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Harry checks out the 1st two nights of the BATTLESTAR GALACTICA miniseries + Seymour Butts' FAMILY BUSINESS on Showtime

Published at: Nov. 13, 2003, 2:22 a.m. CST

I don’t often write about Television, mainly because I just would rather dedicate my energies into talking about film, but today when a group of DVD screeners arrived… all of which were for TV stuff, I decided to go ahead, put em in the machine and give em a whir.

First up was a 2 DVD screener of Sci-Fi Channel’s BATTLESTAR GALACTICA miniseries’ first two nights. I’m not entirely sure why Sci-Fi Channel would be sending the show out in this state. With incomplete visual effects, and incomplete sound and score. What I saw was absolutely unredeemably BORING!

It starts off with a lame set up where the screen tells us that humans created the Cylons, that they were initially our servants, then our military, then they turned on us. Then there was a huge war, then there was peace and there was little po-dunk space station set up in the middle of nowhere, as a place for Cylons and Men to meet to discuss their problems. THEN – after like 39 years of not showing up, the Cylons finally show up. Then two cg Cylons walk through a door followed by a blonde… She goes over to the human representative, asks if he’s alive… begins Frenching him with extra tongue and dick massage (no kidding) then as the guy is about to blow his load, this Cylon Star Base thingee sends a missile to destroy the space station.

That’s right… Cylons have developed femme bots! And we see her all over the place fucking, crossing and uncrossing her legs, pushing cleavage at folks, massaging inner thighs… My favorite bit with her is when Baltar tears off her black cellophane panties, and robowhore rips off his pants and begins to do the grinding cowgirl on him as she begins to take off her black cellophane bra, the camera goes around back to see her writhing back… she’s moaning about how HOT she’s getting, how incredibly HOT he’s making her feel… and that’s when her spine begins to do the Cylon red pulse. Honest… No really, that’s what happens!

Now, lest you think it’s just Cylons that are sex crazed. There’s sex all over the Battlestar Galactica. First off, this blonde they have playing Starbuck looks like some crazed Dirk Benedict breeding experiment gone wrong. With huge boobs and raisin nips and chomping a cigar, she has all the charisma of the typical PRICE IS RIGHT contestant. That may, in fact, be totally unfair to her. She’s got these big expressive eyes and this SMILEX smile, but she’s given utter dreck to speak… and has nobody to interact with.

The actor they have playing Apollo makes Richard Hatch look like the most expressive actor of all time. Jamie plays Apollo like a sore-loser with a major stick up his ass. He doesn’t really have any friends, doesn’t like or respect his father and doesn’t have that lone wolf kinda cool with which to pull that sort of loner existence off. Instead he’s played as cardboard.

There’s a history between him and Starbuck, as… according to a locker room photo, Starbuck apparently was boinking Apollo’s dead brother. There’s a beginning of attraction between these two, but you only really know that because she stares after him and the camera holds on her as if to say… “She Cares! She’s Human! She needs dick!” And we know that’s what it is, because about 5 seconds after we cut from her, we’re on either the Blonde fuck-bot or Bang Bang BOOMER -- who seems to have a love thing going on board the ship as well.

Gotta love the discipline on this BATTLESTAR! I mean, this is a MILITARY SHIP. On a MILITARY SHIP there would be sexual tension, but it would be held back for LEAVE situations, not for intra-ship corridor sex. Felt like everytime you’d turn your head, there’d be some character pushing some character up against a wall to devour.

Mary McDonnell is playing her scenes like a dried up shrew. She’s got cancer and wants computers on the ship. She sits down with little kids on straggler ships and gives them comfort before abandoning them to Cylon missile attacks, which… oh btw, they’re just gonna cut to a WHITE SCREEN and not show the explosions, the terror, the fear. Matter of fact, you won’t even see the impacts… Ultimately, you’ll see more tongue wagging than space battles in these first two episodes.

I’m sure the visual effects will look good when they’re done, at this point, they’re very rough, but the sounds are limp, of course they’re temps, and the soundtrack is temped with atonal crap. If you watch the space stuff and start whistling the original music, you might… for a second or two fool yourself into thinking this shit don’t stink… but then you’re back to characters that don’t work, badly lit interior sets that look and feel cheap, costumes that are flat and unappealing, and zero atmosphere.

Everything about this show is about emphasizing the “sexual” nature of the show, as opposed to the desperation of their situation, the tragedy that befell their world, there really is nothing to communicate the cool rag-tag vibe you got from the original show. Also, this thing is drab and lifeless. When they sit around and play cards, it’s on a tiny set… no singing, no bar, no real size to it. Feels like they took the actors and a card table to a back office and shot it as an insert. Hell, Starbuck’s cigar isn’t even lit.

OH… and that’s another thing, the jargon on this show is just all sorts of fucked up. In Night 2, when Adama is looking for weapons on a space station in the middle of some nebula that fucks with Cylon circuitry… As they dock, Adama tells his crew to get on that station and get him some “BULLETS!” Bullets? Yeah, Bullets. More like Bullshit to me. Oh and that’s another thing… This show also seems to relish cussing anytime they get a chance. So watching Starbuck talk about higher ranked assholes… well if that floats your boat, you’ll probably love this shit.

What about Edward James Olmos? I love this actor, but here… here he’s sleepwalking. Of course he’s surrounded by substandard acting and ludicrous dialogue. The “poignant” scenes between his son and him just play like bad Day-Time Soap Opera filler shit you’re stuck watching in a hospital room while a doctor probes for nodules where nodules sometimes grow.

I will tell ya what though… This crap show did do one thing for me. It made me instantly buy that big ol box set of the originals. In the format that I saw it, there was absolutely not a single redeemable feature. The effects were not done, so I can’t say… “well it looked cool” and the sound effects were lame and unfinished, so I can’t say… “well it sounded cool” and the score is claimed to be temp… so that atonal shite definitely wasn’t doing anything for me.

A complete waste of time.

MEANWHILE… SHOWTIME sent me an episode of FAMILY BUSINESS, which is apparently coming out on DVD and is a reality television show about the life of the infamous Porn Guru – Seymour Butts. Specifically the episode they sent has Seymour Butts making his kid breakfast and a sack lunch with a cute cartoon character. Then we see him scoping out babes on an internet dating service. He’s got two blind dates this day, plus he’s got to screen some girls to see if they’re Porn material.

The show features explicit nudity and sexual situations without ever going hard hardcore. On this episode there is never any penetration or that sort of thing, though you will see some fucking on the show. More than that though, this is about Seymour and how he (real name ADAM) gets through the day. His first date is terrible, as soon as he tells her what he does, she gets indignant and judgmental, yet lets him pick up lunch. The second date is weirded out, but goes along with him for an emergency editorial meeting, where she watches him basically deal with his editor, who has a problem with the material not being hot enough. She’s stunned, and you get the idea that she’s never seen porn before. It’s not her thing and he drives her back to her truck.

Poor Seymour. The thing is… the show shows that people in the Porn industry seem to have a more professional and real nuanced sense about themselves than the characters in the BATTLESTAR GALACTICA series… and while none of the blondes fucking on this show have a glowy red spinal column, you do get to see their tits, so it’s all up to you… Glowy red spinal column or various nude breasts?

Seymour Butts would be a better Apollo than the actor those nimrods hired. I really can’t believe I liked a reality show about a Porn Star looking for love and respect more than I did BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. God they fucked up BATTLESTAR GALACTICA!

Next I’m off to watch something else SHOWTIME sent me about a Soldier falling in love with a Transgendered Stripper. I don’t get SHOWTIME, but is this what is on SHOWTIME these days? So weird.

