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Quint's First 'Real' Report From RETURN OF THE KING set! Much better than the one Moriarty posted!!!

Hey folks, Harry here... getting ready for my own secret mission to parts... UNKNOWN... muhahahahhaa... That's right, soon I'll be leaving central Texas and heading into the ether, I will be incommunicado and then I will return, it'll be like something out of a crazed fairy tale I'm sure, but that might just be the ether talking. When Quint told me that Christopher Lee was getting ready to show up on set and he had a couple of nights to prepare before having to face him, he asked me, "What Christopher Lee movie should I see that you think I haven't seen?" I instantly responded with THE WICKER MAN. THE WICKER MAN is pure genius, perhaps one of the greatest mind fucks in film history and if I live to be a hundred and thirty thousand years, I won't understand why it isn't better known. ANYWAY, I see Moriarty got to updating last night, well... As is typical, I can one up him with a far better QUINT report than the one he posted. HA! Take that you scurvy dog! Here's more seaman to choke on!


Ahoy, squirts... Quint here newly returned from The Tug Boat, my favorite place to eat in Wellington (for you residents it's on Oriental Parade next to the Freyberg Pool). Today on the set was unbelievable and the only way to follow that up was to go eat at my favorite digs. If any of you happy wanderers end up in Wellington and are looking for a great bowl of fettuccine head to The Tug Boat for lunch, find the manager named Clayton and ask for "The Yankee Special"  (French Fries with garlic mayo... a taste worthy of the Gods... a huge plate of fettuccine and a Coke) and you'll more than likely get a 10% discount.  

Anyhow, I arrived onset today at 2pm. I'm not sure what they were doing earlier in the morning, but I was told Christopher Lee was to start shooting around 2pm. At the security gate the very super awesome security guard Stu told Kraken, Mrs. Kraken and myself to head to Stage A, the biggest of the sound stages at Stone Street Studios, mecca of everything LORD OF THE RINGS for the last, what? 6 years?  

The large side door is closed so we enter through a small back-door... um... maybe I should reword that... We entered through a door which resides on the far wall into the sound stage.  

A Stage has one end covered in blue screen on rails that can be pulled to cover the walls of about a quarter of the whole stage in a sea of bright blue. The first thing that I saw when I entered the building were the two flat panel moniters that I've been staring at for over a month now. They're not very big, only about 12 inch screens, but I've seen some beautiful images on these beauties...  

On one moniter shows us A Camera, the other shows us B camera. Peter always shoots at least two cameras covering two different angles for each take. It was a technique Kurosawa used in most of his films that seems to allow the maximum amount of coverage in the least amount of time.  

On these moniters was Christopher Lee in total Saruman mode. Long flowing white hair, long white beard with the dark stripe around the mustache and below the chin, elegant and deadly looking staff in his hand. My heart jumped.  

We take our places behind the moniters and were quickly greeted by Skot Thomas, 2nd AD and a very friendly guy. He brought us out the white folding chairs that we've gotten very used to as the hard working crew was in the final stages of setting up the next shot.  

I took a seat but not before I realized that sitting in front of me was Grima Wormtongue... Not Brad Dourif, but a double for a scene that had already been shot or was coming up. His robes are fantastic up close. Grimy, dirty, but you can tell that at one time they were regal. It's little details like that that make these movies so rich, so multi-layered. The clothes make the man and Wormtongue's clothes are no exception.  

We had been sitting down for all of 3 or 4 minutes when up shuffles the one and only Peter Jackson... Now I have to bring something up here... Bear with me a moment...  

We were supposed to leave Wellington on the 29th of June. It was a month-long stay and we had a blast. About halfway into the trip we heard Christopher Lee wasn't going to be in until near the end, which meant we lost our chance to see the man work. The Kraken couple and I were very upset, but content that we had an amazing month and got to see so many amazing things that it'd be ridiculous to focus on the one that got away.  

Cut to what was supposed to be our last day, last Friday. It was some Shelob's Lair stuff with Elijah Wood and Andy Serkis (patience... all in due time)... When that wrapped I went up to say thanks to Peter for being kind enough to let us visit. He said, "What? You're leaving this weekend?"  

"Yeah, our flight leaves on Sunday."  

Peter says, "You know Christopher Lee is shooting next week."  

I say, "Yeah, I heard that, but I don't want to impose. I really don't want to overstay my welcome."  

Pete gets a very serious look on his face. "You'd be stupid to go. Christopher Lee isn't going to be around for a long time. This is probably your only chance to see him work."  

Now I'm not one to argue with Peter Jackson. He twisted my arm, what can I say? After a quick visit to STA Travel all our flights were changed and we got to stay.  

Since then Peter has made a big effort to introduce us to Christopher Lee, keeping us informed of his movements... "He's in town, but resting after that awful flight," (from London to New Zealand is almost 30 hours I'm told).  

So back to the set... Peter comes shuffling up in his trademark black LOTR vest, red shirt and shorts. "Hey guys... Let's give Chris a couple takes to warm up, then I'll bring him over." I don't know about the Krakens, but my at once my heart lept into my throat and my stomach constricted. I got deadly nervous.  

The first scene I saw was Saruman surrounded by blue screen (will be the top of Orthanc). The off screen reader (Cameron Rhodes, a great guy that most would probably know as Farmer Maggot from FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING) calls out, "Come down! We want to speak with you." I'm not sure who he's reading. I'd bet it's Gandalf, but not completely sure.  

Saruman steps forward and growls, "What do you want?!?" That's the first set up... Pete takes a nice amount of takes (another Peter Jackson characteristic... one that he shares with the likes of Kubrick). The wind machine is blowing Christopher Lee's long, white hair all over the place. The timing has to be played just right with the added factor of wind not blowing Saruman's hair over his face.  

They next move on to the continuation of the scene. My heart leapt again as I saw Christopher Lee holding up a shiny, black orb during rehearsal for the next shot. I ran over to the sound guy, the consummate gentleman Hammond Peeks, and requested a pair of "Contacts," which is set speak for a wireless receiver and headphones that allows you to hear whatever the boom or actor's Mic picks up.  

Kraken, Mrs. Kraken and myself took turns sharing these "ears." I had it on the first take, Kraken on the second, etc. Soon Christopher Lee's commanding voice boomed through the headset towards my ear drums. "So... you have come for information. Well, I have some. You're all going to die," then he smirks. His delivery is superb. It's line deliveries like that that won him this role and makes him the only person I will every see as Saruman for the rest of my life. When I re-read the books, Christopher Lee's voice will be in my head for each and every bit of dialogue he has.  

"I know much. Much that can help you..." Lee does quite a few takes of this, swinging up his long arm revealing the Palantir clutched in his claw-like hand at the end and taunting the good guys down below. Peter runs up between takes and gives Lee a bit of direction. "That was good. That take was a bit too much Christopher... Now let's try for a little bit more Saruman. Make it more sarcastic."  

Like the pro he is, Lee adjusts his performance and everything seems to click. Pete actually directs Christopher Lee more differently than I've seen him direct most of the other actors. He gives Lee lots of continuous takes. He keeps rolling after a take, throwing out a 5 second bit of direction... like, "Let your eyes go to the Palantir when you say 'But the Great Eye has seen it'... OK... Action."  

Something that was a lot of fun was seeing the wind machines wreck havoc on Saruman's hair. There were a few times where it got caught and tangled on his staff, loads of times where it blew in front of his face so he was literally talking behind a sheet of white hair... and the best one for me... There was one point where the back of his hair flew up and over his shoulders and hung there for a second... It was like Drew Barrymore in FIRESTARTER!  

Saruman's speech goes on for a quite a bit more, but what'd be the fun in me spoiling the whole thing? Needless to say, he finally finishes up and is lead back to his seat next to Peter behind the super special director's moniters.  

Skot, super 2nd AD to the stars, appears before us and like a butler bows and says something akin to, "Gentlemen and Lady... Please follow me. It is time to meet Christopher Lee."  

I don't know what was in that Tuna Sandwich I made myself for lunch, but there must have been some larvae of some sort because at that moment my stomach just about burst with butterflies.  

I'm not someone who is easily star struck or nervous around celebrities... but then again Christopher Lee is hardly just a celebrity. He's a living God among men. The 20 foot walk up to the resting Saruman seemed to be in slow motion. I was ushered right in front of him and introduced. He greeted me warmly, extending his hand, fingers tipped in razor-sharp pointed finger nails.  

I told him how big a fan of his films I was and what an honor it was to see him work. I could hear Peter giggling next to me, totally enjoying my geek out I guess... Ha! Like you're not an even bigger geek, Peter! I brought up THE WICKER MAN, a film I hadn't seen until last night. It's one of those movies I had always meant to see, but never got around to it.  

I told Christopher Lee how much that movie rocked and he immediately went into great detail about a project called MAY DAY. MAY DAY is script written by Robin Hardy, the director of THE WICKER MAN... If I understood Mr. Lee correctly, it's more of a continuation than a sequel or remake of the original WICKER MAN. It's about a young American couple who travel to Scotland and come across these particular people. Sean Astin is apparently very eager to play the lead in the film. Christopher Lee is definitely set to play a very similar character to his Lord Summerisle and even Ewan McGregor wants a whack at a loony character part in the script.  

Unfortunately every single studio has turned them down. Lee says it's one of the best scripts he's read and everyone who reads it agrees it'd make a great movie... Just no one willing to put up the money... The asking price is $11 million. It disgusts me that not one studio has stepped forward on this one. Artisan buys up retarded bullshit like HOUSE OF THE DEAD (which I guarantee you cost more than $11 million as they spent over $12 million on the making of the film... not that'd you know it by watching it...), but won't finance a Christopher Lee follow-up to THE WICKER MAN with Sean Astin and Ewan McGregor interested in parts?  

If anybody reading this has this script, drop me an email. I'd very much like to read it and see just how retarded the studios are being this time.  

I also asked Lee about THE BAKER STREET IRREGULARS, a film where he's signed to play the Moriarty against Malcolm McDowell's Sherlock Holmes. He said he is indeed signed, but has no idea when they plan to shoot the film.  

Kraken asked about the live-action re-make of THE LAST UNICORN, a film I confess to have no knowledge of, but one that Kraken has loved since he was a child. Once again Lee said he's signed on to do it, to reprise his role as King Hagrid, it's just a matter of the money falling into place, although he did seem more optimistic about that one actually moving forward than he did on any of the other projects we discussed.  

Peter then called over Pierre Vinet, the set photographer and super awesome French Canadian dude. "Why don't you snap a few pictures of these guys with Chris?" Pierre begins telling us where to stand and then starts speaking French at Christopher who shoots it back just as fluently. There's a discussion of variations on French cursing... the difference between French and French Canadian curse words... then the photos are snapped.  

So somewhere in this universe exists film of me standing next to Christopher Lee decked out in complete Saruman robes... I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around that fact. I'm so utterly not worthy it's crazy.  

Christopher Lee soon thereafter left the building. I was wrong in the previous report. He's spending 2 days doing pick-ups and I've been invited back for Monday's shooting. You better believe I'll be there with bells on.  

That about wraps it up from me on this one. In the very near future I will start backtracking and hitting on what I've seen in the last month... Not to mention the next week I have ahead of me, which includes more Christopher Lee and even some dwarf action. I will also be assaulting you guys with my Comic-Con coverage come July 18th or so. 'Til that day, this is Quint bidding you all a fond farewell and adieu.  


email: I know you're jealous... but be kind... at least I'm sharing!!! Mail me here!!!

Readers Talkback
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  • July 4, 2003, 3 p.m. CST

    Christopher Fucking Lee

    by Tall_Boy

    Good lord, this man needs to be in every movie ever.

  • July 4, 2003, 3:01 p.m. CST


    by Mavrikfire


  • July 4, 2003, 3:05 p.m. CST


    by foreverguardian

    You lucky, lucky git!!! :) the stuff that dreams are made of :)

  • July 4, 2003, 3:07 p.m. CST

    We have to wait until Sep 26 to see the first trailor...

    by metsrulein2k

    So this is obviously the next best thing, this wait for the next movie is killing me, and I still cant believe new line will get to Aug 26 when the DVD comes out b4 any1 in the world sees even 1 minute of footage, bravo. 165 days....

  • July 4, 2003, 3:09 p.m. CST

    Damn you Quint....Damn YOUUUUUUUUUU


    The geeks dream

  • July 4, 2003, 3:15 p.m. CST

    Harry is going to Prague, probably to the set of Hellboy, there

    by IndustryKiller

    Moriarty said it last night Harry you moron. I can only guess Hellboy since your friend is directing the film and you have already decided it will be a masterpiece no matter how it turns out (with that said it will probably be good, just saying Harry has already decided this).

  • July 4, 2003, 3:17 p.m. CST


    by drjones

    new zealand PLUS peter jackson PLUS LOTR PLUS CHRISTOPHER LEE...that`s just so fucking greeeaat!!! could make a film about that!

  • July 4, 2003, 3:21 p.m. CST

    I have not enjoyed these films as much as most of you, with that

    by IndustryKiller

    I'm really not sure I have ever seen better ensemble casting in a film. I don't know how they picked the absolute PERFECT actors for these characters so effectively. Reading about watching Lee work sounds awesome and I'm so jealous. Watching an great actor work in person is just one of those things that can't be described.

  • July 4, 2003, 3:30 p.m. CST

    And may I just be the first to say Fuck you! to Hollywood for no

    by IndustryKiller

    It sounds awesome and I'm willing to bet you could shoot it on the cheap. C'mon somebody out there with money has to be interested in funding this. Do the right thing dammit.

  • July 4, 2003, 3:31 p.m. CST

    Stupid effing "FIRST" posters...

    by Pontsing Barset

    ... I don't know why the morons persist in this childish pastime as they never STAY first anyway, (because the danged posting order ALWAYS gets hosed. HEY HARRY! you and your web lackeys really ought address the issue once and for all; it makes it really difficult to follow the thread of a discussion), besides the fact that it's just a juvenile waste of time to begin with. *** Got to go read the the ol' crusty semen's, er, SEAMAN'S post now. That first crap jus irritates the shit outta me though; which is probably precisely reason the dopes do it: to irritate people, SHEESH...

  • July 4, 2003, 4:12 p.m. CST

    Thank you Quint and Harry!

    by elanor

    I'm speechless but soooooo happy to finally have some spy reports to look forward to!

  • July 4, 2003, 4:20 p.m. CST

    I remember when QUICKBEAM from visited the N.Z. s

    by Bregalad_

    He's a funny guy (never uses his proper Elvish name)..... Over on TORN, his reports "from the set" were personal, lengthy, filled with geeky detail. Highly Recommended.

  • July 4, 2003, 4:30 p.m. CST

    errrr......happy independence day to you americans!!!

    by drjones

    just a try to back up the german-american relationship...

  • July 4, 2003, 4:59 p.m. CST


    by Kraken

    Hey man, I know you want us all to revolt and start typing hateful stuff towards you. For some reason, this is how you get off in life. You sit along in your little room and try to upset people's day, and think that makes you important because you have that ability to come in and crap on people's picnic for some kind of need for attention. Well, I'm asking you that you don't. If you don't like LoTR... fine, but at least have some respect for an article that is about having the deepest respect for an actor that is one of the greatest people anyone could meet. So have a heart dude... please.

  • July 4, 2003, 5 p.m. CST

    mmm LOTR

    by Brian_De_Man

    Can't wait for the best movie of 2003! Screw you Oscars and Micheal Moore!

  • July 4, 2003, 5:06 p.m. CST

    Char-Grim: Begone before somebody drops a house on YOU.

    by Bregalad_

    Come back on February 29th and then we'll talk about Oscars. AFTER you've seen the ROTK movie and AFTER you form some kind of "opinion." Until then -- I dare you (or H.G. Wells) to bend the arrow of time and violate the second law of thermodynamics that would enable you to KNOW the outcome of future events? Silly troll. *Yawn*

  • July 4, 2003, 5:17 p.m. CST

    The Godfather of LOVE has died!


    Barry white passed this morning. 58 years old. Can't get enough of his love anymore R.I.P. barry.

  • July 4, 2003, 5:22 p.m. CST

    Quint that was fucking wicked man... Chris Lee is God

    by reni

    Bless you Q. This is mega...!

  • July 4, 2003, 5:23 p.m. CST

    Fuck this!!!! Barry White's died!!!!

    by KID AB

    Rest in peace Walrus of Love.

  • July 4, 2003, 5:30 p.m. CST

    Now that's what I'm talking about!!!!!!!!!

    by Miami Mofo

    Great report Quint! Definitely makes up for the fact that you kept us sitting on pins and needles these past few weeks waiting for it. Looking forward to the next one! ***Yes, Quickbeam's reports were a fun read (can't wait to try and pick him out amoung the Gondorian guards), but so was Harry's and so is this one. ***IndustyKiller!, you are absolutely correct regarding the perfection of the cast. I do believe that casting was hugely helped by the vivd descriptiveness of Tolkien's writing. Chris Lee IS Saruman. Ian McKellen IS Gandalf. Elijah Wood IS Frodo. And on and on and on. But sometimes you do get lucky -- Viggo IS Aragorn, but what were they thinking regarding Stuart Townsend? Oh well, at least P.J. realized that it wouldn't work early on, but he sure got lucky that Viggo was available and agreed to do it.

