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A pair of scurvy blokes shred grey noodles about PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL!
Hey folks, Harry here with a pair of looks at PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN from a test screening last night. Sounds like it went very very well. I hope the print they saw gets its PG-13 without cuts cuz... well, I really do want to see Zombie Pirate Action! Here ya go...
Pirates of the Caribbean breaks the curse!
Let me start this report with a little back-story. I have lived within earshot of Disneyland since I was a six-month old. Pirates of the Caribbean has been my favorite theme park ride since I could say…. theme park! When I first heard they were making a movie based on my favorite ride, I was skeptical to say the least. I had every reason to be scared. I can list all of great pirate movies on my little dinghy. Then I heard the film was going to be produced by Jerry Bruckheimer. I got a little excited… I actually like his style of films! Then I heard the cast list and said, “Why?” Then I heard…. Gore Verbinski, and then I said…. “Who?” Oh yeah the guy who directed Mouse Hunt? Okay, I really liked Mouse Hunt! I saw The Ring on DVD and was slightly entertained.
So here I am thinking this film could go either way. It has been a REALLY long time since I was like WOW at the movies. I was out at my local theater this weekend and got a pass to see a screening of Pirates… (Insert joyous pirate theme song here)… needless to say… I was stoked!
I just got home from the screening and let’s just start from the beginning… The metal detector was a bit much and that cavity search for video cameras brought back memories of Fletch…. (MOOOOOOOON RIVER)! Finally the movie begins… and it’s a… WORK PRINT? Isn’t this cutting it close?
The film opens with our leading lady at an early age at sea with her father (Insert the creepy Bond villain from Tomorrow Never Dies… I am too lazy to get up and look up his freak’n name!)… that was hard to shake most of the film. Her father is the Governor of this Caribbean Island. Their guide at sea is dashing young clean cut sea captain played by Jack Davenport…(Insert Lesbian Spank Inferno here)… (Explanation: Jack plays the character Steve on the BBC show Coupling…and that reference never left my head the whole movie! Sorry Jack!)… back to the show… debris from a battle comes floating around the ship through the murky fog-smoke… and there is a little boy floating around in the water unconscious. He is brought on board where our little Elizabeth discovers a pirate-gold medallion around his neck… she swipes it to keep our little William safe from suspicion of being in league with… oh no…! Pirates!
Flash forward to Elizabeth… (Hello, Keira Knightley!)… waking from a dream and getting out the swiped medallion she has kept hidden all these years. She gets a new dress from Dad… (Insert tight corset jokes here)… to celebrate the young Captain’s promotion… We are then reintroduced to William… (Yes girls, I know Orlando Bloom is cute!)… he now has become a skilled sword-forging apprentice… All this and then we get our Hero… Jack Sparrow… (I am sorry that would be Captain, Jack Sparrow!)… played by the always extremely cool Johnny Depp! I can not and will not reveal his entrance into the film… way to funny to spoil here! Comedy ensues with fast paced action shots. Then the medallion is activated… I can’t really explain it… it just does! We discover William has feelings for Elizabeth, but keeps them buried like hidden treasure. We then have a fun duel between William and Captain Jack, long story short… Captain Jack is sent to the slammer.
Later this night our first taste of pirate looting and pillaging as some additional back-story with Captain Jack and the cursed crew of The Black Pearl is explained. Elizabeth is captured by the crew of pirates and is taken to the Captain of the Black Pearl… (Insert Geoffrey Rush as the evil cursed pirate Captain!) Elizabeth uses a false last name and is mistaken by the pirate crew as their intended target… Meanwhile at the hall of Justice…! (Sorry, lost concentration it’s 2:18 in the morning so I might be rambling!) … William and the now freed Jack “acquire” a new fast sailing vessel to go to the pirate island where the pirate curse can be undone. Are you still with me…? There is still a lot more of this story!
Jack tells William that his father was a pirate and not a respectable trade merchant as he had been led to believe… (Insert STAR WARS Obi Won lines here). Then the two of them go off to recruit a crew for their new vessel… Great scenes right out of the theme park ride are all through the film, but are at their best during these scenes.
While this is going on Elizabeth discovers the effects of the curse. The crew plundered some cursed gold coins from Cortez and until the crew returns all of the pieces and sacrifice a certain blood type (long story, can’t explain here) they are damned! The cursed pirates are shown as ghastly skeletons in the moonlight and as humans in the sun. (But wait, it gets worse!)… They also can’t enjoy the taste of food and alcohol… (And the very worst part!) They can’t get any tail! (Celibate Pirates…. Oh that must suck!)
The entire rest of the film is one great battle after another. There are plenty of plot twists and a great ending that might end up at the end of the credits! So keep your eye out at the end!
Overall the film is almost perfect, just don’t go in thinking it’s JAWS or Citizen Kane! I hate it when people forget that films are entertainment! Just relax and have a good f’n time! I will definitely need to see it several more times to really soak it all in! This film is EXTREME EYE CANDY! I can’t wait to see it finished with the proper theme score! The temporary Gladiator theme was starting to annoy me!
My final thoughts from the screening are these… THIS FILM IS AWESOME! PERFECT Story, Effects, Cast, Pacing and Settings! I will be enjoying this film for decades. Great Job Jerry! Great Directing Mr. Verbinski! Great Acting all around!
I will count the days for it’s release and await word of the sequel!
SQUIDWARDHere's another who liked it and noted the audience and his wife's reaction to this sword clasher...
Dear Harry,
I literally just twenty minutes ago got out of what a
suit called the first ever audience screening of
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, and I thought I'd drop you a
line with some thoughts.
