Movie News

What The Hell Is Moriarty Doing In Mexico?!

Published at: Oct. 14, 2008, 5:18 p.m. CST by Moriarty

Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

Well, aside from picking up a few shifts at the Donkey Show to pay for my ticket, that's a good question.

Last week, I didn't realize there was some sort of race to get a reality film onscreen. Now, in the wee small hours of Saturday morning, I'm suddenly reading about Universal's spring break movie and New Line's spring break movie and MGM's spring break movie, and I find myself packing to leave in just a few hours so I can spend the next four days in Cancun, where I'm going to try to sort out exactly what these movies are and what makes any of them different.

Yeah... that's right. Cancun.

It's difficult work, and no one wanted the assignment, so I figured I'd step in and take this one for the team. I'm going to try to suffer through the horror of one of Mexico's most famous resorts just so I can share the story with you guys. Please... pray for me.

And if you're in Cancun and you want to get in touch with the Professor, you can try me at the Ritz-Carlton, where I'll be registered, as always, under my code name: "Drew McWeeny."

After I leave Mexico, I'm going on a spy mission so secret that I can't even hint as to which hemisphere I'll be in. Just suffice it to say that if you're trying to get hold of me and can't, I'll be back in Los Angeles by Sunday morning, and I'll look forward to talking to you then.

"Moriarty" out.





Readers Talkback

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  • March 22, 2003, 5:33 a.m. CST

    He's in Mexico to.......

    by Xphile69

    ....see a Donkey Show!! Why else would anyone what to go there?!?

  • March 22, 2003, 5:33 a.m. CST

    Why Mori you sly devil you...

    by Uncle_Les

    Have a fun vacation, ya deserve one (as opposed to me). Peace Out.

  • March 22, 2003, 5:37 a.m. CST

    by madmikeb

    I'm a camera guy who was offered the Universal movie in Cancun, so I am guessing that Moriarty will be running into that production whilst down there.

  • March 22, 2003, 5:51 a.m. CST

    El Camino

    by Tenacious Pimp

    Well, did you get one of those for a rental instead of a Chrysler?

  • March 22, 2003, 6:03 a.m. CST

    better round up the corn husks

    by ChickenGeorgeVII

    Mori, south of the border, can mean only one thing....REVOLUTION! VIVA MORI!!!!! I'LL BRING THE GUNS AND LAWYERS!!!! MAKE SURE YOU HAVE PLENTY OF YOUNG SUPPLE FEMALE TROOPS IN BIKINIS! THEM PINKO RESORT SPRING BREAKERS WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT 'EM! THEN WE WILL CARRY 590 POUNDS OF HASHISH ACROSS THE RIO GRANDE AND CELEBRATE WITH 40 GALLONS OF TAMALES AND 672 NAKED WARRIOR BREASTS!!!! VIVA MORI!...And thus, Bush has got me in a war mood! - - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!

  • March 22, 2003, 6:13 a.m. CST

    Stab in the dark, but...

    by Cash Bailey

    You wouldn't, by any chance, be on the set of CLUB DREAD, would you?

  • March 22, 2003, 8:44 a.m. CST

    He's actually going to Cancun to participate the filming of thre

    by CoolDan989

  • March 22, 2003, 8:49 a.m. CST

    They shoot Donkies, don't they?

    by nottoo

    ...or is that horses? At any rate, don't drink the water and enjoy yourself. May Montazuma's revenge stay far, far away from you. This reality movie schtick has been flying around for a while now. Just what we need, a movie about real young women with unreal fake boobs. Yikes! Just a woman's view. Cheers, bonnie Kate.

  • March 22, 2003, 11:25 a.m. CST

    Oh yeah baby...

    by Mr. Tourette's

    ...you chug that asscock. What? Ass means donkey.

  • March 22, 2003, 12:02 p.m. CST

    please let him stay there.

    by GoodShoe

    Come on, don't bring him back, tell him you lost his ticket or something like that

  • March 22, 2003, 12:53 p.m. CST

    Cancun's overrated

    by KatieScarlett

    And those all inclusive resorts just shield tourists from the reality of what the country's like. That's my opinion though. (I find San Cristobal de las Casas and Chiapas more appealing because they haven't been ruined by the mass commercialization by that the tourism machine monster). At any rate, I hope you enjoy your vacation in a tourist friendly setting!

  • March 22, 2003, 1:22 p.m. CST

    Mori's Mexico Vacation, or "How Mori shit himself to death"

    by Uncle Sam

    Seriously, man, don't drink the water, and don't even use their icecubes. Or else your asshole will burn like the opening of "Bonanza". - I WANT YOU, but not in that way.

  • March 22, 2003, 1:54 p.m. CST

    Oh dear God no, reality movies

    by 007-11

    Who gives a rat's ass about a bunch of stupid college kids getting drunk off their ass and fucking everything in sight? If I want to see that all I have to do is go to a party.

  • March 22, 2003, 2:55 p.m. CST

    I implore you to see some Mayan ruins. Remember to partake in we

    by beamish13

    It's the most won-der-ful time of the yeeeeeeear!

  • Duh, which way did they go, George, which way did they go?

  • March 22, 2003, 3:11 p.m. CST

    Two things:

    by Noriko Takaya

    Don't drink the water and don't breate the air!!

  • March 22, 2003, 3:19 p.m. CST

    Always wear sunblock.

    by SamWave

    And watch out for cactuses.

  • March 22, 2003, 3:48 p.m. CST

    Batman Frightening

    by Hollo

    The script is all over the place, check it out here: http://www.superherohype.com/cgi-bin/news/batman.cgi?newsid1048198639,77164,

  • March 22, 2003, 6:10 p.m. CST

    Just the sort of thing everyone's dying to know more about

    by Son Of Batboy

    Spring break movies. And I thought the Garfield piece was weak.

  • March 22, 2003, 7:48 p.m. CST

    Yeah, its called Mori Gone Wild.....

    by Manaqua

    ..show us those glorious breasts you blessed bastard.......

  • March 22, 2003, 10:29 p.m. CST

    my buddy went to Cancun twice and he said its mad pussy

    by Tall_Boy

    go Drew!

  • March 24, 2003, 11:37 a.m. CST

    pathetic hillbillies

    by mr_lopez

    How many of you racist hillbillies have even visited another state? It's sad and pathetic to hear all these racial slurs coming from idiots who are just angry that they will never visit a beautiful beach resort. Don't be jealous of Moriarty. Also, Mexicans have discovered this wonderful innovation known as the automobile, therefore the only person you see mounting a donkey is your typical drunk white tourist who tries to climb on for a picture and ends up falling in a pile of shit. Have a great day my white friends :) and please do your laundry I'm sick of seeing all these dirty little kids whose parents are more concerned with Nascar then the hygiene of their child.