  • July 4, 2003, 5:31 p.m. CST

    Riding of the Laddie/May Day

    by reni

    Come on New Line. Cough up the money and let's get it made. It's only $11m Thank you...

  • July 4, 2003, 5:31 p.m. CST

    everybody make love tonight for barry's sake...

    by reni

    God bless.

  • July 4, 2003, 5:44 p.m. CST

    Give us a fucking break Harry!

    by T-MACK 1.01

    You don't have to get our attention by saying, 'Better than the one Moriarty posted!' My God, you guys are supposed to be a team, not rivals. Moriarty is a good writer and knows how to fill the Fanboy appetite. You? All the Fanboys in the world couldn't please your appetite. And then you top it off by adding three exclamation points, one more than Moriarty. Bullshit Harry.

  • July 4, 2003, 5:54 p.m. CST

    Rat bastard....

    by MrCere

    When LOTR was being filmed I toyed with the idea of taking a leave of absense from my job and telling my body to the night (few buyers) and going to NZ. I don't know a casting director and figured (probably correctly) that it wouldn't do me any good and I wouldn't be in LOTR anyway. SO....I didn't. I regret it now. I like Quint but he is a RAT BASTARD for standing where every geek wants to stand, for sitting where every geek wants to sit, for seeing what every geeks wants to see and touching greatness.

  • July 4, 2003, 5:59 p.m. CST

    Harry, fuck Prague

    by T-MACK 1.01

    None of us want another run of Hellboy set reports. Sure, just because Del Toro is a dear friend of yours doesn't mean we have to be more spoiled with more material that has already been played to death over on CHUD. Why not do a set report on The Chronicles of Riddick, Troy, Harry Potter 3, get in touch with Robert Rodriquez in the editing room for Once Upon A Time In Mexico, I don't know, something, but don't do another Hellboy thing. You'll run it to the ground. And Barry White just died. The Grim Reaper must be having a good summer, because this sucks.

  • July 4, 2003, 6:25 p.m. CST

    I just heard about the White too...

    by FNORDknt

    I am genuily sad over Barry White, as compared to all the other no name wrtiters and stars that is seems have been dying often. Barry White was the man and thankz to him so many got more than they deserved. Plus who can forget that Simpsons episode when he seduced those snakes... RIP my Friend.

  • July 4, 2003, 6:29 p.m. CST

    The Wicker Man is one of the best films ever made!

    by Carl w/ a 'K'

    Right up there with Jim Jarmusch and David Cronenberg...and the thought of a Wicker Man sequel with hobbits and Obi-Wan does kinda scare me, but no doubt Lee will pull it off. And yes! French Canadiens (as opposed to Canadians) swear wicked cool. Viva the FLQ and Rene Levesque...god damn i miss living in Montreal. Tabernac!

  • July 4, 2003, 8:26 p.m. CST

    Hey, Quint!

    by BAMF

    Rock on with your bad self. I sat on the edge of my seat reading your report. Thanks a) for being a good geek reporter and b) for writing well. I, along with a zillion others, am jealous. You met The Lee. I'm feeling squishy.

  • July 4, 2003, 8:28 p.m. CST

    I'm better than you

    by ChickenGeorgeVII


  • July 4, 2003, 8:33 p.m. CST

    Mr. Christopher Lee

    by Devil'sOwn

    One of the most powerful prescences in movies, ever. Quint, you are livin' the dream man. An a sadder note, the world has lost another tremendous talent, a gentleman who could make people feel good in potentially awkward situations. You'll be missed, Barry, but your music is forever.

  • July 4, 2003, 9:08 p.m. CST

    Must see The Wicker Man uncut!

    by Subversive01057

    Make sure the version you see is listed as between 99 and 103 minutes.

  • July 4, 2003, 9:12 p.m. CST

    Cool! Looks like Char-Grim (Grimloch) got banned again

    by elanor

    Oh Happy Day, to have ROTK news! I always pictured Saruman on the balcony, rather than the top of Orthanc for this scene, but if he's on the top it makes him look even more the chicken, pawn of Sauron that he is.***I had the distinct pleasure of seeing The Legendary Mr. Lee in person in the winter after Fellowship opened, along with Mr. Jackson, Ms Walsh and Mr. Howard Shore. Lee was amazingly tall and fit. He is a trim and handsome at 80! And that voice! Ahhhh what a treasure. His love and admiration for Tolkien and, now, Peter Jackson, is palpable and sincere. He is articulate and passionate and I envy Quint in actually being able to converse with him. I only stared!***How much longer, Miami?

  • July 4, 2003, 9:17 p.m. CST

    corn rigs and barley rigs

    by blue7

    Have to agree with Nosferatu Jones on the Wicker Man being a tad overrated. It wasn't terrible, though. Doesn't seem to be any good reason why $11M can't be raised for the sequel, especially when peanut-filled shit like Freddy Vs. Jason (spare me your hopes and dreams that it won't be tired and obvious) is getting greenlighted.

  • July 4, 2003, 9:33 p.m. CST

    I know its SLIGHTLY of ftopic, but i just got thiss cript off th

    by DukeDeMondo

    The Wrath Of Genius By Aaron McMullan A.K.A Wirmont, the Master Of ALL That Does Not Involve The Laws Of Physics In Some Way AL BANNA is a SIMPLE, LOVING sort. He performs menial tasks at his local library, but nothing too stimulating. When we meet him, he is devolping an idea for a comic book which he feels will finally raise him out of this treacherous life of unfulfilled potential. He sits with his platonic sex partner, BETTY. AL BANNA I got it Betty, jeez, I finally got it. It took a while, but here I am, sitting at a table, scribbling indecipherable shite onto a torn-in-half notebook. BETTY What have you got? AL BANNA Well, at first I thought it was herpes, but it turns out its this great idea for a comic book. BETTY Wow. I bet something completely mad will now happen, like you getting hit with gamma-rays or something. AL BANNA Ha ha. oh, Betty, I do love your stupid fucking cuntish remarks. BETTY I love you Al. AL BANNA I love you too, Betty, but I fear that our love might soon be cruelly ripped asunder by my unthoughtful hormones. AL leaves BETTY and wanders around a street for some time. Then, he gets hit by GAMMA RAYS. Al BANNA (In pain) AHHHHH. CUT TO: AL is sitting at home, watching a late night discussion show about the written works of Ghandi. TELEVISION PERSON

  • July 4, 2003, 10:25 p.m. CST

    the last unicorn? yes please!

    by iamtheaardvark

    the last unicorn was one of my favorite movies as a child...the movie that made me fall in love with the whole fantasy genre thing. a live action remake would kick ass.

  • July 4, 2003, 11:57 p.m. CST


    by RenoNevada2000

    If you're talking about that Barnes & Noble appearance, I was there too. Lee's voice just sent chills down my spine when he said "Hello" to the crowd. I guess it was the life long conditioning of watching his movies! The moderator of the evening was correct- Christopher Lee has the evilest looking hands ever!

  • Obviously.

  • July 5, 2003, 5:20 a.m. CST

    Whats with all the comparisons?

    by h'biki

    Whats with all the superficial comparisons between Jackson and these great directors? Oh. Wow. Jackson uses an A & B camera. Fucking innovative. Not. (And FWIW Kurosawa preffed to use single camera but used a B camera to get cutaways... an he wouldn't process that roll of film until he was stuck in editing). Wow, Jackson shoots a lot of takes! He must be a genius like Kubrick! (and Kubrick always would shoot scenes in one or two takes if he got what he wanted. It wasn't a rule_ Jackson shoots on film too, just like Fellini! He puts a cameo of himself in his movie just like Hitchcock! Jackson uses minatures in his movies and so did Orson Welles in Citizen Kane! Jackson's like the next kubrick-fellini-hitchock-kurosawa-welles! Jackass.

  • July 5, 2003, 6:57 a.m. CST

    if this movie is as shitty as the last 2, it might be worth the

    by eau hellz gnaw

    i just hope they take the bad acting, campiness, and homoerotic undertones to the extreme.

  • July 5, 2003, 7:54 a.m. CST

    Minor correction:

    by Wingnut1A

    The name of the king in The Last Unicorn was Haggard, not Hagrid. =) Quint must be reading Order of the Phoenix in his spare moments.

  • July 5, 2003, 9 a.m. CST

    "How much longer?"

    by Miami Mofo

    C'mon elanor, you know that that info is classified "Top Secret" and can only be divulged on Wednesday mornings during the official 'Weekly Wednesday Countdown.' ***Speaking of "Top Secret," TORn has a report that increases the likelihood that Aragorn will receive Anduril at Dunnharrow, which we all is in Rohan. This opens up some juicy possiblities, particularly if it's Arwen who delivers the sword. If that happens, will Arwen and Eowyn meet [and will there be my long-hoped for Arwen/Eowyn catfight? :~)]. If Eowyn does see Arwen, even from afar, will that be the proof to her that there is no Aragorn/Eowyn future, thus triggering her transformation into Dernhelm? Hopefully, Quint will be providing us info regarding same in his upcoming reports.

  • July 5, 2003, 10:52 a.m. CST

    "Yankee Special"?

    by mascan

    French fries with mayo? I thought they did that in Holland . . . how is it a "Yankee Special"?

  • July 5, 2003, 11:09 a.m. CST

    ROTK will be just as pompous and overblown as the last two.

    by velocity

    I don't know anyone who cares that much about the overhyped childrens fantasy anymore.

  • July 5, 2003, 12:35 p.m. CST

    Ooooh baby...

    by Uncle_Les

    The godfather of love will be missed. But he will live forever through his music. And Christopher Lee rocks.

  • July 5, 2003, 12:41 p.m. CST

    Geekly hamina hamina hamina

    by GypsyTRobot

    Christopher Lee, a treasure to geek kind. just thinking about the confrontation between Lee and McKellan makes my knees weak. + Wicker Man rocks, and I hope May Day gets funding before he gets too old. Studio heads are idiots not to. + Peter Beagle's "Last Unicorn" was an awesome book; the movie wasn't that great of an adaptation, so I urge all you fantasy-loving geeks who can tolerate a book about a unicorn to go, go now and read it. I read it when I was a little girl in love with unicorns, and came away with an uneasy WTF feeling - it is NOT cutesy crap, it's about failure, disillusion and sadness. The scene where the idiot magician tries to free the unicorn from a cage is pure genius. + The harpy folded her wings and fell like a star -- not at the unicorn but beyond her, passing so close that a single feather drew blood from the unicorn's shoulder; bright claws reaching for the heart of Mommy Fortuna, who was stretching out her own sharp hands as though to welcome the harpy home. "Not alone!" the witch howled triumphantly at both of them. "You never could have freed yourselves alone! I held you!" Then the harpy reached her, and she broke like a dead stick and fell. The harpy crouched on her body, hiding it from sight, and the bronze wings turned red.

  • July 5, 2003, 1:45 p.m. CST

    I'm glad you handled yourself professionally, Quint...

    by waylayer

    If that was me, I probably would have asked Mr. Lee about his third nipple in "The Man with the Golden Gun." **

  • July 5, 2003, 2:28 p.m. CST

    New Line sucks! No teaser trailer for ROTK?

    by GypsyTRobot what, are these motherfuckers so cheap they can't spend a little moola hyping the property that saved their asses? New Line, I hate you for making me wait. Give us some pick-up shots or something, for goddsakes!

  • July 5, 2003, 6:19 p.m. CST

    The Pier 1 Man

    by Snarky

    The Wicker Man was one of the most disconcerting films I ever saw. Its tone is this understated eerieness that lets your imagination run amok.

  • July 5, 2003, 7:50 p.m. CST

    Fellowship of the Olsen Twins...

    by BankyEdwards2309

    Fuck Moooooooooodoooorrrrrrrrr and Mount Doooooooooom n Hobbiton and Castle Grey Skull or whatever. I'm starting to put together the needed cash for the ultimate of all blockbusters.. "Fellowshop of the Olsen Twins". The story of a band of brothers (may use that name too one day for a mini series..hmmmm)who have to return the Olsen Twins back to their mountain penthouse in some gawd awful one horse town in USA run by an over weight sherrif in a brown uniform( aren't they all?)It will star: Me (naturally as the love interest),The Olsen Twins, Eliza Dushku, My mum as Sour-mom, and of course..Steven Segal as the ex-cia chef out for the kill!!! it's a classic already!! wish me luck..I'm going in xxx

  • July 5, 2003, 10:07 p.m. CST

    For the love of God, Quint! DON'T order the "Yankee Special!"

    by TimBenzedrine

    I don't know how to tell you this man,,,, but that isn't mayo. (long sick pause) eeew.

  • July 5, 2003, 10:20 p.m. CST

    Oh god (and a note for Reno)

    by elanor

    I forgot what a unique pleasure it is to roam a tb still on the front page. Quint! Please send us a new one, soon!***Hello RenoNevada! Yep, that

  • July 6, 2003, 12:42 a.m. CST

    July Johnson from Lonesome Dove is so damn sexy, I don't care if

    by Brimacombe

    True dat, eh? Oh and Avril Lavigne really sucks.

  • July 6, 2003, 4:10 a.m. CST

    That was great, but I'm still not interested

    by Lord_Soth

  • July 6, 2003, 8:14 a.m. CST

    "A technique he shares with Stanley Kubrick..."

    by Ribbons

    Wow. Well, I suppose that's the secret to being a brilliant director. Why even bother going to film school? All I have to do is show up in Hollywood and tell everyone I do a lot of camera takes (so that I can let the scene breathe) and then the best scripts will, presumably, land at my feet. Sorry for being harsh, but come on dude, did you really have to slip that reference in there?

  • July 6, 2003, 9:52 a.m. CST

    this is just a test

    by Trevor444

    testing 1,2,3

  • July 7, 2003, 3:22 a.m. CST

    This town needs an enema

    by JasonDkEldar

    Maybe it is just me, but perhaps Harry and the crew need to empower a moderator for these TB's, someone who can monitor the boards and drop these off-topic posts. I know the posters think it is cute, but as long as the TB's are in order, I freely admit I would not be disappointed to see several of the more pathertic excuses for "Talking-back" disappear from the site. Hemp-and-neutral-spirit-fueled rants might seem entertaining to you, and to the rubbernecker mentality in some of the site visitors, but all in all it is kind of like your unwashed friend showing up at your home or where you are partying to hang himself over the nearest piece of furniture and totally buzzkill any positive vibes. Have fun guys. Hope you can find someone to snipe the lurkers.

  • July 7, 2003, 5:15 a.m. CST

    $11 million?

    by Oceanclub

    Could this be the first movie financed by the Internet? Think about it. $11 million. That's $11 by a million people. The population of the US/UK and Ireland alone is around 350 million. Surely it's not beyond imagination that 1 out of 350 people would stump up $11 for such a film? How many regular readers alone does this site have? That's not even counting people from other countries who may be interested. If this sounds wacky, the kid who was sued by the RIAA (because he created a search engine that COULD be used to search for MP3s) has already paid off his $12K legal fees through a web appeal (heck, I threw in $5 myself). And that was only through a button on his website. How many people would love to fund a movie starring Christopher Lee (!)? I'm not sure could you get 1 million people in the credits, but it's worth a shot. What does anyone think? P.

  • July 7, 2003, 6:01 a.m. CST

    Catch-up Report from Club Angband posted near Frogmorton!

    by morGoth

    Hola folks, been out of it for a spell and I feel I strong desire to catch up with things. First, great report Quint, ye Lucky Bastige. I

  • July 7, 2003, 6:07 a.m. CST

    Not frist!

    by morGoth

    Praise Christopher Lee! Praise him with great praise! Eglerio!

  • July 7, 2003, 6:10 a.m. CST

    Not even close to frist!

    by morGoth

    C'mon Quint, howz about a spoiler or two? PJ's eyes CAN'T be everywher, eh? All frist posters must die!

  • July 7, 2003, 6:14 a.m. CST

    If sixth was frist, your joar'd be harder'n my fist!

    by morGoth

    Hey, all you closet Luddites who carp about CGI better take up another interest cuz it's here to stay. Get over it or get the hell outta Dodge! Long live Chris Lee AND the Matrix Reloaded. Thye both deserve great praise. **Thank you, that concludes todays trilogy of frist postings.

  • July 7, 2003, 6:36 a.m. CST

    Ask and you shall receive...

    by AliceInWonderlnd

    Kudos to the service around here. Hello Tailenders! Also, I think that for the record I should state that I hate you, Quint. I hate you with a bilious rage that is currently turning my insides green, or possibly that's from drinking too much of that green punch stuff you can buy in gallon jugs from the supermarket. But anyway, yes, jealous, Wicker Man, yes, cool, Christopher Lee, yes, geek God, Barry White, yes, sad, Return of the Fucking King, yes, will rock the house. That's it now. Carry on as you were.

