CST

    Only one filmmaker for Valentine's Day

    by where_are_quints_hobbit_set_reports

    and that's Bruce LaBruce. Hellll yeah. Gotta love Harry's li'l prank on Moriarty, that's funny shit. And oh yeah people griping about the amazon links shut the fuck up. For christ's sake you whining little shits, of all the nonsense to get uptight about...

  • I have to admit, I actually laughed for about a minute after reading that. Granted I had my own painfully funny visuals to go with it, all the same, I laughed heartily. Sadly I have no one to spend Valentine's Day with, but I get to hear lots of guys bitch about having to buy things or do something for their girlfriend/boyfriend. To you all I say, you're cheap lazy bastards and I hope you go sexless on Valentine's because you don't deserve it. As for my recommendations, they're both rather recent. First off is a maligned but enjoyable independent movie that no one saw called "Never Again" with Jeffrey Tambor and Jill Claybourgh. They're middle-aged but there is no expiration date on love, which they find with each other. It's the standard love story formula, but enjoyable nonetheless. Secondly, I recommend "About A Boy". This is for all of us who aren't lucky enough(for whatever reason) to have a Valentine. I just feel a great sense of hope on many levels after watching it. Maybe you wil too.

  • Feb. 10, 2004, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Wha? No Monsieur Verdoux?

    by Archive

    What gives?

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 12:42 a.m. CST

    BADLANDS

    by fabfunk

    BADLANDS BADLANDS BADLANDS BADLANDS BADLANDS BADLANDS!

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 1:02 a.m. CST

    Come on! We all know the ultimate date movie is Fight Club...

    by CranialLeak

    When Brad Pitt slaps on the rubber glove and tells Helena Bonham Carter to shut the fuck up, it makes me want to cuddle next to my girl by a fireplace.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 1:23 a.m. CST

    Yeah, but...

    by Ben Dobyns

    I grew up watching "A Boy and His Dog." It fucked me up. - - What a great list, though. And for those of you in a twist about the Amazon link, give Netflix a try. It's like clicking through for Harry, but you don't have to buy anything. Then you can watch what Harry suggests without compromising your moral dignity and accidentally supporting AICN. (And Nicheflix carries all the international/multi-region titles, so between the two of them, you can watch almost anything that's on DVD anywhere and not have to blow a wad of cash that you don't have. Yeah. I love DVDs. However, I love only paying $20 a month to watch whatever I want even more.) My point? Quit whining (we all know it's because you're broke and can't afford to buy thousands of DVDs) and get smart.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 2:36 a.m. CST

    Good list, good write up...

    by Shigeru

    But no When Harry Met Sally?? Maybe Harry had a bad experience with some biotch named Sally. Oh yeah also Punch Drunk Love is fucking GENIUS and insanely romantic. And holy crap I didn't know that girl from Girl on the Bridge is Depp's wife...good flick! And A Boy and his Dog is freaking awesome!! I won't spoil the ending...but watch it. I'm off to find midget bestiality pics to send to Mor...

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 3:31 a.m. CST

    sick pics

    by eclipsedman

    www.tubgirl.com this is some sick shit.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 3:35 a.m. CST

    Johnny Weissmuller Tarzan films ARE on DVD...

    by Electric Tsunami

    There are a number of Johnny Weissmuller Tarzan films on DVD in Australia, see: www.ezydvd.com.au... Titles are: Tarzan Escapes, Tarzan Finds A Son, Tarzan's Secret Treasure, Tarzan's New York Adventure, Tarzan And The Green Goddess, Tarzan And The Mermaids, Tarzan And The Leopard Woman, Tarzan And The Amazons, Tarzan Triumphs, Tarzan's Desert Mystery, Tarzan and the Huntress. This company also had Hellzapoppin' (although the print has some flaws).

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 10:35 a.m. CST

    My Favorite Romance?

    by JAGUART

    Polanski's BITTER MOON. Anyone who's had a tragic relationship can relate. I've watched that with a few ex's,and all of them cried. My last psycho ex said "it hit too close to home" and didn't like it. I should have realized then, but her tits were fantastic. My other votes would be Gone With The Wind,Annie Hall and Mulholland Drive. Lost in Translation is rising fast on the list.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 3:04 p.m. CST

    The Winslow Boy

    by DarthCorleone

    That's my Valentine's Day recommendation. It's a subplot, but the romance therein is subtly done and amazingly effective.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 4:18 p.m. CST

    A Boy And His Dog

    by SLEAZY DINOSAUR

    I think this is a pretty cool movie, but if you watch this on Valentines Day with your girlfriend, and expect a romantic evening, chances are you'll be single again after that. She'll especially love the romantic part where Don Johnson is about to rape a girl his dog has sniffed out, and he throws some sweet talk her way when he says "if you resist, I'll shoot your leg off, and you'll still get it, only you'll be missing a leg". Yeah, girls eat that flowery stuff up.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 6:45 p.m. CST

    demonlover sucks

    by hank quinlan

    That was the worst film I saw last year. The epitome of self indulgent arthouse trash. Fuck your anti-thriller, academic, psuedo intelectual nonsense. One big long close up. Obnoxious low disclosure. Lots of whispering. Boredom. Ambiguity for it's own sake. One of the only movies I couldn't believe I didn't walk out on. Worse then Torque or Tomb Raider 2. Perhaps even more egregious because it thinks it's ABOUT something. I know Harry is giving them away free and trying to be nice but really...even free is too expensive. You can't buy time wasted. As for romantic films where is Chungking Express, In the Mood for Love, or Kicking and Screaming. Later kids.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 7:33 p.m. CST

