Cool News
Alan Strykforce buzzes about THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!
Hey folks, Harry here... I'll be posting my review for TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake up tonight. Last week was a doozy for me, and this week I'm trying to get back in the groove. So I'm a bit behind. Specially since Moriarty is off in Rehab. I was shocked to hear about his drinking as of late... I thought that chapter of his life was behind him, but... well I suppose hanging out with Harry Lime has rubbed off on him with a bit of salt and Tequila.
Hey, It's Alan Strykforce. I just got back from a screening of The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre remake. I've never written a review before, but this movie
seemed like it needed someone to hype it up a bit.
Let me just say that earlier today I watched the original film, along with
the first two sequels (fuck the next generation). You'd think that watching the
remake in such close proximity with the original might hurt any chance I'd
have of enjoying it, but you're wrong. Watching two crappy Chainsaw sequels
prepared me for anything that New Line had in store, so there was nothing to lose
walking into the theatre tonight.
So is the film perfect? Nope. It's pretty cliched. Pot and sex equal death
and abstinence equals tons of close calls, but ultimately survival. Also,
the opening scenes with the kids in the van are a bit shaky, until they come
across a hitchhiker…
This is when the film truly kicks into gear and becomes it's own. Forget
what you knew about the original, because aside from a few mimicked murders, the
film veers into a wonderful new territory. R. Lee Emery is the scariest
fucking cop I've ever seen on screen; way tougher than Ray Liota in Narc. He won't
win any awards for this role, but he scared the shit out of everyone in the
audience tonight. Jessica Biel is ok. Her tits bounce across the screen very
well and occasionally she delivers a line convincingly, but I can't shake the
7th Heaven image, which isn't entirely her fault I guess. The only other
person I recognized in the film was the little boy from the Ring as Jedediah. His
fake teeth almost killed it for me, but he was still good. He reminded me of
the feral kid in Road Warrior. My only problem with him is that he helps the
kids survive. The scene felt a little like People Under the Stairs, which
isn't exactly a good thing for me.
New Leatherface is a lot like old Leatherface. He's a butcher in this film,
not a child. That's the thing that's always upset me about the sequels. They
decided that Leatherface must be a retard to do the things he does, but he's
not. He's a man that's blurred the line between animals and people. Watch
the scene where he dresses one of the kid's wounds. He treats the kids as
though they're cattle, and shows them the same amount of remorse that any farmer
would show to a cow lined up for the slaughter. He even moves like the old
Leatherface (the laundry line scene). And wait until you see one of his masks,
it's almost ripped right out of the original. The only thing that pissed me off
was the revelation of his real face. I liked it better when he was just a
normal guy who put flesh on his face and became a psycho. Now, they give the
skin mask significance, which I'm not sure it needed.
There's a lot more I'd like to say, but I think I've already said too much.
Just go see the fucking movie and decide for yourself if it's any good.
By the way, Harry's cameo was to die for. Muwahahahahahaha.
Love,
Alan Strykforce
-
+ Expand All
-
There's so much love for them on this site!
-
Sounds good to me.
-
yeaaaaahhhh
-
I just can't believe that you "movie fans" are sitting so passively by while a classic is (again!) getting butchered. "Oh the trailers make it look good..." Duh, they can make commercials to make dish soap look good, cool and exciting. Snap out of it!!
-
Somebody wanna throw up a warning for crying out loud? Anyway, I showed my girlfriend the original TCM last weekend. Creeped her the hell out, and she swore off beef (but we'll see how long that lasts). We'll definitely be catching the new one - TCM3 and 4 were pretty much just remake attempts, and they didn't tarnish the original, and I like the look of this new one. Looks like it's got some interesting twists on the formula. What I'd REALLY like to see is a TCM prequel. There's a whole missing generation of the Sawyer clan, and the Old Franklin Place was just a short stroll from the Sawyer house. What was it like growing up next door to the Chainsaw Family? What happened to the Chainsaw mother and father? William Hooper, Tobe's son, worked on a prequel with Bill "Chop Top" Moseley, but I don't think it ever got released. OK, I'll shut up now. sk
-
Have you ever tried to cut anything besides wood with a chainsaw? Some of today's models may be a bit stronger, but most of the traditional chainsaws get jammed the second a small bit of cloth or string gets stuck inside them. If you were to attack someone with a chainsaw, or at least the kind used in the film, you would be lucky to cut into the bone. In fact, if your intended victim were wearing at least two layers of clothing, there's a good chance you wouldn't even be able to penetrate the skin. A part of their clothing would get caught in the chainsaw, and they would have ample time to punch you in the face and run away. I guess this explains why only one person was actually killed with a chainsaw in the original film, despite the implications of the title.
