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Moriarty Rumbles! M. Night's In The WOODS, SECOND HAND LIONS, And LOST IN TRANSLATION!

Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

Y’know what? It’s no goddamn fun writing a negative review. No fun at all.

But, wait. I’m getting ahead of myself.

Let me start by saying it’s been a wonderful and extended weekend. My co-writer went out of town, giving me several days off. I almost didn’t know what to do with the freedom. It was a great recharge filled with a chance to see a few friends, eat out a few times, and, hell, I even got away to San Diego on Saturday, where I took my girl to Sea World, something she’s wanted to do for a while. Saw several movies, and even managed something that’s increasingly rare these days: a face-to-face with Harry. Honestly, I don’t think he’s been in LA since the AICN pilot, and I’ve only been to Austin a few times in the interim. Breaking bread with him and Father Geek and a few other friends was loads of fun.

As I said, I’ve managed to get out to see a few things, and I thought three of those occasions deserved some degree of discussion before we get down to today’s main event...

SECONDHAND LIONS

The harshest thing I can say about the second directorial effort by Tim McCanlies (DANCER, TX, POP. 81) is that it’s overly sweet at times and occasionally seems too sincere for its own good. McCanlies isn’t the most visually adventurous director, and it’s sort of a shame. There are some sections of the film that were begging for a richer visual palette, flights of storytelling fancy that never quite take wing. Even so, he does seem to have created a nice rapport with his cast, and there’s a lot about the movie that is charming and affecting as a result. If you don’t mind sorting through a mixed bag, you’ll be rewarded with some real gems here, worth the time.

First, the question must be asked: how is Haley Joel Osment as he crosses from little boy to awkward teen?

The answer? Appropriately awkward. Walter’s a kid who doesn’t really fit in, thanks in large part to the way his mother Mae (Kyra Sedgwick) keeps moving him around, desperately searching for something or someone to make her feel safe. The film opens with Mae driving Walter through rural Texas. Cinematographer Jack Green (UNFORGIVEN) knows dry and dusty, and the best thing he does is quickly etch in just how desolate this place is. You really feel for Walter when his mother drives him up to the front of a ramshackle old house in the middle of nowhere.

Turns out, this is the home of Hub (Robert Duvall) and Garth (Michael Caine), his infamously eccentric and allegedly rich old uncles, only recently returned from a 40 year disappearance. The truth about their time away and the source of all that money they’re supposedly sitting on are the film’s primary mysteries, the things that draw Walter in. Garth’s the one who opens up to Walter first, and he starts to tell the story of their past together.

And here’s where I’m conflicted. See, I like the stories that Garth tells, but I don’t really like the way those stories are told. The bookends for the film involve Walter as an adult, played by Josh Lucas. It’s nice work, even if it’s only for a few scenes. He’s evidently a cartoonist now, and we get a glimpse of his studio, of the artwork on his desk and the walls. We see it at the start of the film, and then the closing credits actually bring that comic strip art to animated life. Berkley Breathed, creator of the great BLOOM COUNTY, contributes the artwork here, and it made me wish that the film had been the great version of Peter Care’s THE SECRET LIVES OF ALTAR BOYS. That film, another coming-of-age story, used Todd McFarlane’s animated sequences to fill out the imagination of the protagonists. I didn’t think the device paid off in that film, but with Breathed aboard, I think it would have been amazing here. McCanlies did, after all, write the screenplay for THE IRON GIANT, one of the best animated films of the last 20 years. By showing us Walter’s work as an adult, McCanlies introduces the idea that Walter’s creative spirit was first sparked by that summer with his uncles. Everything he draws has its start there.

If Breathed had perhaps shown us Hub’s adventures with Garth and the mysterious Jasmine (Emmanuelle Vaugier), it might have been that one additional step into the fantasy that I needed. I don’t fault McCanlies or Green for my reaction. Heightened, fantastic, tall-tale reality is a tricky thing, even for a seasoned filmmaker. Breathed’s work, even the little bit we see, is so good that it made me nostalgic for a comic strip that has never existed.

Duvall and Caine have a nice, easy chemistry with one another, and they bring very different types of charisma to play. Duvall plays tough as nails here. Hub’s made of chiseled rock, even at this age, and he can fight five men a quarter of his age at once and walk away without a scratch. He’s the kind of impossibly strong that you remember from childhood looking up at your father or an uncle or some other strong male figure. He’s the natural leader, the rough rider, the one unbent by age. Hub’s wounded, but he’s not weak. And as he looks age in the eye, he refuses to blink, refuses to just settle in and take root. Garth’s the sidekick, the voice of reason, crafty in his own right. He’s got a sense of humor about everything they’ve experienced, and Caine’s got a twinkle in his eye all the way through. Osment handles himself well opposite both of them. He seems a little intimidated by the older actors, but that’s appropriate. Walter starts out overwhelmed, a “weenie,” as Hub puts it, and only gradually gains the strength that allows him to claim this place as his home. There’s also some nice supporting work by Christian Kane (nice to see him away from TV’s ANGEL for once), Nicky Katt (always good at sleazy and threatening), and Eric Balfour (soon to be seen in New Line’s TEXAS CHAINSAW remake) in a great last-reel appearance. Now I’m anxious to see BIG FISH, so I can see what Tim Burton does with similar thematic material. A big part of the weight on Burton’s shoulders is giving visual life to the tall tales that Albert Finney’s character tells in that film. No matter what, I’d say anyone who is up for some sincere sentiment without an overabundance of schmaltz should take a chance on SECONDHAND LIONS.

And, as I understand it, New Line’s releasing the RETURN OF THE KING trailer this coming weekend, so it’s a good bet it’ll play in front of SECONDHAND LIONS. I haven’t seen the new trailer. I hear there’s a lot of new footage, though, including a rumored first glimpse of... her...

LOST IN TRANSLATION

A lot’s been written about this film already, and I can see why people were falling over themselves to strike just the right pose in reaction to Sofia Coppola’s lovely, lyrical little film. It’s very slight, a gossamer creation that stands resolutely outside genre, and a further affirmation of the potency of her voice as a filmmaker. I’m so impressed by the two films she’s made and the way she seems to be carving a niche for herself that’s totally different than either the work of her father (Francis Ford Coppola) or her husband (Spike Jonze). Not to say that she hasn’t learned from being around them. Her life must have been all about soaking up lessons from every set, watching and filing things away. As a result, she’s got an impressive command of film language, assisted ably by her cinematographer Lance Acord (BEING JOHN MALKOVICH, ADAPTATION), and what she’s crafted is the kind of confection that perfectly cleanses the palette from the blockbusters of summer and prepares us for the more serious, adult films of the fall ahead.

Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson are both deceptively good in the film. They don’t seem to be acting at all. It’s as if Coppola just introduced the two of them and stranded them in Tokyo to see what would happen. She brings out a wonderful sweetness to Bill, and as a result, his sense of humor isn’t as blistering or withering here as it can be. If Bill wants to make someone hurt, he can, but this is the opposite. Something about this girl seems to reach him and make him feel in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time. And, yeah, in the film they’re called Charlotte and Bob, but reality gets a little fuzzy at the edges of this film. At one point, Bob/Bill is flipping through the channels and he finds a broadcast of himself from the ‘70s. It’s pretty apparently SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE footage, but it’s not supposed to be SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. There has been a lot of ink wasted wondering if Sofia based the characters played by Anna Faris and Giovanni Ribisi on Cameron Diaz or Spike Jonze, but it seems like pointless effort. All artists use their lives and the people around them or things they observe, and they mix it up and invent and rewrite and invert, and by the time you see or read or hear something, it’s not about “real” or “fake” anymore. It’s just art. This film is definitely something honest and heartfelt, something genuinely meant.

Tokyo is quite beautiful here, even if it does feel claustrophobic at times. An early morning shot of Bob golfing in the shadow of Mt. Fiji is quite haunting. Coppola seems to have included a lot of found moments, happy accidents, and it makes the film feel spontaneous and alive. Beyond that, I don’t know what to tell you to persuade you to go see it. It’s not like any sort of recitation of the events of the film are going to help. That’s not what it’s about. It’s a mood, an atmosphere, a stolen moment. It is a special film, and one that will linger, and I hope you get the chance to see and enjoy it for yourselves.

SCARFACE

For some reason, it made me laugh out loud when the first title at the end of the movie came up this time. “This film is dedicated to Howard Hawks and Ben Hecht,” the director and the writer of the 1932 original. I can’t help but think that Hecht, one of the most clever and rapid-fire dialogue writers in the business back then, would have heart failure when he heard lines like, “Miami is like a great big pussy just waiting to get fucked.” What Hawks would think of a set piece like the infamous chainsaw scene or Pacino’s last stand against the guys invading his mansion is also a source of great amusement. One thing’s for certain... Brian De Palma’s demented rollercoaster ride hasn’t lost any of its ability to shock or offend in the 20 years since its first release, and if anything, Oliver Stone’s screenplay feels more intentionally funny now than it did when the film first came out.

The reason to see this film is simple: Al Pacino is staggeringly entertaining in every single frame of the movie, chewing the edges of the frame as he brings Cuban immigrant Tony Montana to snarling, venal life. He is so hungry at the start of the film, so determined to have America, all of it, all at once, and to jam it into his eyes, his ears, his mouth, his nose, as fast as he can. Tony’s rise to power is never a question. It’s only a matter of time. He brings along Manny (Steven Bauer) as the one person he can trust, and he starts to climb over anybody he has to in order to become one of Miami’s biggest drug lords. “THE WORLD IS YOURS” is a phrase that shows up a number of times in the film, and it’s always meant with a bitter, cutting, ironic edge.

Seeing this on the other side of MIAMI VICE and gangsta rap and any number of homages and thefts and tributes, it would be easy to view this as a museum piece, all the life long since squeezed out of it, but that’s not the case at all. Oliver Stone was at his most manic and excessive when he wrote this, and De Palma just took the script and ran with it. He piled the style onto the script, and the result is surprisingly sleek, despite the nearly three hour running time. The cast is full of people just ripping it up, relishing every bit of Stone’s script. Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio with her giant disco afro, Michelle Pfeiffer as the ice queen, Robert Loggia as Frank, Tony’s first big boss, F. Murray Abraham as the oily Omar who has a particularly memorable finish, the late Paul Shenar (the voice of Jenner in THE SECRET OF NIMH) as Sosa, Tony’s South American connection, and on and on. This film was profoundly influential on pop culture, even as it was critically reviled upon release. It deserved better then, and Focus Features did a good thing putting it out in theaters. I think they should have gone wider with it, really pushed it as a major re-release, and the e-mail I’ve gotten on the subject suggests that they’re missing a lot of box-office by not having it on more screens. The audience we saw it with on Friday night was enthusiastic, and many of them seemed to know the movie word-for-word. When it hits DVD later this month, I look forward to comparing the picture quality there to seeing it on one of the Arclight’s screens. I wish I’d known to wait for the 11:00 show, when it’s playing in the Cinerama Dome. Would’ve been a trip. At any rate, if you’re near a theater playing it and you don’t mind a bit of wallowing in the profane, it’s every bit as great as it’s ever been.

THE WOODS (Screenplay Review)

And now, at last, we come to the reason for today’s column, and I’ll confess... I’ve been dragging my feet. I’ve been trying to get a handle on how to approach this script, since no one likes being the bearer of bad news, especially when you’re dealing with a cult of adoration as blindly forgiving as that of M. Night Shyamalan, both in terms of audiences and studio executives. No matter what I say here, I’m going to get personally attacked for saying it, and that’s a shame. It’s easy to kill the messenger. It’s harder to really hear the message.

Some part of me actually hopes that the screenplay that has obviously leaked (despite Nina Jacobsen’s assurance that the only copy was locked in her office, impossible to reach) is a fake. That would make me feel so much better, and it would be a fitting way to throw people off the trail. It would also probably make Shyamalan laugh as he read reviews where people tried to tiptoe around how miserably bad THE WOODS is as a read if he knew that what they were reading was just hogwash. Keep in mind, I’ve been talking about M. Night’s work online since well before the theatrical release of THE SIXTH SENSE, and one of the things that made me an early fan of his work was the nearly-surgical precision of how he composed his pages. There was an economy to his writing that was intimidating. I read LABOR OF LOVE, STUART LITTLE (his lovely early draft), and SIXTH SENSE over one long weekend, and by the end, I was convinced he was the Next Big Thing.

I wasn’t alone. After SIXTH SENSE exploded at the box office, he signed a deal with Disney that gives him a fairly unprecedented level of freedom. He got burned early on with his experiences working on LABOR OF LOVE over at Fox, and as a result, he has managed to form a protective wall around himself to prevent anyone from giving him notes or suggesting revisions. He’s insulated himself from other people’s decisions, and as much as that sounds like exactly what every writer/director wants or needs, it can be a trap, and just as destructive as being involved in filmmaking by committee. There’s a balance to it, as with everything, that must be struck, and the more insulated you are, the more you become vulnerable to your own worst instincts. A hit the size of THE SIXTH SENSE buys you a lot of “Fuck You” clout in this town, and despite the fact that UNBREAKABLE was much more modest at the box office, SIGNS marked a return to form as far as money earned, and Shyamalan is still treated with kid gloves in hopes that he’s going to come up with another sensation. But it’s not THE WOODS. Not unless, as I said, this is a completely fake screenplay designed to throw FilmJerk and Darwin Mayflower and Creature Corner off the scent.

