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Big SPIDER-MAN 2 news regarding the rough of the trailer Avi just showed in Japan!!!

Hey folks, Harry here... as if watching LOST IN TRANSLATION and KILL BILL didn't make me wish I was in Japan enough, along comes this description of the SPIDER-MAN 2 trailer that Avi Arad just showed a gaggle of businessmen in Japan. Ya know... tonight, when you go to sleep, you're going to dream of this trailer... You'll wake up stuck to your covers all James Cameron Spidey fashion. You'll see... it'll be awful, but for now... THIS RULES HARDCORE!!!

Hey Harry!

first time writer here, from Japan. I got some exciting stuff to tell. I just saw the rough trailer for Spiderman 2, fresh off the hands of the executive producer Avi Arad. Today it was Marvel Enterprise Inc.'s Presentation in Tokyo to announce Marvel Inc Japan, everybody from Japan clothing, food, toys, etc industries were there for the presentation. The purpose is mainly to gain new Japanese business partners. It was a very interesting and boring presentation. Because like any other business presentations, they are trying to sell stuff. I have been a Marvel Maniac since I was a kid (From the States originally) I mean it was exciting listening to them talking about Marvel characters but it is boring at the same time, with charts and analyzation on popularity of Marvel characters to consumers in Japan (as oppose to Pokemon, Digi-mon crap). Anywho......for a big company like Marvel, the presentation DID SUCK, because! the Power Points are the worst I ever seen and they keep messing up the order (in business class, you get a big O "F")  

ok, I was falling asleep until, bang Avi Arad shows up, telling people about Marvel Movies. Shows past trailers like Blade, Spiderman, X-Men, Hulk, etc. Using the LAME line "we have about 10 characters from Marvel superhero Database that are being made into Movies and use as promotion for product, we still HAVE 49,000 characters left for you (the companies) to get license from us" (yeah, translation: good characters has been used, you Japanese get the left over crap, jkjk). OK, to Spiderman 2  

Avi Arad, warn us that this cut was just done about a few days ago (FRESH from Sam Raimi!!!!) No CG was done, nothing was finished, just rough. At first I thought it was the Comic Con footage (I never seen it, I would of been happy just with that), but NO, it is the rough cut of the trailer that is either going to be shown in December. I can tell ya the trailer is about 2 minutes. I can also tell ya, I crap and pissed my pants after I saw it.  

Ok, the footage is top secret stuff, why? it has the CEO name of Marvel printed on the copy. Dead center of the footage. No one is going to steal this copy and release it on the net.  

Ready? FULL description:  

Mary Jane and Peter at a resturant talking. (I think the pictures that was on the net a while ago was this scene) MJ: Do you love me? PP: (pause for a bit) No (not very convincing). (It is a very slow scene) MJ: Kiss me, Peter (leans over, ready to kiss) PP: (trying to resist, but REALLY want to kiss the soft jicy lips of Cutey Dunst, ooohhh, gong for it)....................  

SUDDENLY, in FULL slow motion, PP leans over (like he is going to kiss her), but NO, pushes her away, as a TAXI crashes in behind PP's head, Matrix style slow speed, as PP pulls MJ away, the Taxi is flying in mid-air, just inches away from PP's head, broken glass everywhere, in slow motion. PP and MJ hit the floor, the Taxi's tires just barely passes by PP's eye balls. Back to regular speed, Taxi crash into the back wall of the cafe/resturant.  

Shot from outside, tentacles (YEAH!!!) moving towards to cafe at a FAST SPEED. walks in Doc Ock, he is floating in air, only the tentacles are moving on the ground. AWESOME!!!! then the Doc, smiles madly at them. After this full scene, is all fast editing (most of it in CG wireframe) BUT ALOT, means, this trailer is FULL of FX once it is complete!!!  

ok, remember the last scene of spiderman 1 where spidey swing around in the money shot of NY city, think if that multiply by 100!!! spidey is all over the place, swing like crazy!!! FULL ON, no cuts, just kept swinging and swinging. Then we got a scene, (looks like before the scene in Comic Con) with Doc Ock, flexing the tentacles in front of the scentists (before they were beat up). His back with fused tentacles facing the Camera.  

Then we got scenes of spidey battles Doc Ock, Doc Ock using his tentacles throwing (I MEAN THROWING!!!) loads of cars and taxis at the swinging Spidey, loads of expolsion!! as the cars hits buildings near by in the NY streets. Spider is trying hard to dodge them.  

One cool scene is, Doc Ock, successfully KICK spidey's ASS, knocks him out with the tentacles and carries him away. Then next scene, put him down in front of a fire place with his tentacles. Where you see Harry, holding a knife ready to stab him with it, and Doc Ock with a big smile in the back, just watching with a gesture "go ahead, stab him"  

More battle scenes, tentacles all over, spidey shooting webs. Doc Ock is pretty much floating in AIR the whole time, his legs never touched ground. AMAZING STUFF!!  

then as the trailer coming to an end, we see a green screen scene of Alfred Molina's face, with a big Doc Ock smile, the camera pans out, Ock is now a wireframe CG character, he climbs up a big building (the building in the poster) like KING KONG STYLE climb on the side of a Empire State. You can tell is right before the final showdown between him and spidey.  

Screen turns black, the number "2" shows up, then "July", then "2004". END  

WOW!!! everyone in the presentation room start CLAPPING!!! I dirtied myself.......even more, right after they showed a FULL uncut video of Spiderman Ride Film at Universal to promote the opening of next year.  

I really hope we get to see this, with FULL CG FX soon. I cant wait. Spidey 2 is expensive and looks expensive. Avi Avad said, "we spend LOAD of MONEY on this, but is money well spend", "Hurry and partner with us, Marvel Inc"  

Well, that is it, I got my free Marvel T-Shirt, Free X-Men 2, DareDevil DVDs, free comics, booklet and a COOL ASS Marvel BAG. Meet quite a few interesting people there, like Sony Pictures Japan CEO, Universal Studio Japan Marketing Director. I consider myself very lucky. Because everyone was there to do business, I was just there to get FREE SHIT.  

Hopefully, I will get a preview pass to Spiderman Ride (maybe the movie too?) because my company I work for as some what a connection with Marvel and Universal.  

Well, I hope this is interesting news, get you guys excitied about Spidey 2. Sam Raimi, you are GOD and please make EVIL DEAD 4!!!!!!!!!!  