-
It's gonna take some doin' to get my lady to see the original TCM, an' there's no way in Hell she'll go see the remake with me and my friends. Ofcourse, my friends are the kinda guys who watched Massacre and thought it was an engrossing and well constructed documentary.
-
they make commercials to make dish soap look good, but they also make movies to be good, no? I kinda faced this question when I was renting with a friend, and they picked up something shitty (I don't remember) and I asked why he wanted to see it. He pointed to the box and said, "It read good." I said to him, "People get paid big bucks to make them look good." And that's when I realized people get paid big bucks to MAKE THEM GOOD. Reality sucks. Boot me into the MATRIX, I need a juicy steak.
-
Hey, maybe Leatherface AIN'T really retarded, he's just bugfuck-crazy. As in completely, unrevocably, bereft-of-a-sense-of-right-and-wrong PSYCHOTIC. I sure would like to know more about the actual case (if true) this is claimed to be based on. Bet that'd make for some fascinating reading. Ed Gein was wacked, but this is beyond the fucking pale, at least as presented in the movies.
-
How can you belittle Nancy Pelosi so easily? I suppose it's OK to make fun of how someone looks just because of their particular political persuasion. Your vast right-wing conspiracy is crumbling - Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Heston - they're all going down. Besides, you should now that the perfect person to play Leatherface is Maria Schriver's mother.
-
Jesus, have you taken a look at her lately?? Maria Shriver IS Leatherface!
-
Oct 10, 2003 11:38:37 AM CDT
It's a pretty intense and an actually scary film. I was impresse
by mr. profit
The above review was off the mark. The film is the best slasher film that I have seen in years. It's intense, it's scary, the death scenes were done good, and it was just a good experience save for Harry's stupid and unecessary cameo in Leatherface's basement.
**********************************
Don't be a fool and not see this movie because you are so in love w/ the original. It's the best horror film of the year.It makes mad horror films look like crap, eventhough most did a good job of doing so by themselves. TCM is a good film. -
Oct 10, 2003 11:47:24 AM CDT
It's a pretty intense and an actually scary film. I was impresse
by mr. profit
The above review was off the mark. The film is the best slasher film that I have seen in years. It's intense, it's scary, the death scenes were done good, and it was just a good experience save for Harry's stupid and unecessary cameo in Leatherface's basement. ********************************** Don't be a fool and not see this movie because you are so in love w/ the original. It's the best horror film of the year.It makes mad horror films look like crap, eventhough most did a good job of doing so by themselves. TCM is a good film.
Readers Talkback
User Login
Top Talkbacks
- Antepenultimate THRONES!! Lane Pryce Returns To MAD MEN!! Roger Waters On 60 MINUTES!! Plus GIRLS, VEEP, SIMPSONS, BURGERS, KILLING, METALOCALYPSE, SHERLOCK!! THE LAST SUNDAY OF SWEEPS!! -- 100 total posts 100 posts
- Duncan Jones To Tell The Story Of Ian Fleming! -- 62 total posts 62 posts
- SNL Says Goodbye To Kristen Wiig!! -- 53 total posts 53 posts
- Hercules Picks Next Season’s 10 Most Promising New Broadcast Series!! -- 128 total posts 50 posts
- The Behind the Scenes Pic of the Day will traumatize you. -- 37 total posts 37 posts
- There Can Be Only One... Ryan Reynolds?! -- 403 total posts 34 posts
- Dan Harmon Done As COMMUNITY Showrunner!! -- 144 total posts 26 posts
- Quint thinks John Hillcoat's prohibition-era flick LAWLESS is violently awesome! Cannes 2012! -- 69 total posts 22 posts
- BATTLESHIP Was A Definite Miss For Raven McCoy!! -- 97 total posts 18 posts
- While Jackie Chan seems to be retiring from Action Films, his son Jaycee Chan is warming up with DOUBLE TROUBLE! -- 53 total posts 18 posts