After all, isn’t it more comforting to think that someone’s taken the time to write a completely fake draft of a script to throw off Internet rumor sites, rather than thinking that someone as talented as Shyamalan could believe their own hype enough to vanish completely up their own ass? Right away, the first thing that struck me upon reading the script is how sloppy it is. It’s filled with misspellings and goofy grammar errors, and even though the language is the same as the Shyamalan work I’ve read before, there’s a hurried, haphazard quality here that was never in his earlier work. Silly stuff that anyone would catch and correct. Now, if you’re writing a fake script, something you’re just going to leak and that you’re not really going to shoot, I can see that sort of sloppiness. Not with a real script, though. I mean, $5 million a draft should buy at least one run though spell-check, right?

Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced. This can’t be it. He’s putting together a good cast so far, filled with character actors like Adrien Brody and Brendan Gleeson and Judy Greer and Joaquin Phoenix and Sigourney Weaver and William Hurt and Michael Pitt and Cherry Jones, and he wouldn't sign all those people to do a third-rate community theater version of THE CRUCIBLE, filled with cornball dialogue and stiff characters that are more type than anything else. Nobody’s drawn convincingly. Not Lucius Hunt (Phoenix), the shy and introverted young man who wants to challenge the traditional teachings of his village elders. Not Edward Walker (Hurt), the gruff unyielding head of the community. Not August Nicholson, whose son’s funeral opens the film. Not Ivy (Bryce Howard) or Kitty (Greer) Walker, daughters to Edward. Not Alice Hunt (Weaver), withdrawn mother to Lucius, so desperate to understand her son. The language of the script is going to prove more than a mouthful, as in a moment where Kitty speaks her heart to Lucius for the first time. Try not to wince during her breathless, “I love you, Lucius. I love you like the day is long. I love you more than the sun and the moon together. And if you feel the same way, we should not hide it any longer. It’s a gift, love is. We should be thankful. We should bellow it with all the breath in our lungs, ‘Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!’” Lucius and his mother have a dreary relationship designed largely to demonstrate that the community elders all have secrets. Like you need to be told that. This is an M. Night Shyamalan film, after all. There must be a twist, right? There must be some massive surprise everything is building to...

... and here’s where we get into the really tricky stuff. Because this is the giveaway, the thing that reveals this script as a total mockery. There is no way Disney is going to bet on THE WOODS as their big summer movie if the script is built on a two page twist ending so cheap and ridiculous that it would have been laughed out of a pitch meeting at the most obnoxious of the dozens of direct-to-syndication TWILIGHT ZONE/OUTER LIMITS ripoffs on TV over the years. There is no way the punchline to the new M. Night Shyamalan film is some guy shaking his head and saying, “Crazy fucking white people” before getting in a truck and driving away. I refuse to believe it.

Of course, I still haven’t covered the basic premise. We start in 1897, at the aforementioned funeral of a child. We see his headstone, the inscription, the date of death. And then we see the village, and we meet the villagers, and we see them at dinner, gathered all together, interrupted by the sound of inhuman screams from the nearby woods. The only person not terrified by the sound is Noah (Brody), a retarded boy who seems delighted. Shyamalan introduces the rules of the village to us quickly. Red is the “bad color,” the color that attracts “Those We Don’t Speak Of.” You can’t pick a red flower or wear a red garment or own anything red at all. It’s forbidden. Likewise, yellow is the “safety color.” The border of the woods is painted with yellow. When someone finally is sent into the woods, they’re told to wear yellow. Now, Ivy is a blind girl who sees auras, colors around people. You would think that might pay off with the red and yellow motif of the film, that she would be able to ascertain something based on those colors and the clues we’re given. And if this really was the work of someone who gave a shit, then I’m sure that would be the case. But if it is fake, then it doesn’t really matter if things add up, does it? The worst thing about this is that the build-up to the twist endings (yes, that’s right, there are actually THREE big twists in the last twenty pages or so) is fairly dull and routine stuff. SIGNS frustrated me because I didn’t think the ending of the film lived up to the rest of it. For the most part, I think SIGNS is effective, and there are some great moments along the way. Here, there’s no character to hold onto at the center of the film.

For a while, Lucius appears to be the lead, then when something happens to him, Ivy seems to become the lead. It’s also just plain overwritten, like it’s striving for meaning in the mundane. If he uses Tak Fujimoto as his director of photography again, I have no doubt the film will be spectacular to look at. It’s a pastoral setting, with stylized costumes and sets, and Fujimoto will make it luminous. That compared with the long shadows and the browns and greens of the deep woods should provide plenty of opportunity to make this thing beautiful. But that is just the icing on a cake, and if you’re starting with a turd instead of baker’s flour, you’re going to end up with a turd cake. Not a terribly appealing prospect.

But rest assured... that can’t be the case. Shyamalan wouldn’t pull one twist ending only to try to convince us of the same thing a second time, and then do the exact same twist again. He would realize how incredibly insulting that is, and he would come up with something far more clever. He wouldn’t turn the last act into something as lame as a blind girl being stalked for cheap thrills, especially with a payoff as lame as the one here. He wouldn't turn his entire film into a rather pedantic and obvious attack on the notion of a society based on capitalism, especially not if sending the mixed message that modern science might be worth such minor inconveniences as greed, the dissolution of the family, and murder. Nope. I have faith. I have faith that this is all an elaborate prank, played on the Internet, by a storyteller who has something fun and original up his sleeve that he doesn’t want to see spoiled.

At least, that’s what I’d be praying if I had money in this thing. Because if I’m wrong... if by some chance this is the actual script that’s going to be used... then a few things are apparent. One, everybody who’s reviewed it so far has been polite, overly respectful, when the script deserves open scorn. Two, this will be this director’s BATTLEFIELD EARTH or SHOWGIRLS, an epic miscalculation that gets stuck in the audience’s craw for a while, and it will take something really special to buy his way out of the cinematic doghouse this will earn him. Three, this will infuriate audiences across the board. They’ll feel cheated, and they’ll be right.

But like I said... can’t be. It just can’t.

And, yeah, I know the film technically isn't called THE WOODS anymore because Lucky McKee registered the title first. Tell you what I'll do... I'll read Lucky's script and review it later this week, by way of comparison. At the moment, though, I’ve got some friends coming over, and then I’ll be back with my DVD column for the morning, as well as some more updates. Until then...

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 22, 2003, 9:19 p.m. CST

    Wow...that bad?

    by Dog Of Mystery

    After UNBREAKABLE and SIGNS, I was beginning to think Shyamalan could do no wrong... Too bad.

  • Sept. 22, 2003, 11:05 p.m. CST

    Sounds like M, but spelling errors?

    by Megaladon

    The story as described sounds exactly like something M would write, but the spelling erros seem kind of odd.

  • Sept. 22, 2003, 11:41 p.m. CST

    I dare M. Night to make Mahabharata

    by Declan_Swartz

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:26 a.m. CST

    Coherent Thoughts...

    by TFMinistry

    As opposed to a column by Harry. I'm eager to see Lost in Translation, and from what I've heard, Moriarty's review is spot on. I'll hopefully be able to confirm that if any theater around me carries it. The Woods review distresses me, because I've been waiting for Shaylaman to do something impressive and live up to hints of potential. Oh well.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:28 a.m. CST

    $228 million is "modest" box office?

    by MikeSal222

    SIGNS took in nearly $228 million in domestic box office, and was one of the year's best-sellers on DVD. Yes, Unbreakable was more modest in terms of financial success, but Signs was a blockbuster smash.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:28 a.m. CST

    I think the sequel should be called Morning Wood..

    by Grando

    .. With Hulk Hogan as the bad guy. "I need to rub one out Brother!"

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:32 a.m. CST

    M. Night is one of the most overrated filmmakers in Hollywood to

    by Osmosis Jones

    ...and the end of Signs was the worst "twist" in recent memory. "Swing Away" my ass... And will every Shyamalan movie have a twist ending forced upon it from now 'til doomsday? Shyamalan = the poor man's Brian De Palma. Oh, and it's always nice to hear any mention of The Secret Of NIMH. Paul "Jenner" Shenar's in Scarface? Huh, I'll have to keep an eye peeled when I watch the new DVD.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:32 a.m. CST

    FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! JUST TELL US!!! THE ENDING!!!

    by spacehog

    How long is it going to take until someone gives away the goddamn twist? What, so it's not actually the 1890's? It's just a bunch of Amish people? The monsters in the woods are... uh... campers? Come on!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:05 a.m. CST

    i tell you the twist (skip this if you dont want to know)

    by soup74

    well, i havent read the script, and i could be COMPLETELY wrong but ive read enough script reviews, and they're all making it pretty obvious that this little village of 1897 is isolated from the rest of the world by the "woods" which they cant venture though because of the monsters (it also seems that the "elders" of the village work with the monsters) .. ***possible Spoiler** which only makes sence that at the end when someone gets through the woods you find out that its really present day time. making it a goofy, crappy, slapstick ending... but then again, i havent read the script, i dont know anything about this movie, i could be wrong.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:09 a.m. CST

    soup74

    by Psyclops

    I have a really bad feeling you're right on the money.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:16 a.m. CST

    Remember this is the guy who spent an entire film making us fear

    by IndustryKiller

    Officially making them the dumbest fucking aliens since Earth Girls Are Easy. You know if water burns you like acid then maybe Earth isn't the best place to invade. After that little revelation I'm not sure this script is too low for Shyamalan. I do admit he has talent though and I still hold out a degree of hope that he will nail this one. If this is the script I feel bad for him since the story is all but ruined.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:19 a.m. CST

    Um, are you guys retarded? Moriarty totally gave away the 'twis

    by Rain_Dog

    Read the whole review again. It's in there.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:19 a.m. CST

    i'll have to wait for the final product..M Night has not done wr

    by Jon E Cin

    I loved sixth sense,unbreakable and signs....He's damn good. Your so right about Lost in Translation.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:31 a.m. CST

    scarface

    by Renata

    "First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women." "You look like you haven't been fucked in a long time" "You don't fuck with Tony Montana" "Say hello to my little friend" So many memorable lines. So little time. A truly great "out there" movie that no contemporary filmmaker would dare attempt, not even Quentin T. .who is a child compared to DePalma at his most manic. I'm jealous, Mori. I tried to get into the Arclight twice this weekend and Scarface was sold out the whole weekend. Focus should have gone wider with it. This is doing better than the GODFATHER and CHINATOWN rerelease of a few years back.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Everyone pay homage...

    by Darth Thoth

    to the great piece of cinema that is known as Brian De Palm'a Scarface. 3 hours of classic movie making that transcended the screen into the very fabric of pop culture and society. I missed it this past weekend but I'm all set to check it out with a group of friends tonight at NYC's AMC Theater in Times Square. It's on! Bring on the ROTK and Revolutions trailers! Keep up the good work, Mori.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:40 a.m. CST

    Mori, it's Mount FUJI (not Fiji)

    by JTylor

    And the best thing about that is the effortless way Bob (in Bill's words) "Fucking crushed it." That shot actually convinced me that golf could be a beautiful sport. Of course, nothing is quite as beautiful as Scarlett Johanssen...

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:42 a.m. CST

    Like Rain_Dog said, Moriarty gave away the twist

    by Random

    And soup74 was right on the money. Don't scroll down if you don't want to know it! * * * * * * * * * * SPOILER "There is no way the punchline to the new M. Night Shyamalan film is some guy shaking his head and saying,

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:48 a.m. CST

    to rain dog

    by soup74

    hey rain dog, i read the review.. i saw what he put, i was just hoping that it wasnt literal.. i mean even if what i posted was right about the ending..making it kind of dumb, i would like it to be revealed in some better fashion than "crazy white mother fuckers!" while some guy gets in his truck and drives away... but then maybe i should have read it more literal.. anyway, on another note, i watched an early version of "signs" (i downloaded it, yes i know im a sinner and im going to burn in hell) and there were a few things changed. (also perhaps these are on the DVD.. i dont own it) one that i liked better before they changed it was a voice over on the television at the end, after the aliens attacked questioning if the invasion was more of a last ditch desperation attempt. which if left in would maybe make it a little more belivable that they attacked a planet that they couldnt defeat. at least they could grab some food or suppiles before they left... but then im just making excuses.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:55 a.m. CST

    it's not really an M. Night talkback till somebody calls him Shy

    by GrandoCarIissian

    now that that's out of the way, i think the woods could be the best thing that could happen to Night. after the sixth sense, it was obvious his next film would show whether he would rise to the promise of become a great writer/director, or try the safe route of recreating his former successes, and as soon as the twist in unbreakable was revealed it was obvious he'd taken the latter route. i've enjoyed all of Night's films, but he'll never make a truly great film like 6th sense again until he abandons his "trick endings" and simply concentrates on good writing and directing. he has the skills, he knows how to create mood and atmosphere, it's a shame he still thinks he needs to rely on trick endings because he doesn't. if the twist at the end of the woods is as bad as it sounds, this might finally convince him to abandon them and move on. or maybe Night is smarter than he's being given credit for. maybe he realizes the twist endings are expected from him, and feels trapped by the expectation, so he intentionally wrote the crappiest twist ending he could come up with, so that it would get torn apart and he'd be free to write something real for a change.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2 a.m. CST

    oh, and i think the twist just might be...