Readers Talkback

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  • Nov. 13, 2003, 2:29 a.m. CST

    May god have mercy on their souls

    by TheMatarife

    Jesus, poor battlestar.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Is this for real!?

    by NicholasWolfwood

    Awww man I can't believe the "re-envisioned" BG is that bad! I'll bet we'll hear all the naysayers say "toldya so toldya so!"

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 3:10 a.m. CST

    The Cylons are smart.

    by Fred

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 3:39 a.m. CST

    His real name is ADAM GLASSER

    by DawnOfTheDead

    Harry, you dumbfuck. You obviously couldn't tear yourself away from tongueing the last drop out of your can of 'Beanie Weenie' to pay attention. I forgot how in tune you really arent with pop culture.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 4:19 a.m. CST

    Johnny Suede

    by neonixon

    they already made a film for you its called Howling 2, and believe me thats the only reason to watch it.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 4:20 a.m. CST

    And

    by neonixon

    dear christ on a stick, why make Battlestar porn? reminds me when Outer Limits became THAT show where the only reason teenage boys watch it was for the t&a

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 4:35 a.m. CST

    DawnoftheDead...

    by IamMacGuffin

  • Sounds like the fond memories of fan boys are going to get ass raped. Bend over guys, 'cuase here comes the SciFi network with a 36" strap-on.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 4:43 a.m. CST

    DawnoftheDead...

    by IamMacGuffin

    Why is Harry a dumbass just because he doesn't mention Adam's full name? For a guy in a wheelchair, you can be pretty judgemental. BTW, I know people who work on Family Business and the funny think is, that it's all scripted (but what reality show isn't) Adam doesn't even own the business anymore since he went bankrupt. His mom and his cousin don't work for him, it's all put on for the sake of the show. Aparently Adam hates working on the show and argues with the producers constantly. Now that would make good TV.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 4:48 a.m. CST

    that bites

    by RightNutofGod

    Next you're gonna tell me "Master and Commander" is some kinda gay porno.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 5:40 a.m. CST

    by bigbartender

    What else do you expect from this network, they canceled Farscape.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 7:11 a.m. CST

    What could have been great television (oxymoron?) is now soundin

    by TheAquabatman

    Who's writing this f*cked up story. man, couldnt someone Tell them at the writing stage that they were going completely way off. Are you sure this show wasnt written for the fricken Playboy channel. Damn I love tit and A, but this was our one chance to see a cool storyline resurrected. the cool cylons, second to cyberman bot in fear factor, all messed up. Whatta gip.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 7:35 a.m. CST

    Battlestar Craptica

    by gangstah

    I've been expecting something different and I was going to give it a chance...but man...now. Lorne Greene is spinning like a drill bit now.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 7:41 a.m. CST

    The original "Galactica" was some of the crappiest SciFi ever wr

    by the G-man

    And damn if they didn't actually remake it as something even crappier.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 8:10 a.m. CST

    I'm still gonna wait and see it for myself.

    by Sith Lord Sauron

    I'm sorry, but the origional Galactica was undeniably crap--and this is from someone who found (a few) redeeming qualities in Phantom Menace! Ridiculous storylines, the same SFX shots recycled over and over again, that dumbass robot dog that looked like a Furby's retarded ancestor, blech! I find it VERY hard to believe that the new version could actually be *worse,* especially coming from Ron Moore. And you said the screeners you got were uncompleted, right? Well I will be giving the finished version a chance come this December. If it's good and it lasts then I'll buy the DVD of THIS, not the pathetic origional.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 10:13 a.m. CST

    Edward James Olmos said it was crap

    by Jotham

    No really! He said that if your a fan of the orginal show, don't watch what they made. I was suprised to read that but he said it!

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 12:17 p.m. CST

    The original "Galactica" was some of the best SciFi compared to

    by Jeditemple

    First of all folks...learn to spell "original." The original series was great for it's time, albeit dated after 25 years. Apparently, you guys have never seen the really BAD incarnation of the show... Battlestar Galactica 1980. Watch a few episodes of "Enterprise" and tell me how that crap holds up after 25 years. In that same bucket of crap, you'll find the Sci-Fi Channel's version of Battlestar Galactica, floundering in its own filth.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 1:30 p.m. CST

    wtf

    by kiki370

    well, it is a rough cut. the trailer looks good, and i hope the finished product will, too. i'll be watchin.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 1:31 p.m. CST

    BG was not very good

    by Chuck L Nuts

    ...but it inspired Goerge Lucas to make a classic movie, so it gets a pass. By your command!

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 1:31 p.m. CST

    Babylon 5 Galatica!

    by SexyBeast

    Anyone remember when JMS fought with TNT on how to create Crusade? The TNT execs wanted a female alien who learned about other aliens by having sex with them. This sounds exactly like what happened here. Stupid studio suits wanted to inject more sex into the series.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 2:09 p.m. CST

    You know, sex with robots is more common than you might think.

    by rev_skarekroe

    I heard that on TV last night. sk

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 3:18 p.m. CST

    HA!! Figures they'd screw it up!! Sci-Fi Network Sucks...

    by Russman

    Bonnie Hammer is on the cover of the 11/10 MediaWeek magazine. For an older broad she looks pretty cute - to bad she doesn't have a clue about Sci-Fi. If Galactica is truely that bad this only proves that Sci-Fi Net has lost it's way. They even plan on having a big brother kind of show where they house 10 regular people with 5 "freaks" and tape what happens! The net has turned to crap and I know that until they put Farscape back on, I won't be watching any of their commercials.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 4:29 p.m. CST

    Military discipline?

    by Spoons

    "Gotta love the discipline on this BATTLESTAR! I mean, this is a MILITARY SHIP. On a MILITARY SHIP there would be sexual tension, but it would be held back for LEAVE situations, not for intra-ship corridor sex." I guess that's why we have U.S. Navy warships returning to port from extended cruises with up to 1/3 of the female crew having gotten pregnant at sea.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:04 p.m. CST

    hmmmmm.....

    by honkyhonky

    So what you are really saying is that you do not like tits?

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:08 p.m. CST

    Chuck L Nuts

    by Black Jesus

    how do you figure BG inspired star wars when star wars came first?

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:12 p.m. CST

    SciFi Channel is killing itself

    by Mrs. Verhoeven

    They no show Farscape, me no watchee.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:18 p.m. CST

    black jesus, you are wrong.

    by Chuck L Nuts

    You can sort of think they came out at the same time, but the first two episodes of BG, broadcast first as a 2 hour movie, aired in the fall of 1976. The series itself started after Star Wars' release. I love both shows, by the way.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:33 p.m. CST

    I've seen the BG Miniseries as well...

    by Galactica Truth

    ...well, I've seen *some* of it - the first 30 minutes to be precise...and I turned it off out of sheer boredom. Based on what I saw, Harry's review is *absolutely* on the mark. It is also worth noting that I am ~not~ a fan of the original series (unlike Harry) and I would have placed bets that there's no way in hell this could have been any lamer than the original - and yet it most certainly is. I had some great hopes for this reimagining, especially since Ron "Carnivale" Moore was the creative force behind it all. This is about as far removed from the originality of Carnivale as you can possibly imagine and it actually made me yearn to see eps of the original BG which I never even really liked in the first place. There is no logical target audience for this series - fans of the original will loathe it, sci-fi nuts will laugh at it (parts of it beg for Rocky Horror-style audience participation), and the average TV viewer won't care enough to make it through the first evening.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:41 p.m. CST

    Harry = prude

    by flipster

    hey buddy - watcha jerk off to, slurpies? Yes more sex, swearing - fuck save the kiddie shit for sat morn toons. Did Harry complain about the kiddie nature of SW ep1/2? Just curious. adult-oriented sci fi on tv - about fucking time.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:42 p.m. CST

    Pornstar Galactica?

    by ChrisPC24

    What's next, some hot Daggett-on-female Cylon action?

