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Capone, Quint and Pyul. Which two ream the soulless cinematic turd called UNDERWORLD and which one kinda liked it'

Hey folks, Harry here... I have zero desire to spend another moment of my life on this lifeless wretch of a flick... So I'm going to let Quint, Capone and Pyul MacTackle go at it on this turkey. Vampires & Werewolves... I should love it right? Um, no... Had they done anything interesting with either... had either done anything remotely Vampire or Werewolfy... Had the dialogue not begun to sound like that of a Charlie Brown Grownup character after about 10 minutes in... Had there been a gram of character work by a screenwriter or a performer... Had there been a single instance of original art design work that excited me in the least... Take every minor problem I had with the last MATRIX film multiply them by a factor of 10,000 and take away all the wit and visual extravagance of that film... and you have UNDERWORLD. I saw it later in a day after watching the brilliance of AMERICAN SPLENDOR... it was like chasing the best merlot in the world with a diet coke in a styrofoam cup that'd been sitting on your dashboard on a hot summer day. Yeah... like shit...

Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Sorry I've been away so long, but my life has been a whirlwind lately. Who woulda thunk a short film would be so much work? hehe  

Anyhow, I was able to catch a sneak screening of UNDERWORLD the other night and thought I'd drop in a short review for you fine folks.  

Since I heard of this project, I've been interested in the story. Romeo and Juliet, but instead of Montagues and Capulets we have werewolves and vampires. Being both a horror and Shakespeare fan I thought this was an inventive idea and looked forward to the first trailer...  

Then I saw the poster while I infiltrated the American Film Market earlier this year. I was disappointed to see Kate Beckinsale in Trinity's outfit. Then I saw the trailer and while it looked nice, I wasn't happy about a few of the things I saw in it.  

The Matrix leather and slo-mo didn't impress me at all. I was hoping they'd go for something slightly more... say... original. What really got me, though, was the look of the werewolves. Hairless CG werewolves DO NOT WORK. It didn't work in AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS and it doesn't work here.  

My excitement for the project turned into "Eh... I hope it doesn't suck too much." Then I was at Comic-Con and saw the UNDERWORLD presentation. I dug the hell out of the two screenwriters (especially Kevin Grevioux, a huge black dude who also plays a lead werewolf in the film and has one of the coolest bad motherfucker voices I've ever heard), thought they were pretty sharp, but then Kate Beckinsale came out.  

She's a very, very cute girl, but she radiated contempt and superiority at Comic-Con. She is one of those girls that has "Bitch" stamped on her forehead.  

Needless to say, after all that and the negative word coming out of the Toronto screening of the film, I almost blew off the screening. Things worked out in such a way that I was free that night and had nothing better to do, so I went.  

To my surprise the movie isn't a complete piece of shit. It was actually pretty entertaining. That having been said it is also filled with some terrible acting, under-developed character motivations and a lot of iffy CG work.  

Shane Brolly who plays Kraven, the asshole vampire, is terrible. This is the only film I've seen that he's been a part of, so I can't say if it's due to direction or his lack of talent, but he rushes through all his lines and they come out like they were being read by a shy student trying out for the school play. He has a good vampire face, though. I guess that's how he got the part.  

Beckinsale is very adorable in the film. She's cute as a button in her little faux leather outfit. She does a fine job at the action and the more dramatic scenes. She never is better than "That was pretty good", though. She might have achieved a deeper level to her character if the love story between her and Scott Speedman's character hadn't been so forced and undeveloped.  

The gore in the film is pretty good when it's there. It's kind of aggravating to see this film... an R rated werewolf vs. vampire flick... that has so few money shots. There are a couple, but it seems to me that the film is only a couple seconds of gore and two "fucks" removed from a PG-13 rating. If you're going to get an R rating in a film like this, why not go all the way?  

The CG ended up not looking all that terrible. At least it didn't look as bad as AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS. But I still stand strongly against the design of the werewolves. They look more like were-jackals... with the long face and huge, humped neck. I've never been a fan of the "hairless werewolf" look and I'm still not.  

The good in this film comes from the cinematography and some of the supporting characters, my favorites being the Vampire weapon expert and Michael Sheen who plays Lucian. The action is alright... the final fight in the sewers (you'll know it when you see it) is very cool and quick.  

What this movie suffers from more than anything is the lack of development of the love story. It feels like they were going for a little depth, then decided to throw that on the back burner and focus on the flashy leather two fisted gun action. It's flashy and entertains the eye, but if you're not able to believe the love story the action seems rather empty.  

It is even more distracting when the "flashback" love story is told so well... It's not shown very well... it's all done in that grimy, blurry, quick-cut bullshit until the end... But it is sold by Michael Sheen who at the beginning looks like your typical  bad guy actor, but shows more depth and talent than most in the film by the time the credits roll.  

At the end of the day, I don't feel any desire to see this movie again in the near future. I won't buy the DVD. I might catch it on cable. It entertained me while sitting in the theater, which is more than I thought it would, but has some seriously fatal flaws in the story and character development. If you're at all interested in the film, I suggest a matinee... or better yet, go see LOST IN TRANSLATION. That film opened before I could get my review in, but let me say here and now that it will be at the top of most critic's Best of the Year lists. Bill Murray and the yummy-yummy and remarkably talented Scarlett Johansson shine in the film.  

Oh, before I leave I have to mention the commercial attached to the print. It was for some bullshit skin care thing. Why do the studios feel they have to put these damn things on before films?  

That's it from me, squirts. By all that is holy in this world, SoBig is finally over and my Yahoo box is clear once more. Click my email address below if you want to talk to this crusty bastard. I'll be back as soon as I'm able. 'Til that day, this is Quint bidding you all a fond farewell and adieu.  


If you think Kate Beckinpale is hot in that Trinity outfit, email me nude Drew Barrymore to see her out of it!

Now for Capone... who seems to actually care for some of this dreadful nonsense. Personally, this film is a classic case of a film that both sucks and blows. Here ya go...


Hey, Harry. Capone in Chicago here. Get ready for a couple of major reports from yours truly starting in a couple weeks as the Chicago International Film Festival gets rolling. I've seen a preview of some of the offerings, including the opening night screening of THE HUMAN STAIN with director Robert Benton in person. Of course the film opens a week before the "Opening" night, but who's counting? More on that later. For now, here's a review of what will likely be this weekend's No. 1 movie, deservedly or not.

The latest dark and dingy, MATRIX-like supernatural action film to surface is a must-see for those who feel the need to see every movie having vampires in it (namely me) and a must-miss for the rest of you. UNDERWORLD is far from completely horrible. In fact, there’s a lot to like here for those of us that can’t get enough of seeing good-looking actors try to wrap their pouty lips around a set of pointy false teeth, and lisping their way through their performance. But the film gets so chatty and bogged down with vampire and werewolf (they call them “likens” or “lykens” or "lykins" here, but I refuse) folklore and mystique that the film loses its appeal about halfway through the proceedings.

The films opens with vampire Selene (Kate Beckinsale looking as sexy as I’ve ever seen her in her vinyl or leather Catwoman knock-off) perched on the top of a building looking for werewolves to kill. Apparently for centuries, vamps and werewolves have been battling each other for supremacy of “the night,” whatever the hell that means. I was never quite clear what their war was about, but if anyone in the film thought too hard about that, what would be the point of the movie. Anyway, special military-trained vamps called Death Dealers spend their nights hunting werewolves, killing them with semi-automatic weapons filled with silver bullets. Sometimes they capture them and interrogate them to find the locations of other packs of werewolves...then kill them. The first problem with UNDERWORLD is seen right in the first action sequence set in an anonymous city’s subway system. During the more complex battles, it’s tough to tell who’s who. Both sides (in human form at least; we don’t see the werewolves as werewolves that often) dress the same, are built like football players or supermodels or both, and use machine guns and pistols to shoot at each other (the werewolves have bullets with encapsulated sunlight in them). With the exception of Ms. Beckinsale, I could not tell who was after who in the opening chase.

Once the bullets stopped flying and the smoke cleared, I got my bearings and figured out the situations. Turns out a large pack of wolfmen (no chicks in their ranks) are planning to invade the vampire’s lair during a critical time in the vampire cycle called The Awakening. To explain this process would bore you to tears, but it involves waking up one of the three vampire elders who take turns sleeping for centuries. Again, why they have to do this is never explained. Selene is at odds with the vamp leader named Kraven (Shane Brolly), who is said to have killed an important werewolf leader named Lucian (Michael Sheen from FOUR FEATHERS) many years earlier. But we find out early on that Lucian is good and alive, so what does that say about Kraven’s trustworthiness? Soon both sides are trying to get possession of a human named Michael Corvin (“Felicity’s” Scott Speedman), who somehow holds the key to uniting the opposing forces.

If your head is spinning just from my one paragraph synopsis you probably won’t be able to make heads or tails of the entire two-hour film, but every so often UNDERWORLD makes it worth your while to stick around. The film’s bled-dry look practically makes it a black-and-white movie, which I liked. The set design and art direction reminded me a lot of the first Tim Burton BATMAN movie. There are very modern elements to the technology both sides are using and their are some cool Victorian touches as well, particularly in the costuming. The wire-works action stuff works better here than I’ve seen in just about any post-MATRIX film. When Beckinsale and her crew jump from a dozen stories up and land in the street, there’s actually some umph to their impact. They manage to defy gravity without being totally weightless. First-time director Len Wiseman (former props manager for INDEPENDENCE DAY and STARGATE and current fiancee of Beckinsale’s) also does a nice job making the action scenes fluid and exciting (even if you can’t tell people apart). He doesn’t insist on rapid-fire editing all the time, particularly in the final hand-to-hand showdowns that make up the film’s climax. I should also throw in here that the wonderful Bill Nighy (recently seen in I CAPTURE THE CASTLE and LAWLESS HEART) is on hand in UNDERWORLD as the vampire elder Viktor, Selene’s mentor. His performance is a little...eccentric, so don’t be surprising if people in the audience crack up laughing when he’s on screen. They did at my screening, and rightfully so, though the humor is totally unintentional.

UNDERWORLD is a classic case of style over substance, but the film isn’t all filler. There are some interesting new wrinkles added to and subtracted from the rule books of vampires and werewolves. Beckinsale is particularly effective even though I’m confused how she can even see the werewolves she’s pursuing with her hair always hanging in her face. I may have to file UNDERWORLD in my Guilty Pleasure drawer. You might also.


Send me your blood here!

Lastly, here's that Pyul MacTackle fella that chimes in, but never introduces himself in person... He's either so good looking he doesn't want to get a reputation for hanging with "geeks" or he's so wildly attracted to me, that any time he takes 3 steps in my direction he does one of those Forrest Gump tremors and 3 zits erupt on his forehead. I'm not sure which, but anyone that didn't like UNDERWORLD this much can't be all bad...

Hey Harry,  

Once again, I didn't see you at the Underworld screening, but they did have two theatres, so who knows. Thought I might send you my thoughts anyway, especially since, as every good talkbacker knows, there's nothing Harry Knowles wants more from a movie, any movie, then a good old fashioned Vampire Werewolf fight. Be it Romantic Comedy, a touching drama about a severely retarded (fill in the blank), an Adam Sandler snuff film or even, yes, The Matrix, nothing makes a movie memorable like a good old fashioned no holds barred Vampire Werewolf showdown. Oh yeah. Brother!  

Am I right? What could be cooler than Blood sucking freaks going toe to toe than the moon ravaged lupine hordes? Throw in a tight leather clad Kate Beckinsdale, an industrial soundtrack, and enough black lipstick to make even Dungeons and Dragons cower in shame and you've got the makings of the Goth Movie Spectacular of the year. Right?  

Well, Goth kids, Sony execs and vampire werewolf fight fans cover your eyes. Someone's about to get hurt.  

