April 14, 2003, 9:04 a.m. CST
eat you're heart out you filthy scum!!!!
April 14, 2003, 9:05 a.m. CST
i'm last and there's nothing you can do about it mwhahahha
April 14, 2003, 9:14 a.m. CST
damn you i was last wait now i'm last again mwhahahaaa
April 14, 2003, 9:36 a.m. CST
will the geek get it on with the girls who couldn't wait to be strippers. I'm betting on it. and by the way I'm still last mwahahahaha
April 14, 2003, 9:40 a.m. CST
when I was fucking THERE, twice!!! Now people are too lazy to go on vacation? They need a reality vacation to vicariously cut loose? I hope the check is in the mail for this review, Mori. Too many 9 syllable words for a 1 syllable piece of shit.
April 14, 2003, 9:53 a.m. CST
This and Old School are gonna get me through the summer. Screw all these fancy Matrix films. I wanna laugh. Anyhow I just met Ian McCulloch in town. What a nice f*ckin' man.
April 14, 2003, 10:33 a.m. CST
this film has a beer and cheats on kiera knightly the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet. I am last yet again mwahhahaha
April 14, 2003, 1:17 p.m. CST
So, all it takes is a free vacation to get a rave from Drew? Guess New line didn't pony up for A MAN APART, huh? It's reviews like this that have made AICN the joke it has become. But, hey, at least you got a free trip to Mexico. Who needs integrity anyway?
April 14, 2003, 1:28 p.m. CST
This site is hilarious. You guys epitomize the word Tool. This is the same McWeeny who preached to us about settling for less after FELLOWSHIP came out. Now he's an avid reality TV buff, and this is a great mvoie. Have you no shame, McWeeny?? No, you don't. Keep enjoying those free trips, keep sucking the cock that feeds you. Your suckage increases with every article. A new low for this once great site. I feel dirty for having come here today. SHAME ON YOU!
April 14, 2003, 1:32 p.m. CST
by Sod Off Baldric
So-called Reality programming is what finally drove me to stop watching television entirely. I can't stand that voyeuristic pap, and cannot wait until it goes away (which, unfortunately, probably will not be for a long time by the looks of it). And this steaming pile is being released on the same day that I turn 29. Happy frickin' birthday to me.
April 14, 2003, 2:08 p.m. CST
Why are we getting Drew's account of things in Cancun when he never bothered to finish up the story of his previous junket to Vancouver? He promised part 2 of his edge-of-your-seat account of visiting the set of "Elf" and I've been waiting weeks and weeks for it. Granted, no one actually gave a rat's ass -- but still, I thought we were talking about serious journalism here. Damn.
April 14, 2003, 2:08 p.m. CST
cause if it were total crap, wouldn't they just pawn it off to some cable channel? i dunno. i couldn't believe my eyes when i saw an ad for this on TV. if this or "Malibu's Most Wanted" are become blockbusters, i'm gonna hang myself with a turd.
April 14, 2003, 2:09 p.m. CST
cause if it were total crap, wouldn't they just pawn it off to some cable channel? i dunno. i couldn't believe my eyes when i saw an ad for this on TV. if this or "Malibu's Most Wanted" become blockbusters, i'm gonna hang myself with a turd.
April 14, 2003, 2:14 p.m. CST
... is the total lack of reality. i can't remember how many times I've been given a free house with thirty roommates and cameras everywhere. Or having a vacation with my girlfriend and a dozen single women bent on breaking us up. A mixture of human misery as entertainment and the awesome cultural need to find fame. At any price. Plus, it allows studios to make films and TV shows were they don't have to pay the actors, or write the dialogue. Either that or it's a bunch of morons hopping about just having harmless, stupid fun. And it's likely not going to be around forever - I, we, have no attention span to speak of.
April 14, 2003, 2:18 p.m. CST
by Dog Of Mystery
So, when is this amazing new Supernova-less site of yours opening up, you cheeky cunt?
