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Things that Nordling Learned at BNAT5!

Hey folks, Harry here with Nordling's lessons taken from the last 24 hours of his life spent in the magical fleshy bosom of the Alamo Drafthouse! I can't believe I pulled this event off. This has to be the greatest birthday party I'll ever throw!


STUNT ROCK still, erm, rocks.

John Wayne hits like a girl.

The Phantom has a fruit-like accent. And that's about as detailed as I'm going to get.

Peter Jackson rules.

Shoot zombies in the head. They'll stay down. (If you didn't know this by now, you really need to see more movies.)

"You bow to no one."

Ron Burgundy has a huge penis.

Eli Roth rules.

Colin McKenzie discovered the first horizontal wipe! And man, did it kick ass.

All it takes to woo a Southern belle is a fast train. And mighty reflexes. And a live band.

New Zealand farmers have anti-gravity fields around them that make pistols fly in mid-air.

Dukes, Captains, Kings, Generals, and, then, the Lord, in that order.

Sometimes, when you see a theme like "female empowerment" play through the night, you could still be dead wrong when you come to the last film.

Philippa Boyens rules.

Taking down a giant elephant with a bunch of soldiers on it still only counts as one.

If you're in jail for 15 years, it's not a good idea to have sex with the first girl you meet at the sushi bar.

Hammers come in handy in hallways.

Fran Walsh rules.

The little blonde girl really is mighty fucking crazy.

A good dresser, used properly, can take a human head clean off.

Group masturbation is fun. (Is that from a movie, or the actual BNAT event itself? I'll never tell...)

French people shoot like the G.I. Joe cartoons.

Schizophrenic girls are hot, especially with rotary blade saws.

Mel Gibson rules.

People with buttchins sell dope and laugh funny.

Dear God, stay away from what the sex education teacher has in that film box.

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST might be the most important film this site ever covers. Please see this film.

Harry Knowles rules. Happy birthday.

Readers Talkback
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  • Dec. 8, 2003, 12:36 a.m. CST

    First here too?

    by Mostholy

    All too easy.

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 12:40 a.m. CST

    Happy birthday Harry

    by Darth Thoth

    Get some sleep and then give us poor souls who couldn't make BNAT5 some reviews!! Thanks man. I must see ROTK NOW!!

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 12:58 a.m. CST


    by mrbonefish

    This guy is going for early BNAT 6 tickets, eh? ;-) Happy birthday Harry. What the heck was the mystery flick?

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 1:05 a.m. CST

    Somebody has to remember

    by devanjedi

    Somebody has to remember to tell us what the mystery flick was- you can tell us on the 8th right? Well its the 8th already!

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 1:18 a.m. CST

    this sounded so cool...

    by petejohnst

    i wish i would have been there. i think in honor of film i'm going to host my own little butt numb a thon... except with porn! DNAT

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 1:19 a.m. CST

    Damn youse

    by johne5

    Yall saw the Will Ferrell Anchorman movie.

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 1:26 a.m. CST


    by flipster

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 2:35 a.m. CST

    The Olsen Twins Get Gang Raped By Genetically Altered Wolves 2

    by ZeedarTeretz

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 7:34 a.m. CST

    Harry upstages Norlding with his own BNAT post

    by JAGUART

    Happy Birthday! Incidentally, Mel Gibson shares a birthday with JRR Tolkien. January 3rd.

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 11:26 a.m. CST

    Nordling learned plenty, unless you count the spelling of his ow

    by Chastain-86

    When all else fails, though, blame it on the fat man and his lacking grasp of HTML.

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 1:10 p.m. CST

    Thank God for the trolls

    by Nordling

    I was almost thinking I had posted to the wrong website. Cheers.

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 2:02 p.m. CST


    by Vegas

    BiggerLarz, were you to ever come out in public so that we could meet you and decide how we feel about you as a person, perhaps then you would meet the Nordling and those of us who hung out with him at this BNAT and the three previous. If you can find an attendee of these festivals that has anything bad to say about the man, then I'll be surprised. He's one of those guys who is just fun to hang out with, if for no other reason than his enthusiasm for whatever he's doing at the moment is contagious. Just because he's a fan of this site, and because his love for film and all that comes with film festivals mirrors Harry's own, then you feel the need to rag on him. But what's really funny is the idea that he gives a shit. He sat 10 feet from Peter Jackson and Mel Gibson. Got to talk to both of them. Saw ROTK and THE PASSION before you did. And won a karaoke crowd over with, of all things, "Rainbow in the Dark." What'd you do this weekend?

  • Dec. 8, 2003, 4:30 p.m. CST

    Fuck contributions to society, fuck family, and "respect" is a w

    by FluffyUnbound

    You'll have to explain to me why those things are any better than starfucking and going to geek conventions before I can believe that you are cooler than Nordling. I'm not saying that they AREN'T better, I just want to hear your explanations for why they are.