I'll forgo the details of the plot and skip right to
my impressions of the picture. The basic gist of it is
that Captain Barbosa, played by Geoffery Rush, has
kidnapped Elizabeth Swann because he is under the
assumption that she will bring and end to the pirateÃs
curse. Jack Sparrow and Will Turner, played by Johnny
Depp and Orlando Bloom respectively, give chase and,
of coarse, general wackiness and adventure on the high
seas ensues.
Admittedly, the plot is paper thin, but the picture
ends up being rather enjoyable. The trailer didn't
really induce much excitement to see this thing, but
the picture is a fun romp on a slip and slide. It's a
fun summer flick that will get you out of the heat and
make you forget, for a little while at least, the
bullshit that generally fills the day.
It is difficult really to discuss the technical
aspects of the movie. The suit at the beginning said
that this was a work in progress, and this wasnÃt
hyperbole. Many of the special effects were very
rough. While the score was decent enough, it was never
overbearing and always in sync with the action, I
could have sworn that when Geoffery Rush is giving a
big speech on top of a mound of gold that I was
listening to Wojciech Kilar's score for CoppolaÃs
version of DRACULA. The acting in the picture is good
all around. Depp is a bit over the top, but then his
character is over the top as well. He seems to be
having a good old time, and that kind of attitude is
infectious. Geoffrey Rush is wonderful as Barbosa.
There's hardly a thing this guy can do wrong. I'm
tryiing to burn THE BANGER SISTERS from my memory. My
only problem is with Orlando Bloom. When he bursts
onto the screen for the first time, I could almost
hear a collective swoon from the packed theater and I
swear to God I could feel the humidity in the room
rise as a hundred pussies creamed their panties. I
havenÃt seen a reaction like that since Brad Pitt rode
in on his steed in LEGENDS OF THE FALL. Unfortunately
he has a hard time standing his ground to the likes of
Depp and Rush. There are not too many who would not be
blown off the screen by those two, so one shouldnÃt
blame Bloom too much, but he simply does not have the
charm, nor the all around acting chops, to keep
himself from being shrunk to nothing during his
scenes. He does look a hell of a lot like Errol Flynn,
and can wield a sworn with the best of them. Rush has
the gift to tell volumes about his character with the
way he holds his body and a simple twitch in his eye.
Bloom's character is a bit boring, and, not to spoil
too much, his character commits an act of betrayal
midway through the picture that is unforgivable. I
found that I was actually rooting for the pirates to
win in this adventure. I guess this is because as a
kid I dreamed about being a pirate, and even acted out
my own adventures with my Mom's Kirby vacuum
attachment as my sword. The minor characters are
colorful and are given funny bits of business that
carry throughout the movie. The pirates also has more
empathy, and infinitely more personality than the
British troops that they battle against. The real
shock of this movie is Keira Knightly. Anyone who has
recently seen that goddamn overrated soccer flick will
be knocked out when they see her transformation in
this movie. It's sort of like when the cops show up at
Jake LaMottaÃs place and show him the picture of the
young girl he just fucked. Scorsese gives you the
before and after. That is Knightly here. She is, quite
simply, ravishing as Elizabeth Swann.
The movie does run a bit too long at two hours and ten
minutes. There seems to be three endings tacked onto
this thing, the movie just doesn't want to end, and
some of the action scenes drag on a bit too long. In
the final action scene, there is a gaping plot hole
that would have ended the fight about ten minutes
earlier. I really would hate to give it away, but, for
those who have seen this thing, why doesn't Bloom do
what he eventually does to end the fight at the very
beginning? I know that doesn't make any fucking sense
unless you've seen the movie, and I'm sorry about
that, but it was a plot point that nagged me. Still,
unlike THE MATRIX RELOADED, the action in this movie
seem to come out of the plot and character's action,
and do not seem place there just because it would be
cool to do it. Honestly, what the fuck is up with the
Burly Brawl? What is the point of that scene other
than to waste ten minutes on a fight that look more
like a cartoon than anything else? The action scenes
in PIRATES are well handled and nicely staged.
Two final comments. My guess is that this is a movie
that wants to be PG-13. From the cut shown tonight, I
donÃt see how that is possible. The picture seemed a
bit intense and graphic for that rating. Finally, the
movie was actually screened with a digital projector
instead of a print of the movie. I guess this is done
because of the expense of striking a print, but it
really diminished the impact of movie. You could not
escape the fact that you were really watching a video.
There were constant artifacts, and much of the
lighting was rendered murky and the colors were flat.
I get the impression that there could be some fairly
nice cinematography by Dariusz Wolski, but it was hard
to tell with the inadequate was it was screened.
Overall, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN is a nice,
entertaining summer movie. It's pure escapist fun. I
should point out that my wife absolutely hated this
movie. She hasn't reacted this strongly since I drug
her to see HOLLYWOOD ENDING. Why does Johnny Depp
where eyeliner? Jesus Christ, that's two hours of my
IÃll never have back. Thank God it was free. Mindless,
mindless bullshit. What can you do? I doubt she ever
played pirates using her Mom's Kirby extension to
battle for the gold on a summer afternoon.
Take care,
atoep
PS Being that I have never read a comic book in my
life, I have a question about X2 that is bugging the
shit out of me and I canÃt find anyone who knows the
answer. At the end, why didnÃt Iceman turn the
oncoming water into ice. Or, for that matter, why
couldnÃt Storm create something that could freeze the
water? Was it necessary for Dr. Grey to go out and
die, or did I miss something that only reading the
comic would answer?