Underworld, much like the Vampires of myth and legend, is lifeless, soulless and lacking even the faintest of a pulse. I cannot even begin to stress just how clichéd, bland and unoriginal this mockery really is. And I'm pissed, absolutely appalled at the response I'm hearing from people I talk to about this crapper. "Well, the trailer looks cool," I keep hearing "So I'll give it a shot." You know, it saddens me as I slowly realize that it is not the writers, directors, actors, producers or even the studio heads that keep Hollywood afloat these days. It is the brilliant trailer editors that can make any festering pile of monkey doo look like a steak sandwich slathered in Bleu Cheese for 2 minutes and 31 seconds. "Damn, that looks tasty," you think to yourself. And no matter how many people you meet who have tasted it that decry "BUT IT'S A FESTERING PILE OF MONKEY DOO UNDER CLEVER LIGHTING!" you still thank "Yeah, whatever. Maybe I'll like monkey doo."  

So the first thing I'd like to do, before I begin to tear this turd apart piece by piece, is spend a little bit of time talking about the trailer. If you're reading this, then odds are, you've seen it. And if you've seen it, I tell you this now in all honesty and no uncertain exaggeration, you have seen almost every single special effects shot in the film. You know how most trailers hint at the wonderful special effects in the film, saving the real money shots for the theatre experience where they really earn your eight bucks? Well, the nice people at Sony and Screen Gems thought it would be nice if, for a change, they instead showed you every single penny they put into their special effects budget BEFORE you saw the movie, so instead of being wowed by the special effects, you could settle back and appreciate this movie for what it truly is. I'm not kidding. Everything even remotely cool that happens in this movie is right there, ready to be watched on right this very minute. Oh, there's maybe a second before or a few seconds after that are the tail end of the special effects, but all told, every real money shot this movie has to offer, you've already seen. For free. God bless Sony's generosity. So if you have any plans whatsoever on seeing this movie for more 'stunning' (and I use that term very loosely) special effects, just watch the trailer again, and skip this. You've already seen it. And what little you haven't seen, isn't worth seeing. Trust me.  

But this is only the beginning of Underworlds problems. Perhaps you aren't interested in seeing Underworld for it's special effects. Perhaps you're interested in the mood, the storytelling or even just because you're a fan of vampires and werewolves and like a child with two bees in a jar, you want nothing more than to see them fight. Well, don't you worry, Underworld has absolutely nothing for you folks either. It's an equal opportunity disappointment.  

First and foremost, this isn't really a vampire movie. Nor is it really a werewolf movie either. This is primarily because it doesn't actually have any vampires or werewolves in it. Oh, there are people who CLAIM to be Vampires and others who CLAIM to be Werewolves. They're even kind enough to indulge in each others delusions by CALLING each other vampires and werewolves. But I dare them for even one second to prove it.  

Now I'm not some hardcore vampire/werewolf lore historian here to contradict points of legend versus the concepts of this movie. That's not it at all. There is some very basic shit missing from this film and quite a bit of thematic elements that are completely abandoned by Underworlds 'Reinvention' (the filmmakers word, not mine) of these creatures.  

According to Underworld all Vampires 1) are Eurotrash. 2) have pointy teeth 3) can defy gravity 4) can be killed by specially made 'Sunlight bullets', really big fucking swords, light blood loss and extreme close ups on the jaws of a werewolf approaching the screen 5) are all pretty much evil, rotten bastards that will believe anything someone tells them despite their years and years of experience and 6) Are really old.  

According to Underworld all Werewolves 1) are Eurotrash (except for one very large Michael Clark Duncan impersonator) 2) Can grow pointy teeth when they turn into large, bipedal hairless doglike creatures 3) can defy gravity 4) can be killed by silver bullets (kind of, this is the one cool idea in the film) 5) are pretty much evil, rotten bastards that have no real personality aside from being pretty pissed off and 6) Are really old.  

Underworld contains zero references to: Coffins, crosses, garlic, running water, invitation legends, stakes, holy water, transformation into bats, wolves or mist, vampiric powers over the mind, wolves or curses. There is one mention of drinking blood, in a story that we are to assume occurred a couple hundred years ago. Blood is mentioned later, or rather cloned blood is, but apparently the vampires are awaiting FDA approval for the stuff. (I shit you not.) Sunlight is mentioned as a weakness in flashback, but that doesn't really matter, because Underworld only takes place at night. There is no day whatsoever. The movie is one, long, fluid story that takes place over the course of several 'days' without the sun ever once coming up. It's the anti-Bay. Ever wonder how the film world balances itself out after it suspends night for Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer movies to show universal day the world over as everyone in the world wonders about the fate of our heroes in oh so cinematic daylight? Underworld is that answer. Vampires also breathe, can be drowned and can have CPR performed on them oddly enough.  

Underworld is also very dodgy on how one actually becomes a werewolf or a vampire. It is said that you can actually be born as both and it's hinted that a bite can actually do it, but neither is ever really talked about, except in passing.  

So I'm sure many of you out there are asking right this very second: "So what? It's a 'Reinvention'. They're doing something different."  

No. They're not.  

The Vampires and Werewolves of Underworld are nothing more than superhumans that, having had removed all but the most basic of concepts, are Vampires and Werewolves in name only. Underworld never even begins to try to reinvent these creatures at all. There is nothing to replace what's missing. No new habits or ideas to chew on, mull over or enjoy while watching. Period. Underworld borrows, rather than reinvents, and simply 'trims the fat', so to speak, to tell the story it wants to tell.  

And to top it off, Underworld has almost ZERO mood. There's never any feeling or soul to it, which brings me to why, exactly, I mentioned all the associated concepts that are lacking from this movie. There is simply something fascinating about vampires and werewolves. If there wasn't, there wouldn't be so many movies about the damned things. Or so many books. Or legends. There is something about the notion of great power coming with an awful curse, the notion of a man becoming both more than a man and less of a man at the same time that inspires the imagination. Whether it be the horror a man experiences as he loses the very things he never knew he held so dear and having to suffer that loss for all eternity, or the notion of becoming something so uncontrollable that a man would want nothing more than to die, if only for that single moment of peace. Talk all you want about those 'cheesy old Universal monster movies', but by god, those movies had heart. Those movies had soul. Those movies dealt with the very essence of what it was to be human.  

Those 'cheesy old monster movies' managed to understand the very essence of what those crazy old legends were really all about.  

But maybe that isn't what you like about Vampire/werewolf lore. Maybe you simply love the sheer fright of the notion of these once human beasts prowling the night, with the ability to suck a person dry of every last drop of blood whilst they slept or tear a grown man limb from limb in a heartbeat.  

Well folks, Underworld possesses neither of these thing, not a single moment of pathos, not a single moment of horror. In fact, aside from one sequence in the beginning of the film, there is no evidence whatsoever that there's anyone that's NOT a Vampire or Werewolf living in the city this takes place in. There is a small group of people that apparently are going somewhere, once (probably leaving town before all hell breaks loose) but we are never again treated to anything remotely like the outside world.  

And this is one of the primary faults of the film, as we are never shown just how these beings deal with the world at all. The Vampires don't feed, werewolves can control their changes and they don't have to worry about the moon (unless they're a new werewolf), and neither needs jobs. The Vampires sit around having parties that look exactly like those live action role playing events you see at every sci/fi, fantasy or movie convention, but without all the rock, paper, scissors (I swear, they're always playing Rock, paper, them some time, I'm not making this shit up.) Everyone looks like they just walked out of a casting call for 'Fashionably dressed corpse number 1' in a Marylyn Manson music video. They really, truly, never actually do anything. And since it's always night, we never get to see what they do at dawn. Do they sleep like other vampires? Or do they just stay indoors, eternal insomniacs with nothing more to do than sit around and bore one another with their ennui? And the Werewolves? Lord only knows what they do, aside from hanging out playing Fight Club the home game and getting ready to fight Vampires.  

But let's pretend for a moment that you don't give a shit about any of this. Let's acknowledge that I'm full of shit for wanting silly little things like mood and mythology. "So this isn't a Vampire film. We get it. How's the fucking movie?"  

How is it? It's a meandering mess that borrows every shred of mood or idea from other sources. I once heard an electronic musician publicly refer to Billy Corrigan (Smashing Pumpkins) as Borrowing everything from electonica but giving nothing back. The exact thing can be said about Underworld, word for word. Underworld takes not only it's cues, but it's entire art direction from obvious sources. The Matrix. Dark City. The Crow. But not only is Underworld 'in the style of', it pirates exact shots, entire sequences. Matrix fans are gonna shit bricks when they see the rotating-staring-down-several-floors-of-a-dilapidated-stairwell-as-the-heroes-trod-up-it shot that not only looks just like the same shot in The Matrix, but may well have been shot on the same set. the shots that aren't pirated are shot so claustrophobically, that you can never actually see anything around exactly what you're looking at. What work did go into the art direction was all but completely cut out of the film by poor cinematography choices. And of course, anytime the visuals fail to set the appropriate mood, fear not, for Underworld is more than ready to blast industrial and electronic music at the drop of a hat to try to fill in the blanks. Of course, that never really helps much.  

But nevermind all that, we already established that you might not care about mood. How about that action? Yeah. How about it? I'm still waiting to see it myself, and I've seen the god damned thing.  

Want some Vampire on Werewolf action? Good luck, because Underworld doesn't have any. Oh there are Vampires FIGHTING Werewolves alright. Mostly Werewolves in human form, and the fighting is all with guns or in one case, and only one case, whips. On rare occasions, the Werewolves change into large, hairless, badly rendered dog like creatures that are either kept in total darkness or are only shown for a split second to keep you from seeing how bad they look. And just when you're about to see a werewolf tear into some vampire flesh or just when you're ready to see a werewolf bitch slap a vampire across the room...the shadowed werewolf approaches the screen menacingly, opens its slavering maw into the camera's eye and the movie cuts away. Then we're treated to other characters hearing the sounds of screams and gunshots. Not only do we not get to see what happens, we don't even get to know how it turns out. Almost everyone who dies in the film does so by gunshot or human form. And even then the action presented isn't even remotely interesting. It's cut so poorly and so quick that you never get an idea for what's going on.  

But most importantly, you don't care.  

The depth of character here is so shallow here that were it cooking oil, you couldn't sauté mushrooms in it. Everyone is one dimensional and almost no one has a backstory, and what backstories are present are so tired and cliché that it's almost laughable. The dialog is stiff and reeks of the pseudo-intellectual ennui ridden banter of the aforementioned live action role playing games. And most absurd, the story is told from the entirely wrong point of view.  

Underworld focuses upon Selene (Bekinsdale) the ridiculously monikered 'Death Dealer' as she tries to unravel the mystery of why the Werewolves want Michael (Scott Speedman). For some unknown reason, she becomes obsessed with figuring this all out and protecting him. This simply isn't the story that Underworld should be telling. It should be telling the Michael's story. The exposition should be from his point of view.  

Imagine if you will 'The Matrix' told from Trinity's point of view, rather than Neo's. Imagine if, during the opening, we are treated to a Carrie Ann Moss voice over explaining the Matrix, the Agents and exactly why they were looking for Neo. Then imagine it being roughly the same film, without the moments of Neo alone trying to figure things out. This pretty much sums up Underworld. Everything is laid out from the beginning, with only a few plot points kept hidden. But all the horror, all the mystique of the monsters in this movie, is undercut and completely ruined by Selene's introductory explanation. And thus, we never really feel anything. We don't get the shock of being caught in a subway station shoot out. We don't get the horror of first seeing a man turn into a werewolf. We don't get 'What the Fuck' reaction of finding out the badass women you've found yourself attracted to is really...a blood sucking monster. Nope, nothing at all like that. It's pretty much a go through the motions movie from that opening scene.  

