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Zide/Perry... They Do Sequels Right! Moriarty Reviews AMERICAN WEDDING Script and FINAL DESTINATION 2!!

Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

The guys over at Zide/Perry and I have crossed paths many times over the last few years, and I’ve always walked away with a generally good impression of them. Warren Zide is hilarious, just a few degrees away from the cartoon image of a producer/manager, but behind the Hollywood smooth he wears like a suit, he’s an intelligent guy who seems to genuinely take care of his friends and clients. Craig Perry is all enthusiasm, and my one real conversation with him was a great one, marked by the energy he brings to each and every thing he works on.

In the last few days, I’ve had an opportunity to see one sequel they produced and read the script for another, and it’s interesting to see how they’ve approached these follow-ups to successes of varying degree. AMERICAN PIE, for example, was really the project that put them on the map, and the first sequel to it was tepid, a fairly naked attempt to cash in on the chemistry of the first. The only thing that saved it was the way certain performers simply stood out like Alyson Hannigan and Jason Biggs. They made the most of every moment they were given and actually made some of the film work. FINAL DESTINATION is a film I didn’t quite like, a great concept with some good scenes that was hampered by a cast I actively disliked. It felt wrong to root for Death to win, but when it’s Death or Devon Sawa, I think the choice is simple.

Today, I’m going to look at how these two new projects of theirs expand and enhance the films that they’re following up, and we’ll see what the State of the Union is for the guys who just signed up to bring you METROID in the near future...


I’m sure this script has gone through various drafts in the last few months. I read one from October by Adam Herz, and my first reaction to it was, “That was sweet.” And I don’t mean that in the slang version of “sweet,” either. I mean there’s a real heart to this, and if this turns out to be the last of the AMERICAN PIE films, then there’s a good chance they’ll close things out on a high note.

This time out, the film opens with a twist on the way the first two films started. Typically, Jim (Jason Biggs) finds himself cornered in an embarrassing sexual situation by his well-intentioned Dad (Eugene Levy), but this time out, it’s the other way around. Jim is trying to propose marriage to Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) and ends up stumbling across a one-way ticket to lifetime therapy, his parents in the middle of incredibly vigorous sex. It’s a funny scene, and it’s a chance for Biggs and Levy to reverse roles in a way that should allow both of them to shine.

The storyline is incredibly simple, and at the risk of being crude, I’d sum it up like this: the pie fucker marries the flute fucker, and Stifler throws the bachelor party. Several characters have either been written out or marginalized (Chris Klein and Mena Suvari are off in Europe for most of the film, Tara Reid and Natasha Lyonne are simply gone, and Thomas Ian Nichols is underwritten to the point that he might as well not be in the film), but that’s a good thing. It allows the script to focus on the dynamics that work best. Finch and Stifler step up their antagonism this time as they find themselves competing for the affections of Cadence, Michelle’s sister. I don’t know who they’ve cast as Cadence, but she needs to be a mega-honey if she’s going to be convincing as Michelle’s sister. Hannigan has that rare mix of Disney heroine-cuteness and grown-up sex appeal that has only gotten more pronounced over the last few years, and making her one of the film’s main characters is the single smartest thing about the film. It’s also great that there’s no wager or agreement or pact to fuel the film. The one time Kevin brings it up, the others shout him down and tell him to shut up. Instead, the threat here is that Jim simply isn’t mature enough and capable enough to give Michelle the wedding she wants, the one he feels like she deserves.

That’s a very real fear, too. I came very close to getting married once (and there are days I thank God himself for reaching down and putting a cataclysmic stop to things), and just the gearing up to it was exhausting. Left to my own devices, I’d plan a full tank of gas, nice weather in Vegas, and a phone call afterwards to the folks to let them know. That doesn’t fly with most girls, though, and it’s because of the incredible importance placed on a wedding their whole lives. As Michelle puts it, “It’s this one day... one day where every eye is on me for a change, and I’m all pure and beautiful. Don’t get me wrong. I kinda like being the quirky nympho chick. But... well... I’ve never walked into a room and had everyone go ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ and ‘isn’t she elegant!?’” Jim promises to give her just exactly that, and then spends the rest of the film trying to overcome his omnipresent bad luck and make it happen.

