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Hoodie Award Winning Journalist Mr Beaks on ANGER MANAGEMENT & BULLETPROOF MONK!!
Hey folks, Harry here with our Hoodie Award Winning Journalist... Mr Beaks. What is a Hoodie? It has to do with circumcision I think... The details of his award and how he got it are buried in the mystery and lore of Moriarty's Labs... a dank and scary place where whimpers and screams echo amidst the droplets of sewer showers... Speaking of sewer showers, Mr Beaks watched ANGER MANAGEMENT and BULLETPROOF MONK. You may weep for him for one... which one? Guess! Here ya go...
ANGER MANAGEMENT (d. Peter Segal, w. David Dorfman)
As if it isn’t abundantly clear from the television ads that have been assaulting the airwaves over the last few weeks, allow me to assure/caution you that ANGER MANAGEMENT is an Adam Sandler comedy with all the imbecilic trimmings, riddled with juvenile non-sequitors, illogical plot twists, and slumming celebrity cameos. The big joke this time is that Team Sandler has turned one of these cameos into a co-lead, corralling Jack Nicholson to play in the mud with them. All you need is that shot from the teaser of a wild-eyed Jack nodding maniacally as Roger Daltry yowls out at the end of “Won’t Get Fooled Again” to know that it’s going to be a blast, right?
If this were the looser, zanier Sandler of Happy Gilmore, it might’ve been, but this is the cuddlier Adam as portrayed to profitable effect in Big Daddy and Mr. Deeds, and it appears as though he’s found a safe formula that suits him *and* his bottom line. The only deviation from those previous successes is that, for once, he’s working with a genuinely competent director (excepting, of course, his foray into P.T. Anderson-ville) in Peter Segal, making ANGER MANAGEMENT the most well-directed comedy of his oeuvre by relative default. The upside is a modestly enjoyable movie that isn’t marred by awkwardly cut together sequences or abrupt tonal shifts, with the downside being how this sudden professionalism has either straitjacketed Sandler, or simply exposed his universe as a bit of a bore.
This time out, Sandler plays Dave Buznik, a too-nice corporate lackey slaving away as a designer of weight concealing clothes for obese cats. He’s a spectacular pushover; inviting his boss to take credit for his work, while his office rival, Andrew (Allen Covert) is looking to move in on Dave’s girlfriend, Linda (Marisa Tomei). (Andrew’s an especially credible threat due to the illustrious girth of his male member.) But rather than snap under this unremitting string of indignities, Dave just takes it all in stride; that is, until his aggressively passive ways draw him into an improbable confrontation with a bossy flight attendant, resulting in an air rage charge that lands him in an anger management class taught by beloved self-help guru, Buddy Rydell (Nicholson).
Dave does his best to talk his way out of therapy – after all, he’s clearly not an angry man – but Buddy believes otherwise. He sees Dave as a powder keg of swallowed rage, and, therefore, an immediate danger to society; thus, landing Dave in his advanced, one-on-one program, requiring that Buddy move in and observe every aspect of Dave’s life. Cue “The Odd Couple” theme.
The domestic discomfort caused by Buddy’s infringement yields some disappointingly stale comedic bits (Buddy flinging his breakfast against the wall is all Oscar Madison), but their forays into the other aspects of Dave’s life are fitfully amusing. The funniest sequence finds Dave confronting an old childhood bully-turned-Buddhist-monk (John C. Reilly), which sours outrageously thanks to Buddy’s unconstructive prodding. Another bit has Buddy guiding Dave through the successful seduction of a smolderingly hot bar patron played by Heather Graham (who later ends up in a bra-and-panty set that will send Red Sox fans the world over into collective heat). But for every bit of progress Dave makes in Buddy’s course, his well-organized life, once in manageable shape, spins progressively out of control, threatening his job security and the love of his girlfriend to whom he plans to propose.
One of the film’s more appealing aspects is Rydell’s group therapy class, populated by the likes of John Turturro, Luis Guzman and Jonathan Loughran, all in full-on bizarro mode. Their material isn’t the best – in fact, it’s downright uninspired – but they make the most of it through sheer enthusiasm. (The stunt casting helps, too. Turturro picking a fight with a blind barfly wouldn’t be nearly as funny if the blind man weren’t Harry Dean Stanton.) Sure to be the favorite of all male viewers are Krista Allen and January Jones as a perpetually lip-locked pair of porn stars prone to assaulting unfortunate threesome invitees in a jealous fit of pique. Kudos to the casting director(s), in particular, for snagging Allen, who seems to be a men’s magazine superstar nowadays.
