Cool News
POSTERS - ROTK, a new Japanese KILL BILL poster, LOST IN TRANSLATION & more!
Hey folks, Harry here... sorry to be running a bit behind on the new RETURN OF THE KING posters - fact is... life has been hectic and fighting the good fight here on the home system as I've been hit with an average of 26,000 bastard son of a 1000 whore Virus emails a day, which I swear keep changing subject lines everytime I nail a fucker down. Sigh... ohmmmmmmm... Anyways... I'm only going to highlight one of these posters. The rest you can find over at LordoftheRings.Net, but this poster is for me significant because this is how I first saw Elijah as Frodo... this version of him, not on the day he shot this scene, but at this stage of physical torment... The burnt in chain... the 5 day scrub to get out dirt look... the clothes beyond filth... basically, the standard Camp Hacknslash survivor look. I also just got the TWO TOWERS dvd that's coming out on Tuesday, and it really is a beautiful disc. The 10 minute preview thing for RETURN OF THE KING, reminds me why I love/hate Peter Jackson so much... The "I'm editing the Shelob Lair sequence" on the screen is just mind-numbingly aggravating and he knows it. If you look at that cherubic face of his, you can see the Marquis De Sade in those eyes... He's definitely got the bamboo chutes beneath our fingertips with us asking for more please sir.... The glorious bastard...
Speaking of INGLORIOUS BASTARDS... no, haven't got any art on that, but I do have the new Japanese Poster for KILL BILL. So... is this going to be a habit... that the Japanese Posters for this film have to kick more ass than the American versions? That's just not fair... Their teaser trailer was more cool, both their teaser posters are more cool... Of course, everything Japanese is more cool... Except for their BBQ, we Texans kick their ass on BBQ! Yeah... I'll take comfort in that... fuck sushi! Heh... here's the badass poster...
Ok... Speaking of Japanese things being cooler... here are 3 posters from LOST IN TRANSLATION which takes place in Japan... Tokyo to be specific and I really like the two posters for the film itself... In specific, I love the poster with Scarlett... there's a really nice elegance to that image, the look on her face and the absurdity that can't be denied regarding that Brontosaurus in the background. I love that. Here are the first two...
Speaking of Absurdity... In LOST IN TRANSLATION, there is a character played by Anna Faris that is staying in the hotel that Bill and Scarlett are occupying, and she's doing a press junket there... not a main storyline, just one of the meaningless things that is happening at the hotel that helped make life that much more boring for the two main characters... BUT anyway... Anna does a fantastic job of playing a vapid and inconsequential fluff personality in the film... I believe her scenes are what it would be like if you ever happened to meet Brittany Spears in a hotel on a Junket weekend... Anyway... here's the poster for her fictional action film with Keanu Reeves that appears in the movie... here ya go...
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huzzah
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Would you believe me if I said I was drunk?
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May is a great film and Anna Faris needs more love. On a completely unrelated topic, Scarlett Johansson is also hot.
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Aug 24, 2003 4:16:52 AM CDT
Wow, i've never been 4th before... I've been 1st, 2nd, and 3rd..
by theginger twit
Lord or the rings make good posters.
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we want it!
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Aug 24, 2003 5:27:54 AM CDT
Gee, I wonder if this one will have crying midgets and prancing
by sea bass
Overrated tripe.
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Movie posters aren't the only things that are often look better in Japan. I'm amazed at how often the Japanese release DVD covers are cooler looking too.
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No seriously, and Scarlett Johansson: DAMN!!
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It might be true to say that Texan BBQ is better BBQ than raw fish, but surely that's as redundant as pointing out that Ornette Coleman is a more influential free jazz saxophonist than Melanie Griffith. On topic? Can't wait for Two Towers. What can I say, I like crying midgets. Still dubious about Kill Bill, but I don't want to get banned/flamed/told I have no appreciation or understanding of film so let's pretend I think it will be the second coming of Christ, okay? Finally, Inglorious Bastards is a cumbersome title. Glorious Bastards would sound a helluva lot better, and would mean essentially the same thing to anyone with any faculty for the appreciation of irony. But who am I to question the great Quentin? I'm just a carping, whining naysayer with no more right to visit this site than Paul WS Anderson - indeed, me and my DVD player should be ritualistically sacrificed for even daring to suggest that Kill Bill will be anything less than the greatest movie ever. Have I got that about right? As you can tell, I'm still a little peeved about Harry's fascist rantings the other day. Every once in a while, I think to myself "He hasn't even seen the movie yet," and I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.
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I LOVE Bill Murray. (in a hetero, appreciate his immense talent kind of way). I LOVE Scarlet Johansson (in EVERY way). They are both insanely talented, so therefore, Lost In Translation will be the Greatest Film Of All Time.
