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Teen Estrogen Fume Flicks: A CINDERELLA STORY and CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN
Hey folks, Harry here... The Dradle Dwarf has problems... One can only imagine his waking hell he surrounds himself in, but Egg Shen and Wang could never imagine anything as bad as the Hell Of Virginal Teen Wannabe Slut-Whore-Goddesses, but I'd pay money to see what ol Jack Burton would do in these movies. But, more likely, I think he'd run!
Hey Harry,
Since it's a slow news month until Sundance, I figured I drop you a link to some new trailers people may have missed. Two teen films that everyone is sure to love. Yes, I said TEEN films. I love teen films with every fiber of my pseudo-hetero mini-body and every time I grow a new pube a new one comes out and I get all optimistic like Dobler...but usually end up feeling like poor duckie on the newspaper machine.
Anyway, these are more *tween* films than teen films but whatever. Got to hold that stereo above your head and hope for the best.
TWEEN GLORY #1
CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN - Aww. Lindsey Lohan. She got so much good will from Freaky Friday and she "morning afters" it on this.
Go here and choose your favorite format
TWEEN GLORY #2
A CINDERELLA STORY - Aww. Hilary Duff. The Tween Queen. (Though she's got nothing on MANDY, thank you very much). Still. Shoot me. If I was a 12-14 year old girl, like I wish every night when I touch myself, this wouldn't look so bad. I'll probably be there on opening weekend. Also, kudos to Ms. Duff for having her song played over the trailer. Savvy.
Large QT
And just a little added something-something to keep in mind while watching these trailers. Ms. Lohan and Ms Duff are currently involved in a *heated* feud which involves egging, who stole Aaron Carter as a boyfriend, and fighting stage mothers...to be young, rich, and living in Hollywood.
The Dradle Dwarf
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Why even post this? Do you really think any self-respecting person over the age of 15 is even remotely interested in this drivel? I guess so.
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hate them both
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It's good to see that this talk back section is empty, these films are trash and I don't think they deserve to be seen outside of secret U.S. facilities experimenting with torture. The sole perpose of these films is to make money, not convey emotions or complicated morals to the audience. The only things these films do inspire is low self esteem in girls and suicidal tendencies in the boys that are dragged there. These films belong in a seperate room like porno and in all truth they make me want to wretch.
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Howdy, everyone. My name's Scott, and I'm yet another amateur film critic operating out of Dallas on the internet. I've finally corralled a section of a friend's webpage to post my online reviews (which are sent out to people on my mailing list; Heretofor, I was too lazy to set up a website, someone offered to give me the space), and I'm sending out word to all my fellow film geeks: Please stop by and read some of my stuff! We writers need ample feedback, and I figure my fellow bitter, cynical film geeks are the best people to ask for support! The friend who set up the pseudo-page for me is the director of FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, which is a student-film/comedy set in an unnamed college, which you can find at friendswithbenefits.com. It's a pretty entertaining little flick, so feel free to check that out after reading some of my reviews! The address is http://fwb.proboards18.com, and my stuff is under "The Doctor's..." If you don't have time, don't worry about it. Just trying to spread the word. I have faith in you, fellow film geeks. Thanks! Dr.Scott
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Hilary Duff is nothing more than a shameless "please everyone look how darned cute and talented I am!" self promoter who has limited acting and music skills! That bitch tries way too hard to be cute, and comes off as extremely annoying! The fact that all the movies she appeared in this year made money at all is proof that people have absolutely no taste in movies anymore! Tween movies are festering desease in Hollywood, and need to be exterminated imeadietely! Remember when we had "Real" teen movies from the likes of John Huges, and Chris Columbus? Most of their teen comedies are 100 times better than the junk we're getting these days! Still, it's kinda funny that Hilary is fighting over Lindsey Lohan over that faggot, Aaron Carter. It hope it destroies both of their careers soon!
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Hilary Duff is nothing more than a shameless "please everyone look how darned cute and talented I am!" self promoter who has limited acting and music skills! That bitch tries way too hard to be cute, and comes off as extremely annoying! The fact that all the movies she appeared in this year made money at all is proof that people have absolutely no taste in movies anymore! Tween movies are festering desease in Hollywood, and need to be exterminated imeadietely! Remember when we had "Real" teen movies from the likes of John Huges, and Chris Columbus? Most of their teen comedies are 100 times better than the junk we're getting these days! Still, it's kinda funny that Hilary is fighting over Lindsey Lohan over that faggot, Aaron Carter. It hope it destroies both of their careers soon!
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Do they think anyone who actually cares about films and takes the time to visit this site is gonna care about either one of those movies?
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...and I'm talking about A Cinderella Story. The only reason to see this is for Jennifer Collidge. She never fails to be hilarious (even in the awful Legally Blonde 2) in the worst of environments. And Hilary Duff IS the worst of environments. She is the worst actress among the teen crowd and over emphasizes every line she utters. And both of them fighting over Aaron Carter? The wannabe gangster brother of the now fat, poorly singing Nick Carter? TRL won't play his music. No one but 11 year old girls will take him seriously and these two fight over him? Ahh, one day they will look back on this and..well..probably cry. Hilary is getting too full of herself. Remember when Dominique Swain was the BIGGEST teen star? And what about that one..oh yeah.. Molly Ringwald? It all comes to an end and faster for those who can't act.
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Jan 09, 2004 5:15:47 AM CST
I think the only "real" teen movies we've ever had had the name
by mwhelan67
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Of the two 'tween dreams', Lindsey has the most staying power. Hillary has serious fat potential; the studios will weed her out.
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has, or maybe only had, potential. She can act intuitavely in a way Hillary Duff cannot, though the remake of Parent Trap may be the only record of it in existance. If she made better choices in her films, and wasn't just out to be a big star, she might have a chance. Unfortunately she, or her manager, is apparently clueless in terms of -long term- marketabillity.