And get this...Sony's been selling this as 'Romeo and Juliet' with werewolves and Vampires. Yeah, uh, that's bollocks. Complete Bollocks. First of all, Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy. This isn't. Secondly, if I remember correctly, Romeo and Juliet was a romance. There was some kind of funky love subplot or at least an attraction between the title characters. My Shakespeare must be rusty, because this didn't have any of that. And no, it's not just because Beckinsdale and Speedman have all the sexual chemistry of Donnie and Marie Osmond, but rather, because there are no romantic elements, scenes or themes in the film anywhere. there's one ALMOST kiss, which turns out to be a ploy to get one character quickly handcuffed, but that's it. Selene for some unexplained (no seriously, unexplained) reason tries to protect Michael, but it never once feels to the audience like love.  

In fact, several audience members I talked with after the film claimed that they were very happy that the movie never tried to be a romance. that the characters never hooked up romantically. Kind of a funny reaction for a film being billed as 'Romeo and Juliet' don't you think?  

So there's no romance, no vampire on werewolf action, flawed storytelling, bad dialog, terrible editing and cinematography, bad special effects, sunlight bullets, and oh yeah, the story's pretty lame and lacks any real conclusion aside to set itself up for a sequel. (No really, not just "oooh...they could make another one" it's "Hey, we're making another one whether you like it or not, so much so, we're not really going to end this one")  

So is there any reason to see Underworld? Well, the credits are quite nice and not nearly as lifeless and boring as the movie before them. Otherwise, no.  

Pyul Mactackle

Readers Talkback
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  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:13 a.m. CST


    by beggar13


  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:16 a.m. CST


    by cockrott

    Yeah motherfuckers yeah!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:17 a.m. CST

    re: idiot

    by cockrott


  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:26 a.m. CST

    Quint had nudie pics of Kate

    by DannyOcean01


  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:27 a.m. CST

    Well I remember...

    by pax256

    Some well known critics call Highlander garbage yet its in my all time top 10 fav. Ive only ever not liked Queen of the damned but Id still see it if I hadnt at least once... So unless this is worse than Queen of the damned Ill be er... damned if I dont see it.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:29 a.m. CST

    I thought I was above this

    by cockrott

    I really thought I was above this. I have been coming to aintitcool for many years and have never felt the need to post anything on the talkback. I always felt that the need to be first, the desire to prove that you were up all night waiting for that next article to be posted was nothing to be proud of. In fact it seems like screaming out, "Yes! I have no life! And I have less life than any of you out there!" I also resented the way talkbackers would bitch about a medium they have no energy or creativity to involve themselves in. It ultimately seems an empty experience. And yet...I turned on my computer, read the Underworld article and lo and behold, at the bottom there is no talk back down. And something happened to me. I can't explain it. A rush of adrenalin? A competitive streak ignited? A need to be recognized? Or maybe just an acceptance that perhaps I really do not have much of a life? And before I could control myself, I was signing up for a talk back account, scrambling over myself to be able to shout, nay, to scream "First!" And what makes this particular tale all the more tragic, is that in the wait for my password, someone else got there before me. Someone cool enough to say "last" when they were first. Someone so laid back and comfortable with their place on the planet they could afford to mock my desperation, leaving me a humiliated and humbled second. I hope we have all learnt something from this story. I am going to turn off my computer now. Go outside into the real world. And go see a movie...

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:29 a.m. CST

    "Encapsulated sunlight"?

    by Mahasamatman

    "The werewolves have bullets with encapsulated sunlight"? What. The. Fuck.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:45 a.m. CST

    The word is "lycan"..

    by Sith42 in lycan-thrope.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:47 a.m. CST

    I feel your pain cockrott

    by beggar13

    Same thing happened to me the first time I saw an opening to post first. To make things worse, some fuck hole who calls himself IFARTONYOURGRAVE felt the need to post a degrading follow up about my failed first post that only added pain to the humiliation I was experiencing. Nothing but love for you kid. Your day will come grasshopper.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:57 a.m. CST

    Harry's trying to make up for his Vampire and Warewolf fiasco by

    by Tall_Boy

    Its true, its true,.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:01 a.m. CST

    sounds painful to watch

    by Rupee88

    maybe I will catch this on cable someday, but I doubt it. This movie doesn't sound just lame, but so stupid that it would be very irritating and frustrating to watch. I'll pass. Kate Beckinsale is not that hot anyway..she's pretty, but not that sexy really.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:06 a.m. CST


    by rev_skarekroe

    Kung-Fu gunslinging vampire superheroes. I mention this every time, but didn't people used to try to make vampires SCARY? I mention this every time, too but no one ever thinks it's as interesting as I do. sk

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:15 a.m. CST

    Movie trailers

    by Hunter-X

    Why was the last reviewer bashing on people who go see movies because the trailer looks cool? The last time I checked not everyone gets an advanced screening pass or has the time to read the whole damn script that some janitor stole from the set. Underworld looks entertaining. That's the reason I go to the movies. I don't have to walk out of a theater a changed man every time I see a film.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:20 a.m. CST

    I take back that Harry slam - that last review really put into p

    by Tall_Boy

    Fuck. Ah well.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:21 a.m. CST

    Billy CORGAN

    by Rain_Dog

    Sorry, but c'mon. The guy's not exactly obscure.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:30 a.m. CST

    Damn, You know its bad when Harry doesn't even like it...

    by Lost Skeleton

    ...which might mean that it is good (i.e. Matrix Reloaded). Oh, I'm so confused...Anyway, the consensus on this is that it is bad so I'm not going to waste my $18 (Baby girl + I) on this shite. I'll check out Secondhand Lions instead. War Revolutions on November 5th!!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:45 a.m. CST


    by Harker8

    Ok, I like this site because it deals with movie gossip, and I like movies...a much so that I sat through 7 Samurai, The Neverending Story, and Invaders from Mars (from the 80s) just the other night. But, that having been said, after reading these set of reviews, I must say a few things: 1. Harry DOES NOT know everything about movies- I don't trust his reviews anymore. And seriously, between reviews its nice to add your little intros: but why the little statements like "so-and-so seems to have not completely hated the movie, like me, but its still crap, because I said so" (I'm paraphrasing) and 2. I'm gonna be at Underworld with bells on. Sure, its gonna clich

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:47 a.m. CST


    by Harker8

    "Its" not "I'm" sorry my grammar is bad in the morning.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:48 a.m. CST

    Encapsulated Sunlight

    by zer0cool2k2

    So, the bullets are filled with Sunny Delight? I'm still gonna' cross my fingers and hope this isn't a total crapfest. I love Vampire movies. Hell, I've even sat through "Embrace of the Vampire" (and surely it wasn't for the naked Alyssa milano). What'll probably happen though is after seeing this, I'll go home, pop in "Innocent Blood", follow that with "The Matrix", "American Werewolf in London", and "The Lost Boys".

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:50 a.m. CST

    The One Good Thing About Underworld

    by FrankCobretti

    Is that reading these comments inspired me to go the Underworld website to see the trailer. On the site, there's a Hellboy link. On the Hellboy page, there's a link to the Del Toro / Mignola / Perlman panel from ComicCon 2002. Now, THAT was cool!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:58 a.m. CST


    by Glass

    Kate Beckinsale has zero sexual chemistry. Period. She could share the screen with sex personified and she would still come up dry.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:02 a.m. CST


    by Harker8

    BUT, she's hot- blisteringly hot. I'm expecting to look on screen and say "she's hot" especially in black. I'm NOT expecting to hold hands with her and walk off into the sunset.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:04 a.m. CST

    Oh--my--God. This is gonna suck and suck bad, like the vacuum of

    by WarDog

    Bullets with encapsulated sunlight???? That's just maximum idiocy. No, make that BULLSHIT. Rewriting the rule-book of werewolves and vampires is done only by talentless asswipes who never researched--let alone understood--the traditional mythology of the two supernatural "species." Case in point: vampires are affected by SILVER just as much as werewolves! AND vampires are strong enough not to need bullets to kill werewolves. You CAN create an original, well-told story within the mythology, IF you're imaginative enough. If you're not, well, then you're a fucking hack who's trying to show off in an area you think has a ready market, so it'll be easier for you to sell it. That seems to be the case here. As for the look of the film and the action served up, NO WONDER it looks the way it does, considering the director has a long resume in FUCKING MUSIC VIDEOS. Such people should be forced to get a degree from a film school before allowed to direct a major theatrical release as this.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:08 a.m. CST

    Oh, holy crap, its the SECOND COMING

    by Harker8

    Come on second coming...I paid 8 bucks....I've got my popcorn.....the lights have dimmed......I definitely deserve to see the second coming on screen for 8 BUCKS. Damn. Nothing. What a rip-off. I only get an action movie.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:13 a.m. CST

    I was hoping for a winner!

    by aigam

    If the movie is so bad as the guys said I will be really pissed off! I love Kate Beckinsale from when I've seen "Much Ado About Nothing" for the first time and I couldn'd wait to see her as a black-latex-vamp. The idea of war between werewolves and vampires also turns me on, so I was waiting for Underworld impatiently and now it turned out to be a turkey. Still, I will go to see them movie beacuse of Kate, she is really hell of the lady. Kisses Kate!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:19 a.m. CST

    Dog soldiers

    by Harker8

    Dog soldiers was pretty good. There' s an impressive amount of gore. The werewolf design is creative- I just wished their heads didn't look so Doglike. I expected a Man-Lassie to show up with Timmy in its mouth. But anyway, DEFINITELY worth renting.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:21 a.m. CST

    You Ruined This Movie For Yourself, Harry

    by ZuZuPetals

    you watch an obvious Oscar nominee and chase it with an obvious summer movie then that's exactly what you get. you actually sound like you walked into UNDERWORLD expecting an AMERICAN SPLENDOR with vampires and werewolves! i didn't LOVE it but for $20 million and a first time director they could have done much worse. In the immortal words of the banned Angora Sweater... CHAAAAARIST!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:22 a.m. CST


    by Goon Bighead


  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Tell me, Goon Bighead

    by Glass

    Did you like 28 Days Later?

  • Way to go, brotha. Wiseman is a hack who's going to bury Beckinsale's career if she doesn't wackthefuckup. What's frightening, is they already have another film lined up.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:28 a.m. CST

    Trailer tune

    by Harker8

    Does anyone know the name of the tune playing at the end of the Underworld trailer? They used it in the trailer for Time and Tide also.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:41 a.m. CST

    I think I'll wait

    by Rayearth

    I think I'll wait for Van Helsing.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:43 a.m. CST

    aicn is going to fucking hell

    by diggler007

    everytime i read a review on this site its giving praise to some pansy ass indie flick or trashing some other underworld. I just saw a screening of it last night. granted it wasn't the greatest flick of all time but i don't think its as bad as all of the reviews its gotten here. this isn't a oscar type film. its a film about fucking vampires and werewolves. what do you expect? if harry and his elitist group of bitches would take the time to realize this then maybe they would get some enjoyment out of watching a movie sometime. those fuckers need to lighten up. and all of the people on here that are not going or do not want to see underworld after reading the reviews on here....make up your own mind. who knows you may love this movie. don't let almighty harry decide for you. fuck that big headed freak.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:46 a.m. CST

    Gotta' Agree

    by zer0cool2k2

    Pyul's review, whether I end up agreeing with him or not (gonna' spend my $8.00 anyway), is one of the best written, cleverly worded reviews I've read here in months. And BTW, Beckinsale may be quite hot, but the Selene action figure has a truly horrible face.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Dog Soldiers

    by FrankCobretti

    Dog Soldiers is an excellent movie! It has interesting, sympathetic characters, compelling situations, and great action. I popped that movie in the player expecting a pleasantly diverting werewolf picture and wound up getting my world rocked. Highly recommended!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:58 a.m. CST

    Dog Soldiers

    by Harker8

    Its just an Alamo-like monster movie. but the characters are really good- you get a real sense of camraderie between the members of the military squad.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:59 a.m. CST

