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Mini-Reviews for the script to EXORCIST Prequel + HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES
Hey folks, Harry here with Starken's look at two future Holiday classics.... NOT! First he's giving us a look at Caleb Carr/William Wisher's draft of the EXORCIST prequel. It should be noted though that since Paul Schrader is now aboard as director, there's a strong chance that this script could be enhanced, and from the sound of it, it really doesn't need much. As for HOUSE OF A 1000 CORPSES - other than an absolutely fantastic opening with Sid Haig, the movie is a waste of film. The audience I saw it with a BNAT loved the opening - screamed with elation when the title hit the screen, then booed when it was over. We were all in shock, we all had faith in Rob Zombie - afterwards - we didn't. It was a very sad realization. There's a lot of promising moments and visuals throughout the film, but as a whole it fails miserably. Well, enough of me, here's what ya came for...
Happy Holidays to all at Aint It Cool.
Recently, I was fortunate enough to recieve a copy of the "Untitled Exorcist Prequel" screenplay. Instantly excited, I tore through the entire 127 pages in just under two hours. The story was as we expected it: Father Merrin, now a disrobed priest, travels to Africa where a local village boy becomes possessed by the Devil (not Pazuzu, again as many have stated.) I have several thoughts on the script:
First, this is not (as Warner Bros. will undoubtedly market it) a prequel as we have come to expect them as of late. It is it's own story, which happens to have a Father Merrin as its lead. However, the Merrin we meet is much darker than the Merrin we've come to know and love. He is tortured by horrific memories of WWII Holland (which is recounted in the script's first 6 pages.) He has also lost his faith and now spends his times digging up religious relics in third world countries. Second, this is not (again, as the folks at the WB will most CERTAINLY market it) a "horror" film. It is not even close. The film is actually a very subtle war drama mixed with three very interesting action set pieces. To be sure, there are horrific images in the film, however nothing that will "frighten" viewers, per se, like "The Ring." Third -- and please don't take this the wrong way: the SCRIPT (stand alone) is very well written -- the! film is completely unnecessary. Although the film is titled as an "Exorcist" film, no exorcism takes place. The final 30 pages of the screenplay are essentially Merrin and the Devil one-upping each other with machine gun dialogue (you must read it to believe it.) Unfortunately, it is very anti-climactic. There is a neat battle scene between Brittish soldiers and African Tribesman. Also, there is a funny (though probably not intentional) homage to "Cat People" where a tribeswoman is tied to a tree and devoured by lions (natch.) Now, from the Devil to Rob Zombie:
Starken's Mini "House of 1000 Corpses Review":
Let's skip the story recap and get to the criticisms:
Why, Rob, why? In the name of all that us film geeks hold dear, why? Please stay in your recording studio. An interesting first act builds to an absolutely lackluster ending with insanely silly and predictable characters. Karen Black is fun for about ten minutes, but she soon loses her appeal. Sheri Moon is pretty enough to look at, but a very uncovincing actress. I laughed heartily as she lunged at the unlucky traveler's car door and screamed: "You're in hell, bitch! You're gonna die like a dog!" It absolutely slayed everyone in the room. I would agree with all your reader's criticisms: the film does seem to be a walking/talking ad for Rob's music (which of late is not nearly as good as when he was frontman of White Zombie.) I would also agree that the film is dull, not because no one dies until the last twenty minutes, but because the story is not interesting enough to hold one's interest.&nbs! p; Kids looking for a tree where a guy named Doctor Satan was hung? They get lost? They're attacked by hillbillies? Good Lord, are the future of horror movies in bad shape if this is the best a "renowned horror expert" like Rob Zombie can do. Skip this. Spend your 88 minutes doing something else...ANYTHING else...
If you use this call me "Starken." I will be back with a review of THE EYE and CABIN FEVER later this week.
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go watch the TTT just for the part when gandalf comes charging down that steep hill with Eomer and the rohirrin, that shot its amazing, it goes wide shot and slow mo at the same time. Like people said: its something out of the bible.
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His music sucks so what made people think that he could write or make a good film?!?!?!
Merry Christmas -
This bit of post-production dialogue...
Merrin: You can't outwit me. In fact, you're about as powerful and frightening as a sweet, innocent 12 year old girl.
Devil: What??! How dare you - hey wait, that gives me an idea! -
When a friend and i saw the trailer oh so long ago it looked so gay, camp and shit and now the truth has come out. There are probably a couple hundred horror films out there made by kids on Rob's beer budget that are better. Are they ever going to see the light of day? NO
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Jim Carrey as Fr. Merrin. Trust me.
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thought of HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES would be competent--it wasn't. When the opening started, the crowd clapped (my brother didnt), and when they rolled, Harry isn't lying, well over 80% of the crowd booed like Hell, which is saying quite a bit b/c MAY had just screened, and nearly had a standing ovation. If Lions Gate releases this Zombie crap, instead of MAY, they should be shut down too. As for the opening with Sid Haig...well...I thought it was trying too hard to be "cool." With lines like, "Fuck your mother. Fuck your sister. Fuck your grandmother. And lastly, FUCK YOU" (then he shoots the guy in the head with his .357). I wasn't feeling this sequence at all, but at least it was watchable, as for the rest of the movie ...well...if you don't mind "Papa Roach-esque" scene cuts, with some fake-me-out silent film insertion, then by all means watch it, but you have been warned on this one.