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Aug 24, 2003 8:21:46 AM CDT
Don't forget, this dvd of LOTR:TT is the Peter Jackson "I'm goin
by rolling_stone
Wanky bastard! Making people pay twice for DVD's The first time I thought it was a marketing mistake. But no, Peter Jackson shows us once again that he's out for your hard earned dollars any rip-off way he can. Shame on him and New Line.
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I wish you idiots would shut up about Peter Jackson 'sticking it' to us because he is releasing an extended version of a great film. You say Rip-off? US$18 and $26 is nothing to bellyache about. Try the prices here in Japan, Yen3700 and 8300, more than twice what you are paying. Lucas has 'stuck' us all far worse. I will even venture a guess and say many of you bought every 'version' of Reservoir Dogs when it was re-released recently - gotta get all the pretty colors, right! nobody bellyached then.... Go PJ - keep up the great work, you are making history!
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The Japanese are fad crazy and have no taste. Now CNN is reporting Japanese are spending $3000 to buy chihuahas because it's the latest fad. If the yanks told them sticking a finger up the arse was the latest thing there'd be thousands of Japanese saying "Sniff my rucky bwown fingah!
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will flame the coals of any texan bbq any day of the week. seriously. they have whole restaurants devoted to just bbqing food. it's worth travelling half way round the world just to try them.
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Aug 24, 2003 9:51:22 AM CDT
You know, Peter Jackson would really be sticking to us...
by nocturnaloner
...if he hadn't announced that that was how he was releasing the discs SIX FUCKING MONTHS BEFORE THEY CAME OUT.
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damn..shiggar...fraggar only thing hot about "Ghostworld"...smokin in "Man Without a Name"...shoot.
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...it's just that our skinny, sushi-slurping pals on the Great Island have had the sense not to turn the Graphic Design profession over to any hack with Photoshop. In America, the last thing any art director wants to see is someone's portfolio... a clean-cut, corporate "look" and a resume full of grade-D horseshit is what gets you in the door. The result, of course, is what we see all around us; lame movie posters, lame layouts & design in newspapers & magazines, lame graphics on T.V. & the Internet, lame signage over stores, lame t-shirts, etc. etc. etc. This isn't likely to change because Americans are conditioned to embrace mediocrity if it means saving a few pennies or getting the job done quicker. Maybe the Japanese really are smarter than us. Or at least classier.
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let's see those posters are awesome...
I'd love to live in Japan...where I can see, as the poster states in Japanese, "Kiru Biru" ;)
Also, I think I must meet this Scarlett Johansonn person...she seems...um...quite alluring. To say the least.
Also Anna Faris is really, really hot...and I'd love to see her Midnight Velocity, even if it doesn't exist yet...
I'd love to meet the two of them watashi no tokoro de soshite... *ahem* -
It would help if graphic design were treated more as a fine art rather than as "commercial art" in the U.S. It creates a stigma among artists that automatically lowers expectations. You don't see this sort of self-loathing in the U.K. or Japan where U.S. designers regularly get their asses handed to them. Also, there a lot of U.S. designers who turn in fantastic work, only to have it hacked to death by an art director who has to placate the marketing people. Solid design usually get's thrown to the wayside while we have to deal with comments like "We need the star's name bigger!" Good design does exist in the U.S., but corporations would rather pay for the photoshop hack than the serious designer who knows what he/she is doing, because quality comes with a price. Designers in the corporate circle are only as good as the length of leash afforded them. Case in point? The Matrix poster campaign (handled without the studio) vs. the design of the DVDs (which are very apparently handled by the studio's in-house design team).
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He looks slim and trim...good for him.
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Aug 24, 2003 12:02:47 PM CDT
You think that Cross with the blood slash through it would fly i
by boris the blade
Not so sure about that one, but we'll see. It'll probably be big heads...
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I wouldn't talk about Japanese BBQ unless you've actually had it, Harry. Yakiniku rules!! Well, technically it is Korean, but it is the predominant type of BBQ eaten here in Japan. If you are in San Antonio, you can get some at Sam Won down on I think Rittiman or Eisenhower road just off I-35. (It's a shame about the triple homicide/armed robbery that happened there last year, the guy got the death penalaty for it) Instead of huge hunks of meat that can vary in quality and taste, yakiniku (Korean BBQ) uses thin slices of deliciously marinated beef that you cook by yourself at the table. And all kinds of other goodness comes with it, like kimchi and other side stuff. Anyway...I guess that's not for everybody, but I like it a lot. chou osusume !