  • July 7, 2003, 9:11 a.m. CST

    morGoth, the SVS (split vote syndrome) is killing me!!!!!!!!!

    by Miami Mofo

    Law suits continue to be filed up in Tallahassee regarding 'the count,' but right now the 'unofficial' results are -- 1) Flotsam and Jetsam 3 (1+1+1); 2)Choices of Master Samwise 2.5 (1+1+.5); 3) The Battle of the Pelennor Fields 2 (1+1); 4) Mount Doom 1.5 (1+.5); 5) Flight to the Ford 1; 6) TIE: A Long-expected Party .5; 6) The Scouring of the Shire .5; 8) TIE: In The House of Tom Bombadil .25; 8) The Barrow Downs .25 [Note to Moaters 'n DoT: Don't feel bad about your SVS, cause you were NOT the frist. Someone else informed me of her split vote (privately) when we shared a proper 1420 on the west side of Manhattan last August -- that split has been accounted for above. None the less, all three of ye are A PAIN IN THE ASS!!!!!!!!! ;~)] Still waiting to hear from Shards, Runelord, Bjarki and Mortsleam.

  • July 7, 2003, 9:25 a.m. CST

    Last Unicorn ROCKED!!!!

    by Nice Marmot

    Yeah yeah yeah, I'm counting the seconds to ROTK, that's a givin'! I'm more excited to see that big ass battering ram more than anything else. Can never remember its name. Anyway, it's really cool to hear people talk about The Last Unicorn. Loved that flick as a kid. I can't believe that I never thought of it when that Red Bull energy drink came out. I thought that the new version was just a shift to computer animation, never heard of a live action version. Also, I finally got my written proof that Dragonslayer comes out on DVD in October. 2003, Year of the Geek!!!!!

  • July 7, 2003, 9:31 a.m. CST


    by Miami Mofo

    'Mount Doom' is currently tied for third with 'The Battle of the Pelennor Fields' with two votes each -- two full votes for Pelennor / one full and two half votes for M.D.

  • July 7, 2003, 9:41 a.m. CST


    by Miami Mofo

    "Great engines crawled across the field; and in the midst was a huge ram, great as a forest-tree a hundred feet in length, swinging on mighty chains. Long had it been forging in the dark smithies of Mordor, and its hideous head, founded of black steel was shaped in the likeness of a ravening wolf; on it spells of ruin lay. Grond they named it, in memory of the Hammer of the Underworld of old. Great beasts drew it, orcs surrounded it, and behind walked mountain-trolls to wield it. ... Grond crawled on. ... Grond crawled on. ..." ***You are so right NiceMarmot, Grond will kick some mighty ass!!!!!!!!!

  • July 7, 2003, 10:16 a.m. CST

    HULK Continue to flounder

    by trite a dying fish. $62 Million opening weekend. Down %72 to $18 Million it's second weekend. Down another %50 to $8 Million it's third weekend. Yup. It was really that bad.

  • July 7, 2003, 10:25 a.m. CST

    Did this website get hacked over the weekend?

    by GypsyTRobot

    Just curious - I couldn't access it on Sunday and there were reports of a hacking contest . . .

  • July 7, 2003, 10:41 a.m. CST

    Such a relaxing holiday weekend, guess I'll wander by AIC--Wha w

    by Pallando Blue

    QUINT SET REPORTS! It's about damn well time you got around to it! (Just found out he could write about his visit, INDEED! I hope you were taking notes anyway!) ...Okay, so perhaps this sounds a tad ungrateful. I ain't! Now get cracking on the next report!

  • July 7, 2003, 11:50 a.m. CST

    To quote Holden Caufield...

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... "I swear to god! They're coming in the goddamned window!" *** Isn't this supposed to be a ROTK TB? GEEZE, what IS it that attracts all the psychopaths (you know who you are) to these things?!

  • July 7, 2003, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Psshht! Trubba comin'!

    by morGoth

    Moaters is slipping! I used a TRILOGY of FRIST post and he didn't even comment. Tch, how the mighty have fallen! ** Yup, Grond it is Miami and, snif, just the mere mention of the Hammer of the Underworld brings a Sooty Tear of Joy cascading down my chinny chin-chin. Ah, the feel of Eldar crunching underfoot is something I'll never forget. Erm, I ferget who the poster was who asked about it but you do know there is a spy pic of Grond being weilded by some trolls, yes? *A real honest to goodness RoTK spy pic! Available upon request, as usual. Just send me a line... ** Yeah, I wondered if AICN was a target of the weekend Hackers convention. Guess Father Geek had the good sense to close it down duriong the competition.

  • July 7, 2003, 12:24 p.m. CST

    $11 mil? Peanuts for a major motion picture!

    by rev_skarekroe

    Seriously, let's get a bake sale going or something. sk

  • July 7, 2003, 1:04 p.m. CST

    I ain't slippin no not at all morG...

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... I just don't res pond to you rotten ol TETB barsets when ye uses the dreaded T-Word becaws I know youre just trying to rile up an outbreak-o-TATOW and acterally knows bettern to call the good perfessers book a T*****y! SO you dont gets no res ponts! *** No rumpa, no dum, no zantigen morGoth come!

  • July 7, 2003, 3:01 p.m. CST

    Paul Moloney has an excellent idea

    by 007-11

    All Harry would have to do is set up a special PayPal account, put the link on his site, and watch the money role on in. I bet there are some people out there that would give more than $11 for it.

  • July 7, 2003, 3:56 p.m. CST


    by Runelord

    No time to chat but I thought I

  • July 7, 2003, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Ingold, that is NOT my prose

    by daughter of time

    I would never describe a man's hair as "thick rivulets of chocolate." Or if I ever do, shoot me. But I did encounter the article. PUH-lease. Besides, I'm a pervy hobbit-fancier, not a pervy elf-fancier. Though I am still looking forward to "Pirates." (Though not as much as "Peter Pan," since we're talking pirates.) ***Pervy long-lost King of Gondor fanciers can take note that the new Houghton-Mifflin cover for ROTK makes it all about Aragorn. (And getting the Ring to Mount Doom has nothing to do with it....) Hmmmph. Besides, I think he looks a bit knackered, and should at least have been shown as his teaser poster bad-ass, in-command, staring-down-Sauron self. ***By the way, a certain book has still not arrived in my mailbox.

  • July 7, 2003, 5:18 p.m. CST


    by TomVee

    "Did this website get hacked over the weekend? Just curious - I couldn't access it on Sunday and there were reports of a hacking contest . . ." I too had no luck accessing the site. Must have been those devilish hackers hard at play. Apparently they went after small-ish sites like AICN rather than monster-size sites like IMDB -- and JABOOTU and ROTTEN.

  • July 7, 2003, 5:37 p.m. CST

    Completely off topic: Dr. Who references in T3???

    by GypsyTRobot

    I saw T3 this weekend. The proto killing machines reminded me of Daleks, particularly as they are shown in Genesis of the Daleks. Then when the characters reach their last destination and look at a certain wall, there are all these discs that look suspiciously like the decor of the TARDIS control room (the white high tech one), except painted brown. Coinkydink? or deliberate nods from geeky designers? + Enjoyed T3 thoroughly, much more than Matrix Reloaded - because T3 is both dumb and funny, and not so reliant on CG (for the car chase scene anyway). I'm an old-fashioned gal, give me stuntmen almost dying and real cars blowing up in real explosions anytime. And there was too much philosophical blah blah in MR, everyone taking themselves too seriously in what seems to be turning into a Tron ripoff.

  • July 7, 2003, 5:39 p.m. CST


    by TomVee

    I recall seeing THE WICKER MAN on TV some years ago and not being overly impressed by it. But anything Christopher Lee wishes to undertake at his age should be immediately honored. He ain't gonna be around that much longer, after all.

  • July 7, 2003, 5:42 p.m. CST


    by TomVee

    And while we're at it, I trust all you geeks know Lee is costarring with Jean Reno in CRIMSON RIVERS II.

  • July 7, 2003, 6 p.m. CST

    Very cool choice, Runey!

    by Miami Mofo

    That chapter always makes my mouth water. :~) ***I believe that Father Geek shut the site down yesterday so as not to become a victim of that hacking competition. ***Ingold! How splendid. ***Sorry 'bout that DoT, but that's something I have no control over. I just do the tracking. [But I will send an e-mail to Shards to see if she got to the post office yet. Besides, I really should thank her privately for sending the scans.]

  • July 7, 2003, 6:06 p.m. CST

    Paul Moloney

    by Ribbons

    Sounds like a good idea. If somebody can coordinate the effort, I'd gladly put down $11. What is that, anyway? A six pack and a bag of Cheetos? Come on, guys, you can do it....

  • July 7, 2003, 6:58 p.m. CST

    by thrasymachus

  • July 7, 2003, 9:55 p.m. CST

    DoT, re the book covers,

    by Miami Mofo

    I think you're missing the big picture. The way I read that page over at TORn, those are the book covers for the three volume paperback edition - Frodo on the cover of Fellowship, Legolas on the cover of Two Towers and, as you said, Aragorn on the cover of Return of the King - all of which are contained within the box shown on the bottom pic, the one which states that it is the three volume edition of 'The Lord of the Rings' along with an incredible picture of a fell beast circling Mount Doom. That picture blows me away!!!!!!!!! It is almost exactly the cover I had visualized for the single volume edition, rather than those crappy covers we got to vote on.

  • July 7, 2003, 11:13 p.m. CST

    No, I saw all three covers

    by daughter of time

    I just think Frodo-Legolas-Aragorn is an odd sequence(especially Legolas for TTT), though come to think of it, these are certainly the three that collectively offer the greatest swoon-potential, and therefore are most likely to sell the books. (And I still think the "I AM the Dark Lord's greatest nightmare" teaser poster of Aragorn beats the book cover by a wide margin.)

  • July 8, 2003, 2:16 a.m. CST

    this is my Fathers plane... Ive trained on it!

    by dfalk

    T3 was the shizznit!!!

  • July 8, 2003, 7:32 a.m. CST

    OrionsAngel; DoT

    by Miami Mofo

    Re Fast & Curious, I can't understand why the filmakers didn't include any scenes of the massive traffic jams they created when they closed all those roads for filming. Oh well, here's hoping that Bad Boys 2 will be "more accuarate" in that respect. [I got caught in doozy during that one.] ***DoT, I agree that those covers were kind of a lame choice, except for the box picture, of course. That one rocks!!!!!!!!!

  • July 8, 2003, 10:18 a.m. CST

    Whatsa matta, Quint? You got writer's block or something?

    by Pallando Blue

    Then may I direct you to last week's Tailend Informal Seminar on that very subject. ;) ...Anything, just get out your next report! Gah! *** Miami, completely agree on that box-set cover! Hooo-wee. Ver' nice, VER' nice. And d.o.t., I'm on the record as being the (astoundingly! amazingly! ridiculously! RECOUNT!!) ONLY Full Vote for "Mount Doom" as favorite chapter, so you know I ain't all about the humans. But in defense of Aragorn being slapped on every cover of ROTK, well, he IS the titular (stop sniggering) character. So, if there is going to be a single headshot, he does make more sense than Frodo. So, blame Ralph Unwin for not calling the third volume "The War of the Ring." :) I do agree they could have picked just about any other snapshot of him, though--he looks as if they caught him entering Stage One of either a big yawn or loud sneeze. As for the T2T cover--abominable! Base! Pandering! There's NO reason for that second-place pretty-boy to be on there except for exploitation of the screaming swooners! If there's to be a single-character headshot on that cover by all rights it should be GIMLI! He WON the bloody contest, after all! Poor ol' dwarf, overlooked again. (Should have found a better spot on the battlement... or taken that offer for a box.) *** Actually, I almost got to see a sneak preview of "Pirates..." last night! But, the stupid promo people overbooked, my friend got the time wrong by half an hour, so we were far enough back in line to be turned away. As an apology, we were handed free passes to a sneak preview next week for "Johnny English" and are on the list for later this weeks' sneak preview of "Bad Boys II" (if we get there early enough, ha ha). Not much fer compensation, if'n you ask me--I think I'd rather have just seen Pirates. So, on the spot we decided to wander into the T3 show starting in the next theater over--as compensation for our *time* ;). So, in the end, three free movies out of the deal! And after all that, Pirates will end up getting my B.O. vote. Hmmm, wait a sec. Huh! Now THAT'S clever marketing! Geez but Disney's devious...

  • July 8, 2003, 10:22 a.m. CST

    Poopie LOTR!

    by flight0001

    I happened to see the legendary and much talked about film Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers the other day and found it to be very dull. Thank goodness I only paid a dollar. It was worse than the first film, and that rubbish made me spew vomit from my mouth. I admit the special extended version of the first film, The Fellowship of the Ring, was better than the theatrical release and I only hope the extended Two Towers DVD is better as well. Gone are the days of first-rate movies, now replaced by altered perceptions and computer generated extras. The whole movie-going experience has become horrific nowadays. One cannot escape the crapola commercialism in the theaters, as one is forced to watch commercials BEFORE the previews! I can only enjoy movies in the quite of my own home. Experiencing films in the theater with packs of yapping friends and families dressed in costumes sickens me. I much prefer to enjoy cinema alone in front of my hi-definition gigantic plasma TV and surround sound DVD action. It is then that I can pick apart the film and give my sincerest critique. In The Two Towers, Hobbits Frodo (played by baby-faced Back to the Future part 2 veteran Elijah Wood) and Sam (Sean "our time down here Goonie" Astin), now accompanied by thinly computer generated and multiple personality disordered Gollum (voiced by Andy Serkis), continue their arduous journey to Mount Doom while Merry (Dominic Monaghan) and Pippin (Billy Boyd), the comic relief Hobbits, spend the entire movie in a tree/Ent of Fangorn Forest. That

  • July 8, 2003, 11:21 a.m. CST

    Uh oh, looks like PJ's lost the misanthropist demographic...

    by Pallando Blue

    Dang, flight#, all I can do is shake my head sadly in your general direction and think, "Gosh, poor fella."

  • July 8, 2003, 11:24 a.m. CST

    Flight#=Joyless Tool.

    by Pontsing Barset


  • July 8, 2003, 11:40 a.m. CST

    Hullo all! Nice to see the TE'ers all here again!

    by mortsleam

    I had a nice long 4.5 day weekend (Left early on Thursday)! It's wierd, over the weekend (after viewing the disappointing and somewhat boring Hulk) I had a hankerin' for some, er, quality cinema. So after checking out Olivier's Hamlet and Allen's Stardust Memories, I popped in the ol' FOTR SEV and bathed in all the extra extended goodness. I even watched all the making of stuff again. Then I come here to check on anything I might've missed and LO AND BEHOLD! Two, count 'em, TWO set reports! Well, alright! Way to go Quint, ya crusty glob of "garlic mayo" ya. Glad to hear you spent some quality time with Mr. Lee. After watching the FOTR making ofs, I'm ever-more impressed with his stature, presence, acting ability, and knowledge of all-things Tolkien. And as a fan of the Wicker Man, I'm ready to give up my (precioussss?) 11 bucks to the cause. *** What else? Well, frist, let me add my vote to Runelord's for "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit" with "The Choices of Master Samwise" as a thisclose second. The action, suspense and dialog in "Choices" are superb, with much honest-to-goodness character evolution right on the page, but Sam's Oliphaunt and the dead Southron just get me every time. *** Also, as much as Orion'sAngel sometimes comes off as a completely obsessed loon (but then who doesn't) I have to say I agree with him/her/it with the summer movie assessment thus far. EXCEPT I'd give Finding Nemo a 9/10 and X-2 a bright, shining golden 10/10. And I have to admit that the more I see of Pirates of the Caribbean, the more I'm thinking it'll be "funnest ride of the summer." Or somesuch criticspeak. Admit it, Mortsleam, you're the USA Today Swoonchick. *** It's good to be back! Goo-goo g-Joob!

  • July 8, 2003, 11:49 a.m. CST

    Connexions bloak requests home theatre details...

    by Skyway Moaters

    Not that it has anything to do with Quint's set report mind you(good work BTW you crusty kid you!)but... Gee, Flight#, I'm sure everyone is impressed that you own: hi-definition gigantic plasma TV and surround sound DVD action", but I think you're full of it. What's the brand name(s)? Screen size? Surround algorythm? THX certified? Dolby Digital? DTS? How many channels? What kind of speakers? Etc. Believe me bud I can smell a bull shitter at a 100 paces when it comes to this stuff. What any of your post has to do with Pj's 'little film project' is beyond me, but I'll give you the opportunity to get the other foot in your gob, if it will fit, anyway. And while it's not my place to judge, don't you think it sounds just a little pathetic to say: "I can only enjoy movies in the quiet of my own home"(?). Are you really that disconnected from the rest of your species? Ok you hate the LOTR films. But you know what? We've heard it all before and the schtick is getting BORING. Better luck next time. *** Skyway Moaters' ben an showed, Skyway Moaters' on the road - Namarie, Trubba Not. SM{;-0

  • July 8, 2003, 11:57 a.m. CST

    Can't be sure, but I think Flight# is funnin y'alls

    by mortsleam

    Just sounds too much like a stereotypical troll to me to be anything other than a put on. Oh, and by the way h'biki, that's EXACTLY what it means. PJ is the man. He may even be DA MAN. Check out the making ofs on FOTR SEV, and bask in the glory of his attention to detail, sense of scope, and perfectionism. And the way he forced Christopher Lee to do some of his best work ever. Not only is he the next Kubrick-Fellini-Hitchock-Kurosawa-Welles, when he re-makes King Kong, he'll out Harryhausen Harryhausen. You heard it hear first, straight from the bristled tusks of the Original Walrus of Love. ggg'j.