Have no fear, though... the film’s raunch factor is enormous, even with all this sweetness going on. Stifler’s version of a bachelor party is pretty unbelievable, and wait until you see why Finch can now call Stifler a “grandmotherfucker” with impunity. Pubes on a wedding cake, the search for Leslie Summers, Stifler’s dancing skills, and Michelle’s mother’s love for chocolate truffles are just a few of the more outrageous elements along the way, and I hear they’ve done a lot of punch-up work since this draft.

Long story short, this is the model of how to learn from what worked in the first film and didn’t work in the second film, and Jesse Dylan (HOW HIGH) just needs to create the right atmosphere for these actors to really let loose. Just as marriage is a major step into a new life for young people, this film could serve as a great conclusion for these characters and set this cast free to pursue other interests in the years to come.


Okay... before you even begin to wallpaper the TalkBacks with it... yes, I know that many of you don’t like the “breaking glass” sound effect on the FD2 banner ads we’ve been running. If you write New Line and you don’t sound like a barking asshole, your voice will no doubt be heard. I don’t have anything to do with that, though, so please stop yelling at me.

I’m also aware that many of you have trouble with the concept that I could give a fair review to something advertised here on the site. Remember those SIMONE banner ads? Remember me naming it one of the worst films of the year? Remember Harry peeing on STAR TREK: NEMESIS right under the ads for that? Our advertisers deal with our webmaster, not with us, and that’s the way we like it. We’re free to write whatever we want, as we need to be. New Line doesn’t care what I write on this site as long as I’m fair, and I always have been. They make good films and they make bad films, and in this case... they made a pretty darn good one.

Director David Ellis is one of those guys you might not know... but you should. You know his work. This summer, when you’re sitting wide-eyed in the movie theater, jaw on the floor, trying to process the car chase in THE MATRIX RELOADED, keep in mind that Ellis was the second-unit guy who put that together. He’s an expert stunt director, and a quick glance at what he’s done over the years (the “killing box” sequence in CLEAR & PRESENT DANGER, among others) reveals a guy who is able to coordinate chaos.

Can’t think of a better choice for this film.

FINAL DESTINATION 2 picks up exactly a year after the end of the first film, and thankfully Devon Sawa is already dead. True, I would have taken great delight in watching Mr. Puffy catch a stray brick in the head, but this film’s loss was EXTREME OPS’s gain. Instead, we start with Kimberly, played by the adorable A.J. Cook. She watches some of the anniversary footage of Flight 180, and it freaks her out a bit as she prepares to leave on a road trip with some friends. She’s not prepared for what happens when she actually gets out onto the freeway, though. If you’ve seen the first film, then you remember how the plane crash was handled. There was a massive fake-out, the audience is led to believe something has actually happened, and then we learn it was all just a vision. Kimberly has the same sort of premonition here, and what we see is one of the most harrowing car crashe pile-ups ever staged for a movie. There’s some of it that should make anyone who went to BNAT 4 this year howl in recognition, as it seems to be lifted shot-for-shot from NIGHT WARNING, but this goes so much further and is so incredibly visceral that even if you’re a gore fan, it may shake you.

Oh, yeah... I guess we should address the gore issue right now. If you like gore... if you’re a fan of make-up effects and extreme imagery... then FINAL DESTINATION 2 is a fanboy’s dream come true. If you’re not into graphic up-close fantasy violence, then stay away, because that’s pretty much the reason this film exists. You see, Kimberly manages to evade the car accident thanks to her vision, and she also keeps an entire on-ramp of cars from joining traffic. That means there’s a whole group of people who are lifted out of Death’s design, and Kimberly’s actions set off a chain of events just as deadly as those in the first film, eventually leading her to seek out the help of Clear Rivers (Ali Larter), the only survivor from the original movie. One by one, they each confront their mortality in elaborate sequences designed to fake the audience out as many times as possible before delivering money shots that you won’t believe you saw. I found myself laughing out loud and even applauding twice at the sheer audacity of the film’s big sequences. This is the kind of movie you need to see with a huge crowd because the fun is infectious. You’ll end up cheering right along with your friends at each new atrocity, and you won’t even feel guilty about it afterwards.