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As a fellow Austinite I must come to the defense of Harry. There are a consistent minoriey of talkbackers who revel in castigating our boy reporter for his name dropping and the occasional rambling review. Harry is the outsider who slapped up a web site and started ranting at the moon. He did this because it was fun and because he could. The web fad was a fairly new thing and because people started tuning in and paying attention he was taken seriously. Harry proved that it doesn't matter how you look or who you are in cyberspace, it only matters what you are. In case some of you Ignorant McNuggets don't get it I will explain. Harry's writing style and personality are meant to share with us little guys what it is like to find yourself having a substantive disscussion with the rich and powerful from your Manufactured Home (trailer) somewhere in South Austin Texas. Harry has not lost his innocense and is still truly amazed that he is taken as seriously as he is. I tune in for the name dropping because I find the thought of Harry the red headed troll sitting in his lair surrounded by computers and piles of tapes and cd's picking up the phone and finding Peter Jackson on the other end inviting him to New Zealand. I want to hear about Harry the awkward son of hippy parents having BBQ with someone like Elija Wood. If you are so jaded as to not appreciate what is going on here you should spend more time rotting your brain with the Drudge Report. Goldboink Out!
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Her hair has too many split ends, and her skin is kinda oily, and she does this squinty thing with her eyes that makes her look like like she has downs syndrome. Other than that she's hot...oh and her tits are pointy and funny looking and spaced to far apart.
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is a cameo appearance by Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan wrestling.
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Is QT forgetting to add his 25 minute contribution to FOUR ROOMS to his film catalogue, making KILL BILL "The 4-1/4 Film From Quentin Tarrentino"? Or would he just rather forget that waste of celluloid... This isn't Quentin bashing! I've liked everything else he has done before and since.
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I thought it was released to the great unwashed on Tuesday too but when I went into London on Saturday there were frigging Two Towers displays everywhere. I had to buy one even though I'd ordered mine online months ago and another copy is presumably stuck in the post.
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but the lost in translation posters look way too wes andersonish. the style, the font, the bizarre (yet perfect) details, the coppola bloodline, the bill murray, etc... not that i'm complaining. murray gives his best performances in these things. i just wish sofia coppola would've stuck to a similar tone as that of the virgin suicides rather than ape the whole wes anderson ambiance.
www.theroadtosuccess.reallysucks.com -
Yes they are loverly posters indeed. And I second MorGoth's approval of the Two Towers DVD. I love the ROTK preview on it, too and love even more the Extended version preview. And MorG, didja see the spoiler over on the Downunder article? Legolas and Oliphaunts, huzzah!
***And now to dispatch a few
trolls (donning Dernhelm-like armor and grabbing Sting) Yo, SeeBass: re crying midgets, yes, my love, this one will have at least four crying midgets and perhaps several crying men and crying elves as well (not to mention all the crying audience members). And some of the midgets
will be hitting others (enemies, I'd expect) with swords and for certain the Men and Elves will. Ya got two choices: get used to ROTK dominating the twin kingdoms
of film and the geeks, or, turn off your electricity. I say, come on December!***Grey Elf: Harry does know Elijah and Elijah has said Harry tipped him off that the LOTR project was casting in the first place. You do realize that calling Harry a "tard -
Ahem...that's a Brachiosaurus, not a "Brontosaurus". Thank you.
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New Line's best film was Mortal Kombat. Music in that shit rocked, the chick was hot as hell, and Scorpion would burn Frodo alive. The gay subplot in LOTR is really startin to bother me, on that other Return of the King poster it looks like Sam is holding Frodo in bed after a hard night of getting their hump on. Sick.
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Assuming for the sake of argument that you have no knowledge of the events of ROTK and are "merely" a homophobic troll, I suggest you wait until you see the film and then ask yourself precisely how YOU would hold your best friend under the circumstances.... But then, can you even imagine having a best friend? If you are that repulsed by human contact, perhaps not. What you call the "gay subplot" is a devoted friendship at the center of both book AND films, so either get used to it, or spare yourself further torment by not seeing this through.
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It's a Braceosauraus. (Don't hold me to any spelling)
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The reason people say that the two DVDs for one body of work (albeit a changed one) are a rip-off are because, well, they ARE stickin' it to the little guy (although they have the best intentions in mind). Take into account that, if people are contented with seeing Peter's uncut version of 'The Two Towers,' they're shorted out of 'The Long and Short of It,' as well as several other pieces of supplementary material and, in my opinion, fairly masterful trailers. Rather than putting less extras on the August release, New Line is putting different extras onto it, which is justifiable. Still, the interest someone may have for the extras in either set are not affected by which version of the movie they'd rather be; they're related to or cover the same production. You could just put both versions of the movie and all special features about it into the same boxed set, but then you'd either compromise the beautiful resolution achieved in both of them or wind up with a 7-disc, $150 monstrosity. It's more responsible (and probably more lucrative) to split them up and have people choose whether or not they want both rather than alienating everyone. Fair enough, but all the same, one can't help but think "If only I had those extras." It's lamentable and it's a product of consumerism, but I don't think that New Line or Peter Jackson did it to specifically rip anyone off. I mean, isn't this the approach to DVD filmmaking that angry fanboys have wanted Lucas to take with the Original Trilogy? I think that, while not a very palatable situation, the LotR DVDs are being released with as much respect to those who intend to buy them as possible. Of course New Line is looking forward to cashing in on those who want to buy two; because it's more ideal for a consumer than one big, expensive DVD. What would we ever do if we didn't have so many damn choices?