  • July 8, 2003, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Fer "Trilogy's" sake, here's a third post...

    by mortsleam

    How long did this round of re-shoots last? I find it funny that in the end PJ & Co. wound up shooting another two movies worth of footage. Could be to put his official PJ stamp on footage that was shot with his 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th(!) units. Could be to tighten the ever-increasing plot inconsistencies and hopefully hew closer to the good Professor's original words. But with all that footage lying around, with some two dozen takes of any given scene, I'm just dying to see an eventual super-ultra deluxe mega-expanded 12 or 13 hour miniseries version of this thing! Shown on IFC!!! After all, this is the biggest small-budget independent movie ever made...

  • July 8, 2003, 12:30 p.m. CST

    Nice try mortsleam, ye knows better, and I KNOWS ye knows better

    by Pontsing Barset, nope, nopers, negative, TATOW isnt gunna make no appear ents here today. He's gunna stay in his nasty pinky cave an waitit for the real thing, but you gave me a larf any how. Oh, and Miami, my voat is for "Shadow of the Past"...

  • July 8, 2003, 12:40 p.m. CST


    by MisterGrimloch

    i agree with you completely. this "epic" series has proven to be nothing more than a series of starts and stops with regard to the action sequences, which play as childish Saturday morning cartoons. Christopher Lee, however, is always great, and his very presence in these moronic shitfests does, at least for a few moments, grant a peaceful respite from the otherwise dire scenes with the rest of the pitiful cast. no, the extended cut of TTT will not improve the film, because it is impossible to polish a turd. when it comes to overrated, the LOTR trilogy has taken the crown, regardless of whatever idiotic nonsense is shoveled at us in Returd of the King. why these films are enjoyed by anyone, i have no idea, but i do know that in the passage of time, these films will be forgotten as the overrated and childish garbage they so clearly are.

  • July 8, 2003, 12:51 p.m. CST

    Gaffer declares new book covers to be

    by morGoth


  • July 8, 2003, 1:06 p.m. CST

    May Day

    by gopherkhan

    Sequel to the wickerman? Cool. I guess it would be appropriate to have Ewan MacGregor in it. He was watching the film in Shallow Grave. That movie is MAD GOOD! As for the Last Unicorn, it might be sorta cool. I saw the animated movie a long time ago. Seem to recall the vioce of Mia Farrow and Jeff Bridges....interesting. Lord Summerisle was the bomb.

  • July 8, 2003, 1:32 p.m. CST

    The book covers are fine, but what I'm on about is all the scato

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... like we're supposed to take a post seriously when it contains repeated oh-so-juvenile potty jokes, and oh-so-less-than-clever puns like: "Returd of the King" HAW HAW HAW! Why that boy's a comedic GENIUS I do declare. *** You know how you can tell that this site has gone (WAY) down hill? The quality of the trolls! Never thought I'd say this but: I miss Ryalto, and Muanze, and Lane Meyers! Eru help me I do! At least they were funny, semi-literate and passably articualte. I should be ashamed of myself: I've stooped to responding to fart jokes and poo poo humor. Yeeesh... I hereby pledge to refrain from said practice until further notice!

  • July 8, 2003, 2:14 p.m. CST

    Ghaaaaa - ElfKiller's back!!!!!!!!!

    by Miami Mofo

    And this time he's returned in the guise of a flight attendant. So fasten your seatbelts, it could be a bumpy ride. ***And "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit" makes a late surge and draws to a tie with Pelennor and Mount Doom. [A decision will be forthcoming as to whether two full votes is equal to, or should be considered greater than one full and two half votes.] "Flotsam and Jetsam" still leads as it maintains it's slim 1/2 vote margin over Choices. mortsleam came "thisclose" (a walrus' whisker?) to tripping the scales.

  • July 8, 2003, 2:16 p.m. CST

    This only makes Star Wars look like fodder even more

    by MinasTirithII

    Simply, LOTR is the best trilology ever. Star Wars is indeed piss poor in comparison.

  • July 8, 2003, 2:21 p.m. CST

    Ingold, last summer you voted for...

    by Miami Mofo

    'Flight To The Ford.' Of course you might have misunderstood the question and only replied with your fave FotR chapter rather than LotR chapter. Therefore, before the iVotronic computers crash once again, please confirm your ONE vote. ***Pontsing Barset gets to share his 1/2 vote with Fister Crunchman.

  • July 8, 2003, 2:36 p.m. CST

    Frodo at the Ford

    by daughter of time

    I agree with Ingold, that even with Arwen's arms around him, Frodo could have raised his head and done a bit of "Go back!" defiance. In fact, it would have been perfectly plausible as a last desperate effort of will before he loses consciousness. We need pick-up shots for the still-to-be-hoped-for Platinum Edition.

  • July 8, 2003, 2:57 p.m. CST

    Ha ha ha, he say

    by Snaga-ape

    Must be his favorite subject because it take turd to know turd. Even if Snaga-ape think Peter Jackson

  • July 8, 2003, 3:41 p.m. CST

    Wall-builder gets response outside Standelf!

    by morGoth

    Yeah, we did the

  • July 8, 2003, 3:43 p.m. CST

    Return of the Stupid Homos.

    by elf killer22

    God, I can't believe you stupid fags are still here talking about this dumbass faggot flick. What's the matter with you idiots, anal raped in prison and now you can't get enuff of this homo crap. When is Tea Baggins going to get killed in this movie. The 2nd movie was the worst movie of all time. I can't take 1 more scene of Frodo crying like the gay fag he is. That fuck is cross eyed from staring at so much cock at close range. His chin is damaged from balls slamming into it over and over. Now I suppose this movie was made with an all gay cast of Elfs also? The gay takeover of teh world must stop. God punishes all fags and all that watch these homo propaganda flicks. ATOC still kicks these movies ass.

  • July 8, 2003, 3:54 p.m. CST

    MorGoth is a sausage smuggler

    by elf killer22

    Merry Epson or whatever you are. Your're still the most pathetic posterchild of a raving homo, D&D, Roman Polanski fan, side walking 4 eyed fuckin' freak that habits these boards. Only your momma could love a filthy faggot fuck like your you. Sciencetists will surely stuff your body after your dead and place you next to the Elephant Man to display such a freak of nature. Harry will also be next to you guys. That dumb fuck can't fix a TB in 3 years. MorGoth, just because your daddy raped you and pimped you out to his Star Wars friends doesn't mean you have to be such a pompeous, prissy, PC, self serving, stuckup, neocon, slurpy cock pole winchestor homo. U Fuck

  • July 8, 2003, 4:03 p.m. CST

    What's a "pompeous?"

    by morGoth


  • July 8, 2003, 4:10 p.m. CST

    All right, the gang's all here!

    by Pallando Blue

  • July 8, 2003, 4:15 p.m. CST

    (blasted Enter key)

    by Pallando Blue

    I meant to add, being a gentleman I shall defer my first swing at 'em to the ladies. Elanor? Alice? Enjoy, with my fondest. Ah, just like the good ol' days! Heh heh.

  • July 8, 2003, 4:16 p.m. CST

    How do you correct English when a cock is your mouth?

    by elf killer22

    Grammar police cop wannabee. When you suck cock and the dude slurs a word, can you talk and smoke his pole at the same time? Isn't Chris Lowel the fag of redesign on TV now? Go watch your hero homo now and sit on a toliet plunger made out of dynomite. Your so fucking dumb you making Beetlejuice on Howard Stern look like a rocket sciencetist. ----------------- I've pissed on better people than you.

  • July 8, 2003, 4:17 p.m. CST

    Just for the record...

    by morGoth father (who is not long for this world) never watched Star Wars. Me an' morGette Prime did take him to see Platoon once but his only comment was "We never cussed like that in the Navy!" Heh, if you want to talk war, he's a decorated veteran of both the Iwo Jima and Okinawa invasions. He does think Christopher Lee is cool, however.

  • July 8, 2003, 4:27 p.m. CST

    Just for the record, Part II...

    by morGoth

    ...NOONE has ever whizzed on me. And if they had, they wouldn't have lived to tell the tale. Especially someone who has recently escaped from the Institute for the Mentally Bereft Simian Order. Keep 'em coming, yer "dynomite!" Oh, I see, grade school is out for summer recess and you're back in the same old summer class again (where else would they let you at a keyboard?). Taking "Basic English Skills for Sub-humans" one mo' time?

  • July 8, 2003, 4:30 p.m. CST

    ROTK will be a very poor film....

    by MisterGrimloch

    because there is no reason at this point for Hackson to change his tactics. TTT was a bigger financial success than the superior FOTR, so therefore he will stick to the witless basics of that particular film. i'm sure that for ROTK, we will be served with one giant action scene after another, when the "action" isn't wandering off into some nonsense concerning Aragorn and Arwen involved in some continual re-stating of the scene shown in FOTR during the stopover in Rivendell. the book TTT read like lightning, and was very engaging (despite the fact that Tolkien could put a hummingbird to sleep with his boring prose.), and yet the film was one of the worst bores i've ever sat through. being a masochist, i actually saw this film 4 times in cinemas, trying desperately to enjoy something other than the sequences with Gollum (the only good scenes in the entire film. although now, effects-wise, Gollum has been surpassed by ILM's HULK. yes, LOTR nerdlings, it happened. deal with it.) ahhhhhh, screw it. TTT sucked, and so will ROTK. also, put money on the fact that ROTK will be blasted at the Oscars next year, winning only for visual effects (which it won't deserve.) everyone write down my prediction, because its gonna happen that way.

  • July 8, 2003, 4:33 p.m. CST

    hey Morgoth....

    by MisterGrimloch

    i own you, and whiz on you, everytime i post. yes, Christopher Lee is greatness. no doubts there whatsoever, but even he cannot save this sorry, childish trilogy of turkeys. in several years, these films will be the topic of discussions such as "why did anyone EVER like those pieces of shit." trust me, it will happen.

  • July 8, 2003, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Miami! I done tol you: Fister done the juicy with Aunty!

    by Pontsing Barset

    ... hes gone dead and roading with Aunty and her gyint rat! Them stoan boans iron tits and lower set of teef done for him finisht and parper! I gets the WOAL of that there vote!: FOTR Chapter 2: SHADDER-O-THE PAST...

  • July 8, 2003, 4:44 p.m. CST

    For your record.

    by elf killer22

    Did he mention that before or after your daddy gave you a Klonic? Are you still taking notes on everything I say? Then write this down. Morgoth is a flaming faggot that likes his ass fisted by Uncle Tony spanking and fisting his pantied ass. Morgoth has drank more cum than Jan Michael Vincent at a Coors manufactoring plant slamming beer. Morgoth cried watching LOTR more than Pee Wee has downloaded internet porn. Morgoths mom was a bucktooth nigger that was so fat that her ass has its own income tax. To weigh her you need to go to a highway truck driving scale. Her ass is so fat Bush labeled it a WMD. She ended up getting AIDS because your dad was the Nigger that fucked the green monkey. Then your mom fucked every sailor in the Navy and spread AIDS to other countries. The bitch had more kids than the Bin Laden family mixed with Mexican DNA. She eats so much food that is more than Canadas GNP when they don't have mad cow, which reminds me of your momma. She created a new dease called Mad Fat Cow dease. That bitch has more junk in the trunk than 5 Pyhoots jacking up Pontiacs on an Indian Reservation.

  • July 8, 2003, 4:45 p.m. CST

    Yeah, right...

    by morGoth own me? Remember when Fister Crunchman burnt you a new one and spoke of your missed calling as a court jester? Well, since you obviously live in a fantasy world of your own (are you wearing your little Grimloch outfit right now?), you just keep believing that since it's mildly humoring. Lessee, decades from now, the rest of the planet will still be wondering how folks, such as yourself (and the company you keep...eeesshhh!), entirely missed the boat on Jackson's epic 'Lord of the Rings.' I won't, because you won't even be remembered as a classic AICN troller much less as someone who knew the first thing about movies. Sad, really, but you keep up your, ooooooo, death metal schtick. Like I said, it's mildy humorous to the rest of us and it's always interesting to see how long it will take you to get banned again...right along with that other head on you shoulder...e_k. NEXT!

  • July 8, 2003, 4:52 p.m. CST

    New Tv special on MorGoth

    by elf killer22

    The DSC has a new show called. Walking With Faggots. Morgoth is a technical advisor and star of the new homo series to complete with the fag fest now on the Bravo network.------------------------------Morgoth was quoted during the making of Walking with Faggots about drinking piss. Morgoth having been pissed on by 1,000s of times and shit on in many internet scat flicks became technical scat advisor for realism. Morgoth is also know for urnial medicine and claims that drinking 1 glass of piss a day will cure anything. Some of you might have seen this piss drinker on HBO late night

  • July 8, 2003, 4:53 p.m. CST

    Oh, that's interesting too...

    by morGoth

    ...I guess e_k has tired of calling people "Jews" and now has to resort to the "n" word. Yer a real class act sport. I am curious about one thing, how do you keep picking that lock on your cage? Are you still part of that "encephalic" study or have they removed the dung beetle cerebrum yet? Sadly, I hear funding for studying "your condition" has dang near dried up for lack of progress. Hopeless, I suppose. Oh, I hear Grimloch is auditioning as a "Grim Reaper" sock puppet...could you give him a hand? ** One thing is for sure, Christopher Lee IS a class act and so is Quint for giving us these reports! We wants more!

  • July 8, 2003, 4:54 p.m. CST

    Pong of TATOW oversmelled outside derndingle...

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... oh dear oh dear, poor Abel (Pontsing B.) is sure to be off with his Aunty any tyme now! He dint lykit much when Fister terned it over to him but hes startin to warm to now oh yes. I pirntout theres boun to be trubba qwick if these trolling barsets keap up the track theyr on... *** Hmm, favorite lines; need to study on that one for a spell...

  • July 8, 2003, 4:58 p.m. CST

    What's a "urnial?"

    by morGoth

    <nt> Hey, wait, I hafta go harvest some more nightshade for my upcoming Gay D&D Fest being held in my mom's basement. Hope I haven't lost any of my 30 sided dice when I jumped over that Majic River that Dorothy warned me about! So, you just hang in there sweetums and I'll be back in a jiffy. Kisses and hugs XOXOXOX!

  • July 8, 2003, 4:59 p.m. CST

    Herbs and Stewed Rabbit - a Midwesterner's favorite meal.

    by Miami Mofo

    Umm, do I detect a pattern here? Two guys from Michigan and a gal from Wisconsin vote for Herbs and Rabbits. It's a good thing JD went with Flotsam, or else I'd think that there was some sort of Big Ten conspiracy to hijack the vote. Be that as it may, Ladies and Gentlemen, WE HAVE A TIE! With a huge late surge, H & R pulls even with F & J with three (single) votes each. Shards and Bjarki still need to vote. ***Tough titties Ponset (or whatever your name is). Pallando refuses to give up Fister's 1/2 vote for Mount Doom. You'll just have to live with: Moaters: all Tom Bombadil from Old Man Willow through Barrow Downs; Fister Barset: Mount Doom.

  • July 8, 2003, 5:26 p.m. CST


    by MisterGrimloch

    whatever nonsense you are spewing about someone "burning me a new one", is just that, nonsense. in one post, i got you so incensed about your little movie series that you can't deal with it. by the way, what is a "Grimloch outfit"? when you actually know anything about music, movies, or a topic other than semen drinking (which Elfkiller has correctly pointed out as one of your "talents") then, you may come on board and post. and as far as getting banned, don't count on that mattering. trust me, i will always be around to point out to you how awful the LOTR films really are. i realize to you they are everything, but to me, they are terrible films that are so ignorantly overrated, they will undoubtedly lead to a furtherance of such rotten filmmaking because of their undeserved success at the box office. you like 'em? go watch em. that is, when you aint taking notes on every word Elfkiller and I dictate to you. oh, and did i say that ROTK will be a horrible film?

  • July 8, 2003, 5:47 p.m. CST

    Swoonage alert!

    by daughter of time

    Hey, all. Check out the high-resolution Aragorn poster over on TORN. That is some intense voltage in the eyes. I can just see Sauron reeling.

  • July 8, 2003, 5:50 p.m. CST

    Straight from the Head Geek's mouth...

    by Pontsing Barset

    "...Blatant abuse, personal attacks, OFF-TOPIC BS, cross-posting, blatant advertising, and hate speech are all fodder for deletion. In other words, being a jerkwad loser will get you banned." What is it? Is some deamon that get's inside? Mommy didn't pay them enough attention? Just what the fuck is it!? Like there aint enough shit in the world without dragging retarded, pugilistic ad-hominim attacks onto a FUCKING MOVIE MESSAGE BOARD???!!! For Christ's sake open a vein or something already, join the Nazi party, come out of the closet, SOMETHING! But for the love of Illuvatar, keep it off the TB! If this wasn't the web they'd never have the balls to say ANY of the crap they regurgitate here, because somebody would kick their candy asses!

