I am – Hercules!!

You say the Oscars are looming and your new movie’s getting ignored by the New York, Chicago and Los Angeles film critic association awards?

Maybe you need to start gathering together those buffets, junkets and screeners for the likes of Munawar Hosain of Action Press, Ahmed Lateef of BR International, Yenny Nun Katz of Cosas Magazine, Ray Acro of Curentul, Elisa Leonelli of Gioia, Glenda Stewart of Hot Spots Magazine, Elmar Biebl of International Media Agency, Yani Begakis of Lady International, Ika Panajotovic or Novosti, Gloria Geale of PWA International, Noel deSouza of Dolphin Press, Karen Martin of Rex Features. And for Mahfouz Doss, Michael Bayan and Yoko Narita.

We’re not sure for which publications these last few people work, or when they last filed a movie- or TV-related story, but everyone listed above is or was a member of Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA), the shadowy organization that votes the Golden Globes.

Most everyone has heard of the Globes, but far fewer have heard of the people who vote for the Globes. Little is known about them, except that they may be the movie publicist’s best friend, most famous perhaps for nominating the 1982 Pia Zadora vehicle “Butterfly” for three Golden Globes (Pia herself took home the GG trophy for “best new star in a motion picture”).

Before you’re tempted to get excited about another ad touting “Six Golden Globe Nominations!!” or the star-studded Globes telecast itself, it might behoove you to have a glimpse at “Golden Globes: Hollywood’s Dirty Little Secret.”

Trio, which can be found on channel 315 if you subscribe to DirecTV, airs this 60-minute expose on the HFPA tonight at 9 p.m. (6 p.m. PT) and midnight (9 p.m. PT).

If tonight’s “Survivor” finale gets in your way, “Dirty Little Secret" repeats twice Thursday night and three time next weekend. Because I’ve been so consistently floored, in my own Hollywood press-event encounters, with the HFPA members’ sense of entitlement, I can only hope that every DirecTV subscriber on the planet watches.

Variety says:

… showers disdain on the Golden Globes - the annual kudocast that brings in a pretty penny for Trio's new parent-to-be, NBC. … the Hollywood Foreign Press Assn. - the cosseted organization that keeps the Globes turning - won't share … enthusiasm about a doc in which interview subjects dismiss most of its members as "bottom feeders," "hangers-on" and "junketeers." Then again, it's not like the association defended itself, preferring a head-in-the-sand approach. "Nobody, not even their publicist, would talk to us," filmmaker-narrator Vikram Jayanti ("When We Were Kings") notes dryly. … this is little more than an excuse to allow more reputable journos to bash the group at will - a reasonably good spectator sport as low-budget specials go.

The Hollywood Reporter says:

Interviews with a cross section of the entertainment industry, including journalists, a producer, a disguised Golden Globes nominee and others, indicate it is widely known that these coveted and much-publicized awards are decided by the vote of fewer than 100 individuals, most of whom aren't full-time journalists. … "It's a joke," declares Washington Post reporter Sharon Waxman. The awards go to "who kisses butt best," says the disguised former nominee. It's a case of "let's sell the public a lie," declares producer Michael Phillips. …

I am – Hercules!!

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