Peace out

Call me .........PSION  

Raimi - this is Harry - You will bring a tape of this to Austin IMMEDIATELY, you can not control yourself... yes... now you are scheduling the flight, yes, feel yourself dialing the Airline... yes, you are coming today, today, to show me this trailer... then give it to me so I can watch it 20,000 times over the next 5 days. Yes, you know you will. Yes... Come, give me the trailer!!! You can not resist! While you can't resist, you will go to NEW LINE and sign a contract to direct a $97 million dollar EVIL DEAD 4 movie!

Readers Talkback
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  • Oct. 16, 2003, 7:26 a.m. CST


    by mbaker

    Glad to hear that Sam will also hel the third movie!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 7:27 a.m. CST

    The first film was nearly as bad as DAREDEVIL, but I have hopes

    by Cash Bailey

    I'm sure Raimi has far more control over this film, which can only be a good thing.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 7:36 a.m. CST


    by MyWord

    I didn't really like Spidey 1. To me it was the modern day version of Superman: The Movie. It had the same origin story at its core, a love triangle, poor dialogue and some FX shots will be laughed at by the future generation but I think Spidey 2 will kick ass. They've got a bigger bugdet and a non-Power Rangers villain. That's enough to please me.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 7:37 a.m. CST


    by MyWord

    I didn't really like Spidey 1. To me it was the modern day version of Superman: The Movie. It had the same origin story at its core, a love triangle, poor dialogue and some FX shots will be laughed at by the future generation but I think Spidey 2 will kick ass. They've got a bigger bugdet and a non-Power Rangers villain. That's enough to please me.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:29 a.m. CST

    The first Spidey film was great and you all know it....I hate pe

    by Cletus Van Damme

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Gee, more FX shots instead of stunts? Can't wait.

    by minderbinder

    The origin story was great, now that that's over I hope they can come up with something less boring than the lousy climax of the first one. Considering his portfolio, Raimi sure had a hard time putting together action sequences in Spidey. (who knows, maybe he couldn't work within the PG-13)

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:39 a.m. CST

    Can't wait for this Movie

    by Barry White

    Shame I'm talking about Matrix 3! Doc Cocks sucks ass and always will they should have brought in VENOM!!!!! Shittttttttt

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:42 a.m. CST

    It sounds like this reviewer needs to see a doctor, or at least

    by trouserpress

    Enough said. Oh, except to say that Evil Dead 4 would be great, but I don't think Bruce will ever do it.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:42 a.m. CST

    Best AICN line ever 'I dirtied myself...'

    by MKiro

    Made me chuckle a lot! By the way, that 3D Spider-Man ride at Islands Of Adventure (Florida)is the best ride out there. Took the kids a couple of years ago, and we must have gone on it 15 times. Wonderful! If only the movie had been as good.....

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:44 a.m. CST

    Mary Jane is the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet!!!

    by jimmychitwood

    wow harry, actual NEWS...holy shit...and not just crap about your personal life...i am pretty bummed though...why so much cgi...can't be have some old time stuntmen...i guess that some things have to be arms, etc...but sam, less is more!!!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:48 a.m. CST

    Only thing I want for this one is more sarcastic Spidey

    by Terry_1978

    It was cool in part one that he wasn't that flippant since he was just starting out and was pretty pissed about life in general, but now I wanna hear him poke fun at Doc Ock and other criminals during his acrobatics...hell, even a couple Bendis-like pop culture references would do it for me.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8:49 a.m. CST

    In ENGLISH CLASS you get a big O "F"

    by LeeScoresby

    But thanks for the informative info.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 9:04 a.m. CST

    Well, judging from this guy who likes to shit his pants alot. Th

    by screenplaywriter

    The first one I enjoyed very much and put it up there as #1 for my favorite superhero movies tied with Batman, because they both have got good storylines, good characters, and people who know they have a very cursed life and to add on another curse: being a superhero just gets even harder and harder down the road. I look forward to seeing Doc Ock because in the cartoons he wasn't given much of a chance to give Spidey a royal ass-whupping, but in the comics he would easily try to crush and pulverize the little bug man every chance he got. So, that's why I am praying they make him one badass scientist. Here are some other things I hope for: 1. Kirsten Dunst/Mary Jane in a bra and panties kissing Spider-Man. would that be HOTT seeing her in those. 2. Doc Ock on a fucking killing spree. I thought the Green Goblin was cool with all his gadgetry and stuff, but I wish he would've used that spear he tried to kill Spidey with in the end on somebody, like just impaled one of the OSCORP workers it would've been awesome! 3. A stronger plot, storyline, characters, action sequences, etc. than the first. They're spending alot of money into this so it better be as great and as incredible as the other one. 4. Lastly, we need sarcastic Spidey and more of "my spidey-sense tingling." You could do it when this guy described where the taxi comes flying at him. I mean you could have him sense it and then push Mary Jane out of the way and have the taxi just soar right past his head. It would give the fans and others something to cheer and root for. All in all PRAISE Sam Raimi for getting "SPIDER-MAN" off the ground and making the second which will be the biggest-ass-kicking-blockbuster for 2004.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 9:53 a.m. CST

    Oops, I crapped my pants!!!

    by Blanket-Man

    Must see trailer now!!! In the words of John McClane: NOW, GODDAMMIT, NOW!!!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Better Effects Can Be Found In...

    by HumanDog

    The final Capt. Dale! That's right, after thirteen exciting episodes, the series comes to an end. Please visit and check it out. Also, don't be afriad to e-mail us, we would appreciate your feedback.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 10:12 a.m. CST


    by Devil'sOwn

    Nice scoop. Gettin' back to the guts of what this site is about. First of all, DAREDEVIL wasn't "bad". Despite questionable casting and chop suey storytelling, as a longtime fan, I enjoyed it overall. And c'mon, SPIDER-MAN was just good, clean fun. I had no expectations after that forever-long wait, and it was beautiful. The story could always be better in these movies, and we all pray directors will stop mistaking hammy scenery-chewing for great acting from the film's villain, but other than that, it's Raimi doing what Raimi does best- in your face, high-octane action and, hey, sympathetic characters. So it wasn't a classic of Western cinema. It doesn't have to be. It just has to be an exhilerating escape. I'd think this would be the perfect remedy to those of you who found THE MATRIX too confusing, LotR too long and grandiose, and the STAR WARS prequels too... too (i.e. corny and gimmick-laden, although, by definition, that's what SW is, kids). It reminded me in it's basic structure of Superman: The Movie and Batman (which, strangely, hasn't held up well over time to me nowadays), in a good way. Once you get over the Goblin costume, there's a good tale there to appeal to a broad audience. I realize there's no pleasing everybody. But the critiques I see against the film are flimsy, weak, complaints from trifling people who'll apparently never be satisfied with anything. Pitiful. These individuals seemingly wish to have our admiration because they dare to be mavericks, deriding anything and everything the rest of us poor schlubs who didn't flourish in such culturally advanced, cosmopolitan environments might enjoy. Please. While I accept cgi is neccessary for some scenes in these movies, I really can't see Raimi becoming too dependent on it. And I agree with others that now that the origin set-up tale has been told, let's see the real, wisecracking Spidey, and conversely, please make Doc Ock a very real threat, not just a target for the Wed-head's insults as he has sometimes been portrayed in the past. I wouldn't mind a bit if this sequel surpassed the first film.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 10:21 a.m. CST


    by Blanket-Man

    Just remembered that Al Powell (not McClane) actually yells "NOW, GODDAMMIT, NOW!!!" in Die Hard (as McClane shoots up his car). Hey, it's tough to think straight with a fresh load in your pants. Thanks a lot, Raimi!!!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Better run it by Osama first.