Anyway, I love and appreciate the site. Thank you. Atoep As for P.O.T.C. looks damn good!
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+ Expand All
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Dang! Can
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Claire Danes will be my mistress, and for the first review PLANT!!!!!
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But Bobby ain't touching the punk at the museum. Or the cup of tea...
This film looks fun. There's very little more to say on that. -
Having said that i still have bad memories of Cutthroat Island, and the prospect of a Bruckheimer film based on a fucking amusement park ride, (and a Mauschiwtz ride at that) doesn't exactly inspire hope. Having said that, i want it to be good, because swashbuckling rules.
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Jun 06, 2003 8:04:52 AM CDT
by the way, will i be first to the obligatory Seaman Staines/ Ro
by jon lee ander
Ahh Captain Pugwash...those were the days.
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Jun 06, 2003 8:24:53 AM CDT
Do you think... the first reviewer... used enough... elipses...
by rev_skarekroe
I... don't... sk...
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Jean was short-circuiting electronics? So what, she decided "Now would be a good time for a picnic" and stepped out for a walk 'in' the lake? You gotta be shittin me. First, how a weather-controlling soft-porn star is going to stop millions of litres (metric system, learn about it) of raging water is beyond me. Second, the Iceman we see isn't a fully-developed badass Iceman, he's just a young guy who can freeze shit, trying to come to term with his powers, he can't do the ice sled, or transform himself, or anything yet, and it's no easy task to freeze so much water. Jean's decision was something spontaneous, that she made because she felt the power of the Phoenix rush inside her, and at that instant she understood the necessity of her sacrifice and that she was the only one on board the ship that could do anything about the dam. Johnny Depp Haters Go Home!
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Firstly: who the fuck cares if it runs over two hours? How many GOOD pirate movies do we get these days? This is like a long refreshing rain after a severe drought! Secondly: Keira Knightley a tomboy beanpole? I read that stupid blurb in the banner on the side here at AICN, but what the fuck is up with that? Even so, she soitainly don't need a corset, but I suppose they had to throw in a stupid period-dress joke, for lack of a better idea. Hmmm, did women wear corsets back in the 17th century? Say, is this story set in the 17th or 18th century?
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New catchphrase, everyone jump on the bandwagon.
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A plot synopsis does not constitute a review. Thank you. In other news, I'm going to see this one. Show me a boy who never buckled a swash with the household appliances, and I'll show you a pansy who'd like to ram the metric system down your throat.
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I... also... think.................................................................... PLANT!!!!!!!
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Oh wait. No they don't.
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1.) I am positive she is a Plant.
2.) the second reviewer TRIED to be too negative but if you noticed, he was trashing the actors that the girl in the first review liked. It sounded like a cookie-cutter She likes this, he likes that review.
And twenty minutes from seeing a movie. Who the hell has time to drive from a screening to home and write a stupid review. Something is definitly shady with this.
Oh, and did you notice how the second reviewer trashed the two biggest action movies out right now. Hell, I was waiting for him to say that HULK is too cartoon looking. -
Jun 06, 2003 9:40:52 AM CDT
Wow, that first review is complete shit, even by low AICN standa
by minderbinder
Let's see, we have the description of every scene of the movie instead of actually REVIEWING it...then when we finally get to comments about quality, we get a paragraph in which every sentence ends with an exclamation point and the movie is declared and I quote "ALMOST PERFECT"...yet we are lectured that we MUST go into the movie with incredibly LOW EXPECTATIONS. The second one is better, but Harry, what's up with letting reviewers spout off about whatever the current reigning blockbuster franchise is? Do I care what someone has to say about a movie screened for the first time? Sure. Do I care what he thinks about a movie that's been out almost a month? Not one fucking tiny microscopic bit. Haven't you heard of this thing called "editing"?
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To anyone who's interested. I've seen HULK. Here are my thoughts. Don't
worry. No spoilers here.
I've SEEN the movie and all I can say is if you've ever read the Hulk comic
book, you are going to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this movie!!! Ang Lee has crafted a
mighty fine piece of cinema. My experience of seeing the Hulk on screen was
just like being a ten year old kid again. When I left the movie theatre I was
high as a kite from the sheer excitement it generated.
And forget about all those people that keep droning on and on about the lame
TV show. The HULK is a comic book hero!! The TV show was NEVER a faithful
adaptation of the Hulk and always bummed me out as a true Hulk Fan. The TV show
was just a lame rip off of the Fugitive, except the main character turned
angry and green every now and then. And another thing, Dr banner's name is BRUCE!!
Not David!!! And, sorry Mr Ferrigno, I know you put a lot into your
performance as the TV Hulk, but a human being could NEVER do justice to what the HULK
really is. The Hulk in this movie is EXACTLY the way the Hulk is meant to be.
AWESOME!!!!
Forget all those cynics that doubt the movies FX etc. Everything in this
movie looks incredible. The intergration of the CG Hulk into the real environments
is flawless. When you see Hulk smashing things like crazy and tossing tanks
around etc, you believe he's there doing it for real!! The visual effects are
among the best I've seen in a movie ever. The action scenes are amazing to
behold. They are big, fast, loud and capture Hulk's awesome strength and size
perfectly. And wait till you see the scene with the Mutant Dogs. It's savage,
brutal and jaw droppingly exciting. It will give kids nightmares!!!
Also, Ang Lee did a wonderful job in translating the comic book feel with his
clever use of split screen shots and inventive transitions between scenes.