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Y'all actually stayed in there for the whole thing?! What endurance! I walked out humming "Kill the wabbit! Kill the wabbit!" and attempted to restore circulation to my legs. The reviewer is giving excellent advice...do ANYTHING including drive bamboo spikes under your nails rather than see House of 1,000 Corpses. It'll be less painful.
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I mean, you did see that monster suit, right? With the giant doofy head? It's loud music, naked ladies, incredible gore, and stylish set design... I can't imagine the actors wanted things to be serious, they'd know it's a B movie wannabe. Maybe it should have been released just on DVD as a music video collection. Anyway, I'll pay 6 bucks to see it on the big screen at a local movie house.
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The Exorcist idea sounds boring. Rob's new CD isn't so bad, I mean, compare with Justin Timberlake...
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...It's not a far stretch to think he MIGHT make a good film: all the horror attractions he has produced for Universal were at least fun. The biggest problem with the film is it has absolutely no story to speak of, as well as no aesthetic style that Rob can call his own--he borrows from just about everyone, up to and including Robert Rodriguez. That being said, his new film sounds promising: The 13th Grave (I believe) is the title. It is not being written SOLELY by him, so who knows. It sounds more Sci-Fi than schlock horror, but you never know. And his solo music IS bad. Aside from John Tempesta, there is not one ounce of musical talent in the group. His biggest attraction is his stage show, which is much better than the music itself. Merry Xmas to all.
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Actually, as a stand-alone film it is not TOO bad. Unfortunately, it follows up (in my opinion) one of the best films of the 70's. There's not a CHANCE it could be as good. Don't get me wrong: if you are a fan of violence, there is plenty. In some ways, the film is much more distuurbing than I thought it could be. The opening 6 pages, in fact, are some of the sickest moments ever put on paper. I really don't know how that scene will get past the MPAA. But it is a big-budget art film--will Satan. And lions. And tribespeople that sacrifice bulls. And crown jewels (I'm not kidding.)
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Michael J Pollard!!!!!!!
love that guy -
The only difference between RZ and, say, Justin Timberlake, is that RZ's fans have somehow managed to fool themselves into thinking there's something "rebellious" about him. Oh, wait, Timberlake fans do that too. Well, maybe just hygiene.
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i was really looking forward to this movie. it wasn't scary, it wasn't funny. bill mosely did get to say "dog dick" however, and sid haig rocks
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Dec 25, 2002 10:13:56 PM CST
So it`s terrible, eh? Well I guess that means Lions Gate has a
by elgyn6655321
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Why, that DOES sound funny! And gimp in my pants (if that IS your real name) Godfather II was half-prequel, and it was good. So there. sk
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When will Warners make an original movie instead of all these bloody sequels and prequels?
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William Peter Blatty was going to do "Excorcist III" like his book "Legion" - no excorcism. Then Warner Bros. said "Hey, we can't have an excorcist movie with no excorcism!" So they stuck one in. I suspect there'll be an excorcism by the time this flick hits the screens. BTW, wasn't Merrick's African adventure already recounted in "Excorcist II"? Y'know, with the locusts and the little boy that grows up to be James Earl Jones? sk
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Dec 26, 2002 1:48:38 PM CST
I think the prequel should be called "Satan's Smackdown" with Hu
by lord shatner
"The power of Christ compels you, brother"
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from dawn till dusk was pretty lame, this one we should classify as a virus. Didnt Rob Zombie's carreer end like, 5 or six years ago? oh and all his songs sound the same.
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What about "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly"? Fabulous movie, and a prequel. So there. (I suppose we could include the Vito story from Godfather II as well...)
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it's a prequel to "A Fistful of Dollars" and "A Few Dollars More". It was the third movie in the "dollar trilogy", and takes place before the two previous parts, showing how Clint Eastwood's character became who he was in the other two movies and how he got his familiar get-up (the gun belts and poncho, for instance).
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I just love it when I hear someone say "the film is completely unnecessary".
What defines a necessary film? More importantly - how does one become qualified to make this judgement?
There has never ever been a film that was "necessary". There have been great films, bad films, sick films, relevent films, long films, short films, pretentious films, silly films, serious films, and any other adjective one might conjure, but, there has not been a single motion picture that has ever been necessary.
Please stop using idiotic "Hollywood Hyperbole". -
I uhhh don't think so. While it is the Sergio Leone "Man with No Name" trilogy, I don't think there's any chronology to it whatsoever. It's just three different stories with the Clint Eastwood Man with No Name character as the protagonist.
lol if it was a prequal, did they use 'cloning' to bring back Lee Van Cleef? lol
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