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Sounds like Sir Whoopee won't be remembering this ALAMO...
Hey folks, Harry here... It's sad... this review is exactly what I thought of the script. A film that wants to be a mini-series, but instead became a movie.... and as a result flounders about on screen. Instead of focusing on the men in the walls of the Alamo and the battles within them and the battle they faced, they are attempted to make a film that didn't offend anyone and that played all sides... Exactly like PEARL HARBOR, but apparently - to results that are perhaps a bit harsher. This review isn't pretty, and let's hope that with editing and score, the film finds a soul and a pace... But this review is really brutal...
Hey guys,
I'm a long-time reader, first-time poster. I love the site and your book! Anyways, I just got back from a test screening for Touchstone's 'The Alamo' in Orange, California. The guy who introduced the film said that we were the first audience in the world to see the film. He also said that it wasn't a finished (score not in place, color matching incomplete) print. I'll try to keep this as spoiler-free as possible. Here begins my review.
I really wanted to like this film. I really did. When I found out that Ron Howard wanted to make an Alamo film with Russell Crowe, I was admittedly excited. When that fell through, I kind of forgot about the project. Then the trailer came out and... I was underwhlemed. It really was not very impressive. Many of the shots seemed either lazy or overly artfull. Oh well, I kept my mind open, and I was disappointed.
The film opens with a series of long, sweeping shots featuring dead bodies (some quite gory for a PG-13 film). It then cuts to an hour's (give or take) worth of pointless fluff. Literally, it serves no purpose to the film. This section of the film should be cut down by a half hour or more. It's just pointless story arcs and melodramatic cut-aways (which aptly describes most of the film). Two of my friends literally fell asleep during this section of the film. It was really sad. It's not until the first cannon fires that the film gets interesting (once again, about an hour into the film).
Now, the battle sequences are generally well done with some plain poor choices. Good fight choreography and some amazing sound design help this scene work. These cannons fire with more auditory force than you would ever imagine. It literally floors you into your seat. This is true of many of the sound effects in the film. The muskets, horses, and cannons are all properly loud and wonderfully edited. The sound is visceral and cutting, some of the best work I've heard all year. I can't really comment on the score, as it was not yet in place (they used some 'Road to Perdition' in there, which completely didn't fit). The fights are broken up by some overly "arty" shots. The cinematography throughout the movie is boring, to say the least. It seems like the cinematographer noticed this and threw in some shots that look nice but completely out of place (the sillouettes? come on!). The film also c! uts away to completely unrelated shots, such as a random woman clutching her child and crying. These cutaways didn't aid the sequence in any way and were really just annoying. Finally, there's this parrelel story about a reluctant, young Mexican soldier that's just distracting and overly dramatic. There's even a scene where this soldier meets a young American soldier and I just wanted to puke. It steals from 'All Quiet On the Western Front' so much that it was laughable.
How about the performances? Jason Patric (as James Bowie) and Patrick Wilson (as Colonel Travis) are servicable. They do their roles but really don't bring any punch or effort at all. Dennis Quaid (as Sam Houston) is really just pathetic. It sucks, because he's a fantastic actor. He just phones in his character here, and it's a boring phone call. I never felt that any army would follow this man. I really just wanted him to get off the screen. An actor who impressed me was Jordi Molla, a relative unknown. I think he displays an impressive screen presence and I was always glad to see him on screen. However, the film's saving grace in Billy Bob Thornton as Davy Crockett. He is the only actor in the film who brings any substance to his role. He portrays an aging Crockett who is shadowed by his own legend. He's truly kind of a simple, cowardly man who is forced to live up to people's perception of him. He accepts his heroic position, but acknowledges that it is not really him. He understands that men need him to be DAVY CROCKETT, not just plain, old David Crockett. Thornton displays this with charm and subtlety. He is also the film's sole comedic relief, which is appreciated. He is sorely missed when he is not on screen. I will finally say that I loved the final battle sequence. It was quick and gruesome. I was impressed by this sequence, one of the only ones that did impress me in the entire thing.
I have more to say about this but can't, for the sake of spoilers. Some of them involve the deaths of certain characters, so I must digress. I was extremely disappointed with this film. Without the wonderful sound design or the fabulous Billy Bob Thornton, this film would be a complete throwaway. It's a badly directed, shot, and edited mess. My only hope is that this is an extremely rough cut, and a better, shorter version will magically appear, but, somehow I doubt it. It feels like a 2 hour movie crammed into three. It's sad, really, because I saw a better film trying to break out, but couldn't. Oh well. Disappointing. Very disappointing.
If this gets posted, I am one fifth of the Magnificent Five and you can call me Sir Whoopee.
Sincerely,
Sir Whoopee
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whats this about
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This movie lost my money when I heard they never shot any scenes in the basement....And thus, I have spoken! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!
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was absolutely horrendous. Cheesy, boring and lame. It did not, in any way, make want to see the film. And it doesn't sound like the film is any better. I'll not be seeing this.
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When we learned about it in history class in grade school.
How could any reviewer "spoil" this one if we all know the outcome anyway? -
would be like spoiling the end of "Titanic" by saying, "the ship sunk" Some major characters die in this movie? Well I'll be damned.
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is a Best Picture contender. It has just reeked of "Pearl Harbor" since the director of "The Rookie" took over. And the weak trailer certainly did nothing to change my mind.