Sometimes the movie actually looks like the page from a comic book! Such a great
idea and it works so well. This movie has so much energy, including the music
from Danny Elfman, which is his best work yet. I really feel that he's
hitting his stride as a composer of film scores. Usually his music feels seperated
from the action on screen. Not this time!! The music here works so well.
It enhances every scene without ever taking over. Exactly what a film score
should do.
I don't want to give away the story, but Ang Lee made sure that the story
reflected the very basic theme of the Hulk, and that is the theme of emotional
repression. The story is based on freudian theory and explores all the ideas of
repressed memory, emotional trauma and of course the unique freudian dynamic
between father and son. This is not a simple story at all. It resonates on so
many levels and also greatly improves upon the "science" of what created the
Hulk by being true to the comic book origin, but spinning it in a new direction.
So yes, we still have the gamma radiation explosion in the dessert, but this
screenplay runs with that idea and creates a much bigger and complex concept
for what really creates the Hulk. It also is the central thrust of the
narrative as opposed to it being a simple and disposable origin like Spider-man's
was. The origin and creation of the Hulk is basically the whole story of this
movie.
Eric Bana is wonderful as Bruce Banner and the chemistry between him and
Jennifer Connely works really well. Their relationship seems so real, so fragile
and wonderfully heartfelt.
It was so important to me that this movie worked. The Hulk comic book was
such a big part of my life as child and teenager and Ang Lee just got it soooooo
right. If you liked X-Men and Spider-Man then you will LOVE this. If you
didn't like those movies, then why go and see this? It isn't for you. Everyone
else, strap yourself in cuz this is one bumpy ride!! HULK RULES!
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we have a reviewer who knows who Jack Davenport is, but doesn't know who Jonathan Pryce (who I saw onstage 2 years ago) and MacKenzie Crook (Gareth in The Office) are. Ah well, I think I'd see the film anyway, whether or not these people are plants or otherwise.
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(Insert, tedious and steadily less funny humorous aside here)
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I still say Reloaded would've been better if they'd cast Rick Moranis in this part.
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I can't wait to see "Pirates of the Caribbean" simply because of him. The word used in one of the reviews, "infectious." He is. I love watching him. He's not only wonderful to look at, but he's a serious actor, who is not afraid of the quirk. I love it. If my dream were to come true, it'd be him, Jude Law, and Mel Gibson all in the same movie. *dies*!
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....or how about "Hall of Presidents II: the Constitutionator".
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Just curious
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for.... saying.......................................... plant! Harry what happened to freedom of speech? Can't I have an opinion?? Prick.
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Pay attention to details and maybe you wouldn't come across as an idiot.
The Burly Brawl scene WAS a big cool as hell fight scene but it also revealed part of Agent Smiths motivations and the "connection" he thinks he feels with Neo. It also set up the fact that Smith couldn't beat Neo and Neo couldn't beat Smith. If you would have stayed and watched the preview for the next movie, THAT will be a very important obstacle, and I think Smith may be THE main obstacle in the final film. He wasn't planned for and he threatens the human and computer world.
Just because it was couched around a cool ass fight scene featuring the best pipe thwacking this side of Harry watching Blade II alone in his room doesn't mean it was pointless. -
It's about damn time we got a totally sweet pirate movie, heavily featuring the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet no less
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That first guy just sucked. Word to the wise: don't impress us with how clever you are. There's only one person on this whole damn site who is funny and his name is Foywonder. Unless you kill him and take his title, you won't be funny, so stop trying. Just shut up and review the damn movie.
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You can see yourself shrink! Special appearances by Grant Williams and Lilly Tomlin.
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Hey, speaking of dubious Johnny Depp projects, did anybody hear that he (and John Tuturro) have signed to be in a new Stephen King movie? It's called "Secret Window, Secret Garden", and it's about a writer who thinks that one of his creations has come to life. As opposed to The Dark Half, about a writer who creates an alter-ego that comes to life, or Misery, about a writer forced to bring his creation back to life... Suddenly the pirate thing sounds better! OK, resume talking about the sexiest tomboy beanpole...
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That "oh so clever" style really blows. Ugh! Those parenthecial asides to yourself don't even make any sense. Horrible.
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I'm gonna see all the same it 'cuz i've always been a sucker for pirate movies, but this baby sounds A LOT like John Carpenter's "The Fog"! Then again, "The Fog" came out after the original "Pirates of the Caribbean" attraction... okay. I'm officially fucked up. Over and out.
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but that first review is the worst offender I've seen in a while. No one spells the word "freak'n" - it's freakin, or friggen or some variation thereof.
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Jun 06, 2003 12:48:27 PM CDT
Of course, Bobby froze that guy in the cafe from a distance, but
by drath
Sorry, I just had to throw that bit about Bobby out there. Isn't it enough to just say he doesn't have near enough control of his powers yet to freeze a raging flood and on such short notice? (keep in mind, he wasn't at the damn when it was breaking, he was in the jet the whole time) ********** I hope PotC is the fun romp I want it to be. Keep in mind, I found Cutthroat Island watchable, so I doubt I'll be hard to please. It's a fricking Pirate movie!!
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if took me soooooooo! long for the screen to pop up i forgot what i was going to say
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Jun 06, 2003 1:04:16 PM CDT
On a side note, HARRY, why didn't you POST this HULK review!!!
by ted striker
I know HULK has been screened in the last couple days, so there SHOULD be some online reaction SOMEWHERE!!