This film is an improvement over the original in pretty much every way. Ellis has a much more confident eye as a director than James Wong did, and the script by Eric Bress and J. Mackye Gruber obviously impressed the studio so much they let the writers direct their own script for THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT. It takes the preposterous premise of the first film and twists it just enough that it makes sense for this sequel to take place. It also plays dirty. No one is safe in this film. They kill characters you don’t think they can possibly kill, and they do it with a certain amount of glee. The result is a film that flies by, that will elicit major responses from the audience, and that delivers exactly what it promises. It’s a winning combination, and it makes me want to go all Joe Bob Briggs for a minute and say something like, “FINAL DESTINATION 2 is this year’s red-meat masterpiece, a boatload of gore that’s executed with real brains... and guts... and eyeballs and severed spines and all sorts of other organs, too.” If that sounds like your sort of movie, then I’ll bet you enjoy this weekend mightily.

This Friday night, I’m getting a glimpse at one of the biggest releases this spring, and I’m also working to finalize details of the next special AICN screening I’ll be hosting here in LA. Keep your eyes peeled for info on that and more in the next couple of days. Until then...

"Moriarty" out.

Readers Talkback
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  • Jan. 30, 2003, 7:14 a.m. CST

    dare I say I'm looking forward to both these films?

    by RogueScribner

    I'm a fan of the PIE movies and I loved the first FINAL DESTINATION. If Moriarty gives them a thumbs up then I'm there! Sawa or no Sawa. :) L8r

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 7:18 a.m. CST

    Sounds like they very wisely trimmed all of the fat from AMERICA

    by Cash Bailey

    Face it, the movies have only ever been about Jim, Jim's Dad, Michelle, Stiffler and Finch. The others would only get in the way and should be completely ignored to concentrate on the best characters.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Don't forget Nadia...

    by Monkey Lover

    She was a highlight of the first film... oooooooh... but in the second film she was a bit pointless. What I wanna know is are any of the background characters in this one, like the Shermanator and the MILF guy?

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 7:28 a.m. CST

    Don't forget Nadia...

    by Monkey Lover

    She was a highlight of the first film... oooooooh... but in the second film she was a bit pointless. What I wanna know is are any of the background characters in this one, like the Shermanator and the MILF guy?

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 7:41 a.m. CST

    Three Words for FINAL DESTINATION 2: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!

    by MentallyMariah

    I saw it tonight and I am a major horror fan...Lets just say It has been a long time since I have seen a movie that made me cover my eyes during the whole thing! THIS MOVIE FREAKED ME OUT!!! IT made Final One look like Lilo and Stitch! I felt like I was watching a big studio version of those BANNED IN AMERICAN tapes! Seriously folks, On Friday Night go see this with the crowd and you will be rewarded! This movie got the biggest applause, even bigger then New Lines other monster...THE TWO TOWERS..The crowd went NUTS!! I can't wait to unleash this beast on my unexpected buddies on Friday Night! This is THE TERMINATOR 2 of Horror flicks...Final 1 was a classic, this one just FUCKS YOU UP in a big way!!! AWESOME!!!!!!

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Loved the first one

    by Fearsme

    Great review, im eager to see this one. The first Final Destination is about as B-Movie fun as you get. Although i agree, Devon Sawa is like watching paint dry. But it was fun nonetheless. The second should be just as good. As for the American Pie movies, both were very funny flicks. I remember when the first one came out, and there's that one scene where Chris Klein was playing Lacross, and he leaves the game to go sing with Mena Suvari. I actually let out an audible "awwwwwwww". That would have been fine were i not 27 and a guy. I do believe that was the pussiest moment i ever had.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 9:31 a.m. CST

    Well, I think my money is probably more useful elsewhere

    by WeedyMcSmokey

    American Pie is alright I guess - but a third one? I didn't invest that much into these characters - oh, well at this point they're charicatures. The first Final Destination surprised me, becuase it was the unexpected sense of glee - and the coolness that comes from having a villan that was unseen. Maybe I'm getting older or something, but I'm just not as excited about seeing people perforated with flying car parts as I used to be. For my entertainment dollar, it's zoo animals losing it (or maybe becoming aware, who knows?) and going after their trainer. Or NASCAR crashes. NASCAR - ther slogan should be "We only go left."

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 9:44 a.m. CST

    January Jones

    by triad28

    apparently the girl who is going to play michelles sister is January Jones, she has had small parts in a few films and is also making an appearance and the sandler/Nicholson comedy "anger managment" here is a link to her filmography. she doesnt look like much of a babe to me!

