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Mr. Beaks Opens His Presents Early! The Bastard
Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I hate Mr. Beaks.
Oh, I could give you a laundry list of reasons why I hate him, but you don’t want to hear that. You want to hear about BAD SANTA. I mean, I think you do. I sure as hell did when he called to laugh and me and mock me for not going to the screening with him.
Let’s see... Coen Bros. producing... Terry Zwigoff directing... and a cast that sounds completely demented in a film that just plain hates Christmas. Has someone been looking inside my head again?
BAD SANTA – Test Screening (d. Terry Zwigoff, w. John Requa & Glenn Ficarra)
It’s a snow globe scene yanked out of the booze-addled imagination of Charles Bukowski; a department store Santa bent over in a back alley by a dumpster, vomiting up an evening’s excessive liquor intake. Thus begins BAD SANTA, a gleefully offensive Christmas film teeming with contempt for the holiday’s crass commercialization and humanity in general. Bumped all the way from December 2002 in favor of a fourth quarter 2003 release, this Dimension Films production, produced by Joel & Ethan Coen (who also dreamt up this sordid story), is as funny as any movie I saw last year, and seems likely to raise more hackles than that 80’s Yuletide classic, SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT.
In that film, Santa was *just* a serial killer; here, however, he’s a drunken, chain-smoking, safe-cracking sex maniac without an ounce of respect for himself or anyone else. In other words, it’s a role Billy Bob Thornton was born to play. And he is caustically brilliant as Willie T. Soke, a bottom-feeding thief cum department store Santa who, with the aid of his helper elf, Marcus (the very funny Tony Cox), knocks off a shopping mall every Christmas Eve, living off of (i.e. squandering) his take until the next year’s holiday season rolls around, at which point the duo reassemble and case the joint from the inside for a whole month as employees.
The catch, of course, is that Willie has to play Santa, a role for which he couldn’t be more ill-suited. Essentially, Willie is a coarse variation on the department store St. Nick from A CHRISTMAS STORY, the chief differences being his astonishingly profane vocabulary, and his penchant for guzzling himself into a deep, drunken stupor where he wets his *own* lap. This places a madly disproportionate share of the burden on Marcus, an easily aggravated cuckold beholden to his high-maintenance, status-hungry wife (Lauren Tom, in another instance of perfect casting). And though Marcus does his best to keep the constantly inebriated Willie on track, there’s no quenching this misanthrope’s boundless thirst for booze and tail, which leaves their scam forever teetering on the edge of failure, especially when Willie’s untoward behavior – including quickies with fat women in the Big and Tall dressing rooms – draws the attention of the mall manager, (John Ritter), who eventually enlists the assistance of his sleazy store detective (Bernie Mac) to dig up dirt on the pair so he can fire them.
In the midst of all this ugliness, we’re introduced to a damaged, friendless ten-year old (Brett Kelly) who attaches himself to Willie’s 100 Proof Santa. Initially annoyed with the chubby, peculiar youth (basically a living, breathing version of Ralph Wiggum from THE SIMPSONS), Willie suddenly finds the kid useful when he drives him home to his large suburban house, where, absent a mother and father (deceased and jailed respectively), he lives under the “care” of his senile, sandwich-making grandmother (Cloris Leachman). At first, Willie is content to simply empty the father’s safe and steal his car, but when he goes home one night to find his motel room getting tossed by the authorities, he decides to move in for the duration of his holiday stay, thus delighting the inquisitive kid to no end, and providing Willie with a perfect safe haven out of which to operate.
The set-up here should be fairly transparent – at some point, Willie is going to learn the true meaning of Christmas – but Terry Zwigoff, following up his impressive fictional film debut, GHOST WORLD, pulls not a single punch. Working from a script by the writing duo of John Requa and Glenn Ficarra (writers of the innocuous CATS & DOGS), Zwigoff is on familiar turf skewering our consumer-mad society, but this time he’s been handed a far more damaging weapon. And, man, is BAD SANTA unremitting in its savagery. Even when Willie finds his conscience, his way of giving back to this trusting child is as wrong as every other act he’s committed. That he feels good about it isn’t at all heartwarming; he’s simply turning a corner into another realm of amoral behavior. It’s this kind of consistency in Willie’s character that renders the film a tad repetitive down the stretch, but once the film clicks into its final, uproarious act, this brief narrative lethargy is easily forgiven.
Solid though Zwigoff and company are, this is really Billy Bob’s show, and his Willie is a perfect mix of misery and fecklessness. It’s a combination we’ve not yet seen from Thornton. I particularly love the way he’s able to subtly alternate his gaze from simply blank and drunken to blank, drunken and dangerously lascivious. Sometimes, before surrendering (far too freely, of course) to his basest carnal desires, he doesn’t even bother to feign interest, like when he’s being hit on by a cute, perky, Santa-obsessed barmaid (Lauren Graham). Apparently, when it falls right into his lap, he can’t be bothered to switch on what limited charm he has (which consists mostly of suffing a $5 winning scratch-off lottery ticket into a stripper’s g-string).
