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CAPONE doubting his lot in life has climbed the mountain to see THE GURU, and...
SPOILER ALERT !!
Father Geek here with some vibes beamed at Geek Headquarters from a mountain top just outside Chicago's Lower Southside. I think? They're (the vibes) a little scrambled, buuuut I think our main man in the windy city, Capone, has taken up yoga, and chanting, and incense burning, and hashish, and, well... SEX counciling with one Heather Graham?
Here's what we received on our patented "AICN Kozmic Karma Konverter" (TM) just mere moments ago...
Hey, gang. Capone from Chicago here. I’m still finalizing my Best of 2002
list for you. I’d still like to see 25TH HOUR and THE QUIET AMERICAN before
I send it off, but that may not be possible. In any event, I’ve got a little
something to tide you over in the meantime. I had about the lowest possible expectations for "THE GURU" for many reasons.
First off, director Daisy von Scherler Mayer made the utterly unwatchable
WOO as well as MADELINE and PARTY GIRL (and she has one of the dumbest names
I’ve ever seen).
Second, although they’ve both been in a couple of good
films in their careers, neither Marisa Tomei not Heather Graham have have
the power to make or break a film in terms of quality. I have just seen
Graham’s last virtually unreleased film, KILLING ME SOFTLY, which resembled
a wagon load of turds (if you ignore the fact that she’s amazingly naked for
large chunks of the movie...good luck!). Much to my surprise, however, my
expectations were tossed aside for the most part, and...
THE GURU turned out to
be a pretty fun, funny, and kinky little number. The best news about THE GURU is that it marks Heather Graham's return to porn!
Okay, not exactly, but it does mark her return to playing a porn star. But
more on that later. THE GURU is the story of Ramu Gupta (Jimi Mistry from
THE MYSTIC MASSEUR, EAST IS EAST, and the upcoming MY KINGDOM featuring the
final film appearance of Richard Harris). We first see Ramu as a child
sitting with his family in a movie theatre in India watching a typical
Bollywood feature. Ramu is bored out of his skull, so he sneaks out of the
theatre and into an adjoining screen playing the “You’re The One That I
Want” finale of GREASE. A big smile makes its way across Ramu’s face, and
the desire to become a Hollywood star is born. Jump ahead about 15 or 20
years. Ramu is now a dance instructor in India teaching all the latest
Western dance moves, including the dreaded Macarena. He has saved up enough
money to travel to America and move in with his cousin. But when he gets to
New York City, his work options seem very limited: cab driver, 7-11
employee, or waiter at an Indian restaurant, all of which he wants to avoid
at all costs. Ramu answers an ad in a trade paper for what he thinks is
acting work, but in fact is the male lead in a porno directed by Michael
McKean and starring rising porn star Sharonna (Graham). Once Ramu realizes
what type of movie he’s working in, he decides that he’s still going to make
a go of it, but he can’t quite get his equipment to cooperate. She gives him
a few tips on relaxing, but the shoot is a bust.Without going into much more detail, Ramu and Sharonna have a series of
meetings over the course of the next few months. She thinks she’s giving him
advise on being a better porn star, but he’s actually taking the advise and
using it in his much more profitable occupation as a “sex guru” to rich New
Yorkers, including his first client, the exceedingly needy Lexi (Tomei). It
doesn’t take long for Ramu to build a healthy following, which leads up to a
command performance at Carnegie Hall.
THE GURU a very R-rated since it
features a healthy dose of graphic sexual discussion (although very little
nudity or sex). And I’m not going to lie, I liked watching Graham talk dirty
to Ramu while she’s wearing a tight tank top and shorts. Aside from that,
Graham is maybe the most charming I’ve ever seen her in a film. Her
character has her own issues with lying, since she’s engaged to an extremely
conservative man who knows nothing about her porn career.
One of the things I loved best about THE GURU were the fantasy sequences that
doubled as a tribute to Bollywood films, which I’ve really started to
appreciate recently. There’s a particularly great scene where Ramu sees
himself in the lead in a Bollywood musical production number with Sharonna
as his leading lady. Although Graham didn’t quite have the unique Indian
dancing down, he lip syncing in Hindi was perfection. I also particularly
liked Ramu’s three roommates. Once Ramu’s guru work starts pulling in some
major cash, they go a little crazy. There’s a great “shopping spree” montage
that is usually reserved for female characters in Jennifer Lopez movies (see
MAID IN MANHATTAN), but seeing guys do it was a nice switch.
It would have been fairly easy to sanitize THE GURU and make it a feel-good,
PG-13 production, so I applaud the distributor for leaving in the adult
aspects of the plot. And while it’s far from a classic comedy, THE GURU has
a lot of laughs and seems to come from the mind of a refined pervert. You
have to respect that.
Other than the carryover from 2002, January is not
looking too promising. THE GURU may turn out to be a bright spot is a dark,
dark month.
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+ Expand All
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Thats all I have to say about that...
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Jan 10, 2003 4:23:09 PM CST
reviewing 'the guru' NOW reminds me how US-centric this site is.
by mansep
the guru was released here about 5 months ago. many other british films get mentioned in your site as much as a year after initial release. even american films like Memento (which was, somehow, released here a year before the US). shouldn't your site be as upto date as possible? otherwise you are just acting as free advertising for the US distributors.