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 6:44 p.m. CST

    a battlestar galactica remake? sounds cool

    by newc0253

    no, wait. it really doesn't. but i'll watch it just for the cylon fembots - that gives a whole new resonance to 'by your command...'

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 7:10 p.m. CST

    Galactica premeired on '78

    by Zeddd

    Uhhhhhh....speaking as someone who watched the pilot on TV when it premiered, it was definately 1978. Glen Larson got a greenlight for the show as a direct result of the success of Star Wars.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 8:09 p.m. CST

    BG definitely premiered in 1978

    by neemz

    I remember all the fuss Mr. Lucas and Fox kicked up (including a major lawsuit) when it was first shown. If BG had first been broadcast in 1976 it would now be lauded as a groundbreaking piece of television, instead of just one of many Star Wars rip-offs that appeared around 1978-79. That said, the pilot wasn't too bad and Apollo and Starbuck were personable enough heroes. The less said about Galactica 80 the better. The only decent episode was the Return of Starbuck episode. Why get of Hatch and Benedict only to replace them with two charisma-less mannequins?

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Spelling + flame = "Spellame," Jeditemple.

    by Sith Lord Sauron

    And yep, you're right--"Enterprise" does suck (though it's been--*trying*--to do better lately). What does that have to do with the quality of old-skool Galactica? I stand by my assertion that original Battlestar Galactica was 1-dimensional garbage, bested in the "crappy TV sci-fi" contest only by such masterpieces as it's contemporary "Buck Rodgers in the 25th Century," and predecessor "Lost In Space." Now sure, we can argue about which one sucks worst, but . . .I'd really rather not. Maybe it's because I never saw any of these in their original run. Whatever. Maybe with Farscape gone to heaven I'm desperate for decent Sci-fi on the tube, or maybe the Femb0t just gives me a massive stiffie, but I plan to give Moore a chance. If it does turn out to be bad, no big deal--I survived total bilge like "Event Horizon" and "Species;" I can sure as hell survive this! DO YOUR WORST, SCI-FI CHANNEL!!

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 8:40 p.m. CST

    Are u suprised?

    by mwhelan67

    it was directed by michael " I drove a stake through the heart of the vampire chronicles" rhymer.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 9:22 p.m. CST

    frak

    by JohnYaYa

    any truth to the rumor that Rick Springfield sings the theme song? "it's been a long road, gettin' from there to here" kind of thing. crossover hit, i tells ya. gold.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 9:39 p.m. CST

    boxey eats mushies

    by JohnYaYa

    okay, right, so Luke says to Darth Vader, "I know what everyone got you for Christmas." "How?", says Vader. "I felt your presents, father." says Luke. C'mon, it's funny! Hello? Is this thing on? I see dead people! -sigh-

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 10 p.m. CST

    Let;'s have a NEW space series.

    by kabong

    Too many remakes. "Battlestar Galactica" ran for a year, 78-79, so network executives think they're covering their collective MBA building-consensus asses by greenlighting the 2003 version. Produce something new. What happened to "Special Ops" or "Space Special Ops"? TV series are announced as optioned, in production, etc, but vanish in a black hole. What happened to the project called "Black Lightning" or "Black Star"?

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 10:19 p.m. CST

    Battlestar Erotica???

    by GrandoCarIissian

    I just wonder if the sexual chemistry between Starbuck and Apollo is as hot in this version as it was in the original.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 10:22 p.m. CST

    Well it's not like anyone expected this Battlestar Gallactica to

    by Smeg For Brains

    ... did you know that the kid from the movie Trekkies (the one who was wearing the newly created First Contact suit, and was working on his own Star Trek thing called Nemesis, which I'm sure pissed him off when that movie came out) worked on this BG show in the effects? Weird, but at least he is doing something he obviously loves.

  • Nov. 13, 2003, 11:07 p.m. CST

    RICHARD HATCH got it right.

    by brattain

    I was fortunate enough to see Hatch's "preview" for what he saw the show becoming. Even for those who found the original show lame, that preview brought the house down. It was the best preview I had seen in years. He really "got" it. I hope to hell the DVD sets sell like crazy and the new show bombs. I used to like Ron Moore (DS9 is just about the best damn show ever) but he totally doesn't understand BSG. As someone correctly pointed out, WHO THE HELL ARE THEY TRYING TO IMPRESS? Fans of TOS will hate it, for people who never watched TOS, this might as well be an entirely new show, and it seems no one will be impressed by the story quality. Good going SF Channel, you managed to take something with a built-in fanbase and pissed everyone off. What kind of stupidity allows this to happen?

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 12:25 a.m. CST

    Spike

    by Killer_Turtle

    nice Angel reference rev_skarekroe, too bad the f'd up BSG. I was reading the info on the Sci Fi web site and i got suckered into thinking that it might be good. but if this post is right then everyone involved in the show can goto hell for screwing up a sure thing!

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 12:28 a.m. CST

    In Defense of the Original BG (to the extent that it deserves, a

    by Catbarf the 5th

    I was a huge fan of the original show, but then again I was only in 6th grade at the time, so I don't feel particularly embarrased about this. I saw the first few episodes on DVD recently, and was paradoxically surprised by (a) how well it held up after 25 years, and (b) what utter crap it was in the first place (which of course I didn't notice when I was a kid in 1978, watching on a small black and white TV set with lousy reception). Anyway, the original series is crap, but there is still something classic about it that I can't quite pin down. BG was unique in all of television history. The Mormon / religious "Chariots of the Gods" aspect of it both damned it as 70s cheese and immortalized its weird cult status, and it burned its way into the minds of many kids watching it at the time (partucularly the religious horror aspects of it, like the episode with Patrick Macnee as a Satanic figure, it fell into the same cultural headspace to a kid in 1978 as The Omen and The Exorcist, mixed with "In Search Of" style paranoia about the Bermuda Triangle and stuff like that, all very eerie to a kid of the time). The casting was brilliant, chemistry-wise, even if the acting often sucked (not unlike the original Star Trek in this respect, the cast was more than the sum of its parts) and there is something wonderfully bizarre about Lorne Greene (Alpo dog food spokesman and star of TV Westerns) leading the cast in a kind of Chareton Heston / Moses capacity. John Colicos was a classic TV bad guy, the spacecraft designs were classic in their strength, the weird slang and BG terms are part of the subconcious mind of every kid that ever saw it back then (frak and felderkarb, centons, etc), every gen-X boy fan of the show had a proto-crush on all the women in it (including the launch bay girl with the wacky Carrie Fisher hairdos who only said "launch when ready" and stuff about microns and centons), the score was memorable even if it wasn't amazing, John Dykstra's special effects were absolutely terrific for TV (even if every shot and optical plate was re-used five billion times a show) and the whole thing was so of its time, yet somehow in its own universe. Glen Larson made a very unique thing, not a ripoff of Star Wars per se, but a truly strange beast in the wake of SW's success. No, it wasn't that great a show in dramatic or even sci-fi terms, and the writing was often lousy (standard TV melodrama garbage most of the time) but taken as a whole there was nothing else ever quite like it on TV, and it was undenyably VERY ambitious for that or any other time. (But the less said about BG 1980, the better... however the one with Starbuck in it was OK as others have said). This new version just sounds weird though. Doubt I'll bother catching it. Wish Colicos had lived long enough to reprise his sneering Baltar role in Hatch's version of the series that will apparently never happen now.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 12:40 a.m. CST

