I am – Hercules!!

Herc’s at Butt-Numb-a-Thon, spending time in Austin away from the computers and the VCRs and the thing and the other for once, so no reviews this week for “Firefly,” “Alias,” “24,” “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” etc. etc.

But to make up for the lack of Coax’s traditional Monday-morning “Buffy” report, here’s a load of Thursday-morning spoilage on 7.10. It’s big stuff, so inviso-text is invoked:

* Giles is not in the teaser. He shows up at the very end of Act I.

* First, Willow tries a locator spell and is overtaken by The First (“Cool effect!” notes our objective spy) but Xander saves her by smashing the cauldron.

* Giles shows up moments later with three potential slayers. He says they are the only ones left. Buffy asks if the others have been killed. “Along with their watchers," notes Giles.

* The First, he says, wants to kill all the slayers and potential slayers. There's very little info on The First, but what the council had, Giles swiped before the building blew.

* (One of the potential slayers actually handles this swiped info. As long rumored, Giles does not touch or move things. Is he really a manifestation of the First Evil? The First has so far impersonated only dead people; is Giles really dead?)

* Giles to Buffy: “You're the only one who has the strength to protect these girls, and the world, from what's coming.” Adds Xander: “But no pressure...”

* The uber-vamps (yes, there’s apparently more than one) are the vamps that vampires fear, Giles says. Until now - having seen one - he thought they were myth.

* Meanwhile, the First, in Drusilla-face, seems to be trying to drown Spike. (Which is nutty, since vampires don’t have a lot of use for air.)

* Here’s how it ends. One of the slayer-trainees gets killed by an uber-vamp, who also nearly kills Buffy. At the end, the Scoobies (including Giles) and the surviving slayer trainees admit they don’t know how to fight The First. Buffy at first underscores everyone’s frustration, then resolves to take the offensive. "We just became an army. We just declared war. Any questions?" Executive Producers Joss Whedon Marti Noxon

If you’re lucky enough to have a ticket to ride? See you at BNAT 4!!! Herc returns to the Coaxial next week.

I am – Hercules!!

To order BBQ aprons, bibs, clocks and special edition BNAT lunchboxes adorned with the image of a green, differently abled “Buffy” fanatic, click here.