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 6:38 a.m. CST


    by Elaine

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 10:46 a.m. CST


    by djinnj

    You mean you've never seen my site? It's not much, but I've posted pics of my assorted LotR craziness, all inspired by Harry's Marshmallow Balrog contest. It's at It's a free site, so it easily exceeds the permitted bandwidth if the pics get lots of hits. Luckily (?) it generally doesn't. I'm serious with the scarves idea, and there's pics of my knitting there too. Ooh, if only I could figure out a way to do the ring inscription on a moebius scarf... nah, no way to do the inscription reversible. Damn....

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 11:19 a.m. CST

    Tears of laughter, Djinnj

    by Elaine

    I saw (and had a good laugh over) the marshmallow Balrog and Nazgchicken photos back when Harry posted the results of his contests, and yes, I'd come across a few references to One-Ring Cakes, but no, I hadn't been to your site. I have now, and it's wonderful! The photos and the descriptions of the Balrog-making process had me in stitches. And as for the food... whoa. Some cake! I'm sure there's a theta missing somewhere, but wow, look at the calligraphy on that thing. Stunning stuff. Seems we have an artist as well as countless wordsmiths in our midst... Regarding the knitting, I love the Hamlet-themed scarf, which is very pretty indeed; like macram

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 11:24 a.m. CST

    glad you like the pics, Elaine!

    by djinnj

    I've been thinking, and I think I've hit upon a way to do the ring inscription on a reversible scarf. It would require a lot of embroidery though, so the contest would have to be 'worth it' as I really don't like stitchery. On the other hand, I think it'd look fantastic, so that's my next project (after the creampuff Shelob and figuring out my Lothlorien leaf pattern). Oh yes, I've lots of stuff that I could add to a TE Tolkien site, and all silly!

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 11:39 a.m. CST

    I'm confused

    by Lestat Jenkins

    Are you guys aware of how lame you are, or are you oblivious and think you're pretty cool? I mean, all this over some 3 hour skin flick? It doesn't even have Jenna.

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 11:39 a.m. CST

    Ring inscriptions on reversible scarves? A CREAMPUFF Shelob?

    by Elaine

    My God, Djinnj. If that's the future of Club Angband, I'm a believer! Bring it on, Bean! **** And on that note, I'm going to have me some dinner - non-ring-shaped, alas. Hmmm. Let's see, shall I honour the occasion by carving a little cave troll potato statuette? Or a nice and crumbly little Gandalf? Yeah, that might be fun. I wonder what kind of potatoes might be best suited to such an enterprise...

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 12:25 p.m. CST

    I can just imagine Elaine molding her mashed potatoes into the s

    by mortsleam

    Then saying, "This is important. This means something." Cue Close Encounters music. Great site, djinnj! You truly deserved to win for the Nazgchicken!

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 12:36 p.m. CST


    by djinnj

    Seems we've attracted an olog. Anyway, I recommend a russet potato, as they are starchy. Yes, a creampuff Shelob. I like the idea that you could stab it and goo would come out. Also, to conflate the idea of a child of Ungoliant, and well a pastry synonymous with whimpieness, just cracked me up. I've already built the frame so it can stand up, and I've an elaborate plan for articulating the legs. I've promised to make one for Trilogy Tuesday (breakfast!) and it's a prototype for a party I want to have next year in honor of the RotK:SEV. Sadly, most TEs probably live too far away to come! :( I'm not one for wearing costumes or putting on fake ears. I prefer feeding people until they're comatose, and wowing them with outrageous foodstuffs (as you've seen!).

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 12:42 p.m. CST


    by djinnj

    Why thanks, mortsleam! Funny enough, I haven't received the prize yet. I think it was forgotten 'cause it was out of stock when the contest ran. Anyway, I recently emailed Harry about it and he sent it on to the right place so it should arrive in time for Trilogy Tuesday, of all days! ---- OK, now I REALLY want bean to make that site, 'cause I have ALL sorts of goofy stuffy I could post.

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 1:18 p.m. CST

    Mashed potatoes? Mount Doom? You underestimate me, good Sir.

    by Elaine

    I was talking about the carving of actual, whole, peeled and cooked potatoes, not the moulding of mashed potatoes. But alas, the kind of potatoes I was having today were too crumbly to lend themselves to Great, Meaningful Sculptwork; mashing them might actually have produced better results. If I hadn't been suffering from dreadfully overblown Rodin delusions (inspired, no doubt, by Djinnj's magnificent artwork), I might have hit upon the idea, but alas, I was in an ambitious mood. Modesty, it affects us all! It is not too late, though - I'll give the mashing a try next time I eat potatoes, and who knows, maybe with a lot of practice I'll end up producing something resembling Mount Doom, with three dots of parsley on top to represent Frodo, Sam and Gollum. In fact, I think I'll keep at it for the next few weeks (buying a different kind of potato each week, just for the sake of research), and if the result is anything to be proud of (or to be sniggered at), I'll share it with you for laughs. You'll have to mentally provide the accompanying "2001: A Space Oddyssey" theme (TA-DAAAAA!) yourself! **** DJINJJ: I'll give the russet potato a shot when I'm not in the mood for mashing. What do you think? Even an unpractised sculptor should be able to turn an uncooked, starchy potato into a cave troll, shouldn't they? **** "I like the idea that you could stab it and goo would come out"...? That's got to be the best laugh I've had today, and I've had a few. I can just see you get out your miniature Sting (made, I assume, from a sculpted candy-stripe?) and stab gleefully at the poor thing. Whee!

