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Weep for those that attended HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES!
Hey folks, Harry here with a couple of reviews of HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES, a supremely unimpressive film of little note. I can only recommend this film as a curiousity, but not as a film. There are some odd quirks here and there, but for heaven's sake, don't pay full price to see this thing, unless you are very very very fucked up at the time, and then... only maybe. Here ya go...
Hi, Harry. I caught a midnight screening of
the new Rob Zombie flick, and have just a
thought or two.
Two questions have been on my mind for the longest
regarding HOUSE OF 1K: How is Rob Zombie as a
director, and exactly what level of violence are we
talking about? As anyone who knows about it can tell
you, numerous trips to the editing room had to be made
to appease the M.P.A.A., which just can't put up with
gore, and the film was at one point considered too
"disturbing" or "shocking" -- I forget which, probably
both; neither apply -- to even find a distributor.
Hence, all the delays, and a rumored straight-to-video
fate. So, now that Lion's Gate has stepped up, what
are we left with?
Well. Dung, frankly. If I never have to see Michael
J. Pollard in the movies again, it will be too soon.
But, I shan't be sidetracked. A car full of teens
pulls over for gas at a place called Capt. SpauldingÃs
Museum of Monsters (which also sells fried chicken..
you following?), take a "death ride", want to visit
the famous Doctor Satan murder site, wander off into
the boonies and run slam-bang into a family of sick
twists who proceed to torture and kill them. Oh, the
fun.
Zombie is obviously trying to give us a throwback to
Hershel Gordon Lewis, with the terrible acting, camp
dialogue, profuse bloodshed, et. al. He takes it a
step further by tossing in perverted imagery every
other scene, and a score that keeps making the film
act like it's driving toward something really, really
insidious. But, we never get there. CORPSES, in its
current state, doesn't have the balls to be truly
exploitive or gruesome. It doesn't push the envelope
on movie violence. At all. And, since that would
seem to be the sole reason for its existence, the film
better have something more going on than leaving us in
the company of unsavory local serial killer-types all
dressed up for "the simple pleasures of Halloween",
doing ritualistic shit.
Nope. A couple of times the film threatens to get
nasty; i.e. the "fish boy" sequence. And, a scalping
scene. But, far too much of the brutality has been
excised. The film runs a spare 88-minutes. Yes, it's
a definite R, and the NC-17 DVD version will
inevitably show more. But, getting away from the gore
factor just a moment: above all, the film is
incredibly dull. I wasn't disturbed or shocked; ten
seconds of JEEPERS CREEPERS was more unnerving. I
didn't go in looking for character development or
Shakespearean nuance, but I didnÃt want to be bored,
either.
Good use of music (including Zombie's own score), and
haunted house-esque sets. I could see the film
playing better, maybe, had it opened last October 31
like it was supposed to, but now? Now, it's like...
whatever.
The End? God, I hope so. you read his review of PHONE BOOTH, now he's endured HOATC...
hi harry
well what can i say? after feeling completely satisfied watching phonebooth i decided to give rob zombies so called horror-fest a shot. "the most shocking tale of carnage ever seen" was the tag, so naturally i expected gore a plenty and the claret to flow! what i got though was the worst piece of crap ever! it was laughable! was that the intention? i don't know but funny it was!
the story well, what story there was, was a blatant texas chainsaw rip-off, the acting extremely cheesing and as for the "carnage" well i have seen more carnage at a kindergarden! what was rob zombie thinking? did he honestly think that he was gonna revolutionise the horror industry? no wonder no studio wanted to distribute his movie. they obviously saw it for the turkey it was! the film was written and directed by the zombie man himself, his camera direction wasn't that bad and the use of negative picture images worked quite well, but there is no way he should've opened up and admitted he wrote it. im sure that if there are any rob zombie fans out there that have seen this movie they would have to agree...........it was shite!
there is one scene in the movie when a cop is on his knees with a gun to his head held by the bad guy, the camera pans back for a long distance shot and holds. 30 seconds later the cop is still there with the bad guy holding the gun...........another 30 seconds.............still on the same shot, zero movement.........is this supposed to be suspense? come on shoot the fucker..........after what seemed to be a life time the dude finally pulls the trigger and we have a dead cop! hurrah hurrah! it only took nearly two minutes yawn!
all in all everything about this movie sucked! it seemed more like a 90 min music vid than a horror movie..........do yourself a favour steer well clear...........if you wanna see some thing really scary watch plan 9 from outer space instead!
squifster
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+ Expand All
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Yeah, I pretty much expectied this movie to be horrible.