    CG Werewolves

    by riskebiz

    When was the last time we saw Werewolves in the movies that weren't crappy CGI (like they were in the terrible An American Werewolf in Paris)? I fear that Van Helsing is going to go the same route with the Wolfman (based on the promo posters) and it's annoying. I can see making ... oh ... and alien monster out of CG, but a monster that is more traditional like a werewolf or a vampire? Better go traditional or it will look fake. Probably too late to redo it for Van Helsing. Speaking of which ... I wish they were using the name "Lawrence Talbot" for the man who becomes the Wolfman in Van Helsing.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:02 a.m. CST


    by Harker8

    CG is gonna look fake for a long time. However, through CG a lot more movement and visual effects are possible. Why can't more people suspend belief? Geesh.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:29 a.m. CST

    Well It's Good to Know One Must Curb the Expectations

    by Drath

    Yeah, well, I still say nothing in the trailer for Underworld led me to believe it would be a great movie, just a possibly decent action flick with a tightleather-wearing babe. Sounds like even that may be too much to ask. The premise had loads of potential for a cool film, but nothing I've seen or heard made me expect one. So the werewolves and vampires fight like humans with super human strength and lots of guns like any generic action movie? Hmm. Too bad. Can't say that surprises me though. Let's face it, a ball-busting vamp vs wolf movie would need MONEY and this was never a major movie with a huge buget. Look when they're releasing it! You don't release a big movie in frigging September! That's like the roach motel of release months. I'm not defending the film since I haven't seen it, nor am I slamming it. I'm just shrugging and waiting for Van Helsing. I'll see this one somehow, maybe on DVD.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:32 a.m. CST

    Question about the soundtrack....

    by XTheCrovvX

    It's funny someone mentioned Queen of the Damnd....that was another utterly crap movie with nearly zero redeeming qualities....but the soundtrack was actually pretty damn, even if Underworld turns out to be this year's QOTD....from what I know, the soundtrack is the product of this big-ass supergroup with Maynard from Tool, Richard Patrick(Filter), Josh Freese (A Perfect Circle), Danny Lohner(NIN), Wes Borland(the GOOD part of Limp Bizkit), David Bowie, and John Fruciante (RHCP)....if any of these reviewers, or any TBers can sate my curiosity...did the soundtrack turn out any good? Or will the film already have zero points going for it from the get-go when I check it out on friday?

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:42 a.m. CST

    Encapsulated sunlight?

    by Heleno

    Sorry, not only do I not buy it, I'm walking out of the shop. Secondly, I am pretty sure that any humour Bill Nighy invoked was intentional (perhaps to the film's expense, but I doubt that worried the big ham). Dang, I wanted to be excited about this one - I need something to keep me going till Finding Nemo / Revolutions / The King!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:47 a.m. CST

    On No! Harry liked American Splendor better! Fuck it - I'm goin

    by Damitol

    First off - I liked Pyul's review. I'm still going to see the movie with an open mind, but Pyul's review was a fun read. Second - what is with the fanboys in this Talk Back dismissing the film because they think the idea of an "encapsuated sunlight bullet" is stupid. Sure, a guy can turn into a semi-retarded green giant and survive a fall from the edge of space, and another guy can have knives comes out of his hands because - get this - somone grafted a weird metal to his skeleton, and these same fanboys jizz all over themselves, but no fucking way can you have a bullet contain something approximating sunlight! (BTW, loved X-Men, Hulk was OK but way too long - just so you have a point of reference if you want one.) So why am I going to go see this movie even though the "professional" reviewers on AICN and elsewhere aren't loving it? (1) I will go in knowing that Underworld is an action film first and a monster movie second. (2) On a $21 million budget, your use of CGI and special effects is going to be sub-T3, although several reviewers seem to think they did great with what they had. (3) I liked the trailer. If that makes me a brain dead zombie puppet of the marketing world, so be it, but it *did* look cool. (4) I never played Masquerade, haven't seen so many wire-foo or black latex and leather coat wearing heroin chic vampire movies that I'm bored with the whole genre yet, and I like industrial music in proper doses. (5) I can forgive some cheesy dialog and a little too much exposition in a low budget, first time director, first time screen writer film if it keeps me entertained othwise, and I like the premise of the film and the visuals I see in the trailer and stills (I *am* a pauppet after all!)enough to think it will entertain. I'll be there opening weekend and fully expect to walk out of the theater satisfied. If it hits my basic expectations I'll buy the DVD, and if not, I guarantee sight unseen that it will be better than some films I have dropped $8 on that AICN reviewers and talkbackers have raved about.

  • Yes, I'm being sarcastic. I'm really amazed anybody was expecting a classic. I sure as hell wasn't. I'm just expecting a good time at the movies. Sure, "Underworld" isn't a classic or even good, we all knew that when the first trailer hit. It's a question of how seriously you take it.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:53 a.m. CST

    Call me old fashioned but...

    by RenegadeBushido

    I am a firm believer in the notion that vampires and werewolves should never use guns. It's like Batman using a damn gun (okay fine, he did use a gun about two times in the entire comic's history but only twice). My point is both have fangs and claws for a reason. They don't have them to look threatening before and while using a gun. They have these aspects to tear things up royally. Guns are too clean, too mundane, I could also say too civilized for both races, especially werewolves. A bullet wound is one small hole with one big ass exit wound (which for some reason they almost never show in movies). A claw wound, the sky's the limit with the presentation of that. Perhaps it was good that if they had to use guns in this movie. I can't even start to imagine how crappy CGI blood gushing out of a CGI wound on a CGI werewolf would look like. About the reviews, I still can't believe that they even slightly, at best, screwed up the Vampire vs. Werewolf thing. Another thing, with it being the style of talkback, I will give my recommendation for a good vampire or werewolf movie. My pick is the 80's movie Fright Night. With The Lost Boys and Near Dark out there, Fright Night tends to be looked over when one thinks of 80's vampire movies, but this is one horror movie gem. The first (haven't seen the second) Fright Night is an awesome vampire movie that follows the rules (as if there are any definite vampire rules any more). It's classy, it's old school, it has Amanda Bearse (Marcy from Married with Children) before Married with Children and Roddy McDowall after Planet of the Apes. If you can't find the video I think it'll be on AMC or Turner Classic Movies sometime near Halloween.

  • pain. bone crunching change. stretching and snapping sinew and muscle. and a climactic sense of what is to come. much better than making eric bana shake, shake, shake, and then near instantaneously BLOB like the nutty professor into the hulk. "somebody better call the exorcist!"

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:04 p.m. CST

    Looks craptastic...

    by paddington

    Hopefully Once Upon a Time in Mexico and Matchstick Men keep this film from acheiving #1 spot at the box office. Funny there's been no mention of the lawsuit it's facing so far from the people behind Vampire: The Masquerade. Ah well... I'll just find myself watching the 2 Blade movies again this weekend.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:18 p.m. CST

    New "Gits in Space"

    by earthlingdave

    New episode at

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:22 p.m. CST


    by Goon Bighead


  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:22 p.m. CST

    Song from the trailer


    this song is a group called 'Agent Provocateur' and the song is called 'Red Tape'. the song appears on The Jackal soundtrack.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:25 p.m. CST

    beckinsale not sexy?!?!

    by capt jack aubrey

    "Kate Beckinsale is not that hot anyway..she's pretty, but not that sexy really." -- Rupee88 "Kate Beckinsale has zero sexual chemistry. Period. She could share the screen with sex personified and she would still come up dry." -- Glass Um, boys, you might wanna check out "Laurel Canyon"... then get back to us on the "Beckinsale's not sexy" line...

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:43 p.m. CST


    by Skanky_Tony

    So says Fuck yeah!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:44 p.m. CST

    Thanks AICN For Fighting Against The Devil - Warning! This Movi

    by DevilMusicSucks

    Thank you AICN for your bad reviews. Keep on fighting the good fight against the evil forces of Satan. Oh yeah, and remember not to buy the satanic soundtrack that has Maynard on it. He worships the Devil and so does Skinny Puppy and Nine Inch Nails who were also involved with the soundtrack. I pray for the souls of anyone who pays money to see this film or buys the soundtrack. All of that money is funding Satan and his evil forces.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 12:47 p.m. CST

    On the cliche lines

    by Godardwhowhatnow

    I cracked fuckin' up when I saw the first trailer for this pile. "I am a death dealah..." Cripes! What's next? Well, at least they didn't use the god-awful, overused, meaningless, and mildly retarded line "Time to die" in this movie. Right? Riiight? WRONG. Menacing vampire dude No. 372 actually says "Time to die!" in the last trailer, to which Beckinsale stoically responds, "You Fuhst." Holy shit! I just hit the jackpot. I know, at this point, it's probably not really 'edgy' or meaningful to trash underworld, but it's just too easy. They set us up for it.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:13 p.m. CST

    Romeo+Werewolf & Vampire+Juliet is still a good idea

    by zinc_chameleon

    too bad the suits messes this one up. And yes, it should have been a tragedy. The focus should have been on us caring about two types of critters we naturally fear. All the rest is just icing. Someone ought to try writing this first as a stage play with three characters, dark lights, and no props, then add CGI and leather as you go. Is it too late to save such an idea? I hope Van Helsing does better. Makes me miss Hammer Films' "Brides of Dracula". Nothing better than major babes who want to rip your throat out.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Tragic events of 7-11?

    by rev_skarekroe

    What did your local convenience store get knocked over again? sk

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:34 p.m. CST

    The word is "LYCAN", as in "LYCAN I GET MY MONEY BACK??"

    by Kenshiro_Kane

    Everyone is a tool. Word.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:36 p.m. CST

    7-11 Tragedy

    by Blue_Demon

    Yes, the 7-11 tragedy was horrible. 64 Oz. cup...the small, hairline fracture on the bottom, the squeeze to put on the cap and suddenly...Oh God. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It still gets to me. Those were new shoes too. *sniff* I jest. Well...I for one would like to see a vampire movie that makes the vampires evil, remorseless bastards. C'mon idiots! ( I am talking about the studios, not my fellow talk-backers ) Vampires should scare the crap out of you. I mean, they're dead! They feed on human blood! Their breath stinks! ( and before anyone says "real dragons are supposed to be intelligent and talk" I know that there are no hard rules for fictional critters ) I blame Ann Rice for making the vampires swooning, whiners. I miss vampires like "Mrs. Amworth" or "Carmilla" or "Dracula." Jerry Dandridge, where are you?!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:38 p.m. CST

    by Harker8

    Speedrazor, just in case you were wondering....YOU RULE and Kate Beckinsale is hot...BLISTERINGLY HOT

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:42 p.m. CST

    Where do you people get your myth-information?

    by rev_skarekroe

    Vampires are vulnerable to silver? The love of a woman? You guys do realize that no one has ever written a definitive guide to legendary monsters, because there is no definitive source, right? Vampires and werewolves are the stuff of myth. The versions we are most familiar with have roots in Eastern Europe, but even then the legends will differ from country to country or even town to town. In other words, bitching about mythological accuracy in filmic depictions of the monsters of European folklore is a big waste of time. sk

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:43 p.m. CST

    Wasn't talking about you Blue Demon.

    by rev_skarekroe

    Just in case you thought that. I actually agree with you completely. sk

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:50 p.m. CST

    Vampires and Euro-trash

    by Harker8

    I rather enjoy vampires being portrayed as eurotrash. I'd rather deal with a somewhat sophisticated vampire who seem aristocratic, as opposed to some fat, redneck type draining blood from local folk and ruling his or her podunk town with an iron claw. Can you imagine this vampire saying shit like, 'I'M GONNA KILL Y'ALL NOW. BESSIE-MAY, FETCH ME MY GOOD OVERALLS AND LET'S GET US SOME BLOODY VITTLES." I don't think so...

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:51 p.m. CST


    by rev_skarekroe

    Apparently you missed "Near Dark". Why do I keep posting to this article? sk

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 1:54 p.m. CST


    by Harker8

    First time I've ever posted. And Harry kind of pisses me off with his reviews sometimes. Sorry if I said anything offensive.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2 p.m. CST

    Near Dark

    by Harker8

    Wait a Near dark that one with Bill Paxton and Lance Henriksen? I hated that one.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:05 p.m. CST

    "bullets of encapsulated sunlight"?!?

    by PlantBoy!

