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Mr Beaks jizzes all over CITY OF GOD and KANGAROO JACK... well, at least one of em anyways!

Hey folks, Harry here with the tongue wagging Estella Warren addict, Mr Beaks... I just can't believe he has it this bad. Listen... Estella, if you're out there... Drop Mr. Beaks a letter and give him a date. He's Prime Grade A Angus Beef marinating in his own juices awaiting you! And look, he can act real civilized when talking about great cinema as evidenced by this CITY OF GOD review! What else do you want in a man? Oh... Well, surgery can help him with that baby! Here's Mr Beaks...

CITY OF GOD (d. Fernando Meirelles & Katia Lund, w. Braulio Mantovani)

After months of hype stemming from a torrid trail blazed across the worldwide film festival circuit (from Cannes to Toronto to AFI), CITY OF GOD (CIDADE DE DEUS) is finally making its U.S. commercial debut, and it’s exhilarating; a visually resplendent piece of pulp filmmaking that is an absolute must-see for anyone who cares about cinema. Spanning three destitute decades in the favela of the title – Rio de Janeiro’s most notorious slum – Fernando Meirelles’s audacious collision of formalist narrative technique and neo-realist aesthetic (making use of primarily non-professional actors) manages the impressive feat of entertainingly depicting a seductive criminal lifestyle without glamorizing it in the least. Nominated as Brazil’s candidate for Best Foreign Film of 2002, the only worry is that CITY OF GOD might be *too* good to win an Oscar.

Adapted from a massive, painstakingly researched work of fiction by author Paulo Lins (the book runs close to 700 pages), Meirelles and his screenwriter, Braulio Mantovani, have pared down characters and incidents to focus mostly on the divergent paths of two youths – Rocket and Lil’ Dice – as they struggle through the abject poverty into which they’ve been born. There are two avenues of improvement available to them: the sucker’s life, that of the honest man who earns little and likely goes nowhere, or the dealer’s life, a dangerous existence with an irresistible potential for power and relative riches. Rocket, our guide through this precarious universe, hews mostly to the straight and narrow, a choice he makes early on in childhood when he distances himself from the rogue lifestyle of his older brother, a marauding member of a band of petty criminals known as the Tender Trio. Lil’ Dice, on the other hand, would like nothing better than to emulate his brother Shaggy, who leads the Tender Trio, but he’s even more ambitious, suggesting that they raid a nearby brothel; a scheme that ends bloodily when Dice gets bored with serving merely as lookout for the older boys, and guns down a handful of helpless employees and customers in cold blood. At this point, Dice’s path is set; he welcomes this amoral lifestyle like a boy at the controls of a giant electric train set. For him, crime isn’t just a necessity, it’s a divine calling.

Rocket’s journey, however, is far from fixed; and, as we skip into the 1970’s, we find him kicking around with a colorful group of fun loving teenagers known as the Groovies, who spend most of their time hanging out on the beach getting stoned. They’re a peaceful, hippie-ish lot that seem largely to avoid the criminal element, save for when its time to hit up the local pusher. It’s during such an errand that Rocket once again crosses paths with the newly christened Lil’ Ze (“Dice” having, apparently, a too childish connotation), who is brashly seeking to carve out his own territory in the City of God selling both weed and the more addictive (i.e. lucrative) cocaine. Rocket’s primary indulgences, however, are photography and Angelica, an attractive female member of their clique not at all opposed to a frivolous bout of sex, but his prolonged flirtation is eventually undone by Ze’s faithful, lifelong lieutenant, Benny, a charming, slightly less wicked sort who tires of the violent lifestyle and transforms himself into a Groovie; thus, drawing the attention and eventual affection of Rocket’s beloved Angelica. But his absence in Ze’s life serves to imbalance the burgeoning crime lord, leading to a tragedy that will eventually play a crucial role in Rocket’s ultimate aspiration to leave the City of God.