  • July 8, 2003, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Don't raise your voice, defend your argument! (if you HAVE one t

    by Skyway Moaters

    Woo Chargrim! You got me shakin in my boots! Big brave chelloveck eh? Now that you perceive that Elfkiller "has your back"? Or are you two perhaps, one in the same? Hmm? You guys are right, and the millions of others who liked the first two installments of PJ's LOTR are wrong. Worse than wrong, they're brain-dead faggots right? SO, if FOTR and TTT are such TERRIBLE films hows about you just go on and name a few films that AREN'T so terrible, you know, to illustrate your point? And defend your argument? Like a reasonalbe, intelligent homo-sapient might; instead of just flinging the illest highschool insults you can come up with on the spur of the moment; in a moment of "passion"?

  • July 8, 2003, 6:53 p.m. CST


    by MisterGrimloch

    i assure you, i am not "Elf killer". and nor am i working in conjunction with him to stir up terror in your heart. further, i have nothing to "prove" to you, or any of the other insignificant shut-ins on this site. i am free to come here, post away, and proclaim my opinion in the most negative fashion i choose. my opinions are not swayed by the box office success of a film, nor by the critical accolades, or lambasting, that may occur. i also am not interested in debating with an annonymous chimp such as you on the merits or lackthereof, for Peter Jackson's efforts, or any other director's efforts for any film. when i state a film is crap, thats it. it is crap. period. and since i also, unlike you, do not come here to "make friends" with anyone, i am not particularly interested in what anyone else has to say about "me" (which is in and of itself ludicrous, as we all post annonymously) or "Elf Killer", or "Morgoth" (despite the obvious fact that whoever he is, there is clearly a lack of anything resembling a "normal" existence. i mean, this guy dares to comment on my screen name, when he adopts the persona of a ridiculous fantasy "Dark Lord", indicating a clear child-like need to be strong in his own fantasy, because in the real world he is doubtless teased on a regular basis by many who lay eyes upon him.) or even you. i am here to say the LOTR films are poorly realized, poorly written, and unjustly praised by many. i say this, because it is fact. and i truly believe that in several years, after the hype has died down, and after the masses of sheep that follow this garbage have latched onto another flavor of the month, these films will be essentially forgotten. regardless of what ANYONE says, one thing is inarguable fact (though i'm sure after i post this, many of you will stupidly post arguments to the contrary of my statement), these films have NOT influenced modern-day filmmaking the way the original Star Wars film did. i realize that many of you will happily begin ranting that i must be a SW "troll" (where do you losers come up with these terms?), and if it makes you all feel better, than by all means, since you won't have anything "better" to do tonight or any other night anyway. but, the fact of the matter is that the success of Star Wars altered the entire thinking process of the industry. the LOTR films are simple "big hits", and that is all. the effects, while passable, are not the award worthy technology they have been said to be, and clearly neither Oscar for visuals was deserved by WETA. in BOTH cases, ILM was the superior effort. (A.I. in 2001, and Clones in 2002. and i'm sure that HULK and T3 will be robbed by ROTK in the same category at the next Oscar ceremony.) if i havent made it clear, i will restate the obvious...i am thoroughly disgusted with the poor efforts put forth by Peter Jackson and his crew with these adaptations. this post has gone on far too long.

  • July 8, 2003, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Grimloch speaks.........

    by MisterGrimloch

    i am truly in hysterics that because there are a couple of people on this talkback ranting about the lack of quality in the LOTR films (myself and "elf killer") several of you think that we must be the same person. that is genuinely hilarious, and at the same time very telling that so many of you are honestly clueless to the fact that there are indeed ALOT of people who went out and saw these so called "classics", and...shiver....DIDN'T LIKE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!! is there any way possible to address how baffling that fact is? as for me, i'm a masochist, thats why i saw the film 4 times. what are you complaining about anyway, i gave more money to your shit film. you should be kissing my ass that my stupidity sent more dollars flying toward a film that deserved to crash and burn.

  • July 8, 2003, 6:58 p.m. CST

    Big yawn heard near Rushock Bog

    by morGoth

    Oh, you know, the

  • July 8, 2003, 7:17 p.m. CST

    by morGoth

    Heh, that from Orlando Bloom in an article about him in the latest Newsweek. Poor guy, seems he

  • July 8, 2003, 7:20 p.m. CST

    Well I must say Grimloch: I am impressed!

    by Pontsing Barset

    ....BWA HAHAHAHAHAH!! I KNEW I couldn't say that and keep a straight face. Oh son, your KILLLIN' me with that stuff! "I don't come here to make friends..." Just what do you come here for? To get your jollies by trying to piss off a bunch of complete strangers? To get your fair share of abuse? Your last post was totally flabbergasting! All kneel and acknowledge his superiority: HAIL GRIMLOCH! CLEARLY we are no match for you! In learning nor wisdom... Nor tast in movies ESPECIALLY, Hmf, Doh! BWAAA HAHAHAHAH! I can't take it! this guy is going make me bust a gut! HOOO! *wipes away tears of mirth* I'm done with you boy. You haven't the wit to carry on a decent conversation much less the stones back up your pathetic ravings... But that WAS some funny, FUNNY shit! Heh heh... *** So who's up for a little Moot? How does "Goddam" meet his end in "BORED OF THE RINGS"? morG? Anyone?

  • July 8, 2003, 8:11 p.m. CST

    Trolls! Real trolls!

    by AliceInWonderlnd

    And here was me thinking they were all extinct. Elfy! Is that really you? I missed you! It's been a long time. How was prison, anyway? Or was it the animal research laboratory? I'm sure the offer of a cage and free food must have been initially tempting, at least until they shaved your back and stuck live electrodes on it. I just wanted to tell you, last time I saw you post, I could see you crying out for me. "Where's the rest of you gay fagots and Eurotrash" (sic) was your plaintive cry. Alas, I was in transit and could not answer you to smooth down your crusty brow, murmur comforting words into your pointed hairy ears, or even throw buckets of cold water over you when you start sticking your hands agitatedly down the front of your pants and moving them about in a suspicious manner, as happens every time you mention Elijah Wood (don't worry, I won't tell him, it can be a secret between us, oh, and the eleventy jillion readers of this site). But I'm here now, so don't fret. Remember, Jesus loves you - he's kind of forced to, admittedly, since he didn't really leave himself a get-out clause. But anyway, hello everyone - I am a fleeting presence I'm afraid as you find me in the midst of a move. I'm okay with Aragorn on the cover, though I agree that they could have picked a better photo of him looking a bit more like a King in the midst of Returning. And of course Legolas got a photo slot. There is a ginormous contingent of slavering fangirls that made this a no-brainer. Ah, the ways of commerce. That said, Gimli was Mr. June on my calendar. Anyway, I better get off, got things to do. Just wanted to say hi. Hi!

  • July 8, 2003, 8:32 p.m. CST

    Oh and just one thing Grimloch ol' buddy

    by Pontsing Barset

    ... "I wouldn't debate with an anonymous chimp like you" I think is how you put it to Moaters. Wel boy, just you send me an e-mail with information on how to get aholt-o-you in person and I can guarandamnfuckingtee I won't remain anonymous for long...

  • July 8, 2003, 10:20 p.m. CST

    Here's his e-dress, Ponsting Barset

    by elanor

    I wasn't gonna say anything but since you asked, Mister Grim-Char-Loch can be reached at How do I know? Weeel, the little perv's been stalking me with e-mails for the last three days. Poor little fella, I guess since he got banned he got lonely so he thought he could convince me to be his pen pal. But see, he's got a friend, now! Sweet little EK 470 is back. I vote we dress 'em up and leave 'em in the sandbox a while, let 'em play together. Who do you bet will be the first to find the cat poop from last Friday?*** Sorry you had to weather that idiotic onslaught of bullshit, MorG. I sent an e-mail to Harry for you - and to Father Geek since I know Harry's OOT. It does get ridiculous sometimes but I know you see it for the lameness it is.

  • July 8, 2003, 10:24 p.m. CST

    Here's to the trolls

    by elanor

    Let elanor the hobbit-lass, Sam & Rosie's daughter, warn you against foolish words. You speak evil of that which is fair beyond the reach of your thought, and only little wit can excuse you.

  • July 8, 2003, 10:42 p.m. CST

    My first trilogy of posts (in a long while)

    by elanor

    ALICE! That was priceless. Thank you.***As for the book covers, well, I just wouldn't have picked any of those shots myself. The Frodo on is the best, because I think Frodo deserves the spotlight whenever he can be granted it. But the shot doesn't say "Fellowship" to me. The shot of Legolas is great but seems to be there to draw the fans. And as much as I love to see any picture of Viggogorn, why this one beat out any of two dozen others is a mystery to me. But Miami is right, the fell beast one is great (and entirely appropriate) for the box. But as DoT suggests, this is probably all swoon factor anyway. I have yet to buy a new paperback version of ROTK. I'm sure I will have occasion to in the near future. There are several covers to choose from at the moment and I think I would choose an Alan Lee painting over this one.***So where the hell is Quint? I want my spy report!***My first spoiler avoidance is occurring with the "Witch King in full regalia" over at TORN. I don't need to see that right now. If I catch a glimpse in the trailer (what trailer???) then that's OK but I don't want to look at the moment. BTW, I don't know if anybody noticed an earlier post of mine in which I relate that I have found a store that will likely have the DVD early! If that happens, I promise to buy it and immediately watch the ROTK trailer and give you a report. Probably one spoiler-free and one spoiler-full. Course, by that time SOMEONE better connected than I will probably have seen it and spilled the beans but I can dream, can't I?***Miami - what was my vote? I don't remember any more. I know I said "A Long Expected Party" (and to that I hold, the elanor does not wax and wane.) but what was my other vote? OHASR? F&J? God how I love them all.

  • July 8, 2003, 11:04 p.m. CST

    A few more thoughts on the Houghton Mifflin covers

    by daughter of time

    Well, it's mostly on the horrible copy attached, but I do think it's a terrible picture of Aragorn, the more I look at it. Not only does he look especially frazzled, but his lips are hot pink. But as for the copy, try this for "Two Towers": "Now (Frodo and Sam) continue the journey alone down the great River Anduin..." Must be a different TTT than I read. And try this passage for ROTK: "Aragorn... has joined with the Riders of Rohan... and took part in the desperate victory of the Hornburg." Maybe someone in the editorial department needs a refresher course in verb tenses. That is a nice photo of Frodo - though not nearly as good, or appropriate, as the one in the earlier paperback edition where he's holding the Ring in Bag End. I loved that one so much I almost DID buy the paperback, which I absolutely don't need, as my original three volumes are in excellent shape. ***I suspect that within no more than nine days, I'll have seen some serious ROTK promotion at Comic Con.

  • July 9, 2003, 6:49 a.m. CST

    DECLASSIFIED (one day only): It's Wednesday!

    by Miami Mofo

    Twenty-three weeks (efe) until LotR:RotK!!!!!!!!! ***DoT, did you say NINE days????????? :~) ***elanor, F&J? OHASR? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! That 1/2 vote would break the current tie. Your half vote (the other being AL-eP because, as you stated, it is the frist), which was told to me in person (thus is carved in stone) at JR's is ... 'The Scouring of the Shire.' ["I don't understand that vote," thinks P.J. to himself. :~)] ***As for the current tie, I believe that Shards of Narsil recently wrote that she's currently re-reading LotR, so we shall await her vote. It may, or may not, break the tie. Brings back fond memories of three years ago, doesn't it? ;~) ***Here's some interesting stats. Of the fourteen votes cast, Book 1 gets 1 vote; Book 2 none; Book 3 - 3 (all F&J); Book 4 - hands down winner - 5.5 votes!!!; Book 5 - 2 (all BoPF); Book 6 - 2.5. ***Thanks to all those who took part. ***Skyway Fister Pontsing Barset Crunchman Moaters: Be warned. I shall have my revenge!!!!!!!!! ;~)

  • July 9, 2003, 8:59 a.m. CST


    by Miami Mofo

    In perusing these posts, I came across, once again, Bregalad's post regarding TORn's Quickbeam and his on-set reports from a few years ago. It just dawned on me (DUH!!!) that in the book, Quickbeam's real name is Bregalad, so I suppose that it's not too far out to think that here, in cyberspace, TORn's Quickbeam and AICN's Bregalad are also one and the same. If so, way to toot your own horn, Cliff. ***Nu????????? So where's the next report already! [I'm a thinkin' that maybe Quint will stretch 'em out and post 'em weekly. Wednesday sounds like a fine day to post 'em, don't ya think?]

  • July 9, 2003, 9:52 a.m. CST

    Ah such a sweet Hobbit lass...

    by Pontsing Barset

    ...come to soothe the tempers, ameliorate the animosity, relieve the tension... You can jus call me Ponts if ye wants to Miss Elanor, *wink wink*...

  • July 9, 2003, 10:20 a.m. CST

    He he, 'titular'

    by Conan_the_Humble

    Sorry, I can't stop sniggering Pallando... Is it just me or does 'Flight' seem a bit thick? He seems like a normal 'run of the mill' troll, 'Elfkiller' etc, but hasn't yet developed the wit to truly impress with his written disparaging of all things LOTR. I hope he's not a TE in disguise, (it's been known to happen before folks) because I'd be disappointed if it was. TE's are usually witty and hysterical when pretending to be something they're not (ie: a Troll). If it IS a tailender being funny, you need to have a look at your material, then we can REALLY unleash TATOW before realising it's just a joke... If it is not a TE and it's merely some idiot, go away knob, better than you have been flamed in these here talkbacks and have slinked away with their tail betwixt their legs... Cheers.

  • July 9, 2003, 10:42 a.m. CST

    Beautiful, ladies, well done indeed

    by Pallando Blue

    I knew there was a reason I gave up my spot in the rotation. Far more fun to read y'all's graceful wit than endure my own eventual devolution into "Fuck you, swine!" when elfcatcher69 gets racist. Although as Ingold pointed out, our favorite "death metal keyboardist" (maintaining straight face, hold it, ho-o-old i-i-it) never DID answer my question last time. So, unless informed otherwise, by default I am going to picture him in full make-up and costume--black dacron cape with pointy-tipped collar, and all--as he angrily clicks at his computer in the dim light of a monitor streaked with dripping red candle wax. Complete with muffled death metal leaking from his headphones (necessary so as not to wake up his fucking dick of a roommate, who fucking likes Sugar Ray for fuck's sake). It's just so much fun that way! Or, perhaps better yet, in full make-up and costume at his day job office cubicle... *** As for the "Witch-king in full armor" semi-spoiler over at TORN, well, not too impressive but none too worrying for that. (And it's a really small pic, too, elanor. But basically he looks a lot like Sauron there and as TORN points out, they redesigned the W-k's look almost completely this summer because of that.) These are the Toybiz toys, after all--remember the goofy Treebeard "action figure"? So think on it like this: Toy Treebeard is to Film Treebeard as Toy Witch-king is to _________ (to be filled in later, upon seeing that bastard for REAL). So, we shall see, we shall see... *** There was something else someone brought up, but daggit I forgot. So, I'll wrap up with QUINT! GET OUT THE NEXT DAMN REPORT! Please?

  • July 9, 2003, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Hyperborean unlimbers and then actually reads other posts...

    by Conan_the_Humble

    Ooh, we have bigger fish to fry than Flight00-whatever. Firstly, grimloch, didn't we agree in another talkback that discussing LOTR was a waste of time and that it would be better for everyone (including you) if you just left? I can re-post that little discussion here if you like, but I am sure an intelligent, rational person like yourself would remember that? Oh Btw, who's the bigger loser? The loser that posts here or the loser that comes here simply to bag other losers? Elf-killer, funny you should turn up again. I'm thinking Elf-killer ss a 'TE'er' disatisfied with the current discussion and I'm blaming Pallando!!! Where's he been lately, eh? All of a sudden out springs Elf-killer out of nowhere after not posting for months and suddenly Pallando disappears from the TB's... Pallando hasn't posted here since the 8th!!! Based on this scant circumstantial evidence I reckon it's him!!! If it's not, I humbly prostrate myself before you and beg forgiveness. Oh and Elf-Killer, fuck-off. Cheers.

  • July 9, 2003, 10:50 a.m. CST

    Damn, there goes that theory out the window...

    by Conan_the_Humble

    It was in 'minutes' in the making too... Sorry pallando. Cheers.

  • July 9, 2003, 11:22 a.m. CST

    Thanks, guys.

    by AliceInWonderlnd

    I don't for a moment believe that Elfy is real, sad as this makes me. I think he's a creation, and a rather brilliant one in his own vile little way. His misspellings are too inconsistent and occasionally he pushes his character envelope too far. Dan Caputi was the same (I do think that he is a TE, and I keep my own counsel as to who I think he is, she says, looking straight at PB). But I don't think my little elven butter crumpet's a regular Tailender - he's so gratuitously offensive and yet manages to avoid banning, and his presence normally coincides with the ramping up of hype for the next movie - which makes me think that it might be an "inside job", if you know what I mean. Grimloch might be real, but I only think that because he isn't very funny. Ultimately, nobody trolls better than somebody inside a certain fandom, as it were - because they know the weaknesses and the buttons to push. (Sighs a little at the intense sadness of online life). Most of the original AICN trolls have all now folded in the wake of greatness, it seems, but does anybody remember GunsBlazin, reborn as Starbuck1973? He was another unfunny guy - really, really angry, presumably at anyone liking anything better than SW. Very persistent though. I think he's still knocking around somewhere. He was disappointed in Ep2, I think, which took the wind out of his sails a bit. I actually felt sorry for him because that must suck and if that had happened to me and TTT that would have been very grim, but then he was so mean-spirited that one's sympathy can really only be limited. And Mercier - Mercier was pretty funny, which again makes me think he was a stealth troll - a very obvious and deliberate one, considering the speed of his volte-face. Weren't Elanor and Morgy keeping a list of naysayers at some point? Weren't they going to publish it? What happened to that?