    by Nozoki

    I hope Osama likes this trailer better than the first teaser for part 1. He really didn't like that shot of the web between the twin towers.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 11:33 a.m. CST

    Falling in line...

    by BigPoppi

    With all the Pro-Spiderman people here. Can't wait to see this. If it's half as cool as our friend with the broken english made it out to be I cannot wait. Oh, and I just have to say this. Has nothing to do with Spiderman or any other movie but I'm so jazzed by it. Okay here we go: CUBS LOOSE!!!! CUBS LOOSE!!!! The long dark night of post season baseball is over! Sorry about that but I couldn't resist.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 11:34 a.m. CST

    Falling in line...

    by BigPoppi

    With all the Pro-Spiderman people here. Can't wait to see this. If it's half as cool as our friend with the broken english made it out to be I cannot wait. Oh, and I just have to say this. Has nothing to do with Spiderman or any other movie but I'm so jazzed by it. Okay here we go: CUBS LOOSE!!!! CUBS LOOSE!!!! The long dark night of post season baseball is over! Sorry about that but I couldn't resist.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 11:57 a.m. CST

    FX and Wire Work Are OVER USED!...

    by stlfilmwire

    FX generated heroes suck. Wire work is an annoying American cinema fad that needs to go back to the kung fu flicks where they came from.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 12:32 p.m. CST

    read this with an asian accent

    by 1842

    quick, re-read this to yourself with an excited asian accent. it sounds awesome. oh and one more thing, spiderman was overrrrrrrated. i wonder if spidey will beat doc oc? or whatever octopus man is named. hmmm? yes, it's boring. they should make a movie about that idiot foul-ball cub's fan running for his life.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 12:36 p.m. CST

    I made boom boom in my pants

    by Reedus

    I have never actually seen spiderman 1. I never cared. but now I've dirtied myself. so I guess I will have to rent it or something.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Your worst pants crapping stories HERE!!

    by IAmJacksUserID

    Keeping with the theme of this load dropping story, I would like to tell my stinkbomb story. I was at a bar, just started drinking, when I felt a terrible something in my stomach. I think it was the fast food cheeseburger I scarfed down too quickly. Anyway, I am pretty particular when it comes to my bathrooms, I can't just go anywhere. Plus I was at a bar. Hello? Trainspotting? But I also didn't drive tonight, so I was in a bind. I begged my roommate to let me use his car. He agreed and I flew out of the bar and jumped into his car. Luckily, my apartment was only 5 or so miles down the road, but stop lights would become a constant obstacle to my porcelain objective. Now I was becomming aware of a brewing battle, a battle between the mind and the lower body, a battle of stamina and control. I could sense the great load that was forming and yearning to break free. It grew and pounded on my insides. It would be a very messy defeat if I lost this battle. As I drove home, I had to maintain my speed as I was in the downtown area, but I could feel the strength of the impending intestinal disaster growing, and I tightened my waning control over the forces that held what seemed like tons of reeking, slimy, black evil within my body. My trousers were clean so far, so I was winning, but barely. I tightened the grip on the steering wheel and used it as some kind of leverage or something in an attempt to increase resistance. Red lights seemed to taunt me at every small distance. Damn them, I cursed, but not too loudly as to not weaken every piece of energy in my body dedicated to holding in my shit with absolute conviction. As I came within a couple of turns from my apartment, I felt something slip past my defenses. As tightly as I held, something managed to squeeze through. I felt a slight damp warmth within my seat...or actually my friend's seat. I yelled like someone who had just been shot in battle. A minor defeat had just been suffered on the front lines! Or the rear lines in this case. But, as in war, there will be setbacks. I must fight on, I cried aloud! I attempted to summon all of the will I could muster, so much indeed that my grip on the steering wheel seemed to elevate me in the air with only my feet touching. I had to increase my hold to maximum. I felt every muscle in my body tighten to a painful hardness and my face seemed to become made of concrete. The steering wheel felt like it was about to break. My apartment grew closer by what seemed like months instead of years. But I had many turns ahead of me and I could feel my defenses shift and weaken momentarily as I hurled down and around the last mile of road towards my apartment. We were about to be overun, I could feel. As hard as I was holding, this great and tremedous internal force was getting through. Their strength was increasing as the last of my strength was dying quickly. It was a hopeless battle, but I thought back to Willian Wallace holding back the English and I felt a slight surge of inspiration. "THEY MAKE TAKE MY TROUSERS, BUT THEY WILL NEVER TAKE...MY FREEDOM!!" But the surge was only temporary, and I felt the opposing forces gaining very slight but valuable ground. Ok, my apartment is only a few minutes away, I said, trying to reassure myself. I drove like Luke navigating the Death Star trenches and zipped through the parking lots of my apartment complex. I could feel the end near. My apartment! I zipped out in front of the curb and didn't even bother to park. Now I had to release my grip on the steering wheel which would compromise a harmony of restraint systems all going on at the same time within my body. I thought back to Trinity in the Matrix after she had escaped the Agents and had jumped through that window. "GET OUT. DAMMIT, GET OUT NOW!! I summoned the last of my will and flung myself out of the vehicle. Trying to maintain some internal control, I lurched my seized body up the HUGE hill to my apartment. I moved as little as possible which made me resemble a more retarded version of Quasimodo, hauling a stiff body uphill. I made it and carefully ascended the steps to my door. Just as I stopped to unlock my door, it happened. No matter how thick or high our walls were, they came over in force. My great door had been smashed down and inside flooded the great evil. It wasn't that my defense was weak, it was that their strength had grown so much that they simply overcame through. And all of them. At one time. I tried to re-establish my hold, but it was too late, it was like putting small patches on the breeches on the Titanic. My hold, which had lasted an impressive and impossible 12 or so minutes, had failed. Right withing 20 feet of my toilet. I felt my pants warm and damp all over as I yelled out in crushing defeat. Still, I rushed in and charged down the hall into my bathroom as slimy blackness gripped my rear and legs. The majority of them may have got me, but I'll take a few of them bastards out. I removed all of my clothing and sat on my toilet. The stench of defeat caught up to me and I almost wretched at the sight and scent of this terrible tragedy. My lower body clothing was ruined, and puddles of crap were sprinkled on the floor leading up to and into my bathroom. It was like a bloody battlefield. This was my Falkirk. In the end, I had to throw away my pants, boxers, and socks. And it took me nearly an hour to secure the area and clean up the mess. It was a terrible event that I will never forget. Now let's hear your stories!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 1:37 p.m. CST