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 9:45 a.m. CST


    by triad28,%20January%20(I)

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 10:07 a.m. CST

    Hmmm...still not sure about Final Destination 2.

    by Sod Off Baldric

    I thought it looked lame, but based on Mori's reaction I just may have to check it out. Of course, Moriarty was one of the guys on this site who was flipping out over Jason X and that sucked. Big time. Hmmm...anyway, as for Final Destination 2, I'll either wait for a matinee or a budget cinema showing.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 10:53 a.m. CST

    Did I read that right? Metroid???

    by TenDeuChen

    Metroid as in Nintendo's Metroid, or even more recently Metroid Prime(One of the best games ever)??? As in Samus Aran on the big screen? This could be AWESOME...As long as they don't get like three other "space marines" to accompany Samus in her fight and make it with just her exploring the world, to keep that sense of isolation, and that sense of having to backtrack, and getting powerups along the way...AND they should not show that Samus is a girl until the very end, and have her take off the helmet...wouldn't that be the coolest thing? If it is Metroid, then...Holy Frelling Dren! I can't wait!

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 10:56 a.m. CST

    is there

    by ZO

    ever an article u write where u don't defend yourself or call attention to what "good" you've done?

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 10:58 a.m. CST

    too much coffee

    by bobleeswagger

    Man, anyone think MentallyMariah liked it? down boy, down.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 11:16 a.m. CST

    You almost got married once?

    by Uga

    What was his name?

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 12:14 p.m. CST

    I miss Joe Bob.

    by mbeemer

    What is that fine connoisseur of bad film doing nowadays?

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 12:22 p.m. CST


    by WeedyMcSmokey

    Too many movies based on obscure video games. Just another awful trend - bleed it dry until Galaaga 2 makes $8 at the box office and they'll have drained the creative pond. Shit - we're becoming automotans out there - buy this! "OK". No time to extrapolate.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 1:02 p.m. CST

    American Pie 3

    by loc

    Man, I wish they named the movie American Pie 3 because American Wedding sounds kind of lame. Anyways, this movie is going to rock. I'm a big fan of both AP1 and AP2. And the only reason AP2 was better was because they decided to expand Stifler's character. This guy is the funniest to come out of a grossout movie since John Belushi in Animal House. I think he should stay doing comedies, I don't think he'll be as popular as an action star. You know what, they should make a franchise on the character of Stifler with the first one named The Steifmeister: Rise of the Cocks

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 1:05 p.m. CST

    No, IBelieveClarence, you'd probably just fuck someone else's di

    by IAmJacksUserID

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 1:30 p.m. CST

    Video Game movies have their place

    by Horatio Alger

    Most video game movies that come out are fucking terrible, but it's because they don't do them right, they either sensationalize cool games and try to force characters into action. Or they pick candy ass games that aren't meant for the screen (Mario Bros.) But there are games that would make a great movie. I played this game for Nintendo called Goonies that was pretty cool, and I have a game for my 2600 called The Empire Strikes Back or something like that, that could be a movie.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 1:35 p.m. CST

    But can their bachelor party beat my friend's?

    by RenoNevada2000

    Two strippers 69-ing on a pool table while the stripper giving my buddy a lap dance turns to me and says "Don't I know you from somewhere?" Best. Party. Ever.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 1:36 p.m. CST

    Bionic Commando

    by Homer Fong

    Someone should make a movie version of Bionic Commando, that would be awesome. He has to rescue Super Joe and he has the retractable claw arm. That game has spies, violence and all sorts of cool shit.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 2:07 p.m. CST

    Hey Mori, what's so bad about Devon Sawa?

    by Tarl_Cabot

    I thought he was a breath of fresh air. He was playing a teenager and he was believable. So many movies about highschool star pretty boys 25 years old or over. Anyway, I look forward to FD2. Great job as usual Mori...

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Hey Mori, what's so bad about Devon Sawa?

    by Tarl_Cabot

    I thought he was a breath of fresh air. He was playing a teenager and he was believable. So many movies about highschool star pretty boys 25 years old or over. Anyway, I look forward to FD2. Great job as usual Mori...