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aaron carter, he like one those back street boys little brother, he be on shit like nickeldeon and the disney channel, mother fuckers, dont fuck with carter he get all white-gangstah on yo ass bisnatch
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Aaron Carter getting all white-gangstah? Puh-lease! This little faggot can't fight his way out of a paper bag, and neither can both The Backdoor Boys, or N*SUCK combined!
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Must... hit... back button... Wrist... too weak... Urge to buy... colorful "jelly bracelets"... uncontrollable...
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He instead goes out with Justin Timberlake (Come on! You know theiy're both gay!) and star in a new movie called "The Wrestlin' Homos" with HULK HOGAN as the baddie! "I'm gonna fuck you up the ass, BROTHER!"
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Jan 09, 2004 11:37:19 AM CST
NEW RULE: It's DREIDEL, not Dradle you jackass. You should wear
by bill maher
Why don't they just make movies from the Judy Blume books? They're aimed at the same age group and won't insult the intelligence of the non-retards.
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But I want to say...Howcome in the new LOTR movie they changed how the witcch king looked. That's not how he was descrived in the book. A few other small problems but it was otherwise a real good movie.
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Jan 09, 2004 11:52:01 AM CST
Ah, wonderful day to bring back the "Blank has a beer and CHEETS
by genericgeek
Kudos, mbaker. And to stay on topic, I liked Lindsay Lohan in Freaky Friday and Parent Trap. Couldn't believe they didn't use actual twins on that one.
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Solution 1: over the holidays they let the whole site slide while Harry ate 17 turkeys and started to look hungrily at Herc while licking his lips.(Herc rolled away but quick). People began to bitch that nothing was being posted. So now Harry is posting ANYTHING he gets in his mailbox. Even this.
Of course there is another solution. Solution 2: Between this and the O.C. talkbacks Herc keeps pushing - maybe the site HAS been taken over by 14 year old nieces of Moriarty (who is an *evil genius* remember...with bunny slippers!) while Harry et al party it up in the Carribean...or are locked in the root celler (with Harry starting to look hungrily at Herc...who has nowhere to roll to...and keeps screaming for the cast of the O.C. to save him. "Seth! Seth!"
God I'm bored.
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Jan 09, 2004 2:10:26 PM CST
If the commercials didn't make it seem like such tripe, I'd go c
by terry_1978
Only because I pondered stealing the SAT's during my high school days as well...nostalgia.
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Please, guys, lets be honest. I'm sure most of the Talkbackers here bought The Parent Trap (remake version) DVD so they could pause and watch in slow motion the scene when Lindsay Lohan goes skinny-dipping with, well, herself as her twin sister. You guys know the shot I'm talking about! Now, ah, to make this more like your typical Talkback: if only HULK HOGAN had popped out of the water and exclaimed something like, "You're in the Hulkster's trap now, brother!"
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If you wanna draw the attention of the main body of geeks that frequent this site, you don't advertise on a page like this that nobody will go to because of its sheer uninterestingness. You post on a page involving a comics-to-film adaptation, a horror remake, or a review written by a porn model. Start thinking like a doctor, for right now you hardly earn that title.
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Okay, first off, Lindsay and Hilary, step back for a moment and realize that you're both fighting over Aaron Carter. He makes Justin Timberlake look like Eminem. Secondly, I hope you make enough of the same movies you always make that all the little girls in the audience will realize they're just seeing the same fucking thing over and over again and will stop going altogether. But that won't happen because people older than your fans still see Julia Roberts movies. Before I go i've got some statements, one, Mandy Moore's agent needs to start looking for some real roles for her. And of course, Lillix does suck and they're all ugly except for the drummer. Lastly, to the current middle schoolers and high schoolers, YOUR CHILDHOOD IS PATHETIC COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE'S, YOU'RE LIVING OFF OUR SCRAPS, THAT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S SCOOBY DOO AND NINJA TURTLES, NOT YOURS, GO CRY IN A CORNER BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT EXCEPT A CRAPPY CARD FAD. (except Harry Potter)
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Jan 09, 2004 8:39:20 PM CST
This'll probably get me banned from the site, but I thought FREA
by frankdrebin
Could have used some vampires & werewolves, but otherwise okay.
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007, you're right. Sadly enough, it seems like my generation is the very last to remember the ORIGINAL Ninja Turtles, GI Joe, and the like. Nowadays, I don't know what the hell they're feeding to the minds of warped adolescents. I mean, some of these kids have never seen a true WWF HULK HOGAN match, back when he was in his prime!!! And that's a shame, brother.
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Bwaaaaaaahahaaaaaa! How could any normal, heterosexual teenage girl see anything in that worthless waste of DNA?
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Ever since "The New Mickey Mouse Club" hit the airwaves, Di$ney has been churning out a militant army of pre teen fags, and skanks. While at the same time, ignoring their animation history, and ability to make quality films. Nealy 99 % of the movies you see on either Di$ney Channel, or ABC Family are nothing but formulaic, lightweight crap that no self respecting heterosexual male would dare watch! Yet, when these assembly line teen idols go bad, dose Di$ney look at this, and reconsider their priorities? Hell no! They just mass produce more fags, and skanks to shove down our throats! I hope you boneheads at Di$ney are proud of yourselves, because one of your precious little Mousekateers, Britney Spears, has now made herself into a slut!! I'm surprised that Di$ney hasen't replaced Mickey Mouse for a blond teen bimbo as their coorperate icon! Personally, I'd rather have my kids (if i ever get any) watch Donald Duck than some blond teen skank! Breakdance with Carl Barks today!
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Sorry. I'll stop now.
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