    Avi Avad said, "we spend LOAD of MONEY on this, but is money wel

    by koomoReborn

    So. Ari's a chink?

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 1:40 p.m. CST

    LOSE, did they? jackass

    by philosophist

    go spidey

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 1:48 p.m. CST

    Spidey 2

    by joshuaonenine

    This trailer is off the hoook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant wait to see doc ock floatin in the air via tenticles. ICE COLD say hey.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 1:52 p.m. CST

    X2 is its main competition in comic book sequels

    by AlwaysThere

    We will see how things turn out in July 2004.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 2:39 p.m. CST

    Stupid Kirsten Dunst

    by 007-11

    WHY MUST SHE BE IN THIS MOVIE? Ruins almost everything, fortunately "Spiderman" was SO kickass I was able to look past the fact that she was in it. Sounds like this one is going to be just as, if not more, kickass.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Learn to write!

    by jorson2

    Granted, I'd love to hear about a Spiderman 2 trailer, but I'm SO tired of reading spoilers by people who write like a second grader, especially in the misuse of commas. I wish to hell these things would be screened or edited or something. For me, it just ruins everything. I have to put so much effort into figuring out just what the hell they're saying to enjoy what they're saying.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Learn to write!

    by jorson2

    Granted, I'd love to hear about a Spiderman 2 trailer, but I'm SO tired of reading spoilers by people who write like a second grader, especially in the misuse of commas. I wish to hell these things would be screened or edited or something. For me, it just ruins everything. I have to put so much effort into figuring out just what the hell they're saying to enjoy what they're saying.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 3:38 p.m. CST

    My niece and I are there in July

    by Lost Skeleton

    Spidey 2 sounds so fucking cool Oh, and congrads Harry Paris Hilton begging you for the high hard one but you decline because you hate trashy party hos plus you already had a threesome with Britney Spears and Ashanti while Angelina Jolie watched and got off then let you bang her in the shitter afterward because she was so turned on by your technique on November 5th!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 3:42 p.m. CST

    evil dead 4 with MAN-GOD BRUCE CAMPBELL!!!!!

    by magyarman

    i'm there

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 4:19 p.m. CST

    ec-squeeze me...

    by jvrsn2

    Daredevil had the cojones' that Spiderman wished it had. They should've intro'ed MJ but had Green Goblin off Gwen Stacy instead like in the comics. Daredevil had the b a double l's to actually off the female lead like in the comics. I'm looking forward to the Spidey/Harry showdown. Sounds like Harry masterminded the whole Doc Ock thing in this version from what the trailer sounds like. It'll be aiiight. Mad props to whoever quoted John Mcclane, and my all-time favorite movie Die Hard.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 4:31 p.m. CST


    by Itchy

    On Ms. Dunst, that is.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 4:31 p.m. CST

    JackMercy says...

    by Be like water

    SM2 Will OWN next summer. I have been a fan since waaaaay back in the day. Once I saw that teaser poster of Doc Ock, I knew. Then, I hear this, and lordy, we all have no need to pray. I think we're in quite good hands. More money, more control, our Sam's got it down. BAM! All you posers worrying about CGI should have no fear, I'm sure things will be much improved this time around -- they know where they're going and they know how to get there. And all of your crappy pants stories kill me, but special prize goes to YOU: IamJacksUserID -- That thoroughly amused me-- I can always count on the TBrs for a laugh-out-loud. And no, I wouldn't say no to Kirsten D., even if she knocked on my door all dirty and smelly! She'd be in my house and heart in a Spider-moment! By the way y'all: It is --and always has been-- SPIDER-MAN. Fear the Hyphen! (I even read a scholarly book recently that made the mistake of one word!) JM signing off.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 4:33 p.m. CST


    by Anomaly

    That was the funniest post I have ever had the pleasure of reading my friend. The allusion to Braveheart was priceless. I would share a story with you but I'm sorry to say I have never shit my pants.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 5:01 p.m. CST


    by MisterGrimloch

    without question, that post was simultaneously poetic genius, and comic gold. i salute you, and genuinely wish to say that i have not laughed as hard from reading a talkback EVER. incredibly, i posted a story of a similiar nature on a website some years ago that a couple of friends had started. once again, i wish to say that your post was fantastically hilarious, and i hope to read more such posts in future.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 5:09 p.m. CST

    The Animated Batman will always be the best

    by mbaker

    The last two Bat fimls sucked royal ass, and while the first two got the basic idea right, they're still far from perfect. "Mask Of The Phantasm" is still the best Batman movie adaptation ever made, with "Return Of The Joker" (Uncut) a close second! I have yet to see a Batman film that's anywhere near as good as the animated series. Although "Batman: Dead End" came pretty close.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 5:35 p.m. CST


    by mbaker

    You have a good point. CGI is a huge benefit to the gerne films, but unless you have a good director, and a good script, you end up with a disaster. Then Hollywood looks at gerne films as being too risky, and instead focuses more attention to all the light hearted fluffy crap that passes for cinema these days.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 5:42 p.m. CST


    by IAmJacksUserID

    Thanks for the kind feedback, guys! I am sad to say that I do have more pants crap stories but I am thinking of saving them for the PANTS CRAP trilogy. The first entry will be the above story and it will be independent from the latter entries but it would be essential in establishing the main conflict; the dreaded DIARRHEA. That would be like the Empire in Star Wars and I would sorta be Luke Skywalker who has to fight them and learn to control my bowels, kinda like control over the Force. The second entry, the DIARRHEA STRIKES BACK, would of course be the darkest entry and end on some plot twist, like my dad was a pants crapper before me or something. It would end on that cliffhanger. The thrilling conclusion would be the triumphant followup, RETURN OF THE BOWEL MASTER. In this fast paced conclusion to the PANTS CRAP trilogy, years of internal conflict and training have enabled me complete mastery over my bowels so that I become not only the BOWEL MASTER, but a non pants crapper and I live a happy, trouser-fresh life.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Another sorry tale...