    Wow, that sounds dumb. I understand this movie will suck, but I got bored of "Pyul's" review.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:11 p.m. CST

    to Fugly Dev

    by ZuZuPetals

    nothing you don't see happening here at AICN or at most any internet site devoted to behind the scenes scoops and reviews. appearantly an associate site named has a guy who worked on Jeepers Creepers 2 who raved about how good that movie was while ripping apart other competing horror movies and somebody didn't like it (most likely people who worked on those other movies.)

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:24 p.m. CST

    What a great review

    by Doc_McCoy

    Sorry, forgot the bloke's name already, but that third review not only describes my exact feelings about this piece of shit film, but articulates his thoughts better than perhaps any review I have ever seen on this site. Avoid this garbage flick at all costs. On another note, agree that NEAR DARK was a great vampire flick.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:26 p.m. CST

    Goon Bighead

    by Glass

    Thanks, buddy. I'll take your word for it. If you said you didn't like 28 Days Later, I would have assumed you were a chump, but seeing that you did, I am ready to believe that Cabin Fever is on the other side of garbage.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:33 p.m. CST

    For the undiscerning

    by malcarne

    I too enjoyed Pyul's review. People have such low expectations for films because they don't know how to watch them. They have no knowledge of film, film history, the film industry, their place as a cog in the film industry. Or, especially on this site, they're twelve years ld and think the horror film began with the post-ironic refuse heaped upon the viewing public lo these many years. Not to mention people are so eager for the most base of genre conventions that they'll devour and yawn-inducing vampire vs. werewolf, aliens vs. predator, batman vs. she-ra, ray Harryhausen vs. the wachowski bros. tripe to come down the pike. Washed-out, Matrixy, pvc, slo-mo, cgi: how can there be a market for this? Stay home, rent something with subtitles(and read them), or something from horror's 70's heydey, and keep your money out of the hands of a truly demonic music video director's first feature. Don't encourage them. Oh, and for the record, I don't need to see boobies in a ten dollar ticket crapfest. That's what porn is for. And another thing, those with a modicum of discernment are repelled by the ear-hemmorhagingly DULL shitstorm referred to by some as "industrial" music(uh..try again Jethro) that seems slathered over all of these types of pics. adolescents tend not to have great taste in mujsic, but they sure buy up those rap-metal, pseudo-electronica, non-industrial cd's at the mall. See Underworld get necrotizing fasciitis.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:34 p.m. CST

    It must be said again and again...

    by IFartOnYourGrave

    Fuck first posters, fuck them up their stupid asses

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:35 p.m. CST

    leather is good but

    by CuervoJones

    gothic is for cathedrals

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:37 p.m. CST

    Harry's Bias

    by xsi kal

    I appreciate that this is Harry's site, but it drives me crazy when he takes people's reviews and tries to color them to the point where they are either validating his opinion or worthless because they don't. My read on the above reviews? 1 person hated it, 1 person thought it was "ok", and 1 thought it was decent. Harry's take on it? "Capone, Quint and Pyul. Which two ream the soulless cinematic turd called UNDERWORLD and which one kinda liked it?" Gee, that's professional. One of the strengths of AICN (outside of Moriarty) is the fact that you have so many disparate voices coming together to talk about films. For God's sake, let them fucking talk about film without you trying to spin it this way or that. Oh, to respond to Quint's observation of Beckinsale from the Con, "she radiated contempt and superiority at Comic-Con. She is one of those girls that has "Bitch" stamped on her forehead"... I was there too and figured she was either: (1) bored (like Quint said) or (2) nervous and shy. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and going with (2). (She didn't seem to give off ANY attitude in the Van Helsing talk, so hopefully that means something) For the record, I think Underworld will very much be a B movie, but I'm going there with the intention of seeing a hot woman in tight clothing and a little mindless mayhem.

  • Another example of how the people in Hollywood are unoriginal idiots w/ no talent whatsoever

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:41 p.m. CST

    Vampires and Religion Go Hand in Hand

    by FrankCobretti

    I think we lose something when we disassociate vampires from gothic Christianity. What's scarier than death? Ask any Baptist preacher: eternal damnation. Dracula doesn't just kill Miss Lucy; he enslaves her, damns her soul, and sentences her to eternal suffering in the bowels of Hell. Now, *that's* scary! When you turn vampirism into just another disease, virus, or mutation, you remove the element of damnation and all you have is left Michael Meyers with fashion sense. -->pp I read that there are thoughts of a sequel to Dog Soldiers. The idea is to be that the werewolves are actually the result of some kind of genetic testing by the Her Majesty's Army. BAD IDEA! Keep those werewolves supernatural! Once again, science isn't scary: the things lurking in the shadows just beyond the firelight are. --->pp By the way, I'm not looking to start a religion-themed flame war here. I'm just sayin'.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Near Dark is great

    by CuervoJones

    Come on, Bishop, Hudson and Vasquez as vampires!!!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 3 p.m. CST

    Nice piece of racism there, Pyul Mactackle.

    by Paddy_McGinty

    Why didn't you say "they're all Eurotrash except the one that's a big nigger"? When the contributors to this site start using language like this it gives the green light for the minority of imbeciles who come here to start peddling their racial and national hatreds.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 3:14 p.m. CST

    Underworld is far better than these reviews

    by Omega Effect

    Caveats: First: Don't expect a horror movie, or a monster movie, really. UW is 50% exposition/origin/franchise setup, 50% gun-fu and fang-banging action. The posted reviews all have in common some niggling about how the movie doesn't personally honor this or that vamp or wolf trope to which they hold dear. Good, I say. Go in with a blank slate and simply pay a little attention to how this pocket universe of vamps/wolves is set-up, and what kind of rules they play with. It is a fully realized and self-contained world for its particular story, yet still leaves room for imagination and expansion (just like the first Matrix, to use a positive comparison to that series). It's damn clever and truly no less derivative or heretical to common vamp myths as the Blade series, which this almost seems like a side-story to, something that might have been going on in Hungary while the Daywalker was busting up Prague. Second: The acting _is_ betrayed a bit by the casting budget. Craven is to be singled out for career achievement in ham-fucking. Hormel may have secretly underwritten his contract, but having said that, the rest of the characters acquit themselves honorably and with B-picture flair, particularly Viktor, Selene and Raze. Third: The reviews here have a lot of factual errors. Saw the movie Monday night. Definitely feel like I saw a different film than the reviewers. Once again, maybe they just really missed stuff, or got too mired in the vamp/wolf baggage they brought in. The trailer _absolutely does not_ contain all the big-time effects shots in the movie. The trailer doesn't even come close to giving away the Lycan transformation scenes or even hint at a righteous regenerative scene that would even impress Wolverine. (Effects sidebar: There are a striking lot of practical effects and stunt/wirework in this film. Enjoy it while it lasts. The CG/process work belies the thrifty budget, as well. Couldn't really believe they made the movie look so good on the cheap.) Also, the description of the "daylight bullets" really needs to be clarified. Do you remember the UV grenades in Blade 2? Same thing, only different. Picture clear-jacketed rounds with some sort of UV liquid inside. The vamps are well-armed, too. For example: Their universe's rules dictate that pure silver will only slow down a Lycan's regeneratve powers unless it strikes a major organ. (The general hardassness of the Lycans is lost on the reviewers as well.) How do yo kill a bunch of them all at once? Fill a grenade with silver nitrate. The resulting chunks of bad guy are guaranteed never to regenerate. There's twenty other ways Senor MacTackle and Co. get it wrong by omission or misrepresentation. Wish I had the time and patience to lay them all out for you, but it requires far too much spoilage of the great narratve UW presents. See for yourself - give this picture a chance. It's almost like this site sometimes tries to spite a movie which is a guaranteed sale to draw attention the the smaller /indie competition. Fear of a popcorn movie burying an indie is legit, but the way the weight is thrown around here can be really childish. This site is populated and sustained by movie lovers. Folks who are not constrained by "if you only see one movie this..., see..." Folks who will see Underworld and Lost in Translation on the same weekend and hopefully enjoy them both. Then again, it's not my house. Thanks for reading. PS: Anyone in NC should know the Carolina in Durham is screening The Wall Friday night, and will be chasing it this time next month with the one-two punch of The Warriors and They Live. OK - now I'm really all out of bubblegum.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 3:19 p.m. CST

    omega effect

    by Glass

    So tell me how you would compare Underworld, to, say, The Ninth Gate.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Ninth Gate

    by Omega Effect

    Sorry, friend. Haven't seen it. It's been on the list for a while now. Other than name-checking its influences, I can't really compare Underworld to another movie yet. The closest I get in general effect is the Blade series. Speaking of Blade, did any of you out there notice the Ra's al Guhl / Talia vibe of the lead vamps in Blade 2? Goyer wrote that one, correct? Wonder if that will reflect in his Batman script...

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 4:02 p.m. CST

    Sometimes I hate myself, but....

    by earthworm_

    ...there is no goddamn way I am NOT seeing a film with an ass kicking Kate Beckinsdale in leather. And this is from someone who resisted the urge to see either Tomb Raider film.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 4:26 p.m. CST

    why can't they go back to having werewolves like the wolfman in

    by BEARison Ford

    now there was a werewolf that scared the shit out of me as a kid.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 4:31 p.m. CST

    Movie myths.

    by Psychonaut

    The funny thing is that the traditional view of vampires which we have in the movies (tall, aristocratic, evening suit, looks like Christopher Lee) is a purely Victorian invention. Bram Stoker's description of Dracula has become the standard, but is completely different to the vampires of East European myth, who were ugly, smelly, bloated walking corpses. Even odder, the pointy teeth were on one side of the mouth only, with one on the upper jaw and one on the lower. The aim was to snag a pit of skin between the teeth, and then sort of suckle at the wound. At no point does any of them wear a dinner jacket. This sounds a bit closer to the vampires in From Dusk Till Dawn than anything else I can think of (off the top of my head). I still think the vampire in the old silent Nosferatu was the scariest screen bloodsucker though. Changing the subject slightly, the praise for Dog Soldiers which has been going on above is entirely deserved, and it should also be noted that the film contains the funniest Matrix reference ever.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 4:46 p.m. CST

    Nice try, BRU...

    by Psychonaut

    Dude, seriously. A 3rd Tomb Raider film is entirely unecessary in that scenario. All we really need is a 20 - 30 minute short in which Keira, Angelina and Rhona (what's with all the names ending in 'a'?), have a big old three way catfight, before surrendering to their mutual sapphic lusts. Instead of a set, you'd just need a big paddling pool half full of mud. Or custard maybe. You know that's what you're really trying to suggest here. No harm in being honest about it.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 4:47 p.m. CST

    another thought, why do all these new vampire/werewolf movies ha

    by BEARison Ford

    remember shit like the lost boys? that movie was rooted in HORROR and comedy, not all this matrix stuff. i wish we could go back to stuff like that

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 5:02 p.m. CST

    OK, I'm an idiot

    by FrankCobretti

    What Matrix reference in Dog Soldiers?

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 5:03 p.m. CST

    "Weeth you, nehfer a qvickie. Alvays a longgie."

    by FrankCobretti

    George Hamilton. Best. Screen. Vampire. Ever.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 5:20 p.m. CST

    Why not just use a powerful UV lamp?

    by Shan

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 5:37 p.m. CST

    To FrankCobretti

    by Psychonaut

    Its after the soldier called Spoon try to have a fist fight with one of the werewolves, the Sarge and Kevin McKidd's character run into the room, which is completely strewn with gore. They hatch a plan to escape, then McKidd goes "Where's Spoon?" To which the Sarge looks at the bloody mess in the room and replies "There is no Spoon." Well I thought it was funny.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 6:05 p.m. CST has werewolves....and vampires....

    by Ribbons could this be?