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It was the cripple.
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He was a ghost,
She is a guy,
He really is a KGB mole,
Vader is his papa,
It was Earth all along,
They all were the killer,
Shredder is Oroko Saki -
Titanic sinks? Are you sure? I'm going to have to watch that film again, because I'm pretty sure it was a bullshit re-hashed class-struggle story about two people in love who were completely superfluous to the plot. I might be wrong. ***
What puts me off Alamo is the comparisons to Pearl Harbour, which I found to be an overlong piece of embarresing shit which threw in a huge battle scene to divert people away from a re-hashed love story. Still, I'm English and I don't know enough about the Alamo to generate a positive opinion. I know a lot about Pearl Harbour, though, which is why I hated the film, so maybe my ignorance will help me like it. I hope they put a love story in Alamo. I really, really do. Perhaps between a meek Texan girl and a misunderstood Mexican soldier who both hate the violence their sides are inflicting on each other, but whose deep love tears the two sides apart. That'd be great. -
Hey kids, it's fun to pile on! How about... it was a sled, the monkey falls off the big building, he dies on the cross, and, from tv, "It's a cookbook!". Oh, and we all know that "they were all the killer" is the spoiler for ending 3 of Clue...
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But these days, when I think of the shock ending to Planet of the Apes, I think of Troy McClure from the Simpsons doing his musical. 'How could I be so wrong - it was Earth all along - they really made a monkey out of meeeeee....' *** When is the Alamo due out Stateside? Is it going to be an Xmas movie? I'll probably go see it, but I don't have many hopes - if they try to tug your heart with scenes of horribly traumatised people and crying men just to try to get you emotionally involved with the film (somethign I find trite and patronising) then I don't hold out much hope. I like historical films, but after Braveheart they just seem to be a long line of truth-adjusted tripe. Oh, and by the way - he was always dead.
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In this version, The Mexicans are single-handedly repelled by Davy Crockett's Kaiser blade (some folks cal it a sling blade). ............. BTW, something in earth's water is deadly to the aliens, Winona is a robot, and Laurie was adopted by the Strodes.
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I'm not surprised to hear that this film attemptls to soften what was historically a brutal attack by the Mexicans. We seem to live in a nation that is being manipulated by foreign propaganda via California despite the fact that we are being overrun by illegal immigrants and threatened by terrorists.
Gee, let's all hold hands and go see this new Alamo film and maybe all our troubles will go away. -
Alamo... what is an Alamo...
Never heard of it? Tell me of this Alamo! Oh yeah they should of had that Pimple Poppin Pacy play Daniel Boone. Who cares. -
You mean, "overrun by people willing to do the crummy jobs caucasian folks don't normally want to do?"
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What? A three-hour movie featuring epic battle scenes, bigger than life characters, a struggle between good and evil, and a love story? No way this makes any money...
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Damn. I hope to read some others' opinions of this film, especially after its finished, because this reviewer really makes me hesitant about a film I really wanted to see. My boss thinks this is based on The Gates of the Alamo by Stephen Harrigan, which he loved, so if it's true, that is encouraging, but still, the adaptation could have been botched. But maybe the backdrop of history presented along with the battle just plain bored this reviewer. Many people get bored by history lessons, more's the pity. And HOW do we know WHAT this reviewer finds boring? As long as they DO IT RIGHT AND TELL THE TRUTH, that's all that's important to me. I wouldn't even care about presenting the Mexican viewpoint, as long as it doesn't become sucking up to them.
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...But you will remember Revolutions on November 5th!
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If Ozzy will buy a copy of "The Alamo" on DVD and take a piss on it.
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Oct 10, 2003 10:39:41 AM CDT
well Saxster, I think it is only fair that the movie addresses a
by lost skeleton
...the revisionist history I was forced to read as a child failed to mention that the "brave souls" who defended Texas were fighting to preserve the enslavement of my people (African-Americans) so I do not think that a little introspection is out of order.
Like they say...history is written my the victors right?
Oh, and I thought they all were the killer is from Identity.
well, let me pile on...the kid is the killer personality, Sam Jackson is a villan, Jason wins...sort of, Patrick Swayze's best friend is the killer, Neo is the One, Japan lost WWII, JFK actually gets shot in the movie JFK, Denzel dies in Malcolm X, Mario Van Peoples dies in Ali ironically similar to Denzel's death in Malcolm X so go figure! -
I saw it on Discovery, so it must be so, or no. According to one of Santa Anna's disgruntled underlings, Davy Crockett and six other men left standing at the end of the final battle did NOT go down in a blaze of guns. They were assasinated one by one. Now how about that? As for additional spoilers - the Birt is the true baddie, Jabba the Hut is nothing more than a big, rubber puppet, and Marlene Deitrich was a real two-timing bitch (poor Tyrone Power)!
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Get this, Norman... IS his mother!
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You say that JFK gets shot? Not any more! In the revisionist version (to be produced by Bruckheimer), JFK was actually bought up in a circus and he catches the bullet in his teeth. Unfortunately, Jackie's head gets blown off, and he spends the movie looking for the killers to exact his capitalist revenge! I know it's not exactly what happened, but hey - it's just entertainment, right? Oh, and Keanu reeves - he's pretty talentless. I'm not exposing a spoiler, just stating a fact.