    by Mr Funktastic

    Not exactly a shat-my-pants story, but in a similar vein... Once back in my college days i had the unfortunate experience of having to assist a roommate with an 'intervention' -- getting his deeply alcoholic father onto a plane where family and recovery were awaiting. You see, he was so far gone that his medical license had been revoked, and his family practice was being shut down, and yet he was in denial and continuing to see patients, etc... we ended up have to go to his practice, get him very drunk until almost passing out, and then escort him onto a plane. A sordid affair. While we were at the practice we looked around for anything that was worth salvaging before the bank came and locked the doors for good. Amongst several things we saw (including a tiny human fetus in a jar), we found some Dilaudid! (Remember this was my college days of drugs, experimenting, etc). Dilaudid, if you will all recall, the one thing that makes William S. Burroughs say "Now this is the real deal" or some such thing when Matt Dillon brings him a bag of goodies in Drugstore Cowboy. The only catch... it was in SUPPOSITORY form. Yes, waxy blobs you shove up your arse. Well, after dealing with the father, we decided to blow off some steam, and get drunk ourselves (not being alcoholics in any way... right...). In our brilliance we decided to try the dilaudid and go play pool. So, we each took our turn in the bathroom and... applied the drug. Eeewwww. I should note at this point for the reader that we did not 'help' each other with this process, as neither of us our gay, despite the deeply gay overtones of sharing time with your bud with waxy blobs up your ass. We were just "Freak Bros" trying just about anything we could get our hands on in those days. Anyway, we headed out to a bar. Once there, the dilaudid kicked in and I was on cloud 9. Good shit... I felt high as hell, talkative, and very friendly. It was great! We shot some pool with some strangers (the worst pool I've ever shot in my life). One thing we couldn't quite figure out was, was it the drugs making us think that people were looking at us funny? Was it paranoia, or did we really seem odd in some way? I felt like I was keeping my cool, not blowing it, etc. but the nagging thought persisted. The horrible punchline to this story comes when we left the bar and back to our apartment. Once home, I realized that my rear felt quite waxy and wet... I looked in the mirror and to my great horror, the melted dilaudid had leaked out of my arse and left a perfectly round, perfectly visible wet blobby stain right in the bullseye of the back of my shorts. Oh my god... NOOOOOOOOO! A quick question to my roommate proved to his horror he was in the same state. Oh god.. one can only conclude that at the bar, as we lined up our shots, these very incriminating wet stains on or backsides were quite visible to all... and that we must have looked like we were gayer-than-gay-gay. So gay we would throw Richard Simmons from our Gay Bus. So Ghey we would walk around with our asses leaking from our fresh encounter. Like the previous poster, this was a horrible revelation that I will never forget. The moral of this story is... go easy on the suppositories lads. And should you EVER decide to use one (though I doubt anyone would after this sorry tale), do NOT go shooting pool in public afterwards. Thank you and good night.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Mr. Funktastic...

    by rev_skarekroe

    You should go to high schools and tell that story to keep kids off drugs. It's classic. sk

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 6:29 p.m. CST

    Crap Stories

    by Phildogger

    I don't know if this qualifies, but here goes. When I was younger (around 19), I dated this hottie who had just broken up with her much older Boyfriend. Things were fine, until she called one Saturday night to break our date. no Problem, her Granmother was sick, about 40 miles away. However, there was a problem, as I felt the need to play a detective in my own little drama, and called on a friend of mine to drive me past her Ex's house. Sure enuff, paydirt, her little white junkbox, sitting in his driveway!!!! Long story short, 2 hours and 12 beers later, Inspirado hits me, and we take a ride back to the scene of the crime. I climb onto the hood of the White car, and drop trou in 20 degree weather, and drop the FINEST Cleveland Steamer ever known to man all over her hood and Winshield. The next morning, i got a call from her, saying she never wanted to see me again, blah blah, blah, and that I was insane for doing what I did. I calmly asked her what made her assume it was I that left the gift on her car, and she informed me that placed under her winshield wiper, I had drunkenly placed a shit-smeared note, asking "How's Grandma?" Oh least the sex was good...

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 6:41 p.m. CST

    it happened to me too

    by Vonfolger

    A few times in my life i've been unfortunate enough to soil myself like an incontenent infant. A long time ago I was sick as a dog, some vile gut bug had infested my body and I was ready to keel over at any moment. With Cold sweats and shaky legs I managed to hobble into my bathroom and take off my damp clothes. I decided a warm shower with some Irish Spring was the key to happiness. I started the shower up and stepped in with my hands gripped tightly around my belly. Somthing wasen't right, no matter how I postioned myself the discomfort continued. It was then I felt the need to release what I thought would be the largest FART I could possibly produce. Only..... When the flood gates were opened it wasen't harmless body-gas that excited my ass, but literally one gallon of noxious black and brown ASS FOAM. I mean this stuff was thick like maple syrup and stunk like the worst death you could imagine. It was COVERING the back wall of the shower like it had been fired by a derranged super soaker, and due to some chunks failed to slide down the drain. The next ten minutes were the most harrowing. Covered in my own feces and gagging on what can only be called, "Stench personified" I smashed up bits of feces with my toes and forced it down the drain. At some point I began to cry. I tell this story around campfires now and then, only when I think the group is able to handle it. Very funny stuff IAmJack'sUserID

  • That this wowed a gaggle of Japanese businessmen has me excited, although unless Harry Osborne freaks out and goes schizo (which is a distinct possibility), I can't buy him grinning like an idiot right before he stabs somebody to death. All the other stuff sounds cool though, especially the Spidey-Cam scenes. Watching Spider-Man swing up and down the skyline of New York at the close of the first movie was probably one of the niftier experiences I had in the theaters. Although masturbating to 'The Ring' was a close second...