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Beckinsale was great (and pretty damn hot) in COLD COMFORT FARM

    by beamish13

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 6:12 p.m. CST

    sunny bullets

    by Xyzan

    Why do all the reviewers have to focus on the fact that Kate Beckinsale has a shiny arse in the trailers? Surely the film has more to recommend itself with than that? Oh yes, well

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 6:20 p.m. CST

    Talking about vamp flicks

    by pax256

    Ive seen many but missed many too. I could recommend the one my cousin was in: Karmina, a french-canadian comedy a la Vampires Ball kinda comedy. Better than the Ken Russell mess her older sister was in called Gothic (she played Claure Clairmont). Anyone know if we'll ever get to see that masterpiece Vampire's Ball by Roman POlnski on dvd anytime soon?

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 6:41 p.m. CST


    by paddington

    One of my all time favourite groups is underworld. From now on... when I mention the name of the group, I shall a tinge of shame cross my cold, bitter heart. I pray people are gullible enough to believe this movie is quality material. Please Matchstick Men and Once Upon Time In Mexico, hold your justified dominence over the box office one more weekend!!!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 6:57 p.m. CST

    Vampire flicks

    by Anomaly

    If you have not seen the made for tv movie Salem's Lot I recommend it highly. This movie has the scariest and coolest looking vampire I have ever seen in this genre.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 7 p.m. CST

    Disagree with Quint on flashback love story...

    by hurrem

    That was the most pointless scene in the movie because a) it contradicted the "we need Michael`s blood to create vampire/werewolf hybrid", b) made the cause of vamp/ww war ever more stupid and c) was more interesting than the passionless Selene/Michael story. They should`ve either left it out or, if they wanted real Romeo/Juliet overtone, replace Underworld`s current storyline with the storyline seen in the flashback.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 7:12 p.m. CST

    Encapsulated sunlight bullets? Yeah, I got some of those right

    by FluffyUnbound

    I can't think of a more stupid concept ever being voiced to me. Ever. Encapsulated sunlight bullets belong in a movie starring Justin and Kelly.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 7:45 p.m. CST

    Hey Psychonaut

    by FrankCobretti


  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:09 p.m. CST

    "it was like chasing the best merlot in the world with a diet co

    by Voice O. Reason

    Would this be the wrong time to point out that diet coke has no calories?

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:15 p.m. CST

    I liked "Ginger Snaps"

    by davros

    That was a decent werewolf flick that was made recently. In my opinion, anyway. It's ok if you don't like it.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 8:30 p.m. CST


    by Goon Bighead

    I would say that 'Cabin Fever' is better than movies like 'Jeepers Creepers' and 'Final Destination', but for me it just didn't live up to the hype. I mean people were fucking saying this was the second coming of horror. It definitely isn't. It's got all the ingredients, dumb teens, nekkid girls, a few jolts, and some jokes. But there wasn't any ground broken, as all the hype suggested.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 9:32 p.m. CST


    by ZuZuPetals


  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:40 p.m. CST

    You dumb fucks...

    by The Walrus

    This movie is as good as it looks. If you think it looks bad then just forget about it. It's like another Blade 2 except less painful and a bit more original. If you think it looks good however you'll probably love it. Fuck the nitpicking, this movie delivers.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:45 p.m. CST

    Xyzan, How Can Someone Get Bored About Spreading God's Word? It

    by DevilMusicSucks

    Satan is trying to manipulate you into thinking anything that is remotely Christian is boring. Don't listen to him. Cast that evil Devil out of your movie and musical library and out of your life forever. Listen to the word of God and be saved or you will be cast into the firey pits of Hell to burn for eternity! Jesus loves you!

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 10:52 p.m. CST

    By the way..

    by The Walrus

    Plenty of good Werewolf movies come out. Ginger Snaps and Dog Soldiers were both awesome.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:16 p.m. CST


    by Xyber_Hex

    No offense, but I will not take anything to heart from people who adore the Matrix and believe that black pvc or leather is a "Trinity" thing like the "Matrix" look wasnt a staple at goth clubs many years before the Matrix gave its first fanboy a little hard on. I think people have just forgotten how to go to a movie just for the ride, now they go in with assinine expectations and preconceptions of what SHOULD be going on. I love the Full Moon Subspecies series, I Love movies like To Die For and the better but not as known To Die For 2, I loved Razor Blade Smile, Vampire Journals, and honestly, I even found a couple of bright spots in Queen of the Damned so Friday I will be there front and center for at least one showing.

  • Sept. 17, 2003, 11:33 p.m. CST


    by Xyber_Hex

    But i will say that the lack of at least feeding and animalistic urges does piss me off, as well as the lack of everyday people being wrapped up in the crossfire. That and the "being bitten will turn you" is the most irritating drivel in this genre of movies that there is.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 12:56 a.m. CST

    my two cents worth

    by monkeytail

    I realize my opinion probably doesnt matter, but what the hell. First, you shouldn't see or not see a movie because of what someone else says, stop being mindless sheep and form your own opinions. Second, just because you don't like the plot or ideas in underworld are doens't mean they aren't good, the director makes the movie the way he invisions it, if you don't like it don't watch it. It's pointless to compare Underworld to other movies like the Matrix or Dark City or Dracula, because its not the matrix or dark city or dracula. Get over yourselves and your egos. Its just a movie. Just to put in perspective how scenes in Underworld look like Matrix ripoffs, think about this, in the Matrix when Morpheus gives Neo the talk about the pills and mentions alice in wonderland, no one threw a temper tantrum about it, so relax about how it might be similar in some ways to another movie. In closing, yes Near Dark is classi, I myself think Dracula 2: Ascension and Midnight Mass are both good films if only for a few decent performances, I'm sure that I have errors and typos, and just because the almighty Harry doesn't like it doesn't make a movie bad he also might take note of other talkbacks and let other people's reviews speak for themselves, he's only a man, Harry isn't a god, and if he didn't like the Matrix :realoaded who gives a shit, they're just movies, entertainment, they aren't ment to be your sole purpose for living, and no I'm not saying praise the lord, I'm just saying relax its only a movie.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 1:54 a.m. CST

    About that 'Skin Care' commercial that Quint saw before the movi

    by Psyclops

    I may be wrong but I think that's supposed to be a 'teaser' for RESIDENT EVIL 2. It's a mock advertisement for a new product brought to you by the Umbrella Corporation.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 2:05 a.m. CST

    For you TB'ers asking about THE NINTH GATE...

    by FrankDrebin

    It's not bad. It's got Johnny Depp, good music, a mysterious femme fatale, a clever title sequence, and an over-the-top villain in Frank Langella, but it kind of falls apart at the end. The movie was half over before I realized that it's actually a comedy. Not a broad comedy like Polanski's FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS, but you're supposed to chuckle at the weird characters and how Depp gets thumped on the head every five minutes.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 2:41 a.m. CST

    There's already an UNDERWORLD sequel in the works...

    by FrankDrebin

    ...according to They'll probably follow TOMB RAIDER 2's marketing strategy and claim that they learned from their mistakes with the first film.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 3:50 a.m. CST

    Quints kidding right?

    by ClaireKA

    He doesn't really think the ad before the movie was for a real product, does he? Please tell me the big words that said "Resident Evil" was a clue that it was a teaser trailer for the new movie!

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 3:50 a.m. CST

    "a huge black dude?"

    by BAMF

    Why, Quint, was it important to your "article" to inform us that one of the writers was a huge black dude. Next time you think about using such a superfluous qualifier, simply insert "white dude," "white chick," or "asian chap" as a qualifier where appropriate. You'll quickly see how provincial you sound.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 7:42 a.m. CST

    The Purpose of Criticism

    by FrankCobretti

    Hi gang. This seems like a good opportunity to vent over one of my personal pet peeves: people saying, "Don't listen to anyone else. See the movie and decide for yourself." Film criticism, or even just BSing about movies with one's friends, serves an important purpose: time management. With a limited amount of time to devote to entertainment, we have to choose between a variety of entertainment forms. The thought process goes something like this: 'Hmm, I have a few extra hours Thursday afternoon. Should I see a movie, read a book, watch TV, play a video game, write long diatribes about how much better movie X is than movie Y in the Talkbacks, or maybe go mountain biking or swimming? Think I'll see a movie. Which one? Well, I don't have enough time to see every picture in the megaplex, and I can't trust the studios' marketing departments to help me make an informed choice. I know - I'll get the opinions of people who've seen the various pictures I'm considering, people who don't have a financial interest in getting me to see one movie or the other. That information, coupled with my own taste and intuition, usually keeps me from feeling robbed when I'm walking out of the theater.' Criticism: it saves us time and money.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 8:33 a.m. CST

    Traditional vampires

    by Blue_Demon

    Yeah Psychonaut, those Old World Mythology vampires were nasty boogers. Can you imagine seeing one of those on a lonely road? Fucking hell! Also, to the talk-backer who said that sunlight being dangerous to vampires is a Hollywood invention, I think there are old legends about keeping a vampire up until sunrise. One of the weirdest ways was to spread LOTS of poppy seeds or mustard seeds on the roof of your house so that when the vampire flew down, he would be compelled to count every single seed, thus keeping him there until sunrise. Next morning, you just get up, shower, brush your teeth, get dressed and get the charred corpse off your roof. ( What would the neighbors say? ) Oh, and to Anomaly, yeah I agree with you about Barlow the Vampire from the tv version of "'Salem's Lot" being scary, but he was based on Count Orlock from the 1922 movie "Nosferatu." In the novel by Stephen King, Barlow is described as aristocratic ( if memory serves ). God I love this topic!

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 8:44 a.m. CST

    To the vampire expert . . .

    by Rain_Dog

    Just a little nitpick - you said vampires could traditionally go out in the day without any loss of powers. According to Dr. Van Helsing, they *do* lose a great deal of their power during the day (ie, the ability to transform into a wolf or bat, although it should be noted that this particular facet of the vampire mythology was also, I believe, introduced by Stoker), although they suffer no ill effects. The sunlight thing first appeared in Marnau's Nostferatu - it was a neat way of wrapping up the story without taking the whole shemozzle back to Transylvania (or, like, Bremen or wherever it was in the movie) and also showed off the colour-tinting process Marnau used on the film to differentiate between different time of day (I think it was yellow for daytime, blue for night-time, and brown for twilight, but feel free to correct me), since you couldn't shoot at night back then.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 8:52 a.m. CST

    all the better to eat you with ...

    by SpeakersCorner

    I haven't seen any mention on this site of the bloody marvellous werewolf film Brotherhood of the Wolf. Okay so it's made by the French, but that shouldn't be held against them, especially since they had the sense to have Monica Bellucci's fabulous naked body spread all over the place. Has it been released in America?