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 2:09 p.m. CST

    Deez Movezz...

    by ShooterMctanktop

    I actually like the American Pie movies quite a bit. I think they have a lot more heart than most of the raunch movies out there. As far as final destination goes...let's put it this way, all of the sudden Kangaroo Jack doesn't look half bad.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 2:41 p.m. CST

    FD2 - it is that good

    by Tom Whitaker

    Gotta go with everything he said on FD2 - it's a riot. FD1 never really did it for me - even the bus scene was kind of dimished by the way they flagged the bus' arrival up needlessly... still, the sequel makes up for every one of the original's flaws - it is a MUCH better film, thus cheering your saturday night and blasting Terminator/Godfather/Aliens from those god-awful 'name a sequel that beats the original' conversations. Here's a sequel that pisses all over the original. And it's mum.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 2:58 p.m. CST

    Final Destination 2

    by Ghostface180

    I saw a preview screening of Final Destination 2, and I totally agree with Moriarty. I think its just as good as the original. While it lacks the first movies dark and creepy atmosphere, it makes up for it in gore, twists, and fun. At the screening I was at, the crowd went wild after every death scene, and there was huge applause at the end of the movie. The only things I didn't like about the movie were the score (very light, and almost comedic) and Tony Todd's cameo (his purpose is basically to crack jokes about death). I plan on seeing this again tommorrow night.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 3 p.m. CST

    my FD2 review

    by IamMacGuffin

    for comparison's sake, here was my take on FD2 from almost six months ago:

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 3:33 p.m. CST

    Metroid will suck

    by JackLint

    Anybody who knows anything about video games knows that the Metroid series is one of the best. Multiple publications like EGM, IGN, NextGen unanimously voted Super Metroid being the best game ever made. How can you possibly do that justice? Alex Proyas' commercial was pretty impressive, but unfortunetly the movie will probably be just another Resident Evil. Nothing would make me happier than a kick ass Metroid movie, but it'll never happen. Another one I always wished for was a great Castlevania movie - and Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust was pretty damn close.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 5:56 p.m. CST

    We caused a RIFT in DEATH'S DESIGN!!

    by Godardwhowhatnow

    Yeah, I know, making fun of over-the-top trailer quotes is probably getting really old now, but come on- who wouldn't pay $7.50 to see her violently bite it? I hope the scary magical tree-hands get her.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 5:57 p.m. CST

    Who wants to get married at 23 anyway?

    by WeedyMcSmokey

    I think I'll continue to bang endless hotties with my 11" pole and leave before the wet spot is dry. Dear God, I'm delusional.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 6:24 p.m. CST

    You Almost Got Married, Mori? Who Was the Lucky Guy?

    by hipcheck13

    FD 2 sucked, by the way - terrible, terrible film.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 6:31 p.m. CST

    I`m glad Finch is back, he was the best character anyway.

    by Elgyn6655321

    Reminds me of a guy I knew in high-school.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 6:40 p.m. CST

    Sideshow: You might want to try using your wiener

    by WeedyMcSmokey

    I think I just doubled that order of fucking clown shoes...

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 7:11 p.m. CST

    Return of the Mack - The Dolph Lundgren Story Part III

    by Playhouse

    I'm laughing.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 8:28 p.m. CST


    by Demosthenes2

    Yes, we must respect David Ellis. How can you not respect the director of Homeward Bound II? Yeah, that was unfair, but it's weird to see two very different very genre sequels spearheaded by the same dude.

  • Instead we'll get a cheesy "some marines and a chick in a robot suit land on a distant planet and blow up some aliens" film. Really, why would someone want to make a Metroid movie? It would require a huge budget, have minimal dialogue and just wouldn't be marketable.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 9:43 p.m. CST

    Moriarty: The Quotemaster

    by Ribbons

    Who are you kiddin, Drew, ol' buddy ol' pal? You're trying to get quoted, aintcha? AINTCHA?!! I understand perfectly. You could specialize. When DareDevil comes out, you could say "It's almost so good I want to pull a Gene Shalit and say 'DareDevil is devilishly good. It'll make you HORN-y for Ben Affleck. Michael Clarke Duncan is the KING of all actors. Colin Farrel's badass performance lands a BULLSEYE. Jen Garner is ELEKTRA-ifying. Joey Pants will BEN-d you over and smack your ass. What the HELL is wrong with you if you don't like this film. I DARE you not to like this film. It's such devilish fun, it's angelic. It would be a sin to miss this.'" And so on and so on. Then just kick back, light a stogie and wait for your words to adorn the boob tube. Then eat some deviled eggs and cackle like the devil.