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 7:06 p.m. CST


    by IAmJacksUserID

    You almost gave me another crap pants story there with your woeful tale. All you guys...VERY funny stuff... let's keep it going!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 7:17 p.m. CST

    Kingpin idea...

    by Johnny Storm

    I actually thought Duncan made a great Kingpin. Why can't they just shift him over to Spidey and then bring him back to DD if needed? I like Daredevil quite a bit and want to see a DD2--with a different DD.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8 p.m. CST

    jacksuserid - craptacular story!!!

    by neckbone

    one of the funniest things on record. my tale is more of a 'closest to crapping the pants without technically crapping the pants' story. last winter, i'm standing in the kitchen (on the linoleum not the carpet thank goodness) and i begin to feel that familar, comical sensation of a fart building in my nether region. having not experienced any recent nausea, 'rhea or cramping below the belt, i did what ever other red-blooded male would do - a little push to let 'er rip! to my dismay, it became quickly apparent that in addition to gas, a second state of matter was present (and i don't mean solid). now for the crazy part, it was no more than 1/8 of a teaspoon (for all you culinary nuts - that would be a 'dash', but i digress...) and it managed to hit the ground on a fly. now if i was standing in the buff, this wouldn't even raise an eyebrow, but i was wearing BOXERS AND JEANS. i ask you, what are odds on that drop of liquid shiznit missing my pants AND leg entirely? i'll tell - damn slim. and it wasn't like i was wearing eddie van halen parachute pants circa 1985. i believe the judges would've considered them 'loose fit', but jeans nonetheless. it wasn't an entirely clean sweep - it did nick my sock. so i guess i actually crapped my sock?!? to top it off, my wife was standing there to witness the entire saga, she didn't even laugh at me. take it from me fellas, if you've got a woman who sees you crap on the kitchen floor, and doesn't bat an eye - SHE'S A KEEPER. i've finally gotten over my 'stage fright', although it did take a while for the confidence to build back to the point where i could bear down to fart without a splashing noise in the back of my mind. and for the record, there is no funnier face than that moment of realization that one has succeeded in doing more than farting. i watched a roommate break off more than he could chew and just about died laughing as he sprinted to the bathroom holding his ass in. what the hell just happened?

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 8 p.m. CST

    Doc Cocks?

    by UberSpectre

    Wtf is wrong with that guy, yes Martix 3 will kick ass but Spidey 2 will kick that movies ass come July so whatever and Doc Ock kicks all ass!!!!

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 9:06 p.m. CST

    Does Doc Ock rape Mary Jane with all his tentacles?

    by Brody Armstrong

    We all Sam Raimi is a huge hentai fan. Having tons of tentacles raping Mary Jane Watson would be a terrific wink to all the hentai fans out there.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 10:48 p.m. CST

    funniest talk back ever.

    by Vonfolger

    I have to say this has been, by far the most amazing talk back ever. "crapped my sock" will be in my vocabulary for weeks to come.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 10:54 p.m. CST

    sorry for the grade "F" report, you guys...

    by psion

    I been a long time reader at AICN and I also hate people making grammer mistakes and sometimes just talks about pure nonsense. But you know what I come to realize? people who bring these news are not professional writers (unless they are, you can fuck with them), these people, including me are normal people, who sometimes just get lucky to see something cool and feel like sharing it with everyone. So, why do these people (including me) sometimes makes no sense, types with bad grammer and spelling? BECAUSE we report the news immediately when we get it. I wrote that thing, right after the presentation, outside the presentaiton room, with my laptop connected to a public phone. I want to get this news out soon as possible. Make all the fans happy, because I am a fan. I have no time to revise it, the trailer image is slowly fading away from my memory as I type. So, sorry for a grade "F" report. I aint getting paid for this, and it isnt an article. Is just like a email to my personal friends. If you want a quality article, like you expect from a newspaper or times magazine, you would of have to wait a few days for it. Because we are normal working people, dont have the free time to do these things. And that is not what AICN is about. AICN is all about getting these cool HOLLYWOOD news as soon as they get out. I dont want to report new Spidey news like "Hey guys, I saw the trailer like two weeks ago..." I get the news ASAP to you guys and I expect the same from everyone else who is reporting. That is all I want to say. I never got below an "A" in Eng"RI"sh. Just cut some of these so-called reporters some slack. You have to think, because of them, we get these cool entertainment news to read about everyday. And this AINT NO ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY alright? Hope we all get to see the trailer soon. I didnt like Spidey 1 as well, but seriously Spidey 2, looks really promising. Also about the over-CG thing. Spidey and bulidings are CG. Doc Ock is Molina with Mechanical Arms on green screen. Sam Raimi wasnt bullshitting when he said, he want to use mostly "real" tenticles.

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 11:06 p.m. CST

    by psion

    getting off the trains now......going to work! Just got a call, we did get a press preview for the spidey ride!!! YEAHHHHHHHHHHH baby

  • Oct. 16, 2003, 11:30 p.m. CST

    I am Yoda

    by psion

    Haha, finally I read thru my own email, I realize I am Yoda. My buddies at work are reading it now in the office and laughing their ass off (I am laughing my ass off at myself too). hehe, I will never write again!! "Yoda am I, again English never I write!" PEACE OUT

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 1:19 a.m. CST


    by Mr Nuff

    stop with this venom crap already. all you guys want is venom and carnage, venom and cranage. with vin diesel, howie long, and some other talentless hack. get over it! venom might be cool, but fuck carnage. hes a freaking venom rip off, and why do we want another two villain crap super hero movie. havent we learned yet? the batman movies, daredevil, etc., do i need to list them? come on. i say Raimi should take a break from spidey after this next one and give the world what it has been waiting for... Evil Dead 4, baby!

  • Lazy ass!

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 4:04 a.m. CST

    Spider-Man 2?

    by Blacklist

    Is that the sequel to the one where Toby McGuire turns into a CG character? Isn't it directed by a guy who's deluded himself into thinking he doesn't immediately need to make Evil Dead 4 as soon as possible and drop this rubbish project?

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 6:10 a.m. CST

    Yeahh!!! Evil Dead 4 MothaFucka!!! Bring That Shit!

    by SouthSide_2010

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 8:14 a.m. CST

    Psion - Tell me something...

    by Peter Kaas

    The word 'grammer', is that as in Kelsey, or an american spelling of the word 'grammar'? Just wondering. - up a tree with mad pigs, PK

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Doc Ock VS High School Physics

    by fanboy71

    Okay, what I have never understood about Doc Ock (normal, middle aged, fat guy with tentacles strapped to his back) is this: No matter how strong the motor that powers his tentacles is, he is still just a middle aged fat guy. SO, when he picks up a heavy objects (say, a car, for instance) with all the tentacles, aren't his flabby middle aged legs holding up the weight of that car? 'nuff said.