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With Hungry Joe here I obseleate (don't hold me to any spelling again) Damn I should really get a dictionary :|
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With Hungry Joe here I'm obseleate (don't hold me to any spelling again) Damn I should really get a dictionary :|
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acording to Variety.com, (http://www.variety.com/index.asp?layout=story&articleid=VR1117891287&categoryid=13&cs=1) NewlineCinema is releasing the extended editions of fotr and ttt WORLDWIDEtwo weeks before rotk, and on dec 16 there's going to be a lotr marathon satrting with fotr at 3 pm then ttt at 7 and finally rotk at 9pm. that's the best thing i've heard in months!
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...BigPotatoGirl, heh. Oh wait, I did..well, it bears repeating! Here we go, "It's New Line ripping us off again!" Still looking for that circular bruise on peoples forehead. Anyway, looks like I'll be putting in for "Geek Leave." I'm sure my pointy haired boss will understand. "Oh, uh-hum, well yes, I can see how important this ringworm thing is to you morGoth so you may take that day off." Aw, gee thanks boss (ya sap!). I hope there's an intermission between each showing or I'll have to sneak a smoke in the theater. "Snif, snif..is that what I THINK it is?" Duuuuude! ** Waves to elanor and DoT from the back of the room. ** Ribbons...freedom of choice is what you've got. Freedom from choice is what you want. I choose to buy both so that I don't have to loan out my SEV. And, some folks prefer the theatrical edition.
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eh Barstardo? What a miserbale existence you must lead. Every review you've read of the TTT DVD has been shit. Is that due to the poor writing qualities of the reviewers or your distaste for the movie itself? We wonders. Cheers. (P.S. I STILL don't have the freakin DVD yet guys, but I'm hoping to rectify that today...)
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I've already had my copy of Two Towers, and low and behold, there is a mail-in rebate for $8 off the Extended Version, or Special Collector's Edition/Gift thing extended version (the equivalent of the book ends set with Fellowship). This be Canadian, so a price difference perhaps, the point being you can get a sample of your money back. That's aint so bad. and the femme in the something Velocity or other, who is she?
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I don't know if your response to me was rhetorical or not, but I'm defending New Line's marketing campaign. The two DVDs with different extras is something like the lesser of four evils, I'm just saying that for those who are more frugal, buying one DVD is disappointing, and I was (to an extent) joking at the end of my post. Of course I prefer freedom of choice, silly!
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For one to have faith in the integrity of New Line, the assumption that some people prefer the theatrical edition is kind of a given, otherwise it's existence WOULD be pointless, and therefore, another symbol of corporate greed.
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Its no secret there are 2 versions of the film being released - they are merely giving us an OPTION. If you whiny little bitches are complaining about being ripped off you also have the option not to buy either of them. Go figure...
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I coitanly hope you're not referring to my posts. No shit they're not ripping anyone off. I said that about three times, I'm merely expressing that I would have liked to seen the extras on the theatrical version's two discs, but not enough to waste 20 bucks on them. I don't understand why that's uch a crime. If you whiny little Tolkienites feel so threatened by any disturbance in your sense of complacency that you jump the gun on everything everyone says, you CAN just not read any more posts from now on and save yourselves the stress. Go figure...
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I wasn't refering to your posts, you weren't whining.
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Well, uh....sorry then.
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...I'm sure there's a very Manly, Heterosexual reason for preferring fantasy movies that feature oiled-up male bodybuilders in fur thongs. I just can't think what it might be...
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Aug 25, 2003 2:29:08 AM CDT
I'm gone for 3 days getting a friend married and look what happe
by djinnj
A new tb starts up, and all the trolls come out. Luckily, I can speed read through them. I register for my first semester of my new grad program on Friday. I'll need to make sure 12/17/03 is unencumbered, so I can go to that LotR marathon. Just think, I'm going to schedule my entire next semester based on the release date of a film! OK, maybe not entirely. If there's a class I want to take that's on Wednesdays, I'll just have a little chat w/the prof. Maybe he/she'll be a LotR fanATIC too and we'll be having a 'holiday' on 12/17.... Re: the marathon; intermissions galore will be necessary, methinks. And just think, the theaters'll make up any lost revenue on the concession sales, what with folks missing 2 whole meals. Oh will the day never come!
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Aug 25, 2003 4:08:47 AM CDT
*Stands up and applauds Dick Hertz* Now THAT'S Trolling, "First
by noriko takaya
Pay attention, goddammit. Especially you, Sea Ass, er, Bass. Toppu o Nerae!
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Aug 25, 2003 4:12:28 AM CDT
Oh, and Stan The Bat's comeback was even better: short and to th
by noriko takaya
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actually there is such a thing as a brontosaurus it is a type a braciosaurus. but now it's called apatasaurus. brontosaurus means thunder lizard by the way.