  • Jan. 30, 2003, 10 p.m. CST


    by 81666

    i remember that movie you were talkign about with sisqo and keirsten dunst, it wasn't devon sawa though, it was some other nerd... and plus who could blame u for not remembering it had that 70's show chick in a bikini... i am sad, plus devon sawa is pretty cool .. idle hands was bad ass

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 12:08 a.m. CST

    On the subject of video game movies

    by Lobanhaki

    I've seen my share of bad video game movies. The common denominator, I feel is that they attempt to replicate the thrills of the video game. Don't. At least not on a literal level. If you want to get an idea of the problems of that, watch someone play video games. The player is participating in the game, and if the game is good, he or she is getting emotionally invested in it. Because of that, video games don't necessarily have to have a complex plot- the audience itself creates most of the story. Listen to a player brag about their exploits sometime. Minus that, It's boring. The spirit of the game is missing. Somebody who makes a movie based on a videogame must be willing to sacrice characters, set pieces, plotlines or whatever to capture the spirit of the design and the story in that movie. Otherwise, audience's experience will be like those who watch other people play the games. In other words, the spirit of the gameplay is what needs to be onscreen, not merely its look or popular characters.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 12:11 a.m. CST

    On Metroid

    by Lobanhaki

    Samus the woman and Samus the Cyborg Bounty hunter should be played as two characters, only bringing them together in the third act.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 12:25 a.m. CST

    American Suckers

    by cds

    American Pie was a terrible script which produced a terrible, unfunny movie, which was unbelievably hyped into an event by a brilliant marketing campaign focusing on a moron fucking a pie, suckering in millions of morons who now actually believe they saw something funny. The sequel was worse, by far. 120 pages of blank paper would be an improvement.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 12:37 a.m. CST

    alyson hannigon....

    by uberbill

    she aint no bridgit moynahan..........

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 2:21 a.m. CST

    One of the Spring's big releases, huh?


    So... Moriarty... on Friday you'll "glimpse" a big Spring release... OH FUCK YES! If it's the hotel deal again, TAKE PICTURES! For all the disbelievers! You guys rule! NEO BREAKS OUT AND KILLS PEOPLE THEN PUTS ON SUNGLASSES AND FLIES AWAY. NEO IS SWEEEET. Now tell us how sweet he REALLY is. Woah. The W Bros. own GL AND PJ. TWO COOL BROTHERS ARE BETTER THAN TWO COOL GEEZERS. BOUND BEATS TESB AND FOTR WITH IT'S FLUSHED SAPPHIC PINKY. (I'm sorry, I really am. Trouble with the moderaters at another message board, it's 2:00 AM, I have HW due tom., and I'm a whiny ass all contributed. But I do hope Moriarty meant the Matrix. And if you ever find yourself at an innocent looking website about Ninjas at one in the morning while your speakers are fed a somehow soothing and familiar MIDI track, quickly proceed to the back button at the top of whatever your web browser.)

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 5:36 a.m. CST

    Re: One of the Spring's big releases, huh?


    So, if it's not Reloaded, it's gotta be either: Finding Nemo (cool) Shanghai Knights (could be cool) David Gale (good trailer...) Gods and Generals (not much hype, bad trailer- "God... God... God...etc.") Phone Booth (If it makes money, we might have a new director for Superman! Heh heh.) Identity (Harry liked the trailer, if I remember... it did seem interesting.) The Core (Moriarty's review would be the one billionth. Eh, if this IS the movie, maybe he'll clear up whether it's a satire or not.) Bulletproof Monk (I don't think the good doctor would bother with this one early.) X Squared (Let's hope so.) Bruce Almighty (Set in my hometown!) Dreamcatcher (The trailer's cinematography looks stunning, and it's based on a King book, directed by Lawrence Kasdan, one of Lucas's supposed 'golden crutches'. I'm more excited for the Osiris clip, though...) Daredevil (It comes out Valentine's Day, and still no word.) These are the biggies, I think... or at least the biggest of the biggies. Guess we find out this weekend. What a dumb post this was.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 9:10 a.m. CST


    by vicious_bastard

    Final Destination is a far better film than it gets credit for. A classic of the future. As for American Pie 1 and 2, their combined hilarity still pales next to Porky's. The pointless Shannen Elizabeth is 30 this year. If she hadn't revealed her charms so early on in her career, it might not be over so soon.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 11:08 a.m. CST