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Jun 06, 2003 1:28:52 PM CDT
To the second review who said "unlike THE MATRIX RELOADED, the a
by ted striker
All the action in Matrix came from the plot and motivation of its characters. It's really too bad you weren't able to understand that because this is a great movie... Do you have any EXAMPLES of how any of the action sequences didn't make sense? The Agent Smith scene mad sense because we now know Neo cannot defeat him like he did before, and that he's a rogue virus on the loose. For the morons out there who said, "Why didn't he fly away to begin with," you're not paying attention! But luckily for you, 2Fast2Furious is opening soon, and that may be a nice enjoyable brainless action movie for you so you don't have to think too hard.
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Did that come up in the course of the movie? The best part of the ride IMO so if they left it out, they're idiots. + now to round up a bunch of women to see this Depp/Bloom extravaganza.
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The best pirate movie made in my lifetime was The Goonies. But all the pirates were dead in it. I hope this movie is good, and I sure hope that second guy is right about how it don't have the Matrix style action sequences. They were real dumb. Orlando Bloom was cool as Legolas and Johnny Depp has been in a million cool movies.
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Jun 06, 2003 2:14:00 PM CDT
oh, I forgot to ask: does Orlando do any shield surfing in this?
by fun guy
Because that was the worst part of the last movie he was in.
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Except for that guy on the 2Fast TB who hates Japanese 4-cylinder cars. He's a bitter 48 year old guy whose wife just left him because he spends all of his time out in the driveway tuning his 1981 Trans Am (perhaps called "The Red Dragon") to try to beat the kid with the WRX who continually smokes him on the boulevard. In a quest for porn he stumbled upon AICN and now finds talkbacks a good way to spend his lonely days.
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The shield surfing was so fucking stupid it nearly ruined the Two Towers for me. Especially cause they played that stupid heroic theme while Legolas did it. Did I mention it was stupid? Stupid and fey.
http://www.zombiechrist.com -
If we don't hear those _exact_ words somewhere in the movie.... I will demand a refund.
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Why didn't Neo fly away straight away? I mean the reason that Neo had for staying and fighting for as long as he did, rather than the Wachowskis' reason of showing us that they're evenly matched. Not that we know for sure, of course because, as Harry pointed out, in the first film Neo seemed to gain the power to destroy code but didn't even appear to try that in Reloaded. Which may have made some of his fights a lot shorter while his friends were in danger. It does seem that the Wachowskis deliberately forgot about that in order to concentrate on wire-fu. Which is a shame, because we already know that Neo is unbeatable inside the matrix at hand-to-hand combat, which means that in any fight that Neo is involved in there's no concern for Neo as there was in the first film. Instead of just more martial arts the threat should have been increased in proportion to Neo's new powers. There's got to be a possibilty that Neo might lose for a fight to be worthwhile rather than just for show. I was hoping for some combat between Neo and the Merovingian where they both employed their code-altering powers. But that may be te next stage of Neo's development. He's got the power to destroy code, but real power only comes with the power to create. Well, Reloaded must have been worthwhile if we're still regularly discussing it 3 weeks after release. So how about a monthly Matrix forum like the Star Wars one? Could be cool to have amonthly roundup of the latest news, rumours and speculation followed by a talkback for discussion. Which is why it won't happen here and we'll just have to continue invading unrelated talbacks to talk about The Matrix. Johnny Depp may be reason enough for me to see a fun pirate film.
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This one smacks of Errol Flynn and Tyrone Power - coolness. I'll go see it with my girlfriends and get all giggly - can't wait!
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These two reviews are obviously studio-sponsored plants. It wouldn't have come directly from Disney, but an outside web company they hire to plant these reviews with plausible deniability. They carefully use the right buzzwords and strategies to get you to repeat what they are saying, and to make you think what they want you to. Shades of George Orwell. Very clever. I have no idea how this film will be. Can't even guess. But please, take it from me, a Hollywood Insider, that these reviews are carefully constructed to sound like they came from target audience viewers (male 12-18 year olds).
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Jun 06, 2003 3:36:45 PM CDT
"William has feelings for Elizabeth, but keeps them buried like
by hipcheck13
...if only for: 1) Having the sack to type such a trite piece of shit. 2) See #1. Anyway, how difficult can it be to kill a PLANT, anyhow?
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Jun 06, 2003 4:00:25 PM CDT
Hmmmm... Well, my hunch is that Kiera Knightley actually create
by pablojakaffo
Am I the only one on this site that actually loved the film? Overrated must imply the film is that predictable but it really isn't. Maybe if one ACTUALLY watched the film they'd notice. I've seen it twice and I know all the details.
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Don't rip on BECKHAM, it's a good flick. As for PIRATES, it looks like it's going to be a good old fashioned popcorn movie and we can use that right about now.
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I agree with the dude in here who talked about how the Burly Brawl was neccessary. Notice how cocky Neo was and how it went away. Also I noticed during my 3rd time seeing the Revolutions teaser trailer Agent Smith is all over the place. Not only is he replicated a hundred times in the street, but he's also standing up in the windows of all the buildings in the background. There are thousands of him. Is he simply replicating himself or is he copying himself ontop of humans in the matrix? Does he end up copying himself on everyone? I'll be looking forward to seeing the next one.
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Arr mateys, looks like this Sooty Old Fart will be there. The preview looked fun on the MTV Awards Show last night and I could go for some mindless fun. Yeah, I hope Orlando Bloom gets to shield surf in the ocean while firing an arrow at the pirates because I LOVED THAT SCENE (sticks tongue out at others poopy-heads). Hey, those ELves can do some fantastic shit and Legolas Greenleaf was a freakn' Prince amongst the Elves of Thranduil's realm. Wait, he's still alive in Eressea and probably still shield surfing near the Alqualonde Beach Resort and Gambliong Casino. So, HAH-HAH!
