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Fabfunk Wishes GHOST SHIP Would Sink!!
SPOILER ALERT !!
Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Smilin’ Jack Ruby from CHUD likes this movie. He can’t be wrong. He just can’t. I trust this man. I’ve seen this man so drunk that he couldn’t stop bellowing “HAIL SATAN!” in my face. How can you argue with a man of such a refined nature? Fabfunk’s wrong. He has to be wrong. It’s the only explanation...
Hey Harry,
GHOST SHIP IS A TOTAL, COMPLETE PILE OF CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really don’t have a nice way to say it. GHOST SHIP is the worst film of the year. I don’t understand those who have been giving it good reviews. I reason that maybe they are genre fans, but even for a genre flick, GHOST SHIP is remarkably poor. I don’t know where to start with the ineptitude of this cinematic shit stain, but I’ll try with the story.
GHOST SHIP begins, quite humorously, in a classy manner, aboard a 1960’s cruise ship. The music is romantic and sweepingly grand, and the font on the opening titles is a cheesy pink script font. It’s actually quite cute, and provides the first, and last, good scene in the flick with a perverse self-referential subtext. On this ship, a malfunction occurs and in one fell swoop, the entire front deck of the ship is brutally murdered. Although in this scene the film forgoes traditional blood and guts in favor
of computerized gore, it is a shock when it occurs. It’s a surprisingly gory and gruesome scene for a studio film, and a pleasant respite from the neutered gore of recent Hollywood.
Sadly, saying its downhill from here would be a tremendous overstatement.
Flash forward to modern day. We meet the grizzled Murphy’s (a depressed, dour Gabriel Byrne) preposterously faceless crew, which includes the mopey looking Epps (Julianna Margulies), goofy Dodge (Ron Eldard), engaged first mate Greer (Isaiah Washington) and two other rather interchangeable fellows. They are lounging in a bar when they are confronted by Ferriman (the awful Desmond Harrington), a dismally uninteresting stranger who speaks of a ship found lost at sea. Without many questions, the crew appears to head out to the ship THAT night, eager to see what it contains. Hilarity ensues.
The cast is the kind of collection of no-names that scream b-movie. Gabriel Byrne has been looking for a studio film that matches his talents, and the search will continue. Margulies barely has a pulse, while Eldard is unbearably namby-pamby, proving the theory correct that any film with two or more TV stars (both formerly of ER) is bad stuff. Hell, if they are so good, stay home and watch them for free. The only character that remotely registers is Greer, who is personified quite nicely by Washington in what goes for a nuanced performance in this film.
The film motors along for the first hour with shocks produced only by loud noises. Steve Beck, who previously directed THIRTEEN GHOSTS, has no idea how to pace suspense. He really is in a rush to get from scare to scare, often using that annoying speed up technique that merely gives viewers headaches. Because of this, GHOST SHIP has ZERO character development, ZERO plot development and ZERO legit scares.
The one saving grace of this film, and it appears not too often, is that the score is quite lovely. I don’t know who did it, but its very old fashioned, sweeping and appropriate for a film on the high seas.
I’ve seen plenty of horror films in my lifetime. Some of my favorite overall films include DEAD ALIVE, EVIL DEAD series, CARNIVAL OF SOULS, THE BEYOND, etc. However, I don’t think I’ve seen a horror film as stupid, inept and listlessly pathetic as GHOST SHIP. I must, must, must repeat this: GHOST SHIP is the WORST MOVIE of the year.
I am fabfunk, and I have spoken.Well... you make a good argument. And there’s a lot to see right now. I can’t exactly see myself running out for this one first thing... but Smilin’ Jack really, really liked it... hmmmmmmmmm...
"Moriarty" out.
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+ Expand All
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Oct 24, 2002 8:56:55 AM CDT
"Sadly, saying its downhill from here would be a tremendous over
by blanket-man
Uh, don't you mean "understatement"?
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Oct 24, 2002 9:24:11 AM CDT
Why do people always call a flick the worst film of the year whe
by terry_1978
Just sayin'.
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If she is, I'm first.
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Isn't that redundant?
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Anything is better than black, red and white CONSTANTLY. Whatever happened to gore that was made out of realistic-looking gunk? And who really cares about 'no-names'? I hated the camera angles they used in this film, it just looked so dull and plain, like a tv show. Pedestrian. Carnival Of Souls isn't so hot...
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Anything is better than black, red and white CONSTANTLY. Whatever happened to gore that was made out of realistic-looking gunk? And who really cares about 'no-names'? I hated the camera angles they used in this film, it just looked so dull and plain, like a tv show. Pedestrian. Carnival Of Souls isn't so hot...
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Anything is better than black, red and white CONSTANTLY. Whatever happened to gore that was made out of realistic-looking gunk? And who really cares about 'no-names'? I hated the camera angles they used in this film, it just looked so dull and plain, like a tv show. Pedestrian. Carnival Of Souls isn't so hot...