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 10:52 a.m. CST

    hot shit spray

    by bloodyrectum

    taking a shit in boy's room was an open invitation for the entire student body to heap ridicule on you. none of the stalls had doors, so as soon as you sat down, someone would see you; they would call out to their friends, and soon the entire student body (boys and girls) would queue up to parade past you, laughing scornfully. under no circumstances would i take this abuse, so one day when i felt the need to shit out the 'pizza' and 'tater tots' that had been delivered to me on a foam tray at lunchtime, i steeled myself for the 4 hour wait until the yellow bus delivered me to my home, where i could crap in comfort and solitude. however, between lunch and my deliverance fell gym class. i went to the locker room to change into my sweatsuit with the rest of the boys, then went to class. today was 'basketball day', which means that the teacher did not have a plan for the day. after about 15 minutes of running around the court, being overlooked by the good players and not having the ball passed to me, my bowels and the wall of my rectum were trembling something fierce. i exited the court and tried to maintain control of my innards; the pain in my sphincter as it tried to stay closed being less than that of the embarrassment if i were to be caught shitting at a toilet. as we were not allowed 'do nothing' during gym, i was told that if i was not to play ball, i would have to run/walk laps around the gym for the rest of the period. i didn't make one lap before i felt it: the tip of shit poking from my anus into the back of my nuthuggers. figuring that the locker room toilets were the least likely to be occupied, as no one with a hall pass would travel that far to piss or smoke, and figuring that being seen shitting on a toilet would be less humiliating than being seen shitting in my pants, i ceased my resistance and headed for the restroom. obviously, as this is a "PANTS CRAP" story, the reader will know that i did not make it. as i entered the restroom, my ass jumped the gun and began depositing my load in the back of my sweatpants. i quickly pulled them down in the middle of the room, and the shit tumbled on to the floor. it was not in the form of logs, but it was not quite liquid either. it hit the floor and did not splatter; it stayed in a heap, like a dollop of chocolate mousse. i pulled off my pants and tried to wipe the shit from my ass and thighs; i threw my underwear into the trash can. there was still feces smeared on the inside of my sweatpants, so i knew that when i went back to class, everyone would be able to smell that something was wrong. furthermore, they may be able to connect me with the pile of shit in the bathroom floor. so, in a stroke of brilliance, i devised a cover; i put my sweatpants back on, and stepped into the pile of my shit. if anyone asked me what was the smell, i could point to the bottom of my shoe. i returned to the gym and stood under the bleachers. sure enough a girl who was walking laps stopped to talk to me; i could see that she was confused/revolted my stench. she didn't say anything, so i just offered an explantaion by showing her my feet and stating that 'a dog or something must havd shit in the locker room'. she continued her laps, surely unconvinced. after class, while everyone else was changing, i stood out by the dumpsters, as i would have much to explain if the other guys saw me take off my sweatpants and find nothing underneath (not to mention the shit smeared on my legs). when the locker room cleared out, i snuck in and got my books before the next class; then i hid in the woods behind the school until the end of the day. of course, i could not take the bus home, so once the final bell rang i emerged from the trees and walked the ten (10) miles to my house. unfortunately, i was never able to see or hear the response of the class to the huge pile of shit with my footprint located in the middle of the locker room.

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 11:01 a.m. CST

    "Daredevil had the b a double l's to actually off the female lea

    by minderbinder

    Are you kidding? If they do a sequel (and I assume they will, Garner is signed on for both a sequel and her own spinoff movie), we all know that they either will explain how her death was faked or how she somehow came back to life. Deaths of "superhero" characters mean nothing, carry no weight. Too many years of fake deaths and reincarnations have ruined that for people. And I have no problem with CGI for stunts THAT NO PERSON COULD POSSIBLY DO. It just looks like shit when you use it for things a stuntman could do easily, like Spidey doing some basic kung fu on the ground with a flip or two thrown in. I also think it's WAY obvious when you animate by hand as opposed to motion capture, I think it was a big mistake for the Spidey guys to not take advantage of mocap.

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 12:43 p.m. CST

    Hey Harry, how about a $200 million dollar EVIL DEAD movie???

    by workshed

    Still wouldn't be as great as the $200K original - you know it's true. This is also the reason why making you a producer is a BAD idea. You know '28 Days Later' was made for a couple of million and it's generally regareded as the best zombie flick in 25 years. O.k.?

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Attack of the Cramps

    by Conspir8or

    All right, kids, I'm giving you a story I haven't even posted to alt.tasteless. Flash back to December 2002. For lunch that day, I ate a salad from a make-your-own jernt next to the office building where I work. Three types of greenery, croutons, shredded cheese, balsamic vinegar. Fine. Three hours, later, the Battle of Midway was being fought in my midsection. Rolling gas bubbles, acid belches, whispers of a nameless fear escaping my nether port. I had had food poisoning thrice before this, so I knew I needed to get home ASAP before I began vomiting and lost all muscular control for 10 hours. I double-timed it to the NYC Port Authority Bus Terminal, but then the urge to gag overcame me. I lurched into the bathroom and found a stall whose toilet was less than 50% caked with bumshit. (Folks, Mayor Giuliani had his faults, but he kept NYC far cleaner than his blandroid successor.) I hurled a couple of small, pulplike clumps into the bowl. No trace of the salad. I tamped the rest down my foodpipe, figuring I had cooled the reactor, so to speak, for at least the hour it would take to get back to my pad in NJ. I found a bus and made it out of the city, but it was teeming rain and very windy, both factors that would make the ride rougher and longer, due to slower traffic. Over the three highways I traversed in that bus, I desperately tried to keep my lunch down, a task made more difficult by every bump along the scarred ruins and rusting construction plates of the NJ Turnpike and Route 80. Added to the threat of explosive vomiting was a growing looseness in my bowels. Typically my bouts with food poisoning had featured diarrhea as well as puking. Now, in addition to keeping myself religiously upright, and clenching my esophagus as closed as I could, I also needed to squeeze my ass shut. I barely dared to breathe. It was the longest hour of my life as a commuter ... my gastrointestinal Omaha Beach, each inch of road stuttering with bumps that threatened twin geysers of effluvium from my sweating, delirious body. Finally, we neared the final stop -- of course, mine was the last -- and a woman asked the driver a question about the strip mall up the road a half mile, not part of the route. The driver, a surly immigrant, cut her off by saying he knew nothing about the parts of town not on his bus circuit. The woman took offense and berated him for not knowing the area. So there we sat, about a car length from the bus stop where I could finally escape, with this fucking slit and the goddamn illegal at the wheel yelling at each other, while a brown demon was taking wing in my guts. Finally she got off, and I followed with as much dexterity as a man holding two sphincters shut can muster. I hit the sidewalk, crossed the street, and there, in front of a pizza parlor, let loose. Braaaaawwwww!!! I fired a lettuce-strewn barrage of vomit all over the sidewalk, simultaneously and uncontrollably filling my pants with a warm blast of liquishit. Bwiiiiish. As the horrified patrons in the pizza parlor watched, I attempted to lurch forward to get to a garbage can, succeeding only in spattering the sidewalk, my pants, and my sneakers with leafy, ochre, vinegar-reeking puke. At each retch, I felt more diarrhea jet into my groaning Y-fronts. Braaaaawghh -- bwiiiiiish!! At a brief pause in the attack, I crabwalked to the other corner, leaving the hurl to melt in the driving rain, and trying to minimize the spread of the unquiet bundle oozing through my pants. Twice I vomited into the crosswalk, where in some miracle some driver didn't get distracted by the peristaltic spectacle and clip me into the next world with his Navigator. For most of the walk back to my pad, I would get three steps, then snap involuntarily into a squat and arc another cannonade of lunch, and by this point breakfast, over the sidewalk ... with dread accompaniment from my weeping corn chute. Braaaaawghh -- bwiiiiiish!! Ironically, I soiled the walk in front of a restaurant that had given me my worst case of food poisoning ever two years earlier. Revenge is a dish best served violently and with a side of stomach acid, I guess. When I finally made it to my apartment, I cast away the Jackson Pollack canvases that began the day as sneakers, shucked my pants and dropped them straight into the garbage, peeled off the scat-nightmare that had been my underwear, and showered my stinking, chunk-strewn hulk for a good half hour. This bought me about three hours of fitful, fever-dream-ridden sleep before a second round of vomiting and the shits, but at least this time, I had the cold, stern comfort of toilet, instead of the impromptu arena in front of the pizza joint. Braaaaawghh -- bwiiiiiish!!! Thanks for listening.