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Yeah the joke was running thin from the beginning and then you decide to stop being funny and ruin films that've only been out for a few months. Thanks for that prick.
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Oct 10, 2003 11:17:06 AM CDT
Harry, I thought you were a flaming liberal whose goal in life i
by aceattorney
So why are you pissed that this movie is politically correct?
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after being recalled, Gray Davis builds a time machine and goes back to the Alamo to change history and prevent his recall by giving all the California driver's licenses to all the Mexicans, even though neither California nor cars exist yet. Governor Ahnuld discovers Gray's plot and follows him back in time, where he stands with the forces at the Alamo and defeats the Mexican forces, shouting "Hasta La Vista Baby!" every time he kills one. but Gray Davis infiltrates the Alamo and reprograms Arnie's cybernetic brain, causing him to turn on the Texans. Arnie then shuts himself down to prevent himself from destroying the remaining defenders of the Alamo. All seems lost for the Texans, until the surprising arrival of the cavalry, led by Colonel Angus (played in a cameo role by Christopher Walken), reverses the tide of defeat and destroys the Mexicans in one fell swoop, in a stunning CGI battle scene that puts Helm's Deep to shame.
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His buddy puts every little splinter of the door back together. When he shows up at the end of the movie, he
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OK, this Talkback is definitely going in my scrapbook! Good thing that annoying political discussion got shot down quickly... Props to anyone geeky enough to remember the movie I'm referring to above (it's my favorite twist ending).
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Oct 10, 2003 12:07:59 PM CDT
I thought Davy Crockett drinks too much sleep potion and wakes u
by iamjacksuserid
OH NO!!! I DRANK TOO MUCH!!
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Kirsten shot J.R. and Leland/Bob killed Laura Palmer.
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Max is the head Vampire, not David, Leia is Luke's sister, Deckard is a replicant, Deckard isn't a replicant, Charlie Sheen is Sherilynn Fenn's boyfriend that the punks killed, Nancy's mom helped burn Freddy alive.
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Emma Thompson is reincarnated as Kenneth Branagh, and Kenneth Branagh is reincarnated as Emma Thompson.
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The guy with the belly wound is a cop. The capsule gets back safely to earth with all 3 astronauts. Duvall slingshots around the Earth and splits the comet in half. All the people in the house are ghosts. Boy gets girl back again.
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no spoilers, that's funny, even more than Harry's little protest of the No Screener DVDs
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Some jerk revealed several days ago that Lord Sidious and Chancellor Palpatine is the same person! Fuck, there's no point to see EIII anymore! :-)
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It looked like it was trying to be every Oscar winner from the past....With too many epics and other big films coming out, This one looks like SNOOZER...
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and with Howard and Crowe, this movie had such potential.
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I think saying no one cares anout those films is a little off-base, no one has ever really done what I'd call a definitive Dracula, same goes for Robin Hood and The Three Musketeers, as far as Dracula goes they've come close, but they've never quite hit the mark. And as far as the Alamo goes, as a Texan, I care VERY MUCH about that film and about that story, and I'm not alone in this, and for you to talk about an important piece of Texas history likes it's meaningless Hollywood fluff is way out of line.
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Yep, that was from The Wraith. The standard by which i judge all modern cinema. And if you look hrd enough, you can find it on DVD at BestBuy for $5.99 ........... Tom Cruise shows up and sucks Christian Slater (his blood I mean), Jim Phelps is a bad guy, The entire Firm is crooked, He's in cryogenic sleep and dreaming a fucked-up movie, Kubrick goes insane and I don't know what the hell the point was.
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Grando loses the keys to the Falcon and has to call the auto club
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Oct 10, 2003 1:40:36 PM CDT
They should do an epilogue with Ozzy Osbourne playing himself
by lord shatner
That would be worth watching
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Verbal Kent IS Keyser Soze!!!
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And I walked out after about 10 minutes. As the reviewer here says, the opening scene is a series of cheesey shots of dead bodies strewn around the Alamo. This goes on for what feels like forever and has no impact. Then we are introduced to Billy Bob's Davy Crockett (with the worst wig I've ever seen) in an outrageously bad and awkward scene. Then, Dennis Quaid shows up and looks like he's auditioning for Wolverine. His accent in this movie must be heard to be believed. I knew right away I could not take three hours of this crap so I left and saw The Rundown, which was not a masterpiece but was still incredibly entertaining.
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I just saved some money on auto insurance by calling GEICO
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All the murders were April Fool's jokes, Jason's mother is the killer, The Mars landing was faked but James Brolin won't die (but O.J. does), Rose is Ritchie (and Jane March was hot), Keanu does the right thing but Pacino is the reporter, Alan Rickman is an Exceptional thief, Edward goes back to the castle and makes ice sculptures, blood transfusions cure vampirism, Harry defeats Voldemort, Harry defeats Voldemort, Harry defeats Voldemort, Harry defeats Voldemort, Harry defeats Voldemort, Connor MaCleod is the last one, the tanker was full of sand and the fuel was on the bus, Edward Norton knew exactly what he was doing when he killed the priest, Rocky loses, Rocky wins, Rocky loses and wins, Apollo dies and Rocky wins, Rocky beats up a punk, Snake destroys the cassette (why wasn't it on CD?), Charlie gets the chocolate factory, Judge doom framed Roger, Kathleen Turner plays William Hurt like a violin, the camera guy faces the corner ............
