Well I saw THE BORROWERS today.

Before I describe my incredibly relaxing and comfortable day, which led me up to The


Borrowers, let me give you a quick incentive to see the movie. Do you like Darby O'Gill


And The Little People? Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory? 10,000 Fingers Of Dr


T? Do you love films that can explain funny little things in life, and add a little magic to


your world? If the answer is yes, and you are still in direct contact with the 8 year old in


yourself, go see The Borrowers. I'll explain why below, but first let me tell you why the 8


year old Harry was sitting 4th row center on this day...

Woke up today, on a lazy day. I was completely relaxed. I wandered into the living


room, opened up the latest packages of scripts. I was pleased by what I saw. Then I


decided that I wanted to go see The Borrowers today. Why? I don't know, I didn't hear


much through the ol spy network. I haven't seen many reviews, but I got that... vibe from


it. A small kids film that could have magic. I was figuring on something around the


coolness factor of INDIAN IN THE CUPBOARD. Dad and I agree to see it at 1715


hours (c.s.t.). We had two hours till the film, and I decided I wanted to go do a run to


TOYS R US.

So Dad and I went to get in our kinda-motorized vehicle. When I get in, it looks like half


the damn trees in Austin have been cut down and stashed in the van. WHAT THE


HELL!!!

Dad says he saw a sign saying "Free Wood". ... .... ... My Dad is insane. The guy is


waking up in the morning and loading wood in our van. Not only wood, but gigantic


Trunks of trees. Well, at least the van smells like a forest. That is an improvement. Ever


since my sister satan puked in the back of the van 5 years ago it has stunk.

We head over to TOYS R US. Dad's leg is hurting, but this is Toys R Us, and kids like


him and I get a pure energy buzz from the pure storage of potential fun embodied in a


Toys R Us. We begin weaving through the aisles toward the sacred Action Figure Aisle.


My heart begins racing, you see I'm hoping to find some sort of golden fleece here. Hey


that'd be a cool toy, a life size golden fleece with real healing action. Or hey maybe a cool


George Pal TIME MACHINE toy with wind-up fanback in an authentic velvet lined box


with a real bent cigar!!! You see I have fantasies like this. But I'd settle for that cool Han


Solo on TaunTaun. Or maybe a cool Nova figure.

As I get to the Action Figure Aisle, I see a cool Scarlet Witch, I begin carrying it, till I see


the remote control Speeder Bike toy, then I pass the Batman toys which all suck. How on


earth can they continue to make ugly Batman Toys? It's amazing, these color schemes are


terrible. Flourescent colors? Yeah... right. Then I see the most hideous toy I have ever


seen. Something so awful it makes my spine curl. It looks like a stuffed squished


Budweiser Frog that was bleached by the sun. In actuality it is the beany baby of Jabba


The Hut. It's horrible. It makes me want to destroy things. This evil doll, it'll destroy


children, corrupt them. I mean beyond the cool concept of a stuffed drug and prostitute


mafia boss beany doll for kids, it is just one of the most repulsive toys ever created. I


mean... HEY COOL G'KAR!!!!! Cool a G'Kar action figure. Cool. The paint is a little


lame, but it is still cool. Oh neat Daisy Duke! Oh COOL DR NO!!!!!! And he looks


cool. Coool. Lost In Space toys!!! I love these... the robots... neat... WOW THE


VOICE, ITS THE VOICE!!!!!! Must Buy!

(At this point Dad has wandered off)

With an extremely limited budget I limit the purchase down to just the two Lost In Space


Robots. I'm walking back down the aisle, when I catch site of a cool box with X-MEN #1


on the cover. I go over and open the box.... ... ... wow... ... Bobby Drake, Warren


Worthington III, Scott and Jane... and the great big handed and footed Hank McCoy.


Bobby is all snowman looking!!! Angel has real wings. Marvel Girl has modest sized


breasts, not the bazoongas the comics currently give the super women. I must own this.


This is cooler than cool. $49.99!!!! OH NO!!!!! Not $50+ with tax. I can't afford that.


Crap. Wait, there was another tag on another side of the box. YES YES


YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS $21.99. I can do that!!!! Yesssssss!!!!


Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

Dad sees me bouncing around like a toddler. Excited, babbling. Dad takes it out of my


hands and opens it. "Coooooool!!!" he exclaimed. Then, "$49.99!!!!!!!!"