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Ahhhhh . . . finally a great pirate film. I know this film will be great, and even if I'm wrong, I don't give a damn, because I'll twist my mind into liking it anyway. Now, if any producers out there are reading this, here's a few salvos of ideas to throw at you: Since the title was changed from POTC to POTC: Curse of the Black Pearl, please consider making additional films in this series, not necessarily sequels (it gets boring when the same characters never seem to die), but perhaps the same crew and director. I know from other spy reports the many details from the ride that are worked into the film (the dog with the keys, etc), so eventually, say after three or four filmns, all elements of the ride could finally make it onto the screen, along with new stuff, the two (the ride and the films) building upon each other. You could have "POTC: Secret of the Blue Bayou", "POTC: Legend of the Lost Mariner", etc. Oh, and one thing of no relevence but if producers ARE listening--how about a live-action film of the old Sergio comic book "Groo the Wanderer" done in the same style as Army of Darkness, starring Mick Foley as Groo, Bruce Campbell as Taranto, Kevin Sorbo as Arcadio, and--what the hell does this have to do with pirates? I'm not sure. But it was fun to write. I guess I'm just drunk with delight and anticipation at the approach of a pirate-filled summer! Yo-ho!
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I ain't going to argue with you about how elves have awesome super powers. Expecially Legolas whose dad was the king of the Mirkwood elves. But he ain't as super studly as the ones who have rings like Galadriel and Elrond. But my point isn't that elves have awesome abilities. My point is that the scene in the movie was gay. The rest of the movie rules. I hope he don't surf in this pirate movie. That would also be gay.
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Sorry for all the...! I just write funny on a lack of sleep! As for my review... I will work on it for next time! I just wanted to express the events in which I witnessed, without to many spoilers!
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...Hey, I was just having some fun, guy {[:^) To each his own, I sez, but I really did like that scene. I readily acknowledge some others didn't. Also, I would never refer to anything as "gay" since it has become an inconsiderate pejorative that I had hoped would find its way out of the English lexicon by now. Too bad. Also Part II, if you ever read the Hobbit, it might interest you to know that the Woodland Elf King is indeed none other than Legolas's father, Thranduil. Too bad they didn't show those Sindarin Elves fighting in the Battle of the Last Alliance (the movie, Fellowship) as I think it would've been cool. Thranduil fought in that war also and his father, Oropher (Legolas's grandfather), was killed, leaving Thranduil to inherit the crown. Just as you saw Legolas, they weren't much for wearing armor ( unlike the heavily armored Noldor that Isildur led) so they were fairly decimated and withdrew, not taking part in the seven year seige of Barad-dur. Namarie...
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Jun 06, 2003 5:38:31 PM CDT
BladeRunnerUnit: Roger's locker???? It's Davey Jones' locker yo
by puddin' taine
Though with Bruckheimer producing I'm still a bit skeptical too.
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Jun 06, 2003 5:57:54 PM CDT
JAWS and CITIZEN KANE *are* entertainment ...Also, Bobby made th
by fizzenbarber
Man, I love the excuses people cook up just to justify them enjoying mediocre movies. Keep 'em coming!
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Aarrrgh! Walk the plank....BROTHER!
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...but does anyone know where to track down unproduced scripts (for example: The Fountain)? there used to be a couple good sites - one called script forum got shutdown - and drew's just doesn't update frequently enough. or if anyone knows of script shops down in L.A. that might be able to help me out, I'd really appreciate it. My e-mail's hardlythinking@hotmail.com .... Thanks! (btw: hoping Pirates doesn't lick cannonballs, but really, whenever depp tries to do a commercial project - nick of time, anyone - it ends up either awful or, as with sleepy hollow, disappointing)
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Yeah I knew all that stuff, except I didn't know lego's grandfather's name. but all that still don't make the shield surfing scene cool. actually it would probably work fine in the pirate movie, but in lotr it's just pointless action for action's sake that don't fit. like in the matrix movies. but matrix is worse because its shrouded in a veil of false depth and gratuitous philosophical and religious references that lead nowhere and are only used to create cool sounding dialogue for cool looking characters to say. whoops i started slipping out of character there. better stop now
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...not cool to YOU, fun guy. Well, first of all, calling it "shield surfing" is really just a hackneyed cliche that seems to have stuck just out of mindless repitition. He's not literally surfing as he's not on a surf board much less a wave. He's sliding down a stone staircase on a shield so that he can shoot accurately and swiftly without being joggled around. Why not? He demonstrated similar movements jumping on the horse in the warg attack scene and walking atop the snow on Carahadras. I found it perfectly plausible and typically Legolas. Thus, cool to me. I s'pose it just gets down to personal taste, after all, yes? BTW, didn't mean to come of as pedantic or anything. ** Back on topic, I do hope the second reviewer was right about Orlando simply being overshadowed by the far more experienced acting of Rush and Depp. I'd hate for Bloom to be a one hit wonder. He didn't really get to do much in 'Blackhawk Down,' after all, so we really don't know if he's got the chops yet.
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Jun 06, 2003 10:05:01 PM CDT
How to enjoy PJ's vision of LotR in the theater without getting
by gypsytrobot
Arms held in normal theater-going position (at sides), quietly but vigorously stick out both middle fingers from clenched fists whenever dwarf tossing, shield surfing, wizard breakdancing, or similar outrage occurs. Repeat as necessary. Walk out of theater feeling remarkably calm. Worked for me in TTT - try it for RotK, won't you?