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Oct 10, 2003 2:07:34 PM CDT
Davy Crockett is the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet!
by jimmychitwood
Gredo loses his keys...now THAT'S comedy...
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The princess is also an ogre, the glass slipper fits the poor servant girl, her mom gets shot by hunters, the bad guy is also a 'toon, and he becomes a real boy! Peace out...
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V'ger is the Voyager probe. Spock dies. Spock's still alive, but he's going through puberty. the probe is trying to communicate with humpback whales. the dude at the center of the galaxy isn't god, just some bored super-space-being. close-minded federation council members and the slutty chick from sex and the city were behind the assassination plot. kirk dies, but not really, but then he does die... really. after the farmer from babe flies his warp ship, the first aliens to visit earth are Vulcans. the Sona and the Baku are the same race. the bald dude is Picard's clone, and Data dies.
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Way back in the days before the internet (what is that you say? BEFORE the internet? That's just crazy talk...), when what little information could be leaked about a film was found in the hollowed pages of fanboy mags, most people had no idea going into a film what was going to happen. One of the biggest surprises at that time was the aforementioned "Luke, I am your father" scene in Empire. Shocked the hell out of everybody. Was it true? Was it a Dark Side trick? Needless to say, it was a surprise any audience would have loved to discover during the movie. I have a friend who went to see Empire in the theater. While she was standing in line, the previous showing let out. As people were walking by, some jackass goes "Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father." Right in front of everyone and quite loudly. Could you imagine that? So now whenever we get out of any "big" event movie, we say "Darth Vader is Luke's father" to the waiting throng as we pass them.
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Jay and Bob finally get their mo'F***in' movie check and use the money to fly all over the country kicking our asses...
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The Bend It Like Beckham girls should take note from the Thirteen girls and get clitoral piercings. Pleasure for her.
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Wolfman's got NARDS!!!
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no innerest.
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Data does die but his replicant created by the Romulans survives singing the same song Data sings, Supes did not lose his powers 'cuz the red light was on the outside, Bruce dies in the end making Harry cry, Willie Beamen is the star quarterback for Al Pacino's new team, Godzilla gets stuck on the Brooklyn Bridge and gets shot by F-16's, Russel dies at the end, Mel does too after crying FREEDOM, Mel doesn't die at the end so Viva Liberte!, Harrison chose wisely!, Luke's my brother, Han!, Godzilla and King Kong tied, Jean Grey dies...well not really!, the surviving Senator Kelly is Mystique, and finally there are no WMD in Iraq
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He's named after the dog; Elijah caused the accidents; Vader turns against the Emperor; It was corn syrup, just like they used in Carrie; Sonny goes jock, but it doesn't matter because Sandy goes whore; Stewie uses the mind-control device on the judge.
BTW, kudos for the Wraith reference, one of the best films of the 80s, and Cliff Howard's lone role without his brother directing (or so it seems) -
Nice reference :)
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After putting too much peanut butter into the "hair tonic", the kid's hair just keeps on growing. The creepy artist kidnaps him, and has other children make paintbrushes out of the kid's hair. Turns out that painting painted with the kid's hair come "alive". After painting a picture of the haunted house, the creepy artist walks into it, never to return. The kid's hair stops growing and his friends find him, and they live happily ever after.
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guss : "..the revisionist history I was forced to read as a child failed to mention that the "brave souls" who defended Texas were fighting to preserve the enslavement of my people (African-Americans)"
So, instead you found a different revisionist history that fit in better with your sense of angst. Nice. -
...and Capt. Ahab, Cody Jarret, and Old Yeller all die.
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How can Billy Bob Thornton say dialogue that hackneyed? Oh, I forgot - he was in ARMAGEDDON.
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Oct 10, 2003 6:10:59 PM CDT
I think they shoud make 'Remember The Alamo" with Hulk Hogan as
by mbaker
Ugh, Me want 'em coonskin hat, Brother!
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It is funny how the United States history of Texas is very different than Mexico's history of Texas. I've lived in both countries. They both have their heroes and cowards according to what you want to believe. Americans were trying to expand by moving West and Mexicans were defending what was theirs already. In Mexico, Santa Ana is known as one of the biggest pricks in history and they blame him for losing Texas and if I'm not mistaken, California, Arizona, and New Mexico. Saxter, you're a dope. Some of the people that you think are illegal have probably been here in the USA some generations before your ancestors were here. I love this country but don't forget that the pilgrims were the first "illegals" at some point.