"No, see looky," as I show him the cheaper price. Heh heh heh. He smiles. YESSS!!! I'm


getting it. Yeah, bad boy in da house. Get down with my funky self. Yeah Yeah I da


man...

I get excited about this stuff. Right now the entire Kirby X-Men are hanging from my


Trombone, beside my Superman cookie jar. (yeah the one in that US picture)

We get the toy, me pay for with me own hard earned moola. This is my 'vanity purchase'


for the month. I'm happy. If I were Imelda Marcos, I woulda just bought the Ruby


Slippers, but I'm Harry, and Jack Kirby's X-Men are gods. As we leave the toy store, I


begin undoing the tape. We are walking across the parking lot to the Taco Bell, then we'll


go see the movie. I order a crap load of burritos with that delicious Green Sauce and


extra onions. Their new Fire sauce is good too. I get Dr Pepper and Dad gets Pepsi. We


(Dad and I) begin playing with the toys. We are so into it, we never hear our number


called, and the Taco Bell person was forced to bring the food out to us, because we were


reenacting the Danger Room on our Taco Table!!!

Food makes us put the toys down. We woof down our food and rush for the van, we're


running a little behind, so we have to hurry. We get our ticket and rush in. As we


approach our screen, we begin to see the poster.

"Dad, you know... this movie could REALLY SUCK?"

Dad responds with, "Yeah I know, it's your deal."

"Hey don't blame me, Hollywood just doesn't make good kids fantasy flicks."

We continue dreading the film as we take our seats. Lowering our expectations because...


this has to suck. We begin laughing about how we just paid $3.50 (matinee) a piece for


some cool trailers. We agree the trailers will be better than the film. The lights darken as


the box of popcorn with the gold watch awaits his slurpable girlfriend.

The first trailer is Disney. It's that Richard Dreyfus as a completely ex-respectable actor


with full body paint, shooting home videos of his kids hacking at each other's privates in


the backyard for the entertainment of the elitist Lily Tomlin. UGH!!!! Dad says, "This is


the highlight?"

Second trailer is... BARNEY. AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! The hideous beast


blandifies our screen. I have read the script for the BARNEY movies. It could have been


(yes I do know how this sounds) a magical children's film. Barney killed in the first 2


minutes by viscious ILM raptors. The children run and flee with Baby Bop. They are


trapped in a cave, and Baby Bop sacrifices herself to the raptors so the kids escape. A T-


Rex kills the kids, as the camera pulls out to reveal Franklin Richard watching a Fantastic


Four Jack Kirby designed television set.... Hey I could wish.

Then the QUEST FOR CAMELOT trailer. MY GOD THEY ARE ACTUALLY


GETTING WORSE. By the time the two headed dragon is in the Vegas Elvis outfit


singing I'm crying. This ain't fair. It can't get any worse.

Billy Crystal and this giant appear on screen, a fat old lady ends up asking the giant how


long his penis is.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Folks at this point I tell Dad, it has to be better than these trailers. As the film began a


smile crossed my face. I'm not sure why, but all of a sudden I realized I was about to have


fun. This was a fantastic universe filled with the old, current and future. H.G.Welles


meets Jules Verne meets England. Bulgemobiles everywhere. All the beings were dressed


in a sort of retro-futuro clothes that... well just look cool.

This film is a jewel, a little diamond hiding beneath a pile of coal. I don't want to spoil this


film for you, but if you have a child, if you are a child, if you are immature and child-like


then this film is for you. I can't believe I had as much fun with this movie as I did.

I love films that make me smile continually. For you effects geeks there is some stuff


that'll just knock your socks off. I don't think this is really a 'fluff' piece, there is actually


some genuine danger in sequences. Do you like Wallace and Gromit? Well in a way it is


the same universe. And I get the feeling that in any second King Brian or an Oompa


Loompa is gonna pop up. And there is one reference to another modern kids film that I


howled at when I saw.

This movie is cool. It is fun, it is thrilling, it is smart, and it is dumb. And all in the right


places. What I love most is the fact that it creates a new crackpot belief system in me. I'll


be complaining about these little buggers for years if not the rest of my lifetime. I'll be


able to use them to shirk my own responsibilities. What a freedom.

Act fast on seeing this film, it won't be sticking around long, due to a terrible advertising


campaign.