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 5:29 p.m. CST

    Battle of Midway...HAHAHA!!!!

    by IAmJacksUserID

    That's terrible! Man, your story is the most tragic of all! Very well written though! Hopefully you can look back now and laugh at it like I do. Notice a lot of these stories involving the old 'rhea end up with us suffering a terrible defeat.

  • Oct. 17, 2003, 10:25 p.m. CST

    I just hope they don't go the "Ultimate SPIDER-MAN" route and ma

    by screenplaywriter

    I hope they do the classic made way of having Venom attack the crew of the John Jonah Jameson shuttle, kill them off, and send the shuttle hurtling out of control and finally colliding in New York Harbor, than Spidey goes and checks it out, only to have some weird black goo latch onto his suit and suddenly make him stronger and go the Eddie Brock-cartoon route and why do people say not bring in Carnage? Come on you could have Spidey and Venom fight on a clock tower, or bell tower, the bell tolls, Venom becomes enrage because if he hears noise than he goes insane. Venom releases itself from Eddie and Spider-Man takes Eddie Brock into the police. Eddie gets thrown in jail, Venom finds him makes him whole again, but Eddie promises some punk Cletus Kassidy, a murderous serial killer who also got turned in by Spider-Man that if they team up they'll rid the world of him, but first they must announce his true identity to the world. They do and everyone finds out Spider-Man is PETER PARKER! A manhunt ensues. Jonah sends cops after him and people to bag him in and bring him in for a wealthy cash settlement. So then Peter is on the run from Venom, Carnage, and an angry mob, but in the end it all comes down to will Spidey save the day. PLEASE USE THIS SCRIPT IDEA!

  • That would be a dream come true. How the heck does wimp ass lisping knock kneed Macquire get $17 million when all the work were done by stuntmen, circus soliel performers, Chinese martial artists, U.S. computer graphic artists. Not even Raimi or Stan Lee gets that much. It's a fantastic opportunity to play the role of Spiderman and Macguire should get about$150,000. As good as Raimi is, I'd love to see a Cameron version of Spidy. Nobody beats the man when it comes to action and sci-fi. And Evil Dead 4, fans are dying... It shouldn't cost that much, no need for huge ED3 medieval set pieces. Get down to ED1 and ED2 style action and horror at S-Mart! So timely because Walmart is overtaking America.

  • Oct. 18, 2003, 4:58 a.m. CST

    I don't get it, if there was no cgi work, only a few wire frames

    by TheGinger Twit

  • Oct. 18, 2003, 11:17 a.m. CST

    Thankyou, thankyouverymuch

    by Conspir8or

    Many yhanks indeed, IAmUserJack'sID and thecutestofborg, and in turn to those who also posted. Those were some tragically hilarious adventures. And always glad to entertain and broaden a body's scat-vocab. The humor value of the incident emerged once I could actually process food in the usual manner. If you can't get a good BLAZING SADDLES-style chuckle now and again, there's no damn point in waking up. Too bad this story is drifting to the bottom of the queue ... maybe we should elect 10/17 Annual Code Brown Day on AICN ... each year on that date, an unsuspecting thread is chosen and literally crapflooded. Who is with me??!

  • Oct. 19, 2003, 12:06 p.m. CST

    A pants-crappingly good time!

    by Devil'sOwn

    To all the poor little carnies ("spydermandamoovee SUX! the goblinsuitthingy was STOOPID!! the speshulfx... uuuhh... weren't that SPESHUL!!! put VENUM in da seekwil!") out there: Have yer mama give ya some Ritalin and see if ya can follow along. Venom is a wickedawesome part of the Spidey legend. But, in order to establish credibility, the directorman has to give a passing nod to continuity, the sequence of events concerning the main character. Otherwise, fans in the know (not just the casual moviegoer) will be very displeased, and say things like "Whatthefuck?!", and "Sellout!" So give Doc Ock a chance, he's a real heavy hitter. And hang in there, ya can't just demand a character be in the next movie cuz ya think he's "kewl."

  • Oct. 22, 2003, 5:18 p.m. CST

    Interesting info...

    by A20

    yes, coming from a guy that dirties his pants alot; how old is he? 2? But next time keep out Japanese references that you don't know.

  • Oct. 29, 2003, 5:29 a.m. CST

    I hope they're's more pointless,

    by Conan_the_Humble

    Kirsten DUNST in the rain shots in Spidey 2, that'd rock. Ah Gratuitous nudity/sexual references, I can't get enough of it... Cheers.

  • Nov. 8, 2003, 1:25 a.m. CST

    by Jaxsor

    I doubt very much that you will see any rape scenes of any kind in one of Sam's movies since and for all of you true Evil Dead fan's that know this, he cut out a huge rape scene in Evil Dead Two when the woman was raped by the trees. He felt it was to graphic and violent. and no one will ever see it for from my understanding it was destroyed