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Sounds woeful. Stick to music Rob.
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Mar 25, 2003 3:36:54 AM CST
Did Harry devour Nick from Chud. The site has dissapeared.
by zod_is_back
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I'm still gonna see it. I've followed the film's journey for 2 years now being a Zombie fan. But I've never expected it to be anything more than ridiculous.
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bad director, bad musician, bad artist. Get the fuck out you hack. I am sick of these wanna be filmmakers taking up the spots of real talent. Sean Yesult and Jay Yunger should be thanking their lucky stars Rob went solo.
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The simple fact that you actually WATCHED Jeepers Creepers at all is what disturbs me the most :)
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Yes it's true, this movie is absolutely horrible. This is the worst Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip off ever. Thats all this movie really is. A group of teen's car breaks down and are taken to a house with a crazy ass family that likes to kill. Even one of the characters in this movie resembles a character in TCM. Zombie promised alot for this movie and all the news regarding it was all hype. Dont waste your money in theatres or wherever this movie is released. If you refuse to believe me, just check kazaa.
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But a prime specimen for my sucky movies collection. I hope it's as bad as they say. My last keeper in this department was "13 Ghosts". That film made me want to kill.
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how bad this movie is. I was, at the very least, expecting a competent film from Rob Zombie because he loves the horror genre so much. Once this film is released, his own fans will be let down, but moreover, fans of horror movies will have to suffer that another big time movie shot itself in the foot, and makes the horror genre look like total shit, when Lions Gate decides to release this piece of shit instead of MAY. They should be ashamed of themselves. I enjoy bad movies as well, films like JACK FROST, STAYING ALIVE, etc., but this is a film so bad you will not even want to watch, not even if you're a cynic. If it were to go straight-to-video I think that would be far too nice, and for the record, the crowd I saw it with booed it to no end, and not a one person was able to leave either. Oh, and Butt-Numb-a-Thon owns your asses!!
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I'll admit, Rob Z. lost me with that last "disco" record he came out with, but I've been looking forward to this flick and the soundtrack!
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..bad everybody says it is, I
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Are just desperate for something good to say about this heap of garbage. There will be small pockets of fans who will bend over backwards not to slam this shit pile but the truth is Rob Zombie should be embarrassed to try and pass this off as a real film. I expect some fans that are in denial will say "well, it gets better the more you watch it" or "I think I kind of liked it" but no, it sucks. It really sucks.
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WHERE HAS IT GONE?????
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Like "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" rather than "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1"? sk
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Hey dudes, i just got done downloading and wayching "house..." and i got to say, u all are so wrong. The movie isnt suposed to be this masterpiece of horror, it was made to be goofy, and campy, and it realy fits in well with all the shitty old 70 horror films, like it was made to be. So lighten up...its only horror =)
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Anything that gets as much hype and build up HOTC can't be all that it supposed to be. It's happened before it will happen again. Frankly I'm not surprised it's crap. Over a year ago I saw Rob Zombie in concert during his "Merry Mayhem" tour with Ozzy Osbourne. He performed HOTC from "Sinister Urge" while a jumbotron showed us quick cuts of the film. I thought it looked pretty piss poor and pathetic at that time and that was seeing the film in five to ten second snippets. Rob Zombie puts on a killer live show, and makes some pretty interesting music videos though. Maybe he should stick to that instead.
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So of course HO1KC has a couple of "all right-ish" moments. And I don't think the "camp" angle is the ready excuse for this flick. It doesn't even work on that level. But if it does for others, more power to 'em.