One of the many impressive achievements with this film is the seamless way Meirelles interweaves his episodic narrative. As described above, and considering the huge cast, one expects a periodic sense of clutter or confusion, but this never happens. Meirelles is too nimble a guide, advancing the story with striking visual cues and an unobtrusive narration that conveys cleanly and economically a great deal of crucial information ala GOODFELLAS. And there are so many clever passages, like the history of an apartment condensed into one digitally manipulated shot, or Rocket’s half-hearted attempt at the criminal life that shows him looking for that unattainable “victimless” crime. That there doesn’t seem a forced moment or a self-conscious shot in the entire film is a tribute to Meirelles’s compassion for the material and the plight of those trapped in the unremitting squalor of the favelas.

And it may very well be unthinkable for Meirelles to have pulled off this startling achievement without the assistance of his co-director, Katia Lund, whose immersion within the favelas has yielded an acclaimed documentary, NEWS FROM A PRIVATE WAR, as well as the striking short film, “Golden Gate” (where she was assisted by Meirelles), from which is borrowed the wrenching moment where Lil’ Ze asks two youthful, mortified, positively baby-faced delinquents whether they’d like to be shot in the hand or the foot. (I saw “Golden Gate” at the 2001 New York Film Festival, and it has lingered in my mind ever since. Though I am sure it is not Meirelles’s intent to overshadow Lund’s contributions, I’m surprised at the lack of recognition she has received in most reviews.)

Ultimately, CITY OF GOD is unforgettable precisely because it never allows its high style – split-screens, bullet-cam and all – to overshadow its very real characters, so that we find ourselves wondering insistently what it takes for one of these kids to make it out of this seedy, sweltering hell. Meirelles and company never once claim to have any substantive answers; they just give us the odds. In one brilliantly executed final shot, Rocket, having witnessed a daylong series of violence, mayhem and atrocities, walks out of the ghetto with a roll full of film that will bring him acclaim and success as a photojournalist, while a group of adolescents pass by, walking cheerfully back into the decrepit urban jungle. Ten to one. Luck.

Faithfully sub— oh, hell, let’s get this shit out of the way…..

KANGAROO JACK (d. Dave McNally, w. Steve Bing & Scott Rosenberg)

Honestly, what can you ask from a film that started life as an adult-themed caper film, Estella Warren skinny dipping scene and all, only to end up as a flatulence-filled kiddie film *without* Estella Warren skinny dipping? It’s simple, really. Who has the skinny-dipping footage, and when are y’all bringing it over to my house?

E-mail me if we need to work out postage on this deal!

Mr Beaks













Harry here... what were they thinking?

Readers Talkback
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  • Jan. 19, 2003, 5:53 a.m. CST

    When did AICN become a soft porn site?

    by supertoyslast

    I will admit the pics are hot, though

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 5:56 a.m. CST

    Estella Warren was perfect in planet of the apes

    by Silvio Dante

    The crace, the beauty of craftmanship. She's the next Meryl Streep, I tell yous!! And she's not hard on the eyes either. The most talented actress of her generation and I see no reason why she shouldn't be in movies. Or that's the line her agent gave the producers of Kangaroo Jack, who finally melted and let her try out a scene. But she didn't know how to skinny-dip, cause that's basically two things, being naked and swimming at the same time. So that's the probable real story behind the scoop.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 5:57 a.m. CST

    City of God

    by canadiancrippler

    City of God sounds pretty good, i'll defintely have to check it out, as for Kangaroo Jack, I couldn't be bothered.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 6:02 a.m. CST

    A drink for THE IRON GIANT

    by Todd

    Sometimes I wonder what THE IRON GIANT must dream of? Perhaps food or flying, or more food, or playing with Hogarth or food. But what about drinking? Did we ever see THE IRON GIANT drink? No, but in His dreams I'm sure He would demand every metal shot glass (ok a tub to us, but to Him it's a shot glass)....were was I? Oh yeah...that ever metal shot glass be filled with Estella Warren every time..

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 6:08 a.m. CST

    And for those who want more soft porn pics of Estella Warren...

    by supertoyslast

    http://www.fortunecity.co.uk/cinerama/thriller/161/oops_estella_warren.html And I realise I'm a total hypocrite for posting this link. I just like to keep my movie news and porn separate.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 6:17 a.m. CST

    SPECIAL THANKS TO SUPER FOR THAT LINK!!!

    by Rogue_Leader

    The world truly is a better place because of fine individuals such as this one!