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 9:44 a.m. CST

    goon bighead

    by Glass

    Yes, that doesn't surprise me at all. I was sort of looking forward to seeing it, but regardless of what the above reviewer says, I actually am quite skillful at calling the quality of a film based on its trailer, and this movie just doesn't look that great. I'd love for it to be a fucking shit-your-pants thrill ride, but it looks cliched and completely unoriginal. Thanks for your opinion.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 9:49 a.m. CST


    by Glass

    I actually saw 9th Gate, but I was curious about whether Underworld was similar to that film in that it isn't about the actual terror but rather about FINDING the terror. For instance, 9th Gate is not about HELL, but about the search for hell. That disappointed some viewers because they were hoping for thrills rather than suspense. I was one of those viewers until I saw it a second time and realized that it's actually pretty decent once I let go of the idea of the Rosemary's Baby-grade of horror. That's what Underworld sounds like to me, but at a lower grade.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 10:24 a.m. CST

    Seems this turkey is hackneyed in every way

    by vernicious_knid

    Don't know if this is old news in these forums but I just saw this mentioned in the latest ish of TV Guide. Check out the similarity between the posters for Underworld and the cancelled Birds of Prey TV series: BoP Poster: Underworld Poster: Pretty frickin' shamless, Sony.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 10:32 a.m. CST

    RE; The 9th Gate

    by vernicious_knid

    9th Gate was decent but I can't help but wonder if Polanski's hand was forced to include the supernatural elements. The book on which it was based, The Club Dumas was replete with Satanism but it never stepped over the line that separated occult fanaticism from the metaphysical. Anyway, I highly recommend it. =)

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 12:14 p.m. CST

    another proud limping spectacle of torn narrative tissue

    by BilboFett

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 1:29 p.m. CST

    Bill Nighy's voice

    by misterhappy

    Not seen the film, nor do I want to, but damn does that guy have a great voice, if not the greatest voice. ever. It's like molten chocolate mixed with a couple of bad fridays in a hot air balloon. Orgasmic.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 2:16 p.m. CST

    to Frank Cobretti

    by ZuZuPetals

    the key line in your musings is **************"I'll get the opinions of people who've seen the various pictures I'm considering, people who don't have a financial interest in getting me to see one movie or the other."******************** astounding you've been fooled into believing you're getting that here. If you simply want to know whether to see a picture or not you follow a simple number ratings system or put a simple summation at the beginning and end so people can just focus on your immediate thoughts and based on that and the reviewers past tastes you know whether the movie is good or not. When you start writing spoiler filled reviews packed full of verbage to degrade or build up a movie you want a little more than just to give people your opinion. You want to see the movie fail or win. It's a sad society when clever and colorful phrases can persuade people to ignore common sense. One day people who do this will look back and realize they had far too much influence with too little brains and wielded their opinions like 8 year olds with their dads guns. At lease... we hope.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 2:40 p.m. CST

    hey bladerunnerunit

    by Glass

    I thought I recognized that charming broken English from somewhere! How are you, buddy?

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 2:53 p.m. CST

    Beckinsale Not Hot ?

    by Itchy

    "She's a very, very cute girl, but she radiated contempt and superiority at Comic-Con" Uh ... I've been to Comic-Con and guess what ? She is superior you lard ass, greasy haired pizza-stained-t-shirt wearing freaks. She is one of the most obnoxiously hot chicks in the planet, and I can fully understand why she wouldn't be too thrilled about being surrounded by a sea of hyper-masturbatory zitfaced dorks that run wild at Comic-Con. Do you all really think Patrick Stewart and the rest of the ST gang like being with you either ? Give me a break. Kate is a pretty decent actress with a bad nose for scripts who makes too many chick flicks when she'd be better off playing the offbeat love interest in male oriented movies (see also Winona Ryder). My only complaint about her is that now that she is "making it" in Hollywood, she seems to have stopped taking her shirt off in flicks. For god's sake, Kate - no one is going to take you seriously as an actress until you star in "Bound II: Electric Boogaloo" with Katie Holmes.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 3:04 p.m. CST

    Hey ZuZuPetals

    by FrankCobretti

    I submit that sampling a broad range of opinions, including those on this site, can give you a fair idea of whether or not you will like a given picture. Let me give you two examples. I'll lead off with Open Range. When I first heard about this movie, I saw two big, glaring words: Kevin Costner. "Pass," I thought. Then I read the universally glowing reviews both in bold and in the talkbacks. I saw 'em flip for it over at CHUD. The critic for The Washington Post loved it. "Hey," I thought, "this movie sounds like a winner, after all. I'll plunk down my cabbage and take it in." I was not disappointed. On the other hand, let's examine Extreme Ops. "Go," I thought. "I like that guy from Dark City, I like skiing, and I like to see stuff blow up real good." Then Foywonder wrote up his punishing comments, pretty much all the media outlets gave it the big blecch, and I decided to pass. I'm not advocating slavish devotion to any website or movie critic. I am, however, asserting that we can learn from the experiences of others.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 3:12 p.m. CST

    ass shots....

    by jimmychitwood

    while we are on the subject...that first shot of KB's ass in the trailer is the best ass shot i've seen since the one from entrapment of catherine guys are all pissed about fucking up "vampire myth's" DO realize that there are NO SUCH THING AS VAMPIRES, right...that's like saying, star trek talked about flying through space first, so lucas fucked it up in star wars...guys, it's a fucking movie, if they want to say that they only thing that kills vampires is john tesh's music, they can...they aren't dealing w/ real life here, they are fucking chill the hell out and wait for george the viith chicken to show up....

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 4:32 p.m. CST


    by Blue_Demon

    If you read my post carefully you'll notice that I took the time to say that there are no hard rules for mythological creatures. True, it is their (whatever studio is putting out this movie ) vampire film and they can say what they want. I am just saying that I prefer my vampires and werewolves a bit more on the traditional side. Otherwise, why sell it as a vampire vs. werewolf movie? It could be just a bunch of super-humans or mutants jumping around. The Sharks vs. The Jets in tight black leather with snappy Kung Fu moves. If a movie was about the gorgon Medusa, I'd expect a woman with snakes in her hair even though I know that she does not exist. Just my two cents. ( again...which...makes it four cents. )

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 9:37 p.m. CST

    back to you, Frank

    by ZuZuPetals

    I too agree reviews are great for time saving. My personal rule goes like this... *A person reads a short, quick, summed up review with a simple grade (like the ones in EW that have 8 or 9 people expressing their reviews with a simple grade) then that person wants to know whether or not to waste time with the movie...*A person reads a full blown, no-holds-barred review AFTER seeing the movie then they want to know what others thought of it... *But a person reads a full blown, no-holds-barred review BEFORE seeing the movie then they want to know what they should be thinking because they can't think for themselves.... As for reviewers who don't give a quick summary or a rating system and force you to dig through their full blown, no-holds-barred review... they have an agenda and a case of the "Look at me" syndrome and should be disregarded.

  • Sept. 18, 2003, 9:38 p.m. CST

    I've seen so many commercials for underworld

    by Trik

    That I'm already burned out on it

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 12:06 a.m. CST

    this film looks classic !

    by jackburtonlives

    it could this generation's MEGAFORCE ! hey BLADERUNNERUNIT, glad you liked BOTW. one of my faves. good monica scenes in it too. check out VIDOCQ too for a creepy variant on Eugene Sue's 19th century "Mysteres de Paris". if anyone wants to see a hilarious chinese matrix spoof video clip, email me and i'll send it to you.

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 12:43 a.m. CST

    I thought this is what Harry wanted???

    by AgenttSmith

    Where's the love for Underworld Harry?? You said the Matrix sucked because there were no vampires and werewolves, well, I think they listened to you, because now there's a Matrix w/ Werewolves and Vampires, and you think it sucks?? At least we didn't have to put up w/ any of this bullshit... "When I was 10, I used to give blow jobs to get into theaters, and well, this movie reminds me of the time I gave a BJ to a guy in a trench coat who was very pale, almost like a vampire, but instead of him sucking my blood, I was sucking his semen." War 11-05

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 1:06 a.m. CST

    It might be bad but is it worse than Daredevil?

    by pajamo12

    I mean, with all due respect Harry, you really dug Daredevil. And I think you were so-so on The League of Extraodinary Gentlemen. Odds are Underworld will be a bad film but unwatchable? Not fun? Even in an so bad it's good way? I doubt that. I am one of the few who can stomach DD and LXG but I take them for what they are as I will Underworld (in fact, it's already probably a better flick since I can't think of an abbreviation for it like DD and LXG.) heh heh

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 2:45 a.m. CST

    Vampires and Werewolves are minions of Satan! Repent!!!

    by NicholasWolfwood

    Put a coin into my Portable Confessional(TM)! Confess your blasphemous acts of indiscretion!

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 4:13 p.m. CST

    Encapsulated Sunlight Explanation

    by Barron34

    I saw the movie, and the term "encapsulated sunlight" comes from one of the above reviewers, not the flick. In the movie, the werewelves have some tech guy who devises bullets that contain some sort of chemical substance that is radioactive and emits "ultraviolet light". We know this because the stuff glows blue, like a black light poster. Must be kind of unnerving to a vampire that they can be destroyed by something you might be able to find in an old hippie bong shop. Anyway, "encapsulated sunlight" is a bit of a joke. It is presented as a radioactive substance in the bullets that emits light on a frequency that can harm the vampires. It's actually not a bad concept, in my opinion, and a better script would have built on these pseudo-scientific aspects.

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Pyul MacTackle Says About The Underworld Filmmaker's Ending:

    by Barron34

    "Hey, we're making another one whether you like it or not, so much so, we're not really going to end this one". I'm sorry, but wasn't that the Matrix Reloaded? I am surprised MacTackle didn't catch that one at all, given how he points out how Underworld literally pirates shots and sequences out of other movies, especially The Matrix...

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Excuse Me, This Is A $25 Million Dollar Vampire Flick Made In Hu

    by Barron34

    If you are expecting Citizen Kane, but with Vampires and Werewolves, of course you will feel fucked. I saw it, and it is what it is: a $25 million dollar gothy vampire flick made in Hunagary by a first-time director who was a prop guy. It is a mindless action film that actually pulls off a pretty cool look considering how cheaply it was made. That said, compared to a regular Hollywood film made with an actual Hollywood budget, it was OK. Shit, this is an action effects movie made for $25 million dollars by a bunch of Hunagarians..What the fuck do you expect? This is the kind of film that wouldn't even get a distribution deal if it didn't have Kate Beckinsale as the lead )apparently she is engaged to the director). Eurotrash stuff like this is made for video and cable. AND from a business standpoint, all this movie has to do is OK business, hang on for a few weeks, and sell a bit on video, and it will be profitable. The damn thing was made for $25 million bucks, and it looks OK! Shit, it practically costs $25 million bucks for Speilberg to sneeze in an editing room or for Tom Cruise to wipe his ass. I think they made a passable B-Movie for a thing shot in Hungary by a prop guy! Just as you don't judge comcicbook illustrations by the same standards you would judge a Monet, it is silly to put a B vampire movie next to film like American Splendor! Of course that sketch of Batman and Robin doesn't compare to that Rembrandt! It's a silly comparison. I have seen worse movies than Underworld. Even Ebert had the decency to give it 2 stars without eviserating it. Sheesh!

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 5:07 p.m. CST


    by Barron34

    That's funny shit, you are dead right on target. For Christ's sake, you think some good-looking chick like Beckinsale owes anyone the time of day, especially a bunch of freaks and geeks at a CON? Look, I'm a geek myself, but I'm embarrassed when packs of fat unwashed troglodyte fans inflict themselves on some star or starlette at a con like they own. Crazy shit.

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 6:17 p.m. CST

    Did I see the same Underworld that Harry did? The one I just saw

    by Doom II

    Great film overall. Lots of vicious creatures tearing the shit out of each other and Kate....Mmmmmmm. Perfect Vampire specimen. Cool sets, some decent acting (except for the Vampire boss that had no emotions or vocal range when reading his lines). Shit, I'll see it a couple more times. The movie was just what I wanted. A loud, violent, gothic monster movie.

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 10:18 p.m. CST

    some bullshit skin care thing

    by superdavid

    Uhhh....that was the trailer for Resident Evil 2. No shit. As for pirating, I thought those used to be called homages...?! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 11:19 p.m. CST

    This film would be better if it had werewolves in it.

    by Uncle Stan

    Oh shit...disregard.