    by GrandoCarIissian

    that they're just a bunch of amish people who've been kidnapped and taken to africa in some kind of reverse slaving operation. "the woods" are really african jungles, the beasts of course are lions, elephants and rhinos, and the black dude who calls them crazy white people and drives away in his truck is the park ranger in kenya where they're being kept. makes sense to me.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:27 a.m. CST

    actually....

    by soup74

    you know, the more i think about it.. i take it all back.. to go through the whole movie worried about creatures and these people trying to survive in the 1890s only to have it end with some dude in a truck saying "crazy fucking white people.." thats genius. CRAZY FUCKING WHITE PEOPLE! ..you know what will be even better, if it's M Night's cameo and HES the one who says it! im dead serious, if thats the way the movie end it will be my favorite M Night movie.... just you wait.. this will play well in peoria. you guys think its going to be a disaster, i say it will be his biggest next to 6th sense.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:35 a.m. CST

    You guys are so dumb...

    by LandoSauce

    The answer is staring you in your pimply faces. The color red is bad, and yellow is good. Hmmm, let's think about this for a second, the color red is bad. Wake up! What doesn't like the color red?! Bulls don't. It's an escaped bull in the forest. You are an idiot if you wear have red around a bull. Shyamalan you've done it again, you genius bastard.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:35 a.m. CST

    while im at it...

    by soup74

    this completely off topic, but while im on a rant.. i says you're all wrong about being pissed that george lucas keeps changing star wars.. i say, screw it.. he should really retool it, and when the the prequels are complete he should go back and fix all the new continuity errors he created! (ie: change obi-wan saying, "i dont remember owning a droid." to " holy shit! its that R-2 unit that saved my life a couple of times!" )then release it on dvd again in the COMPLETE SUPER SPECIAL EDITION 6 DVD BOX SET! NOW WITH EXTRA COLORS! I'm tell you guys.. quit being so damn jaded about your precious movies.. these idea are gold, i tells ya!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:52 a.m. CST

    *fuck*

    by Ryo

    And I think it's gotta be true if we're told that it's set in the 1890's not be some caption or whatever, but by a tombstone from the village. But still, it doesn't make sense to me, I mean, why would something like this happen? Unless it's some Amish community that's just grown so far apart from everyone else that they've forgotten that they're really in the 21st century... but that's stupid. > And I'm shocked, shocked I say, that people haven't picked up on the subliminal messages in the film: Red is bad and Yellow is good... hmmm, so China's better than Russia eh? > And Signs was shit, with a stupid, dumb, meaningless "twist" and a totally shithouse ending

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:58 a.m. CST

    M Night's 1941

    by Warwick Davis Jr

    I guess Sixth Sense was his Jaws, Signs was his Close Encounters and this will be his 1941. Hope Lenny and Squiggy make a cameo. Funny thing is, this whole time I always pictured this movie being a fantasy, like the town from Sleepy Hollow haunted by the dark forest from Harry Potter. What would be a really great ending is if they get outside the woods and find they're all actors on a film set with names like Sigourney and Joaquin being directed by some cocky upstart.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:13 a.m. CST

    im posting too much over this

    by soup74

    have you ever told one of those jokes that goes on for 15 minutes only to have a lame one sentence punchline (like the shaggy dog story, or "tag, you're it!) well, if this is true then this movie is going to be one long joke, with a one sentence punchline at the end.. and thats not lame at all.. its quite original and daring if you ask me. on another not, if these townpeople are being fooled by the "elders" into thinking life is this way, and the outside citys are bad, why bother saying its 1890.. just say its 2003, they dont need to know about the industrial revolution... they can just think shit is the same as it was for the previous 3000 years.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:22 a.m. CST

    POSSIBLE 'WOODS" SPOILER!!!

    by Cash Bailey

    I heard the big twist of the picture pretty much rips off BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF. That may be wrong, but from what I've read of it it seems likely.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:31 a.m. CST

    If it is a leak, the person who leaked it should be ashamed of t

    by Merkin Muffley

    Assuming this is a really leaked script... What kind of a loser would do that in the first place? What a jack-ass. That said, I'll bet it's a plant. In which case, well done.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:32 a.m. CST

    Cash...

    by drew mcweeny

    It ain't anything like BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF. It's not very complicated at all. Pay attention to the details above, and I've laid it all out for you. It's no more involved than what is already there.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 4:46 a.m. CST

    IndustryKiller: the 'twist' in Signs

    by prbt

    It wasn't the water that burned the alien, it was the stuff IN the water (microbes, bacteria, whatever). Hence, the little girl making a big fuss about not drinking it.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6 a.m. CST

    The real secret:

    by Wingnut1A

    Mori left out the biggest twist at the end of the screenplay. The guy that says "Crazy white people." and then drives away is actually a gorilla!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:03 a.m. CST

    Question:

    by Wingnut1A

    I'd love to see Scarface on the big screen, but I just cant get myself to drop $14 for a ticket at the Arclite Theatre. Does it still cost that much for a ticket there?

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:08 a.m. CST

    Answer...

    by drew mcweeny

    ... no. It was $11 per ticket on Friday night, and that's buying them over the phone, with service charges presumably added.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 7:31 a.m. CST

    Moriarty is morphing into Harry.

    by eraser_x

    Harry can no longer review a movie on its own merits; instead he compares it to the movie that he himself would have written (e.g., one with vampires and werewolves). Now Moriarty sees a movie (Secondhand Lions) and wants it to have animated sequences! Oh great. Maybe Moriarty can also go spastic over Kill Bill--I heard Kill Bill has an animated sequence! :-) (BTW, it's the *Dangerous* Lives of Altar Boys, not the "Secret Lives")

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 7:50 a.m. CST

    Sick of Haley joel

    by Mantastic!

    haley joel osment.. I'm sick of this person and he hasn't even been overused in films.. it's just HOW he's been used... wouldn't even be relevent if Shamamlan and spielberg didn't have 'eccentric' tastes...by the way... an upsetting article on colin farrell has been generating a FIRE STORM on message boards...a lot of people are really inscensed about this colin farell article about farell on Letterman. see it here: http://www.merryweatherjones.com/news.php#03081401

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 8:17 a.m. CST

    LandoSauce...

    by raw_bean

    Actually fella, I thought the 'red rag' thing was a myth, that Bulls (like many animals) are colourblind, and that it's just the flapping and waving of the 'red rag' that attracts their attention. ----On Topic: Personally, I liked 6th sense but I think it spoit it that I knew the ending, I loved Unbreakable, and I saw nothing to attract me to Signs so I never saw it. The premise for The Woods sounds really interesting, assuming the real script isn't as bad as Moriarty is reporting.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 8:24 a.m. CST

    The line "Crazy fucking white people..." figures pretty prominan

    by Mahasamatman

    It's in a film called "Dead Man," a black and whiter starring Johnny Depp. It's a good little movie, if a little long. Anyway, there's a fat Indian in it, and he shakes his head and says "Crazy fucking white man" whenever Depp's in trouble. It's quite funny, and the actor is really suberb, does a hilarious deliveruy. I think it's the last line of the movie. Anyway, I'd say that's a pretty strong indicator this is a planted script.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 9:07 a.m. CST

    WTF????

    by jackburtonlives

    "it's been a long time since harry and i have broken wind together". sweet j***! spare us the details morrie!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 9:16 a.m. CST

    Signs, signs, everywhere signs...

    by jimmychitwood

    Mori brought his girlfriend home to Sea World?? Is she Shamu???....and I agree that this ending would be cool, like big FU to the crowd...

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 9:28 a.m. CST

    Dead Man

    by PacinoHatersGoHo

    I believe the quote is "Stupid fucking white man". Nobody (aka He Who Talks Much, Saying Nothing) doesn't suggest that white people are crazy, but merely stupid.

  • People are saying the girl sees the guy in the truck and screams thinking he's on of the monsters and goes back into the woods because he's black (or at least, not white, maybe he IS the Night cameo). Well if she's blind, how would she know he's not white? Is that one of the three twists, that she can see after all? Or is he driving by and she HEARS the truck and runs away? I'm arguing sure, but I think something's missing even from what Mori gives us about the "surprise." That said, I REALLY HOPE THIS IS A JOKE!!! It sure sounds like a joke anyway, practically LAUGHING at you by the end as if to say "you actually BOUGHT this shit? HAH!" It just sounds so cheap...such a half assed Planet of the Apes ending, almost as bad as the remake's Ape Lincoln ending. Oooh, they were in OUR time all along! Scaaaary...if this was the fucking '60s!! Well, maybe it's not supposed to be scary, maybe it's supposed to be funny, maybe the whole thing will be played like an all out comedy. It's got Ashton Kutcher in it for god's sake! Given what else Mori says, it doesn't sound like the movie before the twist works either, which would have been my hope--surprise endings only work at the END after all and not as a spoiler. Or maybe this was just an early draft. Yeah...maybe...but damn

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 10:34 a.m. CST

    M. Night

    by Renata

    Doesn't this guy essentially do two hour versions of classic TWILIGHT ZONES? And weren't those old episodes at their best better than anything he's ever done?

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 10:37 a.m. CST

    The new title should be "Timmy and the Clonasaurus"

    by Big Bad Clone

    I kind of dig that set up about the colors and "the ones we don't speak of"...

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 10:46 a.m. CST

    gee

    by ZO

    mortal kombat 3 or an original idea? stop being jealous of night

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Hey dopes, the whole truck thing...

    by MiserableRainGod

    ...is just a metaphor for a weak, cliched, downright crappy ending; Moriarty is saying that the ending is just a brush off. Like in Holy Grail when everyone gets arrested (except there it's supposed to be funny, and it is). Just a dismissing of the whole thing. Harry and Moriarty often write in metaphor. Moriarty does give us another clue to the ending, a REAL clue. He says that the movie becomes anti-capitalist at the end. I haven't been able to interpret that; that is, I have no guess to the end of the movie. It isn't a guy in a truck delivering that line, though! (Though it may actually be that we see it's really modern times or a future time or something aweful like that, though I like to think it isn't.)

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:11 a.m. CST

    It's so cliche Night, I can't believe it's real

    by MiserableRainGod

    This script, from what Moriarty has written, attempts to exploit everything we know and expect about Night's work, so much so that it can't be him! For example, colors and their thematic meanings. In Sixth Sense it was red for death, in Unbreakable it was purple for Mr. Glass emotional pain/sociopathic tendencies. (anything for Signs? I dunno). Of course we expect some color in The Woods to be important somehow. So what does the fake scriptwriter do? He gives us what we expect, and then some. Same thing with the trick ending. We expect 1, so in the fake script it gives us 3. Of course, the color ideas and the twist ideas are pretty bad; but the fact that they're there just "Feels like Night." Night is full of himself, as watching any deleted scene's commentary will tell you, but he's not so stupid as to drop all the subtely from his work to ensure we "get it." So either this script is (a pretty stupid idea, because it's generating a lot of negative press) or Night is a real idiot.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:38 a.m. CST

    Mori do you respect yourself in the morning?

    by Sheik Yerbouti

    I don't mean this as a knock, but rather as a challenge. I hate the way you have to pre-empt your negative review, of what sounds like a car wreck of a flick, with an apology to the expected criticism you will receive. Grow some balls dude, you don't have to play to this crowd, any self-respecting reveiwer has to be somewhat arrogant becuase they are giving their opinions as important critiques of something abstract. So there is always going to be dissention and those who don't share your view, so what. I just think it is sad that you and Harry have go into reveiws lately treading lightly for fear of a geek revolt, screw us! We'll come back, as long as you pump us with spoilage and SW,LOTR, and other geek fodder, we always return. Now occasionally you are going to say something so profoundly absurd that you will deserve to be ridiculed, but for Allah's sakes take it like a man and just hold your head high like any other self respecting movie reviewer a@%hole. Harry could definetely take this tact as well. Never apologize, take no crap, and remember..."There is no mercy in this DOJO!"

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:48 a.m. CST

    Wasn't "The Woods" a Black movie?

    by Silver Shamrock

    Oh well. 38 more days till Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. 38 more days till Halloween. Silver Shamrock!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Lost In Translation: The Best Film I have seen so far this year.

    by MentallyMariah

    I absolutely adore this film and carry it around on my sleeve. Yes, It's slow, but then again, sitting around a hotel room, lost and bored in a foreign country isn't exactly wire work or Freddy vs Kelly Rowland material either...the fact that this movie was hypnotic in a sense where I felt like I was there with them, and also the fact that the two main charecters really connected was very sweet and touching...The "SASULITO" moment was very funny also to those who got the joke and Sofia injected the film with a Etheral Mix of Dream Pop Tunes that set the mood...I loved the usage of Peaches "Fuck the Pain away" in the strip club...The couple in front of me who brought 4 of their kids( ages 5-8 ) MUST HAVE BEEN CRINGING BIG TIME!! Funny but also really Sad...

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:52 a.m. CST

    is it just me?

    by trkane

    i didn't think signs had a 'twist' ending. in sixth sense, we assume the whole time that bruce is alive, etc, and thats why its such a shock when we learn otherwise. its not like anyone assumed, in signs, that water could never hurt an alien. i mean, it was unlikely (the dude who posted earlier about the cut scene detailing how the invasion was a last ditch effort would explain this though), and damn coincidental considering that m. said it in his cameo, and the girl had her water-leaving-around fetish, but thats still no twist. oh, and the kid having an asthma atack at just the right moment, is that a twist? NO! its just the ending folks, the climax, if you will. signs had no twist, just a cool ending to a cool movie. and i agree that "crazy white people" would be a killer ending for the woods. i love it. p.s. you want to see a pretty good twist ending, rent arlington road (but be ready for sort of a bore fest, until that twist ending).