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I saw this movie in its "entirety" (4 or 5 shots were unprocessed) at a screening in Los Angeles a couple of years ago, and I can truly say that with all of the gore back in it isn't any better. More gruesome and disturbing, yes. Better? No. Now, I'm a horror movie fan. I love genre flicks both big and small. This film marks the first time that I felt the violence was truly gratuitous. It was there to try and hide the fact that you were watching a really weak story. I mean, I wasn't expecting Citizen Kane, but when you push the envelope to disturb me without any substance you insult my intelligence and the intelligence of all horror films before you. AND since there's nothing here worth fighing for aside from the violence, you give the MPAA more much needed fuel for their anti-horror fire, which is like an eternal flame that always seems to ALMOST go out just before it roars anew.
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So, after all the articles on this site, all the TB bull-shit, all the back n' forth about Rob Zombie's crusade to have this movie made... After all that, a couple bad reviews come in. Suddenly, a whole shit-load of you all are jumping on the 'it sucks' bandwagon. For fuck's sake people, we've been talking about this movie too much NOT to see it. Good or bad, it's gonna hit a lot of movie + video screens, + I expect everyone in this TB is gonna see it. Anyone who expects this to be little more than a 90-minute Rob Zombie music video most likely had some similar expectations for 'Glitter' or 'Crossroads.' You will see this movie- I know you will. Out.
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Zombie puts on a hell of a concert and I seriously thought he would make a wicked movie. Guess not. I'll still see this (mainly because I'm a gore whore and have to see every single genre effort to hit the screen) but I'm sure it won't live up to the hype.
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I saw Dreamcatcher. Blech!
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It's basically an homage to THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE ( although not as funny ). I thought the direction was pretty good with a couple of cool scenes ( the long pause where the young deputy gets shot and the resulting richochet springs to mind ). It's not for everyone and yes there is a lack of gore but i recommend you give it a try.
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As in, completely unrecognizable from the full version, and, therefore, there's hope that the uncut "Braindead" version of 1000 Corpses won't be completely useless? Because the (R) Dead Alive and Braindead are two compleeeetely different movies, the former being a jumbled nonsensical mess and the latter being Zombie Genius (or, to be more acurate, a biting political satire/allegore-y >cough< dressed up as a romantic comedy, with zombie complications). If there's anyone who's seen ALL of the following: 1) Braindead, 2) the R-rated Dead Alive, and 3) current cut of House of a 1,000 Corpses ...PLEASE give your measured educated opinion. Harry, maybe?
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this is why it has been picked up and dropped by every studio known to god or man.
no amount of fixing will help this piece of crap. rob zombie is no director and I laugh at the morons who poured money into this absolutely CRAP FILM. rob zombie is not tobe hooper back in the day, nor is he even close to herschell gordon lewis. stick to singing? or whatever it is you do and leave the great filmmaking to the guy who did WRONG TURN. whoops, bad joke. because that sucks too. -
rob zombie is about as underground and goth as marilyn manson, who i believe had a song on the "not another teen movie" soundtrack. i also belive rob zombie's latest chart topper "never gonna stop" has been adopted by multiple wwf wrestlers as their opening song. super.
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Can Zombie's movie possibly be as bad as, say, GHOST SHIP? I saw a real beaut today, by the way, called CHRISTINA'S HOUSE. A straight-to-video, Canadian-made job starring John Savage (!) and Brendan Fehr from FINAL DESTINATION. $5.88 at Wal-Mart. About as bad as it gets, but redeemed in part by an early bathtub scene featuring a nice shot of the nubile blonde lead's titties. Played by some nonactress named Alison Lange, I think.
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Mar 25, 2003 10:47:18 PM CST
Rob Zombie is the sexiest tomboy beanpole on the planet.
by rj fletcher
This movie has been on the shelf so long that the Twinkies that were next to it expired....
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Well, actually I liked the first 20 minutes. After that, it's just derivitive garbage with not-fun gore and loud Zombie music. It's almost artsy, which I so don't need in my horror movies. Avoid at all costs, unfortunately.
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This could be the funniest rock-star-created horror flick since Dee Snider's hilarious piece of crap. I'm eagerly awaiting it!!!!