Amazingly, though, ANGER MANAGEMENT manages to stay afloat despite its notable lack of comedic invention. As with most of Sandler’s vehicles, this must be attributed to the actor’s unconventional, but undeniable, charm. There are people who will hate Sandler in everything; people for whom everything he does is the galling epitome of all that’s wrong with comedy, but I’m not one of them. I’ve liked the guy since his early “Remote Control” appearances, through to his scattershot comedy LP’s and subsequent movies. And that’s solely attributable to his charm. Even though his screen persona seems forever on the verge of violent outburst, there’s something inherently winning about Sandler-as-everyman. He’s us on our worst day; railing against the torrent of minor injustices randomly thrown in our way. And he’s also us at our most embarrassing; fumbling to find the right words when faced with adversity, and coming up with cosmically wrong answers.
But, loveable as he is, the current act is going to curdle fast, particularly if the material continues to be this limp. It’s could be a very short trip from THE BELLBOY to HARDLY WORKING. Let’s hope P.T. Anderson isn’t the only one to realize that Adam Sandler, and I’m fully prepared to be roasted for this, is one of our generation’s great clowns.
Because there is no logical segue into the next film, here are Ron Hassey’s lifetime statistics.BULLETPROOF MONK (d. Paul Hunter, w. Ethan Reiff & Cyris Voris)
BULLETPROOF MONK should be a great film because it features a character named Mr. Funktastic. Mr. Funktastic (played with muscle-bound élan by Marcus Jean Pirae) is the ringleader of a bunch of colorful thugs straight out of Vancouver Central Casting – meaning they’re about as menacing as the toughs in Jackie Chan’s Rumble in the Bronx. And, man, he *really* loves his name. Just as any of us would do if we were known as Mr. Funktastic, he’s tattooed his moniker across his chest, and found clever ways to work his name into sexual braggadocio involving his emaciated plaything, Jade (Jamie King). This clearly gnaws at Jade because she vainly attempts to one-up Mr. Funktastic by dubbing herself “Bad Girl”. So, she’s not one for creativity, but give Jade some credit. She does work awfully hard at the “bad girl” routine by affecting a sullen moue whenever in Mr. Funktastic’s presence. At least, I think she does; it’s entirely possible that it’s less a pout than the natural sinking of her cheeks from lack of nourishment.
One thing I can say for certain: Jade aka “Bad Girl” is out of her damn fool mind. Not content to ride out a good thing with Mr. Funktastic, Jade goes running off with some two-bit pickpocket named Kar (Seann William Scott) at the first sight of his patchwork kung-fu. Let’s be generous, and forgive her weakness for hack karate antics (maybe she’s a big Dolemite fan), but Kar? Kar!?!? She’s going to trade in a man with the flashiest title this side of “The Count of Monte Fisto” for a goofy looking bastard named Kar? What up with that? Kar doesn’t rule over an underground bad-boy empire with a dance club fashioned out of a single narrow subway car. And he doesn’t have an elevator with which he can make grand entrances and exits. He’s just a petty thief who lives in the projection booth of a grindhouse theater. Those kinds of guys grow on trees.
This film was obviously doomed to failure when writers Ethan Reiff and Cyris Voris didn’t slam on the breaks at the moment of Mr. Funktastic’s glorious creation, and jettison the whole BULLETPROOF MONK silliness. So, let’s assess the damage. The story concerns Chow Yun-Fat as a nameless Tibetan monk – we know damn well why he’s nameless, boys; you’ve done blown your load! – coming to the end of a sixty year search for the chosen one to whom he must pass his bullet dodging powers. This is complicated, as these things usually are, by Nazis. Sixty years prior, at the moment of his bestowal with bulletproof goodness, the Monk With No Name saw his entire temple wiped out by the brutish Strucker (Karel Roden), who sought to claim the supermonk powers for his blonde Aryan self (with which, I presume, he would rule the world and paw at Karen Allen). Unsuccessful the first time out, Strucker has managed to stick around for another six decades, tracking the Monk With No Name to Canada, where he’s about to screw up and pass his powers on to Kar and not Mr. Funktastic. Meanwhile, Jade continues to jeopardize her life by not eating.
It’s dispiriting to see Chow Yun-Fat being forced into martial arts roles when his strengths as a leading man lie elsewhere (i.e. running through rounds of ammunition like Shawn Kemp through pampers), but seeing as how his only legitimate stateside success is CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON, this appears to be his fate for now. Fortunately, no one is likely to remember BULLETPROOF MONK a year from now, save for as an example of wasted potential.
Get those Mr. Funktastic websites up and running, kids. The revolution’s coming.
Faithfully submitted,
2003 Hoodie Award Winner for Best Online Journalism
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Would get CLOBBERED by Bruce LeeRoy.
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a garment of casual outer-wear. With a hood.
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When you win a Hoodie Award, then, and only then, can you question my judgment. Mr. Funktastic is love.
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Both these films sound like renters. That Anger Management will have a $25 million - $30 million opening weekend - easy - mark my words. Congratulations on your Hoodie - whatever the fuck that is. Did your agent make you put it after your signature ;-)?