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Haley Joel Osment looks like he has DOWN SYNDROME in SecondHands

    by MentallyMariah

    This kid is just plain creepy and ugly! His face looks scary now that he is growing, A CROSS BETWEEN DOWNS AND BOTOX!!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:56 a.m. CST

    Signs doesn't have a twist ending

    by BankyFan

    And the person who said so was right.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Overated my ass!

    by Guy Lime

    There's not many directors today who can make a film with as much quality as M. Night. I refuse to believe that is the actuall script, and I think it's premature and irogant to attack something with so little evidence of its authenticity. There's no argument when it comes to M. Night's ability to direct. Have you watched his character development; or how the majority of acting in his film is non-verbal. Who's doing what he's doing and as good as he's doing? Not many. Perhaps you M. Night haters should get off of your McG films and see some realy quality movie making!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:02 p.m. CST

    Can you just post the twist ending spoiler and be done with it?

    by FluffyUnbound

    Damn it.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Signs' twist ending

    by MiserableRainGod

    I agree, there isn't one. I don't think there's any special meaning in color in that one, either.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:03 p.m. CST

    Night is waaay over-rated

    by Johnny Storm

    Although Night would love for people to think Sixth Sense was his first film, it was actually his third. Preceding it was "Wide Awake" starring Rosie O'Donnell. I'm not taking anything away from Sixth Sense--it was a great film--but since then he has been trying to copy that same formula ever since. Ever notice how Unbreakable and Signs have identical pivotal scenes? In both movies we flash back to a horrible car accident that changed everyone's life. Is there a horrible carriage accident in The Woods?

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Having trashed M Night's screenplay, so well...

    by elzupa

    The stuff you're writing just now must be fucking fantastic!!! Did you even give a moments thought to comparing the stuff you are (co-) writing just now and then decide that it is still superior to what M Night has written? From the other reviews, it sounds like you are all of the same mind. But you as a budding writer, don't you are the last person who should be reviewing other people's screenplays? Y'know, conflict of interest and all that? Better still, let's have M Night review your shit and see what he thinks...

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Signs ending - no twist, maybe, but

    by squidman

    it did have a meaning. At least, I thought it did. I always thought that the point of the movie was Gibson's character losing his faith, and regaining it. I felt that he was always a little bitter at the fact that he dedicated his life to serving "God" and has received nothing but grief for his efforts; wife hit by truck, son with asthma. I guess I saw it as a "God works in mysterious ways" kind of thing. You know, his son had asthma for a reason - so he wouldn't inhale at that exact moment when the alien sprayed his poison mist, kind of like him having asthma was part of God's plan that we don't fully understand until we're meant to. I COULD BE WAY OFF, HERE, so just relax, everyone. I'm not a Churchy McChurch religous guy, I just thought that the aliens worked as an interesting tool in testing a pastor's faith. I'll still see the WOODS, regardless. Squidman

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:25 p.m. CST

    SIGNS was a disappointment to some of us, Mori...

    by empyreal0

    The ending was wrapped up in a nice tight little bow, true, so that shows the good storytelling sense M Night is known for... but it was based on a hugely illogical premise. Signs went beyond suspension of disbelief to complete idiocy with the water thing. Basic science here, people. People are 90% water, the earth's atmosphere is full of water, and we're supposed to believe it's like acid to these creatures who want to come here to harvest and EAT us? I'll be the first to say that thematically he hit the ball out of the park, but he nailed the billboard and dropped it into the outfielder's glove when he used the old "water on the mantlepiece" gimmick. As for The Woods, it sounds like an M. Night premise. It sounds like folklore with New Age sentiments, put into a suspense setting, yes. So quite possibly THIS IS the story he intends to tell us. I'm only hoping it's an early draft. Or maybe he's just run out of steam. Maybe M Night can only replay the same formula so many times before he's run out. Maybe M Night just wasn't prepared for the kind of popularity he's received and the limelight's making him wither a bit. I think it's high time he changed his tune and started doing a different kind of film because he's starting to resemble a one-trick pony. Artistically, this can't be good for him. I'll go see The Woods, but I don't have the highest hopes.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:26 p.m. CST

    Big surprise. Moriarty didn't like Unbreakable, either.

    by Mosquito March

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:30 p.m. CST

    empyreal0: You're wrong.

    by Mosquito March

    The water is set up early on by the little girl as being CONTAMINATED. That's why the water hurts the alien invaders, and that's why they get the fuck out of Dodge. It's all right there in front of you, man.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:40 p.m. CST

    Night needs to do what Spielberg used to do...

    by Hobbitastic

    M. Night Shyamamlan is definitely the heir apparent to Spielberg the producer/director, there is no doubt about it. 6th Sense, Unbreakable, and Signs were all brilliantly directed. But Spielberg realized that he couldn't write every one of his movies, even if he came up with the story. Close Encounters had several script doctors, none of which got credit; Spielberg gave the story for The Goonies to Chris Columbus, who was a great writer once upon a time. Night needs to give his stories to other, better screenwriters. His shortcomings (few they may be) as a screenwriter hold his films back somewhat. But he can get away with it because of his directing skills.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 1:51 p.m. CST

    to squidman

    by MiserableRainGod

    I agree with you completely about Signs, what M. Night's message was. It certainly was a movie about, "the Lord working in mysterious ways," and the point of it was, as you said, Mel Gibson's character losing then regaining his faith. Personally, I enjyed the movie alot but thought that Night was a little too preachy. He could have been more subtle.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:04 p.m. CST

    Hobbitastic, you're absolutely right. Mosquito.... not so sure

    by empyreal0

    MosquitoMarch, I'm not so sure where you got the "contaminated" idea... perhaps from the little girl leaving the glasses of water around the house. I haven't seen the movie in a while so maybe I missed something, but I certainly don't recall anything being particularly wrong about the water, except that she didn't like to touch it after a few sips. What exactly contaminated it? Her saliva? Free-floating microorganisms? It surely wasn't a deliberate contamination. By the alien's violent reaction to the water at the end, it had to be something pretty potent, don't you think? Whatever it was, it would have to be either an inherit part of the girl's physiology or of the earth's atmosphere, and it strikes me as a hugely stupid miscalculation on the part of the aliens. Come to a toxic planet and eat toxic creatures. You'd think they would know better if they've been staking things out for a while. *** Hobbitastic: Speilberg's decision to allow input into his scripts is part of his brilliance. Nobody can keep up a blistering pace like his or M Night's on their own, and it was wise for him to pass the torch and do what he knows best. Hopefully, if this script is anything close to reality, Night will take a hint and let someone else in on the writing for once. I like his movies - they show a brilliant sense of storytelling and clever thematic arcs, but they're wearing thin. Fresh input will keep him on top.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:06 p.m. CST

    to Mosquito March

    by MiserableRainGod

    I don't think the water was actually contaminated. The girl's little eccentricity about water was just another piece of the "God works in mysterious ways" puzzle. Remember, the aliens seemingly stayed away from all bodies of water on the planet, not just the water that came out of Mel's tap. And who's to say that he didn't have a Brita water filter, anyway, to keep out any microbes? Who knows why water was anathema to these guys. While I find the water thing a little far-fetched, I can cite a few times in sci-fi where creatures and water don't mix. The first, and most obvious, is in Dune. Water is poisonous to sandworms, but they still love to eat people. Then, there was an old X-Files episode where one of the aliens was an ammonia dwelling life form which had no problem living off the thyroid glands of many characters during that episode. And, of course, there is the Wicked Witch of the West. We all know what water did to her. ;) Maybe the aliens in signed were jerky-lovers. Who knows. The movie didn't go into it, it wasn't what the movie was about. My point is that if you're gonna watch sci-fi, you have to be prepared to suspend disbelief.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:07 p.m. CST

    (Cough) ahem......

    by comababy

    Has no questioned the validity of the village. Perhaps it's a ghost village. A bit like Brigadoon.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:19 p.m. CST

    RE:BULLs

    by johne5

    Bulls are colorblind. Duh.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:25 p.m. CST

    miserable r.g.

    by trkane

    speaking of sci-fi films where people react badly to water, let's not forget unbreakable - bruce's character's weakness is water. this makes me think m. night is either running out of ideas, or he just really enjoys using the same themes in multiple movies (car accident flashbacks, water-allergies, clear meanings for certain colors, philadelphia...).

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:33 p.m. CST

    Miserableraingod

    by empyreal0

    True, the movie didn't go into WHY the water caused such a problem for the aliens. I just happen to think it also left itself wide open because of that, going well beyond what I personally would consider a reasonable suspension of disbelief. It hurt my moviegoing experience for what was otherwise a very well crafted story. I do agree with you as to the theme and message of the movie, which Night played out fantastically well without resorting to too much preaching. Everything that happened to Gibson's character had a purpose. (Gibson, whose devout Catholicism has recently come under heavy scrutiny, seems in retrospect now to be interesting and almost ironic.) Anyhoo, enough ranting. I'm just hoping for the best with The Woods.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:42 p.m. CST

    Loved Unbreakable, liked Signs and Sixth Sense a lot

    by neovsmatrix

    But I'm not interested in the Woods. I heard it was supposed to be a love triangle of some sort amidst some mythical creatures or whatever, and from the way the cast list looks, it seems that there WON'T be a focal character in the group. It seems very likely this is the real deal, although possibly very preliminary at that. And it would make sense for Shyamalan to fall into this pitfall now since he's dealing with so many big names in the cast. I just hope the Woods is a success and that Shyamalan gets the clout needed to do the sequel to Unbreakable, that I've heard he had plans for. That's the only project I'm anxiously anticipating.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 2:44 p.m. CST

    Saw Signs at the cinema about half an hour after watching Battle

    by Psychonaut

    ...and it left no impression on me whatsoever. I'm not saying it was a bad film (though the aliens weren't scary enough), but I was so numbed by Battle Royale, that Signs just passed me by completely. On another topic, has anyone noticed that the plot of Scarface is almost completely identical to that of Macbeth? All it needs is some witches and it would qualify as a re-make. Still a great movie though.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:10 p.m. CST

    Signs - stupidest sci-fi since Plan 9 From Outer Space.

    by Fatal Discharge

    How that screenplay was even considered good is beyond me. Here's some obvious tips to aliens before they try to invade a planet: check if a planet's environment (water) is hazardous to your health, make sure you bring a more powerful weapon other than gas coming out of your finger, if you can't break your way out from behind a wooden door or beat humans in hand to hand combat maybe you should rethink an invasion.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:16 p.m. CST

    Oliver Stone

    by Truman_Burbank

    "Oliver Stone was at his most manic and excessive when he wrote this"... I assume you're talking about his writing only, because Natural Born Killers was and is one of the most manic and excessive films ever made.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:44 p.m. CST

    Squidman, you are right on the ball

    by Lost Skeleton

    M Night is a storyteller that uses the pull of sci-fi and horror to drag you in to his real intention- to tell a story about dramatic themes. Sixth Sense wasn't really a horror film, it was about love (His wife's love for him and the mothers loving bound with her son and the unresolved issues with the mother and the grandmother). Signs was about a preacher who loses his faith and how GOD uses seemily unrelated events to force people to trust and believe in him. Unbreakable was about honor and faith in one self to do amazing things. To overcome adversity to become something greather than onself. To be heroric and the qualities that define a hero. Most people who didn't like Signs seem to focus on the science-fiction, which is not relevant to a M. Night story. (Why would Aliens who are afraid of water come to a planet that is 90% water) You see, these guys miss the point. M Night used a campy 50's style sci-fi movie to tell the real story. Yes, Signs is a campy and ilogical sci-fi movie (it is supposed to be) but it is a brillant story about faith if there ever was one. This script may be real. If so, it sounds like M. Night is examining "fear" and how love can overcome fear. One thing strikes me as interested, if this script is real, and that is the colors. Red is associated with Communisim. The villagers fear the "bad color" red much like Americans in the 50's feared the Communist (Mori did say that the movie becomes anti-capitalist). I would say that the yellow is used to keep the reds out. Yellow probably signifying peace or something to that effect. You see, Americans once had a irrational fear of Communist and Communisim (or maybe justifiable fear) that sort of resembles what is going on in the Woods. If that is so...the crazy white people comment probably makes sense. White Russia or White America often had their hand in everything in order to balance power off each other while the third world (nations populated by brown people) were either fucked with or ignored. Oh well, I'm probably completely wrong but just my thoughts on this one.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 3:45 p.m. CST

    CONSPIRACY against Shyamalan

    by scum_buster_onit

    Shyamalan is in serious trouble! There are some people (especially jews after that 'The Next Speilberg' coverstory), those not only want to see Shyamalan miserably fail but actually ARE planning his downfall. This FAKE script circulation with immaculate timing (just when WOODS anticipation was building up) is one fine work of their conspiracy. As MORARITY pointed out himself,

  • Thsi guy wished he had that power and "freedom". I mean M Night has done so much at a young age while Moriarty has sold only one script? Lets read his script and see how good it is.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 4 p.m. CST

    M. Night Shyamalan and the International Jewish Conspiracy

    by FrankCobretti

    Just when you think you've heard it all. Somebody get the John Birch Society on this, stat!