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 1:34 p.m. CST

    heh, actually

    by djinnj

    I'm planning to bring a real knife. BUT, you know those hors d'oeuvre picks in the shape of little sabres? I'm planning to use those for serving. See, she'll be full of little round cream puffs, instead of an entire distended abdomen of pastry cream (just not practical and rather disgusting actually). So, we'll open her up and use the picks to retrieve the little puffs sitting in a bed of pastry cream (yum). Then we can cut apart the large puffs and eat those. All slathered with fudge sauce; rich chocolatey goodness....

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 2:10 p.m. CST

    Sounds fantastic, Djinnj. I wish I could be there!

    by Elaine

    And I don't think I'd mind an entire distended abdomen full of pastry cream, either. Nope, not at all. The more cream, the better! My cat agrees, and so, no doubt, will yours. But yeah, knives. I've got to agree, real knives will probably be better than candy-stripe knives. It's a pity you can't send weapons out of the country; I've actually got a few Tibetan daggers that look wonderfully Elvish. They might just be the perfect weapon with which to cut up Shelob. But I guess you'll just have to make do with a normal knife and sabre-shaped hors d'oeuvre picks... **** Have you ever tried baking Argonath cakes? Or knitted an "I survived the Bridge of Khazad-Dum/Helm's Deep/Mount Doom" pullover? My God, when I think of the wealth of ideas that's still out there... I might actually try some baking myself soon. Tee hee. Now that I've got your Tengwar chart...

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 2:33 p.m. CST

    funny you should mention it, Elaine

    by djinnj

    but I'm still debating in my head what to do about Orodruin. If the SEV comes out in winter, I'm pretty much going to do a Baked Orodruin, ie. a big ice cream mountain covered in merengue, pools of brandy made in spots and then torched. However, if it's warmer than that and I don't have the great freezer known as the outdoors, I was thinking of going for those single serving chocolate cakes with the molten chocolate center (there's a recipe on in Alton Brown's section). These could be stacked into a mountainous shape, covered with merengue and torched just like the ice cream version. Only problem is that this one needs to be served immediately upon baking, whereas the ice cream version could be shaped days ahead. --- I'm also planning a fords of Bruinen punch with Morgul blade ice. I've this interesting food grade moulding compound which will let me make ice cube trays.... Did I mention I'm crazy? Or, no, better to say 'obsessed.' Yes, indeed....

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 4:01 p.m. CST

    "Obsessed" is the word, Djinnj

    by Elaine

    But while some obsessions are destructive, others are pure fun, and yours sounds like a lot of fun - both for yourself and those you cook for. Last thing I heard, the "Return of the King" EE was due to be released in August, so it'll be a chocolate cake Orodruin, I think. Oh, well - nothing wrong with a huge, flaming chocolate cake, is there? **** Personally, I think I'll start working on a Dead Marshes soup one of these days, with assorted bits of green stuff as well as pale pieces of flesh, to be served on a candle-lit table to get a feel of the Dead Marshes atmosphere. Would you happen to know where I can find dead but well-preserved warriors, preferably pre-cut into bite-size chunks? Or closed eyes that spontaneously open when you stare at them too long? You seem the right person to ask. (And don't tell me to use unmarinated chicken instead of dead-warrior flesh. It's not the same thing, and you know it.)

  • Dec. 9, 2003, 7:12 p.m. CST

    my own plans for the marshes

    by djinnj

    is hummus and babaganoush swirled around a shallow dish, with lemon juice and olive oil drizzled over it for that wet and muddy look, and perhaps a bit of chopped parsley for a touch of green. The seeds in the eggplant can represent dead eyes.... I'm planning guacamole similarly displayed, drizzled with lots of lime juice for Midgewater. I'm inclined to think a white fleshed fish or perhaps a shellfish would do well as 'mock warrior' meat. It would be pale and sickly looking without actually tasting bad!

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 1:04 a.m. CST


    by djinnj

    I was wondering where everyone was. Elaine and I posted in a few sites that we'd be here (fewer olog-hai, shorter list). Mea culpa!

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 1:05 a.m. CST

    and incidentally,

    by djinnj

    I'M a yank! (and I meant tb not site before). Check out my email addy!

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 1:10 a.m. CST

    although, looking 'round

    by djinnj

    I think there are more TEs in the tb regarding the Hobbit....

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:08 a.m. CST


    by Runelord


  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:36 a.m. CST

    Rune, do you honestly need to ask

    by djinnj

    when Elaine and I are discussing creampuff Shelob's, Flaming Orodruins and how to make an edible marsh? I think your contributions would be marvelous. I believe raw_bean is hoping to create a forum to preserve the irreverent and yet devoted expressions of fan appreciation such as have been percolating through the TBs. Since there's to be a section of haiku and limmericks, I think sillieness and wit are to be a primary function of the site!