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You'd think AICN would be a good place to have a film community built on respect for ambition and invention in film, espically in the much maligned horror and
sci-fi genre....
But no, we get TalkBacks filled with useless fucks doing nothing but BITCHING, MOANING, and PISSING about how nothing is ever good enough and how anybody who dares write in is a stupid, grandmother humping loser. Fuck!
P.S. Stop trying to tell us THE MATRIX RELOADED made sense. Nobody knew the first flick was going to create such a cult and they just wanted to STAR WARS it (STAR WARS=whore it for the money) while the money was good. The movie stunk out loud, it made no sense and was the most insanely pretencious flick I've seen in years.
P.P.S. For the IQ challanged, I know I just contradicted myself...it's called ironic satire, you shaven monkey-boys. You don't like it, you can gargle my scrotum.
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Jun 07, 2003 1:31:11 AM CDT
Jerry Bruckeimer re-invents pirate tomfoolery and it's WACKY AS
by jules windex
Btw, I saw Harry on the Animatrix DVD. Frightening
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this is kind of in response to morGoth. I have seen Ned Kelly, and Orlando Bloom was excellent in it, and although Geoffrey Rush was in the film (Superindent Hare) he didn't really overshadow him, partly because he has no scenes with him. And there was no-one else to overshadow him! Heath Ledger sucks at acting, he needs to stick to what he's best at; teen movies, and A Knight's Tale. Basically looking scruffily cute.
Getting back to the subject, I think POTC:TCOTBP sounds awesome. -
Jun 07, 2003 8:02:49 AM CDT
My only problem is with Orlando Bloom. When he bursts onto the s
by red raider
Now that's a review! LOL
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Jun 07, 2003 8:18:13 AM CDT
Why does every comic book movie production turn to Danny Elfman
by red raider
Did I read that Hulk review correctly? Elfman does the score for Hulk as well? Danny Elfman has done some fine scores in his time, and yes, the Batman score was awesome, but everything else he's done is average at best. A friend of mine once said that every composition Elfman has made for movies or t.v. are just variations of his Simpsons score! To this day, no composer for a comic book film has matched John Williams' Superman: The Movie score. I do think that Howard Shore's FOTR is the finest I've heard in some time!
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Jun 07, 2003 9:21:03 AM CDT
Have to agree with FizzenBarber... What are these reviewers on?
by workshed
Whether or not they had a 'scoop' on POTC, these reviews were badly written and seemed to be without any sense of 'film history' (sorry, for generalising). On top of this you forget to put a 'SPOILER WARNING' and you allow one of the degenerates to get into print the most inane statement about two of the most entertaining films of ALL-TIME. What's next? A dressing down for '8 1/2'. A comparison between 'The Apu Trilogy', 'Wajda's War Trilogy'(truly the greatest of them all) and 'The Matrix'.
The standards of AICN took a real tumble today. -
Jun 07, 2003 9:33:37 AM CDT
And if you are in need of some SERIOUS cinema go and see 'SWEET
by workshed
Honestly, I know it's showing on just a few selected screens but believe me I've never walked away from a film so scarred. Incredible stuff and a film I will watch till the day I die. Don't take a box of kleenex... book a couple of therapy sessions.
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Hang on, if iceman needs to be in contact with a surface connected to the icing area, then how the fuck did he freeze the guy that was on fire in the museum. Am I mistaken or did we not see a jet of ice shoot out from his hand?!?
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I never had a problem with the break dancing wizards scene from the movie, as I always felt it was a bit strange in the novel that Gandalf (apparently) meekly submitted to Saruman inside Isengard once he thought he was trapped. Nowhere else to my recollection does this occur in the novels. Even in The Hobbit when it looks like the Dwarves, Gandalf and Bilbo won't get away from the Goblins and Wolves Gandalf is willing to fight to the death, ie: drew himself up to a great height, prepared to throw himself onto their attackers etc. He knew he wouldn't win, but I don't think that would have stopped him from resisting. That was the reason he was sent to Middle Earth in the first place, to inspire the inhabitants to fight and resist in a seemingly hopeless situation. Cheers.
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Gotta agree with Red Raider on Howard
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Don't say "Sorry Jack!" He isn't reading this shit.
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Finally, someone with the balls to call a spade a spade...digital projection is VIDEO...NOT FILM!!!!!!!!!!! Lucas has proved to the world that he is a money grubbing jackass...hack director (notice i won't comment on producing Indiana Jones !!!!) Digital video shoots are nothing more than another way to save money on one end so the above the line can jam more cash in their own pockets. I work in the biz and for God's sake, they've taken enough from the people that actually make the movies, now the want to take more from the people that actually watch the movies. Digital filmmaking is another form of dumbing down the audience, like CD's dumbed down the music audience. The audience will be forced to watcjh an inferior product until we forget how awesome REAL film is.... God bless the cinema
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...when you say CD's have dumbded down audiences, do you mean because of their inferior fidelity relative to analog LP's, for example? I'm not trying to gig you or anything but I'm just curious as to what you specifically mean there. I haven't kept up (not that I'm an audiophile expert or anything even remotely close to it!)and I just assumed they (CD's) were. It was mainly a harmonics issue, right?
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Exactly. CD's butcher the high-end and low-end. In the same vein, video, HD or not, butchers the high end and lowend of the color spectrum. Notice how the blacks aren't really that'black' on DVD's? or video tape? Notice how the whites are 'off-white'? Video is video and film is film. I'll take a photograph from a 35mm camera over the pixelized edges and mushy color of a digital peice of crap any day. Sometimes the above the line trip over $100's to save nickles. Before long, we'll all accept garbage picture as the norm, just like we now accept terrible movies as masterpeices.