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Bruce turns out to be a King in his own way, Steven Seagal kills everyone without getting hit ONCE (fact!), Jason Lives, Freddy lives, Michael lives, Leatherface lives, Tiffany gives birth to Chucky's seed after a ridiculously short incubation period, Predators have been hunting on Earth for centuries, it was actually Billy AND Stuart, Jack becomes part of the hotel after freezing, John Connor and Kate Brewster were only meant to survive Judgment Day, Gollum destroys the Ring, the Ewoks party, the LeMarchand configuration is sold again on the Moroccan market place, Simba becomes king after all (though not in the same way as Bruce), Liu Kang's brother doesn't really blame Liu for his death (boy that one was a relief!) yet the Emperor does attack the Earth Realm, Leon dies and Mathilda goes to boarding school and eventually becomes hottest babe ever, Mina cuts Drac's head off, The Fantom turns out to be literary supervillain James Moriarty, Johnny 5 eventually lives, Rambo shoots everybody (x3), Carrie's house crashes in on her, suburbian guy kills all the gay hillbillies but is severely traumatised by it, Snow-white marries the prince (insert any princess' name here), Magneto gets away with everything, Mighty Joe Young lives, McClane saves all the people not in his jurisdiction (x2), McClane saves all the people in his jurisdiction, there are several more virus plants in the North African desert, Boromir wants the Ring, Saruman builds his tower foolishly close to a dam, Forrest Gump founded post-War America and everything in it, the Walrus was Paul, Linda Lovelace blows some guys, the hitch-hiker is actually a cannibal family member (of which the most recognisable one always lives), the concept of "the One" is actually a mechanism thought out by the machines to keep the humans at bay, the Goonies find the treasure and get to save the Goondocks while the Fratelli's go back to jail and Ferris Bueller makes it in time while his principal has to take the bus all covered in shit, yet accompanied by that supercool Duffman song. PEACE FUCKING OUT.
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I hope there's still room on the bandwagon....Chris shoots Barnes; Gwyneth's head is in the box; they hide the submarine in a river; the Captain shoots Lester; Clint is a vengeful ghost (x2); Vincent Vega gets shot halfway through, but is still alive at the end; Childes isn't the alien, but everyone else is; they guy he saw getting shot when he was a child was himself from the future; Lance Henrikkson is the serial killer and Eric Roberts is the thief; they are all lying (but the farmer saw everything). Bonus points for anyone who gets the last two. PS - surely the reference to everyone being the killer is about "Murder on the Orient Express." PPS - what's an Alamo?
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Eminem overcomes his fear to outrap the black guys, Sydney's boyfriend and Shaggy are killing everyone, Vanessa Kensington is a FemBot, Austin and Dr. Evil are Brothers, Scrappy Doo is Evil, Angelina's first husband and Shaggy outhack Michelle's first husband, They steal 49 cars but nic fucks Eleanor all up, Sam Rockwell and Kelly Lynch are bad guys, Sam Elliot gets killed so Patrick rips a guys throat out, Nobody puts Baby in a corner, The NY Rangers beat the guys from the Saturday game, May is making a new friend from body parts, Goose dies, Harry thinks Spidey murdered his father, Marky Mark quits Steel Dragon, Denzel is a crooked narc, and finally... Kyle Reese is John Connor's father!!!
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That Gwyneth's head spoiler was good. That should have been mine
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there must be hundred's more. This is quite possibly the best talkback game ever.
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Oct 10, 2003 8:09:21 PM CDT
Ah. The old accidental-press-of-the-Enter-key faux pas. How emb
by psychonaut
Anyway: Kerry Fox get's away, but Ewen McGregor has swapped all the money with newspapers; Judd Nelson ends up with Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez end up with Ally Sheedy; they sell the drugs but Renton steals all the money; Carter murders the killer (and just about everyone else) but is shot by a sniper; Christopher Walken kills *everyone* but then bleeds to death in a taxi; Gambei looks at the villagers, then at the graves and says "We lost. We always lose."; No one gets Brian down from the cross; the alien artifact is turns the amosphere into oxygen, but it might all be inside his head; James Bond kills the baddie, has sex and makes a vaguely rude comment; the new girls is the alien; all the strippers are vampires (x2, in fact); she gets her son to show the video to her dad; the ink is poisonous; the islanders burn Edward Woodward alive; the deputy killed Charlie Wade; the end of Lost Highway makes no sense, but neither does the beginning or the middle. Ok, I'm out. Anyone else?
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Spoiler: Thor is actually the archangel Triton! Err... am I the only one who saw this?
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The light of Xarthon is Rosario Dawson, Tom Hanks gets off the island but loses wilson, Velma and Roxie put an act together, Brad Hamilton stops a robbery with coffee, Leo kills the butcher, Greg Kinnear kills Joey, you don't give up when the Germans bomb Pearl Harbor, another drummer spontaneously combusts, Morrison dies (maybe), Clarence and alabama have a baby, Catwoman lives, they're both too old for this shit ............... and a spoiler for a movie that hasn't been released yet, so read at your own risk ............... Judas betrays Jesus.
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The man with no name gets the bounty for a whole cart-load of victims and Mortimer just for their boss, but it's okay since he just wanted him anyway; Tetsuo turns into some nasty looking shit and explodes and confuses me; Bob did it all because he's a crazy guy in a jeans jacket; the hitcher gets shot and is evil for no reason whatsoever; everybody dies but they all get together on the boat which is gangster afterlife; Michael becomes the new Don; Fredo is the traitor, subsequently gets whacked; Mary gets whacked, Vinnie is the new Don, Michael dies; Will Smith and Martin Lawrence kill the drug dealers (x2); Freddy wins (you know he does if you analyse the situation); Tarzan and Jane live happily ever after in the jungle; they blow up the Death Star; Qui-Gon dies, but Naboo is liberated; Ani and Padm
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I hadn't seen "The Wicker Man" yet. Crap.
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Oct 10, 2003 9:43:22 PM CDT
Robert Deniro (with Howard Hughes fingernails) is the devil... A
by frankdrebin
...and, finally, Jack Nicholson (giving cello lessons) is the devil.