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:42 a.m. CST

    oh dear,

    by djinnj

    I just realized I misread your post, Rune (clearly I need to get some sleep!). And a lack of guffaws isn't a problem. It's just a place to convene when this one dries up, and a quiet little nook of the internet for bean, Elaine and I to learn Quenya. I know he's hoping that lots of conversations will take place, and he's already asked if TEs would be willing to submit articles to spur discussion. So serious stuff is certainly part of the picture. If we went to any of the existing fan sites, we'd get sucked up into the faceless masses (I've been bopping around lately, and it's huge). Anyway, for myself, I'm only good at the silly stuff. If I could do serious art, I would, but I'm a copiest at heart and an artisan not an artist, so that's what I can contribute.

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Djinnj & Rune

    by Elaine

    DJINNJ: White-fleshed fish? Of course. Why didn't I come up with that myself? And I guess I could try chicken after all if I ever get bored of fish. Aubergine seeds for eyes sounds excellent to me. Better than sheep's eyes or other such unsavoury suggestions. **** Swirls of hummus with olive oil and lemon juice? Yep, sounds suitably yucky to me - I mean, er, delightfully yucky. Mind you, you WILL have a sign reading, "Minno mellyn a mae mado" on the door when you serve this feast, won't you? The meal won't be complete without one! **** RUNE: I'm sure we'll all appreciate some serious art after all the goofy stuff that people look set to donate, so go on, dust off that pencil and provide us with some unwacky art! And are you sure you don't feel like taking that Quenya course with us? Don't worry about prolonged absences; judging from what I know of myself, and what I've heard from Bean en Djinnj, we'll all have our little Balrog-fighting ordeals every now and then, and we'll return from them more powerful and steadfast than before. Come on - the more, the merrier!

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 10:39 a.m. CST

    Welcome back Rune!

    by mortsleam

    I was beginning to wonder whether anyone would show up here. Not that I mind listening in on djinnj and Elaine's Middle Earth Comestibles Show, mind you, but it's making me awfully hungry! I think it would be best to stay here for the time being, as it's the quietest of the TB's. But everyone should at least make their way to the Hobbit TB to give their opinion of my opinion of PJ directing. *** cutest: djinnj is not a dude, dude, much like you're not Jeri Ryan. As for Club Angband, I welcome any opportunity to extend our little tailend chats, but you should all be aware that I'm only comfortable popping in to make the occasional sarcastic comment. So don't come looking to me to submit any scholarly essays. On the other hand, if you're looking for Samuel L. Jackson-as-Gandalf quotes...

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 10:40 a.m. CST

    Or you could ask Eowyn for her secret recipe, Elaine and djinnj

    by Sabster

    Your Dead Marshes soup had me in stitches! And so did your site, djinnj, great stuff! I

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 10:48 a.m. CST

    Hey mortsleam, what about those lyrics....

    by Sabster once promised for such classics as

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 11:08 a.m. CST

    er, to finish my last post

    by Sabster

    what I wanted to say was: if it was you, mort, you could contribute them to the club Angband site. We don

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 11:08 a.m. CST


    by mortsleam

    I believe it was Ingold that first apologized if his posts were full of uninteresting suckiness. I on the other hand gleefully reveled in the uninteresting suckiness of my posts. As for Captain Faramir's Lonely Southern Rangers Band...I'm sorry to say I lost the document in a virus-related computer "scouring." I was about halfway done too! If anyone happens to have a list of my original songtitles (I can't even remember what TB it was on! Damn the leaky batteries in my photographic memory) I could probably reconstruct them in time for the premiere of (or whatever the eventual name is.)

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 11:55 a.m. CST


    by djinnj

    I hadn't thought about a sign (good thought), Elaine. I am definitly planning a ME map tablecloth. I'm still debating the source map (I've reconstructed the ones at the back of LotR to be one big map), but I've the fabric already. Regarding foodstuffs, it's all about scale. Real eyes (just as real dead warriors) are just too big! I'd suggest a clear soup made with lots of a chopped dark green veggie, like escarole, that can take some cooking and still tastes good when it gets to that olive color (and incidentally tints the broth). May I suggest adding rice for a sub-surface layer? Actually, a mixture of non-white rices (wild rice, black, red, etc) cooked until they burst, would give it some texture and color without ever breaking the surface or thickening the soup. Also, black rice would tint the broth purplish. A wonderful murky yet clear soup could evolve! And, with fish, the seasonings could go the ginger-lime juice-cilantro route or the garlic-white wine-parsley route.... And lots of pepper of course. OK, no I'm getting hungry.... ---- Thanks, Sabster. And I love "uninteresting suckiness" it is a perfect phrase! I will hereby refer to all my boring stuff by said phrase. We must find Ingold and bring him up to date on the plans. A wall builder would be handy, no? ---- Oh oh! mortsleam! Please, do the songs. Dredge your memory, they sound fabulous! ---- cutest, no prob. User ID and first name confuse everyone. ---- I'm seeing FotR t'night! After my LAST CLASS of the semester, whoopeee! Urg, of course, I've a term paper due Monday, but what'a'that? Damnit, why can't my U offer a Tolkien class? What a great way to use up one of my English Lit. requirements that would be....