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Jun 07, 2003 2:04:32 PM CDT
blah, blah, blah. Any Johnny movie is worth watching and you kn
by brat girl
Ok, so you've got Johnny Depp who knows how to pick a film. Geoffrey Rush who is just fucking brilliant. Orlando Bloom who is in one word HOT. And Kiera "The Beanpole" Knightley, a pretty girl with attitude! Pirate movies don't get any better than that so you can all stop your bitchin' and moanin' and whinin'...elipse...elipse...elipse....
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...and thank'ee kindly to you too {[:^) I won't venture into your closing sentence since that may start a flame war (not by me!). Namarie...
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squidward likes jerry bruckheimer films....loves POTC. mmmhhhh...so will i hate this flick?? hopefully not.
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I basically had some similar thoughts after watching X2 and I think it comes down to lazy script writing. I understand the arguments against any one person stepping off the plane to stop the water, but I think with the combined powers of Cyclops, Storm, Jean and possibly Bobby everyone could have come out of that situation alive. I think they should have used the classic version where the danger was radiation and Jean piloted the X-Jet(why don't they call it the Blackbird like in the comics?) to safety. Then they wouldn't have had any room for argument that whoever did it was making a noble sacrifice. As it stands, it simply looks like Jean made a rash and foolish decision and died because she wouldn't allow them to explore other options. Also, I understand that they've since re-written the origin of the Phoenix so it actually represents her full potential, but having the Phoenix Force show up prior to her death sort of spoils things for me. It begs the question, did she really die? Or did she get saved at the last minute by the Phoenix? It completely ruins the significance of why she's called the Phoenix, you may as well call her Fiery Bird Chick or something.
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Jun 07, 2003 11:07:26 PM CDT
"Oh yeah the guy who directed Mouse Hunt? Okay, I really liked M
by mister pink
This is where you lost me. MOUSE HUNT fucking SUCKED, dude. I'm not going to cry plant, but those two reviews, especially the first one sure as hell do a good job of imitating paid studio publicists. I have a feeling that if I were to spray Roundup on my moniter, that first review would curl up and die.
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Jun 08, 2003 3:13:34 AM CDT
Nah! I hope Legolas does some serious heterosexual shield surfin
by nazismasher
That scene was so hetero I swear I grew hairs on my chest and made my girlfriend's boobs seem bigger just for having seen it! And that's coming from a world class hetero - not a single homo aroused experience in all my life... I swear it! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME GODDAMMIT!!!
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Fucking her might be a tad rough(being that she's a "beanpole"). Nobody likes to hear bones grind! But I would seriously swap spit and wag tongues with this "sexy tomboy beanpole"!!! Here's hoping Jerry Bruckheimer hasn't ruined yet another production with his deamnd for an over-the-top, MTV style quit edit film!
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She was messing up the electronics, just like in the museum early in the film. She was the reason the plane couldn't take off. It didn't matter whether Bobby froze the water, because they still couldn't have gotten the plane off the ground with Jean on board.
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Singer's X-Men aint the X-men we know and love. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed both movies but there's no way he could duplicate the level of abilites in the comics without a budget increase of 60 Million or so (OK I pulled that number out of my ass but it seems about right). Bobby is pretty inexperinced with his powers at this stage, he's not even at snowman level (check out early issues of X-Men when he looked like, well, a snowman) yet alone iceman with iceslides. Did you notice neither Jean nor Storm flew? Night crawlers attck was pretty much right on the money. Hopefully X-3 will have an even bigger budget and Brian can give us some great eye candy. So, given the limitations of the X-Men at the damn and who knows what whas going on in Jeans head at the time, her sacrifice fit the required "heroic death" needed for her transformation in Phoenix. I don't see how Singer could use the Phoenix force without bringing in the Sh'iar and the battle on the moon. I'm hopping that Project Wide Awake folder on Stryker's computer means we'll see some asskicking giant robots going toe to toe with a pissed off Phoenix with the X-men and the brotherhood caught in the middle.
To get this back on topic, Orlando Bloom looks pretty hot in the trailer for PoTC (talk about eye candy) so I'll see it for sure. -
I missed your post. I'd forgotten about the effect she had on the electronics (something that Kitty causes when she phases in the comics)
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i've never heard of this actress before......
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aw man..sounds good to me!!!
haha u kno wut? the thing about xmen does sound reasonable...i mean does it matter if Ice Man is novice with his skills but its not like hes TOTALLY novice!!
and plus....storm CAN and SHUD have at least TRIED 2 save her friend..o well! the movie rocked anyway!!!!
ok, im a bit hyper.. and 4 that girl who didnt know who Kiera Knightley is...Kiera has GOTA be the LUCKIEST girl in the WORLD!!! SHE GETS TO MAKE OUT WITH ORLANDO BLOOM Orli is H O T and even if he wasnt in this movie..it still sounds all good:P but den..NOT az gd as it would wit orli in it!!!!! u can count on me 2 b screaming when orlando comes on screen at the theatres!!! ;) -
kiera plays Will's LUV INTEREST..
shes Elizabeth if u wanted 2 kno..
oh and she has got 2 b the luckiest gurl on EARTH!!! -
Jun 11, 2003 7:37:29 PM CDT
My only problem is with Orlando Bloom. When he bursts onto the s
by chiquitita
It seems like an exaggeration.
I mean Orlando is cute but not the hottest man on the earth...
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