    MAY!

    by God Of Forkery

    Love chops your ass up and sews it onto someone else's ass. The lonely must improvise. Props on having "The Apartment" and "Girl On A Bridge" . . .list-wise, Harry.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 8:41 p.m. CST

    Someone has to say it...

    by RockYourSocks

    Harry, please never mention your "stupid penis" in an article ever again. I'll be having nightmares for weeks.

  • Feb. 11, 2004, 10:11 p.m. CST

    "Alone, bad. Friend good! Friend goood!!!!"

    by Ribbons

    Homercles will have kinky sex on Valentine's Day. Unfotunately, I am not Homercles.

  • Feb. 12, 2004, 12:18 a.m. CST

    Dru

    by Renata

    Yes, you're right. This site sucks worse each day (remember when it gave us "breaking" news and inside scoops. Now we get video recommendations--and the classic "look at Moriarity's video collection" moment) and the TBs are full of people. But they're the same 30 or so folks. Really.

  • Feb. 12, 2004, 1:13 a.m. CST

    about the disgusting pics

    by Shigeru

    somebody send Moriarty the gollum dude.

  • Feb. 12, 2004, 3:18 p.m. CST

    Boy and His Dog novella?

    by Gheorghe Zamfir

    Does the novella go by a different name? I tried finding it on amazon but all that comes up is Vic and Blood, which is apparently some kind of adaptation of the novella, I'd like to check the book out but can't seem to find it.

  • Feb. 12, 2004, 3:58 p.m. CST

    Harry, where's Superman the Movie and Wings of Desire?

    by Kon-El

    How can these two films not be included in the Most Romantic Geek Films of all time? Both are tells of a God like creature becoming so human by falling in love. Tell me you weren't shaken as Superman wept over Lois' dead body then tore into the sky with tears burning down his face. And were you not moved when the angel in Wings of Desire came to the trapeze artist in her dream. Deep, Powerful, Beautiful stuff in both cases. Superman The Movie is the greatest film of all time and Wings of Desire belongs in the top twenty, but both are definitely among the top five romances.

  • Feb. 12, 2004, 6:03 p.m. CST

    Are You Kidding Me?

    by SamBlackChvrch21

    Where is True Romance? Hell Romance is in the title. Its the greatest love story to come out of the 90's. This list is a fucking sham. Screw You Harry and your Bullshit King Kong fascination. You Lame-o. Your Fucking Lame. You find something that is to become and try to find roots of old to relate it to. Then embrace the old as if you've been there for it all along. You hollywood piece of trash. Marcus Nispel is the shizzle.

  • Feb. 12, 2004, 10:21 p.m. CST

    Just once Harry...

    by EvilPizza

    Stop watching movies and fucking get laid!

  • Feb. 13, 2004, 1:57 a.m. CST

    Notorious and The Apartment

    by Jervis Tetch

    Those two are incredible, made in 1946 and 1960, before the Hays Code (movie censorship) fell, and yet spelling out some very explicit sexual things: Bergman's a slutty drunk whose sexual lover, Grant, must turn her over to another man for sex and marriage ("Notorious"); Lemmon's apartment is being used by his married middle-management bosses for sex with their secretaries while Lemmon discovers some painful truths about the girl he loves and the boss he must obey ("The Apartment"). These two movies are painful to the point of sadism, but they are great love stories all the same. And here's the key: they are just as meaningful in 2004 as in 1946 and 1960. The same shit happens today. (Especially "The Apartment": a sadder look at the corporate workplace slave rat race has never been made. And it is worse, not better, today.)

  • Feb. 13, 2004, 4:28 p.m. CST

    What no IRREVERSIBLE?!

    by trafficguy2000

    I keed, I keed

  • Feb. 13, 2004, 8:36 p.m. CST

    hank God Titanic was nowhere on that list

    by gopher

    I lose all respect for any woman who says that is her favourite film of all time. Lousy fucking acting, unbelievable characters, f/x over the top.

  • Feb. 13, 2004, 8:37 p.m. CST

    "T"

    by gopher

    whoops

  • Feb. 13, 2004, 9:15 p.m. CST

    Moulin Rouge!

    by Archduke_Chocula

    There's a moie to wath, that and Down With Love.....