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Oct 24, 2002 2:36:38 PM CDT
George, The 6th Chicken!!!! Don't you miss SYSTEM MAINTENANCE ma
by spacesheik
Man, those were the good days.
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Is Ron Eldard naked in this?
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Way to go!! -
Let me get this straight: a schlocky horror flick about a haunted boat that eats people starring a grade-b TV actress isn't very good? Really? Glad to see AICN is still providing ballsy fan-based reviews of Hollywood blockbusters and sensitive art flicks. What would I do without you?
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Ah c'mon! Black guys don't die in ALL horror movies. Just look at Deep Blue Sea. LL Cool J is one of the only living people at the end of the movie! He survived over the hot chick! HE BEAT THE HOT CHICK IN THE BATTLE TO SATY ALIVE. Then again Samuel L. Jackson does get taken by a shark.......then torn in half....BUT LL stays alive!
Too bad movie sucked, though. -
That islamic preacher guy, and Vin Diesel. He's black isn't he? Well, blacker than Michael Jackson, and only half as gay.
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First I actually Liked this film, no It's not the greatest horror film around, I liked the Ring alittle bit more. But I thought that ghost ship was much creeper and intresting then the ads made it out to be. Of coarse You probably wont like this film if your not that much into horror films. Or if your expecting the Ultimate shit in your pants blood bath. But Hell yes it's much cooler than 95% of the other Horror films that have been released this year. ANd If you think GHOST-SHIP IS THE SHITTEST FILM THIS YEAR, THEN YOU'VE PROBABLY ONLY WATCHED ONE MOVIE THIS YEAR....
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Sea Evil! Man, that gets me every time. Get it? SEA EVIL!!!??? I think the skull ship would have looked cooler if it was wearing shades.
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is working on BRUISER 2: The Quickening
but seriously, computerized gore doesn't suck. -
Oct 25, 2002 4:00:15 AM CDT
IF YOU HAVEN'T READ GABRIEL BYRNE'S INTERVIEW WITH CHUD,DO SO NO
by dogsoup
Here's some highlights for ya:
"There's nothing more terrifying than what's going on politically in this country at the moment in my opinion. I think these films are a way of people finding some kind of release because people don't have the information they need to come to a rational understanding of this world. You're just told stuff and you just think, "Yeah, that's right -
Now if only you could a a rant like that about JJ Abrams SUPERMAN script.
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because it's either GHOST SHIP or SWEET HOME ALABAMA. i'll go with a cheesy horror flick anytime over anything with witherspoon.
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I completeley agree with everything he says in that quote. He is obviously a man of great depth. Too bad he has to slum it in films like "Ghost Ship" to pay the bills. But I guess there are worse ways to make a living.
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...wear a life vest, because you'll drown otherwise in the craptacular load of sloppy horror movie shlock.
Or at least bring your floaties... -
And the '40% of Americans go to sleep hungry' from the rant is silly. Look at all the fat asses in America. How much more could they eat?
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First off, the black guy is NOT the first to die (though he does, but
that's not saying much considering this film's body-count).
I've seen it and it's not too bad up until a pooint and that would be
nearing the last part when a ghost is showing a character what
happened in images flashing by around them; at that point for some
reason someone decided to use one of those awful trash-rock metal
"music" pieces as background music, completely breaking the mood. It
immediately goes from thriller ghost story to standard action pic.
(and they continue with ythe trash-rock in the end credits).
As far as being the worst film of the year, BOY does someone lead a
sheltered life.
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Oct 27, 2002 4:04:27 PM CST
If you think GHOST SHIP is the worst film of the year...
by thepoleofjustice
...you haven't seen FEAR DOT COM. Not denying that GHOST SHIP is a gigantic turd, but (by the reviewer's own admission) there is at least that halfway decent opening scene. FEAR DOT COM didn't even have that.
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This movie was run of the mill with some nice sets and a couple of effective scenes. Then it tries to explain what is going on and ceases to make any sense. Same as Thirteen Ghosts. Same as House on Haunted Hill. This one is even more convoluted and less coherent. You want a real ghost ship story? Check out Nancy Holder's "Dead in the Water". It's a great book and truly frightenening. More in the vein of "The Ring" then this muck. As for Ghost Ship, if anyone can explain just what the hell happened to the ship and why I'd love to hear it. I thought the explanation went against what was shown at the end. whatever.
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Why do people feel in reviews to defend their positions by listing the other movies that they liked? Like giving a review of a horror film and saying well but I liked the Evil Dead series. This review barely delves deep enough below the surface to really give me or ohers accurate reasons to prefer otherwise. I actually want to hear about shots and conclusions not just that the review thinks tv stars cant make it out on the stormy seas of Hollywood. Does this theory agree with anyone else about some of the "talent" they let write reviews?
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