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Not only was that the funniest troll bait I've read in a couple of years, but it also nails one of the things totally lacking in LOTR: "cool." I mean, it's well made, faithful to the source material, pleases a lot of people, and that's all well and good...but I still just can't find talking about hobbits and quests and enchanted jewelry to be "cool." Beheadings, snake demons, and virgin sacrifice though...and that music in Conan...now that stuff I can consider cool. Your milage may vary.
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The SEV's are specifically designed for true rabid fans of the movies. The theatrical versions are for the many millions who merely loved the films. The special features on the theatrical cuts are designed to appease those fans. They don't go into tremendous detail but do give some insight into the making of the movies, tease just enough to make them want to see the next installment, and are ultimately forgettable. You can watch them once and be satisfied and never watch them again. The special features on the SEV, however, are a smorgasbord of behind the scenes goodness, most of which only appeals to those so enraptured with the whole thing that they'll sit for a half hour and listen to Sean Astin direct helicopter traffic. Real Tolkien freaks. Like the ones who'd buy the Extended Version in the first place. Like me. It seems to me that if you really want to get all of those extras, which are far superior to the extras on the theatrical cut, then you should be willing to plunk down the coinage to buy the SEV. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to don my grey elven cloak and chain mail vest and pack up my 20-sided die and skedaddle down to the nearest Border's Books to join what must already be quite a sizable line. I kid. I kid because I love. Or because I'm afraid to show genuine emotions. Or something.
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This little series of posters I seriously a film geeks wet dream come true. Frodo in grungy decripitude, Uma slashing a cross, a poster for ANY Bill Murray movie (not to mention one co-starring the barely legally-lectible Scarlet Johannson AND directed by a Coppola?) Damn man. As a wierd bit of coincidence, I'm not actually wearing any sort of RenFest ephemera, but I am wearing a wicked Serial Killer (TM) T-shirt of Jules Whitfield sticking a gun in "check out the big brain on" Brett's terrified face. I just love the relaxed dress code afforded creatives, even us hacky American graphic designers. ggg'j (;{=
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Vegas, I don't know what you're talking about when you claim LOTR lacks "cool." I suppose Sauron laying the smackdown on the Last Alliance wasn't cool. Nor was Aragorn taking out the Ringwraiths, or the kick-ass game face he displayed as he grimly prepared to battle, oh, a hundred or so Uruk-Hai. Or Boromir's last stand. Or the entire freaking battle of Helm's Deep (particularly the singularly cool way Gandalf appeared with Eomer at the break of dawn.) Or the hands down coolest sequences I've personally ever seen commited to film: The Gandalf vs. Balrog fight, parts I & II. True, there really hasn't been a whole lot of hobbit-related coolness (At least not of a mindless action movie sort) but TRUST ME, there will be coolness aplenty in ROTK, including at least three utterly unbelievably cool hobbit scenes. One within the first 15 minutes. Oh yes, she waits...
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Aug 25, 2003 12:26:07 PM CDT
Rolling_Stone, you are a fucking moron. Instead of bitching abo
by minderbinder
It amazes me, we're just a couple months away from the conclusion of what will likely be the finest film trilogy ever made, and people are still whining like babies.
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the word is SHOOT. Bamboo SHOOTS. Good grief.
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The name "Brontosaurus" is not valid; thus, as a recognized animal, it does not exist. Here's the poop: In 1877, the partial remains of a large dinosaur were recovered from Colorado. Yale paleontologist O.C. Marsh described this material as Apatosaurus ajax. Two years later, the remains of another large dinosaur were found in Wyoming. Marsh described this material as Brontosaurus excelsus. In 1903, paleontologist Elmer Riggs of the Field Museum (Chicago...Yay!) recognized that the differences between Apatosaurus and Brontosaurus seen by Marsh were simply age-related; the skeletons named "Apatosaurus" and "Brontosaurus" were younger and older individuals of the same type of animal. Since the name "Apatosaurus" was applied to this animal first, it is the valid name for the genus, and the name "Brontosaurus" is no longer - nor can it ever be - used. P.S. Apatosaurus is a diplodocid, not a brachiosaurid.
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I just can't warm up to an Apatosaurus Burger.
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... you geeks would argue obut anything... Howre you doing frends? This ol conexions bloak about done and finisht and off with yer Aunty las week, I thot her gyint rat smelt me sure a nuff but Im back on the road agin connecting these cow shit tbs and dodging flying spittle from the trollers. Oh dear oh dear but dont the Frodo lad look lyke hes perwel come to the end of his strength tho! Them trollers think theyre being jokey joaring us down good talking about crying midgits but I bet ther aint a dry eye in the place when the curtain rings down on THIS girt big barset! Thanks to all the kind TEers what inquiret after my healf las week. I wer quite touched. *snif* AND all you T-word flingers bes leave off and not give me no more inter fearents or TATOW just myte showit and then itwll be sharna pax an get the poal! Stoan boans, iron tits and that lower set of teef is what the trolling wankers bes be worrit about! Namrie, Trubba Not SM{;-0
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You geeks could argue about anything....now m'lady and my fends'll giv yas a rite wot for!