    RE: The original "Galactica" was some of the crappiest SciFi eve

    by Darth_Bald

    Okay. The level of cheesiness in TOS was at times downright toxic, but I wouldn't call it "crappy". If you watched the show, they delved into some deep questions. In a time where Dallas, The Dukes of Hazzard, The Love Boat and others were what was considered good television, it is amazing Battlestar Galactica got away with the blatant religious overtones. The show dealt with the extermination of the Human race, and betting their survival on the belief they'd find salvation based on ancient writings and beliefs. It also explored good and evil, the progression of humans after death, and many others. Pretty heavy stuff for 1978. I, for one, will not be watching the remake. Not because of what Harry said (although it does confirm my suspicions), but because of what Ron Moore has said. It was clear from the beginning he never got it. I'm one of the many who didn't bother watching DS9, precisely because while the few episodes I did see were not bad, it really didn't capture what Star Trek was about. In my opinion, Mr. Moore needs to find a way to be original and stop tinkering with others' work. He isn't any good at it. As for Richard Hatch, I am sorry to see he didn't get the opportunity to bring Galactica back. He seemed to get it. If nothing else, his passion for the project has been encouraging.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 12:53 a.m. CST

    One More Thing: About Boltar....

    by Darth_Bald

    Oh, and well said Catbarf. Although I still wouldn't call it crap. One of the most annoying things I read about the remake is how Boltar isn't evil, he is just duped by the cylon-whore. What is it with Hollywood these days? Why can't people just be evil? Why does it never the person's fault, never his choice? It's always that someone did it to them, or someone neglected them, or tricked them. Never that they simply chose to be evil. In the original series, Boltar wanted power, pure and simple. He was willing to sell out his race for it. That is a character far more menacing and interesting.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 1:30 a.m. CST

    Is This Really So Hard To Believe???

    by RedAntBoy

    This fucking show's been screwed since Bryan Singer took a powder. Anyone really surprised by this?

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 2:34 a.m. CST

    Galactica vs Enterprise over time

    by Eyegore

    I'm not sure what you're trying to say Jeditemple. Original Galactica was good at it's best moments and embarassingly bad other times. Over time this is amplified and made worse, but still watchable and entertaining. Galactica 1980 was born bad, one of th worst shows ever made, and is likewise amplified over time to an unbearable level of bad. Enterprise though, like ALL Star Trek series, will still be good thought provoking sci-fi 100 years from now while you're sitting in a diaper drooling all over yourself. ST:TOS is almost 50 years old and it's still good.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 2:42 a.m. CST

    Black Jesus is Right

    by Ktak

    Sorry Chuck L Nuts, you are mistaken. I too am old enought to remember when BG first aired and it was the fall of 1978. In 1976, Richard Hatch was still starring on The Streets of San Francisco which ran till 1977. There's no way a studio would have signed him to a pilot when he was still committed to another series. Also, if there was a two year lag between pilot and series, how do you explain that the kid who acted as Boxey didn't seem to age at all between the pilot and the series? Either they put him in suspended animation or he was secretly a midget.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 2:48 a.m. CST

    Redantboy is right. This thing took the dive for the worst when

    by Commando Cody

    You know, just today on Sci-Fi Channel they did their rotational morning marathon and it was BUCK ROGERS, and they were airing the original premiere. So I figured I'd tape it...and while sitting there watching it, all I could think was "Wow, did this NOT age well at ALL." (Though Erin Grey will forever be incendiary hot looking in her spandex!) Anyway, the point is all through the shows they kept running BATTLESTAR promos and in looking at the fast cutting effects shots, I was thinking "Maybe this won't be so heinous after all." But then I read Harry's review -- which polished effects aside -- seems to indicate Sci-Fi and Ron Moore HAVE crapped a major turd beyond crap-pretension. Wouldn't the whole POINT of doing something like Galactic -- which was not exactly cutting edge even when it was around -- be to APPEAL to the old fans and better "geek" parts of that property? What the fuck -- Ron Moore takes out the ever-cool Cyclon robots and puts in a hot babe instead to hopefully (1) appeal to any geeks who need additional stroke off material and (b) prove to the world that Sci Fi Channel sat around and said "Pay for robot suits? No way! We'll pay for a hot chick or extras and we'll just SAY they're robots. HUMAN looking robots always save on production money!" Redantboy was right...remember when Singer was going to do this because he was a FAN of the original show? Remember some of those cool pre-production drawings his office leaked out showing he WAS going to keep the cylons and the cooler aspects of the old show? This show took a crap dive when Singer left, that's for sure. And I know there are those out there that will argue that they needed to "update" things for a newer audience and there would be no real point in doing a straight remake of the old show...but, come on, this is a show that Sci Fi is TOTALLY trying to capitalize by APPEALING to the old die-hard fans of THIS particular show. So bastardizing it with lame ass changes certainly was a way to give it the kiss of death. Way to go, Sci Fi and Moore. Nothing like more SHIT to clog the airwaves with.

  • Using the same logic, Star Wars is a rip off of Star Trek. They both have space ships. And ray guns. And leads who can't act. Did BG go on the air as a result fo the success of SW, sure. But a rip-off? No. You want rip-offs? Battle Beyond the Stars. There's a rip off. And you want BAD, my brother found a old tape at my folks house that contained "Earth Star Voyager." That shit will peel paint. No, they could have re-shot the original script with a new cast and FX, minus Boxy and the stupid dog and this remak of BG would have been fucking awesome. The original was EPIC, and the FX at the time barely did it justice. The original Galactica bridge was a huge set, and the pics we've seen of the new one are just SAD. And I'm sure they will fuxor the new battlestar as well. Make it look like a massive dong or somthing. The real thing that will sadden me aobut this new one is: no Tektronix product placement.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 3:32 a.m. CST

    And remember fan boys: lube up before watching...

    by SG7

    Becuase Bonnie and her strap on are gunnin for ya.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 7:49 a.m. CST

    Catbarf the 5th

    by ManosTHOF

    You summed up my own feelings exactly in an excellent post. I always thought BG was full of great moments and themes despite its cheesier aspects. With a 5 year proper run, who knows how good the show could have been? I mean, it was the first year, people. The first year of most shows (ST:TNG for example-just a little shaky at first) is usually the "shakedown cruise" anyways. You can blame the network and Universial for cutting the budget and cast to the bone for the "1980" thing. They nickel and dimed it, just like Paramount does with Star Trek (they wouldn't even let Shatner try and fix Star Trek V on DVD to the way he wanted it before they slashed 50 per cent of his budget--not saying it would have made it a good movie but it wasn't all Shatner's fault) Cut the cast up, manage to hold on to Lorne Greene, make it on earth so it's cheaper. The plots reminded me of the 6 Million Dollar Man in "1980"........