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Apr 10, 2003 3:10:28 PM CDT
Someone, Anyone, Please Drop a Safe on Adam Sandler's Head
by hipcheck13
This guy's about as funny as papercuts on your pecker peppered with lemon juice.
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Apr 10, 2003 3:11:38 PM CDT
People have been saying his act will wear off quick for...what..
by sideshowbill
There is always a market for professionally done goofball comedies. While I agree that MR. DEEDS was blah, and BIG DADDY is downright unwatchable, the BILLY MADISON/HAPPY GILMORE/THE WATERBOY/LITTLE NICKEY quartet give me no small amount of giggles. And PUNCHDRUNK LOVE is wonderful. I expect this to be good. It's gotten nice notices so far, or so says RottenTomatoes, but there are sure to be many who hate it. Frankly, I don't put much stock in the majority of what the Hobbit crowd here has to say about Sandler. These are the same people who are convinced THE HULK will suck and THE MATRIX RELOADED will rule...before having seen either one.
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Sho 'Nuff!!!!
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is the new Merly Streep. Just telling you what I heard. By the way, a hoodie is like a zippered sweatshirt with a hood. Come on boys get with the program! That is all.
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Apr 10, 2003 3:46:19 PM CDT
Is it me or was he on drugs when he wrote th Bulletproof Monk re
by russman
What the fuck was he talking about. I read it twice and it just doesn't make sense.
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He grates on me like Rosie Perez did.
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Apr 10, 2003 3:56:48 PM CDT
That "childhood bully-turned-Buddhist-monk" bit is from an old e
by son of batboy
Nice to see the Iraqis aren't the only people stealing. For anyone who finds Adam Sandler charming, stay the fuck out of my life.
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"...after all, he
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i saw it at the comic shop the other day but i suppose it could have been the graphic novelization of the movie. anyhow stiffler is always funny, but i think he's been taking andro and too much ripped fuel lately. his muscles are big but his face looks almost as skeletal as king's.
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That review is like a Godard film; it requires at least ten readings before it begins to make sense. So, looks like you're eight away. Soldier on, true believer.
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check whatisthematrix.com at 7 PM Eastern time and it should be there. that's what i heard.
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...they're cheap clothes anyway and they make no statemate. but enough about that. I saw a prescreening of Anger Management and it's a lot of fun. Jack looks like he's having a blast and no baby talk from Sandler. Ending was too contrived for me though. Bullet Proof Monk was a graphic novel first...i think. either way i'm not gonna see it.
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http://whatisthematrix.warnerbros.com/rl_cmp/trailer_final_dlwarn_pc.html
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SLOWPOKE
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Well done, AICN. Dark Horizons beat you to the top scoop of the week... again!
Check out Hulk Dogs pics on the News page of www.darkhorizons.com -
Apr 10, 2003 5:15:17 PM CDT
Ok, I thought only one of these reviews was supposed to be negat
by shabbadoo
Neither of them sounded very positive to me. Oh, and also, I sell hoodies at work...at Pac Sun.
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Dumbasses. A Hoodie is an award out in LA created by Steve Harvey and a bunch of other black people to honor the top non-celeberity people who have made a difference in the 'hood. Get it? The 'hood. The "Hoodies". Yup.
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Mr. Beaks....verbosity hampers jargon...remember that when you never become a REAL journalist...
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Do people not realize that the popularity of this site has surpased being about "exclusives" and who got the story first. I come to AICN because it's a site I am comfortable with. Because the writing is sometimes professional, and sometimes not. The sometimes not is usually from people who are NOT WRITERS but are given a chance to write a "story" for this website none the less. I appreciate that. I come here because I like the types of stories they post and that they take responsibility and admit their mistakes when they are wrong. I come here because Harry "Freakin'" Knowles was on the set of LOTR for days on end! Who was there from Dark Horizons? Oh. I'm sorry, they weren't invited. I mean shit, my Mom comes to this site. Just because the same 500 people have the same stupid argument in every Talk Back does not mean that only 500 come to this site. Jesus H' Christ! If you have a problem with this site then DON'T COME HERE! AND DON'T POST IN THE TALK BACKS! THE FACT THAT DARK HORIZONS OR ANY OTHER SITE HAD THE PIC A WEEK AGO DOESN'T MATTER WHEN I AM READING IT ON THIS SITE!!!! CLEAR?!?!?
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Why exactly did they leave Chow Yun-Fat's character nameless? And are you trying to imply that you'd rather have seen a Mr. Funktastic movie than one with a Bulletproof Monk subplot? Please clarify. I know I'm gonna get a lot of 'stupid' jokes for this post, but my own peace of mind is more important to me than what you guys think of me, so... forgive me for not caring.