April 14, 2003, 2:25 p.m. CST
I need closure on Drew's previous set visit. Did the elf character and the Santa character have good chemistry? Did Bob Newhart stammer? Did they give the "journalists" a nice hot lunch -- with vegetarian options? Who'd Drew sit with on the bus ride back? Did he nab any duty-free at the airport? What did he pack in his carry-on? Seriously, I'm hanging on a ledge here. You can't feed a man an appetizer, whet his appetite and then shut down the kitchen. Vancouver is not without considerable charms -- but it is not Mexico. I therefore predict a decent review for "Elf" but certainly not glowing. If Drew had been given some free lift tickets for Whistler or perhaps a couple of eighths of BC bud, well, we might be talking about a fucking rave, but as it stands, the studio clearly didn't want a good review badly enough. For shame.
April 14, 2003, 2:53 p.m. CST
But seriously, Moriary's saying "We live in a culture, by the way, where more than one network thought it was a financially sound idea to do an ARE YOU HOT?-style show. These are the last days of Rome, folks." What is this movie other than an "Are You Hot?" on the big screen? When I saw the preview for this on TV the other night I thought it was just going to be another piece of trash for the MTV Channel. It chills me to learn this will be in theatres. Last days of Rome indeed...
April 14, 2003, 3:51 p.m. CST
I mean, hell, if they punched it out in a month or so, it musta been dirt cheap and I guess if it makes 30 mil it would get back its budget. But I don't think it'll go very further because reality TV works on, well, TV. being able to sit around and bitch about it with your friends about stuff. Watching it on the big screen is gonna seem like overkill and ppl are generally gonna tune it out. But I still think it'll probably be profitable for New Line because it was probably really cheap.
April 14, 2003, 3:55 p.m. CST
ah Blackadder....good comedy
April 14, 2003, 6:34 p.m. CST
by Jimmy Jazz
more boring than watching video footage of another person's vacation. There is nothing more idiotic than those fucking reality shows that blight the airwaves. With this, you've got the best of both worlds. I'd rather have my genitals scorched off with boiling oil than watch this crap. But it will no doubt make a fucking mint which will inspire the rest of those brain dead studio tools to greenlight a dozen more abortions exactly like this one. Mr. McWeeny is not helping things with his (bought and paid for) positive "review". No doubt his words will be poster and TV ads for this trash ("It's Freakin' Great"- Moriarty Aint it cool News.Com) like some kind of jucket whore. I never held this site up to be a paragon of journalistic integrity nor did I believe all those AICN/New Line conspiracy theories. But even an idiot can see that this strains credibility. One would have hoped that this site would have stood on principle and not given it's blessing to such a cheap and lazy ploy. We don't need the "reality show" disease to infect the theaters as it has the television. What's next? Big Brother movies? Elimidate? If this thing is profitable, the wider implications are frightening. It goes way beyond what Drew McWeeny thought of this piece of shit. Didn't you look at the bigger picture? I'm sorry but you guys blew it big tiem for posting this "review". If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, make it fucking stop!
April 14, 2003, 6:44 p.m. CST
by Palmer Eldritch
So, it's reality when people and there nice little stereotyped niche to fit into, and even a geek can have a preplanned John Hughes-esque moment to shine, huh? This is not reality, this is what happens when Griffin Mill's dream comes true and the producers get to prise the writers out of the creative process and theirs nothing between the worst kind of bottom line thinking and the audience. It's no coincidence that the huge boom in "unreality TV" came after that huge fernangle with the writers guild a few years back. To Hell, and don't spare the handbaskets.
April 14, 2003, 7:42 p.m. CST
And I have a sneaky suspician that`s all it really is.
April 14, 2003, 8:44 p.m. CST
Let's not let this term spill over into film, okay?