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 6:53 a.m. CST

    just imagine all the jizz soaked monitors across the world at th

    by Red Raider

    ...send the cleaning bill c/o AICN, Austin Texas!

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 7:43 a.m. CST

    They hit a kangaroo, think it's dead, and then decide to dress i

    by Andy Travis

    That's all I have to say about Kangaroo Jack.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 8:58 a.m. CST

    you know, there are times when you've got to throw political cor

    by tommy5tone

    ..."dear god, every molecule in my body wants to be inside THAT body! i don't care if her acting makes halle berry look talented! i don't care if her conversation revolves around nelly, justin timberlake and the latest gund collection! i want to go down on her like a hungry horse on a full feedbag! she is beyond fine, OK? she is super-fucking-fine and i want a hot buttered slice of estella warren on my plate right now!"

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 9:22 a.m. CST

    Will I have to start supplying a credit card to access this site

    by Mully4Ever

    Adult-Check Gold?

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 9:29 a.m. CST

    It is my pleasure to be of service, rogue

    by supertoyslast

    If you want free celeb mainly semi-nude pics you should check out the rest of the site. It's pretty good. http://www.douglass.co.uk/webpromote/celebs/ How many soft porn links can I post before I get banned?

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 10:06 a.m. CST

    Ive got the sequal all lined up for Kangaroo Jack

    by Linuss

    Ok they are driving in the back roads of utah and they hit a small gnome and then they strip naked for some reason like to eat pancakes, anyways the gnome isnt dead and it steals there car and there cloths and runs over they many many many many times....... And guys i dont mean to toot my own horn but this one is going to be better then the first hell im seeing Oscar.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 10:26 a.m. CST

    City of God is AMAZING....

    by Dr_Zoidberg

    Just un-fuck-ing believeable. Brilliant.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Um....I....what....

    by CoolDan989

    OK, that was one confusing...thing. Mr. Beaks barely reviews Kangaroo Jack and then puts some...pictures...for no reason. Not that I'm complaining about the pictures, mind you. Not exactly, anyway...This is just probably the most bizarre story I've seen on this site. I have to gather myself now.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 11:22 a.m. CST

    great. more harry jizz talk...

    by Nihilon

    perhaps these 2 stories shoulda been posted separately? after that in-depth review of city of god, thanks to a few pics this entire talkback is gonna be devoted to estella warren's titties. oh, and harry, just admit it already, you spill your jizz over pictures of jerry o'connell dont you?

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 12:01 p.m. CST

    I didn't know I could have just posted nude pics of one of the s

    by TheFoywonder

    Naked Benigni? On second thought, forget I ever said that.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 12:12 p.m. CST

    WHOA NELLY!

    by imageburn13

    yeeehaw! Now softcore is allowed on AICN?

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 12:17 p.m. CST

    Ill have to COME here more often!

    by imageburn13

    yay!

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 12:18 p.m. CST

    Those pictures RESONATE with the EMOTIONAL intelligence of Graha

    by Monkey Lover

    Her face looks funny in them. Although I guess we're not focused on it so much.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 1:12 p.m. CST

    A) Estella Warren is a total babe, and B) These pics are DEFINIT

    by NeofromtheMatrix

    Dude, I'm in a public library at the moment! I mean, sure, the twelve year-old girl at the terminal next to me is viewing at Christina Aguillera's video "Dirrty", but still... I don't want to have my library card revoked, thats all.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 1:52 p.m. CST

    Kangaroo Jack

    by CountVonGroovy

    More lowest-common-denominator work Jerry Bruckheimer's crap factory. The first I heard of it was a trailer in front of Harry Potter 2 in November, one of several horrible kiddie previews that I had to sit through. I felt like walking out right then and there, before Harry even whipped out his wand (oh, that didn't come out sounding that well). Then a couple of weeks ago, I heard some poor, sweet little girl look at a poster and tell her dear daddy that she wanted to see it. A new generation festers and drowns in Hollywood's filth...