    Final Destination 2 Death scenes

    by jedislave has a few screen shots of some of the death scenes from Final destination 2. Those are some crazy death scenes. Go to the front page and click on the final destination 2 review link at it will take straight there.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 11:09 a.m. CST

    Final Destination 2 Death scenes

    by jedislave has a few screen shots of some of the death scenes from Final destination 2. Those are some crazy death scenes. Go to the front page and click on the final destination 2 review link at it will take straight there.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 11:15 a.m. CST

    Spoiler pics for final destination 2

    by badass Thay have about 6 pictures of some of the death scenes. Just gross stuff but hey take a look. You go into there main page and you will see a link to there reviews on the movie and you are there.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 12:51 p.m. CST

    re: BrassMonkey

    by Lord Shatner

    That "godawful movie" with Kirsten Dunst and Devon Sawa is called Get Over It, which I happened to catch on cable this week. I won't argue the merits of the movie, but Kirsten and Melissa Sagemiller looked awfully hot in those togas

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 12:57 p.m. CST

    Jeff - THANKS!!!

    by mbeemer

    I haven't visited in ages - the last time I was there it looked like it had gone defunct. I'll wade in there this weekend and catch up. I agree that Joe Bob writes a mean column - funny *and* insightful.

  • Jan. 31, 2003, 2:15 p.m. CST

    Bionic Commando

    by Autodidact

    I would like to agree with the above poster who suggested the need for a Bionic Commando movie. Yes, they need to make a Bionic Commando movie that ends with Hitler coming out of a suspended animation tank and getting his head blown apart. Best ending for a NES game evar!

  • Feb. 1, 2003, 2:56 a.m. CST

    Just saw FINAL DESTINATION 2...

    by Psyclops

    ...not bad. Loved that last shot, totally wicked and hysterical in all the wrong ways. The death scenes fucking rocked (the double whammey with the air bag and the barb wire fence left me giggling like a sadistic bastard). Tony Todd was the only one I felt bad for, totally useless cameo that could have been creepy and came off as just cornball (I kept expecting him to start cackling maniacally with lightning flashing in the background... in broad daylight). Still loved that last scene. Fucking loved it.

  • Feb. 2, 2003, 7:53 p.m. CST

    Destination 2 is a ride. That's it. (spoilers)

    by Jack Burton

    It has twists and shocks and when it's over you realize the plot holes are gargantuan. Still, it is worth seeing. I thought the first was much better, maybe becuase it was a fresh idea. After the reiteration about Death's Design, some pointless and ultimately nonsensical clues to "stop" death, the requisite "twist" to tie it all back to Flight 180, this movie is left with horrible dialogue, average acting, but also incredibly good action/death sequences. I haven't seen this level of gore in a Hollywood flick since the hey day of Freddy and Jason. The initial car wreck is worth the price of admission, and what comes right after lets you know what you are in for. This movie is sadistic, but a hell of a lot of fun. See it once, it's worth that much. And the ending is damn funny. (LARGE SPOILER QUESTIONS BELOW) Did anyone happen to catch if/when someone intervened to save the cop? Also, the kid at the end was saved by the coke head. But would he have ever been in danger if they hadn't survived the car wreck in the first place?

  • Feb. 2, 2003, 7:55 p.m. CST


    by PolyesterRage

    was this guy on CRACK when he saw fd2? in sucked serious ass. the characters were stupid (couldnt help liking the cokehead though), and the gore was only put in for the films lack dimension. the ending was stupid too (the explosion thing scared the shit out of me though, lo. i wasnt expecting it so soon). and what about the steel framed pigeons? pretty crazy.

  • Jeeeez, the dialog killed me, the pileup what gorgeous in execution, but the buildup was nonexistan (yeah right, Highway to hell, the kid banging cars... it just screamed going trhough the motions.), the plot makes no sense, and the whole thing is just an excuse to show you the (Excelent) death sequences. There is fun to be had on it, but it could have been sooo much better. The first one relied on the build up of tension to keep you on the edge, in this one.... as soon as the kid snuffs it (they all do more or less...) the suspense is gone, it's a film that thinks its freewheeling... but it's just skidding towards a stanstill. A mixed bag. :P

  • Feb. 17, 2003, 3:54 a.m. CST

    Yo Moriarty

    by eddyfalcon

    Did you delete the paragraph where you go into detail about how you enjoyed fellating zide? based on the article, you must have done it.