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A Quick Review From A Real BAD SANTA!!
Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
I want to see this film, but I don’t want to see some sissified, chopped-up, toned-down pussy version. I want to see the same version that made Harry and Mr. Beaks and so many other people gasp and choke and laugh. I want to see Zwigoff’s cut before Dimension came crashing down on him, waving low test scores over their heads like samurai swords. I better not see no gawdamn PG-13 on the poster for this puppy, ‘cause if I do, someone’s gonna give some blood the hard way.
In the meantime, here’s a peek:
Hey Harry,
I was a real bad Santa, in real life.
I go to screenings a lot, because they call me a lot. My name must be on a list, and I'm glad because I like it for sure.
Harvey and the Miramax boys screened Bad Santa for a packed crowd in New Jersey earlier tonight. I just got home, and no I'm not having any dinner at this late hour because of my fucking diet. It's not really a diet, not so much. It's more of a lifestyle change, fucking carbs, fuck! Even after many many many test screenings down there in Edgewater it still freaks me out to see Harvey just wondering around that theater like he works there. I always feel that I should say something, but to tell the truth, I don't really have anything to say to him.
Bad Santa, as you know, is without a fucking doubt THE funniest movie to come along in years and years. There were times tonight when I actually fell out of my seat and onto the filthy floor laughing so hard, and I was NOT alone. The crowd reaction was loud, people roaring, their asses actually falling out into their jeans, their cellphones falling out of their pockets, the red blinking lights on their sneakers going on and off as they stomped the theater floors in robotic delight. I love Bad Santa. I have not laughed that hard since the last good Farrelly Brothers movie. I laughed so hard I fucked myself up good.
I was a bad Santa, it was my job for the better part of a week a few years ago. Imagine a dozen bad Santa's all roaming the grounds around a major convention hall in NY with cigarettes hanging off their lips, booze in their stomachs and hate in their hearts. I even remember one bad Santa actually had a gun strapped to his ankle; he showed it to me. My costume was all fucked. My long hair poured out from under my wig and my everything didn't fit right. I was wearing sneakers along with those fake boot ankle things that started where the sneakers ended and went up my leg. The sneakers were white and I didn't give a fuck. There's just something about that costume that makes me that way. You just can't get any lower. It was some kind of computer convention and I do love a good computer, but once that suit got strapped to my soon-to-be sweltering flesh, SANTA FUCKING HATES COMPUTERS!!! I had no problem taking long belts of the Russian Santa's vodka and chain-smoking smokes in the most trafficked areas. What happened when the cameras got on me? SANTA FUCKING HATES YOU AND SANTA FUCKING HATES THE INTERNET! I was fired and I didn't give a flying fuck! That was back when there was some illness in the sky that was dropping birds at the earth all around the bad saints. The dude with the gun took an upper decker in the bathroom on that third and last day. I grabbed some beer from a private room before I left and went to go play Magic back in Jersey with some proper assholes.
Thanks should be given to all involved for showing exactly what happens when a person suits up in that red bullshit. You could be nice, nice your whole F-ing life, but that shit gets on you and you're being paid, BAM! You're worse than fuck! Call me a real bad Santa if you post my ass.
Thanks for the time Harry. Kisses.Man, I need to see this. Now. Soon. Yesterday.
"Moriarty" out.
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Did I miss a review of the movie?
The guy laughed alot...something about computers? *look* -
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
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I don't understand why you people keep coming back. I've read this site every day (when possible) for YEARS. It's the closest I've come to doing something religiously. Everyday I get my movie news and my recommended daily requirement of narrative ramblings. Sometimes those ramblings are well written and witty, sometimes crude and vulgar, sometimes disturbingly scatalogical. But someone took the time and effort to write their thoughts, so I read them. That's why I come to this site, if I wanted a straight review I'd go to rotten tomatoes and check out the "fresh" rating. As far as this "review" is concerned, I'm glad Zwigoff's film has gotten the approval of a genuine Bad Santa. I even kinda liked his ramblings, and I can understand his Santa-induced angst. If you want straight reviews from critic's screenings, go check out the tomatoes.