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Jan 10, 2003 4:25:54 PM CST
hmm, thinking about what i just posted, maybe i should have sent
by mansep
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Heather Graham is one of the hottest actress out there. Even if this movie sucks( which I doubt it will)Ill still go see it just to see Heather Graham in that bollywood outfit.
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This site works by us the fans sending info to Harry or who ever so that it can then be posted. If you saw this movie and thought it was worth mentioning then you should have sent something to the site. I know these guys try to keep thier eye on as much news as they can, but they cant do it all. We need to help out.
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yeah, i came to same conclusion myself. maybe next time! ;)
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Heather is a HOT piece of ass...and that's it. She doesn't have an iota of talent. You know how her character acted in Bowfinger? That wasn't acting.
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I have boogie nights on DVD so thanks but Im all set. Oh and Killing Me Softly sucked the donkys balls. But I was thinking of seeing the movie anyways, but I might just wait and rent it.
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Ya you limeys should tell us boys across the pond if you guys see something first. I dont know why they give american movies to you guys first.
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Just because Heather Graham did bad acting in "Bowfinger" doesn't mean she's the one to blame. Often the case with bad acting could be the director. In that particular film, pretty much every actor was one-dimensional and acted in similar, annoying, goofy manner. Think about "Two Girls and a Guy," "Boogie Nights," "Sidewalks in New York," or even her bit part in "Swingers" as Mikey's new girlfriend Lorraine. Those are rather very good performances by Heather Graham but it could mean the directors would have been open to how she could act out her characters.
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Ahoy hoy. I know that AICN is also the High Temple of Worship for Heather Graham, but frankly give me Marisa Tomei any day of the week. Or preferably night. Sorry. I'll get back down to my parents basement!
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Jan 10, 2003 10:38:38 PM CST
killling me softly" THE FUNNIEST TRASHY FUCKFEST since SHOWGIRLS
by mentallymariah
she is such a slut!~ I own this dvd and it was totally camp fest from hell!!
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Jan 11, 2003 12:24:23 AM CST
This movie sucks hard, but Jimi Mistry should become a big star.
by cash bailey
Check out EAST IS EAST, but ignore the trailers and the box art that make you think it's some laff-a-minute romp (it get's very ugly at one point). Mistry has the looks of a young Nic Cage and the charisma of McQueen. Well, maybe not that last one, but he is a definite talent, and one who is blessedly a mile away from that generic Paul Walker-type bland frat-boy GAP model.
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Naturally, this site is US-Centric, Harry lives in the US. Besides, it's very rare that a movie comes out in the UK before it comes out in the States. 90 percent of the time, the Brits get movies two or three months after we get them in the US. One recent weird exception is the Cuba Gooding Jr. comedy "Boat Trip", which for some odd reason already came out in England (I found a copy of it online that someone had obviously taped in a theater), but doesn't come out in the US until March. I don't see anything wrong with this site doing stories on movies that have yet to come out in the US.
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Like top point out that i did send in a review of the guru around 5 months ago, though it never appeared on the site.
Also, Jimi Mistry is a supern actor and may interest any americans (as you wouldn't know this) that he made his name acting in a soap! Eastenders, it is currently britains number one watched show by quite a big margin.
Also that Jason Statham and Mark Wahlberg movie is the Italian Job, (a re-make of a classic british movie with micheal caine) which if it is not good could cause outrage in britain as the origianal is one of britains most loved movies.
Also, January is a bad month for you but here we get GAngs of new york, catch me if you can and star trek nemesis! Oh and the tuxedo? -
....in License to Drive.
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"What's going on w/ Pete Townsend?"
I am putting out the Sunday paper as I write this and we are running a piece on Townsend getting grabbed for kiddie porn. -
He says he thinks he might have been abused. The question is how dumb can someone be to even think about going near child porn, much less paying with a credit card for it? Didn't he realize he was playing with fire? If you're gonna do research on this stuff, better get a court order in advance and do it under supervision because these days they'll arrest you for nude pics of your own infant. And the media will reach for their pitchforks and torches until your name is synonymous with child-rapist. Wasn't this supposed to be about Heather Graham's new movie? Definitely a rental. Plenty of fast forward and slo-mo action.
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saw the trailers on THE GURU & it just so stupid. there was absolutely no reaction in the cinema because the jokes were silly & retarded. this is a turkey a major flop.
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because i just saw it and it was fucking FANTASTIC! and i am no spike lee freak, either. the only other movies he has done that i liked were do the right thing and clockers but this one definitely made the list. see it now! support this film. the "fuck you" sequence is the best of 2002. every character is fleshed out in this film. this film says everything there is to say about NYC after the attack, and it isn't even about 9-11! take someone very opinionated with you when you see this film because you'll talk all through dinner and drinks and the ride home about this film.
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we'll be reading his review of this in a few weeks.
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...I dare you to try to sit through "COMMITTED". Painfully bad. Saw it at Sundance in 2000 and wanted to claw my eyes out. Wildly self-indulgent navel-gazing. Miramax was premiering it there, and then dumped it later in the year (with good reason). I find it hard to believe that "KILLING ME SOFTLY" is worse, but I'm not about to find out anytime soon. I hope "THE GURU" gets you out of movie jail, Ms. Graham.
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This film finished it's run in Australia about 2 months ago. From what I can gather it got OK reviews. However, I'm 99% sure it was only rated PG here. Have they re-edited it and chucked in a few more swear words? Or are American ears just more sensitive than what Asutralian children are used to?
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