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Those lips, that body...that DEEP VOICE. Okay, maybe the last one's not that great. She kicked as in Ghost World, though.
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Conan the Barbarian was a cool film, and Robert E. Howard was ahead of his time. By a couple of years, anyway: his books are loaded with stuff about the superiority of the Aryan race to "mongrel breeds," and he was writing this stuff years before Hitler nicked all his ideas. He got so depressed about some jumped up Austrian pinching the basis of his stories and using them to plunge the world into the horrific 12 years of the century that he topped himself because he didn't think of doing it himself. However, I have no doubt that as he looks up from Hell where he is being anally raped by Jewish transexuals for all eternity, he will be pleased to see that non-fascist fantasy is being deriding as being gay.
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I think Dick Hertz is one of us, the sneaky cheek. Anyway I thought it was funny.***Kudos to Stan the Bat, that post was brilliant.***And to my sweet honey-boy ElBarstardo - obviously
you did NOT get the memo. Conan the Humble DOES RUN THESE TALKBACKS, I really thought everyone knew that and you had best toe the line from now on. Frankly, your own opinion of LOTR is unwanted, un-necessary and most importantly, un-funny. So please go find a Star Wars tb to haunt.***MOATERS! How great to see you and in fine Ridley-speak form, no less. I was quite worried about you, man, and then MorG let me know you were ok to be let out. YAY! And Mortsleam! How are you feeling? Good to see you back here, too. Hello to all me mates.***DoT, lovely post and congrats on managing the restraint you showed. Some of these folk are behind the times, eh? Don't they know there's a King in Gondor, now?***And I'm not so sure one Conan the Barbarian could "take on the Fellowship" even if there were a point to such a contest, like why would two sets of good guys try to wipe out each other, we wonders, yes we wonders? Legolas could whup him I think, with one beautiful eye closed. And Aragorn is damn good with a sword and has some maniac energy to boot, and then there's rugged Captain Boromir, a toned, trim, trained fighting machine. Nope, C the B is a mighty fighter, yes, but hardly a sure bet against the Nine Walkers. heh heh heh. -
Homophobe? You people seem to like that word. Are you saying that you enjoy two men holding each other? Sick. You should all be shot, cause let's face it, no one likes gayness. What does gayness contribute to society other than AIDs and butt sex. Don't whine to me about this either, I'm giving my opinion in response to your calling me a homophobe. You people need to stop whacking off to Frodo and Sam's hobbit love and go watch a real movie, such as Conan.(props to the brilliant poster who mentioned it earlier). In closing, I will leave you with a pirate ballad.
Oh I sail the 7 seas
And admist it I hear the nerds pleas
"LOTR isnt gay!
Homophobic bastard, we promise you'll pay!"
Arrg me mateys well I have news for you all
Those of us who are straight must stand up proud and tall
Shoot gay hobbits and elves
And if the nerds dont like it, arrrg they can fuck themselves
Arrrg. Blackbeer out.
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As to everybody comparing Conan_the_Barbarian Vs The Nine Walkers why bother? It's as bad as Aliens Vs Predator for christsakes... And Dick Hertz, the clever (man?) He is simply another incarnation of Pud. Much like Shepherd Wong. Pud doesn't even bother changing his email address... As much as I admire Conan, he wouldn't really fit in with the Fellowship. Going out of his way to attack everything in sight wouldn't really fit in with the strategy of the wise, don't you think? I've finally got the TTT DVD too. I'm now wishing for a full blown trailer followed by the TTT SEV. Cheers.
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But I am afraid that these which-macho-man-could-kick-the-other-macho-man's-butt discussions completely miss a major point of LOTR, which is that all the ass-kicking types put together are powerless to defeat Sauron, and that it remains to two completely non-ass-kicking types to Get the Job Done. And if you truly cannot understand that, then your view of the universe has been so completely skewed by the concept of Might Makes Right that you really don't understand the difference between strength and goodness. ***Captain Blackbeer, you are truly not worth debating, if all you can do is foam at the mouth and say that those who disagree with you should be "shot." You are coming from a sad and ugly place, that you can be so threatened by what is decent and beautiful.
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Is that the poor fellow's e-mail address displays both "catwoman" AND aol. Good fun!
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CARAMON!!!!! RAISTLIN!!!!........Dammit.
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"Stab my poo" Oh damn, I can't laughing.
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Ethan Hawke, always a helpful hubby, suggested she cover up her mouth with the sword.
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From Dark horizons...."Kill Bill: The UK release dates seem to be Oct 10th for Film #1, January 23rd for Film #2."