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 8:17 a.m. CST

    MAD Magazine pegged the original BG perfectly

    by the G-man

    There was a panel in the MAD parody of BG that pegged perfectly why the original BG was so crappy (paraphrasing here a little): STARBUCK: "You know, some people say that our adventures are nothing but us crashing onto to some planet and then ripping off the plot of a classic movie..." APOLLO: "Nonsense. Now, which planet should we crash land onto this week? Planet of the Apes? Planet of the Dirty Dozen? Or Planet of the Posiedon Adventure?" And it was true. That's all the original series did most weeks.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 8:18 a.m. CST

    BTW, has anyone else realized that this is ALSO a remake of "Gal

    by the G-man

    Go to the photos that another poster linked to. There are shots that are clearly set on Earth, just like G1980.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 8:30 a.m. CST

    i hate people

    by slkboxrman

    why is it that whenever anyone talks about a sci fi show not being done well does some asshole bring up "enterprise" ? just because there is a whole country of u losers that dont understand what the story really is because ur dense and u want "continuity" u would have noticed that perhaps theres a really cool altered timeline thing taking place that might be causing all ur continuity problems...maybe its not an accident..duh....maybe its on purpose...but all u gay ass trekkies got ur dick so far up your own ass u dont think, u just criticize..its season 3 and i figured out the altered timeline thing in season 1 ..so leave "star trek:enterprise" alone...its a far better show than "farscape" was

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Because most Sci-Fi shows suck right now

    by Jeditemple

    I'll tell you why people hate "Enterprise" and shows in that same vein. It's because they are so freakin' weak. "Enterprise" and "Voyager" are two good examples of how the Star Trek franchise has deteriorated over time. And "Andromeda" blows chunks and shouldn't even be on the air. Look at how weak the Star Wars movies have become. All we've had the past few years are crap like "Farscape" and "Earth Final Conflict." If I want to watch garbage, I'll go watch some "V" reruns (and they're trying to bring that back! Geez!) All I ask is for some FRESH ideas. Hollywood needs to quit re-hashing old T.V. shows and plots. Every one of you guys on this thread are capable of writing better shows than what we're seeing. What's next? Battlestar Erotica and it's captain, Ron Jeremy?

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 10:11 a.m. CST

    Ahem...

    by Almost Sexy

    Farscape, in general, had plenty of "fresh" ideas. On not so good days, it had fairly inventive twists on old sci-fi tropes. And they didn't go for the cop-out easy answer. Sometimes the good guys lost, or hopelessly screwed things up. And these things would haunt them later on in the show because other writers would remember that these things happened. The reason a lot of people didn't like Farscape was because it frustrated their expectations quite rigorously. It was a very gutsy show, with probably the best ensemble cast on any tv show ever, in my "dirty" opinion. By the way, does anyone know anything about a direct-to-video Family Guy movie???

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 11:15 a.m. CST

    My take...

    by GabrielCKoerner

    Greetings, folks. I worked on the visual effects end of this production, creating the CG models of the new "old" Vipers, the Viper launch tubes, the front of Galactica, the hanger set extension, and several ships. The Viper model can be seen at the portfolio section of http://www.gabekoerner.com and in this month's CFQ magazine. Also the annoying kid from "Trekkies", as a poster below was astute enough to discover. Give the miniseries a chance, man. I could readily detach and admit something I worked on is crap (although I just finished working on Roland Emerich's "The Day After Tomorrow", which I expected to be crap but holds up better than a lot of disaster movies, worked some on that frozen NY shot in the teaser, and the mass border crossing shot where half the people are CG). I've loved Ron Moore's work through TNG and DS9, I think he's a terrifically talented writer. I don't really care much for classic BSG after the pilot, despite having worked on Richard Hatch's trailer (who is a wonderful guy and a great creative force). I feel like the pilot set up a dire situation, and proceded immediately to do a campy adventure show with perfect, unflawed sanitized hero characters. When I read the script for this mini, it retained the dark setup and followed through to concentrate on the dire nature of their situation and humanity's struggle for survival. From the footage I've seen, both Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnel give terrific performances. Starbuck grows on you and Jamie Bamber as Apollo is pushing real depth onto the screen. I think Harry, like fans of the old show, is too miffed by the alterations to the characters and premise to really see any merit. Harry is hit or miss for me. He and I both love "Kill Bill", I think Kill Bill is, pound for pound, the best absorbtion-of-chaos-and-raw-emotion experience I've had at the movies. Then he'll gush praise all over the Star Wars prequals and Matrix Revolutions, films that didn't really communicate to me on any level. That's my feeling. If anybody wants to send flames, trolls, death threats, or marriage proposals, they may do so at gckoerner@earthlink.net.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 12:11 p.m. CST

    Ranting Harry

    by Real Deal

    Geez here we go again! Harry's gunning to sink another show. I'm sure he feels he will get alot of support from die hard fans from the old series. I've got the cylon head box set and while I enjoy the nostalgia it is very dated and very much a product of the time. These things come together to make it short comings even more apparent. Ah, old happy memories from the 70's. That's the only way to look at it. As for the new series it's the absolute pinnacle of blatant attention getting tactics to review this and draw such final conclusions based on an unfinished product. I say give it a chance and to hell with what Harry feels based on an unfinshed product. Given the way Harry has reviewed other things ( and his tendancy to focus on sexuality ) someone else watching this as a finished product might have an entirely different experience.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 2:09 p.m. CST

    Ktak, an understandable mistake on your part

    by Chuck L Nuts

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Ktak, an understandable mistake on your part

    by Chuck L Nuts

    It's a common misconception that Richard Hatch's SOS work didn't overlap his BG work--you should see the discussions that get generated because of this belief! However, the apocryphal story goes that Carl Maulden, Richard's SOS costar, had just become a converted Scientologist in the early months of 1975. His interest in science fiction was understandably high. He encouraged Richard to film this movie (at that time it was not approved as a series), so he did, and this was screened for a large group of directors in December 1975. Among that group--our own George Lucas! Again, I enjoy both shows.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 2:28 p.m. CST

    the senseless "re-imagining" of BG...

    by MisterGrimloch

    for me, the original series is a guilty pleasure. clearly, there are a scant few episodes that hold any real weight whatsoever, and even those few are flawed. however, the program did have a theme, and an enjoyable ensemble of questionable actors, often given questionable scripts to work with. but if one were to take a completely hard edged stance against all of the weaker elements of the original series, and then go on to support the notion that the entire concept can be "re-imagined", to a point that is barely recognizable alongside the inspiration that made it possible in the first place, then i must ask the obvious question. why call it Battlestar Galactica? Battlestar Galactica, love it or hate it, is a very distinguishable program in its own right. the fact that Moore and co. have decided, in their arrogance, to totally re-imagine (i love using that term over and over again, if for nothing else than to drive home the notion of how utterly ridiculous an idea this whole project was in the first place) this concept, is proof that it will NOT be something that will stand on its own. clearly it is being labeled as BG to draw numbers from the curious fans of the original because as an idea designed to stand on its merits, it would fall totally flat. even those who love the Trek spinoffs, or hate the SW prequels (neither of which is a camp i fall into) can admit that these concepts were begun by their respective original creators. Roddenberry may be gone, but NG (clearly a belated extension of the original series) was his creation, and the spinoffs that followed are direct extensions (for better or worse) of that specific program. Lucas is still in charge of his universe, and Straczynski did NOT let suits dictate how Crusade would be handled. this new Galactica, on the other hand, is not being done by anyone connected with the creativity of the original program. it is a complete snobbish nose upturning at the notion that continuing with the characters that have ALREADY come to establish the Galactica universe over the past 25 years of re-runs, have nothing to do with its merits. that, my dear posters, is a contradiction of interest. if Moore feels that the original program was so lacking in anything that would make a quality sci-fi program today, then why does he need (and yes, lack of talent for creativity invites "need" when it comes to deriving your idea from "something".) to exploit the title and a few generalized concepts and ship designs? the answer is simple. his "idea" for this reimagining sucks. and he knows it. if this program weren't being called "Battlestar Galactica", NO ONE would tune in. and Sci-Fi knows it. so, what to do? solution: create something abyssmal, make alot of noise about it over the months of creation, specifically based upon the fact that it is THIS idea that went to production and not Desanto's, or Hatch's, and you have a shit load of original fans that will tune in just to piss on it (which gives you ratings), and another shit load of viewers that will tune in just to see if it is better than the show they hated in the first place (which gives you even more ratings.) this is a one time thing, folks. believe me. it will suck, and it will probably rate high on the first night. but after that, the idea will die forever. and i mean FOREVER. because regardless of whether or not Hatch later delivered a treatment that rivaled Citizen Kane in its inventiveness, the suits that ruined it in the first place would never bite again, because the history of the Galactica concept, in bottom line terms, is an overly expensive original program that was cost prohibitive despite high ratings, followed by an obscene follow up (Galactica 1980) which was a ratings nightmare, followed 25 years later by a mini-series that had respectable ratings in its first night, and fell off the map on the second evening. and since the general feeling with anyone who watches it will be that "it sucked", a continuation of THIS new program or any "new" continuation of the original that Hatch comes up with, will not be funded by any television or motion picture studio. Galactica ends forever, on Dec. 7. period.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 2:52 p.m. CST

    12/7/2003

    by Bravo Zulu

    December 7th... Two Thousand and Three... A day of infamy indeed!