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 4:33 p.m. CST

    Scum Buster you make me laugh...

    by Sheik Yerbouti

    Your insanity is funny to me because you are a stranger, the story of your life is strange and mysterious and makes me laugh cause its not me who is slowly sinking into the bowels of a red nightmare, it is you! By the way, say hi to the rabbit and the talking doorknob as you fall down that hole.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Scarface

    by Anomaly

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5 p.m. CST

    Best...........Movie.............Ever!

    by Anomaly

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5:12 p.m. CST

    Shyamalan is the man.

    by Kanyn22

    Signs was fantastic, don't take the film more seriously than it takes itself. Signs is cool because while being effectively scary in a fun way it maintains some real weight and sincerity. It's not as serious as 6th Sense or as stoic as Unbreakable, it's not meant to be. All 3 films are very different but still have his signature all over them. The guy's a genius. If there's anyone in Hollywood who knows what he's doing, it's Shyamalan. By the way, the only meaningful use of color in Signs is the turquoise color which is associated with the late wife/mother, her things, clothes, etc. -But that really only comes across in the deleted scenes. M. Night said on the special features of the Signs DVD that 6th sense, Unbreakable, and Signs 'were' a little similar and considered them a sort of trilogy. He then said whatever he does next will probably be something very different. He's also said, as someone above mentioned, that he didn't want the twist ending thing to become some expected gimmick of his. Based on all that I have to think this script is bogus. Way too predictable for him. Besides, look at the cast. They aren't idiots. They wouldn't walk into a project so obviously cheap. Then again, who knows, Hollywood's pulled out even bigger follys than this could be. But somehow I don't think that's what's going on here.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5:35 p.m. CST

    Signs had the gayest ending of all time.

    by PumpyMcAss

    They took a perfectly thrilling and believable film and gave it the lamest ending in the history of lame endings. Just ruined what could have been a classic. Though if he pulls his head out of his ass, Shyamalan could be our next Spielberg.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5:39 p.m. CST

    matrix trailers!

    by Archduke_Chocula

    officially released TV spots! http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5:40 p.m. CST

    About Signs -

    by neovsmatrix

    I figured the aliens were really demons sent to test people on their level of faith and courage in facing up to things. They had to face both the internal and external conflict, and that's when the aliens would leave. Water really wasn't the aliens' weakness, so much as it was just Graham Hess's solution to eliminating his demons. Basically baptising himself and renewing himself spiritually. On the radio, you can hear a person say they were "lucky" to get away. Based on what Graham said to Merrill in front of the TV, the guy on the radio must not have believed in god, but must have found a way to face his fears and escaped while his family perished. I think Shyamalan's message was people find courage in different ways, some through religion, and some elswhere, but religion is a great crutch that can give you courage. That's why the aliens were mostly repelled in those 3 middle-eastern states, where 3 main religions originated: Christianity, Islam, and Judaism. People flocking to temples also helps give them that courage. The tv broadcaster never says water was the thing that repelled the aliens. I believe it was just whatever worked for the person to face his fear. Hence the words "primitive techniques"

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5:45 p.m. CST

    proof that M. Night is doing something right.

    by soup74

    at least M Night is getting people's attention, good or bad.. mention 90% of other directors and see if you get such a heated debate. as for this script, if it is fake, i really want to read it... it sounds fun.. also i would hope they do make a movie out of it, only because it would really piss off "mom and dad" who went to go see it in an andy kaufman way.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5:47 p.m. CST

    WOODS Twist Ending and all

    by blondeman

    I have to agree with one of the other posters on this board. That line

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 5:58 p.m. CST

    WOODS Twist Ending and all part 2

    by blondeman

    OH, I missed something. I am pretty sure that the movie ends with the Elders stalking the girl in the end now. It would be better. Like she figures out the secret the Elders have been keeping from everyone about what is beyond the barriers of the WOODS, i.e. 20th century civilization. Then she reports back to the one of the Elders and that Elder knows he has to kill the little girl in order to preserve the secret and keep the other villagers unaware. So that would be the second twist. NUMBER ONE TWIST They are in present day. NUMBER TWO TWIST The reason villagers who venture outside of the Woods get killed is not because of some monster it is because the Elders kill them to keep the secret safe. Maybe the Elders even kicked the hell out of that one kid until they gave him brain damage. But rather than kill they let him live since he wasn't making any sense. I still do not know what NUMBER THREE TWIST is....maybe the girl has other special gifts and she wishes the Elders away to a cornfield, I don't know. But I am pretty sure those first two twists are right...

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:06 p.m. CST

    All this discussion of possible twist endings suffers from not b

    by Psychonaut

    Well someone had to say it...

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Kanyn22

    by Ribbons

    Masked and Anonymous. That is all.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:15 p.m. CST

    Twist Ending

    by Ribbons

    I don't know, if you piece together everything implied in Moriarty's review and some of the prescient conjectures offered up by other talkbackers, it would make sense to hear some trucker say "crazy fucking white people" at the end. I'm seriously hoping this is not the movie Shyamalan is making, but I doubt that anyone would have written so elaborate a fake review. Sure, it's possible, and in an industry full of deceit, it's even plausible, but it's more plausible that no one has the time on their hands to craft so meticulous a red herring. Then again, the "one script" that's guarded almost as tightly as the Constitution certainly seems to be making the rounds, so who knows?

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Oops

    by Ribbons

    Fake script, not fake review. Sorry

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Create your own twist ending here . . .

    by grisscoat

    Here's a cool trick you can do at home with just about any film. Imagine that in the very last scene the main characters eyes flickers bright red in a supernatural way. It changes the whole film. See, the ending of Being There makes sense now, doesn't it?

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Bruce Willis is really a ghost, Samuel Jackson is the bad guy, t

    by PlantBoy!

    Unbreakable had a cop-out ending. I hate the Psychosis Loophole that "explains" totally irrational behavior in a character. "I was really absorbed in comics and pissed off that my bones are so brittle, so I must become some stupid arch-villain. And even though an infant could kick my brittle ass, there must be some really strong guy who could really REALLY kick my ass, and *that guy* should be my enemy!" Lame. Signs was at least a little better. RE: The Woods, since it takes place around the usual Philly setting, it's obviously going to be a bunch of white people living in West Philly. The guy who says "Crazy fucking white people" is Allen Iverson, and he busts a cap in someone's ass. Then Kobe Bryant (supposedly from the Philly area) comes out of the woods and rapes the blind girl, then claims it was "consensual" sex.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:50 p.m. CST

    To repeat, "Crazy fucking white people"

    by PimpeeMcGee

    Wait, so they are all secluded religious fundamentalists who think construction workers are monsters? Brilliant, Hollywood's golden boy has done it again! Sounds almost as hilarious as Ernest Borgnine's hobo killin grin in Aldrich's Emperor of the North. I suggest you youngsters check that film out, it has Borgnine as a hammer carryin' hobo-hating train conductor versus Lee Marvin as the grizzled hobo. Anyway, I think the script is fake, because even idiots won't swallow that crap.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 6:59 p.m. CST

    The Twist

    by Peter Venkman

    My guess is that the monsters in the surrounding woods are actually Native Americans and the fear of the "savages" keeps the town secluded from the rest of the world.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 7:26 p.m. CST

    As much as I hate to say it, I think the construction worker gue

    by FluffyUnbound

    The red X's on the doors are spray paint. Think condemnation/surveyors marks. But DAMN IT MORIARTY. You run a spoilers site. You think the script is fake anyway. So you have a script you think is fake and you run a spoilers site, and you WON'T TELL US THE DAMN SPOILER? Tell us the damn spoiler.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 7:38 p.m. CST

    M. Night doesn't lie

    by Ethan_hunt

    Here's the thing. With all of the tag lines and story lines of M. Night's films, he never really lies. The offical plot description of this film says "set in 1897, "The Woods" tells the story of a close-knit community with a mythical race of creatures residing in the woods around them." I don't remember M. Night really lying to us to get us looking in a different direction in his previous movies. He didn't tell us that Bruce Willis was alive in the Sixth Sense. He didn't tell us Samuel L. Jackson was the villain beforehand. He doesn't do that. He's not going to get us purposely looking in one direction, only to trick us. That's cheap and I don't see him doing it. Either this script is a fake, or we are all reading way to much into Mori's review. I personally don't think Mori gave away everything. I've read other script reviews that are similar and give away more things. - SPOILER - Lucius wasn't an elder in the other review I read. He was curious and actually went into the woods to defy the rest of the towns people. Ivy loves him and that's why she goes into the woods. Not because she's sent, she goes on her own. Also, Lucius doesn't love her because she's blind. She begins a relationship with the mentally challenged boy. - END SPOILER - Having said that, it seems there are two different scripts for this movie being reviewed. Back to my original point, I don't think Shymalan would tell us people are living in 1897 around a woods consisting of a mythical race of creatures if he didn't mean it. I mean think about it, all he told us for the Sixth Sense was that H.J. Osment saw dead people. We just didn't realize the dead person he saw was Bruce Willis. The same goes for his other films. He doesn't lie to us. I think we're guessing wrong. Maybe after reading the script or seeing some of the movie the twist ending can be seen from a mile away, but I find it hard to believe it's as simple as some of the guesses being made on Mori's review. Here's hoping I'm right.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 7:40 p.m. CST

    i agree with fluffy

    by soup74

    yeah, i agree, at least tell us if were correct mori, i dont think it would piss anyone off anymore for giving spoilers, we've already assumed (correctly) the ending, and we know you want to talk about it as much as we do.. so throw on a spoiler warning and tell us what happens.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 7:44 p.m. CST

    MiserableRainGod: Shove your water filter, you condescending pri

    by Mosquito March

    If you'd actually READ my post, you'd recognize that I am not the one that has problems with "suspension of disbelief". The people bitching about the silliness of aliens running away from a water planet are the ones who can't seem to enjoy their science fiction. My post simply stated that the Earth's water is contaminated. Within the confines of the story, there's more than enough reason to believe it. If the girl says it isn't clean, refuses to drink it, and aliens from space react to it like they're being hit with acid, then the contaminated water theory is just as viable as the germs are in WAR OF THE WORLDS. Fuck you.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 9:34 p.m. CST

    Cant we all just get along . . .

    by grisscoat

    Can't we all just get a long stick and beat the hell out of Moriarty with it until he tells us how this thing ends? Geesh.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 9:38 p.m. CST

    The REAL twist ending.....

    by Purple Toupee

    The "creatures" are really dogs. The villagers can't wear red because the dogs will think that they are fire hydrants, and therefore piss all over them. They wear yellow so that the "creatures" think they have already pissed on them. The second twist is that dogs are color blind, and therefore it nullifies the first twist. The third twist is that despite all the hatred of M., everyone involved with this talkback will pay $9.50 to see it.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 10:36 p.m. CST

    I loved the Secret Lives of Altar Boys!

    by HardcoreRocker

    Almost as much as I loved the Dangerous Lives of Dentists. www.rockithardcore.com

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 10:39 p.m. CST

    The water thing is defendable, you know.

    by SpacePhil

    The aliens having a weakness against water might have been a deliberate symbolic point. You're right, humans are 90% water -- so if the aliens are weak against it, that means they aren't. Suggestion being that the aliens are the ultimate and mysterious 'other,' being different from humanity in every concievable way, straight down to the molecular level.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 11:51 p.m. CST

    The Twist

    by GDM

    What if the creatures are cars. What if there's a roadway on the other side of the woods. What if the elders observed these 'creatures' to see how they behave? What would they learn? Well, for one, no cars will stop wherever you have some yellow paint on the side of the roadway (tow away zone). This could be why yellow is the safety color because cars keep away. And cars always stop at stop signs which are red. So they equate red with making cars stop. So red is a bad thing because they want the cars to keep on going past. I still can't imagine this would be the actual twist though. Then again, I thought for sure the early reviews of SIGNS were just red herrings and that the *REAL* movie would be great. Man, was I wrong about that.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, midnight CST

    The Twist - part II

    by GDM

    And here's the rest: Generations ago a community of people seeking to escape the overly capitalist trappings of the modern world create an isolated little community deep in the woods. Eventually, all knowledge of the 'outside world' is lost and all that the newer generations know is their own isolated little community. However, over the years, the modern world begins to encroach closer and closer to their isolate little community. That's then the elders first spot the encroaching roadways and the strange creatures that travel apon them. Maybe one of the elders is killed by a car which leads them to regard these strange creatures as dangerous. Once again, this would really suck if this were true. Please let it be something, anything else.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 12:06 a.m. CST

    Well....

    by misterWINKIE

    When is M. Night going to make my DAMN Chupacabra movie...that would kick ass....:-)

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 12:42 a.m. CST

    don't buy it

    by mr. smith

    not for a minute.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 12:43 a.m. CST

    M. Night doing SUPERMAN?

    by DarthHomercles

    FilmForce is reporting this rumor. What do Harry's spies say? What? Nothing? Because this site makes everything up or reports old news? Okay.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:21 a.m. CST

    man, this guy's movies are ass

    by eau hellz gnaw

    complete garbage. shyamalan should thank his lucky stars for low american cinematic standards.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:39 a.m. CST

    am i the only one that saw signs?

    by MiltonWaddams

    that shit was unwatchable. painful dialog, HORRIBLE twists. it's not a good twist that the kid is wierd with water and then water kills the aliens. that's not a twist. that's just stupid. ugh, crappy movie.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 3:01 a.m. CST

    misterWINKIE: I'd love to see a Chupacabra movie, starring Miche

    by Mosquito March

    ...as the Chupacabra.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 3:13 a.m. CST

    eau hellz gnaw: Define your standards, please.

    by Mosquito March

    If M. Night Shyamalan's work is garbage, whose popcorn movies should we be watching, instead?