.....Well FUCK THAT! Im definately not going to see it now. -
In a little over an hour I shall saunter over to Best Buy where I will purchase a copy of the LotR:TTT DVD. Then I will rush home and watch my LotR:FotR theatrical DVD while jacking off with my right hand. Then I shall watch my LotR:TTT theatrical DVD while jacking off with my left hand. Then with shaky hands, I shall attempt to write a reminder in my calendar to drop by the pharmacy in November to buy some Viagra so I can do the same with the Extended Editions. Or maybe I'll try that new stuff. ***Buzz! You still kill me. A zit on her lip, indeed.
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... this TB couldn't have attracted a lower common denominator of Troller IQs if Harry had written "HEY MORONS! POST HERE! I mean, Keeeeerist! It's enough to make you want to stick needles in your eyes! I've never read such a festering pile of imbecillic ravings in my life. Will the bigots, the emotionally retarded, the shockingly ignorant, the hate mongering, VERMIN posting to this board kindly: BUGGER THE FUCK OFF? It would be greatfully appreciated: Dick Hertz, (ooh what a clever user ID, (we're all impressed - really!) Sea Bass (pretentious asswipe), and ESPECIALLY this clueless, morally reprehensible jackass: CaptainBlackbeer. IT'S MOVIE FAN BOARD YOU IDIOTS!
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Well. I discovered yesterday that a co-worker has had the dvd for 2 weeks. (long, pregnant pause) He did not mention the simple fact that a 10 minute walk would have gleaned myself, another fanatic, and a lowly fan our own copies. (long, seething moment) I am currently considering what possible punishment is sufficient for a man who has partaken of my One Ring Cake and West Gate of Moria Fudge; who has read about my plans for a geekfest to break all geekfest records (when the final sev comes out); and who has examined my winning Nazgchicken mannequin in the non-flesh! (pause for consideration) Perhaps I should pelt him to a quivering mass of jelly with chocolate frogs. Or, even better, I'll force him to listen to hours and hours of whale song. That'll larn 'im. Your suggestions welcome!
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My friend I give you a big up.
That was by far the best summary of that stupid ass dwarf movie ever.
You did forget one thing.
What the fook is up with Frodo always falling down in the first movie?
Everytime something happens he falls on his arse.
Oh well, I am off to Amazon to get a copy of Conan on DvD. -
Aug 26, 2003 10:21:21 AM CDT
Welcome back Moaters! You too, Barset, you pontsing barset...
by mortsleam
I was afraid Moaters had overtaxed his TATOW to the point of no return. It's good to see "The Three Limpers" (as I now call Moaters, Miami and myself) all gathered again. So much for a Tailend Curse, eh? (Hobbles to the right to avoid falling piano.) Now let's hunt some troll. *** I for one applaud Shepard Pud for finally finding a persona that really crackles. Conan vs. the Fellowship. That's sheer energy your radiating there, you hilarious little misanthropic twat. Keep it up. Or, you know, fall on your sword and eviscerate yourself or something. Either way, your a hunnert percen more entertaining than Blackbeer. Hmm...Catwoman addy...hatred of LOTR...inability to form a coherent sentence, much less an argument...To paraphrase my fellow recently injured Detroiter, Jack White: "I think I smell a FETT." *** Buzz! Who let you out of the @$$hole clubhouse?Did you slip superninja a mickie? Or an O'Douls? Good to see you among the plebians. *** So, it's ten in the morning Eastern Standard Time. Time for a show of hands: who has the TTT DVD on their person at this very minute?
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Poo stab IS funny and I like that at least the Conan/troll schtick is old school. Y'know, the "my action figure can beat up your action figure" school of trolling. Hilarious, really {[:^)
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Aug 26, 2003 12:44:00 PM CDT
Hold on now, aren't there "Equal Time" laws in effect?
by pallando blue
Gray Davis drops STOOLS tougher than the Terminatrix! Gary Coleman could beat the CRAP out of Neo, one punch, crotch high! Just the SIGHT of Larry Flynt would make the entire X-Men team weep for mercy, disrobe, and grease down! Porn actress Mary Carey would fuck the Hulk UP! AND down! And sideways, and backwards and oh yeah, uh huh, oh godammit Hulk oh oh oh oh OOOHH. And then break it OFF! The other candidates, well, I'm sure they're tough too. Just saying, keep the democratic process pure, please.
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A fat, lazy, laughable one, that is. He was disgusting. He wasn't sacrificing virgins to appease the gods, he was just hungry an needed a snack. Aragorn would fillet that fat fuck faster than you can say 'Le Big Mac'. (i did like the movie though).
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Just the other day I was thinking about how the standards of trolling and flaming had declined on AICN recently. This TB has re-affirmed my pride in our ability to engage in pointless and violently personal attacks on each other's sexuality. Pats on the back all round, I say.