April 14, 2003, 9:14 p.m. CST
by Moriarity Report
...Because the ones today like American Pie are just something else completely. I think those movies are more broadly comedic, more like satires. I long for the days when they would just film a bunch of kids partying with lots of bare breasts bouncing everywhere. I mean those types of films were considered "crap" in their day too, but there is an audience for that. For they guy who said that he doesn't need to see a movie about Cancun because he was there, to you I say, there are many of us who weren't there and don't have any intention of going there but still enjoy seeing what it's all about. That's the whole reason why they have a nerd as the main character. He's people's gateway into that world, who haven't been there. I think the whole reality show craze started because people were fed up with the same recycled cliched unrealistic Hollywood crap over and over again. I think Real World is realistic enough, just young kids living with roommates. Survivor and Real World work because they are adventure shows, more or less. They take real people and send them on an adventure in exotic locations, although they never actually do much adventuring on Survivor. Big Brother makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and the other shows are more like game shows than true life documentaries. Again though, this will be the closest thing we've seen in a long time to a "party movie" of yesteryear and I think making it a "reality show" is a good way to do it because then they don't have to deal with all of the normal "Hollywood integrity" crap that I think holds them back on these types of movies which is why they've stopped making them. I think a major malfunction the reality shows on TV have is that the people don't seem real enough, they are far too groomed in that goody goody sitcom sort of way. The idea of a hard R rated reality film though might work because it could show all the debauchery that goes on in the life of a typical twenty-something in this day and age. I just hope that the cast isn't all made up of self aware goody goody nerds because then they are stacking the deck.
April 14, 2003, 9:52 p.m. CST
by Dark Bastion
Oh my lord is this shit funny! Keep up the good work, Facer. How true it all is! Check this out to see the truth about Moriarity! http://www.thefacer.net/dmws/dmwsindex.asp
April 14, 2003, 10:35 p.m. CST
and I flipped off the screen for seeing such juvenile aborrations. (the trailer, not phone booth, which I thought was a quick and fun romp.no added calories,) but this SHIT is exactly whats wrong with America. All these kids who have nothing better to do with daddy's money then to be belligerent ASSHOLES and fornicate like primates, while deciding what to major in. These are the kids that go into boring bank jobs, p.r. jobs at hotels, and jobs that you might as well label as "worker ant" in the global coloney. I'd love to hear any one of these wastes talk about having to work for a living, paying exorbatantly high rent and actually depending on themselves. yea I am vicious but this shit always pisses me off.
April 14, 2003, 11:09 p.m. CST
by Sod Off Baldric
Agreed. I must be off now, though, as I have a cunning plan.
April 14, 2003, 11:53 p.m. CST
I'm convinced the Freemasons have won. If this movie isn't a sign I don't know what is. Why is this movie being sold so hard? Mo did you get laid on this trip? Feel free to contact me privately to avoid incrimination.
April 15, 2003, 2:11 a.m. CST
by Eugene O
And I always thought that name was made up.
April 15, 2003, 4:02 a.m. CST
by Henry's Cat
Art, sheer art. Is there any where on the site that's got all the Harry animations?
April 15, 2003, 6:02 a.m. CST
The same day this review is posted on the site is the same day that the Real Cancun ads start running on this site? What, were you holding back the review until they paid for the ads? How are we supposed to know whether this was a paid-for review, or a real review of the movie. My guess is that it's paid-for, Moriarity has nothing bad to say about the movie which is strange.
April 15, 2003, 6:15 a.m. CST
pure shit. "Reality" shows have turned TV into a festering shitland and now the assault is starting in theaters. Sad.
April 15, 2003, 7:29 a.m. CST
by the G-man
Mori seems to consider a "reality" movie a documentary, but also insinuates that it will have a plot ala a John Hughes film. This indicates that the film was, in fact, scripted and/or events manipulated to provide the outcome the producers sought. Hardly ethical documentary filmmaking here. This makes me wonder if he also considers "Girls Gone Wild" videos to be documentaries. My personal prediction: this movie is low budget and will, therefore, make money. However its real success will come on DVD, most likely in an "unrated" version.
April 15, 2003, 7:56 a.m. CST
by the G-man
Banner ads of cleavage and butt cheeks. Really nice. Apparently, this site considers itself "too cool" for half 53% of the world's population. And fanboys wonder why they have problems attracting women to their genre films.