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Sounds like a cookbook is in order, djinnj!

    by mortsleam

    Thankfully I just came back from lunch, so I'm not haunted by thoughts of delicious Dead Marsh Soup. Perhaps you should add some morels, both to suggest the weight of fallen eleven warriors and so you can call it "Dead Marsh-room Soup." I'm sorry, really, I'll stop now...

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Oh the ignominy...

    by mortsleam

    Just did a quick backcheck under Keyword Search to try and find my song titles. Forgot it's all gone. All of it. Anyone fortuitously save any of that stuff?...Ingold?...Bueller?

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 1:42 p.m. CST

    Hola, Walrus

    by Runelord

    Lord of the Motherf**kin

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 1:55 p.m. CST

    Tailender homepage

    by Runelord


  • Dec. 10, 2003, 1:57 p.m. CST

    Sorry, mort

    by Runelord

    No go this time - my files were also flushed. The Uruk-haikus were all I could give you.

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:19 p.m. CST

    Thanks anyway Rune

    by mortsleam

    Those were the motherfucking days indeed. Speaking of which, whatever happened to my potty mouth? All of you loquacious well-learned-ass bastards must have scoured the fuck right out of me. One more thing I'll have to take up again now that I'm once more imbibing caffeine. (It's my pwesent for finishing Physical Therapy. Yay stimulants!) As for Cpt. Faramir, I've made a preliminary list, with the obvious ones: Being for the Benefit of Mr. Frodo, He's Leaving Hobbiton, Fixing a Hobbit-Hole, Lovely Eowyn Sheildmaid, A Little Help From My Fellowship, but I'm still working on the rest. Hey morGoth? MorGoth? MORGOTH!!!! You around, man? What was the name of the Lucy In The Sky parody you came up with that set the whole thing off?

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:24 p.m. CST

    Mofo - where's the WEDNESDAY countdown???

    by Wall Builder

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:34 p.m. CST

    Hmmmmm .... a Tailender site?

    by Wall Builder

    where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, INGOLD suggested it months ago TO NO RESPONSE! Of course, I volunteered Miami, Elanor or MorGoth to do all the work. Also, I have a wont (yes, I'm taking liberties w/the word now) to join late and post when noone is there ... so likely it went without notice. After no interest was shown in the site idea, I decided to do the "Memories of a TailEnder", or "how I stopped working whilst at my job and started wasting time posting on AICN" book. quest. thingy. But alas, the banning of Ingold took the wind out of THAT sail too. For solace, I next checked TORN's greenbooks to view my (w/MorGy) entry of "Balrog Blitz" - and it is gone too. Ahhh well, what's a poor wallbuilder to do. I must be content w/my coining of uninteresting suckiness and Balrog Udders (wouldn't my parents be so proud?) ********** However - Bean, I applaud the idea, and your obvious qualifications for the job. I have a few suggestions, which I shall post ... ummmm posthaste

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Damnit, Wallbuilder

    by Runelord


  • Dec. 10, 2003, 2:50 p.m. CST

    Ahh, found you all!

    by raw_bean

    Every time I neglect AICN for a day or two, everyone buggers off somewhere new. I could get the wrong impression! :) ----- Don't have long to catch up now (I'll come back later this evening), but I'm happy to see ideas flowing for Club Angband. I now have new drive to create this site, if only to show djinnj's wonderful Nazgul riding a chicken photo that she sent me to as many people as possible! Keep thinking about it folks, and now that I'm here be sure to let me know any thoughts or suggestions you have for it. ----------- Incidentally Ingold, I too have been known to pop into long defunct TBs, and I have a hazy memory of reading a suggestion (probably yours) that sowed the seeds for this crazy idea. So, although I only just remembered it now, I think you may well have at least partly inspired this idea in me so you can take some credit. :)

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Just quickly....

    by raw_bean

    "I believe raw_bean is hoping to create a forum to preserve the irreverent and yet devoted expressions of fan appreciation such as have been percolating through the TBs. Since there's to be a section of haiku and limmericks, I think sillyness and wit are to be a primary function of the site!" -- Exactly, djinnj! And Runelord, any contributions would be most welcome. :) ------------- Hiya cutest. We got knocked out when I forgot the answer and said that YOU were the worlds smelliest bottom-burp. Sorry fella! ;) --- (Incidentally, I realise that quote is probably mangled, it's been a while!)

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 3:16 p.m. CST


    by raw_bean

    Club Angband as run by me will always have a place for Sam Jackson as Gandalf riffs!