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Aug 26, 2003 2:16:41 PM CDT
Blue Wiz types post**words filled with Wacko State pols**Vala
by morgoth
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I agree with elanor on this, Dick Hertz, welcome, pull up a chair by the fire and share the hotdogs, you are one of us. Legolamb! Priceless nerdery. But remember dear, you leave in the morning! *** Snigger
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Heh, the two newlyweds look like they just stepped off a Fireball XL-5 set. Man, talk about product spin-off! Hey, and just for CaptainBeer (sorry if I messed up your precious handle), you can UNDRESS THEM!!
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GANDALF: "Thunderbirds, GO!" ARWEN: "But Aragorn, it's our wedding day!" ARAGORN: "Duty calls, my Evenstar. Now get in your rocket!" GIMLI: "Yyyyyes!" [cue action music]
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... z'that some sort o twisted Angband type o Haiku or sumfing?
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Yes I have my loverly DVD and I'ma watchin' it tonight! Yeah I've already seen it but I'ma watch it again! I think I may even linger again on the two fabulous previews.***Thanks Xyzan, I figure a little joking is good for a tb, but yes, he's out in the AM.***djinnj! Did I miss something? Are you saying YOU are responsible for that fabulous Witch-chicken-king? If so, I bow to your brilliance! That was one stunning achievement that I kept showing to a long stream of office visitors. And as for your ruthless, selfish-beyond-belief DVD-hoarding co-worker, well, I think you've simply got to get him to pay you hush money to keep you from going straight to the press to expose his horrific inhumanity.***Happy DVD Day, mellyn!
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I agree with the other posters this Tb has some of the funniest trolling I've seen for a while. Hey Hertz, would Legolas shout "stab my poo" in Sindarin or Quenya? Would Conan even understand? Please enlighten us. Mortsleam, I am the proud owner of the TTT DVD since the 24th of August. Cheers.
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"Hey, what the hell is he doing here? Get the hell out!"
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Sixteen weeks (efe) until LotR:RotK!!!!!!!!!
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... I guess I'm not surprised that you don't get it that the other posters here are laughing AT you not WITH you. Whoo man, I hope it's an act because if you're sincere, well... Eeewww!
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Aug 27, 2003 9:58:32 AM CDT
"Wherever you have Kull or hundreds of other macho man demons &
by mortsleam
Sounds like a line from the lost Springsteen song "The Ghost of Joad the Barbarian." What do you think, Miami? I actually prefer the cover by the Rap/Metal group Rage Against Crom, myself...
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Haw-haw mortsleam ye ninny! I'm sending you a bill for my ruined keyboard. Yuck, I was chewing a nab too and now the half masticated chunks of cracker and peanut butter actually flew into my hard drive I laughed so hard. BASTIGE! ** Look Moaters, Angband Haiku has it's own anarchaic rules...deal with it pansy Tolkien skum!
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Aug 27, 2003 11:57:41 AM CDT
Err, just exactly which reviews of the DVD are you referring to
by pontsing barset
...because everything I have read has been overwhelmingly positive, bordering on gushing. Site your sources you disingenuous jerkwad!
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I'm sittin' in my new school library (as in I'm new to the school) and I'm initiating my first use of the facilities with THIS TB! Heh. Go to my little website and take a look at the assorted results of my madness: for pics or read up on what I'm doing at (text only, look up "Lord of the Rings food"). I made the malefactor get us pizza and we (the assorted geeks of the office) cranked up the TTT DVD in a newly renovated screening room. Big, glorious, digital projection. *drool* There is too much eye candy in the film, I'll need to wear a bib when I get my own copy.
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Hah hah! As if I don't know! Glued to your dividas I know! Every man jack of you! (and woman jack, er jane, too) Whoo eee! Such joy!.***Well, we're off the front page and so far unhosed (hope that didn't jinx it!) So how does everybody like it, eh? I am still mighty befuzzled about the marathon day before ROTK. I'm thinking I may see each extended version on the big screen as early in the week as I can and then go to the midnight show of ROTK, just ROTK.
I think I want to see it fresh, not buzzed. I want to savor it. Plus for the other two, each first-time-viewing left me with
that jarring effect just from the natural differences of going from intellect to senses. What are the rest of you thinking of doing?***P.S. a non-book-reading friend (an actor) called today to say he had watched the movie TWICE already, none of the extras and LOVED it. He asked two questions which I loved answering: "How did Gollum get that way?" and "Where are the Elves going?". He also asked why they carried lanterns and I said "because it looks so cool". We laughed and then I reminded him of the scene in the extended version of Fellowship (which he also has) in which Sam and Frodo see the Elves passing by in the woods. "Ohhhhhhhhhh!" my friend said in instant happy recognition. Then he asked if Tolkien had written any other books! And finally he said one of his favorite moments is Saruman's reaction when Grima says "they will have women, and children with them". He cracked up, thinking what a bad ass twisted choice that was for Christopher Lee to make. Of course I quite agree! -
Shoulda knowd. See ya there.
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