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 2:46 p.m. CST

    There *Was* Another Paragraph To That Review,.....

    by mrbeaks

    ..... but what was posted in its absence is far more pleasing to the eye. Credit Harry for the pics.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 2:51 p.m. CST

    those pics were put there by harry and not beaks. how surprisin

    by supertoyslast

    and can we have that extra paragraph please? I also agree that these stories should have been posted separately. I mean, after reading a glowing review of a mind-blowing film I will forget it immediately if the next thing I see is gorgeous naked titties.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 2:54 p.m. CST

    4 out of 5 dentists recommend...

    by tucson

    ...getting your overbite fixed, Estelle!!! And what kind of name is that for a supposedly up-and-coming female actor? The only other Estelle I'm aware of is Estelle Getty, from the Golden Girls.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 3:02 p.m. CST

    For Completists, The Rest of My KJ Review

    by mrbeaks

    It may not be as fetching as the lovely, extremely nekkid Ms. Warren, but it *does* name-check PLUTO NASH! "Other than that, there are very few revelations in this misbegotten marsupial mess of a motion picture. Working from an idea that Scott Rosenberg recently claimed was the most perfect pitch he

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 3:20 p.m. CST

    Towelie, even

    by Glawen

    Estelle Morris would recognise Kangaroo Jack for the steaming pile of shit it sounds like. Unless Tony told her otherwise, of course. And as for Estella Warren, her first name will never be used to describe her acting ability, and if it wasn't for her willingness to shed he clothes at the drop of a penny, her surname certainly describes where her acting career should be - underground and buried.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 5:15 p.m. CST

    It's the coming of the Apocalypse...

    by IAmLegolas

    KANGAROO JACK is #1 at the box office. And Estella Warren is not an actress. What WAS her point on Planet Of The Apes, anyway? I mean besides the same thing that she's doing in those pics which is making fanboys drool so they'll shell out $$$ and keep her from getting a real job.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 5:37 p.m. CST

    I just saw CITY OF GOD last night. It was pretty awesome. Rath

    by Zod_Is_Back

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 6 p.m. CST

    Estelle Warren is a hot slab of meat!!

    by Silver Shamrock

    and I don't care if I'm objectfying her! take that you feminist losers!

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 6:48 p.m. CST

    i saw kangaroo jack

    by uberbill

    only so i could make out with this hot sorority chick from tri delta...but she ended up liking the movie which leads me to believe that there is no god...no god at all...even the crowd loved it..i stared at the screen in disbelief while everyone was laughing around me...oh well...at least she gave me head...

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 7:21 p.m. CST

    I heard they wanted Captain Lou Albano to play the Kangaroo in K

    by Sod Off Baldric

    I was going to post a treatise about how sad and pathetic everyone is for drooling over those pics, but then I realized...I'm just as sad and pathetic as everyone else because I'm drooling over those pics. I mean, look at how hot that woman is. I want one just like her. Dammit...why did I have to be born with the geek gene? I could have played sports in high school, banged hot cheerleaders, that sort of thing...no, I had to develop a penchant for comic books and science fiction movies. I think I'm going to go masturbate and cry now. Later.

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 7:36 p.m. CST

    Bubble Wrap, Baby Oil, and Those Pics? Anyone? Expert Opinions

    by jollydwarf

    MATRIX JAPANESE TEASER NOW ONLINE!!! WORK YOURSELF INTO A LATHER OVER THE LEATHER RIGHT HERE, O NATIVES OF ZION!!! I can honestly say that I'm not surprised at all that the Sentinels at AICN haven't picked this up yet. It's on OTHER movie sites and there's multiple mirror sites up...is this a result of some unspoken moratorium? Or is it more narcolepsy at the wheel? As for the "Estellar" nipplage, where does one go about getting pics like that? Those are one degree beyond what "Maxim" and its bastard offspring will show. AND ANYONE WHO HONESTLY HAS LEGITIMATE INPUT ABOUT BUBBLE WRAP, PLEASE...SAVE YOURSELF THE EMBARRASSMENT! Hey, we all know that it chaf--oops! Don't click "Pos--