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 3:27 p.m. CST

    Chuck - No offense but you are way wrong...

    by Zeddd

    John Dysktra didn't sign on to start the effects shots for the BG pilot until after he had won an oscar for Star Wars. Do you really think that a completed, high budget TV pilot just sat around for years?? TV didn't work on the syndication rules back then. If of the three networks commissioned a high profile pilot, it was shown or shelved.

  • Harry nailed the new Starbucklette Chiclet down cold, little boobs, little ability. So go for BIG BOOBS and little ability, makes sense? The new Apollo should have stayed on that boat with Hornblower, but NNNOOOOOOOO he had to cross the pond to help the Queen of Mean as in cheap; yeah the President of the Former Channel called Scifi. Called far much worse things by fans of the forsaken Farscape! Oh yeah Battlestar Galactica lite, written by Ronald D. Moore, the guy that ruined Roswell, oh well. (here is the script < http://battlestarfanclub.com/battlestar/bgarticle26.htm > Tom DeSanto, yes the Executive Producer of X-Men I, II & III was helming a fandom friendly continuation but Bonnie

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 4:43 p.m. CST

    Zerddd, with all due respect....

    by Chuck L Nuts

    I understand your point of view; most people also believe this. I'm not even disputing those claims--except to say that in the very special case of the formative days of Battlestar Galactica, the folks behind it (not including John Dykstra) decided to try things a little different. In an online chat with Richard Hatch and three of the eight stuntpersons who performed the roles of the Cylons, it was confirmed that George Lucas not only viewed and enjoyed the BG pilot "movie" (originally titled "The New Hope", and you can believe that or not!!! But look it up, it's not hard to find), he actually requested a poy of it. I think that the worst George can be accused of is "appropriating and improving" from BG. Yes, Darth Vader's mask looks like the Cylon mask. Yes, the XWings look live the Vipers. I still don't fault him! If you could only say one thing about George Lucas, it would have to be that his creative tastes and story genius are unparalled. I do slightly like BG more than ANH, but only because of the emotional Boxy and Dagget storyline. I enjoy both shows very much, though.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 8:15 p.m. CST

    Does anyone remember the movie...

    by Almost Sexy

    I once saw this ultra-low budget sci-fi star-wars rip-off type movie, set on a space ship. The ship's interior looked like the inside of a boiler room or a big warehouse, and the actors were really really bad, and were forced to wear shiny silver clothing. You would'nt recognize anyone in it, except whenever they had ship to ship battles, they used footage from Battlestar Galactica (fights between the Colonial Vipers and the Cylon whatchamajiggers). It was very interesting. I might have seen it on MST3K....

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 9:52 p.m. CST

    Harry is absloyfuckingloyly right

    by GuyWithBalls

    Good God is Not In Heaven: There is a Skinny Blonde Cigar Puffing Dike that whips up on senior officers that is called Starbuck? (YES A chick Starbuck?) The President is Ms. Dancing with Wolves has breast cancer but flies about in a Faster Than Light Ship (anybody else see the paradox in this) Adama callsign Husker: Edward James Olmos got it right when he told fans to avoid the pain and watch the Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Epic Series! The Universal Suits have got to be scratching their collective heads over the boffo sales of a 25-year-old show? This thing is being made by the hind tit of Universal, AKA The Scifi Channel. Mean while Tom DeSanto might be in league with Glen A. Larson creator of Battlestar Galactica to really make those MOVIES that is GOOD!?! More news is coming alas not from Universal Studios, stock holders should sue somebody!

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 9:56 p.m. CST

    Moore-Ron can suck my green muppet ass.

    by JMYoda

    I now see that the BSG script I read over a year ago was the real deal after all. When I read it I was absolutely disgusted. Ron Moore (AKA Moore-Ron) took a good family show any child of the 70's has fond memories of and turned it into a foul-mouthed space porno. I give Sci-fi some credit for their past Mini-series. The first "Dune" mini-series was very good as was "Taken" (except for the ending) and "Children of Dune" was excellent IMO. However they should all rot in hell for giving BSG and it's fans such an ass-raping. Rob Moore stated that this series isn't for the original fans (he calls us "popcorn fans" whatever the fuck that means) but for "today's young audience'. Blah. Had Richard Hatch done his "Second Coming" series he did that kick ass promo for it would have been way more successful then this crap will ever be. There's more then enough sex on TVs these days but a huge shortage of good quality family entertainment. Yes BSG has seen with a modern eye doesn't hold up as well as "Star Wars" and seems dated but it could have been updated and updated well since with today's cheap CGI they wouldn't have to use the same 5 FX shots ever episode. Now with teh failure of this shit BSG will be a dead franchise. Oh well. RIP Starbuck and Apollo... We hardly knew ya.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 10:08 p.m. CST

    Great work there, Mr. Koerner!

    by Sith Lord Sauron

    That Colonial Viper of yours is sweet, WAY better than the original. I'm looking forward to this more then ever now despite all the naysayers. And in related news, FARSCAPE is back!! w000t!!

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 10:23 p.m. CST

    A gaggle of psychics

    by Real Deal

    Isn't it amazing that so many people know so much about a show that hasn't aired yet? The original BG was aired in 1978. I was 25 at the time. That was a lonnnnnnngggggg time ago. While I watched every episode ( and again on DVD ) religiously it' was really flawed. I think they left the original concept behind about the time they had the young warriors or was it love, love, love! The show began to right it self late in the series but alas it was too late. Maybe if they had gone to a second year ( I don't count BG 1980 and have tried to wipe it from my memory ) they might have had a chance to really do something. I see nothing wrong with taking this material and perhaps doing something worthwhile ( they only viable way possible ) with it. I still say give it a chance and I will make up my own mind.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 10:57 p.m. CST

    Chuck L Nuts, you are truly a gifted troll.

    by xavier masterson

    You've got me laughing. Keep up the good work.

  • Nov. 14, 2003, 11:09 p.m. CST

    Chuck L Nuts

    by Kirkunit

    You are such a troll. Everyone knows Star Wars came first. I don't doubt treatments existed before Star Wars was released. In fact, I seem to recall something called "Adam's Ark" which may have become BG, but Star Wars was first. Lucas did not see the pilot prior to Star Wars. John Dykstra did not invent the "Dykstraflex" for BG. And, I've got the Starlogs to prove it. BTW, Mr. Koerner, your Viper is fantastic. Looks like some Radiosity happening, there. Any links to more of your BG or Borg Invasion work?

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 12:49 a.m. CST

    Sheeesh!

    by RedAntBoy

    The emotional Boxy and Dagget storyline? I must be missing something here...