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Neither the pilgrims or any of the other colonialist/settlers were 'illegals.' First of all, they got permission from the only authority that mattered: England. Secondly, what the British encountered in North America was not a nation-state, but instead a sparsely populated wildnerness with a tribal system w/ no one central government (even if they did have one they probably would have lacked the power to keep the Europeans out for long) that could set laws for immigration. Today we have a central government that has set immigration laws (even if they don't enforce them). Therfore today illegal aliens are just that; illegal residents, with no right to be here. This is not to say the treatment of American Indians was morally right because it wasn't. But to equate the European settlement/conquest with illegal immigration of today is absurd. Its a cheap line aimed at 'victim' groups and guilty white liberals; exactly the groups who applauded it when Camejo said it during one of the Calif Recall debates. Its a sad example of the type of thing that happens when one tries to rationally debate and discuss immigration policy. Inevitable it will degrade to name-calling and regurgitation of meaningless, irrelevant, insulting platitudes. What's next? Are you going to say that 'diversity is our greatest stength' or 'we're a nation of immigrants' or immigration made this country great' or 'we're all immigrants' or 'unless you're a Native American you have no right to complain.' Whatever. I'm sure there are some other brilliant gems I left out. Its a good thing President Polk and his generals Taylor, Scott, and Kearney won the war with Mexico (not to be confused with the Alamo which was part of the Texas war for independence), otherwise large portions of the US would have been condemned to Mexican rule. Then maybe the US would be less prosperous while Mexico would still be mired in 3rd world status despite its abundant natural resources and eager labor supply. Then today La, Arkansas, Ok, the pacific nw, and the rocky mtns would be the focal points of illegal immigration instead of Texas, Calif, and Arizona.
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I always assumed this movie would be made with politically correct, multicultual sensibilities that placed the goal of not offending Mexicans above all else.
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you're all just saying plot points. and how could nobody have said "he's been dead the whole time"
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Do you see what happens when somebody dares to say that the pilgrims were the first (sort of speak) illegals? Don't be so defensive...but it seems to me that you are not giving Native Americans credit. You are only giving the Europeans' laws (at that time) credibility. You are right, the natives had separate tribal nations but guess what?...they had their own laws also. The Europeans didn't care and took what was theirs anyway. Do you mean to tell me that the Natives' laws did not matter? oh shit!!! I almost forgot...you did say that the English laws were the only ones that matter. I have nothing against you because I see your point of view. I am a proud American believe it or not and I see Americans everyday with all kinds of last names from all over the world. Weather you like it or not, this great country is a NATION OF IMMIGRANTS.
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Bill asks Sophie "Does she know that...." nah, that'd be too cruel to spill it for the three numbnuts who haven't seen Kill Bill yet. But whoa I didn't see that, the Hannibal haircut homage or Chigusa, er, Go Go Yubari, going Battle Royale on that pedophile with the really bad teeth coming either.
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is the result of many Spanish (Spain) born presidents or dictators who stole from the people and took it to Europe. They took advantage of power, exploited natural resources and sold thousands of acres to foreigners. Mexico would be a rich country if it weren't screwed by fake politicians.
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Thelma and Louise drive off the cliff, Clarence doesn't die, he escapes to Mexico with Alabama and they have a kid and name him Elvis, Beat Takeshi gets it in the end but the the cute couple escape the island and are apparently running around in Shibuya, Powers Boothe really killed his own mother, Robert Redford spends his life savings to spring Brad Pitt from the Chinese prison, King Arthur gets a Viking funeral after he and his inbred son Mordred "embrace", Capricorn One never went to Mars, Lassie doesn't die when he gets swept down the river, some dude pukes on Shannyn Sossaman, Damien gets adopted by the President, the scary scarface Indian dude that tries to kill Melanie Griffith is really Craig Wasson's buddy from acting class, Michael Caine channeled Norman Bates and his mother, and Charlotte Rampling has got one hell of an imagination if she can re-imagine that skanky braces kid in her imagination as Ludivine Sagnier. Oh and Johnny Depp is one of those undead cursed pirates who turn into skeletons in the moonlight. Scoreboard.
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The Central Powers lose, the Allies win; The Axis loses, the Allies win; Korea is a draw but Kim fails to achieve his objectives; the Cuban Missile Crisis fails to ignite World War III; The U.S. loses in Vietnam; The U.S. wins the race to the Moon; The U.S. wins Iraq War One but allows Saddam to stay in power; The Soviet Bloc collapses of its own incompatence and thus the Allies win the Cold War. A lovely time was had by all.
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The City is really a Space Station, the Woodcutter stole the wife's knife(and maybe killed her husband), Bucho is the Mariachi's brother, (Noel) is the Killer, Elektra is still alive, Montrose was Cuningham's father, John Wayne shot Liberty Valance, the Beast was a lion, Tony the cop survives shooting himself to let Tequila shoot Johnny Wong, Peachy walks around with Danny's head in a sack, Ryan is saved, MacDuff will kill MacBeth, the SWAT team is the crooks, the brothel is a Mayan pyramid, Bad Girl and Kar are now the dual protector's of the scroll, and just for you all, BOTH GARYS SINSE AND MADELINE ARE ANDRIODS WITH BOMB'S IN THEIR RIB CAGES!!!!