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 11:13 p.m. CST

    Stop with the captain lou

    by TheManWithNoName

    Really that "Captain Lou got snowed in" shit is really fucking old and was never funny in the first place. Its fuckign stupid.. just as stupid as that Hulk Hogan as the baddie "i'm going to get ya brother" shit.. Things die after about 2 times.. give it a rest or come up with some new material.. sheeesh

  • Jan. 19, 2003, 11:57 p.m. CST

    Hey, I like those Hulk Hogan Jokes!

    by FrankCobretti

    Keep 'em coming, Chaffro!

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 12:04 a.m. CST

    YES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IT HAPPENED!!!

    by Rogue_Leader

    Kangaroo Jack is now officially the number 1 movie in North America. I gotta admit I damn near fell over in friggin shock and went into a FUCKING COMA after seeing this. It happened though. Man! I swear to God. Jerry Bruckheimer could make a film featuring a turd and it would be the number 1 movie. I mean hes already made one with Will Smith starring. Thats close enough dontcha think?

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 2:01 a.m. CST

    phhhwwooorrrr!!

    by TheGinger Twit

    Something just exploded!

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 3:05 a.m. CST

    Estella Warren ...

    by Glawen

    ... may have been a world class swimmer and may not have any wussy ass morals but she's a bog standard actress.

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 5:37 a.m. CST

    I keep thinking City of God is that Patrick Swayze humanitarian-

    by Darth TJ Mackey

    I like Estella Warren.

  • How Depressing. First the US takes Just Married to the top spot and now Kangaroo Jack. You really know how to appreciate quality films. If you're going to piss your money away like that, then become an alcoholic. As least the rest of the world will then be spared these releases if they tank as they deserve to. Jesus H. Christ on a bike.

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 12:46 p.m. CST

    Kangaroo Jack-Off: Circle of Life...

    by LabRat

    ...starring Estella Warren, Jeremy Miller, and Marc Price. Admittedly I'm reaching with the "Circle of Life" reference, but in actuality it's pretty good if you think about it it. CIRCLE (jerk) of LIFE (man-juice ie. the seed of life). OMFG I'm sorry...

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 4:05 p.m. CST

    According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Estella says she won't do nu

    by Lord Shatner

    This is more depressing than Korea and Iraq put together

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 4:19 p.m. CST

    Lors Shatner. Estella's no nudity is no problem.

    by Glawen

    A five minute loop of someone flipping through a scrapbook of all the naked shots she's done for the "men's mags" and the like will be more than sufficient. A half hour short will be enough for most people and, though I'm sure the cinema's will be full, I see better sales in the Home DVDs.

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 4:37 p.m. CST

    Mr. Beaks

    by WeedyMcSmokey

    You best not be ripping on "a Fine Mess" - I've gouged muthafuckas for less. Ted Danson in a dress can really make you think. After seeing Kangaroo Yak, you should be begging for a below-average Blake Edwards comedy. Everyone should see City of God - I have no other reason - it is a mandatory requirement that you will enjoy. Estella Warren, you are free to jump on into my fantasy pile.

  • Jan. 20, 2003, 8:03 p.m. CST

    PTA and Estella Warren

    by direktor

    PTA and Warren were together when they came to the movie theater I used to work at (now defunct Genral Cinema Hollywood Galaxy). I snuck 'em in to see Planet of the Apes... PTA even offered me a P.A. job on Punch Drunk, but I never got a call. BASTARD!!!! lol

  • Jan. 21, 2003, 12:18 a.m. CST

    'roos: loved the shoes

    by special guest

    ladies, the atrocity that is kangaroo jack was cleary defined by its trailer which spouted and touted such luminaries as...

  • Jan. 21, 2003, 2:30 p.m. CST

    AICN soft porn brings you no more topless anyone

    by supertoyslast

    It began here, and so it ends here. Since this story is about to move off the front page I will be posting no more links to topless actresses. I'm sure you can all find your own way.