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 3:24 p.m. CST

    Bean ol' chap

    by Wall Builder

    "Bean the TailEnder" always reminds me of "Bean of Ender's Game". Anyway - I think the site is a great idea. I'd vote for a posting format like aicn, (sans hosing, if you please) where one could read all posts easily together. I hate sites with numerous threads all happening simultaneously (what a dumb word THAT is to write). That format seems harder to follow / easier to miss what's going on. HOWEVER, it would be great to have a section or three dedicated to other subjects, perhaps not talkback, but simply to archive posts, such as one for limericks, recipes, songs, artwork, Moot dates (see below), address book, links, etc. (you could do a "guess the movie quote" section, where Ingold posts a quote and noone responds. Just like old times! :)) Perhaps many here would not frequent as often after ROTK, hence the scheduled Moots. Maybe have one monthly, or a few throughout the year (Bilbo's birthday, etc) when everyone gets back in together. That way those that want to, can post daily - but those who drop in randomly can still benefit, and plan their randomness to coincide w/the moot. ********** Obviously it will be some work, and since Gondor's wallbuilding internships did not offer classes on website building (I'll need to speak to the union about that), Ingold will support Bean and the powers-that-be final decision.

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 3:35 p.m. CST

    Runelord, Mortsleam

    by Wall Builder

    Runelord: ooooooo, get yer mad self in this pool (name THAT movie quote). my old email missed a lot, but the new & improved ingold123 email gets it all. (BTW - thanks to all who forwarded Beans email!) ****** mortsleam: song titles? whatchu talkin bout? I do have a few TB's cut & pasted, and would be happy to peruse - let me know what & approx where.

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 3:40 p.m. CST

    Miami of the Mofo's

    by Wall Builder

    Man, Miami, you ROCK! What a classy and thoughtful little mofo you are! Mailman made my day, (month of days!). Yes, it was a frist and will be treasured (an heirloom to my kindred). Sincere thanks. ******* oh, and again, where's the Wednesday Dedication? I can't get on with my wednesday activities without that jumpstart. Don't leave us hangin'!

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 4 p.m. CST

    Nazgul chicken?

    by Runelord

    Angband: home of the bizarre. Now I

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 4:05 p.m. CST


    by mortsleam

    (Notice as I conveniently ignore your movie quote which I can

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 6:52 p.m. CST

    mortsleam, I found them!!!!!

    by Sabster

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 6:55 p.m. CST

    oh, the irony of it - ok, I

    by Sabster

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 6:58 p.m. CST

    HOSED - anybody here who

    by Sabster

    so eine bescheuerte

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 7:16 p.m. CST

    ...and you thought YOU were a Tolkien geek?

    by Wall Builder has some of the demo video entries to their contest. Man, is that stuff funny. I know some of you entered the contest, right? Pallando, is that you doing the Legolas staff-spinning bit? MorGy on the guitar? check it out. here's the link /features/form.adp ?id=1070480791,0 (remove spaces after "com" and "dp") then click "watch highlight reel.

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 7:35 p.m. CST

    Luthien in the sky with Silmarils

    by raw_bean

    would have been the best that I could have come up with, unfortunately. Sounds like it was a very funny chat. --------- So, we've got Club Agband, wth a primary section where an article is produced that we use as a starting point for a Talkback type thingy, plus regular Tailender Moots where we get together to catch up, a languages section (CALA was interesting, who suggested that again?) where Elaine, djinnj and I (and anyone else who's interested) meet to discuss our language studies, Merry & Pippin's corner for off-topic (and possibly off-colour!) rambling and nonsense, the Uruk-haiku section for the poetry, a picture section for amusing/serious photos/artwork, and regular competitions (poetry/jokes/LOTR-as-some-random-film quotes/cooking/artwork/whatever-else-seemed-intersting-at-the-time), and NO HOSING. Anything else anyone can think of, and is this going in the right direction? ---- Damn shame about that last one, my problem solving nature nearly had me salivating at the prospect of trying to come up with the complex and ingenius code that could cause the deletion of some posts to make subsequent posts appear in random places, or reset to the top, or start building up in reverse order, or all of the above. It must have been fiendishly difficult to get the simple system of a list of posts ordered by the date of submission to screw up so badly from time to time. ------ Whoever says sarcasm is the lowest form of humour just doesn't have a good comeback. :)

  • I tried to say: Luthien in the sky with Silmarils would have been the best that I could have come up with, unfortunately. Sounds like it was a very funny chat. --------- So, we've got Club Agband, wth a primary section where an article is produced that we use as a starting point for a Talkback type thingy, plus regular Tailender Moots where we get together to catch up, a languages section (CALA was interesting, who suggested that again?) where Elaine, djinnj and I (and anyone else who's interested) meet to discuss our language studies, Merry & Pippin's corner for off-topic (and possibly off-colour!) rambling and nonsense, the Uruk-haiku section for the poetry, a picture section for amusing/serious photos/artwork, and regular competitions (poetry/jokes/LOTR-as-some-random-film quotes/cooking/artwork/whatever-else-seemed-intersting-at-the-time), and NO HOSING. Anything else anyone can think of, and is this going in the right direction? ---- Damn shame about that last one, my problem solving nature nearly had me salivating at the prospect of trying to come up with the complex and ingenius code that could cause the deletion of some posts to make subsequent posts appear in random places, or reset to the top, or start building up in reverse order, or all of the above. It must have been fiendishly difficult to get the simple system of a list of posts ordered by the date of submission to screw up so badly from time to time. ------ Whoever says sarcasm is the lowest form of humour just doesn't have a good comeback. :)