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the rude man in the trenchcoat is from mars, but the cook is from venus-they had crash landed on earth-gold has no value in the future-the woman is good looking by are standards, but is ugly in her world-the woman is a mannequin-the world is not moving toward the sun, but away from it-he has all the time in the world to read books, but he breaks his glasses-the real monsters are the residents of Maple street-the new episodes with Forest Whitaker really sucked
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SOILENT GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE!!!
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How could Disney refuse to let BOTH Ron Howard and Russel Crowe make a gritty, violent R rated ALAMO?!!! Now we have this ALAMO light (pg 13) and its going to be very dissapointing not to mention too politically correct. Oh, John Wayne, where are you when we need you man? I guess it's back to watching The Duke's bombastic,stuffed 60s epic THE ALAMO. That probably was more epic and had a longer battle climax than this new rehash.
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The bomb's in Jeff's car.
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It's not his daughter running around in the red coat, its a psychopathic dwarf. And...in a vaguely on-topic post for once...I'm disappointed to hear that Dennis Quaid is no good in this film. I watched Saviour last night and although the film is not without its flaws, Quaid's performance was astonishing. I'd only seen him do lightweight stuff before, and the way he shifted his character from a stone-eyed killer of children to a redeemed man without once getting sentimental was incredible. Sad to see Stellan Skarsgard criminally underused AGAIN, though. Will someone in Hollywood please wake up and start giving this guy better parts. Check out the original Norwegian (I think), version of Insomnia to see what I mean.
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It's true Stellan is undersused in Hollywood, like many european actors trying to make a career there (non-english speaking ones).
But he's doing a great job over here on the Old continent, like you said in the original Insomnia, or with Lars Von Trier.
Now i'm not a Von Trier fan, but Dogville is a good film, and Stellan and all the excellent cast are ecellent in it. -
You've been warned, read at your own risk............ .......... .......... I have it from a trusted source, get this, believe it or not, OK here it comes ........ Anakin Skywalker IS Darth Vader.
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1. Now you say 'sort of' illegal, but you were equating today's illegal immigration w/ the early European settlement. They are completely different. 2. Its not a matter of giving the American Indians credit. The reason the British laws mattered was because the British had the power to enforce them. There was no central Native power in the new world that established who could and could not enter the New World. 3. Yes the Europeans took the land, that's the way things were done then. Doesn't mean it was right, but it does show that the Indians couldn't stop it (even if they did have a central authority the European conquest was likely inevitable). Today, we do have a unified nation, led by a strong central govt, that could stop or seriously reduce illegal immigration if the cheap labor lobby and ethnic interest lobby didn't control policy. 4. I don't mean to sound 'defensive' but as someone who is interested in this subject, and who is disgusted at the disconnect between majority opinion of the people and their unresponsive elected officials, I do admit to being dismayed when simplistic pc statements about this complex issue are made. To suggest Pilgrims were 'illegals' is nothing but a pc guilt trip that tries to make people equate today's illegal immigration w/ the legal immigration (or original colonial settlement)of their own ancestors, and thus to make them feel guilty for daring suggest our nation has the right to decide who is and is not allowed in. 5. As to this being a NATION OF IMMIGRANTS: Well technically, that is false as the majority of people in the US are native-born, and thus not immigrants. But I know what you mean, you're speaking of the larger 'we all descend from immigrants' theme. Well again, technically, many people in this country descend at least in part from the founding stock, who were not technically immigrants as we understand the term today. But lets just say its true: So what? It's irrelevant when deciding what is the best immigration policy for TODAY. What is best for most Americans. Pointing to past successful immigration and assimilation only shows that one is unaware of the vast differenes between past waves and today's. And of courese you're free to say such things, but its pathetic when trying to debate such a complex issue that the best people can come up with is to say 'we're a nation of immigrants.' That doesn't exactly address the consequences of mass immigration on the environment, economy, schools, infrastructure, etc. Are you saying that immigration policy should be held hostage to platitudes? 6. I'm sure the Spanish exploitation did hurt Mexico, but the fact is that 'screwing' is still going on today by Mexican elites. Mexico today has mineral resources, oil reserves, beautiful resort areas, magnificent Aztec ruins, agriculture, and obviously eager workers. Don't you see that it is the elites of Mexico who benefit most from mass legal and illegal emigration out of their country? It is a safety valve for them, which allows them to avoid the necessary reforms which could transform Mexico into a land where people don't have to leave to find work. Those reforms may mean they lose some of their power, but in the long run it would be best for Mexico. And if our country stopped feeding the parasite, then suddenly the Mexican govt would have a very disgruntled population demanding reform. Eventually the would get it.
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IT.....WAS...ALL.....JUST......A......DREAM! ! ! ! ! ! ! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNNNNN :-)
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THE BUTLER DID IT ! ! ! ! !
Ok I'm done now. -
But by calling people parasite is messed up. You have made your argument and it makes sense, but it seems to me that you are not willing to understand what I was trying to say. Also, believe it or not, these so called parasite are just trying to feed their families. They would much rather sell oranges on the side of the freeway instead of fucking stealing and yet people treat them like a disease. You better thank your lucky stars that you were born in the USA just like me. You have no idea what these "parasite" go through everyday just to get enough money to eat. Don't get me wrong. I do understand about immigration problems in the country, but not all the country's problems are these people's fault...and don't even metion walfare because as far I know, the majority of people in welfare are American citizens. Wait a minute!...I think we got off the subject a little. You just don't like the idea of the almighty American to have been the intruder at some point in the past. It's as simple as that...and one more thing, not ALL illegal residents are from Latin countries. Let's be fair.