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 1:19 a.m. CST

    Kirkunit, sorry, but you are wrong (and red ants boy)

    by Chuck L Nuts

    First off, let me do my impression: (robotic girl voice) Kirk unit, do you like my shaved head? I am Voyager! (That's all) I love Star Trak as well, I'm just giving you the business. That said, I am not here to tell you what you can and can not believe. If you have an emotional investment in your beliefs, that's all that matters. Unfortunately, the facts are the facts. It's only common knowledge that in the Ultimate Director's Annotated Edition of the screenplay for Star Wars 4 (which was the first one released, we can all agree on that), Luke Skywalker was called Luke Starbuck for about half of the pages. In two places, in fact, there are pencilled-in notes in George's hand saying "Note: change this so it doesn't reference BG." I think we all know what "BG" is ;) In any event, I don't want this to descend to name calling (troll I am not--I am well over 5' 6", I can assure you of that), so I think I'll bow out on this note. Red Ant Boy, you are indeed missing something! Battlestar Galactica is a wonderful series from the late 70's where a raggedy group of killers who are related to humans are on their way to Earth to take over, but on the way they become better people and are Mormons. Boxy is a young boy who taches the adults many lessons, and he has a robot dog named Dagget--it is wonderful, there is a DVD collection out now, please look it up! I t has been nice chatting everyone, TTFN!

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 1:53 a.m. CST

    VINTAGE PISSED-OFF HARRY

    by Sgt. Black

    Just when you think the Big Red One was a fat bloated sellout. Nice job, Geek!

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 11:45 a.m. CST

    No way Harry wrote this review

    by don_gately

    That's all I have to say.

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 1:28 p.m. CST

    Enterprise sucks, end of story.

    by FluffyUnbound

    90% of the problem with Voyager is that a combination of factors led the producers to write the male characters as a collection of eunuchs. Limp-wristed mofos just this side of working as roadies on the next Indigo Girls tour. They had to, I know: there was no other way to make a female captain work, and they naturally had to promote the new Star Trek vision of a politically correct homogenized and pasteurized fucking Cheesecake Factory universe - but that didn't mean we had to like it. Kirk could have taken any ten Voyager characters in a fight, all the while laying the pipe to Janeway and keeping that stupid smile on his stupid Shatner face. Fuck, BONES could have done the same to these little girl bitches. But with Enterprise, SUPPOSEDLY the point of the show was to go back BEFORE TOS. People talk about continuity errors, but to me the biggest continuity error is that these characters are EVEN BIGGER CHICKS than the characters in Voyager. Um, if THESE GUYS were the proto-Star Fleet by the time Kirk was born there would be Romulan condos on the moon and all remaining humans would be kept as Klingon sex slaves, locked up in cabinets like the gimp, or else put to work strip mining Yellowstone by hand. You have to admit that the whole "Federation" story sounded suspiciously like humans conquered the quadrant, and then told everybody else that they were now "federated" - and frankly, can you see Scott Bakula doing that? I can't see him conquering a fucking preschool. Hand this to the Battlestar Galactica guys: they had those damn 70's blow-dried haircuts like they were extras in Boogie Nights or something, but you got the idea they at least still had working equipment when it came right down to it. And don't get me started on Gil Gerard. You know, instead of Alien Vs. Predator we need a crossover movie where the characters from the original Star Trek, BG, and Buck Rodgers get together and bitch slap the little dorks on Enterprise.

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 1:35 p.m. CST

    Chuck L Nuts

    by DocPazuzu

    You are now officially the funniest troll ever. I love your stuff. You've riled the Jedi Lites and the BGs. Can't wait to see what you have in store for the Matrixheads and Tolkienites. "Greedo always shot first".... heh....

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Does one of the Cylons ever say, "Bite my shiny, metal ass"?

    by Devil'sOwn

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 3:27 p.m. CST

    I feel bad for Richard Hatch

    by riskebiz

    That guy has held that show close to his heart and mortgaged himself to the hilt to bring back Galatica only to find himself cut out of the mix and having one of those Star Trek protege's of Rick Berman utterly destroy the chance of Galactica EVER becoming a great series again ... let alone a major motion picture. Now his dream is dead thanks to the fact Ron Moore decided he needed to update Galactica with boobs on Starbuck and Boomer. Was he ever even a fan of the show? I know it's hopeless to think that Richard Hatch will be given a chance for his updated Galactica and Bryan Singer washed his hands of it long ago ... I'm amazed this has gotten so f###ed up. Ron Moore is an idiot and deserves nothing but scorn and owes a massive apology to Richard Hatch.

  • Nov. 15, 2003, 4:14 p.m. CST

    Of course Harry took it upon himself to review the porn show

    by MyNameDoesn'tFit

    You can just download it, big guy--no need to wait for special DVD screeners.

  • Nov. 16, 2003, 3:55 a.m. CST

    USA network

    by TheDarkJoker

    Who remembers the completely awful movies USA used to play at 3 in the morning on Saturday nights???

  • Nov. 16, 2003, 10:56 a.m. CST

    Space Mutiny

    by AirWarrior

    AlmostSexy, you are quite right. MST3K shows it about 10 times a year. It is called "Space Mutiny" starring John Philip Law and Reb "Capt. America" Brown. If it wasn't bad enough that it looked like they shot it in a boiler room, they did use sf/x shots from BG. Thank God that MST3K did their treatment of it, cuz that's all it deserved.

  • Nov. 16, 2003, 4:38 p.m. CST

    Chuck L Nuts

    by Lavaman

    Chuck L Nuts, your jealousy of George Lucas is laughable. Battlestar Galactica ripped-off Star Wars, your not fooling anybody. Fact

  • Nov. 16, 2003, 4:41 p.m. CST

    Fluffy All Bound Up

    by Real Deal

    FluffyUnbound obviously has a lot of issues............. By the way Star Trek Enterprise is turning into a pretty good show ( they just need to stay away from things like the western episode ) and I hope that the new BG does the same.

  • Nov. 16, 2003, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Actually, Lavaman...

    by DocPazuzu

    Chuck is fooling you. The sublime and brilliant revisionist posts are his trademark. Guaranteed to get unsuspecting geek-panties in a twist. The best and funniest troll here in ages.

  • Nov. 16, 2003, 11:14 p.m. CST

    The new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA reminds me of the cancel FOX Sci Fi

    by Saundman

    After reading Harry's reviews the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA reminds me of the cancel FOX Sci Fi series called "Space above and beyond"

  • Nov. 17, 2003, 3:37 a.m. CST

    Isn't Richard Hatch the first guy to win Survivor

    by BlockbusterWhore

  • Nov. 17, 2003, 7:20 p.m. CST

    Cylon poop

    by cooper2000

    Thats what this show sounds like. Why couldnt they just continue the old one. Sci Fi channel sucks.

  • Nov. 18, 2003, 5:06 p.m. CST

    BG and Mormons

    by Damer1

    BG is a big space age Mormon plot to take over the world. Glen Larson was a big time Mormon. Who knew? http://www.proaxis.com/~sherlockfam/art5.html

  • Nov. 18, 2003, 6:33 p.m. CST

    IamMcguffin

    by User ID:

    Why did you make that rude comment to DawnOfTheDead about a disability? I've met him and he's a good guy. It just seemed like an easy shot. Criticize his stupid comment, not his physical disability. It just seemed too easy man...

  • Nov. 18, 2003, 6:39 p.m. CST

    User ID:

    by DawnOfTheDead

    Thanks 'USER', I'm use to people like that. It surprises me though that the true identity of the person commenting is actually one of the major reviewers here. I will respect his anonymity. I don't know why he felt the need to hide behind a persona. I was just making a comment about Head Geek being outta touch and I got my disability rubbed in my face. WHATEVER...

  • Nov. 18, 2003, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Is it just me

    by alpha

    or does the show with the soldier and the trannie sound better than both of them straight away ... Crying Game the prequel!