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Mar 27, 2003 1:21:45 AM CST
Anyone know where i can get a copy of "night of the dawn of the.
by mrkittles20
Oh man I just got done watching 28 days later and began thinking about how it stacked up against the great zombie movies I've seen then I realized none of them stack up to that great cult classic "Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Son of the Bride of the Return of the Revenge of the Terror of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien, Flesh-eating, Hellbound, Crawling, Zombified, Living Dead: Part II (In Shocking 2-D)" then I thought FUCK I'm never ever gonna get to see that movie again because it's not on ebay or half.com or kazaa so does anyone know a site where I could buy a copy? Hopefully this talkback isnt dead just yet and writing out that incredibly long title wont go unnoticed
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the first clue that this movie was going to be shitty: written and directed by rob zombie. rob zombie, for fuck's sake! there was never any hope.
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Yes, child molester Victor Salva directed Jeepers Creepers, as well as a much better film called Powder. Powder is creepier, in a way, because it has a lot of loving camerawork panning over teen boy bodies. But...Powder rocks.
I must say the 1000 Corpses was definitely superior to Jeepers Creepers, but it was still very bland and average. I also saw Jackass on DVD this week, and found it harder to take than either film. I actually couldn't bear to watch the self-inflicted paper-cut-on-the-tongue in Jackass. Much, much more disturbing than the really very typical antics of 1000 Corpses. -
Yes, child molester Victor Salva directed Jeepers Creepers, as well as a much better film called Powder. Powder is creepier, in a way, because it has a lot of loving camerawork panning over teen boy bodies. But...Powder rocks.
I must say the 1000 Corpses was definitely superior to Jeepers Creepers, but it was still very bland and average. I also saw Jackass on DVD this week, and found it harder to take than either film. I actually couldn't bear to watch the self-inflicted paper-cut-on-the-tongue in Jackass. Much, much more disturbing than the really very typical antics of 1000 Corpses. -
Yes, child molester Victor Salva directed Jeepers Creepers, as well as a much better film called Powder. Powder is creepier, in a way, because it has a lot of loving camerawork panning over teen boy bodies. But...Powder rocks.
I must say the 1000 Corpses was definitely superior to Jeepers Creepers, but it was still very bland and average. I also saw Jackass on DVD this week, and found it harder to take than either film. I actually couldn't bear to watch the self-inflicted paper-cut-on-the-tongue in Jackass. Much, much more disturbing than the really very typical antics of 1000 Corpses. -
Get over yourselves!
Fuck!
I went into this film with fresh eyes. While unintentional, I had not seen a single trailer nor heard any feedback on this film whatsoever. All I knew was the impression I got from the soundtrack CD that I had seen in a local store.
Not really my cup of tea... but probably a solid B-grade horror flick to watch while under the influence!
And so I watched it last night, after buying the DVD (please release an unrated edition!)
All I can say is thank God for Lion's Gate!
Not only have they given me Rules Of Attraction (which, despite receiving worse reviews than Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever, blew me away with its innovation, and rapidly became one of my faves!), but now they have done it again with House Of 1000 Corpses.
And the comparison to Rules is not limited to the distributor... I found both films to nourish almost all of my tastes by the end! Rarely have I seen more personally satisfying films than these two.
For the life of me, I cannot understand why people are so harsh on this film!
If it is solely attributable to inflated expectations, then whose fucking fault is that?
Stop watching the fucking trailers and jerking off on the net about how great a film is going to be and hold judgement until you have actually seen it!
Ever since the tragic disappointment that was Spiderman (largely due to another fine waste of a score from Elfman... what happened dude?), I have never allowed myself to have an orgasm over a trailer since... and I have found that I have enjoyed more films this year alone that I have in the past five. Are they better quality? Or was it just that I put a lid on my excitement?
Admittedly, I am one who can easily be dazzled by eye candy in a film, in terms of both style and chicky-babes!
This film had it all!
Sure, it is derivative. And sure it is morally ambiguous. But with all the saccharine blockbuster shit out there, I love seeing a flick that celebrates the bad guys!
And as for the examples given of what makes this film so bad, they seem to be the scenes I remember the most! The extended, silent 'Sherriff' scene leaving a huge smile on my face!
So what makes your opinion right and mine wrong?
NOTHING! If you don't like it... that is your taste.
Why dissuade others from allowing themselves to form their own opinion?
I am proud to be in the minority group of people who think this film is fabulous!
From the shallow depths of my armchair, this humble critic gives The House Of 1000 Corpses the big thumbs up!
- Critic out.
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