April 15, 2003, 8:57 a.m. CST
None of these people read, so let's send them to Cancun! Jeremy is blatantly full of himself, obviously overcompensating for his overbite and that large growth on his face. The women are extremely attractive though, but apart from looking at the banner ads I wouldn't want to hear them speak. De Niro haters go home!
April 15, 2003, 9:14 a.m. CST
April 15, 2003, 9:18 a.m. CST
Not to cast aspersions on Moriarty's or AICN's journalistic integrity , but didn't anybody else notice that the banner ads on the home page today just so happen to be for this flick? Hey, I too would probably go on for pages praising a film if they flew me out gratis to Cancun as well as bought significant ad space on my site. Or am I being too cynical?
April 15, 2003, 11:51 a.m. CST
by jules windex
Don't EVER compare South Park to that POS Jackass.
April 15, 2003, 12:02 p.m. CST
i used to think it did too, until i remembered COPS, baby! COPS was out way before the real world (or was it, fuck i don't really know but i swear it was), and that shit is still more real than any other reality show. thats not to say its the most entertaining, but its pretty fucking good.
April 15, 2003, 12:40 p.m. CST
Great. Reality shows don't have to hire writers 'cuz there isn't a story. Now we gonna get movies made that way. Thanks lazya$$ hollywood!
April 15, 2003, 1:27 p.m. CST
Because that's really what this film is about. Yeah. I predict this film will make 10X its budget, which was probably $9.99 for the videotape.
April 15, 2003, 1:55 p.m. CST
Hrmm, the whole campaign is T&A shots. This worries me.
April 15, 2003, 3:04 p.m. CST
by john cocktoasten
If memory serves, COPS was airing before the REAL WORLD had been concieved.
April 15, 2003, 4:10 p.m. CST
Mori, the war started on a Wednesday...
April 15, 2003, 5:23 p.m. CST
Is anyone else slightly disturbed at how extraordinarily sexual Harry's titles have been recently? I admit it. I'm a complete Harryphobe. The thought of his blubbery ass pounding another is well... scary.
April 15, 2003, 5:57 p.m. CST
Seriously though, Moriarty's review for X-Men got me pretty hyped. But now I'm beginning to see that every piece of tripe that comes along is getting rave reviews (i.e Daredevil). And they all seem to be saying the same thing. "just enjoy it for what it is" That is the dumbing thing someone can say about a film. If a movie sucks, don't make excuses for the movie,you have to kick the crap out of it.
April 15, 2003, 6:27 p.m. CST
I mean! They've got BOOBIES! I know how to ruin for everyone all the ads this site has up. . . just think to yourself when ever they zoom in on that camel toe that its just loaded think with the cream cheese like effects of a yeast infection. Ahhh, yummy! Hahahahah. Its like trying not to think of an elephant. . .
April 15, 2003, 6:31 p.m. CST
. . . rocks.
April 15, 2003, 10:02 p.m. CST
April 15, 2003, 10:05 p.m. CST
At least he disclosed his trip, and believe me that's a lot more than a lot of other reviewers do and they ALL get perks. Review-wise, he's pretty much on the ball, except maybe for Daredevil.
April 16, 2003, 12:02 a.m. CST
Unless this gets an R-rating + has some serious T + A, this movie is gonna bomb like a sonofabitch. The only reason to make a reality movie is to show things you can't show on TV. If the movie hypes itself THAT way, then it has a shot. Otherwise, it looks like they're making a 90 minute MTV Spring Break special: bikinis + guys with better abs than me... fuck 'em! + Moriarty: I don't think anyone believes for a second you're a reality TV fan. I don't know how you could write such a blatantly pandering review like this. I'm disappointed to the point of feeling physically ill. (Sell) Out.
April 16, 2003, 2:27 a.m. CST
As a supposed screenwriter, you should shun everything this movie stands for. If America is ass stupid enough to plunk down ten bucks a pop to watch a "reality film" this will be a massive blow to your profession. I don't care how good you think it is, it doesn't belong in theaters. It belongs, at best, on EmptyV. Please, In the name of Satan, let America skip it, and they will see it on the big M in a matter of months.