  • July 9, 2003, 12:42 p.m. CST

    One more time for all you T-word flinging numbskulls out there b

    by Skyway Moaters


  • July 9, 2003, 12:54 p.m. CST

    O yes Alice my sweet

    by morGoth

  • July 9, 2003, 1:15 p.m. CST

    Alice, you really are a sorry mess....

    by MisterGrimloch

    as you sit here, online, commenting on the sadness of "online life", all the while directing your ideas about as to who is "real" and who isn't. the genuinely sorry thing about it all is, people like you are so utterly horrified that something you like doesnt appeal to everyone (eg..the LOTR films directed by Peter Jackson.) and you simply cannot comprehend that. then, when someone such as myself comes along and rips into them, you feel a need to bond with your fellow talkbackers who liked the film, in an effort to somehow "prove" that i'm wrong. you miss the point each and every time you post. i mean it, every single time. its truly ludicrous. get this through your head; the LOTR films are subject to criticism at every level, and by anyone who chooses to do so. they are not "factually" great, nor are they "factually" poor. what you hate is that i am able to spit venom and actually cause a riot on here over............A MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then, a few posts later, some idiot (sorry moron, whoever you are, i cannot remember your screen name) actually declares a vague threat to me, ONLINE!!!!!! how daring. how mature. indeed, how brave. understand this, folks. you are free to post your love of these films, just as i am free to post my disgust. and get ready for the killer....... here it comes......i actually thought FOTR was phenomenal. saw it an outrageous 13 times in theaters. 13!!!!! talk about obsession. TTT? saw it 4 times. gave it constant chances. didn't work for me. will i buy it? you bet. and also, the 5 disc gift box. why? i'm a completist, and i didnt "really" have nausea during it as i have said to you people for the past 6 months. but, to prove my point of how utterly lost you all are in what other people say, you all, practically on command, went nuts with rage that anyone would DARE to speak negatively about 3 hours of entertainment. the problem really is that most of you are simply too wrapped up in the whole thing to be able to ignore anyone else's comments. if you did, you wouldnt be on here posting day after day about how much of an idiot Grimloch is. LOTR fans have an attitude that is, incredibly, even more juvenile and protective than the moronic SW nerds, and that is, if you don't LOVE Tolkien, or Jackons, then you're simply "wrong". i mean, i saw the films countless times AND own both versions of the first. i have read the book several times in the past couple of decades. now, why is it a sin to state that IT SUCKED? hmmmmmm? its almost as idiotic as the fans of The Matrix who offer the laughable explanation that if you don't like the Matrix, you must simply have not understood it. now, THATS funny.

  • July 9, 2003, 1:27 p.m. CST

    Wot's all this "woe is me" shite?

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... That ain't the 'Enemy (Nemminy of the World' I remember 9have in memberment)! Suddenly I feel like Bluto in Animal House... "was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour?!" "Never mind he's rolling..." "Hell No! And it ain't over now!" So quit cryin in your beer there Mr. morGoth. Stick yer chin out an put your han to a man's doing! Quit pontsing for them barset trolls sling yer bundle and away! Iwl help you alls I can. You cant roadit oansome thru AICN you needit us other tailenders for dog safe and you knows it!

  • July 9, 2003, 2:12 p.m. CST

    Your not a completist (is that even a word?), you are a nut case

    by Pontsing Barset

    I and other regular posters to this forum have absolutely no problem with someone voicing their dislike for TTT or anything else for that matter. We in fact welcome such posters if they have a defendable point to make and are even a little articulate in how they go about it. But guys like you, because and only because of the anonymity afforded by the WWW, come on here and just shit all over the place. You launch personal ad-homonym attacks, you state your opinions as if they are fact and then gloat over your perception that you've 'upset the apple cart' because none of us can BELIEVE that anyone could possibly talk bad about these films. Here

  • July 9, 2003, 2:18 p.m. CST


    by morGoth

    I no it well an it

  • July 9, 2003, 3:38 p.m. CST

    Pontsing Bartwhatever....

    by MisterGrimloch

    just as you asked me to "back up my arguments" (which is an idiotic request to make of someone stating they don't like a film. i don't "need" to back up anything. i didnt like TTT. thats it. yes, i have detailed reasons, which i have stated months ago, in detail. apparently you didnt pay close attention to that post, and instead chose to concentrate on this series of rants. i would ask that you "back up" your claims about my "behavior". the funny thing is, if i left here for several weeks, and then returned with a different name, posting happily about how "great" everything having to do with Tolkien, Jackson and LOTR is, you'd all be delighted to type away ad nauseum to me about the various intracasies about the whole thing, which supports my earlier statement that you simply can't handle it when someone posts to the contrary. "proof", and "back up" are irrelevant. however, i will refer to Conan the Humbles correct assessment that it would probably be "better" for all involved if i simply left. at least this guy can "handle" online venom. i will, however, be delighted to come back and witness the "rage" that Alice, and elanor, and Morgoth, and Pontsing, and all the other Everquest wackos feel when ROTK gets ousted at the Oscars. of course, when that happens, everyone will just say "the Oscars mean nothing.", excepting of course for visual effects and any trophies that this laughable trilogy does in fact win. obviously those wins will have been "deserved". ok, i get it now.

  • July 9, 2003, 4:01 p.m. CST

    Can't handle it ?

    by Pontsing Barset

    ..what in the world are raving about now? I couldn't give a rat's ass what you think about TTT or films or life in general. I object to the way you verbally assualt innocent by-standers with your half baked criticisms. I hate that you attack people personally without even the poor excuse of provocation. I couldn't care less if these films are well liked, well received, or fiscally successful. All that matters is that I like them. And unlike you can give reasons WHY I (emphasis on I) like them. I think I just figured you out. I think you care desperately what others think about your opinions and can't stand it when a rabid post of yours ellicits a reasonable, logical response. You crave the reaction, NEED the attention. I think (emphasis on I again) you need help little brother. If I'm wrong why don't you piss off (as I've repeatedly requested) without a response to prove it? Oh yeah, I forgot, you don't have to prove ANYTHING to ANYBODY, I forgot about the omnicient thing you seem to think you have going on...

  • July 9, 2003, 4:14 p.m. CST


    by MisterGrimloch

    what does your screen name refer to anyway? my comments on proving things, one way or another, refer to the fact that it would be impossible to "prove" either of our opinions, as they are just that, opinions. you think what you do. period. the proof is there for you, not for me, and that is sufficient. it works the other way around, too. as for being "god-like", where on Earth did you ever get the impression i had such an inflated opinion of myself? if you'll recall, it was you who posted what has certainly got to be considered the ultimate juvenile post, and that is, a THREAT!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm honestly hoping you are aware of how utterly, and impossibly stupid such a thing is. back to ROTK, why are you tortured by my spite and venom towards this trilogy? please answer all my questions from this post, including the first, regarding your screen name.

  • July 9, 2003, 5:42 p.m. CST

    Grimloch, just to narrow this down....

    by daughter of time

    First, if you feel no need to elaborate WHY you didn't like TTT, why are you here? Merely to scream over and over that you didn't like it? What good is that, and isn't it an awful waste of your time? You can't get a lively debate going with a non-substantiated position, and you are merely spending your time generating abuse, which seems, well, more pathetic than disliking a movie. You obvious crave some kind of response from us, or you wouldn't be here. And I'm saying this as one who didn't like quite a bit of TTT and has caught some flak for it, though I did love much of it. Did you truly see it four times without liking ANY of it? You didn't like any of the character threads, or the photography, or even the music? And yet you say you loved FOTR? Very odd, because I would think there has to be SOME crossover between what appealed to you in the first one and what you saw in the second. Which leads me to: Why are you already gloating about ROTK losing at the Oscars, when you have a 50/50 love/hate relationship with the first two films? Wouldn't you have been happy if FOTR had won, after seeing it 13 times? How can you be sure ROTK won't remind you more of FOTR than TTT? And how can you be quite that hostile to a team of people who gave you so much pleasure with at least one of their efforts? Yes, I know it's disappointing.... I felt let down by various aspects of TTT, the details of which others here have heard before (and a few have even shared), and I'm hoping some of that won't translate into similar disappointments with ROTK, but I also know that there are bound to be any number of stunning scenes, and I will be VERY surprised if it doesn't win Best Picture. Please do show up in February and admit it if you turn out to be wrong. And do try to express yourself without the personal abuse.

  • July 9, 2003, 6:30 p.m. CST

    Sorry, morGoth

    by AliceInWonderlnd

    morGy, sir, I am sorry if I troubled you. Though in fairness to myself, I never said that Elf-killer or the other ones were TailEnders, since I don't believe this. I might have said I thought Dan Caputi was, but then he was an obvious comedy character, and garnered a few laughs. I don't know if he sent you spam and viruses and threatening email, but I'm happy to be corrected. Grimloch, if you've been stalking people off the boards, then you're a much sorrier mess than I, and even sorrier than the one I took you for. I wouldn't have the energy for such endeavours even if I had the inclination, but to each their own. Since this will be the last time I acknowledge you or read any of your posts, I ought to make my position crystal clear, especially since you made the effort to write such a long response. I don't have a problem with you not liking a movie. I don't have a problem with you posting an opinion. I merely said you were an unfunny troll. (To troll, to be deliberately provocative in order to attract a response). Since you got a response, and weren't even funny to get it, I would have thought you'd be pleased. There's no making some folks happy, I suppose.

  • July 9, 2003, 7:40 p.m. CST

    Might as well wade in...

    by Xyzan

    Might as well join in, just for a quick visit. Grimloch, you

  • July 9, 2003, 7:43 p.m. CST

    daughter of time, Morgoth, Alice, PB, elanor and anyone else i

    by MisterGrimloch

    you're all wonderful people, and deep down i respect your desire to share information on these boards about LOTR, or any other series of films, books, music, whatever. i will endeavor to be a better human being in my behaviour on talkbacks such as this (actually, this site is the only place where i invest time to spit venom, or praise) and your hatred and/or love of my posts is appreciated. and yes, you can believe that come March, if ROTK wins any Oscar (especially Best Picture) i will return here and proclaim my bold prediction as having been incorrect. further, if anyone here believes i offended their sensibilities with my anger ridden rants, i offer my humble apologies.

  • July 9, 2003, 7:59 p.m. CST

    Lines I want to hear but doubt I will:

    by Miami Mofo

    Number 1: "... they've been and dug up Bagshot Row and ruined my taters!" More later. ***Xyzan, now that you mention it, what does your handle mean? ***DoT, I received an e-mail from Shards. Unfortunately, she's been under the weather, but will try to get to the post office manana. She also might be casting a vote soon -- Will she break the tie? The Tailenders await. ***And now, it's Tulpas time. "Bartender!!!"

  • July 9, 2003, 11:46 p.m. CST

    Good but not good enough

    by elanor

    Sorry, Grim, but I'm actually a skeptical New York bitch posing as a sweet hobbit lass. One apology on one tb is not quite equal to the bile and shit you've been tossing around for a few weeks. And let's not forget the e-mails. Those were not exactly invitations to conversation. I'm not asking you to say sorry again, but your future posts will tell the tale. This is the second time you have "backed off" since you started bitching about T2T on these tb's. It's fine with all of us that you don't like T2T; it's perfectly OK that you think it's shit. You are entitled to your opinion as has been said. But pretty is as pretty does and time wounds all heels.*** Moaters, I hope I havn't ruined your image of me for all time. 8~)

  • July 10, 2003, 2:27 a.m. CST


    by MisterGrimloch

    what a shocking coincidence, i am also from New York. and, the problem seems to be that everyone who gets offended, annoyed, whatever, by my posts simply takes it way too personally. i ask you, in all seriousness, what the hell difference does it REALLY make if i spit venom, or sing lullabies? its not like i REALLY know any of you, nor do any of you know me. honestly, i think i just perceive this whole online communication thing in a different light. it simply doesn't connect with me the way it does with many others. i do not mean that in an insulting way, either. perhaps i should give it a try YOUR way. maybe an actual communication could occur. if so, i'd be surprised, pleasantly. once again, to the matter of ROTK, i assure you, and everyone else, i WANT to wind up loving this film, but my tolerance for genre pictures in general "grows thin". (a brief two word quote from the perfectly great film FOTR.) in future, should i decide to "go nuts" and rant and rave, perhaps you should take it with a grain of salt and say to yourself "yeah, there goes Grim again on one of his tirades. sure hope he doesn't rip his own head off." for some reason, i think that would allow you a brief moment of respite from my harmless rage.

  • July 10, 2003, 8:18 a.m. CST

    Answers for the unanswerable one...

    by Pontsing Barset

    1. Pontsing Barset is "Riddley Speak" - an invented dialect of English in the Novel "Riddley Walker" by Russell Hoban, for

  • July 10, 2003, 9:28 a.m. CST


    by Skyway Moaters

    ... "So that's the king of Rohan, splendid old fellow, very polite" ... "What's come of his wekit?! I don't hold with wearing iron mongery whether it wears well or no"... Quote: "It was purely a Bywater joke to refer to to it [New Row] as Sharky's end"... "Well, I'm back." *** Mo' later...

  • July 10, 2003, 10:16 a.m. CST

    Look! ... Up in the Sky! ... It's a bird ... it's a plane ... it

    by Miami Mofo

    Legolas? ... Legolas is the man of steel did you say? By jove, I did not know that Elves can fly (without the aid of an eagle, of course). ***If Elves can fly, why can't I? Maybe I should switch from Old Toby to Southern Star. [Longbottom Leaf is out of season.] ***Moaters, you did mean weskit, yes? Oh and that King of Rohan line is my third favorite -- right behind 'Hammer and Tongs' and 'ruined my taters.' Excellent choice, my friend.

  • July 10, 2003, 10:29 a.m. CST


    by MisterGrimloch

    you're annoyed at my pugilistic posts? you'll just have to accept it. the spite and venom will likely continue, as long as this trilogy continues to be horribly done. (do you REALLY think i hate this trilogy as much as i rant? think about it. i AM going to own BOTH versions of TTT. now, either i'm completely out of my mind, or i am not so utterly disgusted by it all. perhaps both.) further, i am unconcerned about any Internet security problems you may be able to take advantage of.) now, we can either discuss this and other films with some humor and venom, or we can ignore each other's nonsense.

  • July 10, 2003, 10:36 a.m. CST

    oh yeah.........

    by MisterGrimloch

    Pontsing....where do you figure i have a complete lack of respect for my fellow man? because i post "angry" comments about a movie series and other talkbackers? perhaps you should re-read MY posts, and be aware that i perceive internet talkbacks as nothing personal AT ALL. what i can't figure out is why my comments should give you ANY reason for concern. if you don't care what i think, as you have clearly stated (and i think under no circumstances should you "care") then why would you be "appalled"? i think in all seriousness that it may be YOU who have the anger issue. you could post any outburst of rage on any talkback, and i would not be "offended". how could i? i'm genuinely posing this idea to you because i AGREE with your notion of having no concern with my thoughts, or any other person who sits and types ideas and sends them off into the vastness of cyberspace. good God, who really cares?

  • July 10, 2003, 10:43 a.m. CST

    the meaning of Pontsing....

    by MisterGrimloch

    sorry, i'm too lazy to look it up. could you just tell me? since i'm here, i might as well ask if anyone here honestly believes the talk that ROTK will be the "best" of all 3 films. of course that is what we have been hearing from the cast and crew for the past 2 years, but what do you expect? that anyone would say "oh, ROTK isnt really as good as the others, but its still good." this is still a business, despite what i believe is a smokescreen for what ultimately amounts to a lack of creativity on Jackson's part. ignore what we all know about the actual novel. i'm referring specifically to what Jackson is doing.

  • July 10, 2003, 11:31 a.m. CST

    Fav Chapter

    by Shards of Narsil

    Ok, Miami, after re-reading both 'Farewell to Lorien' and 'Flotsam and Jetsam', my vote goes to...... 'F & J'! I choose laughing over crying, even if the tears are spilt over the loss of something heartbreakingly beautiful. Favorite lines to follow.***DoT, the book is in the mail.

  • July 10, 2003, 12:52 p.m. CST

    The write-in vote has been counted, and ... IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!!!

    by Miami Mofo

    It's 'Flotsam And Jetsam' holding off a late surge by 'Of Herbs And Stewed Rabbit' to win by a shard! To show, 'The Choice Of Master Samwise' finishes third. Whew (wipes sweat off of brow), that was close! [Pssst, Shards (come closer so noone else can hear me), re the postscript in my e-mail, how much do I owe you?] ***DoT: I certainly hope that you'll be more forthcoming with your ComicCon report(s) than Quint's been with his N.Z. trip. Let's see, tomorrow will be one week since this report was posted, so maybe we'll have the next one then.