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Dexter Riley gets in trouble with the bad guys who want to get their hands on his latest invention, but with the help of the gang, they defeat the bad guys in those "live-action" Disney flicks. The shark in "Jaws: The Revenge" roars when he gets shocked and Sheriff Brody's wife has her husband's memories. Almost all the horses except Black Beauty die in "Black Beauty."
The monster that Tim Conway keeps going on about in "The Private Eyes" actually shows up at the end. Luke and Leia are brother and sister, but gloss over their make-out session in ESB. Oh yeah, and the "Titanic" sinks. -
Oct 12, 2003 2:14:45 AM CDT
psychonaut, I was surprised, too, that no one mentioned the "red
by eraser_x
That and the twist ending of "the Others" are the two most shocking/eerie twists that I recall ever seeing.
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I was referring the Mexican state as the parasite, not the people. I never said immigration was responsible for all or even most of our problems. As for welfare; what you say is true, but its also true that legal immigrant households have a higher rate of using some form of public assistance than than the native born. That's just one of the many differences between today's immigration and the immigration of past: where once there was little or no welfare, today it exists at local, state, and federal levels. And yes I know that not all illegals are from Latin America, but the overwhelming majority are. And I've never thought of Americans as 'almighty.' And again, their 'intrusion' whether is was the original settlement or the victory over Mexico in 1846-48 does not in any way justify illegal immigration today.
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Nice try, Endust, but I lived in an apartment over some of these people once, and let me tell you, they're no saints, or at least these weren't. There were fifteen in one three-bedroom apartment and every night, they'd come home, get drunk and trash the place. I'd come home at night and there'd be vomit at the bottom of the stairwell and you could literally see chunks of tortilla chips in it. When the apartment complex finally threw them out when they found out what was going on - apparently, a couple had signed the lease, but didn't live there themselves - it took them a month to get the place halfway suitable to be rented out again. So bottom line, I'd suggest thinking twice before making some vague, sarcastic, asinine comment about "caucasian folks" not wanting to do the work that illegal immigrants do in a thinly veiled attempt to provoke guilt. If it weren't for the caucasian folks, there wouldn't be a REASON for them to come - jobs for these people to get over here.
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Lord Morley didn't die and Inspector Winship(sp?) and Dr. Tart are bumbling idiots.
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I never knew all that stuff. My question is why are some political meetings called Caucuses (sp?) - what is their link to a mountainous region on the Turkish-Russian border?
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1)Living on Elm St or going to Camp Crystal Lake WILL get you killed.
2) Mr. Pink is really a COP!
And the Ultimate:
3) Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is Finkle! Einhorn's a MAN!! -
Wow, just like in that episode of The Simpsons...
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I'm sure you're right about the official racial classifications. But there are differences w/in the Caucasian group for the purposes of demographics and everyday use. For instance the term 'white' generally refers to caucasians of European descent. And there are practical implications. For example, latinos ( and probably arabs) are generally eligible for racial preferences wherever they are offered in the US, while the European-descended caucasions are not. Which is just another difference between the mass immigration of today and of times past: The collision between racial preferences (some may prefer the euphemism aff action) and the mass importation of people eligible for them. Which is pure insanity, of course.
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Jack Lemon took the leads. There was reasonable doubt. Drugs ruin all their lives. He might have killed them all or it might have been all in his head (I say its in his head). Goodman is Satan.
Curley finds the gold after Mitch and the gang give up. Mathew Broderick is fired for rigging the election. Hearst covers up Ince's murder. The hand of god sets off the nuclear bomb in Las Vegas. Cage dies in bed. The town turns completely to color. The cops killed Kilmer's Wife. Furlong dies in an ironic way. The doomsday devise goes off.
Willy jumps over the rock wall and makes it to the ocean. Airbud is decapitated by an axe that falls from teh sky, as if to say god wants him dead. she did not kill the old woman but she did kill her husband after years of abuse and molesting their child. Jude Law was waiting at the cottage. and... uhhhhh..... Deniro gets killed at the airport. -
Everybody gets drunk...I am sure you do also. There are morons everywhere of all shapes and sizes. You can say the same thing about people who enjoy their spring break in towns like Cancun. I am sure those guys are puking their Big Macks and chicken nuggets on the street.
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skeletor dies,ming dies,klytus(the dr.doom lookin dude) dies...ray liota didn't do it,shane doesn't come back...jack the ripper gets away...tootsies a man(!)peewee doesnt get his bike back...doofy is the real killer...alanis is god,with a sense of humor...indy saves his daddy...capt.spalding is a member of the firefly family...leatherface has skin cancer...sometimes,dead is better...the ramones save the high school...nerds get their revenge...radio is mentally challenged...alfred packard doesn't get hung...serial mom gets away...joker dies...penguin dies...catwoman lives...beetlejuice stays in limbo...alex isn't cured of the ultraviolence...the crow finds solace...georges wife was a ghost...seth gecko survives the titty twister...
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atticus loses the case,rambo liberates the mia's,the boy and girl survive the woods,the inbred hillbillies live,kevin spacey gets shot in the head,ed norton and brad pitt are the same dude,bruce banner lives in s.america,david banner was the absorbing man,'gigli'is a really bad movie.
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