April 16, 2003, 3:33 a.m. CST
Had to see this one for work today - I wanted to hate it but it totally blew me away - One of the funniest movies I've seen in years - it isn't the stupid film I thought it was gonna be - very smart - On several occasions throughout it, I found myself saying to myself, "effing brilliant" - This is one of those rare movies where upon finishing it, all I could think about was telling all my friends that they had to see this it. Trust me - I hate "reality tv" - it makes me sick - this is nothing like what's on tv - it makes total fun of the jackasses while rewarding the good kids - don't miss this one. But if the studio is gonna release this next week, they'd better get of their ass and advertise it - would be a shame for this one to get lost in the marketplace. Oh and Dru - you're better than to go out to sandy beaches on a studio's dime - I hate that you guys go on junkets - you guys seem to have enough clout to setup a screening at the drafthouse or something...
April 16, 2003, 8:09 a.m. CST
Am I the only one that finds spoilt rich kids annoying? I find them annoying when they find actors to play them, I can only imagine that the Real(TM) thing is more annoying still. And if I want to look at boobies all day I can stand with my top off in front of a mirror. This movie says nothing to me about my life. It doesn't care whether I see it or not, judging from the ads, and I'm not going to see it, so it all sounds like a perfect arrangement. That said, I did see the Jackass movie. And it did make me laugh. There's something very restful and reassuring about watching idiots hurt themselves.
April 16, 2003, 11:22 a.m. CST
Wow isnt that NEW, this might end up being the most pointless movie in the world, but they paid for their spot on top w/the banner so Lord knows they cant bash it.
April 16, 2003, 12:52 p.m. CST
Demand cash and the 'company' of some of the women they used for those delicious promos. Don't give me a half-assed denfensive diatribe - embrace your new-found crepulence. 'Bring me wine! Bring me women! HAHAHAHAHA!' C'mon, sacrificing your principles should at least be fun and memorable. Fuck. I would.
April 16, 2003, 12:54 p.m. CST
April 16, 2003, 2:44 p.m. CST
For that hottie in the baby-blue bikini, with the tattoo on her lower back. The Harry bikini-animation is the most disturbing thing I've seen, take it off! (The animation, not Harry's top) After seeing this film I will ask for AliceInWonderland's hand in marriage, unless she turns out to be a dude... Bruce Campbell Haters Go Home!
April 16, 2003, 5:08 p.m. CST
Mori and anybody who thinks this sounds good, what the fuck is wrong with you? You stupid fucking wetbrains, you think it's hard to see a decent comedy now. If this suckceeds you will never see another written sex comedy again. Every studio dumbfuck is waiting til this goes through the roof and they'll unload their version of this and movies like "Old school" will never be made again because they aren't as cost effective as filming a bunch of frat rapists with a mini DV. Fuck you idiots, you gave a gun to a baby.
April 16, 2003, 10:24 p.m. CST
by Mr Brownstone
pathetic not to mention boring.
April 16, 2003, 10:45 p.m. CST
I just tried to go into the chatroom and couldn't get in. I wonder if it has anything to do with the email I sent to McWeeny?
April 17, 2003, 6:27 a.m. CST
The ads almost had me for a moment, with they're wonderous images of the female body and such. I gladly would've payed 8 bucks on that basis alone. The I looked in the upper left hand corner and saw the neverending loop of Harry baring his chest for all to see. Several hours later, after I stopped dry heaving, I found I could no longer stomach anything that remotely resembled Harry's orbs. Thanks alot, I didn't think it was possible but I no longer find breast appealing. Now if you excuse me, I'll have to go shoot myself in the temple. Thank you.
April 17, 2003, 7:13 a.m. CST
by Puddin' Taine
.... but with nudity huh? Why didn't you just pick up a copy of Girls Gone Wild: Cancun. I'm sure there is going to be one if not already. SOOOOO, how many hookers did they give you to write a positive review of this crap.