  • Feb. 13, 2004, 11:10 p.m. CST

    OMG, Harry was a topic on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!

    by Fatal Discharge

    I was cracking up, it was College Week and a guy got a $16,000 question about "internet gossip maven Harry Knowles wrote a book called Ain't It..." and the options were Real, Fun, Cool, Great. The guy didn't know so he used the phone-a-friend lifeline and his friend seemed not to know and said Great just before his time was up, so the contestant says I'll go with my friend and say "Great". D'oh! No dough, in fact, the guy lost $15,000 as a result. On the other hand, the guy was no genius either. He had a previous question about the number of words in the pledge of allegiance and, I kid you not, he ended up counting on his fingers 4 times before what he got matched one of the four answers. I guess the guy went with Ralph of The Simpsons to Bovine University.

  • Feb. 14, 2004, 2:47 a.m. CST

    Go see The Dreamers,...has the HOTTEST chick in the movies Eva G

    by iamarayya

    Amen.

  • Feb. 14, 2004, 8:23 a.m. CST

    Naomi Watts is fucking wrong for Lady Kong

    by chien_sale

    Because she clealry lack that star, timelessness quality of Fay Way. Gwen Stephanie would be great because she`s not the typical pretty girl, she oozes sexuality. But Kate Winslet would be perfect. Heck she already is an icon, the finnest starlett of her generation so don`t fuck up Jackson!

  • Feb. 14, 2004, 9:50 a.m. CST

    Harry, Kudos on a fine list

    by DukeDeMondo

    Manhattan is not only my favourite film of all time, but also an unbelievably beautiful love story. A love story not only concerned with the love of one or two gorgeous females, but also the love of a city. It's transcendental, beautiful. To this list i would also add Amelie and Lost In Translation. Amelie just warms the cockles, and warm cockles are never a bad thing. I would also through High Fidelity on there too, as a cool valentine s flick. By the way, King Kong has been on Region 2 since pretty much the last five years (i picked it up myself, gorgeous creation as it is). Y'all can check out http://mondoirlando.blogspot.com for Brian Yuzna's new flick, and a preview of Mark Bain's 9/11 aural opus. Scary shit. Harry, more articles of this nature, please.

  • Feb. 14, 2004, 10:04 a.m. CST

    I forgot...

    by DukeDeMondo

    Forgot to mention Beautiful Thing, a lovely british romantic flick from the mid-90's. A very very sweet, low-key love story, about two boys finding out they like each other more than they really thought. Brilliant. Also, i think the british Queer As Folk, both seasons (although the second one was just two hour-long episodes) are truly beautiful.Vince is so in love with Stewart, man, but Stewarts just a cocky mo'fo with no time for such trivialities. He just wants to go shag everything in sight. Anyway, wonderful, and it was QAF, plus Manhattan, that i used to woo my fiancee, believe it or not, who i must now prepare a meal for. She saw The Shining for the first time ever last night, and loved it. Actually, i enjoyed it too, even though i didnt really like it that much before. Anyway, whatever, Happy Valentines Day. And i SO cannot understand the yappin about the Amazon links. Name me ONE OTHER site of this nature that doesn't do it. Sheesh. http://mondoirlando.blogspot.com

  • Feb. 14, 2004, 12:17 p.m. CST

    No "Annie Hall", "Flirting," "The Road Home"?

    by Shepdog

    Two terrific Aussie films about love that everybody should see are "The Year My Voice Broke" and its sequel "Flirting." Also left off of your list is "Annie Hall," "Remains of the Day," "The Road Home," etc. All great films. I could go on and on. Admittedly, it's tough to come up with a short best of list, but "The Last American Virgin?" It's a good pretty good film but why not "Valley Girl" if you're going down that road?

  • Feb. 14, 2004, 7:47 p.m. CST

    Where's Gigli?

    by Cabron

  • Feb. 15, 2004, 4:34 a.m. CST

    DO click on Harry's links if you want the site to stay good

    by Skyfly

    The more money he makes, the less likely he's going to be to put more ads up. If he's poor he'll resort to more ads! Don't you get it?

  • Feb. 15, 2004, 5:56 a.m. CST

    PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE...

    by Voice O. Reason

    ...is ROCKY HORROR without the catchy tunes or audience participation. In other words, it sucks. Yeah, I got tricked into watching it once, and couldn't believe my eyes. All the actors in it are uglier than 70's porn stars, and couldn't imagine why it was ever made..."Cuz it was the 70's"? WHAT THE FUCK was going on at 20th Century Fox in the 70's that this movie ever got made? "Greatest romantic horror rock opera comedy of all time" isn't much of an accomplishment since this is the only film to ever even fit into that category.

  • Feb. 15, 2004, 7:37 a.m. CST

    I'll take my Say Anything and Moulin Rouge!

    by paddington

  • Feb. 15, 2004, 4:08 p.m. CST

    You forgot ... UROTSUKIDOJI!!!

    by godoffireinhell

    The most romantic film about violent tentacle death-rape ever.

  • Feb. 15, 2004, 11:26 p.m. CST

    I can't believe "Re-animator" didn't make this list

    by dillene

    Although I applaud the inclusion of Cocteau's B&B. Josette Day and Jean Marais were perfect.

  • Feb. 16, 2004, 12:50 a.m. CST

    have you all gone mad? what about edward scissorhands?!?!?!?!

    by McLuvin