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 7:43 p.m. CST

    Gaffer sneaks in near Nobottle!

    by morGoth

    CALA: Club Angband Learning Annex. Yes, I rather like that O Tusked One. Hey! Since when are blobulant flipper rats allergic to the letter g ? And thankee kindly for the Club Angband idea {[:^) JD is preparing a new Cave Complex near The Gothmog Memorial Fountain. Think of it! The Learning and

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 7:52 p.m. CST

    Well if it isn't the most esteemed patron of Club Angband himsel

    by raw_bean

    Howdy fella! I really would like you to be quite heavily involved in the site morG, it just won't be the same without your warmth and humour. I think if anyone would stand a chance of holding the Tailenders together after the drying up of AICN articles it'd be you. Not wanting to turn you too much of an embarrased shade of pink soot. :)

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 7:54 p.m. CST

    TRY-AND-FIND-THIS-POST. Anyway, goodnight all.

    by raw_bean

    Keep thinking of how you would want Club Angband to be, and keep giving me feedback. :)

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 8:31 p.m. CST

    sabster - thanks for the insult in german!

    by Wall Builder

    I pasted it (so eine bescheuerte

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 8:33 p.m. CST

    well, whadya know

    by Wall Builder

    back to the bottom. my response to Sabster referred to the "lost posts" batched above.

  • Dec. 10, 2003, 10:38 p.m. CST

    Picture yourself in a boat on the Anduin...

    by elanor

    I wish I remembered more but that's how it started.***Hola! How nice to find you all here. Well, not quite all...yet! Poor poor Ingold. Yes, I remember your site suggestion but, you know, dear, it's...timing! Just like LOTR might have been made by John Boorman in the 80's or into a single movie by Miramax in the late 90's, but, no, the timing wasn't right. I love the idea but I agree that the danger is only in things becomming too staid. Sometimes, a little dose of trolling is good for a tb. (Not a whole roomfull and not Grim-dud). How about a "Troll of the Week" contest? We could impersonate famous rants of the past and people could try to guess which of us is hiding behind the mask. (no fair clicking on the name to check the e-dress!)***djinnj and Elaine, that was a great recipe read! You are both giving me ideas for some concoctions of my own. I'll let you know how that proceeds.***FYI, Variety gave LOTR a great review. And I am now lovingly collecting the ads that have begun to appear. Oh boy, a mere WEEK from now it will be ours! OURS!

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 1:05 a.m. CST

    It sounds great, bean!

    by djinnj

    I offer up all my recipes and their pictures and construction instructions (when required) for a recipe page (or a recipe sub-section). Not only that, I offer up my diabo-, erm, experience to help devise new recipes with anyone who's interested! Just 'cause MY swamp is a vegetarian dip doesn't mean YOURS has to be! *lighting zap sound from bad infomercial* But what would we call that section? CACA to go with CALA (which I LOVE by the way, "the CALA loonies are embroiled again. Such a strange group, declining at every occasion...."). The *ahem* subtext of the suggested title IS intentional. ---- MORTSLEAM, you've beaten me to the mushrooms! I was thinking generic white button mushrooms. They turn a sort of khaki color when cooked (the less cooked, the paler and 'floatier' :P ), and could be cut into vaguely 'people' shaped pieces.... ALSO, portobello mushrooms are known for turning everything they are cooked with a murkey brown color. So there's an alternative for coloring the broth! Hmm, I really do think about food too much. It's the hobbit in me.... ---- SABSTER! I have real issues with the 'stew' in that scene. What person doesn't taste his or her cooking during preparation? And, the pale floaty bits looked like chunks of bread which didn't aught to be there, no matter how bad a cook she's supposed to be. And if it was bread, it wouldn't have been inedible, just depressingly bland if the soup was flavorless. I've heard the opinion that they were chunks of undercooked fat, but that doesn't wash. Undercooked fat doesn't look like that and thoroughly cooked fat doesn't hold with the overall undercooked nature of the rest of the soup. Harrumph. ---- RUNE! you can see the Nazgchicken and my other stuff at my website: . There's all sorts of craziness there. ---- Today was a banner day. Last day of classes. Received Ringwraith on steed (the poor delivery person was actually trying to walk up the driveway carrying the enormous box, because he didn't think he could get his van up it. My driveway is REALLY long! and all uphill!). It is enormous and beautiful and now displayed next to the Nazgchicken wraith (sans chicken, of course). And I saw FotR in the theater! It, as elanor has said, is fantastic. I agree with it feeling well-paced(not overloaded at all). And it's nice to have overwhelming fight scenes again. There's something about the size of the screen that makes keeping track of what's going on much more difficult during the fast intercutting. I love how a bit of an image will stick out and then get overwhelmed with motion and then another bit will stick out, etc. Gorgeous. Also as elanor mentioned, the sound quality is such that you can hear all sorts of subdued bits like background conversations MUCH more clearly. I also caught Frodo's 'huh' and the hobbits griping 'round the campfire in Midgewater was actually intelligible. Wonderful as it is, I'm a little disappointed with the print. The Shire scenes in the beginning (exteriors at least) were much dimmer than the DVD. I know that it is a different viewing medium of a projected image vs images made up of dots of light, but it lacked that end of summer idyllic sort of glow that the DVD conveys so well. Still rich and lush, but of a more subdued green with much less gold in it, and downright dark in places. It felt like a slightly overcast day for much of it. That and towards the end the print or perhaps the projector intruded glowing vertical lines over part of Frodo and Boromir and during most of the last fight scene. I'm not sure if the print was damaged or if it's a projector problem. I suppose I'll find out when I see TTT on Fri! Still, me and the ~35 other people in the theater had a good time, and snickered in all the right spots. Pretty good considering I'm reasonably sure we're all entirely familiar with it already!