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Thanks for the site, tekprodfx16. On topic, Sandler's earlier movies were a lot more funny than the later ones. (I don't consider Punchdrunk a Sandler movie). Sandler has considerably more staying power than some of you are giving him credit for. I might even see BPM as things are slow until May.
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... I will seriously answer your question, Ribbons. Yes, I would much rather have watched a ninety minute Mr. Funktastic movie than BULLETPROOF MONK. I'm sorry if that was unclear, but I was very drunk when I wrote those reviews. I have a problem, but, as I've assured my friends and family, I can handle it myself. I don't need their bullshit "interventions". So what if this drinking "problem" cost me my job? People lose jobs everyday. It's not a big deal. BTW, there is no reason why Chow Yun-Fat's character is nameless in this movie, but that's going to be the least of your gripes walking out of this puppy if you bother to see it. I should run now, lest my verbosity further hamper this post and corrupt the integrity of this talkback. Time to crack open another Hamms and watch the Matrix trailer.
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qualifies as a major discovery
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Man, I just got the trailer downloaded onto my desktop...one whole hour it took....grrrr....but worth it it was. Agent Smith and his alter egos get their booties whooped in the last scene, mercy....
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running through diapers line.
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from jackburtonlives. DON'T WASTE YOUR HARD EARNED CASH on Bulletproof Monk. it is a piece of garbage. you will come out angry and bitter that someone has somehow conned you out of $10. it is a total crock. i am a die-hard chow yun fat fan and it's hard to find a CYF that i don't like... but this is one. you've been warned.
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I just saw Anger Management tonight and thought is was really funny. I`m no huge Adam Sandler fan but I am a JN fan and he stole the movie. As for the Matrix???? YYYYYAAAAAWWWWNNNNN! I`m so sick of wire foo shit. The first Matrix was OKAY. Did it merit TWO sequels? The CGI looked cheap almost as bad as THE HULK. SHIT SHIT SHIT. But its only an opinion. Spend away suckers.
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Mr Beaks is one of Shawn Kemp's illegitimate children??
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I think some people will rag on Bulletproof Monk just because it's not an Asian martial arts flick. But that's like holding it against the Matrix for not being Asian. It's just a fun action adventure movie that mixes in some martial arts and Asian philosophy. It's obviously camp when you have one of the world's leading super models (James King) playing a bad ass martial artist named "Bad Girl". Hahahaha, that's some great camp right there. But sometimes these films get into trouble because not just anybody it seems, can film these spectacular fight scenes. Look at The Musketeer. They had a top fight choreographer and the athleticism of the fights were fine, but the American director obviously didn't know how to film them for shit. Only the final fight looked decent. But then you have the Wackosci Brothers who found a really original way to film the fight scenes in Matrix, so there ya go.
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The only good thing I can say is that at least he didn't waste most of this space with an uncalled for denouncement of Chris Columbus.
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Apr 11, 2003 4:02:52 AM CDT
Damnit, someone already got "Mr Funktastic" as a user ID...
by earthworm
...and my username *really* sucks as well. Anyway, that was some good reviewin by Beaks there, the kind of reviewin that makes me come back to this site. So all you AICN haters can suck mine.
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I mean, it *looks* OK, but it sounds like a rehash of that made-for-tv movie "invincible" or whatever it was called... garbage...
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The fact is DARK HORIZONS is better than this hunk of crap site. There is the ocassional bit of original news, and these TB's are fun, but this hovel hasn't broken a decent story in months. They regurgitate. They post reviews from idiots. They tell you when the catereron HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP dies. That's it. So, Harry was on LOTR set? So what...that explains nothing except his constant ass-kissing of PJ and Sean Ass-tin. The fact that Knowles takes these paid trips is cause for other debates that have come and gone and will come again. Get a grip, asshole.
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Isn't Buddy Rydell the name of the bully that was making fun of Cindy Brady's lisp on an episode of The Brady Bunch? Peter ended up punching him and giving him a lisp as well? Can anyone confirm this?
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I hate that I posted that now, Buddy Hinton was the name of the bully. Still, I'm certain I've heard the name Buddy Rydell before...
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I believe that was the bully from 3 O'Clock High.
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Just saw Anger Management - I laughed quite a bit. The premise of the movie is silly and the celebrity cameos get a bit old but there are tons of great lines. Definitely worth a matinee. And I do not like most of Sandler's previous movies.
I checked out Ebert's review on Suntimes.com - he had a major mistake in his review relative to Sandler's character's employment situation. Roger needs to stop feeding his fat face and watch the movie. -
Wasn't that when filming Bulletproof Monk- watch their lips and see if it matches- or did they change the tatoo as well?
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Mr. Beaks! The legend of Shock Cinema, here at Harry's humble home for homos? Fantastical! Splendid reviews, of course.
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