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I think you need a couple of pills and booze to get this........
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So the review was non-existant. Well, we should expect that from AICN. But Mori let slip that some real news surrounds this movie, except AICN isn't capable of reporting it obviously. So anyone know the scoop on Dimension wanting cuts and maybe a PG-13 rating? What Mori doesn't explain (and what this review sheds no light on) is if Zwigoff has cut the film, is obliged to cut the film, will cut the film, or if he can/will leave it intact. And if he does have to make cuts, just how drastic? Is a PG13 rating a real possibility? Or just more reactionist BS from ABSN? Where can we go for the real scoops these days? Dark Horizons has few, but its more and more solid re-reporting of news from the trades. Where do we go?
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I mean really, what the fuck?
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OK, so he was a bad santa. Fine. I can live with these little vignettes of the reviewers' lives IF they go on to, you know, write a review. Or in any way link what they just ranted about to the film. Otherwise, what is the point?
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What a badass.
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His old job or the movie?
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Aug 13, 2003 12:36:32 PM CDT
Hey I saw this movie and its great, now let me talk about my shi
by bannthisucommies
I'm embarassed I clicked on the link. More embarassed that I posted....
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wha? russian santa? internet hating santa? hmmm
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Dimension booted Terry Zwigoff off the project entirely and brought in another director to do reshoots. From what I've heard they aren't aiming for a PG13, however...a definite R.
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Aug 13, 2003 1:13:38 PM CDT
Moriarty, are you telling us that Dimension is in the process of
by el duderino
This is sickening if true. And speaking of which, anybody catch Project Greenlight this week? I was 6/7 heartbroken, agonized and speechless when the disasterously low test scores came back, a gutwrenching affair especially considering the confidence both director's showed in the product they had made and ultimately depressing when you take into account how the remaining episodes will merely document the drastic re-editing of BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS into mindless, unprovokative fluff. The other 1/7 of my emotions were relief and satisfaction, not out of spite for everyone involved in the making of SHAKER HEIGHTS, but because a much larger group of people will now understand how flawed and detrimental test screenings can be on the product of a film. This was something I sorely missed seeing with last year's season, but from what I understand Miramax had such little faith in STOLEN SUMMER they didn't even allot it a test screening. So before you disregard this post or deem it irrelevant to this thread, keep in mind Dimension is an offshoot of Miramax and both are notorious for this kind of post-production tampering.
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Lacking in story, starts to feel repetitive in the second half, but there are definitely some laugh-so-hard-you-almost-fall-out-of-your-seat moments. But the best moments were the rude and crude ones, so if the studio waters them down to a PG-13 level there will be no reason to see this movie.
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Two Words: Gee Zuss I could give a shit about this guy's life. Why not post a recipe for Chester The Molester's Egg-nog? Are the folks at AICN even reading this shit before upping it onto the site; it's the administrative equivalent of posting "First." Is there nothing more to the plot than potential mass-murderers all wearing the same outfit? If so, then state it in the review.
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Aug 15, 2003 4:39:34 AM CDT
There were times tonight when I actually fell out of my seat and
by god shamgodd
I'm afraid I have to call bullshit on that. If he had said there were times that he almost fell out of his seat, okay, sure. But ACTUALLY fell out of his seat laughing? I don't think that's ever happened in the history of cinema.
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Jeez. I think the problem is most of you have spent so much time watching movies you have the reading comprehension level of 5-year-olds. Yeah, the guy didn't say much about the movie, but who cares? His discussion reminded me of David Sedaris' essay, "The Santaland Diaries," which is abso-fucking-lutely hilarious. This dude wasn't as polished as Sedaris, of course, but he was still pretty funny ... if, that is, you're able to sound out all those big words and figure out what he's saying.
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