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 3:32 a.m. CST

    Well said Elzupa...

    by Cadillac Jones

    ...except...well...I don't think M. Night has much time on his hands (or perhaps he doesn't wish to soil them?) on "Mortal Kombat 3." Do people still even care about these games? DONKEY KONG RULES! So getting back on track - I agree - let's see you hand M. Night your script for Mortla Kombat 3 *snicker* and see what he thinks? It's only fair...

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 4:54 a.m. CST

    M. Nigth should direct EPISODE 3

    by Judge Doom

    This way we would have a decent twist in the end...Like Obi Wan was really son of Watto and Chewbacca, or something. And Bruce willis could be Darth Vader.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 5:05 a.m. CST

    Hasn't M. Night seen...

    by You'reSupercool

    ...The Truman Show? Kind of the same idea if you think about it. Except the "twist" of the main character's world being a world away from the world they think it is is just the starting point for the story. Not the end.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 6:35 a.m. CST

    Whiz-Bang!

    by Ribbons

    Even though Shyamalan vowed to bstain from "twists", at least for a while, I think that his whole "formula to success" thing gets the better of him everytime an idea starts kicking around. 'SIGNS' didn't really have a twist, although it did have a Big Reveal, but finding out that the 1897 villagers are all just a bunch of crazy fucking white people would be a pretty big one. He's good at making popular movies, but if he didn't rely so much on giving the audience a gutpunch, people would probably be more forgiving of his style.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 9:20 a.m. CST

    ending

    by ilikebatman

    if sigourney weaver is in it, that means the mythic creatures are actually the aliens.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 9:42 a.m. CST

    Scarface Boxoffice

    by RenoNevada2000

    According to BoxOfficeMojo.com, SCARFACE had the 2nd highest per screen average with $17,692, only being beaten by BUBBA HO-TEP with an average take of $21,250 per screen. Compare that with the rather horrible #1 film UNDERWORLD's average per screen gross of $7,547. SCARFACE and BUBBA HO-TEP need, nay deserve, to have bigger releases!

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 10:32 a.m. CST

    Mosquito March

    by MiserableRainGod

    You're not a very smart person. Half of what I wrote to you was agreement. Empyreal0 was saying that the water thing was stupid. You told him it wasn't, becuase of microbes and such. I agree with you, there are many reasons why the water would be bad to the aliens. However, I disagree with you that it was contaminents in the water. I don't think there's any reason for us to believe that the little girl is anything more than a weird little girl. I think that water itself, in it's liquid form, is what is dangerous to the aliens - not a contaminant a la War of the Worlds. Why should we believe that the little girl is some kind of alien-poison detecting mutant? Please. She was just a little weird, as all little kids are. And by the way, the method of the defeat of the aliens wasn't the important thing. This wasn't a movie about fighting aliens. It was a movie about how the alien invasion helped this small, insignificant group of people grow. The way the aliens got beat isn't important! So let it go. And in closing, following in the really grown-up spirit of the conversation you've set up...fuck you too.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 10:53 a.m. CST

    the end of the movie

    by fainting_goat

    The last scene will play out like this... In the last reveal, a character will mention the red X's... Then M. Night will cut to a flashback of a construction worker spray painting a door with a red x, set for demolition. Then they'll mention the creatures... and in another flashbackn we will see the silloutte of a creature, and M. Night will push in on it, to reveal a man on a small bulldozer... Then they will mention the little blind girl being chased, and M. NIght will cut to the little girl being chased by guys on ATC's, but she runs somewhere they can't reach her, and escapes... They sent her out on purpose because she can't see the truth. Bleh.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 11:15 a.m. CST

    You're wrong about the twist

    by MiserableRainGod

    Hey there. Many talkbackers are assuming that the twist is that the events of the film are in a modern time, and that the monsters are trucks, bulldozers, wrecking balls, caterpillars, etc. However, the whole idea that it was in the future was based off of Moriarty's misleading idea of a guy driving off in his truck. There is no guy in his truck...that was just a metaphor Moriarty was using to say the end is a brush off of everything that came before. Cheap. Stupid. It insults our intelligence. Do not take it literally...there is no truck! And without the truck, there really is no reason to think that there are gonna be construction (or destruction) crews anywhere in this movie. Like someone said, Night doesn't blatantly lie to us to make us look in one direction. He tricks us, which is a different thing. Why assume he's lying here? The film is said to take place in 1897 with mythcal creatures...why assume that thats a lie?? I fear we're all way off base. Moriarty said there are 3 twists in this script, and he implied that they are all relatively the same thing, over and over. Also, the ending makes a few statements against capitalism. I have no idea what it is, but I think we should work from there. There is no truck!

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 11:28 a.m. CST

    Hey Moriarty, tell us what's up with the truck.

    by fainting_goat

    Is it in there, or not?

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 11:54 a.m. CST

    Why no talk Boondock Saints

    by George Newman

    This is an awesome movie with some of the best and most interesting story-telling I've ever seen. This is Willem Dafoe's BEST movie. Harry deosn't have a review of it. It'll be at a film festival in san diego 0ct 4. Go see it if you're there!

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 12:10 p.m. CST

    ROTK trailer description

    by hildebrand

    Head on over to TheOneRing.net for a brief description of the ROTK trailer that will be in front of Secondhand Lions this weekend. Or wait till it hits the web on Monday.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 12:13 p.m. CST

    it was fun reading this talkback

    by McLuvin

    hearing everyone unite to learn what the "twist" is at the end of this movie was like watching a mystery unravel. We got off of the quote "crazy fucking white people" that this is just about an Amish group seperated from the rest of the world by a forest, this all takes place in is present time, there are construction workers (that's why it's safe to wear yellow), and the Elders know about it and kill people (disguised as the 'creatures'). That sounds good, but the reason i don't think this is true is because M Night enjoys the supernatural too much to have it not be real. In all his other movies, there really are aliens, or ghosts, or supermen. To throw away what would be the draw for any repeat business just so it could be like an OuterLimits episode sounds like boxoffice suicide.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 12:16 p.m. CST

    hildebrands right--go to Theonering.net!!

    by McLuvin

    trailer description!

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 12:38 p.m. CST

    The water was clean

    by Shakes

    okay, now i'm getting pissed hearing everyone trying to rationalize that the water in signs was somehow "contaminated". It wasn't. All water killed the aliens. That was the "primitive method" they talked about on the radio. There was nothing particularly wrong with the water in their house. The little girl didn't want to drink it because that's just the type of things little kids do, no reason behind it, just like how a kid can taste the difference between water from the bathroom and the kitchen.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 1:11 p.m. CST

    This is great!

    by GDM

    If I go into the theatre expecting to see a movie about mythical trucks driven by yellow-hating black men that are terrorizing a town full of blind and retarded Amish people, then there's NO WAY I'm gonna be disappointed by the real ending. Then again... I can still feel the bitter taste in my mouth from watching SIGNS. And for the record, the whole point of the little girl thinking the water is contaminated is that it provides a reason for her to leave full glasses of water all over the house. That's it! Plain old water is what kills the aliens. What a great concept! Surprised Disney didn't ask M. Knight to make the aliens allergic to Coca Cola instead, that would've been far more believable and would've been a great marketing tie in, just like the Reeses Pieces and ET. I mean does this guy want to be the next Speilberg or not?

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 1:25 p.m. CST

    To GDM

    by MiserableRainGod

    You crack me up.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Moriarty is DEAD!

    by MiserableRainGod

    Hey all. Yesterday Moriarty said he would be posting a DVD article and some other updates (just read his last paragraph)! But he never did...all we've had is a Weekly Recap and some coax news. So, the only explanation is that Moriarty is dead! His friends probably killed him. Anyway, I leave it to you to decide to weep or cheer.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 1:32 p.m. CST

    fake

    by ForceMcCocken

    Why would Night go back and reuse a color scheme, or aim for 3 twists when he already stated he was done with even single-twists? and Red was a cue that things weren't quite right in Sixth sense, not 'bad'. In Unbreakable the primary colors were purple->glass, green->dd Signs i've only seen once, and didn't notice any coloring. If The Woods was to have a color theme, i'd expect orange/brown vs white/blue. (contrast pasture and sky with shadow and wood) Further, I would not call the end of Unbreakable or Signs a 'twist' ending. Those were natural conclusions to the main story arc as they built up. The Sixth Sense was a twist because the bulk of the film is focused on Haley Joel's character arc, and the audience is led to assume that Bruce was just doing his normal job - and then the suckerpunch. In unbreakable there's an air of mystery and subversive intent to the entirety of Sam Jackson's character. The revelation wasn't even surprising. In signs, likewise, the only 'twist' was how cheap and easy the 'solution' to the (excellently built up) alien problem was. but mostly, c'mon - spelling and grammatical errors in a 'leaked' script from a writer whose previous scripts show no such sloppiness? you shouldn't have even bothered to review it.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 1:33 p.m. CST

    MikeSal222

    by The Llama

    Then it's a good thing he didn't describe "Signs" as a modest success, isn't it? Try reading what he actually wrote...

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:01 p.m. CST

    Someone beat you all to the twist

    by Norton I

    Someone posted the "modern day twist theory" over on The Woods IMDB board over a week ago. This is all old news.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:06 p.m. CST

    Mixed message

    by Norton I

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Mixed message

    by Norton I

    Okay, I'll give all this the benefit of the doubt. Suppose the twist is that its modern day. Then what is Night trying to say? His films seem to always have some spiritual, pro-faith message. I can't see that here... Let me put it another way... Mori said it was anti-capitalist, so that suggests that the modern world beyond the woods is evil, right? But what of the village whose elders are deceiving their people? Evil too? I would think so. So all this amounts too a very cynical film. Thats just not Night's style.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:46 p.m. CST

    Llama

    by MikeSal222

    Mori edited his review, apparently. Originally it said that Unbreakable and Signs were only modest box office successes. Someone who read the article a few days ago can back me up. Or not, I don't really care. I wasn't drunk or stoned at the time, so I'm pretty sure I'm right. Either way it's not a big deal.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:52 p.m. CST

    Your review of The Woods is a combination of other reviews....

    by stewiegriffin

    ...which have been covered by everyone else and their mothers by now. Since I don't listen to anything you guys say because you've been sooooo wrong countless times about what's supposed to be good or bad, I'll just wait for The Woods to come out and be my own judge.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 2:52 p.m. CST

    Sir Biatch

    by Anomaly

    Amen Brother. Amen. 11/05/03.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 3:02 p.m. CST

    You guys are wrong about the water...

    by Dagan

    It wasn't that the water was contaminated. It was simply water in general. In the movie, Night(the actor), said something like "the way I figure it, none of the signs are really anywhere near water. Maybe they don't like water, so I'm going to the lake. It couldn't be worse than here." Very clear that it's water in general, and not stuff IN the water.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 3:03 p.m. CST

    the water

    by fainting_goat

    Yeah, but what about bulldozers?