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 8:42 a.m. CST

    More song titles

    by Elaine

    DJINNJ: I'm afraid I'm all reciped-out for the moment, but I loved your recipe for a Dead Marshes soup. I'll be sure to give it a try one of these days. Thanks! ***** INGOLD & MORTSLEAM: Guys, I love your slightly modified song titles. I can't come up with any of that ilk myself, but I do have a few existing titles that might inspire budding song-writers to lyrical outpourings: Radiohead's "Paranoid android" (Gollum's theme), The Cult's "She Sells Sanctuary" (Galadriel's theme), David Bowie's "The Man Who Sold the World" (Saruman's theme), David Bowie's "Lady Stardust" (Arwen's theme), Brian Ferry's "Let's Stick Together" (Frodo and Sam's theme), the Beatles' "Long and Winding Road" (Bilbo's theme), Kate Bush's "Running Up That Hill (Gimli's theme), The Smiths' "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" (the Light of Earendil theme), The Smiths' "Half a Person" (the hobbits' theme), Placebo's "Without You I'm Nothing" (Frodo's ode to Sam), ABBA's "The Day Before You Came" (Frodo's wistful recollection of the day before Gandalf came to Hobbiton bearing ill tidings), Aimee Mann's "All Over Now" (take your pick), The Smiths' "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" (ditto) and finally, for those of you who witnessed the anti-Arabic talkback a few days ago, The Cure's "Killing an Arab" (the Southrons' theme). Am I on the right track? **** More creative ideas: if anyone has a fish tank, he/she could do it up like Beleriand just after the flood, with nice little ruins floating around and all. I'd love to see a photo of that! **** DJINNJ: I'm all for CALA and CACA. Sounds great! **** BEAN: Like most others, it seems, I prefer AICN-style talkbacks to threads. And I love Ingold's moot idea. **** SABSTER: If/when Club Angband comes into being, I'll be delighted to teach a course in Colourful Dutch, and I promise I'll make it as colourful as a certain's wizard's cloak. Heh!

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 8:46 a.m. CST


    by Elaine

    Just thought I'd point that out.

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 10:43 a.m. CST

    Just in case you ever find this djinnj,

    by raw_bean

    I thought the lumps in Eowyn's stew looked like shellfish, unlikely as that would be. As for tasting your own cooking, my elder sister tastes her cooking, finds it tasty, but refuses to EVER put any salt in anything. While she can be perfectly happy with something she's made, the rest of us HAVE to season it in order to be able to eat it! ------ As for CACA (Club Angband Cooking Association, I suppose?), no problemo! Although, with the list of sections growing, I think I'll have to start with the basics and add extra stuff one stage a a time.

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 11:10 a.m. CST

    Thanks Sabs!

    by mortsleam

    Nice to see how far off I was on some of those "Obvious" titles. With Ent Without Ent. Ha. I'm funny.

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Some translatory ramblings

    by Sabster

    Hi ya, Ingold, glad you liked my little outburst of annoyance and frustration. I have to admit I was slightly drunk when I wrote it [carol singing at a pub, and the singers got paid in kind, need I say more?] and it

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 4:51 p.m. CST

    nothing to say, just wondering where this post will go!

    by djinnj

    They's all over the place, they is!

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 7:05 p.m. CST

    Well, I've just got back from the cinema, and what have I learne

    by raw_bean

  • Dec. 11, 2003, 7:08 p.m. CST

    Oops, just to continue: Master & Commander = Damn Fine Film

    by raw_bean

    Wherein: despite excellent acting by Russel Crwowe and the whole supporting cast Paul Bettany totally stole the film, the actor who played Mr Blakeney managed to pull off the first well-acted, non-cheesy kid-in-a-grown-up-film role I've seen in ages, and ex-Hobbit Billy Boyd (he looks funny at normal size!) prooves that, unlike Sean Connery, he *can* put aside his native Scottish accent for a film role.

  • Dec. 25, 2003, 3:54 p.m. CST

    The Holiday Down Under

    by Runelord

  • Dec. 25, 2003, 3:56 p.m. CST


    by Runelord

  • Dec. 25, 2003, 3:58 p.m. CST

    The Holiday Down Under

    by Runelord