I am hopeful that BAD SANTA’s move to 2003 is not indicative of some internal vote of no confidence at Dimension. After all, we’re well aware of the Weinsteins’ predilection for shelving films that aren’t absurdly easy to market (and, then, shelving a select few that are). Yes, Terry Zwigoff’s film is going to piss off a helluva lot of people, but there is an audience out there primed for something this mean and tasteless. Just don’t repeat MGM’s mistake of dumping the Farrelly’s KINGPIN, only to watch it become a valuable catalogue title that could’ve raked in a tidy profit in the theaters had it been sold correctly, or, at least, competently. BAD SANTA is *that* relentlessly funny, but with a biting sense of satire that could garner a good deal of critical praise, as well.
No matter its eventual fate, do yourself a favor and keep this one fixed on your radar. As for me... between this and CITY OF GOD, I can’t remember when my filmgoing year has gotten off this promising a start.
Faithfully submitted,
There was a time where I was lamenting the fact that Bill Murray dropped out of playing the lead in this film, and part of me still wishes he would take great roles like this, but it sounds like a home run, and if anyone’s missing out here, it’s Bill. Christmas can’t come quickly enough for me now...
"Moriarty" out.
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I HATE banner ads with sound! And so does everybody else, you advertising geniuses!
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Something i really, really have to see! Kind of the timeless classic SHAKES THE CLOWN, but Kringlefied. Bonus.
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Read Santa Steps Out by Robert Devereaux. It's one the goriest and most sexually depraved novels I've ever read, and it's got Santa, Mrs. Claus, a dominatrix Tooth Fairy, a dung-humping Easter Bunny, and lots of horny elves. Should be required reading in all high school literature classes.
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A common complaint (unjustly) levelled against me by my girlfriend.
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Those days back in CHOPPER CHICKS IN ZOMBIE TOWN were rough. Enjoy. http://www.rottentomatoes.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=1411169
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How about that? sk
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He's responsible for two of my favorite movies ever. Zwigoff+Coen Brothers=cinematic orgasm.
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A sentence I never thought I'd write. But I agree with Uga nonetheless.
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Sorry, but that is what this sounds like. Without Murray, I see little hope. I'm surprised Robin Williams wasn't cast, but I guess he was unavailable. Maybe this will be the laffriot of 0/3, but I have serious doubts.
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for some reason this description reminds me of dan akroyd's santa scene from trading places. i can see the potential.
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its probably good shit.
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Bill Murray's batting average has been pretty good recently and this is just one mans opinion, it hard to say if this is good or bad as of now. I'm looking forward to it since it is one of those films that could be a brilliant masterpiece or go the other direction and be "Shakes the Clown".
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Ghost World is one of my absolute favorite movies, I love dramas that have nothing to do with crime or love. So I watched Ghost world about 8 times and then one day I got a coupon from Blockbuster to rent movies for 99 cents, that's the only time I rent movies by the way. Anyway I rented Crumb and I find out that Seymour from Ghost World is totally based on this Crumb guy. So that basically just ruined Ghost world for me. So Ghost World was great but it sucks major ass that Zwigoff was unoriginal enough to base Seymor on Crumb, now I can't watch ghost world in the same mind set ever again, I shouldv'e never rented Crumb dammit anyway.
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YES!! This is the kind of movie I've been waiting for to grace the "holiday" screens. Enough of the Santa Clause bullshit, this Jim Grinch Carrey nonsense, and this "love for humanity" insidiousness. Christmas is one of the most ridiculous holidays we have, and the fact that it came from religion should be no surprise to anyone. BAD SANTA is all I want under my twig next year.
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hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaahhahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry for the double post)
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Jan 22, 2003 3:56:44 PM CST
Didn't this premise peak with Aykroyd's "Santi-Wrap" sketch?
by trav mcgee
C'mon, Lorraine Newman carefully lining Belushi's drunken unshaven belligerently-Ho-ho-ho-ing Santa lap with toilet paper, sure, y'all know the sketch. Yeah, that's right, that one, the one that was really funny, already tweaking the mall Santa jokes all of 25 years ago...
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..and with a Coens script and Zwigoff directing it should be good. Hope it doen't get lost in the mass of other films and gets a fair chance.
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Excellent. My work here is done.
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i turned the sound all the way up and told my sheltered roommate to check this cool new site AICN...when the gun noise came on he literally jumped out of his seat and screamed like a girl......now we call him susan....
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Santa Claus gettin' fucked up offa da Gin' 'n' Juice. The perfect antidote to all the saccarine "holiday" season "movies." Toppu o Nerae!
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Jan 22, 2003 10:10:49 PM CST
a living breathing version of Ralph Wiggum? I'm so there!
by unwell_arena
Ralph rules.
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... is "Bad Santa" anything like "Bad Lieutenant" wich starred Harvey Korman?
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This was an idea I've been working on for a while. I hope Zwiggy does it up good. I love the Coens, I love Ziggy and Billy Bob. I have high hopes for this film, although it won't make a dime, I'm sure I'll absolutely love it.
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In all fairness to Zwiggy, Bad Santa wasn't bumped, it was never intended for release in 2002, from what I've heard.
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www.facer.net
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I like things that drip with evil. Christmas needs this treatment -so sick of the saccharine shit that get pumped into the throats of people around this time. But I loves the turkey! Oh, Ralph can't possibly exist in human form - it's bending my mind.
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Jan 23, 2003 6:01:36 PM CST
Without Steve Guttenberg, this movie is doomed to failure.
by elgyn6655321
I mean come on, THE PEOPLE WANT STEVE GUTTENBERG!!
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Is it true that the director of Bad Santa has been fired?
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