Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.

All I know is Smilin’ Jack Ruby liked it. And I miss Julianna Marguiles on ER desperately, so I may see this just as an excuse to see her.

Here’s one reader’s take on things:

Hey Harry,

SPOILER - SPOILER - SPOI- wait nobody'll see this movie anyway.

I just got back from a preview screening of WB's Ghost Ship. My wife is in the Navy and they had a free showing at the cinema on base here in Pensacola, FL so I thought I might as well check it out. I went into this movie a little pessimistic because of Warner Bros. tendency to make movies that suck ass. The movie starts out with some pink cursive lettering and an upbeat song, I'm thinking to myself: "wrong movie?" The opening scene is alright though, a nice looking woman in a red dress (that looks like it was reused from the woman in red from The Matrix) is singing to happy passengers of a huge ocean liner and a lonely little girl that's sitting by herself. Since I'm damn lazy and I don't want to write the novelization of the movie I'll just give you the gist of it. Somebody throws a switch on a metal towline reel which cuts all of the dancing happy passengers in half. Now this was pretty cool, everybody is falling apart, people are trying to pull themselves together (hehehe) literally. The little girl is holding on to the Captain (who courteously asked the lonely little girl to dance) as these horrors are happening. She looks up and the Captain's head comes off at the mouth. It made me think: "Hey this might not suck"

Well anyhoo, then it cuts to a tug boat pulling an oil platform. The Captain of the tug is bitching about how it's sinking and they'll have to cut it loose, but of course the
fearless crew saves the day and the pay by fixing it just in time. Next the crew is sitting in a bar celebrating and dividing up the booty. This guy comes up and asks them if they'd salvage this ship he found in exchange for 20% finders fee. The crew discusses and agrees but will only give the dude a 10% fee. The guy reluctantly agrees but insists on going along. OK-so they head out towards the ship and we get a quick "meet the crew". The guy steering the tug boat has some ghostly problems with the radar and ends up running right into the big ass ocean liner. They go aboard and everything is spooky and abandoned. The dumbass of the crew falls through a hole in the floor and as they pull him back up we see the little girl from the opening sequence. OK so the crew has a huddle and we find out that there's! a hole in the spooky ship and its sinking. It they don't fix the ship in less than 3 days it'll hit some rocks and totally sink. Everybody is like: "no way, we can't fix the ship in 3 days", but they're determined to do it anyway. So then everybody is given a task and they split up Scooby-style. Everybody has spooky encounters and then they find a shit load of gold. Everybody huddles up again and this time they decide to ditch the ship and keep the gold. Good plan but the ghosts ain't havin' it. Just as they get ready to leave, an invisible hand opens up the valve to a propane tank, so when they start the tug it blows up. The only person that dies though is the bad Mexican stereotype character. Ah well, nobody liked him anyways. So they decide to fix the ship again and survive long enough to be picked up by someone. Everybody splits up again. The black dude gets killed by following the ghostly chick in the red dress to an elevator shaft where he goes right through her and f! alls to his death. She's all hot and naked until she turns around, then she's all decomposed and ugly ( blatantly stolen from The Shining). The chick finds the dead body of the little girl, then the little girl appears and explains that something is collecting souls to meet some quota. The Captain talks to the dead Captain and figures out something vital, so vital that he runs to an empty room with nobody in it, except the dead Mexican stereotype guy who says he's gonna take the Captain with him to the bottom of the ocean. The Captain gets away and runs into the chick, who then morphs into the Mexican guy. So then Captain tries to beat the crap out of her. She struggles with him until he's hit in the head by the guy that recruited them for the job. The remaining crew decides to throw the Captain in a giant "aquarium" and get to work fixing the ship. This part was complete crap... a quick montage complete with some "edgy" rock music and the ship is all fixed, they didn't even! need 3 minutes let alone 3 days. Then the little girl ghost takes the chick on a magical musical montage of the events on the night the ship disappeared. People cut in half, poisoning, shooting, throat cutting, hangings, double and triple crosses, and everybody is dead meat. Guess who the only guy left is?? The dude that hired the crew to salvage the ship. How predictable. Geez. Meanwhile the dumbass guy is chewed up some gears and spit out in pieces. Leaving only the chick, the bad guy, and the only one other remaining crew member. So after her insightful journey the chick runs to tell the Captain (oops, somebody left the water running, now the Captain's dead) and the only other guy left about what she knows. She finds him and starts to tell him about it and the bad guys walks in. They play dumb and she tells them to stay together while she goes to look for the guy that just got ground into hamburger. But before she leaves she hands the guy (not the bad guy) a shotgun. After she leaves, the bad guy starts calling the guy a pussy and so the dude shoots him. But he ain't dead.

Meanwhile the chick finds hamburger man and decides to sink the ship with some C4. Just as she's about to do it, the guy walks in and tells her about shooting the bad guy and suggests they just stay on and wait to be rescued with the gold. She ain't buying it so he morphs into the bad guy (who takes the time to explain his plan) and they fight. She finds a harpoon gun (where did that come from???) and stabs him in the leg, but instead of shooting him she shoots the trigger of the C4 detonator (damn good aim???) and blows a hole in the boat. The boat goes down, the souls and the chick swim up. She manages to find something to float on until she's rescued. The rescue boat docks and as paramedics put her into an ambulance she sees the gold being unloaded (the gold didn't sink???) with the bad guy following closely behind.

THE END

On a scale of 1 to 10 I give it a 4. It was free for me, but if I had to pay 8 bucks I'd give it a 3. Well that's my report, the verdict: wait for video and rent it if you just HAVE to see it.

Peace and hair grease,

The Jake

D’oh!

Well Harry I had the opportunity to catch a screening of GHOST Ship here in the far far north, for those who live in the sunny warm world, I live in Alaska. Anyway I had the chance to meet steven beck the director of 13 ghost Which I didn't really enjoy that much, The ghost looked great and everything, but I didn't care for any of the main cast of characters. So basically when I seen the ad for GHOST SHIP, I thought O.K. "I'll watch it only because Mr. becks a cool cat, and I watch about EVERY horror film". Well for those who are not sure about catching a showing of GHOST SHIP, just give it a chance.

The Opening Starts out as a kinda Love boat romance movie, the audience almost starts to forget their there to watch a
horror film, due to the Italian love song which was kinda romantic and nicely done. Then three or four minutes later one of the coolest death scene I've ever seen in a horror film took place.... Hell Yes now this was a movie that was starting out way cool, The movie is all around a much better mystery movie then I was excepting, with humor that seemed more real to me than most horror films feel today. I think one thing I personally liked more about this film was that the characters were more believable then they were in 13 ghost so you start to care for them, just before they die,which is what makes a great horror film a classic, The End was maybe a little rushed, but It looked very beautiful, and if you live here in Alaska you'll understand "awesome visuals". Now if I was running the studio,and making print and t.v. ads I'd say GHOST SHIP is TITANIC MEET POLTERGIEST,or TITANIC MEETS THE SHINING. So Im telling every one out there go check GHOST SHIP, AND THE RING I loved both. I couldn't say that about fear dot com god that movie sucked major ass..... anyway harry thanks for letting me rant...

crossfox out

All I know is Smilin’ Jack says it’s a slick episode of TALES FROM THE CRYPT, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing in my book. Could be fun with the right group of friends. Then again, do I really want to “SEA EVIL”?

"Moriarty" out.