  • Nov. 19, 2003, 6:19 a.m. CST

    What a shame...

    by Martian Tripod

    Damn what a shame, they didn't have to do much to make a hit, the original was terrific other than the constant reuse of footage and some iffy storylines, however it had the advantage of some WAY cool alien robots and very nice ships. This time they could have some decent special effects (not the horrible cgi images I've seen so far) and certainly bring back Richard hatch, Dirk benedict etc imperious leader and lucifer, loads more IL series, maybe some proper female Il series (i.e. not all big tits blond bimbo from hell lol) but female voices, maybe visit cylon, bring in the pegasus, make Lucifer a good guy, etc so many cool possibilities...instead...OMG! What a disaster the new show will be, It's going to be embarrassing. Oh well, maybe the game will be cool...so far it looks like its cut scenes will be better than the new abomination :)

  • Nov. 19, 2003, 7:36 a.m. CST

    seymore butts show

    by indy1977

    stick with this show, i've seen it in the UK already and its halarious, his uncle who runs his business is mad and some of the women in the later shows are great and we see adam like a legend at porn awards and conferences........it is funny that he cant get a girl but has lots of naked ones in his house all the time. One episode at a school reunion is class as the ones who know him faces drop when others realise they've seen his movies etc....

  • Nov. 23, 2003, 4:44 p.m. CST

    Galactica 4 evah

    by honkyhonky

    Yeah, I totally know what you are talking about with the 3am Staurday night Sci-fi viewing. Classic. And timeless. And I thought the comment about "Guaranteed to get unsuspecting geek-panties in a twist" was a literary gem. I know there is strong geek crush on the first Battlestar, and we are reluctant to replace our first love, but I believe in the power and genious of director Ron Moore. IMHO, I am sick and tired of entertaining shows getting their plugs pulled.

  • Nov. 27, 2003, 8:20 a.m. CST

    by krylite

    I can't help but think this is R.Moore's attempt to start another gritty show in the mold of Babylon5 but in a more decadent extreme. Though fans won't appreciate the disregard for series continuity using the name of Galatica just to bring in a few more older viewers. The original worked because it was the first time the sci-fi story of a battleship alone in space and fending for surival was put on tv. Plus it mainly defended itself like a WWII carrier. Baltar in many ways was the nemesis of Adama and a respected politician. Turning him into a mad scientist destroys the old character. Maybe sfx doesn't impress anymore though sfx that tells a story works wonders but only a few moviemakers like Peter Jackson can pull it off these days, so instead we've got to have sex in the pilot. It really isn't the animators fault, its the director/scriptwriter these days. Again, the show doesn't need to be camp like the original BG, but it doesn't need to be playboy channel fare either. Babylon5 is a good example that worked.

  • Dec. 1, 2003, 6:58 a.m. CST

    o boy..

    by Scorpicus

    Watch the gd mini-series then form opinions for yourselves. Don't rely on others hearsay or personal views. One mans gold is another mans turd so don't be prejudiced.

  • Dec. 4, 2003, 1:29 p.m. CST

    BG tagline - "Don't Create What You Can't Control"

    by The Gipper

    Somehow I don't think that this is a reference to the Cylons, rather to the creators of the original BG and those like Richard Hatch who have tried to resurrect it. I think that this tag line is a big F U to Glen Larson and Richard Hatch from the pansies that stole the franchise under cover of darkness the way the Colts snuck out of Baltimore for Indianapolis many years ago.

  • Dec. 4, 2003, 4:37 p.m. CST

    BSG / Space: A&B

    by The Gipper

    Comparing this new atrocity to Morgan and Wong's "Space: Above & Beyond" demeans that fine show. At least that show gave characters depth and didn't rely upon sex in lieu of storytelling. That show suffered from a few things -- one was the occasional slow episode. The other was FOX constantly jerking it around the schedule. It is a miracle that X-Files was ever given the chance to become a hit (I was prepared to see it end after Season 1 with Mulder's call to Scully saying, "They're shutting us down."

  • Dec. 5, 2003, 3:24 p.m. CST

    LMAO!!

    by allykatD

    That was about the funniest review Harry has written. Now I have to see it just to findout if Harry is right about the Cylone fuck-bot. LOL! And about the wooden acting. If anything, it can provide fodder for parody.

  • Dec. 17, 2003, 1:56 p.m. CST

    New Mini Series

    by mannycam

    What did these new imagineers expect, the proverbial welcome wagon...a loyal following for so many years. The series was taken from us only after one season which left us real fans pretty bitter. Now out of the blue it comes back to us....re-imagined????? I think not. For twenty years the loyal fans have been reimagining already. But not changing the recipe on us after we've already agreed on the taste. But seriously this new concept of Galactica is to close to present day. It feels to familiar. The original by its execution in props and dialogue made you realize that this was another place in time and space. Ive heard people say hey no big deal about a strong female fighter pilot something new...NEW....these people arent real fans because if they were they would have remembered that alot of the pilots were in fact female including a sometimes cranky but very capable pilot called Sheba. She personafied the womens movement very well. What a man can do I can do better. No one wants to bring back the effects of the 70s get a life people and of course a newer version would reflect the times but dont get rid of the whole recipe. Well this new writer director tried but Richard Hatch should have been at the helm of this thing. Certainly it would not have been to far fetched to simply add a continuation of the original.. minus the last efforts made of course. Commander Apollo Adama, Possibly finding Starbuck Dirk Benedict morooned on a planet and then rescued by Apollo this because of the new threat posed by the newly vamped Cylons but please enough wth the sex around every bend. And nothing against the new Starbuck but she just comes across as a juvenile delinquent in the series and not an ace fighter pilot. Richard Hatch come back. The dignity, self assurance and professionalism not to mention the carisma that the old cast had are not evident here. Values family or otherwise? No where. Where was the actual invasion of the Cylons a few mushroom clouds in the distance? The old lets make em take the bodies of the humans trick...An inexpensive way out. Highly advanced cylons shooting missles??? This series had "Cut Corners All over it" Youre either a fan of the original or youre not. Every character in this thing is a rebel. The real fans wouldnt mind a new series but dont call it Galactica and alter everything about it. Oh what could have been... Cassie could now had be a surgeon. Sheba the Commander of her own battlestar. The possiblities are endless. But NOT a remake! A real fan doesnt settle for less.

  • Feb. 4, 2004, 8:29 a.m. CST

    Get over it

    by twitchone

    It was'nt that bad.

  • Feb. 5, 2005, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Last!

    by 2LeggedFreak

    Ah the benefit of hindsight ! We now have possible one of the best Sci-fi shows on tv as a result of this mini- series. Its great to come back here to where , if Harry had had his way, the mini-series would have been the end of it.

  • July 15, 2005, 4:53 a.m. CST

    Even Laster.

    by gigaloff

    i have the greatest respect for Harry and his reviews, but I don&#39;t think he has ever been more wrong than here.

  • June 8, 2007, 8:58 p.m. CST

    Wonder what he thinks of it now.........

    by WM6929

    bet he flipfops on his opinion. You would think he would have a strong spine carrying that much weight.

  • June 10, 2007, 9:53 p.m. CST

    Holy shit is Harry obtuse..

    by Billyeveryteen

    Sad really. Thank God no one listens to him.

  • June 13, 2007, 6:17 a.m. CST

    Ah well

    by grapefruitzzz

    Compared to the rest of the series, the miniseries *is* a bit slow and has some rather cheese-cakey sex scenes. (I love the way they quietly dropped the 'glowing spines' and neeever referred to them again). Also poor dear Lee comes across as a total arse here. Starbuck is no different and just as wonderful/aggravating here as ever. My dad watched this the other day and could barely get through it because of all the "feminist shite". Smoking cigars! Hitting men! (well, robots). I tried to point out that Kara is a macho self-parody, really, but it was no use. I wonder if Harry hated that part as well.