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Another thing about the water...

    by Dagan

    Also, people all over the world used this "primitive technique of beating them", which is water. And that's why they left. Again, VERY clear that it is water that hurts them, and not anything specific in the water.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 5:38 p.m. CST

    The epic miscalculation was SIGNS

    by 9000rpm

    After being insulted by Signs, I will never, ever waste my time on another M.Night POS.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 6:06 p.m. CST

    MiserableRainGod: You started it, hammerhead.

    by Mosquito March

    I recognized that you essentially agreed with me - that's why I advised you to direct your corrective tone toward people who needed to hear it. Fuck you again.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 6:24 p.m. CST

    Hasn't anyone here ever heard of "pollution"?

    by Mosquito March

    You knuckleheads keep asking how the water could be contaminated. While scratching your heads over this, huge corporations and governments of all sizes that just don't care are dumping all kinds of toxins into waters that pre-Industrial Age humans could once drink out of without ending up seriously sick, or dying. Now, you go to your local swimmin' hole and get hepatitis, or worse. And, whole species are being decimated as we speak, because we can't live without fucking up our environment. If you don't believe that, I dare you to go take a swim in the East River, or the Potomac, or the Ohio. Fall into a canal in Venice like Katherine Hepburn did for Summertime and get your health fucked up for the rest of your life. Pollution has been a subject of both science fiction and science fact for a very, very long time, and if life on Earth is endangered by its own polluted waters, imagine what it could do to alien biology. And, a PS for the hammerheads: Not only does the little girl say *specifically* that "the water is contaminated", the conspiracy freak in the bookstore agrees with her. There is more than enough reason, within the context of the film, to believe that the water is screwed up, and it stands to reason that aliens might attempt an invasion on a watery planet, and then flee when they actually come into contact with it.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 6:35 p.m. CST

    "Crazy fucking white people..."

    by Uncle Sam

    There is NO WAY that this assmuffin screenplay is the real thing. I know Shyamalan is arrogant, but not to the point of figuratively putting a loaded revolver to his head and thinking "I'm too great to die" before pulling the trigger. And Signs was far superior to The Sixth Sense, by the way.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 6:52 p.m. CST

    Oh yeah, and those Matrix: Revolutions TV spots are tha shit.

    by Uncle Sam

    Especially "Control" and "Power". Jesus Christ, that movie is gonna rule. Its as if the Wachowski brothers said "lets get rid of all this boring dialogue and segway crap in Reloaded, and make Revolutions a 110% hard core cyberpunk epic". Can't wait.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 7:03 p.m. CST

    Mosquito March

    by Ribbons

    While it may be true that virtually all public areas have microbes and such in their water, I'm not sure that they all have the same kinds, if that makes sense. What pollutes a Bucks County reservoir may not be what pollutes the Ganges River. Then again, maybe the all have, essentially, the same problems. You'd probably know more than me. What I'm getting at is this: I think the aliens' weakness was nothing more or less than water. Bo's tic-that's-not-a-tic was almost obsessive-compulsive, and even she knew that it was irrational: she cannot drink the water because it's contaminated but her dog can because "it sniffs its own butt." The discussion at the book shop was less about revealing that another person could be persuaded into thinking there were amoebas in the drinking supply and more about revealing that her quirky pickiness with water was something she'd had her whole life, imbued in her by God, as it were. Plus, she always finds different reasons for abandoning her glass of water after a couple of sips: being contaminated, having a hair in it, tasting yucky, and so on. What you're saying is definitely plausible, but I'm not sure it's the case. I still figure Shyamalan would have had maybe another scene in there emphasizing pollutants in the water if they were really to be the invisible killers of all the alien invaders, but I guess it's fair to say I'm a little biased, since I've never looked at the movie that way until you mentioned it as a possibility yesterday. I don't know; in a way, it would make the ending less lame, but imagine the Q&A session: *Fan*: "HEY NIGHT, I LOVED THE SCENE WHERE MERRIL TAKES A BAT TO THE ALIEN AND BURNS IT WITH WATER, IT'S SO POWERFUL!" *NIGHT*: "Well, actually, it's not the water splashing all over that green sucker that's corroding his skin, but microscopic, lead-based microbes that have a volatile reaction when mixed with the cell structure of our baddies, which, using the water as a carrying agent, are also hitting the skin at the same time. Bo talked about the water being contaminated, remember? Well, like I said, one of those contaminants, which is also common enough to thrive in water supplies around the world, was extremely toxic to an alien physiognomy. It's a good thing she watched that episode of 'Dateline' when she was two and got the bejesus scared out of her, no? Ha ha ha...ehhh...but seriously, thanks for the compliment though; I always try to please my fans."

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 7:11 p.m. CST

    ya know what's funny?...

    by MisterGrimloch

    when knuckleheads like Moriarty, or anyone else either posting, or writing for this site (or almost any website, frankly) parade their life before us all in an effort to overcompensate for the fact that, in reality, they are doing nothing particularly interesting or imaginative. i love how there are so many "aspiring screenwriters" in our midsts on this site, be it the main writers (i use the word "writer" very cautiously), or the morons who post endlessly about how "perfect" Peter Jackson's "vision" is, or how they recently were pissed on by Guillermo del Fuckup, or whatever. its a laugh, really, and on top of it all there is a pretense at play that this site is somehow "independent" of influence from the very same suits that have shit all over what genre fans want, deciding most dictatorially that they "know what's best for us all." and ya know what's even funnier than all that? the fact that after typing all this shit, i've forgotten what the hell the topic for this talkback was. oh well, suffice it to say that just about everything presented to us all in the form of music, movies, or literature, is dogshit.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 7:13 p.m. CST

    good lord, how could i forget...

    by MisterGrimloch

    that anything touched by M. Night Shitmalan is garbage. period. this infuriatingly overrated nothing has not churned out one moment of quality in anything he's ever done. good God, what is this world coming to when people actually pay attention to the workings of a loser like him?

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 7:36 p.m. CST

    thank you for restoring my faith in AICN, Moriarty

    by beamish13

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 7:45 p.m. CST

    do you want to learn how to write a twist ending? I'll tell ya

    by beamish13

    Pick up Agatha Christie's THE MURDER OF ROGER ACKROYD. That book exposes some of the most "original" screenwriters of our time to be full of shit.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 7:54 p.m. CST

    elementary...

    by Octaveaeon

    ... my dear Watson. You see, the whole village is dead. But it made a pact, whereby to avoid extinction, they were spared the agony of death and the void afterwards (they lost their faiths- after a tragedy?) but at the price of having to relive the events over and over, as ghosts. They would never realize this reality (their condemned deaths), because everytime the secret was exposed, they would recommence the sequence of events that lead up to the tragic truth. The sequence of events, considering it is the year 1898, could be something with an order of recruitment to aid in the Spanish-American war, and a dissent which ended in bloodshed, with soldiers coming in from the woods (hence the woods as the ur-object of their fear), since then used as the barrier that keeps them away from destruction, and one they should protect. However, things occur this time round, and civilization encroaches (let's say it passes a critical point), the wailing sounds (maybe there is a sound barrier which distorts the noise - sound stupid?... exactly) of the outside world and their accompanying masters has threatened the status quo of their curse (certain characters being the protectors of the secret), forcing some (the secret-holders, some getting greedier) to resort to more drastic measures such as scientific and technological investigations (against their code - maybe it was at the root of their curse) and come up with a means of self-protection... a weapon. Well, this weapon is eventually used on some of the 'monsters' in the woods, which turn out to be people of all kinds that are attracted to the woods (real-estate agents, drunken kids, horny couples, lawyers). Eventually things go wrong, and maybe the retard goes after the girl that 'sees things' (maybe attracted by those curious 'auras'), wandering out in the woods, and eventually breaks their curse, and them in the process too, by accidentally (he is a bit insane in da membrane after all) killing the bitch. You see, killing is not tolerated (hence the aversion to red) because the 'Keepers of the Truth' know this would end the curse (and their hegemony?).End of story. Oh yeah, and that "crazy fucking white people" shit... well, that's M. Night laughing at the studio geniuses for buying this script he turded out one night after eating too much chili con carne.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 8:28 p.m. CST

    FIRST!! no wait....what?

    by Goon Bighead

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 9:17 p.m. CST

    Playing Devil's Advocate

    by Ribbons

    One of the reasons that this script might be fake or the twist has nothing to do with bulldozers is the mention of a scream at the beginning of the movie. I don't know what context the word "scream" is being used in inside the screenplay, but I imagine that for moviegoers who, um, aren't living in 1897, the "otherworldly" sound of machinery would be pretty easy to spot. Maybe the movie does have to do with machinery, but the screams come from something else, as some people have already suggested. The twists people have already come up with sound pretty close to the truth, though, and make a lot of sense. I'm just unsure of how, if this is the real deal, a scream would fit into the arrangements.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 9:21 p.m. CST

    Sound Barrier, eh?

    by Ribbons

    I dunno. Still don't understand how it could sound like a scream, without totally cheating the audience.

  • Sept. 24, 2003, 11:30 p.m. CST

    Was 'Scarface' not one of the coolest movies to see as a teen in

    by mjanerc

    As per any great mob film, the bad guy has to be endearing and this character is just that. When he aborts an assassination attempt because of some children, you get that extra dimension not in a Marty Scorceses flick. Ditto for his relationship with his sister. The only thing Stone has contributed to that i would dare call a masterpiece. Even 'Platoon' doesn't qualify.

  • Sept. 25, 2003, 1:03 a.m. CST

    I KNOW the Twist!!

    by Ribbons

    Okay, here goes: after discovering all of the chickens gone or in pieces at the beginning of the film, our intrepid souls venture off into the woods to find out that the monsters are really....ZEN Chickens? Huh? Huh? These Zen Chickens want to start their own little society, for they feel that the town elders lack the integrity, moral fiber, or ingenuity to maintain a successful one. They will kill off the villagers piecemeal (starting with the other chickens and livestock) and start anew in the middle of the forest, teaching their baby chickens karate and all that good stuff. **** Twist #2: after reporting the news to the elders, they admit that they created the supercool Zen chickens in a foolish attempt to make their fod taste smarter or whatever. **** Twist #3: the blind girl discovers that she has heightened supersenses and goes Daredevil on all the Zen chickens' asses. She then declares herself Kingpin of the village and gifts its denizens with some KFC, Phil Jackson-style. **** Twist #4: As Adrien Brody engages in fellatio with the Daredevil-Wench, we slowly pull out to a mirror. Through some camera trickery, we are given a look into the other side of the mirror. There, we see M. Night Shyamalan, his jacket filled to the seams with money. He is staring at himself in the mirror and masturbating at the same time, all the while repeating, mantralike, the phrase "Crazy fucking white people." "Crazy fucking white people ..... crazy fucking white people ..... crazy fucking white people ..... kiss the money ..... and CUT! SPLOOORRRCHHH!" ******* Fin.

  • Sept. 25, 2003, 11:44 a.m. CST

    Waterboy - wrong again...

    by Dagan

    Your theory is not just stupid and a torturous excercise AWAY from what the movie was obviously saying - it's just WRONG. The Aliens couldn't have "just figured out that something was in the water that hurt them." Because, like Night said in the movie, NONE OF THE SIGNS ARE NEAR WATER. I DON'T THINK THEY LIKE WATER. Very clear that they knew FROM THE START - before they ever landed, that water was not something they wanted to be around. They didn't "come to this planet and then figure out there was something in the water and wanted to leave". That's simply ridiculous. And as for the wife - she wasn't being Opaque - SHE DIDN'T KNOW. She was just saying what came to her, not what she "saw". It was just a part of the big "fate puzzle" that Night was setting up there.