  • July 10, 2003, 12:56 p.m. CST

    I'm going to try one more time and then I give up...

    by Pontsing Barset

    Grimloch: We don't care if you rage, just leave the personal insults out. Don't call people chimps, morons etc. Don't tell them that "I whizz on you every time I post". Are you purposely being obtuse? This should not be that difficult a concept to get your mind around if you were raised around other human beings. You obviously read my last post but I guess you missed the part about MANNERS.

  • July 10, 2003, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Pontsing or "Poncing" (parper/proper english)

    by Pontsing Barset

    1. ponce about/around (UNHELPFUL) phrasal verb INFORMAL DISAPPROVING to waste time doing silly things that do not achieve anything or help anyone: There's no time for poncing around - we've got to get these boxes packed by this evening. 2. ponce about/around (LIKE A WOMAN) phrasal verb UK INFORMAL DISAPPROVING If a man ponces about/around, he behaves or dresses more like a woman than like a man: He was poncing around in a pair of fluffy slippers/yellow silk dressing gown.

  • July 10, 2003, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Pontsing or "Poncing" (parper/proper english)

    by Pontsing Barset

    1. ponce about/around (UNHELPFUL) phrasal verb INFORMAL DISAPPROVING to waste time doing silly things that do not achieve anything or help anyone: There's no time for poncing around - we've got to get these boxes packed by this evening. 2. ponce about/around (LIKE A WOMAN) phrasal verb UK INFORMAL DISAPPROVING If a man ponces about/around, he behaves or dresses more like a woman than like a man: He was poncing around in a pair of fluffy slippers/yellow silk dressing gown.

  • July 10, 2003, 1:38 p.m. CST

    Pontsing or "Poncing" (parper/proper english)

    by Pontsing Barset

    1. ponce about/around (UNHELPFUL) phrasal verb INFORMAL DISAPPROVING to waste time doing silly things that do not achieve anything or help anyone: There's no time for poncing around - we've got to get these boxes packed by this evening. 2. ponce about/around (LIKE A WOMAN) phrasal verb UK INFORMAL DISAPPROVING If a man ponces about/around, he behaves or dresses more like a woman than like a man: He was poncing around in a pair of fluffy slippers/yellow silk dressing gown.

  • July 10, 2003, 1:43 p.m. CST

    DOH! Sorry for the triple post folks! It twernt intentional...

    by Pontsing Barset


  • July 10, 2003, 3:16 p.m. CST

    The new take on the ol' "banana-banana/orange" knock-knock joke

    by Pallando Blue

    Grimloch, don't go believing your own press, that's SOOO bourgeouis (heh). Your comments have never been as "horrifying" (or--gasp--"torturing") to anyone here as you seem to want to believe. You want to talk straight all of a sudden, okay, I'll talk straight, too. (Hold on a second, let me get on my high horse... not as limber as I used to be... hup!) *** Obviously you DO care, or you wouldn't keep returning to the same subject week in and week out, reacting to US with further insults (why are YOU so "tortured," eh?), or still be here typing today. You obviously have been having SOME need fulfilled, whatever that need might be, and despite your water-off-a-duck stance. P'raps you don't even realize it. But step back and examine your own past role here objectively (if possible), not just ours. The question's been asked of you repeatedly around here: What do you get out of this, why are you here? "Expressing dislike of T2T" isn't the answer, T2T's not even the topic at that point. Do you have an answer? *** Sounds like you're recent to the 'Net, so pardon a quick vocab lesson from someone who's really not much more a web vet than yourself: "Trolling," as it pertains to message boards etc. online, is derived from the fishing term for dropping a lure or bait into the water and dragging it along behind the boat, hoping for a bite. It's a common metaphor, used in the past for everything from advertising to picking up chicks in a bar. The online "troller" equivalent is a person who jumps onto a board, and posts purely to get as much of a reaction as possible from the locals, usually through insults and general "flaming." As this type of person is pretty much an asshole for the sake of being an asshole, over time the noun form "troller" morphed into "troll," seeing as the ugly physical and attitudinal connotations of that coincidental abbreviation generally matches, metaphorically again (twice-removed?), the projected personality of the asshole troller-qua-cyberfisherman. Make sense? Goes back long before AICN was even a twinkle in Knowles' eye, and is Internet-universal along the lines of "LOL." [doffs mortarboard] *** Another sign of being new to the internet: Using the fact of the immediate real-world consequenceless Internet to justify any and all behavior on the Internet. Believe me, I was there too, years ago. Back at my first job with an Internet connection, mind-blowing to a former English major, I thought it was a hoot to wade in and throw shit like a caged monkey, just to see "the nerds" scramble and scream at me. ["Confessions of a Troll" coming soon to a comic seller or newsstand near you] The Internet's a place for the Id to play, no doubt. Thing is, the raging Id is as infantile as... an Id-raging infant. (Sorry.) Eventually you may, hopefully, grow out of it as you get used to it, if you continue to hang around as much as you have. Many don't, however, and in a dump like AICN where junior-high immaturity's actually celebrated (how many people here swear as if they've never been allowed to use swear words before?) it's often mutually self-perpetuating. ...Thing is, here's the REAL kicker, and the point *you* (and many) have been missing from Day One: It's that very consequenceless... ness... that, ironically, demands of oneself a better display of character. What better measure of myself than my behavior in a consequenceless environment? I care FAR LESS how I am perceived by others than how I perceive myself. Call the latter narcissism, maybe, as opposed to the former's vanity (to wax semantical), but I just don't like to think of myself as an asshole. Once that solution's arrived at, tra la la eyelash-fluttering online harmony, comraderie and goodwill just kind of follows--even during heated, even angry arguments. [still have my old bumper sticker: "Ask Me About My Corncob"] *** So, 3 cups of coffee later, this all STILL begs the question: "Who the fuck gives a shit? Seriously?" Why do we seem to care so much when you or others start up with the rants and raves? Because we're FANS. Fans, especially us rabid types, really really like their Thing. So much so they're postively evangelical on the topic. (And, no, the use of a religious metaphor doesn't escape me.) When somebody expresses they don't like the Thing, the Fan WANTS them to like it, wants to spread the Good Word, hosannah hot dog huzzah. (You ever tried to "convert" someone to your music scene?) Few things a Fan likes more than reaching out to the unconvinced, really digging into that Conversation. One good friend of mine, very much not an idiot, loves movies as much as I do and generally shares my tastes, but just cannot fathom anyone's enjoyment of EITHER LOTR movie. We jaw at each other til our jaws are sore. ...However, walk into a place full of Fans and declare their Thing, and THEM, all sorts of vileness without even trying to engage in the Conversation, and the Fan WILL, almost reflexively, respond with variations on "Fuck you, too," usually followed by an offer to join the Conversation. Offer rejected? "Fuck off and good riddance. Fans talking here, quiet please." ...What's happened with LOTR fans specifically is, well, we fell pretty damn reinforced in our fandom by the films' crazy mainstream popularity and, completely unthinkable just 2 years ago, massive critical approval and industry-embracing (Oscar noms!?). So, yeah, there's arrogance in numbers, p'raps unfortunately. That's the other part, tho--while we DO respect the minority opinion that resists all our Outreach efforts, you ARE the vast minority, so when the vast majority all starts talking back at you at once (politely or not-so-much), it probably does feel like a concerted ganging-up by a faceless mob. But that's less a result of some hive mentality than the simple fact of the great number of individuals that feel differently than you. But you can't paint all fans with the same brush, even if we're all posting on the same canvas. *** Fucking meth-induced typing jags. Maybe by the time I'm done Quint'll have another set report up... *** Anyway, to come full circle, my subject line. If anyone's not familiar with that particular knock-knock joke I'd be happy to have my 5-year-old niece call you up, she has a great delivery, and real comic timing. The joke can last anywhere from 60 seconds to half an hour depending your patience and whether or not her parents know she's on the phone. Or, someone else here can explain it. If you ARE familiar with the joke, Charmand, my point is you've twice now told it, merely replacing "banana" with "Fuck you" and "banana-banana" with "Fuck you, assholes!" The eventual takes-a-long-time-to-get-there punchline being, of course, "Orange you glad I didn't say 'Fuck you'?" ...Well, I dunno. Once bitten and all that. I'm willing to give every former asshole the benefit of the doubt, and you're at least displaying some interest talking *about* the movies instead of just flamethrowering away at them, and their fans, for attention's sake. I can't today, blown too much work time already, but later on I'd LOVE to go into all the soberly-posed questions--about the movies--that you're asking. I love it, love it, love it, that Conversation. You're welcome to dissent all you want, as has been said often--need two sides for any argument worth diggng into. Stick around and keep to your present civility, you'd be welcome, as far as I'm concerned. BUT. Let's say, Quint's next article (whenever the hell THAT shows up). When you have a fresh audience. You want to go and regress back into the dull-witted reaction-trolling diatribes that read like two 12-year-olds trying to impress each other with a Mad-Lib. Okay. Then I'll go back to making offhand smart-ass remarks about your music, make-up, and costume (then again--are you "the" Charmand Grimloch, or just a fan? honestly, can't remember), and pretty much not acknowledge you at all otherwise. Not like that's some sort of disincentive for you or anything (as in, a threeeeeat, oo!), just pointing out that apathy's a two-way street, you're rich for material, and I like cracking myself up (that narcissism again). I honestly, though, would much rather just gab about cool flicks. *** So, maybe tomorrow, if things here have stayed on this momentarily even keel, I'll happily explain all about how ROTK will kick all asses and how in every way LOTR-related you're wrong and I'm right. ;-)

  • July 10, 2003, 4:10 p.m. CST

    Erm, yeah Miami: WESKIT...

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... *Connexions bloak dons black Holocaust cloak and lot's of black eye makeup for his very best Grimloch impersonation*: How can a clueless poop head like you be such a flaming pedant grammar cop! ARRRRGHH! i can spell weskit any damn way i please! You're just jealous of my remarkable command of english! I tinkle on you every post i make and you keep coming back for more! Why are you so enraged about, and threatened by, my negative opinion about Hackson's crappy ass adaptations?! *** I got to stop now, this shit is SO not funny...

  • July 10, 2003, 4:31 p.m. CST


    by daughter of time

    Pallando, you make an excellent point, that I hope Grimloch took to heart, that when our actions are without immediate repercussions (consequence-less) then we should be all the more concerned with them. Who are we when no one is at home? And if our consequence-less instinct is to hurl abuse into the void, what does that say about the self? This is a "talkback," which assumes that some kind of discussion is taking place, some kind of give-and-take, NOT just hurling one's frustrations of the moment at the world, and discussion requires civility. I make my point; you make yours. I have changed my opinion about some things, based on points made on this site. Sometimes, I have taken another look at my position and said, no, I stand by what I said earlier. And sometimes I've gotten rather fed-up at the intolerance of other points of view, even among Tail-Enders, usually taking the form of a patronizing "I understand this issue SO much more than you do" (I understand films; I understand cinematic necessity; etc.). At any rate, Grimloch, I hope your recent personna is the genuine one, and that you realize that when you do become incivil (and others become uncivil back) simply because no authority figure is around to stop it, the person hurling abuse is not demonstrating "freedom" but lack of integrity. The real you is the one you are when no one's watching. ***And Shards, thanks for getting the book in the mail. I can promise a speedy re-cycling, as I doubt it's one I'll linger over to take lessons from its prose-style!

  • July 10, 2003, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Trubba not, Alice my sweet

    by morGoth

    In my vexation at your giving the stinky e_k ANY sort of credit for anything (vile or no), I

  • July 10, 2003, 4:41 p.m. CST

    As for apologies, MisterGrimloch...

    by morGoth

    ...I completely reject yours. You no longer esixt in my eyes.

  • July 10, 2003, 4:44 p.m. CST

    "exist, " I meant.

    by morGoth


  • July 10, 2003, 5:14 p.m. CST

    "esixt"ing sounds kind of fun, and a bit rude...

    by AliceInWonderlnd

    Nah, it's hokay, morGy. We're cool. It's all good. I'm well aware of your opinion of one of our longest-serving trolls. We disagreed about Neil Cumpston and his Reloaded review. And I can see where you're coming from. As for drinking champagne out of Conan's codpiece - what I want to know is, is it *good* champagne? Anyway, what is this vote? And did I vote, and which did I vote for? I can't remember! Tell me and I'll tell you whether I need to change it or not. Though I am appalled that "The Choices of Master Samwise" has fallen to third. Sam ROCKS! Though "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit" is also fabulous - actually, even though I occasionally find the heroic antics of the first half of TTT a bit overbearing, it's still my fave for the Sam\Frodo\Gollum interaction. Aww. Poor Smeagol. But anyway, I was thinking of something, after this article I read in Empire about sequelitis and the need to generate franchises to keep executives in cocaine and Ferraris. What if, in a hypothetical world, they commissioned someone to write a sequel to LOTR? What do you think would happen in it? Exactly how much do you think it would suck sweaty goat testicles? A little? A lot? Would it suck more sweaty goat testicles than there are actual goats with testicles in the world? What do you think?

  • July 10, 2003, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Hold the line

    by Seepgood

    Well, I would like Aragorn's "Never shall the flowers of simbelmyne come here until world's end..." speech over the body of poor foolish Baldor in the Paths of the Dead. Brrr. Not very likely, though. Can I get a shout out for "the rag-tag would like to stop dangling and lie down"? Most importantly though, "In western lands..." had better be in or there'll be trouble. The more so since we're now highly unlikely to get that wonderful little scene at the Crossroads of the Fallen King and "They cannot conquer forever!", and since that strand of the faint but clear light of hope amidst the horror that runs through the book was treated to such a messy botching at the end of TTT.

  • July 10, 2003, 5:22 p.m. CST

    The soich for more money

    by Seepgood

    Actually, I believe there exists an authoritative assesssment on the potential for a sequel, from the pen of the Prof himself. He scribbled a few paragraphs of a prospective follow-up before concluding that it was (as he chose to express it) "not worth doing". But I'm sure he *meant* "sweaty goat's testicles".

  • July 10, 2003, 5:34 p.m. CST

    i am not Elf Killer.

    by MisterGrimloch

    but i am bored.

  • July 10, 2003, 7:03 p.m. CST

    But there is hope for the Crossroads

    by daughter of time

    Seepgood, there was a spoiler a few months back, of Frodo and Sam at the Crossroads, and it looked just lovely, so live in hope. I'm a bit concerned myself about Frodo getting spidey-web on him while still in sunlit Ithilien. What, is it just all over? Does She get hungry and roam the woods at night? ***Myself, I really hate to pick a favorite chapter any time between "Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit" and "Mount Doom." Not a line out of place....

  • July 10, 2003, 9:05 p.m. CST


    by morGoth

  • July 10, 2003, 9:38 p.m. CST

    That's why this lady is a tramp

    by elanor

    I'm with you, MorG, on esixtence. Although I truly appreciate the time and effort you two jokester/knights, Moaters and Pallando gave to the cause. I meant to make a speech of my own but you two said it best and I agree wholeheartedly with every single one of your well chosen words.***Hello again, seepgood! Great choices on the lines you want in.***Alice, god-a-midey, of COURSE someone will do a goat-ball-sucking sequel in the future. Oh, how I shudder at the thought. But of course it's inevitable from today's Hollywood. I think I can safely withdraw my support from them right now. LOL***For those of you who think ROTK will will the Oscar, check out the AICN-Euro tb on the front page. Skip down about 2/3 of the way and read what several critics are predicting. I am still skeptical about ROTK's chances in the same Academy that allowed Titanic to sweep and Beautiful Mind to beat Fellowship. I will be thrilled of course, if it happens. As I have posted before, there will be some very serious contenders coming out in November and December that no one is talking about yet. And I forgot one completely - The Alamo. Not sure if it is really planned for a pre-Christmas release, but if it is, that certainly is the "type" of movie (especially with our American boys still over in gun-slinger's paradise aka Iraq). If I were an Oscar-contender-movie producer, I would postpone my release until next year!*** Thanks for the tally, Miami. What shall we vote on next?

  • July 10, 2003, 9:50 p.m. CST

    Ooops, forgot

    by elanor

    DoT, I hope you're getting psyched about ComicCon? It seems a goodly number of the cast will be there; Andy Serkis, Sean Astin and Dom Monahan so far I think, plus there has been talk of a "surprise guest". I am hoping for your sake that it will be Elijah and that you will get a chance to pass him a note or tell him how much you love his work as Frodo. And as for Harry's prose, I hope you will steel yourself and remember the source before you read it. But I think you'll enjoy it, nonetheless.

  • July 10, 2003, 9:52 p.m. CST


    by BG

    ...sweaty goat's testicles.