  • Sept. 19, 2003, 11:28 p.m. CST

    Underworld - Flat.Boring.Good Story.Missed Opportunity.

    by Flash McThrash

    Ok 1st off they did do the crosses thing,after the subway fight when they were reloading,if u looked at the bullets they removed,the tops of them had crosses cut into them. Is anybody else tired of "action" scenes where the hero or heroine just stands still and fires and everybody else dies except him/her?They just kill all tension+excitement when they don't even try to avoid gunfire,although maybe it's a form of in-joke in that they know they're the protaganist so won't be harmed? *Spoilers!* Did they just rip off the vampire elder face-off sword slash moment from the infinitely superior (in that it was.....good) Equilibrium because it didn't do well at the box office so therefore no one would notice the steal? Humans are delt with,thats the twist,the vampires have to content themselves with livestock and synthetic blood,but Viktor ("King" Vampire dude) went for people but spared Selene and told her he saved her from the lycans - lycanthropes - Werewolves. He spares her because she reminds him of his daughter that he ordered to be killed because she was in love with the leader of the werewolf gang, Lucian. Vamp/Werewolf crossover Michael was just crap at the end of it all.One second he's superfast circling round Viktor so fast that neither Vik nor us can see it happening,the next he's getting his ass kicked and standing still while being pelted with bullets! Alzo if Viktor is so "Hard to kill otherwise you would have done it yoursef long ago" why is he just like killed so easily?Kraven could have done tht at any time when he was in his slumber state! Vamps do sleep at day - thats why they used the werewolves as daylight guardians before - slaves. *End Spoilers* Im orry but besides for cheesy reasons, i dont see how anybody can claim to like a film where the man move the lead does in attacking people is crouch slighty while firing and also being what 6 foot away from submachine guns+she has pistoolins?!!!Good cover!They'll never hit you now!Sadly they don't.(Bit where she frees Michael after handcuffing him,bit where she kisses+cuffs him nicked from tomb raider:cradle of life) Pacing and editing of action scenes was atrocious."Brutal" train slaughter came off as tame and unprovoctive. I think I'll stop now, this film doesn't deserve mine or your time.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 1:12 a.m. CST

    Way better than I expected

    by 9000rpm

    With all the poor reviews and nasty comments I wasn't expecting a lot but I was really surprised at much fun Underworld was. Kept my attention throughout (unlike that POS fanboy fave Once Upon A Time in Mexico). Sure, the demise of the villan was a direct ripoff from Equilibrium (another very entertaining, low budget action pic). Note: I read one idiot of a film critic ridiculing Underworld because the vampires drove 'small' cars! He said they would be driving Lambos. The fool probably didn't even see the film because, besides featuring a Jag and a Mercedes, the main character drove a Maserati (for about 15 minutes of screen time). I swear, most reviewers are simpletons. (I saw a critic on tv say the reason Salma Hyak wasn't in Once Upon A Time in Mexico more was because she was killed in Desperado! Waste of skin.)

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 2:22 a.m. CST

    Saw it..

    by SoonerSean

    And thought it was just fine. I think most of us have long since given up trusting anything Harry has to say about ANY movie. He loves what the masses typically call SHIT and he hates what many people enjoy. It's lost on me. I thought this one was a fine two hour ride and would entertain seeing it again. Finally... I agree with the comment above... if Harry doesn't like, it must mean the studio isn't advertising on this site.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 2:40 a.m. CST

    The reviews are way too harsh

    by gatorman4017

    Ok, I thought that I was cynical about action/horror movies, but you guys take the cake. So what if it's a little derivative (in terms of action sequences). Does every movie have to reinvent the wheel? Yes the storyline was complex, but not incomprehensible. Almost everything is fully explained by the end. After reading some of the nonsensical plot summaries in several reviews, I have to wonder if the reviewer spent half the movie at the snack bar! The action sequences were stunning and actually made sense in the context of the movie. The character development was fine for what it was...a cool action flick. Go rent Shadowlands if you want a character study. My only real criticism is that the romance between the main characters feels really forced (you wonder what the hell she sees in this guy). And honestly, it was refreshing to see a movie deal with it's ultraviolence in a more serious tone (i.e. without the stupid groan-inducing one liners and quips). What a great idea... take a wholly unrealistic concept and treat it with some realism. My point is, it wasn't perfect, but it was the first movie I've seen in a long time that I felt was worth 8 bucks. Oh, and Kate B in leather...Hot. Don't listen to the bitchy Matrix (of which I am also a fan) purists...This movie kicks ass.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 3:49 a.m. CST

    Underworld Was Freakin Fun as Hell!!

    by MentallyMariah

    What the hell is Harry thinking nowadays? Who cares what the critics think? My Friday Night Audience was pumped and primed for this kind of flick and they got exactly what the wanted! A fun fabulous freaky joyride with Kate Beckinsale entering each room like she OWNED it, She is so fierce! I loved the ending and all the gory bits! Sorry to say, but I had more fun at Underworld then Cabin Fever! Can't wait for Oct, it's gonna be loaded with goodies! KILL BILL BRING IT ON!!!

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 6:49 a.m. CST

    Biased reviews. MOVIE WAS GOOD. Sun Bullets =IRRADIATED FLUID. I

    by krims0nknite

    Movie was far from crap. Harry should be praising this, considering all the crap he spouted off about no vampires and werewolves in the matrix movie. This movie was good.. The twists were good, the war was good, the backstory was good, the actors were good. The bad was the relationship took a day to make like most movies, and there were very few fight scenes not involving guns. But movie was FAR from crap. These reviewers have just got something up their asses, maybe it's because the execs didn't fly them somewhere nice to see the movie? MOVIE WAS GOOD.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 2:16 p.m. CST

    Don't Listen To The Reviews

    by Rawhide Rex

    Did Harry and co actually watch this movie? While not the greatest movie ever is not a pile of shit (not even close)..and quite entertaining. Is it me..or do the reviewers on this site campare everything to the Matrix now? Wake up out of your Matrix induced dream folks...gun toting, PVC wearing, babes were not introduced to the world in the Matrix. Not every cool shot nowadays was gieven to us by the Matrix (in fact...the Brothers W "borrowed" a lot of their shots from other movies and comic books.) The reviwers here seem to think UW had no story. Well that is BS! Under all the gun fighting action scenes was, in fact, a story..and I quite compeling one.While not told in the best way possible, it was still there. Perhaps the reveiwers here were to busy looking for things to hate about it to notice the story. Pretty much everything is explained. Things that weren't explained were left to the viewers imagination..which is nice. Not everything has to be explained. The reviews of this film on this site can be best described by this line in Quint's review: "Oh, before I leave I have to mention the commercial attached to the print. It was for some bullshit skin care thing. Why do the studios feel they have to put these damn things on before films?" Hello Quint? Anyone there? That wasn't a was a trailer for Resident Evil 2. You didn't even see this film did you?

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Underworld grosses 8.5 million on Friday...It made back almost 1

    by Doom II

    These figure are according to Underworld was made at a cost of 20 million dollars. It will easily make that amount this weekend alone. Factor in advertising costs of 20-30 million or so and this movie will be nothing but profit come next weekend. I look forward to a sequel and more of Kate's flawless body.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 4:26 p.m. CST

    skin care commercial

    by The Real Me

    Quint you silly idiot, that was no skin care commercial... That was a cool as shit Resident Evil preview.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 5:24 p.m. CST

    Don't Listen to the reviews

    by fullmetalracket

    The only reason the "critics" on this site don't like is because there probably wasn't enough money left from this films tiny budget to suck up to them. Maybe when the sequal comes out they will have some more money to fly them out somewhere and give them VIP treatment.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 7:28 p.m. CST

    Don't trust the critics on this movie

    by PixBits

    I don't know the real reason why everyone is ganging up on this film. I found Underworld much more enjoyable than I thought I would after reading the reviews here and in the papers. Makes a friends claim of critics being frustrated screen-writers even more believable. I found the characters to be well-defined for an action picture. I had no trouble figuring out what was going on. Kate Beckinsale was better here than other films I've seen her in. I actually like her now, where before I didn't care. Shane Brolly, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy and Scott Speedman all turned in good performances. Bill Nighy's character Viktor is memorable. Do yourself a favor and ingnore the critics on this one. They got it wrong.

  • Sept. 20, 2003, 8:04 p.m. CST

    trailer shown in screening

    by astroesque

    i mentioned this on another thread..but i was wondering if anyone else went to a screening of underworld and had the chance to see the trailer included with it..(i don't want to ruin anything..) i wanted to see it again..but i couldnt find it online.. it was excellent!

  • Sept. 21, 2003, 11:36 a.m. CST

    Skin Care Resident Evil Teaser

    by Saluki

    Wow. The fact that Quint didn't know about this just makes one laugh and laugh and laugh and then discard his entire review.

  • Sept. 21, 2003, 6:26 p.m. CST

    Underworld Tops Box Office

    by Barron34

    Well, there you go. Even if these reviewers didn't like UNDERWORLD, it has proven to be a draw for mainstream movie goers this weekend. UNDERWORLD drew an estimated $22 million bucks in U.S. box office sales for the past weekend. Whatever you think about the film creatively, the studio and producers must be happy, as the movie has essentially made back its ENTIRE production costs in its first weekend of release. After its foreign release and dvd and video sales and rentals, you can bet that UNDERWORLD will make a tidy profit for the studio (Screen Gems, which is a division of SONY). We can probably expect to see an eventual sequel due to this fact, even though I doubt that Harry, Quint, and the rest won't be interested. I myself will be interested to see more, as I thought that UNDERWORLD was a decent low-budget supernatural action pic, that actually looked pretty good considering its budget. A fun, mindless matinee flick, in my opinion.

  • Sept. 21, 2003, 6:32 p.m. CST

    underworld was easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

    by mwhelan67

  • Sept. 21, 2003, 6:32 p.m. CST

    underworld was easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

    by mwhelan67

  • Sept. 21, 2003, 11:08 p.m. CST

    Homage vs Pirated

    by superdavid

    It seems to me that if a movie is good or considered great or something, then borrowed shots, references etc (Pulp Fiction, Matrix, Fifth Element etc) are considered "homages" and ok. But if a film is bad or considered bad, then these same things are considered "pirated". BLAH! Bunch of EFing baloney! I liked the stairwell matrix HOMAGE in Underworld. It was cool!!!!!!! I loved WATCHING this movie like eating a tasty bowl of super chocolate ice cream!!! Ok so sure the movie couldve been better written etc but on the other hand, I can't recall anyone making such a glorious goth wet dream of a movie.

  • Sept. 22, 2003, 11:52 a.m. CST

    Homage vs Pirated

    by superdavid

    It seems to me that if a movie is good or considered great or something, then borrowed shots, references etc (Pulp Fiction, Matrix, Fifth Element etc) are considered "homages" and ok. But if a film is bad or considered bad, then these same things are considered "pirated". BLAH! Bunch of EFing baloney! I liked the stairwell matrix HOMAGE in Underworld. It was cool!!!!!!! I loved WATCHING this movie like eating a tasty bowl of super chocolate ice cream!!! Ok so sure the movie couldve been better written etc but on the other hand, I can't recall anyone making such a glorious goth wet dream of a movie.

  • Sept. 22, 2003, 4:30 p.m. CST


    by SoonerSean

    My sincere hope (and belief) is that Quint knows full well the skin-care thing was for Resident Evil 2. The only reason he mentions it is b/c he knows what it's for. RE2 ran the promo to look like a commercial and Quint is having fun with it.

  • Sept. 23, 2003, 10:48 p.m. CST

    God Damn, Harry you suck

    by coolmovielover

    wtf first off all anybody that thought Matrix II sucked needs to get fucking shot. That was a retarded review you did on that movie, but I figured the few people that hated on the Matrix hated on it because they wanted to be "cool" and different from the masses. But this movie Underworld was the fucking bomb! I mean ok dude I'm a younger guy maybe that

  • Oct. 3, 2003, 8:52 p.m. CST

    Don't bother

    by BigboyG

    Wait for it to come out on video, and then wait for a 'rent one get one free' offer. It's unoriginal in every respect, it has no logic behind it (it breaks it's own rules), it has some of the worst dialogue you'll ever hear and the acting is an embarassment. The audience burst into hysterics at the line "I loved my daughter!". The worst thing for me was the unoriginality. I expected Gene Kelley to narrate between stolen clips. The fight scenes looked like Blade or Matrix, the atmosphere was ENTIRELY Blade (right down the the filters) and the weaponry was, well, every sci-fi movie you've ever seen. Junk movie gobbled up by the masses. The director should just make trailers for a living.