  • Sept. 25, 2003, 12:01 p.m. CST

    Kailem does it again - Revolutions Trailer Description

    by AlwaysThere

    It starts off with a long tracking shot, the camera flying along 3 huge powerlines in the desert of the real which seem to go on forever, before finally going over a rise as we see that they extend for many more miles beyond. Cut to the shot of Neo looking at that huge machine overlord orb-thing that we see in the "Control" spot, only we get more of the start of it, which actually shows that Neo is standing on the edge of some huge ledge or something, looking out over one of the "growing field" as the orb rises up infront of him and says "SPEAK!" ---- Fade to black, voiceover by Neo "The program Smith has grown beyond your control. You cannot stop him, but I can" various shots of Smith are played over the end of this, including the one of Smith stepping into the middle of the long raining street we've seen in the teasers, plus one of him that I'm 99% sure is him sitting at a table with the Oracle (although we don't actually see her), as well as a couple more shots of Smith and Neo standing in the rain that we've seen before. ---- "And if you fail?" the booming voice asks, which now appears to have a "face" of sorts. Cut to the shot of Smith flying through the wall and Neo jumping over him that we've all seen before, then back to Neo, his eyes covered in bandages, the same angle as he says the "Smith" bit before in the "Control" spot. "I won't" he replies, after which we see a "jack spike" enter his head, indicating that he jacks into the Matrix immediately after making this 'deal' with the machines. ---- The green WB/Village Roadshow logos appear, then we get the shot of Trinity from "Help" saying "Do you know what happened to Neo?", then we get a shot of Neo against the white wall of the train station, followed by the one of that huge war machine from the teasers. ---- Oracle voiceover: "He is trapped in a place between this world and the machine world." As she says this we get a shot of Neo sitting up on the train station with the white wall behind him, the little girl (Rama's daughter from the newly released pictures) standing by his side, followed by the first ever shot of 01, standing like a giant castle in the desert of the real, surrounded by growing fields. It looks as though it's made up of huge cylinders, all blueish-red in tone, and appears to be absolutely massive. ---- Fade to white: the shot of Trinity, Morpheus and Seraph descending the stairs into Club Hel that's been shown in many of the teasers plays next and a voiceover by the Merovingian begins. He says "Bring me the eyes of the Oracle and I will give you back your....'saviour'." As he says this we see a new shot of the exiles surrounding Trinity, guns drawn. Then we see Neo standing by a train with Rama and his wife and daughter next to him, the long-haired "Train Man" infront. The Train Man punches Neo in the chest as the family look on, and he goes flying backwards, smashing into the white wall, which breaks on impact (the voiceover is still going on). ---- Cut to the Merovingian sitting on a sofa/seat talking (so the voiceover technically ends here as we see him speaking the res of it), holding a glass of wine very casually, then to Neo on his hands looking to his side (still in the train station, so obviously looking at the Train Man after having been laid into). ---- Lots of Matrix code then flies out from the screen, before cutting to, basically, the exact same opening as the "Enemy" TV spot, with Neo having a jack plug pulled from his head, Smith saying "Mr Anderson" (voiceover the shot of Bane waking up that we've seen before instead of the WB/VR logos though like in the TV spot), then Neo saying "Who are you?!" and which a bloodied Bane/Smith replies "Look past the flesh...(cut to 'burning Smith face')...and see your enemy." ---- Neo - "It's impossible!" then the shot of the dozens of Smith's walking through (we assume) the Oracle's door, before cutting back to Bane with the voice over from him saying "Not impossible - INEVITABLE!" before we once again see the shot of Smith laughing like crazy that we've all seen many times now. ---- Next we get the shot of the APU's (Zion mechs) walking across the dock that we saw in the International Trailer, followed by the two shots of that huge drill falling down and smashing into the ground in Zion from a couple of the new TV spots. While this is happening we hear another voiceover from Commander Lock saying "In less than 12 hours the machines will breach the dock walls", after which we get a low-angle shot of the Zion docks, which are absolutely gigantic, far, far, far larger than we ever saw in Reloaded, and from the very top we can make rubble falling down as the machines try to smash their way through. ---- Cut to a shot of Sentinels swarming through a tunnel towards the camera (one we've seen before in some of the TV spots) and a voiceover from Mifune, who says "If we have to give our lives, WE'LL GIVE 'EM HELL BEFORE WE DO!!!" we cut back to his face as he says the last part and we can see just how determined he is as he defiantly shouts to his men, who we cut to next, all assembled infront of him in their APU's, all cheering and raising their right gun arms up in the air much like the people did after Morpheus' speech in Reloaded. ---- Then we go back to Neo and the shot in which he says "Can Zion be saved?" which, again we've seen recently in the TV spots (can't remember which exactly but you know the shot I mean). Then a shot from behind one of the APU's as it slings it's arms/guns behind it's back, locks in two ammo-belts from its back then brings them round to the front again, followed by a few shots of many other APU's all raising their guns high to the ceiling, ready to open up on whatever is about to break through (the last of which shows Mifune again). ---- Yet another voice over accompanies this, this one again from the Oracle who say "Tonight the future of both worlds will be in your hands; or in his." After the APU's shots are done we see the one of Link and Zee embracing in a huge cavern in Zion that's been shown before, followed by the ones of Smith and Neo on the raining street both clenching their fists, Neo walking along the rows of Multi-Smiths, and that familiar couple of shots; "Mr Anderson welcome back! We missed you." - "It ends tonight." ---- Again the footage we've all seen many times now of the two of them running towards each other at full-force, this time to a new, pounding beat getting faster and faster as they get closer and closer until BOOM! The new trailer music starts. It's sort of like Tarawa in that it's choral and dramatic, but it's definitely nothing we've heard in any of the teasers of TV spots until now. ---- It plays over Neo flipping backwards then kicking off the wall which creates a circular "shockwave"-type effect on the wall, the same couple of shots from the ETM teaser, followed by a shot of Neo and Smith hitting each other in mid-air with a huge bubble-like shockwave emanating out around them and going up the skyscrapers around them (the same shot that's in "Future") and then the "door with loads of dead Sentinels getting blown off its hinges" shot. ---- Cut to a new shot of Neo and Bane grappling over a "lightening gun", swinging it past the camera so that the electricity goes just under the screen followed by the opening shot of "Future" which shows a Club Hel guard flipping upside down in slow-motion onto the ceiling, and after that we see the slo-mo shot of the gun flying up in mid-air over the Merovingian's balcony that's also in "Help", and finally the shot of the Train Man jumping across infront of the "Loop" train. ---- Then we see Morpheus in the real world who says "You've never believed in The One", then to Niobe (also in the real world) saying "I still don't; I believe in him" and then to a shot of Neo hugging Morpheus, which almost looks like a "goodbye" sort of moment to me. A couple more shots of Sentinels swarming through pipelines then a shot of a Zion operator (although not inside a ship) frantically saying "THE DOCK IS BREACHED!", then to Morpheus saying "Here they come." ---- From here it's all-out carnage, loads of shots of APU's blasting away at dozens and dozens of Sentinels which have burst into the Zion docks, a couple of which we've seen in some of the TV spots but mostly new stuff (including a woman firing a double rocket-launcher at some of them), and it all looks very intense indeed and incredibly action-packed. My anticipation for The Siege just went up several more notches I know that! ---- As those shots end a Morpheus voiceover begins saying "Neo is doing what he believes he must do" over a shot from behind Neo of him walking along an all-orange corridor which appears to be part of 01 (leading to the machine overlord?). The final part of the voiceover is said as a shot of Morpheus (in the real world) appears, thus technically ending the voiceover. ---- Cut to a shot of the huge "Maser Cannon" (seen in "Future") blasting away, another shot of Sentinels approaching the camera, then to Trinity in a hovercraft holding Neo's hand (we also see Neo looking at her, without his blindfold or bloodied eyes) saying "If you tell me we'll make it I'll believe you." We then get a shot from outside said hovercraft where we can see it's following the three powerlines towards 01, or what we assume is 01 (it doesn't look like the same citadel we see earlier in the trailer, it's what we all *thought* was 01 in the TV spots). ---- While that shot is showing Neo is saying "We'll make it; we have to." ---- The rest of Morpheus' voiceover then begins again, this time over several shots that we've seen before in many of the TV spots of Neo, blindfolded, reaching out his hand and blowing up some of the Sentinel-like flying machines, with lots of explosions around his hovercraft. Morpheus says: "I don't know what he can do to save us, but I do know that as long as there is a single breath in his body he'll never give up; and neither can we." ---- Something of note in this section is that we can clearly see that it is NOT 01 exploding in a massive fireball as some had speculated, but rather all the machines that were flying towards Neo and Trinity's hovercraft that are blowing up, as Neo reaches out his hand to destroy them. We even see a shot from directly above the craft as it flie through the explosion with lightening or electricity of some sort shooting out from the cockpit and zapping any machines in the way, thus clearing a path through the explosions. ---- Then (while Morpheus' voicover is still going on) we get 2 new shots of The Superbrawl, which show Neo and Smith grappling with each other, twisting and spinning in mid-air against the backdrop of skyscrapers, much like the shot we saw of them grappling in the TV spots but from different angles. After that we see the shot of the Sentinel apparently slamming straight into the cockpit of Neo and Trinity's craft followed by the one of the "orange ghost Sentinel" flying into/through Neo, then a shot of Neo giving the "just bring it" hand motion, the picture for which was released not long ago. ---- And this point Morpheus has reached "he will never give up" and we cut back to him to finish his voiceover off as he says "and neither can we." ---- Finally we have a quick montage of various shots, in this order: The shot of something in the real world exploding (not sure what it is though, we've seen in various teasers before, it's the thing that's blowing up right when "Absurd" starts to play in the ETM teaser), a close-up shot of Trinity hugging Neo, the shot of Smith apparently taking over the Oracle seen as Matrix code, the shot of Smith lifting Neo up inside the crater reaching back to punch him and lastly the infamous "Logos against the blue sky" shot. ---- The title then descends onto the screen in green code, "The Matrix Revolutions" and the trailer ends. ---- All in all it was pretty damn spectacular! November just can't arrive soon enough.

  • Sept. 25, 2003, 1:45 p.m. CST

    Lame

    by Indiana Clones

    Shamylan is a hack who is doing a world-class job of hiding the fact. All he can do is featurelength episodes of the Twilight Zone. Each of his films could lose an hour and they'd be no worse for it.

  • Not to mention the fact that it completely doesn't square with the film itself - THE ALIENS MAKE THEIR "SIGNS" ON THE PLANET ALL AWAY FROM ANY ANY ANY WATER FROM THE START... Hmm...

  • Sept. 25, 2003, 9:11 p.m. CST

    I second that

    by Ribbons

    Like I said in my earlier post, it mos def could be a result of bacteria, but I'm not sure. I've also never heard Shyamalan give a statement like that before, so you'll forgive me if I'm a little incredulous.

  • Sept. 26, 2003, 12:59 a.m. CST

    you dummies...

    by ACanOfTab

    this isn't the real script....christ...

  • Sept. 26, 2003, 3:05 a.m. CST

    Script Review? What about an Emeril Legasse recipe review??

    by Liquid_Daze

    BAMMM!! ps. I'm not sure I got his last name right. Oh well... BAMM!

  • then they must not have looked up in 80 years and noticed all them damn aeroplanes huffing and puffing across the sky! Nah, that can't be the twist. The twist is that they're dead aliens who can't swim, and their archenemy is a black supervillain with his own business fixing windshields ("Mr. Glass: We Fix Shit. Ya Heard!"). And when they venture out of the woods, they find that he's walled them in with giant panes of plate glass and is flooding the woods with water, turning their home into an aquarium. The only one who can help them is a little boy, but he's got asthma and spends his time sucking morosely on an inhaler. Yeah, that's gotta be it!

  • Sept. 26, 2003, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Signs Had Bigger Problems Than The Whole Water Snafu

    by Hiram Abiff

    Even the naked, nearly unarmed aliens were not the biggest stupidity. The whole "everything happens for a reason" premise is actually the biggest flaw, only its presentation is so pat and blandly satisfying that nobody noticed how truly awful it was. You could say that this movie is really about Mel's character and his relationship to Mr. YHVH (aka God). God killed/let be killed Mel's comely wife, who has to suffer on for a bit while pinned to a tree and blubbering mindlessly, mainly so Mel can have a sad scene with her. Mel gets real mad at God and stops speaking to him. Later we find out that God pinned Mel's wife to a tree not only for the pathos involved but also so He could have her tell Mel JUST ONE THING! (The miracle is that he actually remembered this bit of seeming nonsense). You see everything happens for a reason... and that's supposed to make Mel feel better about God's decision to kill his wife! Killed her so she could tell him JUST ONE LITTLE THING? Later -after the film's pat conclusion- Mel becomes even more enraged than ever at God. Couldn't God have passed on the alien busting info some other way? An e-mail perhaps? Mel was a priest so couldn't God just have, you know, TOLD HIM? Or maybe Mrs. Mel could have lived and been there in person to say "Swing Away"! That horrible death was totally unnecessary! Thanks a lot God! If everything happens for a reason... at least have a good bloody reason eh? Think about it won't you? Thank you.

  • Sept. 26, 2003, 12:35 p.m. CST

    dude, what happened to the "daily" DVD column?

    by Tony Mike Hall

    That's what I thought.

  • Sept. 26, 2003, 8:38 p.m. CST

    SCARFACE

    by super Cucaracha

    Nobody better try to remake this masterpiece. I am looking at you Quentin. STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM IT.

  • Sept. 27, 2003, 10:30 a.m. CST

    Hiram Abiff

    by Ribbons

    Good point. I suppose getting an e-mail would remove the conflict from the story though. ;-)

  • Oct. 8, 2003, 8:46 p.m. CST

    Wrong

    by jks

    Ok, no one has posted on this board for days, so I doubt anyone will read this, but I couldn't resist saying something. I think you guys are way off about the twist in The Woods. I think there are two things to consider: A) This might be a fake script (I'm hoping that's it) and B) Let's look at Night's record. Other than the twist at the end, what pattern do you see in his movies? The common trait all his movies share is that he takes a genre/story that has been done to death and reinvents it. Sixth Sense redid the ghost story, Unbreakable put a new spin on superheroes (and these people who bitched and moaned about the end are idiots. The movie was supposed to be like a comic book. The ending, right down to the 'hospital for the criminally insane' was true to the comic book format) and Signs redid War of the Worlds. So we have to think about genres that have been run into the ground. Amish folks find out they're really in modern day? When have you ever seen that movie? No, it's something else. The one I can think of that might fit is the old "town built on an Indian burial ground" thing. Night probably realized that everyone would be trying to figure out the twist ahead of time and typed up some shitty fake one to throw us off. That dialogue certainly didn't sound like him. Dunno. I could be wrong and this could just be a really crappy movie. I hope not. P.S. Assuming for a moment that the script is real and the Amish theory is correct, what's the deal with the skinned animals? Come on, Moriarty, you might as well just tell us how they figure in to the whole thing.

  • Jan. 11, 2004, 2:38 p.m. CST

    Obviously the errors are bad computer scanning...

    by IBL

    There are three things that tell Harry that the "fake" script - The Woods a.k.a The Village is not the real thing. (1)The word F*ck is used in the end of it. (2)There are spelling mistakes. (3)It looks very rought and like it has been quickly written. (1) and (2) and (3) can all be answered very quickly in one statement. This sounds EXACTLY like a first or second draft that has been scanned by a computer. Computers end up doing bad translations and spelling mistakes during this scanning process. The quickly written draft makes absolute sense for someone designing something simple around a TWIST. Just because Disney is producing this does not mean that they would not buy into a script because it has a bad word. That can easily be erased or changed. IMO this does not look good for Night. I believe that a first draft razz-ma-tazz stolen scanned screenplay is now doing the internet circuit. It is probably NOT the FINAL DRAFT that they are working on but the bones of the twist are there. I think the trailer is more than a dead give-away that there are no CREATURES. --- "You are braver than I shall ever know..." I think this is going to be a HUGE problem for the marketing people to contend with. Of course we also have the other fact that people are GUESSING the twist that the ELDERS are faking the CREATURES just based on the trailer alone. That would be Night's kind of bread and butter.

  • April 27, 2004, 11:28 a.m. CST

    why is it

    by kiki370

    that everytime a Shyamalan movie is in the works, fake script reviews abound? I don't even pay attention to them anymore....because I'm confident that Night is going to deliver once again. That trailer was awesome...typical Night....beautiful, creepy, suggestive and suspensful...and the I loved how he highlighted the cast a little bit more. I can't wait to see the footage that they are going to show next week....

  • April 27, 2004, 11:29 a.m. CST

    shoot...wrong thread....

    by kiki370

    that's what I get for getting fired up! :)

  • June 18, 2004, 1:05 p.m. CST

    Instead of the "Crazy fucking white people" ending, Shyamalan sh

    by MastrbatoryStyle

    It's better.