  • July 11, 2003, 4:52 a.m. CST

    Lord of the Rings 2: The Formula of Doom! (spoilers ahoy, me hea

    by AliceInWonderlnd

    morGoth, yeah, I read about the proposed sequel in the letters. Unfortunately I don't think that the execs would see that cutting the mustard. "There's no Hobbits or Elves in it. The first movies had Hobbits and Elves in them and they made money. Get some Hobbits and Elves in that fucking thing." "And monsters." "Oh yeah, monsters. And is there anyway we can get Gollum in there? The kids seemed to like Gollum." "Um, no, 'cos in the last one..." "Screw that. Resurrect him somehow... wait, maybe he had a son or a brother or something..." "Fantastic! You're a genius! Now, about the Satanistic conspiracy..." "Wayne, I think a Satanistic conspiracy is so Harry Potter. What about a quest to destroy some enchanted jewellery? Worked last time." "Yeah, yeah, there must be tons of enchanted jewellery just lying around Middle-Earth. We'll have it be a necklace or haunted cufflinks or something." "But this raises the issue of whether the new one will just be a subpar retread of the old one." "So?" "Well, it might be nice to have it a little different. So why don't we have it be a quest to destroy some enchanted jewellery, with Hobbits and Elves... only this time the central character can be... a girl!" "Wow, that's brilliant! She can be like the daughter of Frodo!" "Yeah, yeah..." "Except that Frodo doesn't stay in the Shire, he sails off into the West..." "Yeah, but maybe he marries some Elf-chick when he gets there. That might help with the whole females with hairy feet thing that might be a problem on the promotional side of things." "Yeah! That's great! Let's celebrate by going to the men's room and treating ourselves to a line or two! We rock!" "We sure do!"

  • July 11, 2003, 8:57 a.m. CST

    See this is why I come here,

    by Conan_the_Humble

    I find the eloquence and writing abilities some here to be fantastic. I would gladly head doen to the local Angus & Robertson's (a local bookstore chain) to pick up a novel by any of the aspiring writers that frequent here. The way in which trolls can be so elegantly disposed of without resorting to mere name calling (of which I am occasionally guilty of...) is staggering (and I DID try and warn you Grimloch...) Anyhoo MorGy, I've got no idea what happened to that codpiece, that 'Gothmog's Glory' affects the memory so badly sometimes... Oh and do you think your sootiness could spring from some 'Dom' next time? That 'Asti Riccadonna' rubbish is just absolute bile... We still wants our spoliers precious, and we wants a trailer or at least a teaser as well. Perhaps Comic-con might have something? Cheers.

  • July 11, 2003, 9:42 a.m. CST


    by Miami Mofo

    I am so envious the of Blue Wizard's typing abilities, I CAN'T STAND IT!!! It would take me six weeks to type all that. And I sure can relate to the turning others onto your favorite music statement -- I kinda recall being turned down by every T.E.'er I invited to see Bruce last year. Fools! Moronic Fools! ***Alice, last summer you very decisively voted for 'The Choices of Master Samwise,' so that's where your vote stayed -- only Ingold and Xyzan, because they voted for a FotR chapter rather than a LotR chapter last year, were allowed to change. Plus Moaters and DoT split their votes by adding chapters the way elanor did last year. The results (until the next election) are OFFICIAL. But keep in mind, there are no losers here! Everyone picked chapters that are beautifully and brilliantly written. [Aside to JD, BG and Shards: I just said that to make the 'non-winners' feel better. ;~)] Also, keep in mind that there will be lovely parting gifts for all who voted.

  • July 11, 2003, 10:26 a.m. CST


    by morGoth

    ... ** Ya'll know of my love for the Silmarillion. Yet, I acknowledge how difficult it can be to "get into." So, I highly recommend this. Give this review an objective read and, if you have the bucks, get this if for naught else to have the pleasure of all those names and places come into your ears through the rapturous and melodious sound of Martin Shaw's voice. The pronunciations and timbre of his voice is simply perfect. Aiya! ** Conan, just go and see JD and tell her to order whichever brand of pop-skull your Hyperborean heart desires. Make sure you tell her to deduct it from Alice's joy-juice fund...heh-heh.

  • July 11, 2003, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Oh man Alice I'm STILL chuckling...

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... VERY funny stuff but unfortunately, sadly, probably closer to reality than we would like to imagine! *** Mo' fav lines: "I'll get there, if I leave everything but my bones behind... And I'll carry Mr. Frodo up myself, if it breaks my back and heart. So stop arguing!"

  • July 11, 2003, 11:05 a.m. CST

    QUINT IS A SADIST!!!!!!!!!

    by Miami Mofo

    Seriously! He baits and sets the hook, reels us in, and then leaves us flapping in the breeze. Can't you lose your fishing license for that, morGy? Btw, re your Sil comment, are you talkin' to me? I said, Are You Talkin' To Me?? ARE YOU TALKIN' TO ME??? 'Cause there's 'noone' else here. ;~) [Now I know where Harry picked up the 'noone'.] ***Oh yes, you can all rest easy -- the lovely parting 'mathom' will not, repeat NOT, be SGT's (sweaty goat testicles), despite BG's apparent fondess for them.

  • July 11, 2003, 1:23 p.m. CST

    Knock knock "Who's there?" Dwayne "Dwayne who?"

    by Pallando Blue

    Dwayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning! *** That's the other knock-knock joke that cracks my niece up every time. Thank god, cause it's the only other one I remember. I let her tell the banana-banana one. *** Quint, you bastard! It's been a WEEK! This is it, folx, this is the livin' end. After I hit Send down here I'm clicking his link up there and sending that shark-buggerer a quick "Well? HMMM?" arched-eyebrows crossed-arms foot-tapping type e-mail of expressed impatience. *** [oh enough already with the compliments, folx, tho thanx indeed. (are you mad!? >smacks self< more! more! tell me more!) I only win the prize for dullest day job, is all, and Thursday's're worst in a dull ish's cycle :) Friday, looks like, is a close second...] *** All righty, on with my perhaps-futile lone Ambassadorship to the Metalhead. One thing you've brought up before, is that these films will be forgotten and ignored and irrelevant in a few years' time, after the hype machine has died down. That they in no way have or will affect the movie industry or the movie-going public in the way SW did in the late 70s. Well, I don't think anybody's claimed they'll be that kind of watershed moment, like that era's defining of the Summer Movie as a viable market (though really SW accomplished this as a one-two punch with JAWS). As for resonating with the public, and becoming a mainstream point of pop-culture reference, only time and popularity will tell--though there's certainly a lot of steam behind that already, even a hater has to admit. But that the movies are a significant and influential moment in cinema history IS fact. And I'm merely talking the behind-the-scenes stories here, not even addressing the films themselves yet. These movies will go down in history as the single greatest risk-reward proposition ever to get greenlit in Hollywood. People seem to have already forgotten that just two-three years ago New Line was the dregs, the last ditch effort for PJ et al., and about to be swallowed by its own corporate parents. A two-movie conception, of which there was already a DRAFT, was scrapped to make a THREE-movie LOTR. THREE big-budget movies were greenlit and financed to be filmed CONCURRENTLY. A solution arrived at for the sake of 3 parts economy to 17 parts art, though the risk lay 100% on the money end. People forget the enormous, astounding cajones it took to even conceive of this avenue of attack. And, it IS already having an impact. I've never read any quotes to the matter, and have no real idea of the dates of these decisions, but I have NO doubt that the Matrix sequels were given the okay to film concurrently as a DIRECT result of LOTR. How much this happens in the future, too early to tell. I do foresee the Matrix model happening more and more--the guaranteed-B.O. sequels being made together to save $$ and minimize risk. But doing an entire series--a 9- to 12-hour movie divided in 3 parts paid for and made with no guarantee of the financial success necessary to justify the gamble much less cover costs... That, I would bet a tidy sum, will never happen again, or if it does never to the scope, scale, or success of LOTR. MOVIE HISTORY, baby. A brand new model has been invented. A new definition of "film epic" has been... defined. (Sorry.) [On the technical side of things, "Massive" alone is SFX-industry-shaking, and once ROTK (and maybe not until its SEV) is out, and the system shared with other houses for the first time (I believe), expect it to be THE crowd simulator for ever and on. "Big whoop" perhaps, but very real. Right now it's a sole propietary ownership by its developer and PJ (I think) who I'd wager stand to make more from that invention alone than Weta's future projects. If I could buy public stock in Massive's parents, I would in a heartbeat, like, yesterday.] ** A quick aside, one point often brought up by naysayers even before T2T hit as to these movies' success on their own merits, or the risk involved in producing them, is that they came in with a built-in audience, like the SW prequels. One: yes, to a degree, but not to the degree some now try to claim. 'Cause Two: If it was THAT big of a ready-made audience, why have the book's sales skyrocketed ridiculously in just the past 2 years? Everyone buying new copies? 2 or 3 or 4 times? The truth is, the movies have brought a bigger audience to the book (YES! LOTR-lovers/PJ-haters have to at least love THAT!) then the books brought to the movies. That's not a comparison of quality--Tolkien will around for centuries like Milton and Chaucer. Just sayin'. *** As for the movies themselves, before-the-scenes and on the screen, their influence on cinema. Remains to be seen and only time will tell. All you and I can do is speculate, and apparently we disagree. Granted, don't know of any Fantasy-genre Roger Corman cash-ins the equivalent of "Battle Beyond the Stars" (James Cameron on SFX!)... YET... but who knows what's on the horizon. (A hoot would be a TV knockoff Battlestar Galactica-wise!) In my opinion, however, I already see its influence on Epic-sized projects going ahead like TROY--more so than influenced by Gladiator, looking at the timing. And stylistically I already see its influence all over that gorgeous trailer for "Peter Pan". I honestly don't believe that Pan would have been made (or rather, greenlit and paid for--don't want to knock the filmmakers) with such sober artistry and fantasy-through-verisimilitude, and not all Disney-kitsched and cheap-studio-lit (read: "Hook"), were it not for the success of LOTR. New Line has bought the rights to Pullman's "His Dark Materials" (?) trilogy, perhaps to be made concurrently LOTR-style. Never read them myself but they've heaps of critical and popular success. Lewis' Narnia books are being remade live-action (at least the first one's a go). Maybe it's a resurgence in fantasy literature adaptations (as opposed to horrible original "fantasy" screenplays) that will be the result of LOTR, in tandem with Harry Potter's success. Don't know. But what you need to do is look in the right places for these films' influence. They don't dwell with the Summer Genre flicks, which are basically (delightfully!) just B movies as the new A movies (thesis on that to come). I've said before in these boards that, yeah, I'm a big honkin' Tolkien geek, but I was and am a movie geek first (and a SW geek before that!). And so far--in my opinion though I suspect many others'--PJ has been hitting on all four cylinders of Flick, Movie, Film, and Cinema. That ALWAYS sends ripples out. *** Now I gotta get some bloody work done (Soulless whip-cracking Philistines!) then I'll try to return laying balms and soothing oils regards to Return of the King.

  • July 11, 2003, 6:19 p.m. CST

    Knock Knock...

    by Skyway Moaters

    ... Who's there? Interupting cow. Interrupting cow wh... MOOO!

  • July 11, 2003, 6:21 p.m. CST

    CRAP! THe freakin' thing's HOSED!

    by Skyway Moaters

  • Geez Alice my sweet, you just blew my sides totally out with that last post! Haunted cufflinks

  • Keep it up, me boyo, I'm lovin' every metiuclous word.***here's the "evidence". I was reading my Natural History mag on the subway home last night and came across this unexpected morsel in a short article called "Bones of Contention" about a controversy (who knew?) over how utilitarian the thumbs of Neaderthals were. Lots of well preserved hand & finger bones exist, but some say Neanderthals could not grip tools securely and that it may have been one of the reasons for their eventual extinction. Well...A scientist at CSU San Bernardino in a paper called "Manual Dexterity in Neanderthals"..."made a computerized model of a crucial part of the hand by doing laser scans of the epoxy casts of the thumb and index-finger bones of the adult male found at Le Ferrassie. Then they conservatively estimated the bending and straightening capabilities of each joint. The digital data, along with the estimates, were then fed into the same animation program that created special effects for "The Lord of the Rings" and "Spiderman". The crucial test of the manual dexterity was, Could the tip of the index finger be made to touch the tip of the thumb? Pressing "enter", the modelers watched the two Neanderthal digits on their computer screen slowly but surely form a fine A-OK sign." So there!

  • July 14, 2003, 10 a.m. CST

    Seeing as how I have the place to myself ...on with the Musical!

    by Pallando Blue

    Or, rather, as it's coming together, Rock Opera And Revue. "LOTR: The ROAR!" Today we reach Eowyn's Theme, which is returned to over the course of the production as her scenes arise. Shall there be graceful lutes and pastoral recorders to portray our fair White Lady of Rohan...? HELL NAW! This chick is HARD this chick is STRONG this chick is Dark and Dangerous and Miserable. It came to me almost by accident, but damn if it didn't feel just right. This chick done got the BLUES, and to a stompin' Bo Diddley Beat (she wails a mean Fender, too! Hit the bricks George Thorogood, ya poncer) *** EOWYN'S THEME: I rode 47 miles of Rohan, * I use a Watcher tentacle for a necktie, * I got a brand new stable on the roadside * Made from mountain troll hide. * I got a brand new chimney made on top, * Made outta Uruk skulls. * Now come on take a walk with me Aragorn * And tell me who do ya love? ** [chorus] Who do ya love? * Who do ya love? * Who do ya love? * Who do ya love? ** Tombstone hands and a graveyard mind, * Just twenty-two and I don't mind dyin' ** [chorus] Who do ya love? [4x] ** I rode to Dunharrow but no Paths of the Dead * Take it easy, Aragorn, don't you give me no lip ** [chorus] Who do ya love? [4x] ** Night was dark when the sky was blue * Down on Pelennor I swung and flew * Hit a bump and some dwimmerlaik screamed * You shoulda heard just what I seen ** [chorus] Who do ya love? [4x] ** Faramir took me by my hand, * Said, "Ooo-wee, girl, you know I understand. * Now, who do ya love? * Who do ya love? * Who do ya love? * Who do ya love..?" **** ...Faramir rocking in on the epilogue reprise is a bit of a payoff of sorts, as previously he'd been saddled with a slow Southern-California desert-kitsch country-pop sound: "Gooondor Ranger... * why don't you come to your senses * You've been staging offenses * for so long now. ** Oh they are hobbits, * I know that you'll commit treason. * These deeds that are pleasin' you will hurt Dad somehow...." ...You know, real whitebread karaoke material. Speaking of singalongs, on a lark The Beach Boys and Jan & Dean got together and jammed out a fun one for Barliman's theme: "[bass] Bah Bah Ba-a-ah, Bah Bar-li-man, [tenors join] Bah Bah Ba-a-ah, Bah Bar-li-[falsetto] Bar-li-ma-a-a-an! Ta-a-a-ake my ha-a-and..." *** [crickets chirp, in the distance a lone coyote (ki-yoat) howls. PB slaps the mike with his palm rpeatedly] Is this thing even on!? [a squawk of feedback answers that question] Where the hell IS everybody? Helllooooooo....?

  • July 14, 2003, 10:44 a.m. CST


    by Pallando Blue

    But I lay the credit for the scoop with Miami, as I completely stole your "hooked, landed, left us flopping and gasping for ROTK reports" bit, even down calling him a sadistic bastard. :) Anyway, it ain't good news. This could be home for a while, at least until he gets up his "explanation" article. (Unless a deal is hammered out in the meantime...?) Eh, enough out of me, I'll just go ahead and paste his reply (a version of this skinny'll be on the front page soon enough, so I'm not betraying any confidences... I think... though wouldn't that be ironic...) Q: *** "Unfortunately you're quite right. New Line has asked me to stop writing because other prominent newspapers and magazines have called up and are threatening to break their embargoes if I don't stop the reports... Which means all the stuff that was supposed to run in November and December would be dumped now. * "I was never under an embargo nor have I signed anything... I also don't have any real loyalty to New Line, but I do have a loyalty to these films and if I continue to write then all the publicity they have set up for the end of the year will be dumped now. * "Ultimately that'll only hurt these films and I don't want that to happen. I'm working on a piece right now that'll explain the whole situation. I'm also spending lots of time talking to New Line... they're not very happy right now, but I'm trying to get them to clear one set report a month until about October, when I then will release all of my set coverage... They're not very open to that, but I'm going to bug them until they either stop talking to me or are able to work something out with the other journalists. * "I apologize for the cock-tease. I had an all clear to write on my end. It's these journalists that have ruined it for all you guys. I'm keeping up the good fight, though! I'll try my damndest to work something out. * "Thanks for reading." * -Quint

  • July 14, 2003, 12:28 p.m. CST

    How sad ... should we move?

    by Miami Mofo

    That sure is a bit 'o sad news there, Pallando me boy. [I'm talkin' 'bout Quint's e-mail, not your very funny song.] ***The TB at #15610 (Euro AICN -- LotR:FotR Oscar speculation) is VERY short. Think we should mosey on over there? Think I'll go over and post just to start us off.

  • July 14, 2003, 1:44 p.m. CST

    Shiver me timbers! It

    by morGoth

    Arr and ahoy there matey! OK, OK

  • July 14, 2003, 8:38 p.m. CST

    Can't wait to hear it Ingold!

    by morGoth

    Hey...I thot we wuz movin' over to #15610? I've already posted over ther Miami. C'mon lads (wimmeng folk too, uv course :), there's lots more room an' it doesn't stink of trolls.

  • Jan. 21, 2005, 12:46 p.m. CST


    by mortsleam

    I'm enjoying the new chronological layout. It's almost as if that's how the site should have always been. Anyway, ROTK was great. It was a lot of fun reading about the making of this tremendous series of movies. Last.